Yu-Gi-Oh! Exiles [OOC|PG-16|Started|Accepting]

[Lord JZ of the Enigma]

After reading everyone's apps I see alot of well thought out 3rd dimensional characters that will make for an interesting story.....except for mine, I like how he is and all, but meh. Oh well, Im just really excited to Roleplay this story out, interactions seem like they'll be fun, even though considering we have alot of moody and psychopathic people, I feel most interactions will be violent.

[The Warden]

[spoiler=Geppetto]
"Oh, don't mind my darling son; he's just a free spirit."
 
Name: Geppetto Pierott
 
Gender: M
 
Age: 74
 
Height: 5"4 
 
[spoiler=Physical Description] Geppetto is permanently hunched over, cutting him down from his original height of 6"1. He weighs in at 61 kg. His head is completely bereft of hair, and shines due to daily polishing given by his darling son. His eyes are a delicious chocolate brown, except for right eye, which is permanently blood shot due to the one time Son had such a temper tantrum. The only hair left on him is the rather full bush pushing out from his ears, and his very thick eyebrows. His face is relatively smooth, though his skin sags around his brow and mouth.
 
Geppetto is quite prone to wearing a simple white shirt with a black bow tie. His greying pants are kept up by a pair of bright red suspenders. He wears wooden clogs decorated with some lovely patterns of dead people that Son very kindly painted for him. For support, Geppetto uses a crudely made walking stick.[/spoiler]
 
[spoiler=Personality]Geppetto is such a devoted, loving father to his beloved Son. It just fills his heart with joy just to see the bright smile on his darling Son's face. Ever since he had to close down his carpenter's shop due to reasons of health, Geppetto's time was spent for naught until his sweet Son came into his life. It was in a duel he had been having with another senior citizen, and it was such a beautiful birth. Ever since Son came into his life every waking moment was devoted to him, and Geppetto was finally happy again. His speech is very disjointed at times, and he has a habit of starting up a conversation halfway through a conversation that hasn't even happened. Despite this senility he has moments of rather well kept wisdom when a child or a father is in a state of confusion; and despite the fracturing of his mind his dueling skills are still well kept. He has a rather strong fondness for prunes.[/spoiler]
 
Faction: CONSNT
 
[spoiler=Backstory]Geppetto was a well renowned carpenter in his little town, and still continued to ply his trade even after the disaster, as a means to keep hope alive with his creations. He had to stop eventually, since his health was beginning to deteriorate and his mind as starting to go. He would hammer the same nail multiple times in a row before he even realized he had done it. After retiring, Geppetto decided to keep himself amused by dueling. He was taught how to duel by his first son (may he rest in peace); and by a sheer miracle during a duel with another senior citizen Son manifested. Like a kiss from the Blue Fairy the card came to life, and Geppetto had another son.
 
This is all a lie, actually; since in truth, Geppetto had been growing senile ever since his family was destroyed during the disaster 30 years ago. His Son, his wife and newborn son were in the audience for the World Champioships; and were part of the collateral the unknown creature had caused. Absolutely stunned, Geppetto slowly lost hope as the years of disaster crept by. He wasn't even a carpenter, or was called Geppetto. Those were traits picked up from his favourite story Pinnochio; the one he used to read to his son hen he was just a youngin'. But the facts about his son teaching him to duel and how Son came about were true. Geppetto is a member of CONSNT purely for the safety of others and himself. Son tends to be rather violent at times, and the organization recruited Geppetto in order to secure the safety of Geppetto and the general populace. They attempted to take Son away from Geppetto, and to this date none of the extraction team had ever seen an old man fight like that.[/spoiler]
 
[spoiler=Card Pool]Gearspring Spirit x2
Gimmick Puppet Shadow Feeler
Gimmick Puppet Twilight Joker x2
Gimmick Puppet - Dreary Doll
Gimmick Puppet Nightmare
Gimmick Puppet Des Troy x2
Gimmick Puppet Gear Changer x2
Mirror Force 
Fiendish Chain x2
Void Trap Hole
Mystical Space Typhoon
Gimmick Puppet of Strings
Gimmick Puppet of Leo
[/spoiler]
 
Exile: Son
 
Misc. info/fun facts: He keeps Son's Control Bar in one of his many pockets.[/spoiler]
 
[spoiler=Son]

"..."
 
Name: Son
 
Date of Creation: Was left unrecorded
 
Gender: M(?)
 
Card: Gimmick Puppet - Magne Doll
 
Exile Class: Bound
 
Owner of card: Geppetto
 
Faction: CONSNT
 
[spoiler=Physical Description]
Same as the card, except loose wires hang from his limbs. His Control Bar is kept by Geppetto[/spoiler]
 
[spoiler=Personality]Son is the strong silent type, literally. He can't talk, but Geppetto always knows instantly what he would be saying. Personality-wise, Son is much like a violent man-child. When he looks at things, he is always enthused by the idea of what is on the inside, and will usually wrench it open to find out. Machinery, box, living things, he is quite interested in finding out what's inside. He doesn't have eyes either, but he gives people looks that they just find disturbing, as if, he's mentally dissecting them. He is also quite fond of pulling the wings off things. But of course he's good around Father; Father wouldn't want him doing such naughty things. Father is so kind, and gentle, and loving. He could do no wrong for Father dear. But those who would try to take Father away, well, that's just not on. Not on at all. Someone tried to take Father away once, that someone didn't get a second chance to do it again.
 
The root of his obsession of what is inside, is because he himself is empty. A puppet does not have a heart, nor a soul. They do not feel, and cannot understand the feelings of others. But, there was always something special about Father Geppetto. Son feels so alive and full of feeling around him. Father is Life itself, and those who would try to take him away will suffer for trying to take away his feelings.[/spoiler]
 
[spoiler=Backstory]Son was just another Gimmick Puppet held in the Gimmick Shop, kept enslaved by the Control Bars planted on every Gimmick Puppet to keep them from running amok. Son was granted a free chance after answering the call of a miserable old man. And thus, the Fun began.[/spoiler]
 
[spoiler=Exile Ability]
His ability is known as The Show Must Go On. So long as his Control Bar is kept undamaged, Son cannot be destroyed. Whilst most weak attacks won't phase him, stronger attacks will quite literally cause him to go to pieces. But shortly after doing so he will reform back into his original shape. He cannot move more than 20 feet away from his Control Bar. Trying to move out of that range causes the wires to tighten and point in the direction of the Control Bar. Though frayed and loose normally, when the strings are tightened they fully manifest, and are quite impossible to sever. Son can use the fully manifested strings as a weapon.[/spoiler]
 
Misc. info/fun facts: He keeps a stamp collection and likes throwing baseballs back and forth.[/spoiler]
 
 
[spoiler=Bellatrix Eir]
"My sweet Lord Diabolos, I would do anything for you."
 
Name: Bellatrix (Belle) Eir
 
Gender: F
 
Age: 19
 
Height: 6"4
 
[spoiler=Physical Description]Her silver hair hangs long down her back, and pools around both her shoulders. Her green eyes shine with a deep love, and a deep cruelty. Much to her continuous aggravation, Bellatrix's nose has a small crick in it. Such an imperfection is such a blasphemy in the gaze of lord Diabolos; though thankfully he has yet to notice. She wears a steel headband adorned with small black wings that glide through her hair.
 
She wears a solid black breastplate that covers her upper torso, but leaves her naval well exposed. The trim of the armour is laced with light blue. Underneath the armour she wears as black leather top that climbs to the black spike choker around her neck. Adorning her arms she wears black spiked gloves that climb to her elbows, with spikes running the entire length of the way. Tipping each finger is a silver claw, just right for tearing out the flesh of fools who would defy Lord Diabolos. Much to the delight of the male Diabolos members, Bellatrix wears bright blue panties hidden behind a black with light-blue trim breech cloth adorned with the name of Diabolos in his demon tongue. But for the sake of more modesty, she wears a black scaled skirt that opens in the front, but well defends the back. The inside of the skirt is designed much like bat wings, with quite visible bone structure. Her ensemble gets topped off by thigh high black boots with pointed curled toes.[/spoiler]
 
[spoiler=Personality]Bellatrix loves Lord Diabolos; and despite his harsh and cruel demeanour, she knows that he loves her too. Yes, Lord Diabolos is so kind and loving. And those who do not know Lord Diabolos' love is surely an enemy to be destroyed. Bellatrix fawns over her great Lord Diabolos like a lovestruck teen, and she is usually seen hanging onto him like barnacle, or a bangle. When not being in the process of her one true love, Bellatrix is... interesting to say the least. She believes herself the High Priestess to Diabolos, and tries to preach the good word whenever she can, in order to share the love with all those who know the one true ruler of this world. Those who refuse to, like those lowly maggots belonging to CONSNT. How could those fools fail to recognize his superiority was beyond her understanding. What she does understand however, is that they require extermination if they refuse to believe in Diabolos' superiority.
 
If it wasn't yet established, Bellatrix suffers from her own form of Stockholm Syndrome. No matter what Diabolos does to her, her faith, and her love will never waver as all he does to her is in the name of love, as far as she is concerned. She would gladly die by his hand, as that is simply another display of his love.[/spoiler]
 
Faction: Diabolos
 
[spoiler=Backstory]Bellatrix was an ordinary girl living an ordinary life, until CONSNT came to her little settlement, and they tried to drive the inhabitants out. It the only home she knew and they were trying to take her from it. As if knowing her wishes, Diabolos' forces intercepted the CONSNT warriors and they were summarily destroyed. Thanking the dark warriors, she pledged herself to them without question. They took her, and she was treated like a slave. She answered their demands without question, and she could only smile as she worked in Diabolos' great name. That was, until her position was heightened exponentially when she finally summoned her own Exile, Yubel. The powerful Exile increased her rank amongst the troops. Surely this was another blessing from Diabolos, as it was surely by his great kindness that one of his greatest supporters would join with her so they may do his bidding. Taking out to the world in the name of conquest, many of the weaker existences fell towards the great might of Yubel, and they learned fear.[/spoiler]
 
[spoiler=Card Pool]Effect Veiler x2
Savage Colosseum x2
Forbidden Lance x2
Forbidden Chalice x2
Forbidden Dress
Fiendish Chain x2
Trap Hole x2
Trap Stun x2
Safe Zone
Battle Mania x2
[/spoiler]
 
Exile: Yubel
 
Misc. info/fun facts: Her outfit was tailored to resemble Lord Diabolos. It was made after the recent summoning of her Exile.[/spoiler]
 
[spoiler=Yubel]

"Enemies of my beloved Lord Diabolos will taste the pain of rejection!"
 
Name: Yubel
 
Age: Who knows?
 
Gender: M/F
 
Card: Yubel
 
Exile Class: Bound
 
Owner of card: Bellatrix
 
Faction: Diabolos
 
[spoiler=Physical Description]No difference from the card.[/spoiler]
 
[spoiler=Personality]Yubel is just as demented as her Summoner, as she will never question Diabolos, never. Her love for him spawned when she first saw him in the Duel Monster World; an it blossomed like a black rose as she saw the way he sowed destruction and pain to the fools who would oppose him. Her heart belongs only to him, and only those deemed worthy may love him as much as she does. In his name Yubel will destroy all if it would please Diabolos; and with her understanding of pain, she will most certainly please him. The only other thing she loves in this world is Bellatrix, for she is the only other true followed of Diabolos who understands his majesty, and that outfit of hers is very pleasing to the eye.
 
Yubel tends to be a bit of a sadist, when she plays with her enemies. Humans and monsters alike are just her playthings, though sadly, every toy must break. And when they do, it's just time to get another. Despite her ability, Yubel herself revels in the pain inflicted on her body. Every cut, scratch and bruise inflicted on her is sheer pleasure. She savours in it, as all the pain given to her will be dealt back double in the name of Diabolos.[/spoiler]
 
[spoiler=Backstory]Yubel was a follower of Diabolos, even before he left for the Human World. His might and his stature enamoured her so, and she followed him to the ends of the earth. Saddened without her Lord, she spent much of her time in the Duel Monster World striking fear into the hearts of those who do not know Lord Diabolos' majesty. That was, until the wonderful day when she too was drawn to the Human World. And, such luck: She found herself at the side of another who understood Diabolos' majesty. Together, their love will darken CONSNT's day.[/spoiler]
 
[spoiler=Exile Ability]Her Exile ability, according to the CONSNT database is called Stockholm Syndrome. All damage and pain she receives is shared with any one Exile within the gaze of her Third Eye. Stockholm Syndrome applies so long as an Exile is within visible range, but the physical appearance of a target has to be visible in order for the effect to apply. This ability does not work on Humans, on non-Exile monsters or if her Third Eye is damaged. [/spoiler]
 
Misc. info/fun facts: She keeps one of Diabolos' shed scales, as a keepsake from her beloved.[/spoiler]

[BANZAI!!!!]

These look done. TARGET ACQUIRED

[spoiler=Geppetto]
"Oh, don't mind my darling son; he's just a free spirit."

 

Name: Geppetto Pierott

 

Gender: M

 

Age: 74

 

Height: 5"4 

 

[spoiler=Physical Description] Geppetto is permanently hunched over, cutting him down from his original height of 6"1. He weighs in at 61 kg. His head is completely bereft of hair, and shines due to daily polishing given by his darling son. His eyes are a delicious chocolate brown, except for right eye, which is permanently blood shot due to the one time Son had such a temper tantrum. The only hair left on him is the rather full bush pushing out from his ears, and his very thick eyebrows. His face is relatively smooth, though his skin sags around his brow and mouth.

