[PG-13] Black Presents: A Pokemon Black Version Randomlocke [Chapter 3: The Early Bird and the Second Mouse]

[Blake]

[spoiler=Rules and Randomlocke Info]
Nuzlocke Rules
1. Any Pokémon that faints is considered dead.
2. I can only catch the first Pokemon on every route. I can accept gifts, such as the Monkey before the first gym, but only one per area. Gifts do not count towards encounters if on a technical route. I may choose my encounter in a double battle.

• Areas like Pinwheel Forest count for two encounters, given the drastic difference between the encounters inside and outside of it.

3. I must nickname all of my Pokemon.
4. Dupes Clause - I cannot catch the same Pokemon twice.
-Eevee Clause: If I catch an Eeveelution and/or Eevee, and I find another in the family, I can catch it, but I cannot evolve into an owned Eeveelution. Examples:

• Catch Leafeon. Later find Eeeve. Can catch and use Eevee, but cannot evolve it to Leafeon.
• Catch Eevee. Later find Leafeon. Can catch Leafeon, but cannot evolve the first Eevee to Leafeon.
• Have caught and evolved Eevee into Leafeon. Find another Eevee. I cannot catch that Eevee.

5. Cannot reset out of bad situations.

Randomizer Information for Black 1
1. Update Moves - Moves are as they are in Gen 6, not Gen 5.
2. Change Impossible Evos - Trade-Evolutions, for example, are changed to be doable.
3. Randomize Abilities - Wonder Guard is banned, otherwise free to be anything.
4. Randomize Starters - In this case, to any basic Pokemon that can evolve twice.
5. Pokemon Movesets - Random and Preferring same types. All Pokemon start with 4 moves.
6. Randomized Trainers [Type Themed] - Rival carries their starter the whole game, Pokemon that are changed are changed to a more-or-less equivalent Pokemon, they can't have Legendaries unless programmed to have them, and No Wonder Guard.
6. Randomize Wild Pokemon - Similar strength to wild equivalent, time-based encounters are factored in, Legendaries are factored in, held items are randomized.
7. Static Pokemon are changed - Legends becomes Legends and Non-Legends become Non-Legends. Did not work on Foongus/Amoongus/Victini for some reason.
8. Randomixed TMs [Prefer Same Type] - They have a 90% chance of being compatible with a Pokemon of the same type as the move, 50% chance if the move is Normal and the Pokemon is not, and 25% chance for everything else.
9. Randomized Trade/Gift Pokemon - Also randomized requirements for trade, though it doesn't matter.
[/spoiler]
[spoiler=Black's Pokedex - SPOILERS]Timothy the Pichu -> Pikachu (M)
Met at: Level 5 in Nuvema Town, evolved at level 8
Currently: Level 9
Nature: Bashful
Ability: Overcoat (Pichu) -> Aftermath (Pikachu)
Moves:
-Thunder Punch
-Mega Punch
-Bolt Strike
-Fusion Bolt

Wyes the Wynaut (M)
Met at: Level 3 on Route 1
Currently: Level 3
Nature: Adamant
Ability: Shield Dust
Moves:
-Healing Wish
-Telekinesis
-Heart Stamp
-Psyshock

Amelia the Marill (F)
Met at: Level 5 on Route 2
Currently: Level 7
Nature: Gentle
Ability: Poison Heal
Moves:
-Water Gun
-Trump Card
-Brine -> Muddy Water
-Water Pulse
[/spoiler]
[spoiler=Prologue]
“Black, honey, time to wake up! Cheren’s already here, and Bianca will be here soon for all of you to get your first Pokemon from Professor Juniper~”

Black’s eyes shot open as his mother’s call reached him. Though he started to get up groggily, his mind was miles ahead of his body and already thinking of which starter he would choose.

”Snivy is good for helping me explore with its vines… It would also be useful for gathering food… But Oshawott could help when I need to cross water… And could help me with laundry when I’m on the road… and Tepig is cute and could make getting fires started much easier… And cook food, as well… They’re all practical enough, so I guess I should base it on personal preference… Or I could pull straws… Agh, I want all three!”

Before he realized how lost in his thoughts he had become, Black looked up into his mirror and realized he was fully dressed. He wore a partially zipped dark grey jacket with stylized cerulean and lavender flames adorning the cuffs and a white t-shirt beneath the jacket. He also wore a pair of blue jeans and some black tennis shoes with a similar set of flames on the heels.

Black pulled a thick black headband over his shaggy golden hair and left it right above his blue eyes before letting his hair fall back over most of it. The headband also had the purple and blue flames along the lower edge.

As he gave himself a thumbs-up, he heard footsteps on the staircase leading to his room. Black glanced over his shoulder to see his friend walking in with his usual scowl. [

”And heeeere’s the big sourpuss himself. I don’t know why he’s always so concerned and no-nonsense. But we grew up together, so I guess I do know he’s a decent guy underneath… but I swear he thinks of himself as a supervillain, sometimes.”

“Why the long face, Cheren?” Black cocked his head, “Did I wake up late or something? Or did another Ducklett try to make a nest on your head?”

“You and Bianca both are running late. I don’t know if she’s even awake yet,” The dark-haired boy squinted at Black and scoffed. “Both of you are always so slow and carefree… You think that something as important as this would get you two in gear much quicker.”

Black shrugged with a grin, and Cheren gritted his teeth in response.

“Do you have any idea how annoy-“

Before Cheren could finish his statement, a shriek came from the stairs and a yellow-headed girl wearing a green hat tripped into the room. She held a box that looked like a present high above her head as her face hit the floor.

”And there’s Bianca. She’s always late like this… But she’s always cheerful and trying her best, so I can really respect that. I wonder how she’ll be as a trainer… I know Cheren’ll probably be a task master, but I’m not sure with Bianca…”

“I didn’t drop the Pokemon, at least,” came Bianca’s muffled voice, breaking Black’s thoughts. Cheren hung and shook his head in exasperation as Black smiled at his clumsy friend. She lifted herself up off the floor and sat the box on Black’s dresser before dusting herself off and adjusting her hat. “See? The box and Pokemon within are safe and sound, even though my face isn’t! So get to it, Black! You’re the oldest, so you get to pick first!”

Cheren sighed and rolled his eyes at the cheerful girl, then nodded to Black. “It is what we decided would be the fairest way to decide, so go ahead.”

Black took a deep breath and reached out to pull the lid off of the box with a tremble. His mind and heart were racing as he gripped the box. He took a deep breath and gathered his thoughts to make his decision.

”Tepig makes setting up a campfire easier and can carry heavier loads than the other two for carrying wood… Snivy makes exploring easier and could probably help with food and camp setup… Oshawott helps with traversing areas with water, like lakes and rivers… Yeah, I guess I’ll just go with personal preference of appearance. I choose… You!”

Black pulled the lid off as he finally decided what starter he wanted, only to be met with a bright light engulfing the room from within the box. The light was filled with every color Black had ever known and then some, and there was no obvious source of the rainbow light. The trio of teens shielded their eyes from the light as it gave a final flash and faded.

“I didn’t know Professor Juniper was one for such theatrics…” Mumbled Cheren as he rubbed his eyes. “Though I suppose it’s personal taste… But now it’s over, so hurry up and choose your starter and choose correctly, so that I get the one I want, Black.”

“Alright, alright. You can’t blame me for this particular delay, though,” Black frowned at his demanding friend, took a deep breath, and reached for the ball in the middle with a tremble. “I choose Tepig!”

Black threw the ball as soon as he pulled it out, allowing the Pokemon within to form. He and his friends watched with bated breath as the red hot piglet formed… But there was no piglet. Before their eyes was a tiny yellow mouse with large ears.

“Pi-chuuu!”

Cheren and Bianca stared in confusion as Black’s jaw fell open. Instead of the Tepig he’d decided upon, he had a baby Pichu before him, with electricity lightly moving along the outside of its cheeks. It smiled widely up at its new trainer with bright eyes. The two stared at each other in silence for what felt to them like an eternity.

”I… bu… wh… A PICHU?! That’s definitely not what was supposed to be there! It’s not native to Unova, either… It doesn’t make sense that the professor would give this to us as a starter! Does she even HAVE foreign Pokemon!? Not to mention… did it really…?”

The electric rodent ran over to its new owner and hugged his leg tight. As it rubbed its cheeks against his pants leg, Black felt the static electricity generated by the Pichu through the clothing. He finally cleared his throat and asked the one question on his mind.

“Did you say… Thank you…?” His query was met with a fervent nod from the little mouse.

“Yep!” the Pichu chirped.”You allowed the true me to be realized!”

