Yu-Gi-Oh! SCG [Chapter 4]

[asterr259]

Yu-Gi-Oh! [Spirit Caller Genesis]

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[spoiler=Synopsis]"Duel Academy Freshman Student, Kaito Uriamuzu has the ability to see duel monster spirits and protects them, however evil spirits start entering the human world! Now Kaito must find a way to travel to the World of Duel Monster Spirits and defeat the "Chess Master" but, will he himself get in is own way...?"[/spoiler]

Note that this is a "Duel Academy" fanfiction. I understand that those are a bit overdone, but I prefer it this way. All the characters are original with some references or allusions to other characters. Most, if not all, of the monsters in this story will be customs, but most of the spells and traps will be familiar, being either TCG/OCG or Anime-Only with just some customs.

My writing isn't great, and I guess my story telling might not be so good either. In truth, I've rewritten this story multiple times, but I think I found a comfortable writing style and a "variation" of the story I like.

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[spoiler=Chapter 1: The Arrival Part 1]It was already a week since Kaito Uriamuzu took his entrance exam in order to attend Northwest Academy. Northwest was a top prestigious school that accepted students regardless of background. What they really cared about was talent, which you have or you don't. Kaito was from a small island known as Angelcrest, owned by a large and notorious goods manufacturing company. Smothered by pollution from the factories, many of the people were sick and often died of disease. Kaito's one true goal, is to become a professional duelist and raise money to do something for his homeland. However, good intentions will not get you into Northwest. Transportation to Northwest is free, as many talent agents go all over the world in search of talented students, but in order to be accepted, you must pass the "Trial Exam". The Trial Exam gives 1 week for potential students to gather cards by any means necessary from school grounds to make a deck in which then, they will take their entrance exam and duel for their admission.

Though you can try every year, no amount of money or connections can get you in. It only took Kaito one try, for he knew the stakes were too high. Having lost his mother to illness and his father to the sea, Kaito was raised in an orphanage at a young age. He promised to one day come home with the means of fulfilling the hopes of a better future for everyone. Seniority meant nothing in Northwest, a 1st year student could easily climb the ranks and become a Pro-duelist before a 3rd year. Again, the key word is Talent.

Day 5 being a student and Kaito found himself up earlier than usual and decided to leave his dorm early, taking a morning walk around campus. He was a very tall and dark-skinned individual. As per dress code, he wore a red jacket symbolizing his rank. His hair was long and black, but had natural teal-like highlights going down the lower half. Like Angelcrest, Northwest was also located on an island though more mountainous and colder. And to make matters worst, it was the winter season, but this didn't bother Kaito. He loved the winter and enjoyed its subtle, frigid winds embrace his face. It was such an enormous difference from Angelcrest where the skies were always dark and the snow was more like ash. Even with such a background, everyone knew Kaito for his carefree attitude and his unusual ability.

From the deck box on his hip, sounds could be heard. As he opened it, a small, blue, furry creature with a ghostly tail wearing a green hat emerged. This was Soul Kuriboh, a duel monster spirit. Though no one believes him, he is one of the few people in the world who has the ability to properly communicate and understand duel spirits. "Haha, I see you also wanted some fresh air huh?" Kaito responded. Soul Kuriboh happily circled around Kaito in excitement as they continued their walk. He still had another 2 hours before class started so he decided to get to know where everything was. From his dorm, to the art department, to the duel stadiums, he became much more knowledgeable of where everything was. Suddenly he found himself in Yellow territory, and was greeted by another student.

"Well well, what's a Red Jacket doing way out here...?" He said. A student's rank depended on what color jacket they wore: Red, Yellow, Blue, and White, in order from lowest to highest. Your placement depended on how well you maintained your life points during the entrance exam. Red being you pass with 1000 or less, and white being you passed with 4000 or over.

"I'm just going out for a walk I guess?" Though Kaito has a lost expression on his face, Soul Kuriboh angrily huffing and puffing all over the place. It sensed ill-intent from the person who stood before him. Noticing this, Kaito thought it would be best to simply leave. "But if it bothers you that much, I can just go..." When he turned around, he found himself surrounded by a couple of other Yellow Jacket students.

"Sorry Red but I can't just let you leave. I guess you didn't know that Reds aren't welcomed in Yellow territory? I'll be glad to teach you a few rules." The spiky black-haired individual pulled out a duel disk. It seemed the only way to leave was defeat him if not everyone else as well.

"Ha! If it's a duel you want, you got it! Mind if I get your name?" Kaito anxiously pulled his duel disk from his school bag and placed his deck inside.

"Tamashi! And when I'm done with you, make sure you tell all your Red friends that I'm here to whip you drop-outs into shape!" He replied releasing an arrogant laugh. Commencing the duel as their duel disks unfolded out, they drew their opening hands.
 

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"Ladies first!" Kaito said with a smile.  With his cards in hand, he felt as victory was within his grasp.

Tamashi's arrogant demeanor vanished, as he became slightly more serious. "Very funny!" All he could think about was defeating Kaito and 'putting him in his place'. "I'll start by summoning Goblin Fire!" A small green goblin with a small pony-tail of flames emerged to the field wielding a wooden club (ATK 100). "Then I'll end my turn!"

"Yep, he's underestimating me." Kaito thought to himself as he drew his card. "I'll rise to the top one day, and when I do, that is the moment I'll become king!" He exclaimed. Chances of getting into the Pro-Circuit were pretty slim even for the White Jackets. And to claim to become the King, the greatest Duelist in the world, was something no one took very lightly.

"Here we go! I'll start by activating Dark Bargain! This lets me draw a card, but forces me to send 1 monster from hand to the graveyard! And the card I'm sending is Pleading Fusionist!" After drawing, a dark and ghastly hand appeared from his deck and sent the card to his graveyard. Kaito smiled for the card he drew was none other than Soul Kuriboh. "Oh it's you! Well I'm not done yet! When Pleading Fusionist is sent to the Graveyard, she let's me add one 'Fusion' card from my deck to my hand! I choose Voltage Fusion." As Voltage Fusion is added to his hand, Kuriboh jumped for joy. "Hehe, Okay fine."

Tamashi and his goons were shocked at how well he was doing. "He's not bad, but no matter what, he won't get past my awesome combo. I'll survive this round, and then make my comeback!" Though slightly frightened, these were Tamashi's thoughts.

"I'll continue by summoning Soul Kuriboh!" Spiraling forth, Kuriboh emerged with glee ready to fight (ATK 300). "Then I'll activate his effect! If there's a Light type monster in my graveyard, I can inflict 800 points of damage to you!" A crying blue-hair child wearing a red robe and scarf appeared beside Kuriboh, this was the image of Pleading Fusionist. The ghostly image then took the form of a ball of energy which Kuriboh hurled towards Tamashi, reducing his life points by 800 points (Tamashi: 3200 LP).

Tamashi flinched as he was slightly pushed back. Though no real damage could be felt from the holograms, the following side effects were always surprisingly realistic and did carry quite a punch. "Is that all? Looks like I'll still make it out with at least 2500 life points..."

"Wrong! This is the final turn!" Kaito replied. Everyone was in shock, but Kaito wanted to make it perfectly clear that the words he spoke of earlier held their weight. To become the King and help Angelcrest, this was his one and only dream. "I activate Voltage Fusion! This allows me fuse two monsters on the field or in my hand! I'm fusing Soul Kuriboh on my field and Antlers from my hand."  A large insect with a deer like body and ant-like anatomy appeared on the field as both it and Kuriboh merged together. "Fusion Summon! Kuribeetle!" A brown, larger fluffy creature with 6 insect-like wings with a horn and mandibles appeared on the field (ATK 2200). "Kuribeetle attacks Goblin Fire! Scissor Crush!" Using its mandibles with great force, Kuribeetle crushed and destroyed Goblin Fire reducing Tamashi's life points even further (Tamashi: 1100 LP).