 

Geppetto is quite prone to wearing a simple white shirt with a black bow tie. His greying pants are kept up by a pair of bright red suspenders. He wears wooden clogs decorated with some lovely patterns of dead people that Son very kindly painted for him. For support, Geppetto uses a crudely made walking stick.[/spoiler]

 

[spoiler=Personality]Geppetto is such a devoted, loving father to his beloved Son. It just fills his heart with joy just to see the bright smile on his darling Son's face. Ever since he had to close down his carpenter's shop due to reasons of health, Geppetto's time was spent for naught until his sweet Son came into his life. It was in a duel he had been having with another senior citizen, and it was such a beautiful birth. Ever since Son came into his life every waking moment was devoted to him, and Geppetto was finally happy again. His speech is very disjointed at times, and he has a habit of starting up a conversation halfway through a conversation that hasn't even happened. Despite this senility he has moments of rather well kept wisdom when a child or a father is in a state of confusion; and despite the fracturing of his mind his dueling skills are still well kept. He has a rather strong fondness for prunes.[/spoiler]

 

Faction: CONSNT

 

[spoiler=Backstory]Geppetto was a well renowned carpenter in his little town, and still continued to ply his trade even after the disaster, as a means to keep hope alive with his creations. He had to stop eventually, since his health was beginning to deteriorate and his mind as starting to go. He would hammer the same nail multiple times in a row before he even realized he had done it. After retiring, Geppetto decided to keep himself amused by dueling. He was taught how to duel by his first son (may he rest in peace); and by a sheer miracle during a duel with another senior citizen Son manifested. Like a kiss from the Blue Fairy the card came to life, and Geppetto had another son.

 

This is all a lie, actually; since in truth, Geppetto had been growing senile ever since his family was destroyed during the disaster 30 years ago. His Son, his wife and newborn son were in the audience for the World Champioships; and were part of the collateral the unknown creature had caused. Absolutely stunned, Geppetto slowly lost hope as the years of disaster crept by. He wasn't even a carpenter, or was called Geppetto. Those were traits picked up from his favourite story Pinnochio; the one he used to read to his son hen he was just a youngin'. But the facts about his son teaching him to duel and how Son came about were true. Geppetto is a member of CONSNT purely for the safety of others and himself. Son tends to be rather violent at times, and the organization recruited Geppetto in order to secure the safety of Geppetto and the general populace. They attempted to take Son away from Geppetto, and to this date none of the extraction team had ever seen an old man fight like that.[/spoiler]

 

[spoiler=Card Pool]Gearspring Spirit x2

Gimmick Puppet Shadow Feeler

Gimmick Puppet Twilight Joker

Gimmick Puppet - Dreary Doll

Rank-Up-Magic - Argent Chaos Force

Mirror Force 

Fiendish Chain x2

Void Trap Hole

Mystical Space Typhoon x2

Gimmick Puppet Giant Grinder

Gimmick Puppet of Strings

Gimmick Puppet of Leo

Gimmick Puppet Giant Hunter

Gimmick Puppet of Doom Strings

Gimmick Puppet Disaster Leo

[/spoiler]

 

Exile: Son

 

Misc. info/fun facts: He keeps Son's Control Bar in one of his many pockets.[/spoiler]

 

[spoiler=Son]

"..."

 

Name: Son

 

Date of Creation: Was left unrecorded

 

Gender: M(?)

 

Card: Gimmick Puppet - Magne Doll

 

Exile Class: Bound

 

Owner of card: Geppetto

 

Faction: CONSNT

 

[spoiler=Physical Description]

Same as the card, except loose wires hang from his limbs. His Control Bar is kept by Geppetto[/spoiler]

 

[spoiler=Personality]Son is the strong silent type, literally. He can't talk, but Geppetto always knows instantly what he would be saying. Personality-wise, Son is much like an incredibly violent man-child. When he looks at things, he is always enthused by the idea of what is on the inside, and will usually wrench it open to find out. Machinery, box, living things, he is quite interested in finding out what's inside. He doesn't have eyes either, but he gives people looks that they just find disturbing, as if, he's mentally dissecting them. He is also quite fond of pulling the wings off things. But of course he's good around Father; Father wouldn't want him doing such naughty things. Father is so kind, and gentle, and loving. He could do no wrong for Father dear. But those who would try to take Father away, well, that's just not on. Not on at all. Someone tried to take Father away once, that someone didn't get a second chance to do it again.[/spoiler]

 

[spoiler=Backstory]Son was just another Gimmick Puppet held in the Gimmick Shop, kept enslaved by the Control Bars planted on every Gimmick Puppet to keep them from running amok. Son was granted a free chance after answering the call of a miserable old man. And thus, the Fun began.[/spoiler]

 

[spoiler=Exile Ability]

His ability is known as The Show Must Go On. So long as his Control Bar is kept undamaged, Son cannot be destroyed. Whilst most weak attacks won't phase him, stronger attacks will quite literally cause him to go to pieces. But shortly after doing so he will reform back into his original shape. He cannot move more than 20 feet away from his Control Bar. Trying to move out of that range causes the wires to tighten and point in the direction of the Control Bar.[/spoiler]

 

Misc. info/fun facts: He keeps a stamp collection and likes throwing baseballs back and forth.[/spoiler]

 

 

[spoiler=Bellatrix Eir]
"My sweet Lord Diabolos, I would do anything for you."

 

Name: Bellatrix (Belle) Eir

 

Gender: F

 

Age: 19

 

Height: 6"4

 

[spoiler=Physical Description]Her silver hair hangs long down her back, and pools around both her shoulders. Her green eyes shine with a deep love, and a deep cruelty. Much to her continuous aggravation, Bellatrix's nose has a small crick in it. Such an imperfection is such a blasphemy in the gaze of lord Diabolos; though thankfully he has yet to notice. She wears a steel headband adorned with small black wings that glide through her hair.

 

She wears a solid black breastplate that covers her upper torso, but leaves her naval well exposed. The trim of the armour is laced with light blue. Underneath the armour she wears as black leather top that climbs to the black spike choker around her neck. Adorning her arms she wears black spiked gloves that climb to her elbows, with spikes running the entire length of the way. Tipping each finger is a silver claw, just right for tearing out the flesh of fools who would defy Lord Diabolos. Much to the delight of the male Diabolos members, Bellatrix wears bright blue panties hidden behind a black with light-blue trim breech cloth adorned with the name of Diabolos in his demon tongue. But for the sake of more modesty, she wears a black scaled skirt that opens in the front, but well defends the back. The inside of the skirt is designed much like bat wings, with quite visible bone structure. Her ensemble gets topped off by thigh high black boots with pointed curled toes.[/spoiler]

 

[spoiler=Personality]Bellatrix loves Lord Diabolos; and despite his harsh and cruel demeanour, she knows that he loves her too. Yes, Lord Diabolos is so kind and loving. And those who do not know Lord Diabolos' love is surely an enemy to be destroyed. Bellatrix fawns over her great Lord Diabolos like a lovestruck teen, and she is usually seen hanging onto him like barnacle, or a bangle. When not being in the process of her one true love, Bellatrix is... interesting to say the least. She believes herself the High Priestess to Diabolos, and tries to preach the good word whenever she can, in order to share the love with all those who know the one true ruler of this world. Those who refuse to, like those lowly maggots belonging to CONSN. How could those fools fail to recognize his superiority was beyond her understanding. What she does understand however, is that they require extermination if they refuse to believe in Diabolos' superiority.[/spoiler]

 

Faction: Diabolos

 

[spoiler=Backstory]Bellatrix was an ordinary girl living an ordinary life, until CONSNT came to her little settlement, and they tried to drive the inhabitants out. It the only home she knew and they were trying to take her from it. As if knowing her wishes, Diabolos' forces intercepted the CONSNT warriors and they were summarily destroyed. Thanking the dark warriors, she pledged herself to them without question. They took her, and she was treated like a slave. She answered their demands without question, and she could only smile as she worked in Diabolos' great name. That was, until her position was heightened exponentially when she finally summoned her own Exile, Yubel. The powerful Exile increased her rank amongst the troops. Surely this was another blessing from Diabolos, as it was surely by his great kindness that one of his greatest supporters would join with her so they may do his bidding. Taking out to the world in the name of conquest, many of the weaker existences fell towards the great might of Yubel, and they learned fear.[/spoiler]

 

[spoiler=Card Pool]Effect Veiler x2

Savage Colosseum x2

Forbidden Lance

Forbidden Chalice x2

Forbidden Dress

Fiendish Chain x2

Breakthrough Skill

Trap Hole x2

Trap Stun x2

Safe Zone

Battle Mania x2

[/spoiler]

 

Exile: Yubel

 

Misc. info/fun facts: Her outfit was tailored to resemble Lord Diabolos. It was made after the recent summoning of her Exile.[/spoiler]

 

[spoiler=Yubel]

"Enemies of my beloved Lord Diabolos will taste the pain of rejection!"

 

Name: Yubel

 

Age: Who knows?

 

Gender: M/F

 

Card: Yubel

 

Exile Class: Bound

 

Owner of card: Bellatrix

 

Faction: Diabolos

 

[spoiler=Physical Description]No difference from the card.[/spoiler]

 

[spoiler=Personality]Yubel is just as demented as her Summoner, as she will never question Diabolos, never. Her love for him spawned when she first saw him in the Duel Monster World; an it blossomed like a black rose as she saw the way he sowed destruction and pain to the fools who would oppose him. Her heart belongs only to him, and only those deemed worthy may love him as much as she does. In his name Yubel will destroy all if it would please Diabolos; and with her understanding of pain, she will most certainly please him. The only other thing she loves in this world is Bellatrix, for she is the only other true followed of Diabolos who understands his majesty, and that outfit of hers is very pleasing to the eye.

 

Yubel tends to be a bit of a sadist, when she plays with her enemies. Humans and monsters alike are just her playthings, though sadly, every toy must break. And when they do, it's just time to get another.[/spoiler]

 

[spoiler=Backstory]Yubel was a follower of Diabolos, even before he left for the Human World. His might and his stature enamoured her so, and she followed him to the ends of the earth. Saddened without her Lord, she spent much of her time in the Duel Monster World striking fear into the hearts of those who do not know Lord Diabolos' majesty. That was, until the wonderful day when she too was drawn to the Human World. And, such luck: She found herself at the side of another who understood Diabolos' majesty. Together, their love will darken CONSNT's day.[/spoiler]

 

[spoiler=Exile Ability]Her Exile ability, according to the CONSNT database is called Stockholm Syndrome. All damage and pain she receives can be transferred to any other Exile within the gaze of her Third Eye. She will remain unharmed so long as an Exile is within visible range. This ability does not work on Humans, or non-Exile monsters. It is rumoured that she possesses another ability known only through whispers as the Dark Dragon's Renewal, but only Yubel truly knows what it does.[/spoiler]

 

Misc. info/fun facts: She keeps one of Diabolos' shed scales, as a keepsake from her beloved.[/spoiler]

[spoiler=Da Review]Was honestly expecting the crashboiz or midrash here. interesting.

 

Lets start with old man Geppetto. First and foremost, a (mostly) heroic senile old man is a very interesting character concept. Although i'm wondering just how out of touch with reality he will be, and whether or not Geppetto will recover. I feel for the poor guy. That being said, this plot is going to be hard on the old man physically, as a lot of traveling will be involved for the main cast. I hope he's fit enough to handle that. That being said, dude's s senile old man, and there really isn't too much room fro him to interact with the rest of the cast. Not that I have a problem with him as a character though.

 

Son is what makes this app, honestly. Being functionally immortal, he's incredibly hard to kill. That said, he's also rather weak, and can't got very far from Geppetto if i read right, since G has his control bar on him at all times. In a fight i see son going for something akin to death by one thousand cuts, in that he has to whittle down his opponent over time while tanking their attacks and continuously reforming himself. His personality is typical for your characters, which i have no issue with, although the fact that he's indiscriminately violent might prove problematic, and why he isn't kept restrained by CONSNT handlers (provided they can't kill him outright) is a bit beyond me. perhaps give him one or two more redeeming qualities seeing as how he's a member of the less-evil faction in the plot atm, and his duelist is almost entirely good at heart.

 

The cardpool for this app is where we run into some problems, however. Lets take it from the top.

 

Gearspring spirit is rather interesting in a combat duel. Exiles don't have attack values, technically (although their card stats are a nice way of approximating how string they are), and so gearspring instead drains their will to fight, leaving the target drained physically and mentally for a short time if not buffed against it. however those 100 stats mean its pretty easy to wipe it out via traditional hologram attacks and monster removal. Doll joker and feeler are necessary level 8s for gimmick puppet xyz, and since summon transformed xyz mats burn when detached,  G and Son will be going through quite a few copies of these cards. Now here is where we come to my first problem. While it isn't necessarily an issue to be able ot use every gimmick puppet Xyz, having access to all six at the start of the rp is  too much considering that these are powerful r8 xyz monsters with pretty good effects and high stats for the current power curve. My recommendation is that you stick to two of the base forms at most (My choices would be leo and strings, since i dont really like grinder, but w/e). Acquisition of the ranked up versions and a RUM card can be done during the rp, since the base r8s already pack quite a punch and allow Son to retain his e ability, which is rather powerful. Chain is good for restraining exiles and occasionally stopping regular monster effects, although a strong enough exile would be able ot break the chains mind you. Void trap hole is a great way to mess with a duelist who tries to summon a bound class exile to warp them in, although like the rest of the trap holes this will simply become a temporary hindrance to the warped exile. Mst is mst. good for taking out sets/equips/continuous cards.