 

Black Presents: A Pokemon Black Version Randomlocke

[/spoiler]

Title will be changed to the title presented in the Prologue after Chapter 1 is posted, and things such as potential OP/ED if I feel like it for extra fun for thsoe who appreciate it.

I do have a sequel planned for when I finish this, based on a literal sequel I played out. The world and plot are subject to some changes (such as when the sequel takes place), as are the characterizations I use. The main story, premise, and characters are still property of Game Freak in the end.

I will post the seed for the playthrough upon completion of the fic, for those who wish to play it out.

Not sure what else to say... Ask me anything you like about the rules/story/randomizer/etc., just keep in mind that all of this has already happened.

So I guess... Enjoy!

[spoiler=Chapter Listing] Chapter 1: Regenesis
Chapter 2: Of Pokemon and Men
Chapter 3: The Early Bird and the Second Mouse
[/spoiler]
[spoiler=Soundtrack]Track 1: Blazing Resolution - Black's Theme
Track 2: Pure White Whim - Pokemon Trainer Bianca Battle
Track 3: Pitch Black Brawl - Pokemon Trainer Cheren Battle
Track 4: Day and Night - Pokemon Trainer N Battle
Track 5: Bonds Grown - Evolution Theme
 
I own nothing here.
[/spoiler]

[Tourmaline]

Huh.

Well

Do you have a naming pattern planned?

[Blake]

I had no naming pattern, just named them as I went with what I thought fit. I don't see the point in naming patterns usually, personally, but I get why others do.

[Tourmaline]

I just thought it might be a little interesting....

I'm not sure if you care about how properly written a glorified summary is (it's not exactly like you're writing to make a social or philosophical commentary, I think), but you did make at least one small error. Unless it's a word I've never heard of before. Are you taking spelling or grammatical errors into account or can we ignore them?

[Blake]

I would not mind grammatical fixes or anything of the sort, of course =o

[Tourmaline]

Oh, good. I'll reread it a few times in a bit. If I see any recurring errors, I'll tell you. I might just copy and paste it to my notes to correct it myself then paste a proofread (though already corrected) version here, pointing out any problems you keep having. One immediate error was when you made a typo on "cerulean." Did you catch it?

[Tourmaline]

Not many changes at all because this is our first time doing this.

[spoiler=My revised version]“Black, honey, time to wake up! Cheren’s already here, and Bianca will be here soon for all of you to get your first Pokemon from Professor Juniper~”

Black’s eyes shot open as his mother’s call reached him. Though he started to get up groggily, his mind was miles ahead of his body and already thinking of which starter he would choose.

”Snivy is good for helping me explore with its vines.... It would also be useful for gathering food.... But Oshawott could help when I need to cross water.... And could help me with laundry when I’m on the road.... And Tepig is cute and could make getting fires started much easier.... And cook food, as well.... They’re all practical enough, so I guess I should base it on personal preference.... Or I could pull straws.... Agh, I want all three!”

Before he realized how lost in his thoughts he had become, Black looked up into his mirror and realized he was fully dressed. He wore a partially zipped dark grey jacket with stylized cerulean and lavender flames adorning the cuffs and a white t-shirt beneath the jacket. He also wore a pair of blue jeans and some black tennis shoes with a similar set of flames on the heels.

Black pulled a thick black headband over his shaggy golden hair and left it right above his blue eyes before letting his hair fall back over most of it. The headband also had the purple and blue flames along the lower edge.

As he gave himself a thumbs-up, he heard footsteps on the staircase leading to his room. Black glanced over his shoulder to see his friend walking in with his usual scowl.

”And heeeere’s the big sourpuss himself. I don’t know why he’s always so concerned and no-nonsense, but we grew up together, so I guess I do know he’s a decent guy underneath.... But I swear he thinks of himself as a supervillain, sometimes.”

“Why the long face, Cheren?” Black cocked his head, “Did I wake up late or something? Or did another Ducklett try to make a nest on your head?”

“You and Bianca both are running late. I don’t know if she’s even awake yet,” the dark-haired boy squinted at Black and scoffed. “Both of you are always so slow and carefree.... You think that something as important as this would get you two in gear much quicker.”

Black shrugged with a grin, and Cheren gritted his teeth in response.

“Do you have any idea how annoy-“

Before Cheren could finish his statement, a shriek came from the stairs and a yellow-headed girl wearing a green hat tripped into the room. She held a box that looked like a present high above her head as her face hit the floor.

”And there’s Bianca. She’s always late like this.... But she’s always cheerful and trying her best, so I can really respect that. I wonder how she’ll be as a trainer. I know Cheren’ll probably be a task master, but I’m not sure with Bianca....”

“I didn’t drop the Pokemon, at least,” came Bianca’s muffled voice, breaking Black’s thoughts. Cheren hung and shook his head in exasperation as Black smiled at his clumsy friend. She lifted herself up off the floor and sat the box on Black’s dresser before dusting herself off and adjusting her hat. “See? The box and Pokemon within are safe and sound, even though my face isn’t! So get to it, Black! You’re the oldest, so you get to pick first!”

Cheren sighed and rolled his eyes at the cheerful girl, then nodded to Black. “It is what we decided would be the fairest way to decide, so go ahead.”

Black took a deep breath and reached out to pull the lid off of the box with a tremble. His mind and heart were racing as he gripped the box. He took a deep breath and gathered his thoughts to make his decision.

”Tepig makes setting up a campfire easier and can carry heavier loads than the other two for carrying wood.... Snivy makes exploring easier and could probably help with food and camp setup.... Oshawott helps with traversing areas with water, like lakes and rivers.... Yeah, I guess I’ll just go with personal preference of appearance. I choose... you!”

Black pulled the lid off as he finally decided what starter he wanted, only to be met with a bright light engulfing the room from within the box. The light was filled with every color Black had ever known and then some, and there was no obvious source of the rainbow light. The trio of teens shielded their eyes from the light as it gave a final flash and faded.

“I didn’t know Professor Juniper was one for such theatrics…” Mumbled Cheren as he rubbed his eyes. “Though I suppose it’s personal taste.... But now it’s over, so hurry up and choose your starter and choose correctly, so that I get the one I want, Black.”

“Alright, alright. You can’t blame me for this particular delay, though,” Black frowned at his demanding friend, took a deep breath, and reached for the ball in the middle with a tremble. “I choose Tepig!”

Black threw the ball as soon as he pulled it out, allowing the Pokemon within to form. He and his friends watched with bated breath as the red hot piglet formed… But there was no piglet. Before their eyes was a tiny yellow mouse with large ears.

“Pi-chuuu!”

Cheren and Bianca stared in confusion as Black’s jaw fell open. Instead of the Tepig he’d decided upon, he had a baby Pichu before him, with electricity lightly moving along the outside of its cheeks. It smiled widely up at its new trainer with bright eyes. The two stared at each other in silence for what felt to them like an eternity.

”I… bu… wh… A PICHU?! That’s definitely not what was supposed to be there! It’s not native to Unova, either.... It doesn’t make sense that the professor would give this to us as a starter! Does she even HAVE foreign Pokemon!? Not to mention… did it really...?”

The electric rodent ran over to its new owner and hugged his leg tight. As it rubbed its cheeks against his pant leg, Black felt the static electricity generated by the Pichu through the clothing. He finally cleared his throat and asked the one question on his mind.

“Did you say… Thank you...?” His query was met with a fervent nod from the little mouse.

“Yep!” the Pichu chirped.” You allowed the true me to be realized!”[/spoiler]


This is the version I have. I noticed that you put a lot of ellipses in your characters' thought processes, though when there was a differentiation between two sentences in their thoughts, you only use three periods, rather than four. When used to end a sentence, ellipses do not count as part of the ending punctuation, so you must have three periods followed by another period, an exclamation mark or a question mark. You did this by yourself once near the end, though it does not seem as if you were aware of this rule when you were typing it, or at least not that it also applied to periods.

Either way, I think you should use less ellipses as a whole less. They're not inherently bad, but such frequent pauses don't do much for the story and they're not too realistic. Actually, many of the times you used an ellipses, you could have simply ended the sentence or put a comma, lest you risk writing a run-on sentence (as mere ellipses do not denote the end of a sentence).

Here is something else a writer should be on the lookout for at any level: writing more efficiently. There are often times when words or even sentences in any form of writing can be considered redundant and unnecessary. I, myself, just gave you two examples with "unnecessary" and "myself." Everybody does this to an extent, but one can still try to improve themselves to avoid this as often as possible. Here is the original version of the paragraph where I point the problem out:

Black took a deep breath and reached out to pull the lid off of the box with a tremble. His mind and heart were racing as he gripped the box. He took a deep breath and gathered his thoughts to make his decision.

