Victory Posted March 24, 2008 Report Share Posted March 24, 2008 Name:TexenAge:18Deck:Vortex CreationsOccupation: Duelist Slayer [spoiler=Introduction]Hi my name is Texen. I've been dueling since i was about seven years old.The day that I turned Sixteen i got recruited for the Shadow Slayers Corp.I had to Duel Shadow Duelists and win. The shadow duelists wouldnt stop attacking innocent Duelists.I thought the Legendary Yugi Moto had taken care of them but they were back and with a vengence.My deck consisted of Vortex Monsters which were complicated but untouchable ive only lost one duel and that was to my own deck.You see when i was Eight years old i dueled my father,Vortian.He had the vortex deck back then and i had a simple starter deck.I lost in a heartbeat he was just too strong.Seven days after my Ninth birthday my father died leaving the Vortex deck in his will.Now i am here now from the new generation and filled with revenge.I will become the worlds greatest duelist![spoiler=Prolouge]I was walking along the side of the road when it hit.I heard a huge explosion and then i turned around.A bomb had gone off in a nearby neighborhood.I ran to see what had happened and who had set it off,but when i got there a shadow duelist stood in my way.He had a huge fog behind him but once it dissapeared i saw a huge dragon behind him,did i forget to mention that Shadow Duelists can turn duel monsters into real creatures.He ordered his dragon to attack me with a fire bolt but he didnt respond.You see when i got there i threw a tranqulizer dart in to the fog and hit the dragon,the dragon went down.I challenged the Shadow Duelist to a duel and he accepted.He said his name was Reshaw so i sayd my name just to be fair then we started.Me:Lets go!Reshaw:Fine i'll go first.Reshaw:I summon Shadow Slayer in attack position and set two card face down,I end my turn.Me:I Summon Vosias-Vortex Warrior in attack position! [spoiler=Reshaw's Gate Chap.1]Reshaw:Not bad i've heard of it, but im better.You see i've studied your deck and learned about that card,it's attack points are equal to those monsters on my field times 600.So ive found a counter card!Me:You talk to much lets just get it done with!Reshaw:Fine! I activate Transparent!Me:*gasp*What kind of card is that?!Reshaw:Ha! i told you i dont lose!This card will block your monsters effect!Me:Wait does that mean my monster's attack points are...Zero!?!Reshaw:Thats right.Now my monsters will crush your's monsters easily!Me: Oh Crap!Fine i'll resort to my back-up!Reshaw:Not so fast!*Bluffing*You think that was my ace you were wrong!I still have my ace there were two face down cards,no?Me:....What about my ace.Remember Cards can be activated from hands you know!Reshaw:Ahhh!?![spoiler=Texen's Trap Chap. 2]Me:I attack!Reshaw:Why would you do that?Youre monster's attack points are zero.!Me:Watch and learn! I activate Vortex-Reliant!Reshaw:Impossible!!!Me:I Attack!!Reshaw:No i forgot Transparent's side effect if i take damage i automatically lose!Me:I win!!! Take This!After that i never saw Reshaw again he just kinda dissapeared.But i carried on with life until the next night...[spoiler=COLLAPSE!? Chap. 3]I was walking home the next night but then i saw a shadow figure in front of me.It started to reaveal itself and i saw that it was the spirit of Reshaw.His elders must've killed him when he came back with no victory.His group was too harsh anyway i guess Reshaw finally saw the light.I looked up at the sky hoping to see a sign of what to do and i did.In the night sky there was a shooting star,and it was close.I decided to chase it,i ran to world's end hoping to catch it.I was right in front of it when it landed,i flew back from the wind pressure.When i got up i looked at the star and i couldnt belive my eyes!It was a Yu-Gi-Oh card,I looked more closely...It was my father's soul card.It was also a vortex card,it was amazing my father in a card.Suddenly a flash of light came out of the card and i saw my dads spirit i knew he would guide me.Name:VortianAge:46Deck:MetamorphisisOccupation:Father,Spirit GuardMy dad was there i knew it together we would...wait,i looked at him agian he has transformed.He was half animal half human but all dad.He told me of his travels in the spirit lands and told me about himself he got transformed to save his life lots of bones were broken,they gave him a potion but it also turned him into an animal.We talked until i heard "LET"S DUEL!"