 

My recommendation is that you make changes to the card pool outlined above and fill it with other useful cards to replace the lost gimmick puppet xyz and RUM. As well as adding a little more to Son so he has a reason to be at least semi-heroic.

 

Verdict: tagged WIP until changes are made

[/spoiler]

[spoiler=Screw you i'm doing both pairs of characters separately]WIP[/spoiler]

[BANZAI!!!!]

Sorry 'bout the double post, but i made an edit to the combat dueling guide regarding exile abilities and summon transformations. It's required reading so go take a look at it.

[Delibirb]

I hate you for stealing my npc idea, kano.

:P

 

Janai comes off to me as a petulant manchild, being a prankster one minute and a violent nut the next. He's still a rather tough opponent though because i'm sure he isn't above fighting himself while relinquished is being huge and threatening. dude's quite obviously off his rocker, but that instability is going to make him extra dangerous. That said, he seems like a bit of a one-note psycho to me. He;ll get along with cestus, for sure, but i'd like to see some more personality out of him. 

Well since I need more in my personality sections as described above, i'll go into more detail because I didnt realize he comes off so flat, he isnt meant to be.

 

Devoured is a badass, plain and simple. He's a very strong opponent to begin with, but his conrrol abilities obviously make him even more dangerous. He also is very hard to knock off due to him being able to eat people to survive. honestly the easiest way to take him out will be to specifically target his card, rather than fight him directly. was expecting him ot be able to absorb other exiles, but i kinda like the mind control angle provided it isnt abused, since this can get very, very god-moddy. I'd almost suggest changing it if you aren't a skilled rper.

I went for the mind control as opposed to absorbing because I would imagine absorbing the Exile would be much more broken, as they become incapacitated. With the mind control angle, he still has the basic effect of taking the monster's strength, but not in any permanent crippling way.

 

I do, however, have a few problems with the app. both personality sections are 1 line below the minimum, and feel a little thin to me as well. more detail would be good. next is not really a legitimate complaint, but the pc from pkmon colloseum? you can do better my friend.

They were six lines in the editor, I forgot that they would get longer and as such take up fewer lines when posted, so i'll go repair that. As for the character, I cant do better because that's actually how I want him to look; Wes is balaf.

 

Biggest problem is the card pool. while decree and kaiser lock down other combat duelists from casting traps and summon transforming, which is good, super poly is unnecessary, since no one else will be playing thousand eyes idol and it requires you to burn a card for summon transforming into restrict. regular poly works better. chaos sorc is useless in a combat duel since his effect requires it to be the controllers turn, and there are no turns n a combat duel (That and banishing s*** at will i op and creates problems with this flimsy combat system of mine).  idol, duston, and ritual art are fine for teleporting devoired ot janai if they are seperated, but this burns cards and is useless otherwise. manju's draw power is also uselss due to there being no need ot draw anything in a combat duel. cards are just fished from the pool when needed. rites is usefull for re-loading ritual spells, but those burn when used on an exile, and so it too is useless. veiler, however, is perfectly good for stopping  ]the occasional monster effect. although since monsters are rare in combat duels save for summon transformations, it wont see much action.

Ah, alright. Guess I was a tad confused on what it meant being "cast on an Exile", so i'll go make those alterations. Quick question, custom cards allowed? Obviously Ill post them here, or manybe even just PM you them and we can alter them just for this RP. As for Chaos Sorc, that's good reasoning, indeed. Since I probably wont use Advanced Ritual Art, its purpose being to set up for Chaos Summons, I can knock one of the Idols and the White Dustons as well for some Djinns.

 

Overall, i like the concept of the app, but the content and the cardpool need work. I;d be more than happy to help you with both, if you want. 

 

Verdict: considering it a WIP until corrections and additions are made

I'll be reposting soon. :)

[BANZAI!!!!]

I'll be reposting soon. :)

cool. I'll give you Wes, although a better pic would help if you are able to find one. If you think you can handle mind control, go right ahead, and mental control can be resisted, after all (although it might also be possible to physically break out of relinquished's body as well). If you've got any questions about combat dueling (its mad confusing, i know) feel free to ask me and i'll answer them.

 

As for custom cards, no they are not allowed... yet. after a certain point in the plot they might be, but when we're starting off i want the rp to focus on actual cards, since the reason this rp exists is to celebrate the actual tcg's awesome art and lore.

 

Broken's first app review is up. might have just enough time to do number two before work, if i'm lucky.

[-Noel-]

this race mixture seems to be outside the box... hope it's not too much

 

[spoiler='Chaos']

"If it's something interesting, then there is no reason to refuse!"

Name: Chaos (yea, just that)

Gender: Male

Age: 12 for human

Height: 4'27

[spoiler='Physical Description']

[/spoiler]

[spoiler='Personality']

Chaos is an Exile, with the real identity still covered. He possessed the ability to change himself into human without any remaining evidence as an Exile. In his human form Chaos is seems to be a confident and recklessly boy who always does a thing just because it's sounds interesting (including how he started Combat Duel almost 30 years ago) but at the same time, Chaos is flawless at mental skills, so that he can always read people and predict their next moves before they even do them which making him never affected by any mind tactics from his opponent, he also knows what's the best choice to speak in many specific conversations, just let Chaos negotiating with someone and he will gain everything he wants from that person. maybe it's his Exile ability, but who know? for his sister, Neph, Chaos is the most friendly and kind brother ever. Chaos's dueling style is simple, using his opponent power as his own to win is how he currently dueling, but for his True form's dueling style (as well as True personality) are still unrevealed.

[/spoiler]

Faction: Diabolos

[spoiler='Backstory']

Chaos was entered this world almost 30 years ago, when the world still not damaged so much, so he thought this world that he just saw first time is interesting, which make Chaos started using his human form, which never changed or growth since then, to live with human, escaping the Exile effect's damage with them, experiencing CONSNT being formed with them, start Combat dueling with them and when CONSNT started hunting Exiles seriously, he even joined them, despite being a 12-years old kid, after some conversations with someone who operated those hunters, and during the first hunt, he found some Rogue Exile that just appeared by Exile effect and seems not to know even how she appeared in this world, what should she do here or even her own names (too young to have one). Chaos gave her some sort of power so that she can make her own human form and her own deck, and since then they were become siblings. Not so long after that, Chaos faced Diabolos became friend with him and accept to help with his plan just because it's interesting. Diabolos never thinks it's a good idea to have someone he couldn't even identified the true personality behind that outright childish-mask as a comrade, but he didn't do anything to break their relationship though.

[/spoiler]

[spoiler='Card Pool']

Copycat x 2

Brain Control (since I saw TER in other app, so I guess this is fine)

Mind Control

Swords of Revealing Light

Fiend's Sanctuary x 2

Mystical Space Typhoon

Torrential Tribute

Mirror Force

Dimensional Prison x 2

Dimension Wall x 2

Magic Cylinder x 2

Memory of an adversary x 2

[/spoiler]

Bound Exile: Chaos didn't possessed any Bound Exile

Misc. info/fun facts: Chaos was a f***** lazy crap who barely duel recently, because when he need to, he'll just use his sister to do it for him and what he does is only watching, also he's undoubtedly a siscon, his sister just too dumb to realize it

[/spoiler]

 

[spoiler='Neph']

"I'm so sorry, but for my brother's sake, I have to kill you"

Name: Nephilim, or Neph for short

Gender: Female
Age: 9 for human, with about 300 years old for real age (kinda young for spirit too)

Height: 4'12

[spoiler='Physical Description (Human Form)']

 

Yes, she can make that wing visible if she wants to, but normally she hides it.

[/spoiler]

[spoiler='Physical Description (Exile Form)']

Card: El-Shadoll Nephilim

Exile Class: Rogue

no different, except the main colors of Neph is white instead of blue

[/spoiler]

[spoiler='Personality']

Nephilim, or Neph as her brother called, is also an Exile that was coming to this world by an Exile effect, but she couldn't do anything as much as her brother did. in her human form that she managed to create by Chaos's help, she's shy, taciturn, immature, kind and obedient, but after living with Chaos, she seems to be more reliable. In Combat duel, Neph's not only be kindness with her monsters, but also her opponent and their monsters, which usually make any Combat duel outsides of the legal tournament become null due to her opponent's not able to attack her anymore and nor does she. as for now, Chaos just succeed to teach her to ignore her own feeling and finishing an opponent.

[/spoiler]

Faction: Diabolos

[spoiler='Backstory']

Several years ago, Neph entered this world by the result of Exile effect, at that time she was confusing and seemed to lose her way, the environment is weird for her, this world is obviously not her world, and she even don't know how did she appeared here or how to go back. and that's the moment when she met Chaos, got some of his power and became his sisters. Later than that, Chaos had helped her a lot, taught the world's basic knowledge, got her hand on a Bound Exile, etc. At the moment she's a decent duelist who just got rid of her biggest weakness, her kindness, and ready for the dueling tournament that her brother wants her to join for some reasons. While dueling, she can also cast herself as an Exile, and if she does, the doll in her hand will turn into a Shadoll Beast, which move by her will so that she can still have it control the Combat disk while she focusing on using her power. or in another case, if Chaos has nothing to do, he can control the disk instead of a beast, and if that happened, they never lose to anyone

[/spoiler]

[spoiler='Exile Ability']

Shadow Network: can only be used if Neph is in her true form, by releasing Shadow Strings around herself, any opponent (no such a number restriction, just all) within the range of the string will temporarily lose the right to control their own body and power, and that right now belongs to Neph, so using this when she was attacked by multiple opponents are really useful, the only weakness is while she's controlling the victims, she's immobilized as well.

[/spoiler]

[spoiler='Card Pool']

El-Shadoll Nephilim

El-Shadoll Midrash

Shadoll Dragon x 2

Shadoll Lizard

Shadoll Falcon x 2

Electromagnetic Turtle

Shadoll Fusion

Fusion Weapon x 2

Super Polymerization

Mystical Space Typhoon

Mirror Force

Dimensional Prison x 2

Shadollroots

[/spoiler]

Bound Exile: El-Shadoll Midrash

Misc. info/fun facts: Neph is the youngest Duelist participating in this dueling tournament

[/spoiler]

 

[spoiler='Milla Strauss']

"..."

Name: Milla Strauss

Age: Unknown

Gender: Female

Card: El-Shadoll Midrash

Exile Class: Bound

Owner of card: Neph

Faction: Diabolos

[spoiler='Physical Description']

identical to the card.

[/spoiler]

[spoiler='Personality']

Milla never talked, in fact none of Shadolls except Neph are capable to speak. Neph only knows her name because Chaos told her without any explanation. Milla is like a doll, she never does anything by her own will and normally she'll not do anything for other people too, but for Neph she felted some similar presence for herself, which makes her fully trusted Neph at the first met and only listened to her order. so mind controlling techniques has no effect on Milla because she barely has anything in mind. Even so, she also has something she really afraid of, her master's brother, Chaos, as Milla is able to sensing the Exile's presence, she sensed something wicked and horrible from Chaos's body at their first met.

[/spoiler]

[spoiler='Backstory']

Milla is apparently a doll who seems to have no memory for Spirit World at all, she first appeared in this world when Neph cast her years ago, and after that she became her master's trump card and best friend, an example is behind her brother's back, Neph never hides her weakness and always complains about any problem she faced to Milla, who can't respond and just listened until Neph has nothing to say and feel better.

[/spoiler]

[spoiler='Exile Ability']

Shadow Veil: using the shadow power, Milla instantly create a Shadow orb which covers around herself or her allies for 1-2 seconds, it's said to be unbreakable by any attack, but repeatedly use this may cause her to exhaust and unable to fight as it consume a huge amount of energy.

[/spoiler]

Misc. info/fun facts: even Shadolls can't speak, they're somehow able to communicate with each other. Perhaps Neph will know how they do that when she's older

[/spoiler]

 

Edit: I finished them, hope I'll getting a review soon :)

[Raine]

This should work for you both of their personalities and backgrounds have been expanded on, most Nora but... yeah. 

 

(The original post is edited too, this is just here for your convenience.)

 

[spoiler=Nora Theleis]

"Every game needs a hero!"

Name: Nora Theleis

Gender: Female

Age: 22

Height: 5’8’’

 

Physical description

[spoiler=Appearance]

Weight: 126 lbs

[/spoiler]

 

 

Personality

Nora is an extremely talented individual, who takes great pride in her own ability calling herself a king, hero, champion, etc. She is rather hotheaded about her ambitions and quick to flaunt in front of others. That said, she has a strict code of morals that has driven her to work under the CONSNT. She in constantly seeking to destroy evil as her mission to save the world; only kept in the realm of reality by her more level-headed exile.

 

Nora’s life is a story where she is the hero and the world is her damsel. She is particularly sensitive to being underestimated whether for being physically unintimidating or being a woman. She is constantly searching for more difficult opponents to test her ability so she can grow more and more capable. If anything, her weakness is her insecurity to be able to do anything due to her past. Failure and defeat emotionally crushes her and rends her extremely vulnerable.

 

Nora’s interactions with people vary based on her relationship with them. To strangers, Nora tends to keep herself distant and heroic, to give herself a large than life appearance and reflect that through her actions and results. Nora seeks a small but close group of allies to help her and aid herself. To friends, she is extremely appreciative and, some would say, overly intimate. Nora is not strictly anything when it comes to her sexuality considering her inexperience however she can have strong attractive feelings towards anyone who strikes her in the right way causing her to act sometimes in an outrageous manner.