In this paragraph, the last sentence is completely redundant because it can be interjected into the previous one coherently. This is what it becomes if I fix it:

Black took a deep breath and, gathering his thoughts to make his decision, reached out to pull the lid off of the box with a tremble. His mind and heart were racing as he gripped the box.

The order of the events are close enough that this is to no detriment and makes the paragraph look more concise. I didn't put it in the version I fixed, but it you prefer the phrasing I used, please feel free to use it.

I'm planning on doing this for ecery chapter you decide to release, so no stress on perfect English or anything.

If you'd like, I'd love to edit another version of this where I do what I did with the first paragraph to the rest of the paragraphs to try to make them all better written. Professional writers always proofread their work several times before publication, as a serious essay should be reread and improved at least half a dozen times before a final version is submitted. Doing this can help improve your writing skills for the rest of your life.

Thank you for letting me do this.

[Blake]

Y'see, when I said I was okay with it... I didn't expect in full, I thought you meant pointers and explaining things =x

 

Especially when you read it multiple times and haven't commented on the content beyond technical writing... It's appreciated, but it's a bit disheartening.

[Tourmaline]

Oh.

I meant proofreading, which is not meant to dushearten at all. Even the best writers and researchers revise their work many times before they can submit it, but if it really bothers you, I'll try to go about it another way. I actually thought what I said implied I would be focusing on the technical over the flavor.

Sorry.

But the content itself is fine, so far. Cheren and Bianca are just like normal, and it's not like you're a lifeless Gary Stu or something.

Actually, I really like how you have Black expecting three particular Pokemon, but you actually integrate the random part and make it a Pokemon that nobody expects. I think you can do something really interesting with that and make every area unpredictable, rather than the reader knowing what Pokemon is where. I'm really looking forward to the absurdity the idea can bring, too, like seeing a Wailord in Victory Road or a Magcargo underwater. I love even more how the character himself is surprised by that, too. I'd really love to see you point out nonsensical habitats for whatever Pokemon you find, like the Magcargo I mentioned.

So I actually do like it, I just wasn't clear on my intention, so we had a misunderstanding. Sorry about that.

[Andx]

Well I suppose you've got plenty of help proofreading wise so I'll stick to commenting on the content.

 

First of all it took me a little bit to realize what all is going on here but I do now understand that you're writing a fic based on a playthrough of the game with what looks like some very interesting rules in place. I had heard about Nuzlocke and Wonderlocke and all that but this is new even to me. So I find it cool to find out what all people do with the Pokemon games to get a different experience out of them. I also like the idea of taking a run of a game and turning it into a fic. The basic story is already there but there's plenty to fill in on your own.

 

Anyway to the actual writing now. Pretty basic prologue, not that Pokemon really allows for much else to happen. I haven't played Black/White myself so I don't know how Cheren and Bianca are in game. But I like that they felt a little more real. At least in earlier generations people in Pokemon are true to the simplistic nature of the games and come off as pretty flat and otherwise uninteresting. Keep in mind I haven't really played any of the games past generation three so this could have been changed by now in the series and I wouldn't really know it.

 

So at first read through not a whole lot honestly stood out to me. Then I decided I needed to do a little reading up on how Black and White starts and who the characters are. I had assumed the player character was simply named Black like Red was Red and so forth. Found out that wasn't the case so using the name Black instead is entertaining for various reasons. After reading up on it, your prologue was more entertaining for me.

 

The sort of stream of consciousness about what starter to pick and reasons to do so was nice. It showed Black really likes pokemon but also that he's trying to think practically about things. I think the nice thing about this fic is it makes the pokemon world more real. I mean for me anyway my starter is usually based solely on the gyms I'll be running into and what appears to be more effective against earlier gyms. But that's not how real children would think in the actual world. I can see this fic as it goes on doing similar things where it makes you think about how you view the game and how it would actually be to be a part of it.

 

The random aspect seems like it should prove entertaining as well. Not sure what to think about a talking Pichu. But I can't really judge the little guy based off his one line of dialogue. Never mind that it's Pichu so you can't really be mad at him.

 

Well don't think there's a whole lot left for me to say about it. Initially I had thought the characters weren't talking like kids would but reading up on stuff told me they're a bit older than normal so that took care of that. I guess one suggestion I might have is if you're going to give us information on people having Black think about them and such you should probably continually do so. I realize it was an easy way to briefly explain already existing characters and it works fine for a prologue. But I like the idea of getting inside the character's head while he's doing all this crazy stuff the journey through a pokemon game takes you on.

 

Nice work. Especially since I think I saw you mentioning it's been a while since you've written anything in statuses and stuff. I see no reasons that it shouldn't do anything but improve as you continue.

[Blake]

Working on/editing chapter one, just added some rules I forgot to mention about the run to the OP.

[Blake]

[spoiler=Chapter 1: Regenesis]“Yep!” the Pichu chirped.”You allowed the true me to be realized!”

“The true you…?”

“Black, why are you speaking to that rat like a human?” Cheren clenched his jaw as he responded before the starter Pokemon could. “Juniper sure has played some prank on us to not give us the starters she was supposed to. I’ll give her a piece of my mind. But first.…”

As Black stood in bewilderment, Cheren grabbed the rightmost ball and threw it, revealing a Turtwig in place of the Oshawott that should have appeared.

“Well, I guess I got a true starter, even if it’s not the one I wanted.” Cheren’s scowl finally broke into the slightest of smiles. “Now your turn, Bianca.”

The blonde girl had been staring at Black’s Pichu, stunned that such an adorable creature came out. When Cheren spoke to her, she looked over and saw his turtle.

“Awwww, they’re both so cute!” She squealed, “I hope mine’s as cute as the two you guys got!”

Bianca reached out and tossed the remaining ball with her eyes shut tight until she heard its cry.

“Bellsprout!”

Bianca opened her eyes and her expression of joy melted instantly as what should have been a Snivy waved at her.

“Oh come oooooon! You two got adorable Pokemon and I got this, this, this… thing!” She whimpered at her friends, but Cheren just smirked back smugly and Black was still absorbed. “I guess it’s not ugly, but… Come oooooooooon.”

“Fair’s fair, Bianca,” Cheren’s smirk remained as he spoke, “And you’re the youngest. You got the third pick, and so you’re stuck with it. Too bad, really. Seems like you got the least cute and the least useful.”

“F-fine! I’ll show you two! Come on, Bellsprout, show them what you can do! I challenge you first, Black! I need practice before I show Cheren that I got the best pick!”

“H-huh?!” Black snapped out of his trance with the smiling mouse. “A-a fight? I’m not sure, Bianca, something feels….”

“What are you, a chicken?” Cheren quipped, “We’re trainers. We fight Pokemon and strive to be the strongest. So go ahead and humor her.”

Black grimaced and was thinking of a way to decline when he felt a tug on his pant leg. He looked down to see his Pichu tugging and smiling.

” I can do it, Master! Trust me! I’ve got special power!”

“M-master?! And special power? L-let’s go over that later, but if you say you’re okay with it…” Black turned to Bianca and nodded. “Alright, you’re on! Do your thing, Pichu!”

“Bellsprout, use Vine Whip!”

At its trainers command, the Bellsprout shot forward and raised a vine. However, the vine started to grow thorny and thick before it hit the Pichu, throwing the electric-type back with scratches visible on its skin.

“B-Bellsprout, what did you-“


“That… wasn’t Vine Whip. That was Needle Arm,” Cheren commented as the Pichu stood up.

“Are you okay, little guy?!” Black called back, but the Pichu nodded with a grin despite its cuts and forming bruises.

“Y-yes Master! Just give me an order!”


“Well what do you know?! If that Bellsprout can use Needle Arm, I don’t know what you can do!”

“Well, I can use Thunderpunch, an-“

“You know Thunder Punch?! Whatever, just use that for now!” The small rat was past Black and upon the Bellsprout in an instant with a fist covered in electricity. As its paw impacted the Bellsprout and pushed it down, the electricity moved from Pichu’s fist onto the plant, rendering it immobile.

”I also know Mega Punch, Master!”

“Alright, use Mega Punch!” Black called out, and the Pichu raised a glowing fist. As the light reached its peak, Pichu slammed his fist into the Bellsprout’s face, knocking it out.

“I win, I have to repay !” Pichu raised its paw high as it started to glow again, and it was about to swing when a call stopped it.

“Pichu, stop!” Black grit his teeth. “That’s enough!”

The Pichu scowled, but stepped off of the defeated Pokemon triumphantly as Bianca rushed over and scooped it up.

“Are you okay, Bellsprout?!” Bianca hugged it tight, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have been so hasty, I hadn’t even considered if this was what you wanted!”

Cheren looked between the two of him and his Turtwig with wide eyes.

