Agro's Serious AMA

[Agro]

So the last AMA I was doing devolved into a weird mix of people making me feel good about myself and also me posting a picture of Mockingbird that I edited to say "I love you"– of which no one found funny, apparently.

So I wanted to try it again, but this time answer every question as seriously as I can, and hopefully in response, I'll get serious questions. I don't ever feel people actually get to know me that well, and I never really get to hear what people think of me all that much– mainly because my past attempt at asking were always met with a sarcastic response. (also, because I'm just generally s*** at reading social cues)

So if you could, keep it civil, keep it serious, and I'll do my best to be as honest with you as I can.

[Nathanael D. Striker]

What was it like in Wisconsin on that fateful day?

[Agro]

What was it like in Wisconsin on that fateful day?

I'm assuming you mean the fail mary?

Well, assuming you're actually being serious and want to know, I'm not sure I can speak for every city in the state when I say there wasn't like, riots or anything. At least not physically. Social media blew up, for sure. There wasn't a single person on my facebook timeline who wasn't talking about it... except for one dude who doesn't follow sports, I think.

Everyone was pretty steamed about it. I mean, it didn't necessarily boil over into the next day in general emotion, but it came up when people needed something to talk about in casual conversation for sure. The local media, obviously, spent most of their sports segments on it, and if I remember correctly, it was front page on the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel.

I was pretty angry myself, I spent most of the night not getting homework done and instead reading through facebook posts and articles about it, just generally trying to cope while also kind of just bandwagoning a little, too. I like feeling like I'm a part of something, assuming I agree with the basic sentiment. Or at least following it. Whatever made me feel less like my favorite team was cheated out of a win, or rather that other people agreed that they were.

[Lunar Origins]

What are you doing in college?  What kind of career are you thinking of pursuing after you graduate?

[Nathanael D. Striker]

I'm assuming you mean the fail mary?

Well, assuming you're actually being serious and want to know, I'm not sure I can speak for every city in the state when I say there wasn't like, riots or anything. At least not physically. Social media blew up, for sure. There wasn't a single person on my facebook timeline who wasn't talking about it... except for one dude who doesn't follow sports, I think.

Everyone was pretty steamed about it. I mean, it didn't necessarily boil over into the next day in general emotion, but it came up when people needed something to talk about in casual conversation for sure. The local media, obviously, spent most of their sports segments on it, and if I remember correctly, it was front page on the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel.

I was pretty angry myself, I spent most of the night not getting homework done and instead reading through facebook posts and articles about it, just generally trying to cope while also kind of just bandwagoning a little, too. I like feeling like I'm a part of something, assuming I agree with the basic sentiment. Or at least following it. Whatever made me feel less like my favorite team was cheated out of a win, or rather that other people agreed that they were.

 

Yes, I was being serious with that question. Thanks for telling me what it was like on the other end since I didn't know.

[Toffee.]

Agro, do you believe that you are alone?

[Agro]

What are you doing in college?  What kind of career are you thinking of pursuing after you graduate?

I am a communication arts and english major. The prior is a focus in Radio, TV, Film, and the latter is a focus in creative writing. I'm doing both because some of the courses overlap and I'd like to think the two together would look better on an application. For extracurriculars, I write for both one of the student newspapers, as well as a satirical student newspaper on campus. I don't hold leadership positions in either, but I'm hoping that in the next year, which will be my Senior, that I can perhaps get a job as editor when the graduating seniors this year leave and they need to fill up spaces. Obviously, being in a leadership position should also help in applying for a job, as it's the main area that I don't have much to put down.

As for careers, that's the question I'm most worried about. My job experience so far is ALL in the service industry. Currently, I have part time jobs at both a theatre and here on campus, where I work as a student custodian in one of the dorms on the weekend. My dream job, is most assuredly involving writing. There's a story in my mind that replays itself for me every day, slowly refining itself. I don't know if I will ever feel it's good enough to finally put to paper, because I can't be happy with it in particular until it's absolutely perfect in my mind. I'd like to write for television, film, and I'd especially like to be a designer for a video game, although I have no experience, obviously, don't know how to get into the industry, and I know zero programming.

I do hope for a day when I can run an animation studio, perhaps like the US version of the many anime studios in Japan. Being able to have a company that produces multiple different animations, and being able to contribute with my own would be the end goal. Actually, final end goal would be an animation studio and a game developer under one house. The two could work together and do separate things. I'd quite enjoy that. Of course, I don't feel I'm ready to try that. I often consider getting the people I know together to do so, but if I do so, I'd also want to have control over the story and animation, and considering I'm not all that good at drawing just feels like I'm the wrong person to lead. So that's something I'd like to improve on, to feel I have much much more to contribute than just story.