 

Faction: CONSNT

 

Backstory

Nora wasn’t there when the sky was blackened 30 years ago and tragedy struck but she was made victim all the same. She was born into a refugee camp in western Ophia to parents that lived the latter part of their lives in this new world. The camp was corrupt and filled with people who would exploit others and made Nora’s life since she was born difficult. There are differences between those were grew up with nothing and those who did not, Nora was constantly reminded of this fact. Even as a child, Nora learned to hold her own and survive in cruel world through her blinding optimism and forward spirit. That could not prevent what tragedy struck next. Their refugee camp was on the edge of CONSNT space, away from the homeland forces and constant protection. It was a matter of time until an exile attacked, unfortunately, this took the life of her father. She was paralyzed with disbelief and depression for years, what was once good was now clouded in how grim this world could be. However, soon enough her mother fell ill as she tried to make enough for her and her daughter with her husband dead.

 

Nora pieced herself together for the sake of her mother, and she was driven by a memento of her father’s which she believed told her his dying wish, which she never reveals to anyone. Nora now 15, took the dangerous path with her gravely ill mother and took the dangerous path to the east, over the mountains. This was not a path for a 15 year old girl and a immobile mother, the natural and human dangers became apparent. In the depth of the mountains, they were attacked by bandits. Nora having learned to defend herself in the camp, tried to protect her mother and hrself but a 15 year old girl is no matter for a group of able-bodied criminals. Unbeknownst to her, someone was observed her fight. As the bandits closed in and Nora became exhausted, she heard a voice, calling for her to accept him and summon forth power to protect. Nora desperate and fearful, gratefully accepted. The Gravekeeper Oracle was conjured into this world. It was seconds until the fearful power of a bound exile, impaled the most aggressive of the group and the remaining scurried back into their caves.

 

Nora had finally obtained power enough to carry out her father’s last wish. The Gravekeeper Oracle and Nora both had mutual interest, he had been observing her for her pure heart and prime representative of humanity for him to accompany so he could determine his feelings towards the race. Together, they took her mother to the eastern CONSNT city of Gaea where she started to receive medical treatment. CONSNT quickly took interest in her and her bound exile, and offered to care for her mother in exchange for her accepting employment. Nora didn’t refuse, this was a perfect opportunity.

 

Card Pool

1x Gravekeeper Oracle

2x Gravekeeper Nobleman

1x Gravekeeper Spy

1x Gravekeeper Visionary

1x Gravekeeper Soldier

1x Gravekeeper Descendant

1x Gravekeeper Assailant

1x Gravekeeper Commandant

1x Gravekeeper Shaman

2x Necrovalley

1x Rite of Spirit

1x Needle Ceiling

1x Coffin Seller

1x Burial from a Different Dimension

1x Golden Sarcophagus

 

(If owner of Bound Exile Card) Exile: Graverkeeper Oracle – Nephthys

 

Misc. info/fun facts: Nora’s special attack for subduing lawbreakers is Funeral Justicar! The name of her famous punch is Fantasy Driver! The name of her famous kick is Diamond Breaker! Her finishing move is Star-Searching Despair Buster!

 

Theme: Psychidelic Souljam

[/spoiler]

 

[spoiler=Gravekeeper Oracle - Nephthys]

"Humanity has not yet distinguished themselves from monsters."

Name: Nephthys

Age: 1039

Gender: Male

Card: Gravekeeper Oracle

Exile Class: Bound

Owner of card: Nora Theleis

Faction: CONSNT

Physical Description

[spoiler=Appearance]

[/spoiler]

Personality

Nephthys is a very old Exile who lived in the spirit world a very long time. He is level-headed and rational, which he uses to calm his bound partner. He a very obsessive spirit who takes his time and has an obsession with cleanliness, probably developed after a millennia of caring for a tomb. He is very unforgiving of littering. Nephthys is talented and takes great interest in the human sciences of mathematics, sciences, psychology, etc. However, he not very forceful compared to Nora so while his wishes are sometime ignored, he advices Nora in matters where knowledge may be useful. He constantly analyzing opponents and allies for weakness and compensating for Nora’s hasty and hot headed nature.

 

He has a very strong sense of justice even if his means of punishment are very draconian. Nephthys cares very much about nature and is very unforgiving of humanity accusing them of being demons and traitors. His sole exception to this rule being Nora who just seems sometimes as over-eccentric and thinks of fondly almost as a daughter. However, due to his inability to communicate effectively and act forcibly, he relies on his bound partner to be an instrument of his will.

 

Backstory

In the exile world, he lived a guardian of a large mausoleum for many centuries and established a group of allies and apprentices known as the Gravekeepers who specialize in trap use and assassinations for the sake of the greater good. When the disaster happened 30 years ago, the spirit world emptied and, truth be told, he got bored. While defending the ancient tombs, occasionally exiles would attempt to break and steal the riches within however the human world was incredibly lucrative now. Nephthys decided, he would enact his vengeance on the evil and criminal in the human world where the mysterious humans lived and most destructive of his own kind now fled.

 

 When he was called in the human world, he met Nora who impressed him with her sense of justice and unwavered ethics as a sign of hope for this new species. He choose her as the medium for his will in exchange for his power, however soon after, he found himself in a more mutual relationship of give and take with his bound partner than he bargained for. He has since accompanied her but also developed strong parental feelings for her and cares deeply for her.

 

Exile Ability

Misc. info/fun facts: Requiem of the Dead: Nephthys can call upon the abilities of any dead creature and temporarily gain its abilities for combat, this applies to dead monsters from a battle or surrounding graves or memorials that are present. 

[/spoiler]

[ChaosMarauderC39]

Disregard my request to join. I'm not going to be able.to participate so it wouldn't be fair of me. sorry for the inconvenience.

[Kari-chan]

Uhmmm.... I was wondering before I post my first app, can I use Chimera Master of beasts in my card pool? not for the effect but just cause hes awesome and a 3K beast type?

[Kari-chan]

[spoiler= Duelist]

"I'll find you and take you back Onii-chan! "

Name: Raena Hazashi

Gender: Female(But due to her outfit and voice disruptor in her helmet her gender is ambiguous)

Age: 18

Height: 4'11

Physical description:
[spoiler=Armored]

No this is not just me being lazy I truly like the mystery ninja's art and wanted it to be her armored form.[/spoiler]
[Spoiler= Unarmored][/spoiler]
Through the use of wrapping and a small chest she is indistinguishable from a male.

[spoiler= Personality] Rae as she likes others to call her, has a cheery and a stupid demeanor despite her harsh past she still holds on to her childish ideals of saving the world and loves to voice this fact. She can be smart witted and kind of an ass at times but shes a very pure hearted girl that only wants to bring her brother back from the destructive path hes set out on.[/spoiler]


Faction: independent

[Spoiler= Backstory]
Raena is a member of one of the last remaining ninja clans after the calamity with the rise of anarchy and warlords the Ninja's purpose was restored and soon they grew massive in stature they became one of the most feared names to be whispered. "The Hazashi clan." Raena Was raised in the clans higher social standings and since the age of six she underwent brutal training to hone her mind and body to become the perfect assassin. Times were good for the clan and for Raena, she and her brother grew up almost like twins despite him being 2 years older than her. They competed at everything and despite her brother being better than her in everyday she always tried to surpass him and he found her desire to become better than him endearing. When the day of her eighteenth birthday despite it being her birthday her brother was being announced to graduate the academy and become a high ranked member of the clan some even expected him to succeed the grand master, She was fine with this as he had little but his position and she knew it meant a lot to him. Plus she would make him buy her tofu later. That.... Was the day it all changed. The clan was attacked by a rival clan and the grandmaster was slain, Raena in her anger awakened the Ninjitsu art of transformation and Killed the assailant. She did not know what she did that day but it changed everything for her and her brother. The next morning the new grand master was to be declared and Her brother was the obvious choice, despite his age none but the grandmaster could match him and Raena thought so too. But unbeknownst to her the elders had other ideas. Because in the clans lore the Spirit within the Card Raena activated in response to her, when it should only respond to the grandmaster they claimed her as the new grand master, much to her and her brothers shock and dismay. Her brother worked realy hard to get to his position, Raena pleaded but they would have no word of it she was their Grandmaster now. This sent her bother mad, one day there was commotion, she hadn't been grand master for a week. Raena rushed to the temple where the Ninjitsu Art cards were held and found her brother and with a sick blood splattered grin he disappeared cards in tow. Raena is convinced her brother is involved in the tourney and is aiming to find and capture him there.[/spoiler]

[spoiler= Card Pool]
Red Dragon Ninja x1
Dark Simorgh x1
Brain Crusher x1
MST x2
Seven tools of the Bandit x2
Magic Jammer x2
Great Poseidon Beetle x1
Alpacaribou, Mystical Beast of the Forest x1
Ookazi x2
impenetrable attack x2
Meteor of Destruction x2
(To be changed with more Ninjutsu cards when her story grows.) [/spoiler]


Exile: Ninjitsu Art of Trance formation

Misc. info/fun facts: She has a hero Complex and though she really does want to bring her brother back she is also using this as a way to escape her duties.[/spoiler]

[spoiler= Exile]

"..."

Name:

Age:

Gender:

Card: Ninjitsu Art of Transformation

Exile Class: Bound

(If Bound Exile) Raena Hazashi

Faction: Independent

Physical Description: It appears as an blue Aura that surrounds her.

Personality: When under the influence of the Ninjutsu Art Raena's personality drastically changes. She can become more feral and moody sometimes prone to violence or attitudes she regularly wouldn't have. When Raena transforms is when her personality is changes the most by Ninjutsu Art. It takes over more completely and has varying effects. When Raena is a Beast type She becomes ferocious less prone to thinking first and rarely speaks almost as if restrained by the power or the beast she became. When she takes on the form of an insect she becomes single minded and stupid not her usual playing dumb but cold and calculating. When In the form of a Winged-Beast She becomes more intelligent and skilled. Despite this her personality turns more to that of carefree while having her mind on the task at hand, a contradictory like a gust of wind.
(Ya know I could just complained I think I did a dam good job since its a trap card and all so doesn't have a personality.)

[spoiler= Backstory]
Ninjitsu Art of Trance formation like all of the other singleton Ninjitsu Art cards were protected by Raena's former Grandmaster and predecessor he used the cards to make his clan what they have become today. Some say each Ninjitsu Art card has a Exile but that is far from the truth... Or is it?
[/spoiler]

Exile Ability
Nijitsu Art of Transformation allows is owner to turn in to a Beast, Winged-Beast, or Insect type monster from their card pool. This version of combat allows the user to become more powerful so they can fight to defeat the Enemy Exile.
The User is always treated as a level 4. The user is not tributed but their transformed in to the monster for a limited time before turning back with a cool down time.
[/spoiler]

Hope this goes over well Ehe~

[The Warden]

I updated as you said, but you misunderstand Son. He isn't indiscriminately violent; as he only harms those who try to take Geppetto away. I expanded on his personality as to justify the behaviour. I also made some updates to Belle and Yubel personality.

[BANZAI!!!!]

I updated as you said, but you misunderstand Son. He isn't indiscriminately violent; as he only harms those who try to take Geppetto away. I expanded on his personality as to justify the behaviour. I also made some updates to Belle and Yubel personality.

Sorry for misunderstanding. Either way, the added detail helps. Cardpool is now acceptable, so Son and G are accepted. Adding them to the op.

 

Going to save the Belle and Yubel (heh, they kinda rhyme) for a little later since we got a few new apps in yesterday and one of your characters is already in.

 

Next Victim:

 

This should work for you both of their personalities and backgrounds have been expanded on, most Nora but... yeah. 

 

(The original post is edited too, this is just here for your convenience.)

 

[spoiler=Nora Theleis]

"Every game needs a hero!"

Name: Nora Theleis

Gender: Female

Age: 22

Height: 5’8’’

 

Physical description

[spoiler=Appearance]

Weight: 126 lbs

[/spoiler]

 

 

Personality

Nora is an extremely talented individual, who takes great pride in her own ability calling herself a king, hero, champion, etc. She is rather hotheaded about her ambitions and quick to flaunt in front of others. That said, she has a strict code of morals that has driven her to work under the CONSNT. She in constantly seeking to destroy evil as her mission to save the world; only kept in the realm of reality by her more level-headed exile.

 

Nora’s life is a story where she is the hero and the world is her damsel. She is particularly sensitive to being underestimated whether for being physically unintimidating or being a woman. She is constantly searching for more difficult opponents to test her ability so she can grow more and more capable. If anything, her weakness is her insecurity to be able to do anything due to her past. Failure and defeat emotionally crushes her and rends her extremely vulnerable.

 

Nora’s interactions with people vary based on her relationship with them. To strangers, Nora tends to keep herself distant and heroic, to give herself a large than life appearance and reflect that through her actions and results. Nora seeks a small but close group of allies to help her and aid herself. To friends, she is extremely appreciative and, some would say, overly intimate. Nora is not strictly anything when it comes to her sexuality considering her inexperience however she can have strong attractive feelings towards anyone who strikes her in the right way causing her to act sometimes in an outrageous manner.