"S-So what! I'm still here!" Tamashi gritted his teeth. He was already down to a fourth of his life points having not inflicted a single point of damage, this was an embarrassment.

"No way! Hey man, I thought you said this Tamashi guy was good!?" Tamashi's friends could be heard murmuring in the background. This was not only embarrassing, but a serious problem. If a underclassmen is defeated by an upperclassmen, then there's no problem. However if an upperclassmen is defeated by underclassmen having at least 2 or 3 witnesses to vouch, then the loser is demoted and the winner is promoted.

"H-Hey! Come on, there's nothing else you can do! Just end your turn already!" Tamashi yelled.

"Did you not hear me the first time? I said this was the final turn, I activate Kuribeetle's effect! By banishing Kuribeetle, I can special summon its fusion materials in my graveyard!" Kuribeetle vanished from the field, and Soul Kuriboh and Antlers (ATK 1700) returned in it's place. "I think you can see where this is going right?"

Tamashi fell to his knees "N-No, wait, can't we work some-"

"Antlers, Direct attack!" Kaito interjected. "This is the power of a King!" Rushing towards him, the insect rammed and trampled over Tamashi and wiped out the remainder of his life points (Tamashi: 0 LP).
 

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"Woah he actually lost?! Let's get out of here, what a loser..." Though they stung, these were the words of his so-called friends, but it was quite obvious to everyone there was actually no such relationship. "Don't worry about us telling anyone Tamashi, though you definitely deserve to be demoted, you'd ruin the Yellow's reputation..." one replied. They both angrily left him behind.

"Never underestimate your opponent! Right Soul Kuriboh?" Kaito smiled as Kuriboh nodded in agreement. Triumphant, Kaito proceeded to walk away as well. Suddenly, Kuriboh flinched and cried out in pain. "Huh? Kuriboh what's wrong!?" The spirit abruptly returned to its card.

While he continued to try and communicate with Kuriboh, Tamashi rose from the ground in a silent rage. "Me? Defeated by that weirdo? No, I don't think so! No matter what, I'll defeat that high and mighty bastard Toshiro!"

Hearing and recognizing the name 'Toshiro', Kaito turned around only to be attacked by Tamashi with a nearby tree branch. Successfully knocking him out, Tamashi proceeded to take Kaito's deck. "With this, there's no way Toshiro will be able to ignore me now...!" Breathing heavily, it was almost as if Tamashi had lost all reason. It appeared losing the duel had an effect on him mentally. He laughed maniacally, running towards the school building.

Soon after, a robed man in what looked like a detective's attire came across Kaito's body. Ignoring him completely, he looked around as if he was searching for something else. "S***... I could of sworn it was here...! I was sure I felt the presence of a spirit..." from his pocket, he pulled out an ominous Xyz monster, shrouded in a fiery, purple aura. "Soon my friend, it'll be feeding time..."

[/spoiler]

[spoiler= Debut Cards in this Chapter]

Tamashi:

Goblin Fire

Level 3 Fiend-Type FIRE [100/1200]

During the End Phase of a turn when this face-up card attacked or was attacked and was destroyed by battle, Special Summon this card from the Graveyard in face-up Defense Position. You cannot change this battle position until the end of your next turn.

 

Kaito:

Antlers
Level 4 Insect-Type EARTH [1700/1200]
A monster that attacks this card loses 300 ATK during the Damage Step. Once per turn, during the Battle Phase, when your opponent activates a card or effect, you can select 1 Level 4 or lower Insect-Type monster in your Graveyard. Special Summon that monster from the Graveyard.

Soul Kuriboh
Level 1 Fiend-Type LIGHT [300/200]
Once per turn, while there is a LIGHT monster in your Graveyard, you can inflict 800 damage to your opponent. When this card is destroyed by battle and sent to the Graveyard, you can have 1 face-up monster your opponent controls lose 300 ATK and any Battle Damage the controller of this card takes this turn becomes 0.

Pleading Fusionist
Level 2 Spellcaster-Type LIGHT [600/700]
When this card is sent from your hand or Deck to the Graveyard, you can add 1 Spell Card from your Deck to your hand with "Polymerization" or "Fusion" in the card name, except "Diffusion Wave-Motion".

Kuribeetle
Level 5 Fiend-Type/Fusion LIGHT [2200/200]
1 "Kuriboh" monster + Insect-Type monster
This card can also be treated as a Insect-Type monster. Once per turn: You can remove from play this card to Special Summon this card's Fusion Material Monsters from your graveyard. Their effects are negated.

 

Dark Bargain
Normal Spell
Draw 1 card, then discard 1 monster. If you don't have any in your hand: Send all cards in your hand to the Graveyard then, your opponent draws 1 card.

Voltage Fusion
Quick-play Spell
Send Fusion Material Monsters that are listed on a Fusion Monster Card from your hand or your side of the field to the Graveyard, and Special Summon that Fusion Monster from your Extra Deck. (This Special Summon is treated as a Fusion Summon). During your 2nd turn after this card's activation, add this card from the Graveyard to your hand and banish that monster.
[/spoiler]

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Chapters:

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Chapter 1: The Arrival Part 1

Chapter 2: The Arrival Part 2

Chapter 3: The Arrival Part 3

Chapter 4: Darkness Falls

[Bahamut - Envoy of the End]

Well, I said I'd review it, I've committed myself. Haven't got long before I have to rush out to go into huge detail, so will highlight any standout points good and bad as they come to mind.

 

-Admittedly my face hit the desk as soon as the words 'duel academy fic' appeared, but I will put that aside and not to judge it in with that in mind.

 

-The starting few paragraphs seem to whizz over the situation very quickly. Which is understandable if you're new to writing and is not really a critisism (my chapters admittedly, are way too long in places =/). It just could have used a little expansion perhaps. Also don't really get the guy's home situation. If the island is really controlled by a mafia like company, why are they letting him out to go to this academy become a hotshot and expose what's going on there? Unless he has got company bigwigs on his tale, it's something you might wish to explore. It's just a thought I had in contrast to the (rather cliche) background.

 

+Dunno how I'll be viewed for pointing this out, but black protagonist. Doesn't happen enough from what I've seen here, I'm as guilty as anyone, and I just feel it should be mentioned as a plus point as something good to see that is different in a good way. As for the character himself, well again there are cliches (such as a Kuriboh spirit) but seems okay at first glance.

 

-Red and Yellow jackets... seriously?

 

+Your decision to use a mix of custom cards with new monsters with some new spell and traps and often familiar ones I think is alright, and certainly easier than entirely custom cards when regular staples do nicely. As for how well judged the cards you've created for it are, not enough is seen here to make a judgement.

 

-The duel itself was, although correct to go one chapter, was, well, the big antagonist guy set a monster with 100 ATK and no effect on the field, and got panged for it very quickly. As I myself have had pointed out to me as well recently, a character being arrogant is one thing, and there's them being borderline stupid and obnoxious. Even if the intention was for him to be bad and just putting on a tough act, it doesn't really work with the whole ranking thing and everything you set up previously. What the hell were the other five cards in his hand to leave it at that?!

 

-Kaito came across in the duel as, well some might think high-spirited and driven, but the tendrils of Mary-Sueness are starting to take root. His attitude could be toned down slightly, although exuberance is fine, but again he seemed a bit puffed up about his ability given, how bad Tamashi actually was.