This kind of feels like rambling now, so I'll stop, but feel free to ask any follow-up questions if you need to.
 

Agro, do you believe that you are alone?

Sometimes. I feel alone, unwanted, unnecessary, unloved quite a lot. Usually, I'm actually alone when it happens, but sometimes it happens when I'm with others. Especially if I'm in a group of people having a conversation, it's often that I'll feel like the odd-man-out. The only one with nothing to discuss. Everyone around is much chummier with each other than they are with me. In a sense, feeling alone while actually alone makes the feeling easier to deal with. I have time to think, remind myself others have it worse. Most of whatever pain I have is self-inflicted, I have no right to complain about it, but every day I wish I would. Hope someone would ask me to tell them my fears, my self-loathing, get everything off my chest. But that never happens. No one comes around and asks me how I'm doing when I'm feeling down. I only ever get that question when I get over whatever it was and am feeling fine. They never come to me when I feel down.

And in that sense, I believe I am alone.

[Toffee.]

Sometimes. I feel alone, unwanted, unnecessary, unloved quite a lot. Usually, I'm actually alone when it happens, but sometimes it happens when I'm with others. Especially if I'm in a group of people having a conversation, it's often that I'll feel like the odd-man-out. The only one with nothing to discuss. Everyone around is much chummier with each other than they are with me. In a sense, feeling alone while actually alone makes the feeling easier to deal with. I have time to think, remind myself others have it worse. Most of whatever pain I have is self-inflicted, I have no right to complain about it, but every day I wish I would. Hope someone would ask me to tell them my fears, my self-loathing, get everything off my chest. But that never happens. No one comes around and asks me how I'm doing when I'm feeling down. I only ever get that question when I get over whatever it was and am feeling fine. They never come to me when I feel down.

And in that sense, I believe I am alone.

We should chat on Skype. Just sayin'

[Lunar Origins]

Agro - I'm withholding your name, because you don't like me using that here - I want you to know that as you've been there for me, so have I for you.  And, well, I'm still here, sitting like a duck.

 

God, I sound lame.  Tonight I've been more gushy-feely than I've ever cared for, but whatever.

 

You really mean something to me, you know that?  You were the very first person I ever confessed real feelings to.  Heck, you're the one person on YCM that I've trusted with a lot of information about myself that I would die to keep from other people, and so far, you've done nothing but give me respect and I can not thank you enough for that.  It makes me feel needed.

 

So, Agro - you're certainly not alone, if you feel it, and I would like to raise myself as a testament to that.  Call me, beep me, if you wanna reach me.

 

Rant aside.

 

Is there a particular reason you're interested in writing your own novel, or heading an animation studio?

[Agro]

We should chat on Skype. Just sayin'

I don't really like using skype, though.

 

It's kind of weird. I mentioned whatever pain I have is self-inflicted, well this is part of it. I'm not sure how much I like the idea of having a chat system open for anyone to talk to me with. That's why when I rarely use it, I always start off as invisible and change to online when I want to talk to someone. In general, I think I'm actually afraid of all of you. That's why I cut most if not all of my contacts with YCM when I tried to leave last May. I've done things on this site, said things to people here, confessed things, that I just don't like knowing are out there. I'm afraid every day that things I've done here will arise in my life years later and destroy it so convincingly that I won't want to continue.

 

I got called out for not having trust in one of the people who could probably do this, and they're right, I have trust issues. I doubt everything. I don't have any actual belief that people like me. I tend to assume in general that people are either mad at me, annoyed by me, or in general just look down their nose at me. Lunar can basically confirm that for you, I always ask if she's mad at me whenever we talk.

[Agro]

You really mean something to me, you know that?  You were the very first person I ever confessed real feelings to.  Heck, you're the one person on YCM that I've trusted with a lot of information about myself that I would die to keep from other people, and so far, you've done nothing but give me respect and I can not thank you enough for that.  It makes me feel needed.
 
So, Agro - you're certainly not alone, if you feel it, and I would like to raise myself as a testament to that.  Call me, beep me, if you wanna reach me.

Honestly, likewise I think you're the only person I've ever been virtually completely truthful with... on the other hand I don't think I've done a worse job of not making you angry with me about my emotions towards myself..

Is there a particular reason you're interested in writing your own novel, or heading an animation studio?