 

Faction: CONSNT

 

Backstory

Nora wasn’t there when the sky was blackened 30 years ago and tragedy struck but she was made victim all the same. She was born into a refugee camp in western Ophia to parents that lived the latter part of their lives in this new world. The camp was corrupt and filled with people who would exploit others and made Nora’s life since she was born difficult. There are differences between those were grew up with nothing and those who did not, Nora was constantly reminded of this fact. Even as a child, Nora learned to hold her own and survive in cruel world through her blinding optimism and forward spirit. That could not prevent what tragedy struck next. Their refugee camp was on the edge of CONSNT space, away from the homeland forces and constant protection. It was a matter of time until an exile attacked, unfortunately, this took the life of her father. She was paralyzed with disbelief and depression for years, what was once good was now clouded in how grim this world could be. However, soon enough her mother fell ill as she tried to make enough for her and her daughter with her husband dead.

 

Nora pieced herself together for the sake of her mother, and she was driven by a memento of her father’s which she believed told her his dying wish, which she never reveals to anyone. Nora now 15, took the dangerous path with her gravely ill mother and took the dangerous path to the east, over the mountains. This was not a path for a 15 year old girl and a immobile mother, the natural and human dangers became apparent. In the depth of the mountains, they were attacked by bandits. Nora having learned to defend herself in the camp, tried to protect her mother and hrself but a 15 year old girl is no matter for a group of able-bodied criminals. Unbeknownst to her, someone was observed her fight. As the bandits closed in and Nora became exhausted, she heard a voice, calling for her to accept him and summon forth power to protect. Nora desperate and fearful, gratefully accepted. The Gravekeeper Oracle was conjured into this world. It was seconds until the fearful power of a bound exile, impaled the most aggressive of the group and the remaining scurried back into their caves.

 

Nora had finally obtained power enough to carry out her father’s last wish. The Gravekeeper Oracle and Nora both had mutual interest, he had been observing her for her pure heart and prime representative of humanity for him to accompany so he could determine his feelings towards the race. Together, they took her mother to the eastern CONSNT city of Gaea where she started to receive medical treatment. CONSNT quickly took interest in her and her bound exile, and offered to care for her mother in exchange for her accepting employment. Nora didn’t refuse, this was a perfect opportunity.

 

Card Pool

1x Gravekeeper Oracle

2x Gravekeeper Nobleman

1x Gravekeeper Spy

1x Gravekeeper Visionary

1x Gravekeeper Soldier

1x Gravekeeper Descendant

1x Gravekeeper Assailant

1x Gravekeeper Commandant

1x Gravekeeper Shaman

2x Necrovalley

1x Rite of Spirit

1x Needle Ceiling

1x Coffin Seller

1x Burial from a Different Dimension

1x Golden Sarcophagus

 

(If owner of Bound Exile Card) Exile: Graverkeeper Oracle – Nephthys

 

Misc. info/fun facts: Nora’s special attack for subduing lawbreakers is Funeral Justicar! The name of her famous punch is Fantasy Driver! The name of her famous kick is Diamond Breaker! Her finishing move is Star-Searching Despair Buster!

 

Theme: Psychidelic Souljam

[/spoiler]

 

[spoiler=Gravekeeper Oracle - Nephthys]

"Humanity has not yet distinguished themselves from monsters."

Name: Nephthys

Age: 1039

Gender: Male

Card: Gravekeeper Oracle

Exile Class: Bound

Owner of card: Nora Theleis

Faction: CONSNT

Physical Description

[spoiler=Appearance]

[/spoiler]

Personality

Nephthys is a very old Exile who lived in the spirit world a very long time. He is level-headed and rational, which he uses to calm his bound partner. He a very obsessive spirit who takes his time and has an obsession with cleanliness, probably developed after a millennia of caring for a tomb. He is very unforgiving of littering. Nephthys is talented and takes great interest in the human sciences of mathematics, sciences, psychology, etc. However, he not very forceful compared to Nora so while his wishes are sometime ignored, he advices Nora in matters where knowledge may be useful. He constantly analyzing opponents and allies for weakness and compensating for Nora’s hasty and hot headed nature.

 

He has a very strong sense of justice even if his means of punishment are very draconian. Nephthys cares very much about nature and is very unforgiving of humanity accusing them of being demons and traitors. His sole exception to this rule being Nora who just seems sometimes as over-eccentric and thinks of fondly almost as a daughter. However, due to his inability to communicate effectively and act forcibly, he relies on his bound partner to be an instrument of his will.

 

Backstory

In the exile world, he lived a guardian of a large mausoleum for many centuries and established a group of allies and apprentices known as the Gravekeepers who specialize in trap use and assassinations for the sake of the greater good. When the disaster happened 30 years ago, the spirit world emptied and, truth be told, he got bored. While defending the ancient tombs, occasionally exiles would attempt to break and steal the riches within however the human world was incredibly lucrative now. Nephthys decided, he would enact his vengeance on the evil and criminal in the human world where the mysterious humans lived and most destructive of his own kind now fled.

 

 When he was called in the human world, he met Nora who impressed him with her sense of justice and unwavered ethics as a sign of hope for this new species. He choose her as the medium for his will in exchange for his power, however soon after, he found himself in a more mutual relationship of give and take with his bound partner than he bargained for. He has since accompanied her but also developed strong parental feelings for her and cares deeply for her.

 

Exile Ability

Misc. info/fun facts: Requiem of the Dead: Nephthys can call upon the abilities of any dead creature and temporarily gain its abilities for combat, this applies to dead monsters from a battle or surrounding graves or memorials that are present. 

[/spoiler]

[spoiler=Da Review]Please give a warm round of applause for Miss Exiles Genki Girl 2014! (Yes my jokes are horrible)

 

Anyway, lets get started, shall we? Nora first.

 

Nora's an... interesting character. Being the action girl that she is, She'll probably be right up there with her exile on the front line of the fight, both to genuinely lend a hand and to prove to everyone (herself most importantly) that she can (and while we're on that note her giving her kicks and punches attack names is hilarious). Her bravado is probably going to get on the nerves of a lot of other cast members (she's for sure going to drive Zane up the wall. Dude doesn't care for show offs), which will be good for character interaction. She seems to me to be rather immature for her age though, or at least the front she puts up to cover for her inferiority complex is, at least. It also strikes me as interesting that Nora and Zane have such similar backgrounds, and yet their personalities are quite different. Both grew up in western Ophia, both lost their fathers young, and both suffered through some really tough shit in their early teens. Although each one responded differently, with Zane more or less shutting himself off from people and fending for himself and Nora being almost too "on" and open and joining CONSNT. Even their exiles have differing personalities, with Nephthys being very similar in temperament to Zane while Astrum and Nora would surely get along rather well (although Astrum would most assuredly make a joke or two at her expense).

 

That said, Nora's backstory seems to imply that Nephthys is a latent class exile, or at least had some connection to earth before becoming an exile. This is impossible as Exiles are transported to earth only in duels and at random. Nephthys would have had little to no knowledge of earth before becoming an exile (some duel spirits are aware that earth exists, but most of what is said about earth in the spirit world is speculation, much like human talk of the spirit world). Exiles do not travel to earth willingly, as the exile effect is an unknown dimensional phenomenon. Its like accidentally falling into the rabbit hole to wonderland and not being able to climb back out. That needs to be edited/clarified to fit with the universe, although I am completely in favor of Nephthys traveling Earth to get a good feel for humanity.

 

Now on to he who's name i can never type correctly on the first try: Nephthys

 

While i have no problems with Neph as an exile, his high level means that his summon transformation options are limited. As well, he isn't as powerful of a combatant as his level suggests (that 2k atk is nothing to shake a stick at). His E ability does give him some versatility, but its rather situational as a useful exile or a good number of humans must have died in the vicinity of wherever he's fighting for it to be effective. As far as his personality is concerned, a stern, taciturn old spellcaster sounds like a good counterpart to Nora's energetic spunk. Although im a tad confused about what oyu meant by Neph being unable to communicate effectively and act foricbly. Does he not have good people skills? is he incorporeal? Mute? As a bound exile he still has acess to whatever abilities he had in the spirit world, its just that now he is bound to a card.

 

Cardpool has quite a few problems however. Lets take it from the top.

 

First and foremost, your exile's card does not need to be in your cardpool, nor does it count toward the 18 card name limit. As for running the gravekeeper's monsters, descendant and possibly assailant are the only really useful ones in a combat duel. Assailant provides the ability ot change battle positions, which when cast on an exile translates to a low-strength restraining force, good for slowing them down some and not much else. Descendant allows for some unique (but rather vulnerable since its monster based) destruction effects that can be useful for taking out continuous cards or launching attacks against exiles. OF course this burns the cards used as a cost of the target is an exile, but its still rather useful. The rest of those monsters, however, are uselss in a combat duel save for being card cost burn fodder or tributes to teleport neph to nora's location. Necrovalley is good because it buffs Neph and occasionally stops some effects (although graveyard effects in combat duels are rare). Rite of spirit is very rarely useful since the only point of revival is to re-play a card that was destroyed by a non-exile effect based card. Needle cieling is also not always useful because it requires lots of monsters, which rarely if ever happens in a combat duel. lightning vortex or dark hole would be a better choice. Coffin seller is utterly useless since life points play no part in combat duels. Burial is occasionally useful, but necrovalley trumps it and i wouldn't know what you;d be banishing to make use of it. Gold sarcophagus is also useless since all cards are fished from the cardpool at will anyway. I recommend filling your card pool instead with anti spell/trap cards, monster removal, and buffs that are compatible with Neph, as well as a summon transformation for him and possibly other stuff you can find for flavor. I'd be happy to lend you a hand since i basically just told you to ditch most of your cards.

 

All in all, I'm a big fan of bpth characters, they just need a couple corrections and maybe a little bit more fleshing out before i give them their formal ok.

 

Verdict: tagged WIP until recommended edits are made.

 

[/spoiler]

[Mugendramon]

[spoiler=Piessee]

"BLeeeeeUUGH BLAAughhhhhh ghEEEEEurgh"
Name: Piessee
Age: 5 (CSOC release date)
Gender: Male
Card: Plaguespreader Zombie
Exile Class: Rogue
Faction: Diabolos
[spoiler=Physical Description]Same as image[/spoiler]
[spoiler=Personality]Piesse is a halfbrain. Most likely literally. As such he's way less than bright, but makes up for it with an unbelievably short fuse. The slightest provocation will make the poor thing snap like a twig and start biting everything around it, friend or foe. For this reason, Diabolos keeps it leashed and caged... And while he certainly can't go  hungry, he most decidedly can feel so. And for a zombi that is basically the same as a killing spree.

 

When not blind with killer instinct, Piessee listens to Diabolos's voice in much the same way a pet would. As in, it will listen to him, but the reaction might not be all that satisfactory or, well, intelligent.[/spoiler]
[spoiler=Backstory]"But Herr Cranium, ve cannot possibly rrelease zhis... zhis abomination into zhe vorld! A crreature vizh zhese capabilities could rruin ourr plans!"

"Can you drop the accent already? I get the joke but it's very difficult to understand you."

"Right, sorry."

"Ahem. With that out of the way, let me answer your question. This thing, we are not letting out here. Hell, Not I, not anyone in this facility will be interacting with it or even be near it."

"Then?"

"Then, if you'd stop interrupting me, we just wait. We just wait until some poor fool tries to stop us. And when they come into this facility, a simple push of a button will make them wish they never had."

"Does this mean we'll proceed with project C.A.R.O.L as scheduled?"

"Indeed, Herr Jumper, indeed."

 

Sometime later...

 

"WHERE THE FUCK IS SUBJECT PSZ?"

 

Incidentally the poor sap who summoned him didn't live through it. Shocking, I'm sure.[/spoiler]
[spoiler=Exile Ability] The Dead Do Not Speak: Piessee bites a monster or exile. Over about three minutes, the bitten exile morphs into Doomkaiser Dragon, Revived King Ha Des, or Archfiend Zombie-Skull. The transformation is reversible, but will take longer to revert at every instance. It will result permanent after a good few times. The transformed exiles are treated as Rogue and are as mindless as Piessee himself. When transformed, they gain these abilities;

 

Doomkaiser Dragon - Deathbreath: When Doomkaiser roars in the face of a non-Zombie monster, they become a Zombie-Type and follow it around. This stops functioning once the Summon Transform reverts.

 

Revived King Ha Des - Decree of The Dead: A monster within Ha Des's attack range, of about twenty metre raidus, cannot activate their effects.

 

Archfiend Zombie-Skull - Actual Real Zombies: Zombies within a twenty metre radius can't be killed or destroyed with physical attacks or like burning and shit. Unless you chop off or otherwise pierce the head.[/spoiler]
[spoiler=Misc. info/fun facts]

As an Actual Real Zombie, Piessee can only be killed through loss of head, any other bodypart is basically optional.

[/spoiler][/spoiler]

 

And done~

[BANZAI!!!!]

Raine's review is finished. Next one is below. gonna hopefully get a few done tomorrow.

 

 

 

[spoiler=Piessee]

"BLeeeeeUUGH BLAAughhhhhh ghEEEEEurgh"
Name: Piessee
Age: 5 (CSOC release date)
Gender: Male
Card: Plaguespreader Zombie
Exile Class: Rogue
Faction: Diabolos
[spoiler=Physical Description]Same as image[/spoiler]
[spoiler=Personality]Piesse is a halfbrain. Most likely literally. As such he's way less than bright, but makes up for it with an unbelievably short fuse. The slightest provocation will make the poor thing snap like a twig and start biting everything around it, friend or foe. For this reason, Diabolos keeps it leashed and caged... And while he certainly can't go  hungry, he most decidedly can feel so. And for a zombi that is basically the same as a killing spree.