”Those two knew moves well beyond them… I wonder if this Turtwig…” Cheren walked over to Bianca with his hand extended.

“Here, let me heal your Bellsprout,” She handed the plant to him gently, and put a revive to its head. As it stirred back to consciousness, he sprayed it with a potion, then handed the plant back to Bianca. “There, good as new. Does your Pichu need help, too, Black?”

“No killing,” Black scolded the mouse, “We don’t do that, even if others would to us, when we can help it. No blood needs to be shed.”

Black nodded to Cheren and held the Pichu up as he was sprayed with a potion. “Thanks, he was hurt after that Needle Arm.”

“I’d assume so. That’s a fairly high level attack for a starter… Just like Thunder Punch and Mega Punch. How did you know your Pichu knew those, anyway?”

“Um… intuition?” Black grinned sheepily as Cheren squinted his eyes.

“Right… Well, how about we have a battle now?” Cheren replied, “I wanna see what my Turtwig can do as well.”

Black looked down at the Pichu in his arms who once again nodded his approval.

“I supposed it’d be fine…” He muttered as he placed the mouse down. “But don’t go for the neck. There’s no need to.”

“Sure thing,” Cheren nodded. “Except… If I don’t know what this thing can do, like you do, how can I help it? Tackle, Turtwig!”

The turtle charged forward fast at the rat and seemed to speed up moments before its charge connected with the rat. Pichu flew across Black’s bedroom and hit the opposite wall of the room with a shattering force.

“Interesting…” Cheren mused as Black looked back to his Pokemon crumpled against the wall. “That… was Giga Impact. I wonder what else this Turtwig can do…”

“Get up, Pichu!” Black called back to his fallen Pokemon that struggled to stand. “You don’t have to finish this if you don’t want!”

“I can do it!” Pichu called back, breathing hard. “I don’t think my punches will cut it, so just tell me to use Bolt Strike and I’ll take it out before it finishes resting!”

“Bolt Strike?! Like the legends with Zek-“

Black was cut off once more by the Pichu’s loud cry as electricity in the form of a giant dragon covered its body. It was no bigger than one of the dragon’s feet, and all three of the trainers in the room paled as the rat pounced on the panting turtle, damaging the floor beneath the two of them and consuming the turtle in electricity. Black shook off his daze as he saw Turtwig trying to shake off the paralysis and called out to his Pokemon.

“Now Pichu, Mega Punch it twice and knock it out!”

Pichu nodded and slammed a glowing fist right into the turtle’s forehead with all of its might. The Turtwig cried out but glared at the rodent on top of it. The Pichu took another swing at the immobile turtle and knocked it out as all the electricity from Bolt Strike faded away except for a slight roar in the air.

Cheren’s glasses fell to the floor as Black picked up his starter and hugged it tight. Bianca was the first to find her voice about a minute after the fight as she adjusted her hat.

“What… what has Professor Juniper given us?”

-----

“No more of this ‘Master’ business. I’m your trainer and equal. Considering we can talk for some reason… Just call me Black.” Black rubbed the ears of the little mouse with a smile, and Pichu reluctantly nodded back.

“Oh alright… But why couldn’t I kill her Bellsprout? You know that they’d kill me if they got the chance!”

“Be that as it may…” Black bit his lip in thought, “The fact that I can hear you makes me feel… Closer to you. Bianca’s Bellsprout screamed in fear as you knocked her out, and that made it all too real to me what was about to happen. I was never fond of Pokemon killing one another because life is precious, but… It just seemed like the way it was. This felt unnecessary and wrong. You were not in any immediate danger, and I’d like to think Bianca would have stopped her Bellsprout before you were hurt.”

“I guess you’re right… I’m sorry that I did that, but I was scared. That said,” The Pichu sighed but nodded. “You allowed me to be free, so I guess I can trust you.”

“Oh, about that… What did you mean the ‘true you’?”

“That… well, I’m not sure. Something in me said it, and I know I used to be different somehow, but now I don’t know how… I’m sorry, Black.“

“Blaaaack, it’s time for you to go see Professor Juniper with Bianca and Cheren!” Black’s mother called up.

“Don’t worry about it, little guy. Let’s go and see if Professor Juniper knows anything, Timmy.” Black picked up the little mouse and set it on his shoulder.

“Timmy?”

“Yep, that’s your name, little guy. Timothy the Pichu.” The little mouse squeaked as its owner headed down the stairs and rubbed its ears with a smile.

-----

“’Go check on Bianca,’ he said, ‘she’s late again,’ he said! You’d think Cheren would be a little nicer to her, he knows how she is.…” Black mumbled to himself.

“Why are you friends with Cheren if he’s so mean to the two of you?” Timmy cocked his head. “It doesn’t really make sense.”

“Well, we grew up with him… He’s not a bad guy, he is just waaaaay too focused on becoming the champion. I don’t even know why, he’s just been obsessed with it for as long as I can remember.”

“Well, I don’t like him… he was fine with killing me while feigning ignorance…”

“Oh come on, Timmy. He didn’t know that his Turtwig knew Giga Impact, so he couldn’t have planned it.”

“Doesn’t matter… Anyway, there’s your other friend heading out of a house.”

Black looked up to see the blonde girl dashed past the pair with her face to the ground. He turned and called to her, but she kept running towards the lab. Black ran after her, with Timmy clinging to his heals, and didn’t catch that she was slowly standing up more the further she ran. By the time she was next to Cheren in front of the lab, she was upright and smiling.

“Ready, Black?” She asked cheerily as the boy and his Pichu stared in bewilderment. Her eyes never opened as she wiped a tear off of her chin, “Because we’re late for the professor, just like always!”

Before Black could speak up, Cheren pushed the door to the lab open, and Bianca was on his heels.

“That was… weird.”

“I’ll say… I guess you can ask later??”

“I suppose…” Black mumbled as he followed his friends into the building. Upon entering, he looked to his right to see the professor’s pet Mincinno waving at him from the living area. Black waved to back and flinched as he heard the Pokemon he’d seen many times speak to him for the first time.

“This is all so strange….”

“What’s so strange~?”

Black looked away from the pet to see the professor herself smiling at him from her desk with eyes shut tight.

”And here’s Juniper. She always feels like she knows more than she’s letting on when I see her. Like it amuses her to mess with people.

Before Black could answer, Cheren cleared his throat and began to explain.

“Well, you see, professor, this Pichu here is one of th-“

“Oh, where did you get that adorable Pichu from?!” The professor was past Bianca and Cheren upon Black instantly, pulling on Timmy’s cheeks with rubber gloves, rubbing his ears and tail, and inspecting it as she excitedly continued. “They’re rare here… In fact, no known cases of this species existing in Unova! I can’t believe you found one right after you got your first Pokemon! Where was it?!”

The trio looked at one another as Juniper continued study the little mouse. They mouthed an argument over who should say it before the professor reiterated her question.

“Well, kids? Where did you get this adorable mouse~?”

“Well, professor…” Black began, “He… was in the box of starters you gave us. Along with a Turtwig, which Cheren received, and a Bellsprout for Bianca.”

“Oh come on, silly, I know I gave you three a Snivy, Tepig, and Oshawott. I wouldn’t even have those Pokemon to give you, much less in that combination. Really, where was he? By the river? A present from a distant relative?”

“He’s not joking, professor.” Cheren spoke up and let his Turtwig out of his ball, and Bianca followed suit letting her Bellsprout out. “Groot here and Belle there are both exactly what he said.”

Juniper stood up with a concerned expression on her face, much to the discomfort of the teens used to seeing the woman in an excited frenzy.

“Give me your balls.” She ordered calmly.

“Excuse me?” Cheren spat at the researcher, “Why should we? What have we done to have to give you these Pokemon!?”

“I didn’t say I’m taking them. I just asked for their pokeballs. As-is, I have reason to suspect poaching. I’ve known you kids all my life and I don’t want to see you involved with crime, but that’s what this looks like. So hand them over or I call the cops. If you’re telling the truth, I can scan them and see if they are the very same balls I gave you.”

Bianca cringed and handed the professor her ball, appearing on the edge of tears. Likewise, Black handed his to her soon after. Cheren glared at the researcher, who only returned a cold stare until he eventually gave up and handed her the ball.

“Stay right here while I check these. Minci, watch over them.”

The professor walked into a back room while the chinchilla stood its ground, despite a pained expression painted on its face.

-----
“Sorry about that, kids. Protocol and all~” Juniper chimed as she set some cups of tea in front of each teen. “A check shows that these are definitely the balls I gave to you. Why the contents changed… I’m unsure!”

“Shocking, someone that jumps to conclusions doesn’t have a clue.” Cheren muttered and glared at the professor, holding his pokeball tight.