 

+Chapter ended actually on quite a decent cliffhanger, what with Kaito being unconcsious, been mugged, ominous name drop, mysterious man on the scene, and so on. Could have been better of course, Tamashi's over-reaction with the 'laughing maniacally' and stuff was kind of over the top for the scenario, and the guy didn't need to swear or reveal it was an xyz monster (simply hmmm... and 'a dark looking card' would have covered it). But it was a more interesting end to chapter 1 than 4 out of 5 fics on here.

 

I do have to go now, will perhaps edit/add more detail to this when I get back unless you've responded already, but I think that covers the most of it. Best of luck with your continuation in writing and I hope you enjoy it, and don't take what I've said to heart too much. Just try to take it to head instead. Welcome to YCM's Creative Writing section.

[Premier Alexander Romanov]

Very interesting idea, going back to the old Duel Academy premise and breathing some new life into it.

A good idea might be to have a Cardex at the end of each chapter describing the cards revealed. It helps people to understand what is going on.

[asterr259]

Well, I said I'd review it, I've committed myself. Haven't got long before I have to rush out to go into huge detail, so will highlight any standout points good and bad as they come to mind.

 

-Admittedly my face hit the desk as soon as the words 'duel academy fic' appeared, but I will put that aside and not to judge it in with that in mind.

 

-The starting few paragraphs seem to whizz over the situation very quickly. Which is understandable if you're new to writing and is not really a critisism (my chapters admittedly, are way too long in places =/). It just could have used a little expansion perhaps. Also don't really get the guy's home situation. If the island is really controlled by a mafia like company, why are they letting him out to go to this academy become a hotshot and expose what's going on there? Unless he has got company bigwigs on his tale, it's something you might wish to explore. It's just a thought I had in contrast to the (rather cliche) background.

 

+Dunno how I'll be viewed for pointing this out, but black protagonist. Doesn't happen enough from what I've seen here, I'm as guilty as anyone, and I just feel it should be mentioned as a plus point as something good to see that is different in a good way. As for the character himself, well again there are cliches (such as a Kuriboh spirit) but seems okay at first glance.

 

-Red and Yellow jackets... seriously?

 

+Your decision to use a mix of custom cards with new monsters with some new spell and traps and often familiar ones I think is alright, and certainly easier than entirely custom cards when regular staples do nicely. As for how well judged the cards you've created for it are, not enough is seen here to make a judgement.

 

-The duel itself was, although correct to go one chapter, was, well, the big antagonist guy set a monster with 100 ATK and no effect on the field, and got panged for it very quickly. As I myself have had pointed out to me as well recently, a character being arrogant is one thing, and there's them being borderline stupid and obnoxious. Even if the intention was for him to be bad and just putting on a tough act, it doesn't really work with the whole ranking thing and everything you set up previously. What the hell were the other five cards in his hand to leave it at that?!

 

-Kaito came across in the duel as, well some might think high-spirited and driven, but the tendrils of Mary-Sueness are starting to take root. His attitude could be toned down slightly, although exuberance is fine, but again he seemed a bit puffed up about his ability given, how bad Tamashi actually was.

 

+Chapter ended actually on quite a decent cliffhanger, what with Kaito being unconcsious, been mugged, ominous name drop, mysterious man on the scene, and so on. Could have been better of course, Tamashi's over-reaction with the 'laughing maniacally' and stuff was kind of over the top for the scenario, and the guy didn't need to swear or reveal it was an xyz monster (simply hmmm... and 'a dark looking card' would have covered it). But it was a more interesting end to chapter 1 than 4 out of 5 fics on here.

 

I do have to go now, will perhaps edit/add more detail to this when I get back unless you've responded already, but I think that covers the most of it. Best of luck with your continuation in writing and I hope you enjoy it, and don't take what I've said to heart too much. Just try to take it to head instead. Welcome to YCM's Creative Writing section.

I take it to mind and heart, I do want want to become a better writer. However being an artist, I've learned to accept criticism as long it's something I can build on, or like you've done, have positive and negative points.

 

Hmmm, I purposely skipped over Angelcrest in detail. I'll reveal more later in time. As I said before, I've written this story many different times, mostly with the first chapter being on Angelcrest. So I'm doing something new, and yes, the jackets and rankings are similar to GX. This wasn't so much a reference to GX, but to my own school. At my old school, Students wore different colored shirts depending what you were. So we weren't called "Freshman", but Red Shirts, Yellow Shirts(Sophomores), ect.

 

And yeah Kaito doesn't get too hyped like that, which you'll see in later chapters. Everything thing else was much intentional, meant to be explained later. But thanks for the review, hope you'll continue to read.

 

Very interesting idea, going back to the old Duel Academy premise and breathing some new life into it.

A good idea might be to have a Cardex at the end of each chapter describing the cards revealed. It helps people to understand what is going on.

A Cardex would be fine, I'll see about adding one. Thanks :)

[Bahamut - Envoy of the End]

I take it to mind and heart, I do want want to become a better writer. However being an artist, I've learned to accept criticism as long it's something I can build on, or like you've done, have positive and negative points.

 

Hmmm, I purposely skipped over Angelcrest in detail. I'll reveal more later in time. As I said before, I've written this story many different times, mostly with the first chapter being on Angelcrest. So I'm doing something new, and yes, the jackets and rankings are similar to GX. This wasn't so much a reference to GX, but to my own school. At my old school, Students wore different colored shirts depending what you were. So we weren't called "Freshman", but Red Shirts, Yellow Shirts(Sophomores), ect.

 

And yeah Kaito doesn't get too hyped like that, which you'll see in later chapters. Everything thing else was much intentional, meant to be explained later. But thanks for the review, hope you'll continue to read.

 

A Cardex would be fine, I'll see about adding one. Thanks :)

 

Good to hear. Ah yes, another plus I forgot to mention was you starting the story where you did. Most people would have started on the 1st day of scool/trial exam, but I think on reflection I'm glad you skipped that and got into the heart of the matter.

 

Seconds the idea about a Cardex compilation.

 

[asterr259]

Good to hear. Ah yes, another plus I forgot to mention was you starting the story where you did. Most people would have started on the 1st day of scool/trial exam, but I think on reflection I'm glad you skipped that and got into the heart of the matter.

 

Seconds the idea about a Cardex compilation.

Yea right now I'm doing an introduction-like period, introducing main/side characters, before I really dive into the plot. I thought that starting from Day 1 would prolong it, so I decided to break everything up into dreams or flashback attempts.

 

I added one for the First chapter. Something like that right?

Also, for future reference, should I include non-custom cards in it as well?

[asterr259]

Still trying to get better at writing fanfics, but here's Chapter 2, hope you enjoy. I'm sure I'll get better, and the Chapters too, as I progress.

 

Also created a Banner. Not the best GFX artist or whatever, but I made it in about 3 hours using GIMP

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[spoiler= Chapter 2: The Arrival Part 2]Kaito's deck was composed of several cards he received from his father, before he became declared as 'lost at sea' while searching for new land, and his foster mother, Romania. Because Angelcrest became so polluted, years ago many men, including his father, were sent out in search of new land. Angelcrest was quite distant from other cities, and therefore received very little help from outside forces. Whenever they did, it was much less than what they expected, making them a self-reliant people. Their ship was small and cramped, and the seas seemed to never stop raging. In truth, chances of survival were almost non-existent, but they still pushed against the odds. With his dad was a trained pigeon named Ftera, which would weekly send Kaito letters notifying him that he was okay along with several cards.

But eventually, the weeks turned into months, and the months into years. The letters stopped coming, and the very last card he received from his father was none other than Soul Kuriboh. It was then he was taken into a local church which doubled as an orphanage, and raised by the director and pastor, Mother Romania. As he became older, though still very young, he started to live on his own and provide for himself. Whatever food he could grow or buy, he shared with the orphans. These were tough times, but also good times.