The more I study literature, the more I find the organization of prose fascinating. I'm not sure if I'll ever be good enough to be taught in class, but I sure hope one day I can write something that people will give half a damn about. I do really like attention, maybe that's a result of feeling like I don't actually have any, but I do, as long as it's the good kind. More than that, I get a great joy out of seeing others that are happy, even more so when I had a hand in making them happy. That's probably the end goal of an writing I do: see someone smile while reading, or viewing it.

All except for the story I mentioned earlier. I really like coming up with stories. Always have. But I'm a procrastinator with ADD and always manage to never keep writing. A similar thing happened with this story, but instead of going away, or being saved on the computer to be found years later and try writing it up again, this one stays in my mind 24/7. When I daydream, this is what I think about. NOTHING. ELSE. When I listen to music, I try to imagine making an AMV to the music. I truly believe story is everything I am. I've been developing it since I started high school, and it's changes have come alongside my own. It's my most selfish story. I've told you a bit about it, but I'd rather not get on about it too much. One of the villains is known as "Wraith" and is what I suppose everyone just knows now as my signature "Agro" avi.

I really like anime and animation, I guess I've always had a bit of a knack for drawing, and like doing so, but I haven't advanced my form to anything reasonably good except for that snow leopard cub I posted a year and a half ago. I tend to think in images, and I suppose due to my liking of anime, all those images inevitably end up in animation. At least the characters do. Everything else, and Wraith, come to my mind in their real-world physical forms. But the point is that I like animation, I tend to think my stories through in an animated sense, and so having an animation studio just sounds like a good way to get all of that out.

That being said, I'd love to write all sorts of things. Novels, TV shows, movies, short stories. Actually, I didn't exactly mention this, but the other line I'd like to go into is journalism. I don't have a degree in it, and won't unless I go to graduate school, but I'd like to write about games if I could. I'm not sure how good I'd be at it, but I do enjoy writing about games about as much as playing them.

[Elijah~]

You may not remember this ,but when I first started YCM almost 2 years ago, whenever I would be annoying, I remember you were the one that was the meanest. Even today you were kind of being a bully and it hurt my feelings on the inside. I wasn't sure if you were being serious with it or just playing a joke. My main question is, do you have some kind if grudge against me? If you don't, or we considered aquaintances?

[Agro]

You may not remember this ,but when I first started YCM almost 2 years ago, whenever I would be annoying, I remember you were the one that was the meanest. Even today you were kind of being a bully and it hurt my feelings on the inside. I wasn't sure if you were being serious with it or just playing a joke. My main question is, do you have some kind if grudge against me? If you don't, or we considered aquaintances?

I'm generally short on patience, and have tended to be prejudiced against newbies. I can't say I know specifically which time you are referring to, as it's happened a lot in my time on this site, but I apologize for being rude. I do generally make sarcastic comments a lot, so there is a chance I wasn't being serious, but it clearly made you feel down, and I know that feeling well enough, so I apologize. I don't know you well enough to judge you, even if I do it anyway, and will try to do better at it in the future. At some point, I'll get a general sense of how you are... though there's also the chance you end up like Neph, who is forever known to me as the incompetent newbie named "Stumble" no matter how long he's been here and how often he shows otherwise.

[Toffee.]

I don't really like using skype, though.
 
It's kind of weird. I mentioned whatever pain I have is self-inflicted, well this is part of it. I'm not sure how much I like the idea of having a chat system open for anyone to talk to me with. That's why when I rarely use it, I always start off as invisible and change to online when I want to talk to someone. In general, I think I'm actually afraid of all of you. That's why I cut most if not all of my contacts with YCM when I tried to leave last May. I've done things on this site, said things to people here, confessed things, that I just don't like knowing are out there. I'm afraid every day that things I've done here will arise in my life years later and destroy it so convincingly that I won't want to continue.
 
I got called out for not having trust in one of the people who could probably do this, and they're right, I have trust issues. I doubt everything. I don't have any actual belief that people like me. I tend to assume in general that people are either mad at me, annoyed by me, or in general just look down their nose at me. Lunar can basically confirm that for you, I always ask if she's mad at me whenever we talk.

Agro, if you ever become president, I highly doubt they will go looking on a forum about Yugioh for dirt on you.
As for the rest, you could try starting over and see what happens. I mean, for the trust part, since you could hopefully figure out who you can really trust with what.
....Also with Skype, you could just only reply to the people who send you messages.

[Agro]

Agro, if you ever become president, I highly doubt they will go looking on a forum about Yugioh for dirt on you.

You'd be surprised. I consider what would happen if I get even remotely famous and talk about my opinion on things like trans rights and my relationship with Lunar, chances are YCM will come up one time or another.
 