“Oh come now, Cheren, it was all in good faith~” She waved him off as she continued, “Though, I’m unsure why the box lit up when Black touched it in your story. There was nothing in there to cause that to happen, much less in as fantastic a manner as you kids described.”

“B-but it did, Professor!” Bianca interjected, “I saw it with my own eyes! A-and if that’s not enough, our pokemon aren’t what was initially registered to their balls…”

“I know, Bianca. Relax,” Juniper smiled gently at the girl, eyes ever closed. “Though… I do have one more question. And it’s for Black.”

“And what’s that, ma’am?”

“Well… if I’m wrong, you’ll think I’m crazy-“

“As if we didn’t already…” Cheren muttered.

“-buuuuuut here goes. Can you, by chance, hear what Pokemon are saying now?” Juniper held her knowing smile as Black paled and nodded gently. The professor’s smile widened and she was up in under a second, grabbing a bag and Minci before calling back to the trio still at her dinner table.

“Well then, I might have a lead. Don’t hold me to that, but meet me up the road in Accumula town. There are some pokeballs and Pokedexes on my desk for all of you! Register your Pokemon and I’ll see you guys soon!”

Before a word of protest could pass their lips, the door to the lab was slammed shut. Cheren stood first and looked over his shoulder at the other two.

“Even if she is a crazy b**** and thinks people can actually talk to Pokemon, free pokeballs and a Pokedex are valuable, and Accumula town is on the way to the rest of Unova… might as well humor her for the moment, I suppose. Good luck with ‘talking to your Pokemon’, Black.”

Cheren scoffed and walked off as Bianca bit her lip. When Black looked over to the girl, he was met with big begging eyes.

“U-um… yes, Bianca? Something I can do for you?”

“Talk to Belle for me! I-if it’s no trouble, o-of course! I just… I wanna understand her and be the best trainer I can for her, and if you can talk to Pokemon it’s a huge help!”

“Sure Bianca, just let me talk to her a bit.”

-----

“I’ll see you there, Bianca!” Black waved to the blonde girl as she ran off towards Route 1. As she got smaller and smaller, he pulled out his Pokedex and took a look at his first entry.

-----

Pokedex Entry: Nuvema Town
Timothy the Pichu (M)
Met at: Level 5
Nature: Bashful
Ability: Overcoat
Moves:
-Thunder Punch
-Mega Punch
-Bolt Strike
-Thundershock

-----

Black snapped the nearly empty encyclopedia closed and rubbed Timmy’s ears, while the little mouse sat on his shoulders.

“Ready to go buddy? Route 1 is officially where our adventure starts, and we meet our first new friend. Anything you need to do before we take off?”

Timmy climbed on top of Black’s head and thrust its paw straight forward at the bright road ahead of them.

“Let’s go! Onward to the truth!”
[/spoiler]

I apologize to one of my betareaders, but I felt like I had to get this out ^^;

Links will be added to the OP to just avoid giant clutter as I go.

[Andx]

I caught a glimpse of this thread and saw that you'd posted chapter one but with getting into the first week of school I hadn't taken the chance to read it through till now. Haven't had a whole lot of time for stuff after trying to figure life out. But anyway onto what I thought of the first actual chapter.

 

So as suspected, the random aspect to everything has made for some quite amusing circumstances. I hadn't realized your companion's starters were to be randomized as well. And while Turtwig was quite the funny coincidence Bellsprout was hilarious. I can think of the sort of typical female anime character reaction when they had a really high expectation only to be let down.

 

The random moves made for some intense fighting. I was caught off guard by Pichu going in for the kill on Bellsprout. But in a real world setting these would be wild animals that were forced to fight each other so of course they'd try to kill each other. So it follows that trainers are the only reasons the pokemon don't die in battles. Like I'd commented before, it's one of those things you don't think about while playing but when you think about being part of the world it only makes sense. The poaching comment from the professor was another example. These sorts of moments that highlight things you never think about with the game are quite fun for me.

 

I like the idea you seem to be sending that there's something more to this randomizing and talking with pokemon than initially meets the eye. I'm led to believe it won't just be a means to make things entertaining but rather an important plot point.

 

Pichu's nickname is nice. I will, until he becomes a pikachu, refer to him as Tiny Tim however.

 

I'm excited to see what the randomizer gives Black on his first route and first attempt at catching pokemon.

 

Good stuff once again.

[Blake]

I caught a glimpse of this thread and saw that you'd posted chapter one but with getting into the first week of school I hadn't taken the chance to read it through till now. Haven't had a whole lot of time for stuff after trying to figure life out. But anyway onto what I thought of the first actual chapter.
 
So as suspected, the random aspect to everything has made for some quite amusing circumstances. I hadn't realized your companion's starters were to be randomized as well. And while Turtwig was quite the funny coincidence Bellsprout was hilarious. I can think of the sort of typical female anime character reaction when they had a really high expectation only to be let down.
 
The random moves made for some intense fighting. I was caught off guard by Pichu going in for the kill on Bellsprout. But in a real world setting these would be wild animals that were forced to fight each other so of course they'd try to kill each other. So it follows that trainers are the only reasons the pokemon don't die in battles. Like I'd commented before, it's one of those things you don't think about while playing but when you think about being part of the world it only makes sense. The poaching comment from the professor was another example. These sorts of moments that highlight things you never think about with the game are quite fun for me.
 
I like the idea you seem to be sending that there's something more to this randomizing and talking with pokemon than initially meets the eye. I'm led to believe it won't just be a means to make things entertaining but rather an important plot point.
 
Pichu's nickname is nice. I will, until he becomes a pikachu, refer to him as Tiny Tim however.
 
I'm excited to see what the randomizer gives Black on his first route and first attempt at catching pokemon.
 
Good stuff once again.

Writing Bianca is a load of fun already, I must say. She reminds me of a certain sitcom character, and just makes me look forward to involving her. Cheren, however...

Well, realistic thinking is what a nuzlocke does; It makes the fact that this fighting could lead to death all the more real. The anime doesn't showcase it and I think the games only did it 2-3 times, but the Manga shows it a fair bit, at least earlier on. Also shows practical use of Pokemon. I think poaching has been covered, but unsure. Still neat things to think about.

Well, there's certainly a... face waiting for the encounter.

[Blake]

[spoiler=Chapter 2: Of Pokemon and Men]Pokedex Entry: Route 1
Wyes the Wynaut (M)
Met at: Level 3
Nature: Adamant
Ability: Shield Dust
Moves:
-Healing Wish
-Telekinesis
-Heart Stamp
-Psyshock

-----

[Route 1]

Black held the ball in front of him with a perplexed look. Through the top of the ball he could see the Wynaut in it, smiling up at Black.

“W’yes, I’d love to go with you guys!” It waved up at its new owner, whose eyes and grimace shifted to the side. “Nice to meetcha, w’yes it is!”

“But… But I never offered you a chance to join my team. You just poked the ball and hopped in…”

“W’yes, I did, but that’s water under the bridge! I believe we’ll be the best of friends, w’yes, I do!”

“Well, I guess you’re a member now, since you seem so… adamant.” Black sighed and put the ball on his belt once more as he walked into Accumula Town. “At least Route 1 got us a free potion from that nice lady.”

-----

“Black, over here~”

Black looked to his left as he entered the Pokemon Center to see Juniper and Bianca sitting at one of the many tables in the Center’s coffee shop. He headed over as the professor took a swig from the largest drink he had ever seen before. As he sat down across from Juniper and Bianca, Timmy hopped out of his ball onto the bench with Black, barely able to pull his little head above the table top.

“Well, I did find out that the person I was looking for was in town,” Juniper began, “But I’m not sure where. I also have to get back to Nuvema… immediately!”

Black stared as Juniper visibly shook from the caffeine.

“Um… are you sure you’re oka-“

“Oh, and you two need to remember to check out what PokeCenters can do! Bye now!” Juniper was out the door in a minute, leaving the pair of teens and the Pichu stunned.

“I wish I knew what was wrong with that woman… I don’t know who could drink that much caffeine.” Black mumbled and Bianca giggled. “What’s so funny?”

“She was drinking decaf, so it couldn’t have been caffeine.”

“Professor Juniper terrifies me, Black…” Timmy hugged its trainer tight as Black’s expression froze.

"She scares me, too, buddy..."

-----

[Accumula Town, Main Street]

“At least that freak show’s over, eh Timmy?”

“You said it. Though, I think I see another right over there on top of that hill.”

Black looked to where his pokemon was pointing to see a middle-aged man with pale green hair flowing past his shoulders giving a speech with his left hand raised high in a fist. In front of his ears and in the center of his head were curved tufts of hair sticking into the air. He wore strange purple and gold garb, covered in strange patterns with two large eyes on the front of each. The two sides of the clothing were direct opposites in color, except for 2 red irises in each of the eyes.