Kaito had awoken in a bed within the school infirmary with ice and bandages around his head. It was often he had dreams of Angelcrest after leaving, but none so calm and nostalgic. He was then greeted by one of the nurses. "I see you're awake?"

"Ah yes, what happened?" He didn't seem to remember much after winning his duel with Tamashi.

"Luckily, one of the new members for campus security found you and brought you here." She replied, and soon after the same detective from the Yellow Dorms walked in. His eyes were narrow and his hair was shaggy and brown, almost covering them. Playing with his hat before putting it on, he approached Kaito.

"Morning! My name is Toki Teruchi!" He greeted Kaito with a warm smile and pulled up a seat next to his bed. "I'm one of the hot, new, young detectives around here. You can call me Toki, Mr. Teruchi, Double T, whatever makes you feel comfortable!" He laughed a little, trying to lighten the mood with small jokes. "You can trust me, so I want you try to tell me everything that happened."

After explaining what happened bit by bit, soon Kaito fully remembered the situation. "My deck!" He yelled. He immediately jumped out of bed and frantically began searching through his belongings for it. "He stole it!"

It then donned on Teruchi that maybe Kaito had what he was searching for. "Okay okay, let's just calm do-"

Before he could finish, Kaito had already gone out the door with his belongings. His deck was more than just cards, but the very hearts of everyone from Angelcrest. Running past many students, he looked everywhere he could think of for Tamashi.

On the other side of the school, walking down the hallway was a short boy with wild orange hair and a purple scarf that covered most of his face. This was a Blue Jacket student, but one with something that made him stand out above the rest. Exiting a nearby classroom was a much taller boy with similar but green hair.

"Big Bro! There you are!" said the taller boy. "I've been looking all over for you! These wacky schedules never change and what's even worst is that it seems like we don't have any classes together!"

"Oh, Haruki... Still loud as usual..." the smaller boy unfriendly replied.

"Toshiro, you know, you can at least lighten up around me! We're brothers!" he playfully cried out.

"I am. I hardly talk to or even acknowledge anyone outside of faculty and staff... Count yourself lucky brother, for the only students I acknowledge are those worthy to attend this school..." His tone never seemed to change no matter what he said, it felt cold, distant, and withdrawn.

Even his own flesh and blood found it hard to determine his mood. "Um, yea... Thanks?" Haruki weakly replied. He couldn't tell if it was a joke or if he was being serious.

Suddenly from around the corner, Tamashi appeared. "I finally found you Toshiro Gairo..." With Kaito's deck in hand, he was prepared to face him. His eyes were full of determination, and though their standings as students were different, he was completely confident he could face him and win.
 
Though Haruki stopped in his path, Toshiro continued to walk past him. For Tamashi, it was as if time itself had stopped in that moment. "Haruki... Let's go. We only have about a 20 minute intervention, and I'd like to go over some strategies with you..." To Toshiro, it was like Tamashi was invisible.

"Oh, uh, yes of course..." Haruki picked up on that this person wasn't worth Toshiro's time, but it was also clear to him that the inability to read moods ran in the family. Silently he followed his brother, but couldn't help, but feeling he knew Tamashi from somewhere.

After a moment of silence, Tamashi couldn't bare it any longer. "Stop joking around with me!!!" He screamed. Both Toshiro and Haruki stopped in response.

Toshiro glared at Tamashi. "Silence you fool... Don't you know classes are still going? You dare disrupt them over a rematch not even worth my time...?"

At that moment Haruki remembered his face. "Oh, you're Tamashi Yamano! You use to be blue until-"

Toshiro interjected. "Until it was blatantly obvious that you didn't deserve to be in the Blue Dorm- No, that you didn't deserve to be in this Academy..." Tamashi gripped his hands as they began to shake in rage. "Your grades were awful and you lost many games. It was only a matter of time before you, a barking dog who believes luck and good cards win duels, lost to some no-name Yellow..."

"Big Bro... That Yellow was me..." Haruki whined.

"Ah, was it? Good job, though I wish you fought a more worthier opponent..."

Haruki then rolled up a paper-back book from his school bag and hit his brother on the head. "You said that the day I won!!"

Toshiro rubbed his head "I already apologized, but smiting me won't make me remember insignificant duels..." As they continued their brotherly quarrel, Tamashi's hatred for the both of them began to swell up until his malice could be felt a mile away. Noticing this, Toshiro sighed. "Look, in the past you were barely defeated by my brother, and tried to reclaim your spot by defeating me. Shouldn't you take it out on him...?" He casually said pointing to Haruki.

"Grrrr..." Haruki began biting his book, upset that his own brother was practically selling him out. However, he realized he had a point. Why seek out his older brother, when it was him who got Tamashi demoted to yellow.

"Heh, I'll get revenge on your little brother soon enough. I realized something today, the only reason you beat me was because I didn't have the right cards! Toshiro, you've always annoyed me the most out of everyone else at this dump! Now fight me!" Tamashi then pulled out Kaito's deck.

Toshiro sighed once again and began to turn and walk away. However before he did, he had to double-take at the front card Tamashi held, Soul Kuriboh. "That card... Where did you get that...?"

"Heh, now you're interested? Tell you what, if you duel and beat me using this deck, I'll give it you. However if you lose, not only do you forfeit your rank but your deck as well!"

Haruki pushed his brother back a little. "Hey now wait a minute! Ante Duels are illegal!" Ante Duels were illegal on campus. The idea of wagering cards in duels was deemed immoral by the University President.

Toshiro tapped him on his arm. "Stay out of this one Haruki..." He said stepping forward. "Fine Tamashi. In truth, I'm interested in your new deck... Come, we'll head to one of the arenas. They're free to use for Blues and Whites..." As he lead the way, Tamashi followed.

He wasn't lying, due to their good grades and standings, Blues and Whites were allowed special rights to many things that Reds and Yellows weren't. This of course included use of the duel arenas and stadiums. However, Haruki and all the other Blues and Whites knew that the only exception was doing so unsupervised during school hours, 8 a.m. to 4 p.m. Breaking these rules could mean suspension or worst, expulsion. But even so, Haruki proceeded to follow them, knowing that he'd be unable to change the mind of his brother once he's decided to battle.

Back on the other side of the school, Kaito was still relentlessly searching for Tamashi. Just when it seemed the hope of getting back his deck safely was all but gone, he suddenly felt the presence of Soul Kuriboh in full, and immediately ran towards that direction. The stronger your connection with spirit monsters, the more easy it is to feel them, much more easier when they're being used in a duel. Kaito thought that must've been it.

The School building was one of, if not, the largest building on the island. Northwest takes in talented students starting from the youngest age of 8. This meant that education is divided not only among the color of your jacket, but other factors like age group as well making searching a student outside of your rank and age group more difficult. Near Blue Dorm Classrooms, Kaito could thoroughly hear Soul Kuriboh, however by the time he made it there the duel was already decided. Toshiro stood victorious with Kaito's deck in hand, flipping through the cards. The room was like a sports stadium, surrounded by bleachers containing hundreds of seats. Having no time to gawk, Kaito started to make his way down.

Tamashi lied on the ground crying in frustration. "I don't understand... there's no way someone can be this lucky... I had the right cards..." he mumbled to himself.

"Still think this is a game of chance and luck...? Well that's fine, you just keep thinking that. However, the most important question is where did you get this deck?" Toshiro glared at Tamashi, passing the deck to Haruki.

"Huh!? Big bro, this can't be-" Flipping through them himself, he recognized most of the cards already.