 

When not blind with killer instinct, Piessee listens to Diabolos's voice in much the same way a pet would. As in, it will listen to him, but the reaction might not be all that satisfactory or, well, intelligent.[/spoiler]
[spoiler=Backstory]"But Herr Cranium, ve cannot possibly rrelease zhis... zhis abomination into zhe vorld! A crreature vizh zhese capabilities could rruin ourr plans!"

"Can you drop the accent already? I get the joke but it's very difficult to understand you."

"Right, sorry."

"Ahem. With that out of the way, let me answer your question. This thing, we are not letting out here. Hell, Not I, not anyone in this facility will be interacting with it or even be near it."

"Then?"

"Then, if you'd stop interrupting me, we just wait. We just wait until some poor fool tries to stop us. And when they come into this facility, a simple push of a button will make them wish they never had."

"Does this mean we'll proceed with project C.A.R.O.L as scheduled?"

"Indeed, Herr Jumper, indeed."

 

Sometime later...

 

"WHERE THE f*** IS SUBJECT PSZ?"

 

Incidentally the poor sap who summoned him didn't live through it. Shocking, I'm sure.[/spoiler]
[spoiler=Exile Ability] The Dead Do Not Speak: Piessee bites a monster or exile. Over about three minutes, the bitten exile morphs into Doomkaiser Dragon, Revived King Ha Des, or Archfiend Zombie-Skull. The transformation is reversible, but will take longer to revert at every instance. It will result permanent after a good few times. The transformed exiles are treated as Rogue and are as mindless as Piessee himself. When transformed, they gain these abilities;

 

Doomkaiser Dragon - Deathbreath: When Doomkaiser roars in the face of a non-Zombie monster, they become a Zombie-Type and follow it around. This stops functioning once the Summon Transform reverts.

 

Revived King Ha Des - Decree of The Dead: A monster within Ha Des's attack range, of about twenty metre raidus, cannot activate their effects.

 

Archfiend Zombie-Skull - Actual Real Zombies: Zombies within a twenty metre radius can't be killed or destroyed with physical attacks or like burning and s***. Unless you chop off or otherwise pierce the head.[/spoiler]
[spoiler=Misc. info/fun facts]

As an Actual Real Zombie, Piessee can only be killed through loss of head, any other bodypart is basically optional.

[/spoiler][/spoiler]

[spoiler=Da Review]ZAMBOS! ZAMBOS EVERYWHERE! Aim for the head for massive damage!

 

Anyway, lets get to it shall we? Kind of a short review.....

 

I'm a fan of P's mindless zombie motif. not really much to say on it other than he'll have a bit of a tough time interacting with anyone. Cestus might think he's cuddly though.... Perhaps at least allow him to speak? or maybe enhance his mental abilities slightly. he's spreading the plague, not a victim of it after all.

 

Also good with his backstory (I love the reference to OG exiles. Foreshadowing?). again, not much to say here, kinda speaks for itself.

 

As for his E abilities, while i have no problems with them as is, i think they might work out better if P simply spread his plague and temporarily zombified people and/or exiles, then combined with a compatible plague zombie into one of the zombie bosses. Maybe this kills the host he uses to transform?  I kinda like this system better than simply biting exiles and turning them into spam zombie bosses. This way he can make zombie mooks and make use of those badass zombie synchros like the boss monsters they are.

 

Anyway, i like him and diabolos needs more people.

 

Verdict: Accepted, although i still recommend making the changes that i mentioned if you feel they're appropriate.

 

[/spoiler]

[Kari-chan]

I'm not trying to be pushy I was just ensuring you saw my app? ^-^

[Mugendramon]

He did, but he's making app reviews one by one. It takes a while.

[Kari-chan]

Oh I'm sure they do xD I just wanted to know and and did not want to be seen as rude for asking lol.

[BANZAI!!!!]

I'm not trying to be pushy I was just ensuring you saw my app? ^-^

I'm well aware of all of the apps in my thread. Just doing these in whatever order i feel like.

 

Mugen's is done. Next victim is below etc. Y'all should know the drill by now. Still looking for skype info if anyone has it and wants to give it to me.

 

this race mixture seems to be outside the box... hope it's not too much

 

[spoiler='Chaos']

"If it's something interesting, then there is no reason to refuse!"

Name: Chaos (yea, just that)

Gender: Male

Age: 12 for human

Height: 4'27

[spoiler='Physical Description']

[/spoiler]

[spoiler='Personality']

Chaos is an Exile, with the real identity still covered. He possessed the ability to change himself into human without any remaining evidence as an Exile. In his human form Chaos is seems to be a confident and recklessly boy who always does a thing just because it's sounds interesting (including how he started Combat Duel almost 30 years ago) but at the same time, Chaos is flawless at mental skills, so that he can always read people and predict their next moves before they even do them which making him never affected by any mind tactics from his opponent, he also knows what's the best choice to speak in many specific conversations, just let Chaos negotiating with someone and he will gain everything he wants from that person. maybe it's his Exile ability, but who know? for his sister, Neph, Chaos is the most friendly and kind brother ever. Chaos's dueling style is simple, using his opponent power as his own to win is how he currently dueling, but for his True form's dueling style (as well as True personality) are still unrevealed.

[/spoiler]

Faction: Diabolos

[spoiler='Backstory']

Chaos was entered this world almost 30 years ago, when the world still not damaged so much, so he thought this world that he just saw first time is interesting, which make Chaos started using his human form, which never changed or growth since then, to live with human, escaping the Exile effect's damage with them, experiencing CONSNT being formed with them, start Combat dueling with them and when CONSNT started hunting Exiles seriously, he even joined them, despite being a 12-years old kid, after some conversations with someone who operated those hunters, and during the first hunt, he found some Rogue Exile that just appeared by Exile effect and seems not to know even how she appeared in this world, what should she do here or even her own names (too young to have one). Chaos gave her some sort of power so that she can make her own human form and her own deck, and since then they were become siblings. Not so long after that, Chaos faced Diabolos became friend with him and accept to help with his plan just because it's interesting. Diabolos never thinks it's a good idea to have someone he couldn't even identified the true personality behind that outright childish-mask as a comrade, but he didn't do anything to break their relationship though.

[/spoiler]

[spoiler='Card Pool']

Copycat x 2

Brain Control (since I saw TER in other app, so I guess this is fine)

Mind Control

Swords of Revealing Light

Fiend's Sanctuary x 2

Mystical Space Typhoon

Torrential Tribute

Mirror Force

Dimensional Prison x 2

Dimension Wall x 2

Magic Cylinder x 2

Memory of an adversary x 2

[/spoiler]

Bound Exile: Chaos didn't possessed any Bound Exile

Misc. info/fun facts: Chaos was a f***** lazy crap who barely duel recently, because when he need to, he'll just use his sister to do it for him and what he does is only watching, also he's undoubtedly a siscon, his sister just too dumb to realize it

[/spoiler]

 

[spoiler='Neph']

"I'm so sorry, but for my brother's sake, I have to kill you"

Name: Nephilim, or Neph for short

Gender: Female
Age: 9 for human, with about 300 years old for real age (kinda young for spirit too)

Height: 4'12

[spoiler='Physical Description (Human Form)']

 

Yes, she can make that wing visible if she wants to, but normally she hides it.

[/spoiler]

[spoiler='Physical Description (Exile Form)']

Card: El-Shadoll Nephilim

Exile Class: Rogue

no different, except the main colors of Neph is white instead of blue

[/spoiler]

[spoiler='Personality']

Nephilim, or Neph as her brother called, is also an Exile that was coming to this world by an Exile effect, but she couldn't do anything as much as her brother did. in her human form that she managed to create by Chaos's help, she's shy, taciturn, immature, kind and obedient, but after living with Chaos, she seems to be more reliable. In Combat duel, Neph's not only be kindness with her monsters, but also her opponent and their monsters, which usually make any Combat duel outsides of the legal tournament become null due to her opponent's not able to attack her anymore and nor does she. as for now, Chaos just succeed to teach her to ignore her own feeling and finishing an opponent.

[/spoiler]

Faction: Diabolos

[spoiler='Backstory']

Several years ago, Neph entered this world by the result of Exile effect, at that time she was confusing and seemed to lose her way, the environment is weird for her, this world is obviously not her world, and she even don't know how did she appeared here or how to go back. and that's the moment when she met Chaos, got some of his power and became his sisters. Later than that, Chaos had helped her a lot, taught the world's basic knowledge, got her hand on a Bound Exile, etc. At the moment she's a decent duelist who just got rid of her biggest weakness, her kindness, and ready for the dueling tournament that her brother wants her to join for some reasons. While dueling, she can also cast herself as an Exile, and if she does, the doll in her hand will turn into a Shadoll Beast, which move by her will so that she can still have it control the Combat disk while she focusing on using her power. or in another case, if Chaos has nothing to do, he can control the disk instead of a beast, and if that happened, they never lose to anyone

[/spoiler]

[spoiler='Exile Ability']

Shadow Network: can only be used if Neph is in her true form, by releasing Shadow Strings around herself, any opponent (no such a number restriction, just all) within the range of the string will temporarily lose the right to control their own body and power, and that right now belongs to Neph, so using this when she was attacked by multiple opponents are really useful, the only weakness is while she's controlling the victims, she's immobilized as well.

[/spoiler]

[spoiler='Card Pool']

El-Shadoll Nephilim

El-Shadoll Midrash

Shadoll Dragon x 2

Shadoll Lizard

Shadoll Falcon x 2

Electromagnetic Turtle

Shadoll Fusion

Fusion Weapon x 2

Super Polymerization

Mystical Space Typhoon

Mirror Force

Dimensional Prison x 2

Shadollroots

[/spoiler]

Bound Exile: El-Shadoll Midrash

Misc. info/fun facts: Neph is the youngest Duelist participating in this dueling tournament

[/spoiler]

 

[spoiler='Milla Strauss']

"..."

Name: Milla Strauss

Age: Unknown

Gender: Female

Card: El-Shadoll Midrash

Exile Class: Bound

Owner of card: Neph

Faction: Diabolos

[spoiler='Physical Description']

identical to the card.

[/spoiler]

[spoiler='Personality']

Milla never talked, in fact none of Shadolls except Neph are capable to speak. Neph only knows her name because Chaos told her without any explanation. Milla is like a doll, she never does anything by her own will and normally she'll not do anything for other people too, but for Neph she felted some similar presence for herself, which makes her fully trusted Neph at the first met and only listened to her order. so mind controlling techniques has no effect on Milla because she barely has anything in mind. Even so, she also has something she really afraid of, her master's brother, Chaos, as Milla is able to sensing the Exile's presence, she sensed something wicked and horrible from Chaos's body at their first met.

[/spoiler]

[spoiler='Backstory']

Milla is apparently a doll who seems to have no memory for Spirit World at all, she first appeared in this world when Neph cast her years ago, and after that she became her master's trump card and best friend, an example is behind her brother's back, Neph never hides her weakness and always complains about any problem she faced to Milla, who can't respond and just listened until Neph has nothing to say and feel better.

[/spoiler]

[spoiler='Exile Ability']

Shadow Veil: using the shadow power, Milla instantly create a Shadow orb which covers around herself or her allies for 1-2 seconds, it's said to be unbreakable by any attack, but repeatedly use this may cause her to exhaust and unable to fight as it consume a huge amount of energy.

[/spoiler]

Misc. info/fun facts: even Shadolls can't speak, they're somehow able to communicate with each other. Perhaps Neph will know how they do that when she's older

[/spoiler]

 

Edit: I finished them, hope I'll getting a review soon :)

 

[spoiler=Da Review]This is going to need some major overhauling....

 

Lets start with the main problem in this application.While i'm alright with exiles dueling to a certain extent since its theoretically possible for them to get a hold of a duel disk and cards, i'm for sure not alright with an exile being in possession of another exile's card. On this same token, you've given no explanation as to why Chaos and Neph can assume human forms. Even if you did though, I'm really not ok with that either since it defeats the purpose of them being monsters from another world.

 

Next thing, this app was painfully difficult to read due to grammatical issues. For my sanity's sake please correct them, as they are numerous and it makes it look like the app was composed in another language and thrown into google translate. gonna go though each character individually now.

 

Chaos is, in my opinion, the worst of the three. I;d almost suggest cutting him out all together so that you can focus on the more interesting shadoll dynamic between mila and neph, which can be rather awesome if done right. I can barely get a good image of his personality as it is , and what i have makes him seem like a heterochromatic expy of near from death note. His backstory needs work as well, since i believe it states that he showed up before the first exile, which is impossible. This, plus the fact that chaos's portion of the app is by far the most unreadable, makes me think that you shoudn't proceed with him as a character. If you feel that you must do so, then he is going to need some very heavy editing. I think he would work best as a human. A young tactical genius in the service of diabolos perhaps?

 

Neph is better, but no by no means is she workable at the moment either. Once again, the human form is unexplained and im not a fan of it anyway. I do however like the fact that she is rather benevolent toward the shadoll monsters that are connected to her. He exile ability is broken, no two ways about it. Instant  AOE thought control is not going to fly here. Neph would work better as a bound exile, perhaps being used by Diabolos's forces as a weapon to control numerous shadoll monsters for the assault on gaea. SHe doesn;t want to fight, but because an evil human (chaos maybe?) is in possession of her card, she must kill for them or she (and by extension all of the shadoll monsters that rely on her for life by being connected to her) will be killed instead. She can be a very interesting character if re-written correclty

 

Mila, is more or less fine, although if you are going to re-write the other two characters she too will need a major overhaul.