As Black looked at the man’s upper half again, he saw that his shoulders held what looked like a castle’s walls, with a black and white crest below his neck. Upon the emblem was what appeared to be a stylized P over a Z. The final thing he noted was that the man’s right eye was covered by what appeared to be a mechanical-looking red-lensed monocle. Black looked past the man and saw banners fit for medieval war and men and women dressed like armorless knights all around the hill. The moment he began to walk towards the event, he felt someone grab his collar and yank him into the shade to the side of the crowd.

“Don’t get too close. It’s some lunatic giving a ‘cruelty to pokemon’ speech,” Black heard Cheren's voice warn him, “and I’m sure that getting too close with that Pichu on your head would draw their attention too much. So let’s just watch away from sight.”

Black nodded absently as he watched the man give his impassioned speech. His face was etched with genuine worry as he spoke, gripping at his heart with his left hand at times, or raising it high for emphasis.

”Well, it certainly seems like he’s worried… But why would I need to release Timmy or Wyes? If anything, they seem more than happy to join me. Timmy seems grateful for ‘freeing’ him, and Wyes actually forced himself on us. They seem more than happy to me, so I can’t believe his words, no matter how strongly he believes them.

Eventually, the crowd faded as the strange man wandered off with his knights, and the crowd dissipated soon after. Cheren shook his head and spoke up.

“What a stupid man. Pokemon are born to fight, why would anyone believe that they’re unhappy doing just that?”

“Becausethatisnotwhattheyaremeanttodo.”

“Holy f-“ Cheren and Black spun around to see a green-haired boy in the shade with them. Black figured he was two to four years older than Cheren and himself at first glance. Cheren grit his teeth and spoke again, “Who the hell are you?! And why are you talking so fast?!”

The cap-wearing teen took a deep breath.

“My nameis N and I ama firm believerin Pokemon freedom. Trainerslike you two sickenme with your violent natures.”

“W-wait, I don’t fee-“ Black protested, but was cut off by the fast talking green-haired teen.

“Father wasright, and you allare just lyingmonsters. Shroomishcome!” A Shroomish popped out of the shrubbery behind N as he spoke. “I’llliberate thatpichu first!”

“Yes, my liege!” called the mushroom as it tripped Black over by moving the grass under its feet. As Black hit the ground and Timmy rolled off, it was upon it in an instant, pulling back a bristly arm made of spores.

“Yes, that isit! Needlearm!”

“Timmy! Mega Punch it!” Black called out as he picked himself up off the grass.

The rat reared its arm back, but was met with the bristly arm and was driven into the dirt.

“Timmy, fight it! You can do it!” Black called out in desperation as he noticed Cheren was gone.

“Thereis no point. I willliberate pokemoneverywhere, whether you like it ornot. Trash likeyou isnot needed in a perfectworld. Again, Shroomish!”

The Shroomish reared its arm back and cried out its victory, but was forced back by a large burst of electricity in the form of a dragon around the little rat. Timmy stood up and panted as blood dripped from his nose.

“Boltstrike?! Butonly the legendary Zekrom canuse that!”

Timmy panted harder and grinned as the electricity faded and left the ground marred.

“This is the true me! And it’s all thanks to Black!” The little rat’s tail began to glow bright, slowly climbing up its body from its origin. “ Whatever he did brought this power out in me! He made me into what my heart most desired! I won’t take you calling Black trash!”

N stepped back from the bright light as his Shroomish stood and braced itself against the light. Black stared in awe as he saw the form in the light changing. Timmy’s tail grew longer and had more zigs and zags. His ears thinned out and grew longer, and his body filled out and even got a little chubby. The light faded, and where there was once a small Pichu stood a Pikachu with a tail glowing with blue colored sparks.

Black fumbled for his Pokedex as Timmy got down on all fours and looked as if it was about to make a dash. Right before the rat took off towards the stunned mushroom pokemon, Black saw what caused the blue glow.

“Alright Timmy, use Fusion Bolt!”

Timmy leaped as he neared the mushroom and was consumed by a large blue ball of electricity, with only his tail sticking out. It hit the Shroomish hard, tearing up the grass, dirt, and concrete around it with the impact. When the attack faded, the Shroomish was left drooling but alive. The rat limped back to Black and collapsed at his feet.

“Good job, Timmy…” Black said gently as he picked the mouse up and rubbed its head.

“What?! Buthowcanthisbe?! Howcantherebeamerepikachuthathasthepowersofalegend?!” N spewed his thoughts out faster than Black could register most of them, “Iamachosenone! Ialonecanhearpokemonspeak!”

“You… You can hear them talk, too?” Black asked after the final statement.

N froze and looked back at Black with a horrified expression. He took a deep breath and trembled before he spoke gingerly and abnormally slowly.

“You can hear them?” When Black nodded, he bit his lip. “So what did your Pikachu say before it evolved?”

“What I did brought the power out of him, and he will not stand for me to be called trash.”

N paled and began to talk so fast that not a single word could be caught by Black’s ear. He shook his head in both hands and wandered off, managing to eke out a farewell as he did.

“That… Was strange.” Timmy sighed and closed his eyes in Black’s arms, “But for now, I think I wanna rest…”

Black looked away from the fleeing N to his newly evolved partner and stroked its ears.

“You earned it, buddy. You’ve had a long day.”

Timmy nuzzled up against his trainer and was snoring almost instantly. Black began the walk back to the center as he held the electric-type close.

“W’yes, I knew travelling with you two was the right thing to do,”

Black looked around in shock at the voice. When he remembered that he had another Pokemon with him, he looked down at his belt to see his eternally smiling Wynaut looking up from its ball.

“I can see your heart’s a good one, w’yes I can! I’m sure that I’ll have a great time with such a caring trainer and loyal companion! I know I’m weak, but I can still be a great companion, w'yes I will be!”

Black smiled gently at the compliment as he walked into the center.

“Welcome to the team, Wyes.”

-----

Evolution Log: Timmy the Pichu -> Pikachu (M)
Ability: Overcoat -> Aftermath
Moves Gained:
Fusion Bolt
[/spoiler]
 
And here's the next chapter! Will be working on 3, but may not have it out in the next handful of days due to a betareader being on a trip.
 
Comments and concerns are appreciated~
 
also writing n is a pain ffs

[Andx]

Chapter two. You're moving right along.

 

So first off I did still like the chapter. Though things felt a bit hurried. Like the fight with N and all that was fine just the intro stuff. Guess I was expecting a description of moving down the route and encountering the Wynaut. Then Juniper was out of there in a hurry. And the evolution to Pikachu caught me off guard a bit as well. That being said things were fine for the battle and the guy doing that speech to the town about pokemon cruelty and stuff. So it started almost a little too fast but smoothed out as I got into it.

 

I love how you've got Wyes speaking. Helps he's a Wynaut and they're silly/cute/whatever but still. While on the topic of how people are speaking I get what you mean about writing N. And I can't help but feel there's a better way to write him than just not spacing some of his words. I get the idea is fast speech but no spaces makes reading his lines difficult. Only thing that really comes to mind is adding descriptors at the end of his bits of dialogue commenting on the speed and I can understand if you'd prefer to do something a little more creative. So I don't know really what to do about that.

 

You're doing good, keep the pacing right and you'll do fine with the rest of the chapters.

[Blake]

Chapter two. You're moving right along.

 

So first off I did still like the chapter. Though things felt a bit hurried. Like the fight with N and all that was fine just the intro stuff. Guess I was expecting a description of moving down the route and encountering the Wynaut. Then Juniper was out of there in a hurry. And the evolution to Pikachu caught me off guard a bit as well. That being said things were fine for the battle and the guy doing that speech to the town about pokemon cruelty and stuff. So it started almost a little too fast but smoothed out as I got into it.

 

I love how you've got Wyes speaking. Helps he's a Wynaut and they're silly/cute/whatever but still. While on the topic of how people are speaking I get what you mean about writing N. And I can't help but feel there's a better way to write him than just not spacing some of his words. I get the idea is fast speech but no spaces makes reading his lines difficult. Only thing that really comes to mind is adding descriptors at the end of his bits of dialogue commenting on the speed and I can understand if you'd prefer to do something a little more creative. So I don't know really what to do about that.

 

You're doing good, keep the pacing right and you'll do fine with the rest of the chapters.

I dunno, I just felt like Route 1 is... route 1. It's really more just a path to the next town (If you see the game itself, bar a river I mentioned in Ch. 1, there's nothing of note there at that stage of the game), so I figured I'd use the chapter gap to cross it.