"It is, without a doubt that deck belongs to 'him'... So I'll ask again, where did you get it...?" Toshiro already knew the answer of whom, it was just a matter of how.

Suddenly coming down the steps without breath, Kaito was in shock of what he was looking at. "Toshiro and Haruki? So it's true, you guys are here..."

"Kaito! So you did make it to Northwest! What happened to your head and this is your deck right, why does this loser have it?" Haruki held out his deck to him when Toshiro stopped his arm. Kaito, Toshiro, and Haruki were all childhood friends, or more accurate to say, foster brothers. Haruki and Toshiro also lost their parents to illness, and were raised with Kaito and many other children until their skills got them taken to Northwest.

"No, this is my Deck now..." The eyes of Toshiro and Kaito met. A stagnant atmosphere came over all 4 students, no one seemed to want to move. The Toshiro that Kaito remembered was kind and bright, someone who you always wanted to be around especially given the situation they were in. However, this Toshiro was more like a shell, a fading bulb entangled in dust and many webs. To Kaito, this person was not a friend, nor was the situation a warm reunion. "But, as I see it. You were attacked by scumbag here, judging from your condition, and had your deck stolen... Am I wrong...?"

Kaito's angered demeanor was suddenly gone. "Y-Yes! I've only just recently woken up from the infirmary, searching for him. If you understand then-"

Toshiro interrupted him. "I understand that something precious to you has been stolen, but even if it's against school rules, he challenged me to an Ante Duel which I accepted." He took the deck from his brother's hand, and made sure everything was in order.

Slowly crawling away while the 3 had their discussion, Tamashi tried to escape. Unknowingly under his watchful eye, Haruki quickly and ruthlessly stepped on his back to stop him. "Attacking someone for their deck? That's a whole new low. Not only are you going to be expelled, but some jail time is on your bill when you get deported home as well..."

Toshiro shook his head. "Haruki, make sure he doesn't go anywhere..." Waving in response, Haruki resorted to sitting on him. Toshiro then gave Kaito his undivided attention. "I'll make you a deal... If you can defeat me using your deck, then you can walk away with it, lose and return it. Simple yes...?" Toshiro handed Kaito his deck, returning to his spot and awaiting Kaito to duel him.

The most logical thing to do would be to simply walk off with his deck. The whole situation made no sense to Kaito. Why duel for something that belonged to him in the first place. They both made eye contact once more, and in that moment he understood. Standing on the other side of Toshiro, he activated his duel disk.

Toshiro activated his. "I'm glad you understand..." This was not about the deck, but about how they've grown over the years. Hiding in the shadows, behind a cracked door, was none other than Detective Toki spectating their duel.

---

"I'll start..." Toshiro drew his opening hand. "I summon Dragon Stampede..." 4 small, multicolored dragons in black armor took the field (800 ATK). "Then I place 2 cards face down to end my turn..." 2 face-down cards appeared on his back row.

Kaito drew 1 card. His head still bothered him from his injury yet he pushed on, and pretended like nothing was wrong. "I set 1 monster and card face-down, and end my turn!" Usually no matter the opponent, Kaito would usually go all out and use pure force to overwhelm them, but he knew that Toshiro wasn't an opponent he could push over.

"Afraid of a monster with 800 Attack points? Mistake..." Toshiro said as he drew a card. "I'll attack your face-down monster with Dragon Stampede, and activate its effect! When Dragon Stampede attacks, it gains 1000 ATK and can't be destroyed by battle!" The four little dragons flew with their bodies ablaze and rushed Kaito's face-down monster as their attack points increased (1800 ATK). Kaito's monster flipped over, it was a scrawny winged-goblin wearing a winged hat. Burned to a crisp by the attack, the monster was destroyed.

"I activate the effect of Goblin Wing! When Goblin Wing is destroyed, I can special summon 2 level 4 or lower monsters from my hand, as long as they're attack points are 1000 or less! So I summon Saramino the Pixie Priestess and Great Knight's Shield from my hand!" A small, staff-wielding fairy in a priestess' robe appeared on the field (1800 DEF). And next to her, a large knight in full black and gold armor, holding a shield as big as its body, also appeared to Kaito's side in defense position (1700 DEF).

"Light Attribute Monsters...?" Toshiro thought to himself. He already knew what Kaito was going to do. "I see you're no longer going to play on the defensive..." Kaito smirked in response to his words. Though they had only began and Toshiro didn't show it, he and Kaito both were thoroughly enjoying the duel. "I activate the effect of Armored Dragon - Booster from my hand! If I tribute 1 Fire monster, I can special summon it from my hand!" By sacrificing the four little dragons, a blue dragon in red armor took its place (1300 ATK).

Kaito took his turn. "If you know what's coming next, then that monster isn't going to protect you much! I first activate Saramino's effect, increasing my life points by 300 for each monster I have." Saramino released an orb of light from her staff, increasing his life points (Kaito: 4600 LP). "Now here I go! I overlay my level 4 Saramino with my Level 4 Great Knight's Shield!" A portal then opened up beneath Kaito, and becoming orbs of light, his monsters entered. "Here it is, my ace monster. The very same card you gave me years ago, Starlight the Dragon Blade!" Emerging from the portal came a large, blue star-like structure. In an explosion it then took the form of a great, blue knight wielding two large blades, mounted on a blue dragon. (2500 ATK).

Detective Toki became overwhelmed by the luminous aura that encased this monster. "There it is! The card I've been searching for! Starlight the Dragon Blade, huh? What a wonderful spirit!" Trying to hold in his voice and content, he released a quiet, ominous laughter. "But If I remember correctly... this Island... is a Spirit Monster goldmine!"

"Ace monster...? So you still had it... but having that card won't save you! I activate the trap, Bottomless Trap Hole! If you summon a monster with 1500 or more attack, I can destroy and banish it!" Flipping over his trap, a dark portal opened up beneath Kaito's monster, slowly sucking and pulling it in.

Haruki took note of his brother's behavior. Rarely did he ever get excited for such duels, especially against someone of a lower rank. But this wasn't a duel between a Red and a Blue, it was a duel between brothers.

"Surely you didn't forget Starlight's effect! By removing an overlay unit, I can select 1 card on the field and that card can't be destroyed by battle or card effects this turn! I select itself!" Orbiting around Starlight were two yellow orbs of light, and by having it's dragon devour one, small blue stars emerged from the core on his chest (ORU 1). The stars then spiraled around it, forming a protective barrier and destroying Bottomless.

Toshiro remained unfazed. "Been so long, I forgot it had such an effect... but if I remember correctly it's not without it's drawbacks..."

Kaito felt the pressure pouring on, but didn't care. "Hehe! Here we go, Starlight attacks Booster!" Swords in hand, Starlight swooped down for the kill.

"I activate my second trap, Half Unbreak!" From Toshiro's card bubbles were created, encasing his dragon. "My monster isn't destroyed by battle, and the damage I take is halved!" Slashing the dragon, the monster withstood the attack, but Toshiro still received some of the force from the shock-wave (Toshiro: 3400 LP). Staggering, Toshiro regained balance.

Though worried he couldn't destroy his monster, Kaito set 1 card face-down to end his turn. He took notice of Toshiro's face, his expression was dry and unchanging. However he could tell he was enjoying it, he could see it in his eyes.

"It's been awhile since anyone managed to make my life points drop. I guess I have to stop going easy on you..." Toshiro's eyes became filled with more passion as he drew his card. "When I have level 8 monster face-up on the field, I can Normal Summon Napalm the Quasar without tributes!" From above, a demonic meteor fell on Toshiro's side of the field, and from one of the craters emerged a dragon's head (0 ATK). "During my turns only, Napalm's attack points become 2000..." The dragon in the meteor roared as flames and steam had burst out from the other craters. (2000 ATK).