[spoiler=Shadow's Triumph Chap.4]I turned around and saw a shadow duelist behind me i reached for my tranqulizer darts but i had used the last one on the dragon.The Shadow Duelist held up a card and began to summon it,i looked more closely and recognized the card.It was Dark Armor Dragon,one of the rarist and the stronget cards in the game.A burst of black light came from the picture of the card then a solid creature took place.I could see my father's eyes filled with despise,I knew that....that Shadow Duelist had killed my father years back and was back to kill me.I annoced that my father was with me but the shadow duelist couldnt see him only me so i was his main goal.The dragon took off coming back like a speeding bullet from the skyes right at me,I had no choice i had to reveal the Duelist Slayer's most valuble weapon,Sky Summon.I held out my newest card,my father's soul card,and i did it.Shadow Duelist:What!...You know once you do that you must duel your opponent!Me:I dont care im gonna win anyways.If you anything like Reshaw was...Shadow Duelist: Dont compare me to that nitwitted whimp!Me:Whatever lets go right here right now!Shadow Duelist:Fine ill do it...I'll go first.Me:No i went second last time so im goin first this time i summon Vorsias-Vortex Warrior in attack position!Shadow Duelist:Fine i summon Ninja Grandmaster Sasuke in attack position! then i attack!Me:>4000<=>2700< Remember i Sky Summoned so we both lose life when we lose life points.Shadow Duelist:>4000< Ha but i'll tribute my monster to activate Reversal!Shadow Duelist:Now im wide open!*says it in a happy tone*Me:Why are you so happy?...It doesnt matter i attack you directly!Shadow Duelist:With What? *says it sarcasticly*Me:*dont think hes bieng sarcastic*Before the duel i Sky Summoned Vortian-Father Of The Vortex now hes on my field and cannot be removed thats what happens when you Sky Summon!Shadow Duelist:*Bluffing he reaches for his face down card acting like he's gonna turn it over.*Me:ATTACK!!!Shadow Duelist:>4000<=>1100< Hahahahaha,you forgot,no?My card deals damage to you at the end of our turns so ha!Me:Crap!!!>2700<=>1000< *Panting*Shadow Duelist:Now i summon Jinzo#7 in attack position and equip Axe Of Despair to it.Then i attack directly!Me:>1000<=>0000< *Ugh* please just call a ambulance!Shadow Duelist:No and im taking your dad too!Me:How did you know?Shadow Duelist:I Sensed a presence during the duel...Bye!Me:HELP!!!......HELp.....HElp....Help......help please help!*Faints*[spoiler=Texen's Card...Chap.5]Ugh*wakes up*Whats going on?*Looks around sees that he's in the hospital and sighs with relief.*Ugh what happened to me...Whats going on.The last thing i remember is the hospital medic told me i fainted and had a tempature of 138 degrees,she said that i was luckt to have survived so long before the medics came.The day i got out of the hospital i realized that my Vortex Creations deck that my father gave me was gone.I had to find the Shadow Duelist and duel him for my deck and my father.I went to the local card shop with as much Yen* as i could carrie,And bought the newest packs like Tactical Evolution and Phantom Darkness.I got many sorts of cards and made 15 full decks out of all of them i picked the strongest one The Yubel-Deck.I also had found the newest Yubel-Card and i was off.I looked and searched for days hoping that my dad's spirit and the Shadow Duelist would show up.But i found something better,The headquarters of Shadow Duelists!I got inside then saw at least 15 guards and that was just the front gate,I dueled the first guy he was tough but my deck was tougher.He told me that the guy that took my father was none other but the luitentent himself.They called him "Cyber Slicer".The guy also told me a secret way to get to him so i took it but it lead right into the training center.If i was gonna beat Cyber Slicer take back my dad snd save my beloved deck then i would have to face at least 50 Shadow Duelists,But before i started i shouted one thing..."GET YOUR GAME ON!"[spoiler=Yugi's Warrior Chap. 6]The man told me that he was invincible i started to think he was like the other guy but i was wrong.Even though he was incredibly strong i took him out in a heartbeat.He was slowly dying since i Sky Summoned once again,before he died he told me something.He said that i was Yugi's Warrior and that i was to destroy The Shadow Duelist King and save the world.I didnt belive him,i mean how was i supposed to.I can save the world yeah right,anyway he was right i took on all of the warriors and won.There was one left he said that his name was Pokuruk i said that was a funny name and he shot me!Right in my knee he had shot me but behind him he had a card in a Steel Case.He showed me the card and i saw that it was Time Machine that means if i beat him then i could get the card and rewind not only so i dont get shot but so The Cyber Slicer didnt steal my dad.I challenged him to a duel but he added risks,High Risks.If he one then i would give my life if i win then i get the card and the secret to use it.I yelled Lets Duel and we began.Pokuruk:I will win,you go first as a handicap!Me:Whatever lets duel!I summon Yubel.Pokuruk:I win!Me:What?Pokuruk:I set one card face down and summon Flash Asaliant.Me:But how do you win?Nevermind i draw!Pokuruk:I activate Ring Of Destruction and activate barrel behind the door.Now i activate Self Destruct Button and its a tie!I keep you hostage hahahaha!Me:Not so fast!I activate Immortal!Pokuruk:NO!Me:Yes your doomed!I win.Pokuruk:>4000<=>0000<*Ugh*I took the card with confidence hoping that it would work i found the secret recited the words held up the card and... 