 

As for Juniper, it was just tough to write. When I made it longer it felt unnatural, especially because I was skipping the fact that it's a tutorial segment. Just tried to show a bit of her eccentricity in my portrayal. That said, I do understand why you felt like that, because I felt like that writing it.

 

N... I kept trying to find ways, and the only other idea I got pitched was to just make it so that I use italics a lot on his words for more emphasis... Didn't really help. I'll try different things as I go along, and he'll definitely stop using it as much as the story goes along either way for reasons.

[Blake]

[spoiler=Chapter 3: The Early Bird and the Second Mouse][Route 2]

Black kicked the dirt and stretched his legs right outside of the gate to the route, breaking in some new shoes. They were a darker shade than the pair he had been wearing, and the blue and purple flames were much more vibrant than before. Black rubbed the ears of the Pikachu on his shoulder and grinned.

“Gotta call mom when we stop at Striaton and thank her for the running shoes. Don’t let me forget, Timmy.” Black ran a short distance in the shoes before slowing to a walk with satisfaction. He looked at the scenery of the route as well as the fellow trainers. He saw a youngster and a lass battling to his left as he entered the tall grass.

“So let’s see what new member we get here,” Black muttered and scanned the area. He saw the grass rustle to his left and chucked a ball at it without a second thought. Black dashed at the ball with his running shoes and arrived just as he heard a ping and felt his pokedex vibrate.

-----

Pokedex Entry: Route 2
Amelia the Marill (F)
Met at: Level 5
Nature: Gentle
Ability: Poison Heal
Moves:
-Water Gun
-Trump Card
-Brine
-Water Pulse

-----

“Amelia, huh?” Black tabbed through the information as Timmy stared from his shoulder with shining eyes. As Black grabbed his new member’s ball and tossed it up, Timmy fled behind its trainer and clung to its back. “Hey, what are y-“
The Marill formed in front of Black and shook her whole body off. She looked up at Black with a slight pout as she swung her pom-pom-like tail.

“You could have asked, you know… Getting hit in the head hurt…” Amy averted her gaze with a huff.

“Uh… I’m… sorry? You’re only my second encounter, and I didn’t know that wild pokemon would just let me speak to them.” As Black spoke, the blue mouse’s ears twitched and she looked back to her trainer.

“Well, if you can hear me, I suppose I can explain instead of being upset… But offer wild pokemon from now on. Being with a trainer is easily better than being wild.” The little mouse scolded Black.

Amy’s words made Black’s mind drift to Wyes, who had joined up without Black realizing before the Wynaut was in its ball.

“Anyways,” the Marill continued, “just ask. You can hear us, so some of us will want a challenge and some of us would rather just be offered the opportunity~”

Black nodded as Amy chimed, and as he went to reach his hand out to the Marill, he felt his jacket fall off of him with a thud. Black whipped around to see his electric rat in a daze with the jacket half covering him.

“Oh, are you okay?!” Amy rushed past Black to the Pikachu and pulled it up, brushing its back off with her tail. “Why were you clinging to his back like that, anyways?”

Timmy shuffled to the side and handed the jacket back to Black while he chewed on his bottom lip.

“I, uh… I had fallen off of his shoulder, and uh…”

Timmy slapped his ball with his tail and was sucked in before he stumbled over any more words. Amy rubbed the side of her head with a paw and looked up at Black.

“Is he always so bashful?”

“Not that I’ve ever seen,” Black glanced at Timmy curled up in his ball before he started down the route’s path, “But I’ve only had him a day.”

“A day, you say?” The Marill cocked her head and pursed her lips in thought, “What’s the Pikachu’s name?”

“That’d be Timmy, my starter.”

“Well, was Timmy… always a Pikachu? I changed from a Purrloin into a Marill yesterday, along with the majority of my family turning from Purrloins and Liepards into whatever else… So did he change yesterday, as well?”

“Yeah, he did. I’m not sure what happened, but from the moment that he and the other starters transformed, I could understand their speech plain as day. We were supposed to get some answers before we got to this route, but… we only got more questions.” Black reached back and picked Amy up as she started to lag, holding her in front of him in his arms.

“Is that so… Well, I’m as curious as you are, so… Maybe getting hit in the head was worth it!”

“Oh come on, I said I was sorry,” Black whined as the Marill giggled, “Oh, and I forgot to introduce myself. I’m Black, and we also have a Wynaut named Wyes travelling with us.”

“And you know my name, but you can call me Amy!” The Marill chirped, and Timmy say in his ball with his whole face as red as his cheeks.

-----

“Alright, finish that Ekans off!” Black called out to the Marill as she used Water Pulse on the wild snake. As the Ekans fainted, its skin shed off of its body and landed on Amy. Before she could get it off, the skin combusted, throwing Amy back from the blast.

“Amy, are you okay?!” Black ran over to the Marill and sprayed her with a potion. “I didn’t expect an Ekans to have Aftermath… Then again, if Timmy has that, I shouldn’t be surprised what has it.”

“Unova as we knew it changed overnight… We shouldn’t really be shocked when unexpected things happen, anymore. At least I learned Muddy Water after all that training...”

As Amy stood back up and began to brush herself off, Black heard a voice calling to him from the path leading to town.

“Hey Black!” Bianca cheerfully called and waved, “It took you long enough to get here! I got here hours ago, and Cheren’s been at the trainer’s school all day!”

The blonde girl tackled and hugged her friend tight, nearly costing Black his balance.

“Well, I’ve been busy training Amy here, so I’ve been out here most of the day, not just lagging.”

“You still woke up late and that’s why you’re still training a new member, I’m betting~”

“Well…”

“I was right!” Bianca giggled as Black grumbled. “Oh, and what a cute Marill she is!”

Bianca reached down and rubbed the Marill behind the ears, earning a purr from the aquatic mouse.

“A… purring mouse? Black, you find the weirdest Pokemon. First an insanely powerful Pichu, and now a purring Marill? Next thing you know, Purrloins and Growlithes will be living together!”

“I am not weird!” Amy puffed herself up. “I just happened to be a Purrloin before yesterday!”

“Ohohoh, tell me what she’s saying, Black!” Bianca squealed, “I just can’t wait to learn more about Pokemon!”

“Um…” Black began, “She said she was a Purrloin until yesterday, so it’s only natural that she’d purr.”

“Whoa, really? How’d she change into a Marill then?”

Black took a seat and motioned for Bianca to sit next to him.

“It’ll probably take a bit to go over everything I’ve seen these last two days, so might as well sit down while we talk.”

-----

Bianca blinked in an attempt to process everything she had just heard.

“So you met another person that can talk to Pokemon, and you think that’s who Juniper meant? And it seems like a lot of Pokemon transformed when our starters did?”

“That’s right. It makes sense with the fact that Timmy seems to have been a Tepig, originally, and your Belle was a Snivy.”

“Unreal… Well, that explains the pokemon I found! Let’s have a battle and show off what our guys can do, Black! And don’t worry, we’ll try our best not to go too far!”

“I dunno, Bianca… Amy’s still new to the team…”

“Come ooooon, Blaaaaack! It’s all in good fun! And you don’t want Cheren to pounce on you at the trainer school, do you? Because he’s not near as lenient with pokemon’s lives.”

“I guess I would rather some more intensive training before I run into him,”

Black looked to the Marill at his side as she nodded her approval. Black grinned and nodded to Bianca.

“Let’s go, then! There’s a clearing just a little ways to the right.”

-----

Amy braced herself as Bianca’s ball hit the ground before her, revealing a Bronzor to Amy and her trainer.

“Let’s go, Vanity! Use Iron Tail!” Bianca called to the mirror.

Vanity began to move forward a glowing tail made of psychic power tearing the ground behind it as it flew. As it covered ground, it sped up, causing the ground to be even more marred with each inch it moved.

“Alright Amy, dodge that, then use Water Gun on the ground it tilled!” Black ordered the mouse.

Amy nodded and rolled to the side before spraying water into the tiny ditch, making a muddy mess behind the mirror. Amy listened as her trainer gave his next order.

“Then use Muddy Water and knock Vanity out!”

“Dodge it, Vanity!”

Amy placed her tail in the ditch and it began to rumble as the Bronzor attempted to get away from the ground. Amy gritted her teeth and let out a yell as the ditch gave birth to a tall, but skinny, wave. She thrust her tail forward, and the wave followed suit, hitting Vanity hard and knocking it into a tree at the side of the clearing.

“Oh come oooooon,” Bianca whined as her Pokedex beeped, letting her know that Bronzor was out of commission. “It seems Bronzors are really slow… Well, at least I still have Belle~”

Bianca threw the Bellsprout’s ball into the air, and Belle formed beneath it moments later.