"Still, Starlight might be a bit much for your dragons..." Kaito pointed out. He said that, but the truth is he has never won a duel against Toshiro. Usually he'd pumped and full of that great, unyielding fire he wields called confidence, but time he wasn't so sure. This time he has to be careful.

"Their attack points don't matter, it's their levels that I care about..." Toshiro replied. Just then, Kaito realized that they were both level 8 monsters. "So you've noticed? Well it's too late. I overlay the Level 8 Armored Dragon - Booster and Napalm the Quasar!" Becoming orbs of light, the dragons united into a portal as well. "Reveal yourself, Dragonic Avenger Kadmus!" Appearing to the field was an enormous, red dragon, in dark red armor. Spreading its great wings wielding and carrying a long, curved sword covered in chains, the dragon unearthed a mighty roar upon its summon (3000 ATK).

Causing the card in his pocket to resonate with the dragon's roar, Toki looked in awe. "I just don't believe this! Two Spirits of this size!? What is with this place!?!?" He couldn't be any more happier. His expression changed from sinister to that more of a spoiled kid in a candy store.

Kaito also felt its spiritual presence. "Toshiro... this monster..."

Ignoring him, Toshiro continued his turn. "By removing 2 overlay units from Kadmus, I can have him gain 1500 Attack points!" Devouring the red orbs witch orbited its body, Kadmus unleashed a blazing aura (ORU 0/4500 ATK). "But that's not all I'm doing. I activate the spell card, Overlay Capture! This takes an overlay unit from your monster and gives it to mine!"

Kaito payed the fact that Kadmus was a spirit monster no mind, because like everyone else, Toshiro also couldn't see or feel them. In response to card, Kaito activated one of his face-down cards. "Not so fast, I activate the Quick-play spell, Dark Totem!" Suddenly a black totem pole came from the sky and destroyed Toshiro's spell card before vanishing itself. "When my opponent activates a spell or trap card, totem negates its effect and destroys it."

"Hmph, that may be, but you're still going to take Kadmus' attack!" Toshiro's dragon prepared to strike.

Kaito smirked. "No, I don't! When Dark Totem is sent to the graveyard, my opponent can't declare an attack this turn. However for compensation, each player draws 1 card." They both drew their 1 card. This type of reunion was enough for Kaito. Though no heartfelt words were spoken, though no tears were shed, the clashing of their souls through this duel were more than enough to satisfy him.

Toshiro glared at the card he drew. "Not bad... You saved yourself pretty well... Better make your next turn count..." With that, he set 1 card face-down and ended his turn, also resulting in Kadmus' attack returning to normal (3000 ATK).

By his side, a sad Soul Kuriboh appeared. "Yeah I know... that was close, but I'm not safe yet. As long as Starlight has units, all battle I take with him is halved... So I would have only taken 1000 points at the most, but would of lost him. However, when Starlight has 0 overlay units, it loses 2000 attack points..." Kaito was at an odds about how to destroy Kadmus. There were several cards in his deck that could help him out, but right now they just weren't there. His plan was to wait 1 more turn for a miracle and hold out Kadmus' attack with Starlight's effect and his remaining face-down card "I switch Starlight to defense position and end my turn..." Starlight took a defensive stance (2000 DEF).

"I see, you plan on stalling, but I told you didn't I? To finish me that turn... From my hand, I activate Energy Attractor! This card lets me take one of your face-down cards and attach it to an Xyz monster I have as an overlay unit!" Turning Kaito's card into unit material, it then became apart of Kadmus. Kaito was shocked.

"Then I activate Starlight's effect!" Desperate to keep Starlight on the field, Kaito had no choice but to use it's effect.

"Sorry, but I won't let you. I activate Fiendish Chain..." Chains emerged from Toshiro's Trap card, binding Starlight. "Your monster's effect is sealed... Now I activate an Equip Spell card from my hand, Unyielding Plague! This card takes a non-Zombie-type monster and not only reduces it's attack points to 0, but changes it's battle position...!" Starlight's body became dim and sickly-like as it switched from defense position to attack position, crashing down to the ground being unable to fly any longer (0 ATK). "You may have escaped my Overlay Capture card last turn, but not these cards..."

Kaito could only bite the bullet of this next attack. Without Starlight's effect, he would have to feel this attack full force.

"Kadmus attacks Starlight!" With its great blade ablaze, Kadmus struck down and destroyed Starlight the Dragon Blade, sending Kaito flying closer to Haruki and Tamashi (Kaito: 1600 LP). "It's not over yet! I activate Kadmus' second effect!"

"Second effect...?" Kaito could only imagine what horrid secondary effect it could have.

"When Kadmus destroys a monster while it has overlay units, I can reveal the top card of my deck. If it's a Fire Monster, Kadmus attacks once again, if not, nothing happens." Toshiro places his fingers on the top of his deck. "This will decide the duel..." He pulled the top card of his deck, looked at it, and revealed it to everyone, Armored Dragon - Booster, a Fire monster. "This is the end..." Kadmus raised his blade once more and took to the skies. Diving towards Kaito with one final blow, it was finished (Kaito: 0 LP).[/spoiler]

[spoiler=Debut Cards in Chapter 2]

Toshiro:

Dragon Stampede
Level 4 FIRE Dragon-Type [800/800]
If this card attacks an opponent's monster, this card gains 1000 ATK during the Damage Step only and cannot be destroyed by battle.

Armored Dragon - Booster
Level 8 FIRE Dragon-Type [1300/1300]
If your opponent controls a face-up monster, you can Special Summon this card (from your hand), by tributing 1 face-up FIRE monster you control.

Napalm the Quasar
Level 8 FIRE Dragon-Type [0/1600]
If you control a Level 8 monster, you can Normal Summon this card without Tributing. This card gains 2000 ATK during your turn only.

Dragonic Avenger Kadmus
Rank 8 FIRE Dragon-Type [3000/2000]
2 Level 8 Dragon-Type monsters
If there are any monsters in your Graveyard that are not Dragon-Type; this card loses 600 ATK. This card cannot attack your opponent directly while it has no Xyz Material. Once per turn: You can detach 2 Xyz Materials from this card; this card gains 1500 ATK until the End Phase. If this card destroys your opponent's monster by battle: You can excavate the top card of your Deck, and if it is a FIRE monster, it can attack once again in a row, and if it does, your deck is shuffled. (This effect can only be applied/resolved while it has Xyz Material.)

 

Unyielding Plague
Equip-Spell Card
Equip only to a non-Zombie-Type monster. Its ATK becomes 0, then Change the battle position of that monster.

 

Kaito:

Saramino the Pixie Priestess
Level 4 Fairy-Type LIGHT [500/1800]
If this card would be destroyed by battle, you take no battle damage from that battle. Once per turn, you can gain Life Points equal to the number of monsters you control x 300.

Great Knight's Shield
Level 4 Warrior-Type LIGHT [400/1700]
When this card is sent to the Graveyard, you can banish this card from your Graveyard; monsters you control are changed to Defense Position and cannot be destroyed by battle this turn.

Goblin Wing
Level 3 Fiend-Type WIND [700/500]
When this card is destroyed and sent to the Graveyard,  you can Special Summon up to 2 Level 4 or lower monsters with 1000 ATK or less from your hand in face-up Defense Position.

 

Starlight the Dragon Blade
Rank 4 Warrior-Type LIGHT [2500/2000]
2 Level 4 monsters
If this card has Xyz Materials, halve any battle damage you take from battles involving this monster. Once per turn, during either player's turn: You can detach 1 Xyz Material from this card, and target 1 card you control; during this turn, it cannot be destroyed by battle or by card effects. While this card has no Xyz Materials, it loses 2000 ATK.