 

All in all, there is both a lot of potential and a shitload of things that are wrong in this app. The cardpool(s) will need work as well, but i've decided to neglect going through them until the application itself is cleaned up. The human/exile hybrid thing needs to go, the grammar needs cleaning up, and the characters should be re-worked to better fit those changes. pm me if you'd like me to give you a hand.

 

Verdict: Tagged WIP. edits need to be made before i review this again. [/spoiler]

[BANZAI!!!!]

Aqua's is done, next one is below yada yada yada.

 

 

[spoiler= Duelist]

"I'll find you and take you back Onii-chan! "

Name: Raena Hazashi

Gender: Female(But due to her outfit and voice disruptor in her helmet her gender is ambiguous)

Age: 18

Height: 4'11

Physical description:
[spoiler=Armored]

No this is not just me being lazy I truly like the mystery ninja's art and wanted it to be her armored form.[/spoiler]
[Spoiler= Unarmored][/spoiler]
Through the use of wrapping and a small chest she is indistinguishable from a male.

[spoiler= Personality] Rae as she likes others to call her, has a cheery and a stupid demeanor despite her harsh past she still holds on to her childish ideals of saving the world and loves to voice this fact. She can be smart witted and kind of an ass at times but shes a very pure hearted girl that only wants to bring her brother back from the destructive path hes set out on.[/spoiler]


Faction: independent

[Spoiler= Backstory]
Raena is a member of one of the last remaining ninja clans after the calamity with the rise of anarchy and warlords the Ninja's purpose was restored and soon they grew massive in stature they became one of the most feared names to be whispered. "The Hazashi clan." Raena Was raised in the clans higher social standings and since the age of six she underwent brutal training to hone her mind and body to become the perfect assassin. Times were good for the clan and for Raena, she and her brother grew up almost like twins despite him being 2 years older than her. They competed at everything and despite her brother being better than her in everyday she always tried to surpass him and he found her desire to become better than him endearing. When the day of her eighteenth birthday despite it being her birthday her brother was being announced to graduate the academy and become a high ranked member of the clan some even expected him to succeed the grand master, She was fine with this as he had little but his position and she knew it meant a lot to him. Plus she would make him buy her tofu later. That.... Was the day it all changed. The clan was attacked by a rival clan and the grandmaster was slain, Raena in her anger awakened the Ninjitsu art of transformation and Killed the assailant. She did not know what she did that day but it changed everything for her and her brother. The next morning the new grand master was to be declared and Her brother was the obvious choice, despite his age none but the grandmaster could match him and Raena thought so too. But unbeknownst to her the elders had other ideas. Because in the clans lore the Spirit within the Card Raena activated in response to her, when it should only respond to the grandmaster they claimed her as the new grand master, much to her and her brothers shock and dismay. Her brother worked realy hard to get to his position, Raena pleaded but they would have no word of it she was their Grandmaster now. This sent her bother mad, one day there was commotion, she hadn't been grand master for a week. Raena rushed to the temple where the Ninjitsu Art cards were held and found her brother and with a sick blood splattered grin he disappeared cards in tow. Raena is convinced her brother is involved in the tourney and is aiming to find and capture him there.[/spoiler]

[spoiler= Card Pool]
Red Dragon Ninja x1
Dark Simorgh x1
Brain Crusher x1
MST x2
Seven tools of the Bandit x2
Magic Jammer x2
Great Poseidon Beetle x1
Alpacaribou, Mystical Beast of the Forest x1
Ookazi x2
impenetrable attack x2
Meteor of Destruction x2
(To be changed with more Ninjutsu cards when her story grows.) [/spoiler]


Exile: Ninjitsu Art of Trance formation

Misc. info/fun facts: She has a hero Complex and though she really does want to bring her brother back she is also using this as a way to escape her duties.[/spoiler]

[spoiler= Exile]

"..."

Name:

Age:

Gender:

Card: Ninjitsu Art of Transformation

Exile Class: Bound

(If Bound Exile) Raena Hazashi

Faction: Independent

Physical Description: It appears as an blue Aura that surrounds her.

Personality: When under the influence of the Ninjutsu Art Raena's personality drastically changes. She can become more feral and moody sometimes prone to violence or attitudes she regularly wouldn't have. When Raena transforms is when her personality is changes the most by Ninjutsu Art. It takes over more completely and has varying effects. When Raena is a Beast type She becomes ferocious less prone to thinking first and rarely speaks almost as if restrained by the power or the beast she became. When she takes on the form of an insect she becomes single minded and stupid not her usual playing dumb but cold and calculating. When In the form of a Winged-Beast She becomes more intelligent and skilled. Despite this her personality turns more to that of carefree while having her mind on the task at hand, a contradictory like a gust of wind.
(Ya know I could just complained I think I did a dam good job since its a trap card and all so doesn't have a personality.)

[spoiler= Backstory]
Ninjitsu Art of Trance formation like all of the other singleton Ninjitsu Art cards were protected by Raena's former Grandmaster and predecessor he used the cards to make his clan what they have become today. Some say each Ninjitsu Art card has a Exile but that is far from the truth... Or is it?
[/spoiler]

Exile Ability
Nijitsu Art of Transformation allows is owner to turn in to a Beast, Winged-Beast, or Insect type monster from their card pool. This version of combat allows the user to become more powerful so they can fight to defeat the Enemy Exile.
The User is always treated as a level 4. The user is not tributed but their transformed in to the monster for a limited time before turning back with a cool down time.
[/spoiler]

Hope this goes over well Ehe~

[spoiler=Da Review]Not that much of a fan of this one... needs work.

 

Lets take care of Raena's section of the app first before we go to the exile and the cardpool.  Raena's personality section is just over 2 lines, which is far below the six line minimum. Hell, that's less than the minimum length for an IC post. The content of those two lines is also rather bland, and if i do say so myself rather unfitting a stealthy ninja assassin. Raena's backstory is also rather sub par. Grammatical errors (because im totally one to talk) aside, her sole motivation is finder her unnamed brother, which is a tad dull. While im semi-ok with the idea of ninjas existing in the exiles universe (martial arts training and shit might be a decent substitute for the lack of firearms for covert ops), its still rather blandly done here, with a stereotypical ninja temple-type setup. Its also rather idiotic for the temple to simply have a stash of ninjitsu art cards. Trading cards are mass-produced, and even though they are rare post-apocalypse, there would still be multiple copies of all of them somewhere. either way, Raena's app could use fleshing out and additional detail, perhaps some re-working.

 

Her exile is a pile of wasted potential. Ninjitsu art of transformation is one of the few cards that allow exiles to summon-transform into monsters of a different type, which opens up huge possibilities for versatility in combat. As well, exiles are almost always sentient in some way, and as such its best to avoid using cards that could not be depicted this way. Id recommend you using a ninja monster as your exile and making use of a few copies of ninjitsu art of transformation for interesting summon transformations.

 

Cardpool needs some work. From the top we go.

 

Ninja simorgh and crusher are fine for summon transformations, though im still recommending you use an actual monster as an exile. mst is mst, seven tools is fine for trap negation, although it will cost life force every time it is cast, so it may not be the best move. magic jammer does spell negation for a burnt card, which is fine. Beetle is again, an ok summon transformation (though id limit yourself to three transformations at the most, since its unrealistic to have any more). Alpacaribou is useless, since the cards it defends will be summon transformations, which as exiles can simply dodge card effects thrown at them. ookazi and meteor of destruction are useless cards, since they target players, not monsters, and cant be used in a combat duel. impenetrable attack is a meh defense buff, since only its first effect is useful at all, and when made real by the exile effect only buffs defensive abilities. Monster removal spells and attack negation are normally better choices for card pools.

 

alll in all, the app has some potential, but in its current state it is very poorly executed, and needs more detail. make changes to the cardpool, personality and exile sections.

 

Verdict: WIP until recomended edits are made.

 

 

[/spoiler]

[-Noel-]

I'm well aware of all of the apps in my thread. Just doing these in whatever order i feel like.

 

Mugen's is done. Next victim is below etc. Y'all should know the drill by now. Still looking for skype info if anyone has it and wants to give it to me.

 

 

[spoiler=Da Review]This is going to need some major overhauling....

 

Lets start with the main problem in this application.While i'm alright with exiles dueling to a certain extent since its theoretically possible for them to get a hold of a duel disk and cards, i'm for sure not alright with an exile being in possession of another exile's card. On this same token, you've given no explanation as to why Chaos and Neph can assume human forms. Even if you did though, I'm really not ok with that either since it defeats the purpose of them being monsters from another world.

 

Next thing, this app was painfully difficult to read due to grammatical issues. For my sanity's sake please correct them, as they are numerous and it makes it look like the app was composed in another language and thrown into google translate. gonna go though each character individually now.

 

Chaos is, in my opinion, the worst of the three. I;d almost suggest cutting him out all together so that you can focus on the more interesting shadoll dynamic between mila and neph, which can be rather awesome if done right. I can barely get a good image of his personality as it is , and what i have makes him seem like a heterochromatic expy of near from death note. His backstory needs work as well, since i believe it states that he showed up before the first exile, which is impossible. This, plus the fact that chaos's portion of the app is by far the most unreadable, makes me think that you shoudn't proceed with him as a character. If you feel that you must do so, then he is going to need some very heavy editing. I think he would work best as a human. A young tactical genius in the service of diabolos perhaps?

 

Neph is better, but no by no means is she workable at the moment either. Once again, the human form is unexplained and im not a fan of it anyway. I do however like the fact that she is rather benevolent toward the shadoll monsters that are connected to her. He exile ability is broken, no two ways about it. Instant  AOE thought control is not going to fly here. Neph would work better as a bound exile, perhaps being used by Diabolos's forces as a weapon to control numerous shadoll monsters for the assault on gaea. SHe doesn;t want to fight, but because an evil human (chaos maybe?) is in possession of her card, she must kill for them or she (and by extension all of the shadoll monsters that rely on her for life by being connected to her) will be killed instead. She can be a very interesting character if re-written correclty

 

Mila, is more or less fine, although if you are going to re-write the other two characters she too will need a major overhaul.

 

All in all, there is both a lot of potential and a shitload of things that are wrong in this app. The cardpool(s) will need work as well, but i've decided to neglect going through them until the application itself is cleaned up. The human/exile hybrid thing needs to go, the grammar needs cleaning up, and the characters should be re-worked to better fit those changes. pm me if you'd like me to give you a hand.

 

Verdict: Tagged WIP. edits need to be made before i review this again. [/spoiler]

alright thx for constructive criticism and suggestion, I'll finish my new app soon

[Kari-chan]

Oh I'm sure they do xD I just wanted to know and and did not want to be seen as rude for asking lol.

Lol Judging from the current record of apps, I'm practically begging to be destroyed xD

[BANZAI!!!!]

Lol Judging from the current record of apps, I'm practically begging to be destroyed xD

I'm just being particular and my rules are a tad confusing is all. dont sweat it.

 

Kari's is done, doing broken's second next. we're almost finished with these and we should be starting next week. Just waiting on app edits and giga, Justice master, and finalfan to turn in apps.

 

 

[spoiler=Geppetto]
"Oh, don't mind my darling son; he's just a free spirit."

 

Name: Geppetto Pierott

 

Gender: M

 

Age: 74

 

Height: 5"4 

 

[spoiler=Physical Description] Geppetto is permanently hunched over, cutting him down from his original height of 6"1. He weighs in at 61 kg. His head is completely bereft of hair, and shines due to daily polishing given by his darling son. His eyes are a delicious chocolate brown, except for right eye, which is permanently blood shot due to the one time Son had such a temper tantrum. The only hair left on him is the rather full bush pushing out from his ears, and his very thick eyebrows. His face is relatively smooth, though his skin sags around his brow and mouth.

 

Geppetto is quite prone to wearing a simple white shirt with a black bow tie. His greying pants are kept up by a pair of bright red suspenders. He wears wooden clogs decorated with some lovely patterns of dead people that Son very kindly painted for him. For support, Geppetto uses a crudely made walking stick.[/spoiler]

 

[spoiler=Personality]Geppetto is such a devoted, loving father to his beloved Son. It just fills his heart with joy just to see the bright smile on his darling Son's face. Ever since he had to close down his carpenter's shop due to reasons of health, Geppetto's time was spent for naught until his sweet Son came into his life. It was in a duel he had been having with another senior citizen, and it was such a beautiful birth. Ever since Son came into his life every waking moment was devoted to him, and Geppetto was finally happy again. His speech is very disjointed at times, and he has a habit of starting up a conversation halfway through a conversation that hasn't even happened. Despite this senility he has moments of rather well kept wisdom when a child or a father is in a state of confusion; and despite the fracturing of his mind his dueling skills are still well kept. He has a rather strong fondness for prunes.[/spoiler]

 

Faction: CONSNT

 

[spoiler=Backstory]Geppetto was a well renowned carpenter in his little town, and still continued to ply his trade even after the disaster, as a means to keep hope alive with his creations. He had to stop eventually, since his health was beginning to deteriorate and his mind as starting to go. He would hammer the same nail multiple times in a row before he even realized he had done it. After retiring, Geppetto decided to keep himself amused by dueling. He was taught how to duel by his first son (may he rest in peace); and by a sheer miracle during a duel with another senior citizen Son manifested. Like a kiss from the Blue Fairy the card came to life, and Geppetto had another son.