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The Ruby Posted March 24, 2008 Report Share Posted March 24, 2008 the introduction is ok...but i can't really judge it considering ther's no chapter 1 or prologue... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Victory Posted March 24, 2008 Author Report Share Posted March 24, 2008 i know im working on it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Ruby Posted March 24, 2008 Report Share Posted March 24, 2008 wow...it's unusual though because you put it in the first person point of view...it's the first time i've seen a duel within a prolouge...it's good, keep working at it ^_^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Victory Posted March 24, 2008 Author Report Share Posted March 24, 2008 thanks i hope it becomes a big hit XD Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Victory Posted March 24, 2008 Author Report Share Posted March 24, 2008 Ok i added more! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Ruby Posted March 24, 2008 Report Share Posted March 24, 2008 uhh...the trap cards effect doesn't effect the monster's... it says that it doesn't effect his own monsters by effects from opponents monster cards when the effect of the opponent's monster effects itself...also the monster's effect states that every card the opponent controls, the trap card states that the monsters on its own side of the field cannot be effected not the spells/traps so it's ATK would still be 1200...Don't worry you'll get the hang of it ^_^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deucalion Posted March 24, 2008 Report Share Posted March 24, 2008 Multiple spelling/grammar mistakes, and a few turns that don't go quite as they should. However, I like the first person view point. Isn't often you see one of those. The characters also look interesting. If you improve spelling and grammar, and plan out the battles a bit more, it would be very good. As it is, 7/10. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Victory Posted March 24, 2008 Author Report Share Posted March 24, 2008 i added more hopefully its better XD Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Ruby Posted March 24, 2008 Report Share Posted March 24, 2008 Chapters are way too short... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Victory Posted March 24, 2008 Author Report Share Posted March 24, 2008 I know but it is gonna have maybe over 100 chapters so it will be good just stick around k? XD Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Victory Posted March 24, 2008 Author Report Share Posted March 24, 2008 But do you like it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Ruby Posted March 24, 2008 Report Share Posted March 24, 2008 sure...hey check out my Fan-fic ^_^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Victory Posted March 24, 2008 Author Report Share Posted March 24, 2008 dont advertise and ok XD Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Victory Posted March 24, 2008 Author Report Share Posted March 24, 2008 no chapter added Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skyson Posted March 24, 2008 Report Share Posted March 24, 2008 Transparent's downside is kind of... big. <_ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Victory Posted March 25, 2008 Author Report Share Posted March 25, 2008 Point! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Victory Posted March 25, 2008 Author Report Share Posted March 25, 2008 NEW CHAPTER Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The_Last_One Posted March 25, 2008 Report Share Posted March 25, 2008 cool nice but chapters are way to short Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Victory Posted March 25, 2008 Author Report Share Posted March 25, 2008 i know but there will be alot of them Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luna Diviner Posted March 25, 2008 Report Share Posted March 25, 2008 No offence but you really need to make it longer mine are short but much longer than yours.A few grammar errors but we all make mistakes.6/10Quite good, not the best fan-fic [i don't really read fan-fics, write but not read.]Maybe when you have made a lot of chapters with pt 1 and p2's etc you can add them together. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Victory Posted March 25, 2008 Author Report Share Posted March 25, 2008 yeah ok.....XD Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Victory Posted March 26, 2008 Author Report Share Posted March 26, 2008 plz read guys! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Victory Posted March 27, 2008 Author Report Share Posted March 27, 2008 BUMP!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Victory Posted April 5, 2008 Author Report Share Posted April 5, 2008 bump Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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