 

Dark Totem
Quick-play Spell
When an opponent's Spell/Trap Card is activated: Negate the Spell/Trap activation, and if you do, destroy it. When this card is sent to the Graveyard: Your opponent cannot declare an attack, if able, this turn, and each player draws 1 card.[/spoiler]

[asterr259]

As I see it, I'll probably be able to pull off 2 or 3 chapters a week with proper support.

 

---

[spoiler=Chapter 3: The Arrival Part 3]Laid out on the floor of the stadium, Kaito had many things to think about. "Does Toshiro think I'm worthy of this deck? Does he think I'm a loser? Am I truly good enough to stay here at this academy?" Though these questions seemed to be circling throughout his mind, he couldn't help but have the biggest smile on his face. He would probably end up challenging him to a rematch if it meant he'd keep his deck. Still full of adrenaline, he simply relaxed with his eyes closed and let his mind wonder. He soon started thinking of other worries instead such as the condition of Chisano.

Chisano was the daughter of the Chief of Campus Security, Mr. Kyoji. During the first couple days of the Trial Exam, Kaito went so far as to scour the island's mountains for cards. Rare cards were purposely spread all over the island at the time, and still probably are. However during the many hours he spent scaling those cold windy mountains, he only found a few cards. They were much too dangerous for students to climb alone, so Kaito didn't even go half way up. But before he started to descend back down, in a nearby cave was a small little girl with brown hair and pig-tails. She wore a large, blue coat but that wasn't enough to shield her from the elements. In desperate attempt to save her, Kaito went back down the mountain as quickly as he could, carrying her all the way. It was only by pure chance that he came across her, for the mountains were rarely visited at all, especially with the winter winds.

Chisano was a progressing Red Jacket student among her age group, being no older than 8 to 10 years old. Students under the age of 13 also have to take a Trial Exam, but on a much smaller scale and under complete supervision. As to how Chisano got far as to even the base of the mountain, no one knows. However Mr. Kyoji did explain that she often spoke of wanting to prove herself worthy of being a Blue.

Still unpopular, if not bullied or teased among the student populace, Kaito was hailed as a hero among staff of Northwest. He wanted to do much so much more for saving the life of his one and only daughter, but Mr. Kyoji could only award Kaito with rare cards. The nurses said it would be 4 days to a week for Chisano to completely recover, but Kaito hadn't had the chance to speak with Mr. Kyoji or check on her himself.

"Hey, how long are you gonna lay there sleeping...?" Toshiro said. Upon opening his eyes, Kaito was being offered help off the floor. Slowly taking his hand, Kaito arose, standing tall.

"I guess, I should give this deck back now huh?" Though earlier Kaito said to himself he'd challenge him as many times as it'd take, he figured Toshiro would cherish his cards just as much. It's obvious many things happened, obviously making him colder and harder, but under it all he truly hasn't changed. With his deck in hand, he felt the sadness of all his monsters begging him not to, especially Soul Kuriboh. "A deal's a deal" he muttered to himself.

"You fool..." Shocked by his response, Kaito looked at him confusingly as Toshiro turned away. "I thought you said you understood what I meant when the duel began... If you lost, become stronger! Become so strong you'll never yield to anyone, and then defeat me...!" Kaito laughed a little. Toshiro said one thing but what he heard was completely different; "Keep your deck, I know it means a lot to you. Grow together with those cards, and challenge me again so we can have another fun duel!"

Haruki, with Tamashi gripped in hand, headed over to Toshiro. "Nice duel Kai-bro. But you know, I've grown stronger too, you should challenge me sometime. Though, hopefully under better circumstances. For now we're gonna take this guy in."

"That won't be necessary!" said a voice coming from the stands. It was none other than Detective Toki. "Kaito here has explained the whole situation to me!" He said with a smile. "Stealing a deck is one thing worthy of suspension or maybe even expulsion, but assaulting a student? You're going to do some hard time, buddy... Hehe! I always wanted to say a cliche cop line!" Toki said as he pulled out some handcuffs and took Tamashi off their hands.

Kaito knew that he meant well, but it didn't feel like Toki was someone he could easily rely on. "Well, at least it's over now..."

"Actually it's not. Um, it's my understanding that what I just witnessed was an Ante Duel right...?" Toki said hesitantly.

"Huh! W-Wait! You've got it all wrong!" Haruki tried to explain.

"S-Sorry! But even if I do, you guys were still dueling unsupervised, in the stadium no less! I at least have to take you guys to the office..." Toki brought his voice down some, and looked around a little. "I-If you resist, I'd have to submit your names to Chancellor Bane..."

All of the student's faces went pale, even Tamashi and Toshiro's. Chancellor Bane was the Head Chancellor, or Principal, of Northwest Academy. He was a feared man even among staff, because he gave off the aura of a gangster or even mafia boss, rather than a upstanding authority figure. Even getting personally awarded by him is something to be feared. Kaito only met him once when he greeted the students taking the Trial Exam, but did everything in his power to avoid being "rewarded" for his courageous effort in saving Chisano. Chancellor Bane still seeks the opportunity to meet him.

"Haha, my office should be more than enough..." Another voice was heard coming from the steps of the bleachers. It was a rather lean white-haired man, holding a coat in his arms and smoking a cigarette.

"Ah! Mr. Kyoji!" Kaito said. He looked with glee from seeing such a trustworthy face.

Mr. Kyoji smiled and winked at Kaito. "Teruchi, go ahead and process that punk you've got, and I'll go ahead and deal with these knuckleheads..."

"Y-Yes Boss! Right away!" Toki pushed and shoved Tamashi up the stairs, being rather rough, however no one cared.

"He's young and pretty green around the horns, but incredibly smart. That's why they hired him as the campus detective. Alright, to my office, all 3 of you. I'll hear your stories separately." Walking them out, Mr. Kyoji scratched his face realizing it almost time for a shave with his 5'o clock shadow coming in.

At his office, Kaito waited outside as Mr. Kyoji spoke with Haruki and Toshiro. Soon after, they both came out with Haruki having a full face of relief.

"Phew, hey bro, everything is going to be okay! That old man in there is 100% understanding!" Haruki said happily. Suddenly a pen came flying out the office, hitting him directly in the head. "OUCH!"

"I heard that! Old man huh!? Just hurry up and call Kaito in here!" Mr. Kyoji yelled.

"I'm keeping this pen Old man!" Haruki picked it up and ran away to class, holding his head in minor pain. "See ya around Kaito! With you around, our family is complete! But do us a favor, and hurry and get into Blue!" He said with the largest grin. Being generally shunned by his other classmates, it's nice that Kaito finally had people he could call friends.

Toshiro followed in Haruki's direction, giving Kaito a simple wave from behind. Still trying to be calm and cool, He held true his feelings in to the end. Kaito didn't mind, he knew his feelings were probably just the same as Haruki. And with that, Kaito entered Kyoji's office and took a seat.

"This isn't going to be a daily thing is it? My daughter wasn't saved by a delinquent right?" Mr. Kyoji's tone was warm and he appeared to be joking, but his eyes said something else. He awaited his response.

"Hehehe... Not at all sir...!" Kaito tensed up a bit.

"Relax! Jokes, just jokes!" His laughter loosened Kaito up a bit. "A better question would be how's your head doing...?"

With everything that happened, he was still in a little pain. "Ah, no it's fine..."