As for the rest, you could try starting over and see what happens. I mean, for the trust part, since you could hopefully figure out who you can really trust with what.

Prior is too time consuming. Latter, I really should know by now, and I'm not sure if I really want to delve further.
 

....Also with Skype, you could just only reply to the people who send you messages.

Honestly, getting messaged every time I turned it on made me go on it less. I don't know why I don't like that happening, but at a certain point it becomes a drag and I just get annoyed by it. Especially when I have nothing to talk about. It becomes more of a burden and a distraction than anything else. That's my other problem with it.

[Tourmaline]

Do you think this Hina is dumb?

[Agro]

Do you think this Hina is dumb?

I think you can be dumb. I know you have a much different mindset than I do, so you think and act much differently than I would. Many times this means I don't understand you at all and can't say one way or the other what I think of you or what you say and do. I think you're smart and you know a lot on a lot of subjects, and I think, even if you don't consciously think it, that you agree and act accordingly, but I think you're held back a lot by not having the life experience to make sense of your knowledge.

I've also thought at times that you might be a sociopath.

[Desu the Blue Nerd]

Will you buy me Doritos Locos? Without me having to give you head that is.

 

Would you ever be interested in doing some sort of project together except not get bored after a few days? Maybe give me a few creative writing tips? I took up a creative writing class this summer and have been enjoying it a good amount so I'm interested in exploring this route a bit more too.

[Tourmaline]

You not only thought I was a sociopath but have also questioned the possibility of significant levels of autism significant in me.

I don't really understand how we have different mindsets. I mean, I don't really have any remarkable qualities that would coordinate with a mindset in particular, or even any standalone remarkable qualities, at that.

[Agro]

Will you buy me Doritos Locos? Without me having to give you head that is.

Okay, but we need to get large mountain dew with it. Also, we should both go to Kitsune Kon at some point. js
 

Would you ever be interested in doing some sort of project together except not get bored after a few days? Maybe give me a few creative writing tips? I took up a creative writing class this summer and have been enjoying it a good amount so I'm interested in exploring this route a bit more too.

Yeah, of course. Look, when it comes to getting something done, I tend to get things done and on time if my failure causes problems for someone else. So you can use that to keep s*** going if we do something. Just let me know what you want to do.

Writing tips... well, tbh, there are 2 really important ones. 1. Read a lot. 2. Write a lot.
- Reading is a big one that lots of people skip over. Reading lets you learn style and substance, helps mold ideas. When you're taking an English class, actually take the time to look at a text and see how it's structured, what words are used. why they are used. In my time studying literature, I've seen writers do some absolutely INSANE things with simple words alone. Pronouns are always quite a fun one.
- Writing is how you develop, and is something I fail to do constantly. Write about anything. Write whenever. Come up with a story and write a page of it at any point in the narrative. Do it like once a week, or so. Don't even care what you're going to write, just do it. The more you write, the better you'll get at it.

You not only thought I was a sociopath but have also questioned the possibility of significant levels of autism significant in me.

I don't really understand how we have different mindsets. I mean, I don't really have any remarkable qualities that would coordinate with a mindset in particular, or even any standalone remarkable qualities, at that.

The sociopathy stems from you arguing that there's no reason to hold the door for someone just to be nice. A conversation we had a long time ago. Both thoughts can clearly be wrong because I don't feel I know you well and am not a psychologist.

A mindset is shaped by experience and biology. Assuming we've lived different lives and don't share the exact same DNA, how could we possibly think in the same way?

[Tourmaline]

I don't think there's a reason to do that just to be nice, even now. I didn't think that was sociopathy as much as apathy/lethargy.

And I meant to say that I don't really have a mindset, I think. It is more of a lack of a mind than anything. Just a dead slate, if anythinh. Oh, ergo my username, too.

[Toffee.]

Honestly, getting messaged every time I turned it on made me go on it less. I don't know why I don't like that happening, but at a certain point it becomes a drag and I just get annoyed by it. Especially when I have nothing to talk about. It becomes more of a burden and a distraction than anything else. That's my other problem with it.

What if you made another account?

[Agro]

What if you made another account?

Having 2 accounts wouldn't really solve the problem. Currently, I go on when I feel like talking to people and I go off when I don't.

Getting a second account would just mean I add people on the second one and close out of it too because I just don't want to talk to them.

[Maeriberii Haan]

I remember you being only here near a banlist season for a while. What made you stay now?

[Agro]

I remember you being only here near a banlist season for a while. What made you stay now?

Pretty much just Pokémon X&Y. I needed friend safaris. Then I ended up habitually just coming here on accident.