 

This is all a lie, actually; since in truth, Geppetto had been growing senile ever since his family was destroyed during the disaster 30 years ago. His Son, his wife and newborn son were in the audience for the World Champioships; and were part of the collateral the unknown creature had caused. Absolutely stunned, Geppetto slowly lost hope as the years of disaster crept by. He wasn't even a carpenter, or was called Geppetto. Those were traits picked up from his favourite story Pinnochio; the one he used to read to his son hen he was just a youngin'. But the facts about his son teaching him to duel and how Son came about were true. Geppetto is a member of CONSNT purely for the safety of others and himself. Son tends to be rather violent at times, and the organization recruited Geppetto in order to secure the safety of Geppetto and the general populace. They attempted to take Son away from Geppetto, and to this date none of the extraction team had ever seen an old man fight like that.[/spoiler]

 

[spoiler=Card Pool]Gearspring Spirit x2

Gimmick Puppet Shadow Feeler

Gimmick Puppet Twilight Joker x2

Gimmick Puppet - Dreary Doll

Gimmick Puppet Nightmare

Gimmick Puppet Des Troy x2

Gimmick Puppet Gear Changer x2

Mirror Force 

Fiendish Chain x2

Void Trap Hole

Mystical Space Typhoon

Gimmick Puppet of Strings

Gimmick Puppet of Leo

[/spoiler]

 

Exile: Son

 

Misc. info/fun facts: He keeps Son's Control Bar in one of his many pockets.[/spoiler]

 

[spoiler=Son]

"..."

 

Name: Son

 

Date of Creation: Was left unrecorded

 

Gender: M(?)

 

Card: Gimmick Puppet - Magne Doll

 

Exile Class: Bound

 

Owner of card: Geppetto

 

Faction: CONSNT

 

[spoiler=Physical Description]

Same as the card, except loose wires hang from his limbs. His Control Bar is kept by Geppetto[/spoiler]

 

[spoiler=Personality]Son is the strong silent type, literally. He can't talk, but Geppetto always knows instantly what he would be saying. Personality-wise, Son is much like a violent man-child. When he looks at things, he is always enthused by the idea of what is on the inside, and will usually wrench it open to find out. Machinery, box, living things, he is quite interested in finding out what's inside. He doesn't have eyes either, but he gives people looks that they just find disturbing, as if, he's mentally dissecting them. He is also quite fond of pulling the wings off things. But of course he's good around Father; Father wouldn't want him doing such naughty things. Father is so kind, and gentle, and loving. He could do no wrong for Father dear. But those who would try to take Father away, well, that's just not on. Not on at all. Someone tried to take Father away once, that someone didn't get a second chance to do it again.

 

The root of his obsession of what is inside, is because he himself is empty. A puppet does not have a heart, nor a soul. They do not feel, and cannot understand the feelings of others. But, there was always something special about Father Geppetto. Son feels so alive and full of feeling around him. Father is Life itself, and those who would try to take him away will suffer for trying to take away his feelings.[/spoiler]

 

[spoiler=Backstory]Son was just another Gimmick Puppet held in the Gimmick Shop, kept enslaved by the Control Bars planted on every Gimmick Puppet to keep them from running amok. Son was granted a free chance after answering the call of a miserable old man. And thus, the Fun began.[/spoiler]

 

[spoiler=Exile Ability]

His ability is known as The Show Must Go On. So long as his Control Bar is kept undamaged, Son cannot be destroyed. Whilst most weak attacks won't phase him, stronger attacks will quite literally cause him to go to pieces. But shortly after doing so he will reform back into his original shape. He cannot move more than 20 feet away from his Control Bar. Trying to move out of that range causes the wires to tighten and point in the direction of the Control Bar. Though frayed and loose normally, when the strings are tightened they fully manifest, and are quite impossible to sever. Son can use the fully manifested strings as a weapon.[/spoiler]

 

Misc. info/fun facts: He keeps a stamp collection and likes throwing baseballs back and forth.[/spoiler]

 

 

[spoiler=Bellatrix Eir]
"My sweet Lord Diabolos, I would do anything for you."

 

Name: Bellatrix (Belle) Eir

 

Gender: F

 

Age: 19

 

Height: 6"4

 

[spoiler=Physical Description]Her silver hair hangs long down her back, and pools around both her shoulders. Her green eyes shine with a deep love, and a deep cruelty. Much to her continuous aggravation, Bellatrix's nose has a small crick in it. Such an imperfection is such a blasphemy in the gaze of lord Diabolos; though thankfully he has yet to notice. She wears a steel headband adorned with small black wings that glide through her hair.

 

She wears a solid black breastplate that covers her upper torso, but leaves her naval well exposed. The trim of the armour is laced with light blue. Underneath the armour she wears as black leather top that climbs to the black spike choker around her neck. Adorning her arms she wears black spiked gloves that climb to her elbows, with spikes running the entire length of the way. Tipping each finger is a silver claw, just right for tearing out the flesh of fools who would defy Lord Diabolos. Much to the delight of the male Diabolos members, Bellatrix wears bright blue panties hidden behind a black with light-blue trim breech cloth adorned with the name of Diabolos in his demon tongue. But for the sake of more modesty, she wears a black scaled skirt that opens in the front, but well defends the back. The inside of the skirt is designed much like bat wings, with quite visible bone structure. Her ensemble gets topped off by thigh high black boots with pointed curled toes.[/spoiler]

 

[spoiler=Personality]Bellatrix loves Lord Diabolos; and despite his harsh and cruel demeanour, she knows that he loves her too. Yes, Lord Diabolos is so kind and loving. And those who do not know Lord Diabolos' love is surely an enemy to be destroyed. Bellatrix fawns over her great Lord Diabolos like a lovestruck teen, and she is usually seen hanging onto him like barnacle, or a bangle. When not being in the process of her one true love, Bellatrix is... interesting to say the least. She believes herself the High Priestess to Diabolos, and tries to preach the good word whenever she can, in order to share the love with all those who know the one true ruler of this world. Those who refuse to, like those lowly maggots belonging to CONSNT. How could those fools fail to recognize his superiority was beyond her understanding. What she does understand however, is that they require extermination if they refuse to believe in Diabolos' superiority.

 

If it wasn't yet established, Bellatrix suffers from her own form of Stockholm Syndrome. No matter what Diabolos does to her, her faith, and her love will never waver as all he does to her is in the name of love, as far as she is concerned. She would gladly die by his hand, as that is simply another display of his love.[/spoiler]

 

Faction: Diabolos

 

[spoiler=Backstory]Bellatrix was an ordinary girl living an ordinary life, until CONSNT came to her little settlement, and they tried to drive the inhabitants out. It the only home she knew and they were trying to take her from it. As if knowing her wishes, Diabolos' forces intercepted the CONSNT warriors and they were summarily destroyed. Thanking the dark warriors, she pledged herself to them without question. They took her, and she was treated like a slave. She answered their demands without question, and she could only smile as she worked in Diabolos' great name. That was, until her position was heightened exponentially when she finally summoned her own Exile, Yubel. The powerful Exile increased her rank amongst the troops. Surely this was another blessing from Diabolos, as it was surely by his great kindness that one of his greatest supporters would join with her so they may do his bidding. Taking out to the world in the name of conquest, many of the weaker existences fell towards the great might of Yubel, and they learned fear.[/spoiler]

 

[spoiler=Card Pool]Effect Veiler x2

Savage Colosseum x2

Forbidden Lance

Forbidden Chalice x2

Forbidden Dress

Fiendish Chain x2

Breakthrough Skill

Trap Hole x2

Trap Stun x2

Safe Zone

Battle Mania x2

[/spoiler]

 

Exile: Yubel

 

Misc. info/fun facts: Her outfit was tailored to resemble Lord Diabolos. It was made after the recent summoning of her Exile.[/spoiler]

 

[spoiler=Yubel]

"Enemies of my beloved Lord Diabolos will taste the pain of rejection!"

 

Name: Yubel

 

Age: Who knows?

 

Gender: M/F

 

Card: Yubel

 

Exile Class: Bound

 

Owner of card: Bellatrix

 

Faction: Diabolos

 

[spoiler=Physical Description]No difference from the card.[/spoiler]

 

[spoiler=Personality]Yubel is just as demented as her Summoner, as she will never question Diabolos, never. Her love for him spawned when she first saw him in the Duel Monster World; an it blossomed like a black rose as she saw the way he sowed destruction and pain to the fools who would oppose him. Her heart belongs only to him, and only those deemed worthy may love him as much as she does. In his name Yubel will destroy all if it would please Diabolos; and with her understanding of pain, she will most certainly please him. The only other thing she loves in this world is Bellatrix, for she is the only other true followed of Diabolos who understands his majesty, and that outfit of hers is very pleasing to the eye.

 

Yubel tends to be a bit of a sadist, when she plays with her enemies. Humans and monsters alike are just her playthings, though sadly, every toy must break. And when they do, it's just time to get another. Despite her ability, Yubel herself revels in the pain inflicted on her body. Every cut, scratch and bruise inflicted on her is sheer pleasure. She savours in it, as all the pain given to her will be dealt back double in the name of Diabolos.[/spoiler]

 

[spoiler=Backstory]Yubel was a follower of Diabolos, even before he left for the Human World. His might and his stature enamoured her so, and she followed him to the ends of the earth. Saddened without her Lord, she spent much of her time in the Duel Monster World striking fear into the hearts of those who do not know Lord Diabolos' majesty. That was, until the wonderful day when she too was drawn to the Human World. And, such luck: She found herself at the side of another who understood Diabolos' majesty. Together, their love will darken CONSNT's day.[/spoiler]

 

[spoiler=Exile Ability]Her Exile ability, according to the CONSNT database is called Stockholm Syndrome. All damage and pain she receives can be transferred to any other Exile within the gaze of her Third Eye. She will remain unharmed so long as an Exile is within visible range. This ability does not work on Humans, or non-Exile monsters. It is rumoured that she possesses another ability known only through whispers as the Dark Dragon's Renewal, but only Yubel truly knows what it does.[/spoiler]

 

Misc. info/fun facts: She keeps one of Diabolos' shed scales, as a keepsake from her beloved.[/spoiler]

[spoiler=Da Review]At last i have time to bitch about apps again! Well, minus the some of bitching. This one's ok for the most part.

 

Duelist first. I don't really have too much to say on Bellatrix aside from the fact that she's freakishly tall. Her personality is fine, and generally fits with her faction. Seems like she's been exposed to Diabolos's E ability miasma for far too long, since she's most likely spent plenty of time in close proximity to him and its fairly obvious that she's losing or has lost her sanity. I see room for character growth there.

 

I do, however, have a couple of gripes with Yubel. Her personality is again, fine, and fits her character well. My main issue is her E ability, since transferring all damage and pain to any enemy within sight range makes her functionally invincible. Its an easy fix, though. Simply making stockholm syndrome non-passive (IE: Yubel must consciously look at a target and activate her ability to transfer damage) and/or (Preferably and) making the E ability replicate the damage done to yubel, rather than (I'm assuming) healing yubel and transferring all injuries would balance it out rather nicely. Im assuming Stockholm Syndrome is also useless if she is blinded or her eye is damaged in some way. I'd also ask that you remove any hints of her possessing a second ability, as all exiles only posses one. If Dark Dragon's Renewal is what i think it is (Transforming into terror incarnate>ultimate nightmare), then it need not be an E ability as it is most likely something she was able to do while still in the spirit world as opposed to an E ability, which is a skill or power that a duel spirit gains when they become an exile due to the Exile Effect.

 

Card pool is pretty alright. Savage coliseum is an easy way to wipe out any non-exile monsters, and the effect it has on exiles makes them more aggressive, which works in Bell and Yubel's favor. Lance Chalice and Dress all provide good, but very temporary buffs and immunities in exchange for an increase or decrease in yubel's strength for the duration. Do note that they do nothing against E abilities which are not card effects at all, however. Fiendish chain is good for restraining exiles and negating support monster effects occasionally. Breakthrough skill is also good for this, although it is more or less useless against exiles since its card art doesn't depict anything that i would consider useable in a combat duel. perhaps replacing it might be a good idea. trap hole makes pitfalls and kills support monsters, but like all the holes it is a very avoidable card against exiles since they can simply climb/fly out of it. Trap stun negates traps. Safe zone is interesting, since it effectively renders an exile invincible in exchange for them being unable to cause any sort of damage. Its a great way to make an escape from an unfavorable situation, although it prevents yubel from using stockholm syndrome to inflict injuries (pain transfer is still useable however). Battle mania does much the same thing as savage Colosseum, although its effects are more potent (it probably sends exiles into violent rages as opposed to just making them aggressive) and are also temporary, since it isn't continuous. 

 

Overall its fine, although before i accept it i'd like you to alter Stockholm syndrome. Although your cardpool is fine as-is, some edits to it might be helpful since some of the card choices don't do what i think you thought they did. correct me if i'm wrong.

 

Verdict: Accepted once required changes are made.

[/spoiler]

[Kari-chan]

*salutes* Yesm sir, I'll re work it as best I can and PM you when its done! I guess I sort of liked the idea of the character being more in the thick of it than usually.  But about her brother I intended to have his side of the same story it would be like how she saw the events and how he saw them. I wanted to see how her app went down before I did his. I guess I should have done them both to avoid confusion.

 

Also If not to much o a bother could you pm me a shortened list of the issues so I can more efficiently deal with them? Along with the Grammar errors because I ran it through a spell and grammar checker so I'm confused where I messed up there :)

[Justice Master]

NOTE: My little sister's birthday is today, so I'm not gonna be on to edit until much later. But once I get back on, Sirocco will be done.