“Alright, Belle! Use your ability!”

The Bellsprout began to flex her vines as something in the area changed, but Black could not quite pin what it was. As the Bellsprout’s shadow slowly grew larger, a voice cut through the air from Black’s belt.

“Stop!”

Black saw Timmy burst out of his ball and land between Amy and Belle on all fours, ready to battle.

“Call Amy back, now! She would die against Belle!”

“Huh?” Black cocked his head, “Look, I know that she has the inferior typing here, but I think Trump Card could han-”

Before his words left his mouth, Belle’s shadow had connected itself to Timmy’s shadow binding the two of them together.

“You see? Belle has Shadow Tag, you couldn’t switch Amy out if things got rough!” Timmy growled at Belle with teeth gnashed. “I don’t think Bianca would willingly do it, but with the weakness included, I wouldn’t be shocked if Amy was killed.”

Black stared at the scene before him with his mouth agape.

”If Timmy hadn’t stepped in… Amy would have…”

As Black’s thoughts gnawed at him, Amy stared at the yellow mouse with shining eyes. The shy Pikachu she had met earlier that day now stood before her and protected her.

“Snap out of it, Black!” Timmy called back as he was hit by a Needle Arm from Belle, by Bianca’s orders. The Pikachu was shoved into the tilled ground left over after Muddy Water. His tail began to glow blue as Black snapped out of his daze.

“Um… Fusion Bolt, now, Timmy!”

Timmy’s tail flashed blue as he pushed the Bellsprout back up, before a spherical, blue electricitcy field consumed them both. Belle flew out of the circle as Timmy got back on all fours, ready to dash.

“Alright, now Mega Punch!” Black called out.

Timmy nodded as one of its paws began to glow, and the Pikachu pounced upon the Bellprout. He punched Belle into the ground, much the same as Needle Arm had done to him, and Bianca’s Pokedex beeped to announce Belle’s incapacitation.

“Aww… I lose again…” Bianca whined from across the clearing, “But at least I learned about my Bronzor, a bit!”

Black started to walk over to Bianca as Timmy panted and recovered his bearings after the fight. As he turned to look at Black, he felt a kiss on one of his cheeks and turned beet red.

“Thank you~” Chimed Amy.

“Wh-what was that, for?!” Timmy yelped and jumped back in shock.

Amy moved closer to the electric mouse and grabbed its paw with her own, planting another kiss on the nervous rodent’s red cheek.

“You saved me while barely knowing me, and I realized why you’re being so shy…” She swirled her tail around Timmy’s and nuzzled against his side, “So I don’t see a reason not to give you a shot.”

Timmy sat in stunned silence, but slowly moved his arm around her as she settled in against him. They watched as their trainer talked to Bianca. By the time he was waving goodbye to the hat-wearing blonde, the sun had almost finished setting. As Black headed back towards them and the sun gave its last gleam, Timmy returned the kiss to Amy’s forehead.

“Thank you for this chance, Amelia.”

"Of course, my hero~" Amy giggled as Timmy began to blush once again and the night finally fell.
[/spoiler]
Artistic Liberty note: I know Aftermath only goes off on contact, but I wanted to showcase that it was in the area.

First post will be edited with information soon after posting, as well as an "OST" I attribute to certain battles and the like.

[Andx]

So right as I reply to the status spoilers decide to work for me so that's cool. I remember now that I had scanned through this quickly earlier in the week so wasn't that long of a read this time around.

 

Mouse love, how cute. (Totally not weird at all considering they were a cat and a pig just the other day.)

 

That is interesting though that Amy actually knew what she was before considering Timmy hadn't really recalled what had happened.

 

Intense battles. Well really in these cases the abilities making things intense. Poor Black doesn't get to just have fun forcing animals to battle each other until they pass out like all the other children. The struggle of being able to talk with pokemon. Can only imagine how things will go if/when one of Black's pokemon dies what with nuzlocke rules in place and stuff.

 

I do like representing the randomizer as some magical force wreaking havoc on the entire region. Setting up for the story to diverge from the game quite nicely in that way.

[Blake]

So right as I reply to the status spoilers decide to work for me so that's cool. I remember now that I had scanned through this quickly earlier in the week so wasn't that long of a read this time around.
 
Mouse love, how cute. (Totally not weird at all considering they were a cat and a pig just the other day.)
 
That is interesting though that Amy actually knew what she was before considering Timmy hadn't really recalled what had happened.
 
Intense battles. Well really in these cases the abilities making things intense. Poor Black doesn't get to just have fun forcing animals to battle each other until they pass out like all the other children. The struggle of being able to talk with pokemon. Can only imagine how things will go if/when one of Black's pokemon dies what with nuzlocke rules in place and stuff.
 
I do like representing the randomizer as some magical force wreaking havoc on the entire region. Setting up for the story to diverge from the game quite nicely in that way.

Nope, totally normal. Just like dumb bears and snarky red birds.

Just you wait, Doggy.

It's definitely not going to be exactly the same. I may reorganize when certain things can happen and the like (which will probably be seen next chapter or the one after that), but it'll remain largely the same. Just with a spin.

[Fusion X. Denver]

Sorry for taking a while, life's been distracting.

 

To be honest, I wasn't so sure on how invested I could be in a locke-fic to begin with, but this turned out to be a pleasant surprise. So far, I'm liking your story!

 

The battles are written well, detailed enough to get a sense of what's happening, but not so overly descriptive where the reader zones out a bit trying to perfectly visualize the exact action. Putting thought into attacks like setting up Muddy Water's a nice touch too.

It's interesting to see the perspective of wild pokémon like Amy actually preferring captivity whereas you have pokémon who merely team up with N (I'm assuming, or else why not just ask N to take them in?) and perhaps preferring the wild.

Black/White did kind of make me mull over the ethics of pokémon, so it'd be cool to see that here.

 

I like Timmy. Don't exactly see how he's Bashful (seemed more Bold to me, sans meeting Amy) considering he was pretty chill with meeting Black and going all-out in attacking, but whatever. At least he's consistent, and showing some smarts was nice to see too, I could bet on him using his keen intuition more often in the future.

 

As for everyone else, they seem fine. I can tell you're taking a bit of creative license with the characters like highlighting Juniper's eccentricity or having N be in a rush (as Andx mentioned), but I'm good with that. If they were all exactly the same, it'd be more boring that way. So kudos.

 

I'm curious about the ultimate explanation behind the randomness, maybe some legendary pokémon are causing shenanigans.

Or not. We'll see.

But yeah, good fic so far, keep up the good work.

[Blake]

Sorry for taking a while, life's been distracting.

 

To be honest, I wasn't so sure on how invested I could be in a locke-fic to begin with, but this turned out to be a pleasant surprise. So far, I'm liking your story!

 

The battles are written well, detailed enough to get a sense of what's happening, but not so overly descriptive where the reader zones out a bit trying to perfectly visualize the exact action. Putting thought into attacks like setting up Muddy Water's a nice touch too.

It's interesting to see the perspective of wild pokémon like Amy actually preferring captivity whereas you have pokémon who merely team up with N (I'm assuming, or else why not just ask N to take them in?) and perhaps preferring the wild.

Black/White did kind of make me mull over the ethics of pokémon, so it'd be cool to see that here.

 

I like Timmy. Don't exactly see how he's Bashful (seemed more Bold to me, sans meeting Amy) considering he was pretty chill with meeting Black and going all-out in attacking, but whatever. At least he's consistent, and showing some smarts was nice to see too, I could bet on him using his keen intuition more often in the future.

 

As for everyone else, they seem fine. I can tell you're taking a bit of creative license with the characters like highlighting Juniper's eccentricity or having N be in a rush (as Andx mentioned), but I'm good with that. If they were all exactly the same, it'd be more boring that way. So kudos.

 

I'm curious about the ultimate explanation behind the randomness, maybe some legendary pokémon are causing shenanigans.

Or not. We'll see.

But yeah, good fic so far, keep up the good work.

I will admit that, with Amy's perspective, I am borrowing from other Nuzlocke comics. But here I have N as an opposite side to bring it out more, so hopefully I can bring something new to the idea. I'd be willing to recommend a few, because they are all really good for character depth and just making an amusing version of some tales that may as well be as old as time, bar Gen 5. Even then, it's nothing that groundbreaking, so it's nice to spin it a bit.

 

You shall have your ethics, though maybe not how you expect to.

 

Bashful is probably going to come out with meeting people and pokemon/getting to know people and pokemon. For example, he never met Wyes on screen, so to speak. It was supposed to be an instant connection with Black because of what happened, but I did worry a little about his nature myself.

 

I didn't actually change N. N talks at least 1 speed setting faster than you in game. He can actually speak faster than the fastest setting,