"I apologize on behalf of the school..." Mr. Kyoji groaned. He not only seemed tired, but looks like he was up to his neck in paperwork. More than likely this is what he's going to be doing all day. "You see, the school recruits only the best and most interesting students from all over the world. You get on the boat, participant in the Trial Exam, pass, and boom you're a student. However, what isn't checked until afterwards, is student backgrounds. It appears that this Tamashi Yamano is, for lack of a better word, 'emotionally unstable'... He has an interesting history of overreacting in public and doing things on impulse. Normally I'd blame the principal for such a system, but in this case, that would be a curse among taboos..."

"I see..." That explained many things about Tamashi, but Kaito left it alone seeing as how he probably wouldn't have to worry about him again.

"Well anyway... Don't worry about your situation. Teruchi called in your half and your 'brothers' explained the rest, but if I'm not mistaken you're not related by blood right?" Kyoji said, flipping through clipboards and documents.

"Right, they are, but I think more of a 'foster brother' if that's the correct term. We spent a lot of our childhood together at an orphanage." Kaito replied. "Glad to see they haven't changed..."

"I see, I see." Kyoji smiled. "Well I was just making sure. The real reason I wanted to speak with you separately is because it's about a whole new topic - your social life..." Kaito looked down a bit in response. "Sorry if you feel like I invaded your privacy, but I honestly just wanted to know more about the guy who saved my daughter's life you know...?"

"Oh no, it's fine. I'm open to talk..." Kaito didn't really know how he felt about being 'socially inept'. On one hand, he didn't really care if people teased him a bit about his ability, but on the other he did feel it'd be nice to have friends who understood him. He had only gained the ability to talk to spirits after his dad died. At first he thought he was going crazy with loneliness, but then figured his ability was a genuine power he used to help people and spirits in various situations.

Mr. Kyoji leaned back in his chair and continued flipping through, and signing papers all over his desk. "Personally I believe in spirits too, though I can't see them like you can. I'm sure they're all around us even in our cards!" For the first time, someone outside of friends and family believed him. Kaito listened to what he had to say. "Which is why I think it's best you join a club." Kyoji said, giving him eye contact.

"A club...?" When Kaito thought club, he was thinking more along the lines of chess and sports.

"Yes, a club! As you should know, students at Northwest don't necessarily have to become pro-duelists. In fact, many students generally become workers at big name companies that focus on duel monsters. So to help students find themselves better, Northwest is home to many extracurricular clubs, like the Gardening Club or Robotics Club!"

It did seem interesting to Kaito. Maybe a club would be just what he needed to make friends. "So... What do you think I should join..?"

"Glad you asked! I was actually looking into it, and I found a...-" Kyoji stopped and double checked the paper. "-Shamans Club!"

"It... doesn't seem you know too much about it..." That much was obvious if he couldn't even remember the name.

"Alright you busted me... But it's really the only club that supports that type of subject. You could go out and make your own club, but that takes time to only approve but get members for. This club is small and only has a few members, BUT it's been already approved by Chancellor Bane himself! Do me a favor, after your classes, just stop by and see what you think. If you don't like it, there are lots of other clubs and activities you can get involved in here at Northwest." Mr. Kyoji showed true concern for Kaito and wanted his experience to be fun and as great as possible while attending this school. Kyoji wrote where he could find the club on a small piece of paper and handed it to him.

Though reluctantly, Kaito took the slip and thought about it. His classes lasted a full 7 or 8 hours, but after 4 pm, he was completely free for several.

"Buuuut, if you don't want to listen to me, I could always go ask Chancellor Bane to see what he thinks. What was your room number again...? R-613...?" Kyoji waved a paper in front of Kaito's face, revealing all his personal information from his classes to his dorm room number. "He's not as exclusive, as to not visit a student if recommended..."

Kaito jumped up. "Yessir! I'll check out the Shamans Club right after 8th Period sir!" Kaito immediately left for class.

"Ah! Wait if your head is still bothering you, go straight back to the infirmary!!!" After he was completely gone, Mr. Kyoji laughed again. "I didn't even say he was dismissed... Ah well... I'm sure there's a perfect place for him at this school..." It was then his office phone rang. "This is Kyoji..." Upon answering, he caught wind of some disturbing news.

Kaito had already missed his first 2 or 3 classes with everything that happened, and technically he could go back and rest at the infirmary or rest at his dorm at any time he felt like it. Even so, Kaito went to each class and got information regarding what he missed or would be missing before going back to his dorm room. It seemed news of his attack had already gotten to teachers and students, so everyone was quite understanding.

Back at his room, Kaito reorganized his deck. In the end, he had to rely on waiting for the right cards to come in his duel with Toshiro. That means his deck doesn't have a proper flow. Hours passed and before he knew it, cards were all over the place and his deck was still somewhat incomplete. Coming to him for help, Soul Kuriboh tried pointing out a few cards. "Hm, you're right! That's actually not a bad idea Kuriboh, but it's still missing something..." He sighed and decided to take a short break to ease his mind, but from outside his window he saw something glistening from a far.

"Hey Kuriboh... What's that...?" He got up and got closer, but still couldn't make it out. Kuriboh looked in confusion also unable to identify it. "Maybe if I open the window..." Since the windows were dirty, he thought maybe that could make it easier to see. However upon its opening, the glistening object flew straight into his room. "What the-!?"

The glowing object was a card which then took the form of a slim, roach-like creature with large, green shades. "Oh yeah! Neo-Spacian Steel Roach is here! Have no fear Jaden!" He said doing multiple flashy poses.

An awkward silence struck the room. "...Who...?" That was all he could say given what just happened.

"Jaden? Jaden Yuki? That's you right?" The creature pulled out a map. "Jaden Yuki from Central Academy?"

"Dude, two things. One, wrong Academy. In fact, 'Central Academy' closed down years ago. Two, No one has seen Jaden Yuki in over 60 years..." Kaito pulled out his history book and revealed Jaden Yuki as one of the greatest duelist of all time who suddenly vanished.

"W-W-What...?! That can't be right! I received this letter from my Neo-Spacian brethren telling me to contact Jaden Yuki!" The creature pulled out another piece of paper. Kaito attempted to read it, but it was blurred and old. He had no idea what to make of it.

"I... Uh... Sorry bro, zero clue what to tell you..." Spirits contacting him wasn't new, and usually he'd put the utmost effort into helping them. However, this case seemed like a lost cause. To get him to someone who already fought their battle over 60 years ago was just impossible.

"N-Nooooooo!!!" The creature sobbed in his corner in what seemed like total despair.

Kaito was actually very busy with a lot of things on his mind regarding his deck, but he took the time to comfort him. "Um, so do you have a name...?"

"Well... My friends call me Ugly, Stinky, Useless, but you can call me Flip!" Seeing that he cared, Flip's sadness almost vanished instantly. Of-course monsters had a name as a species, but most monsters had their own individual names.

"Those don't sound like-... Nevermind... Well, Flip, I'm actually pretty busy so if you don't mind...?" Kaito then went back to making his deck and deciding what cards be in and what should be out.

Both Soul Kuriboh and Flip stared over his shoulder. "... You should add that..." Flip said pointing to his own card which had fallen among his collection. Soul Kuriboh shook his head and pointed to a much better card. "No, no! I'm SURE this will be more than enough!" Flip said guiding Kaito's attention back to his own card. Kuriboh had then began to growl. "You wanna go furball!? Let's wrestle!"

Kaito then realized that he had adopted another assertive spirit into his collection. "This isn't gonna work..." Kaito sighed as he completely lost focus in what he was trying to do. Looking at the time, he saw it was already 4:12 pm. Kaito decided it would be best to go ahead now and look for the Shamans Club. The walk to the school building was anything but quiet as Kuriboh and Flip fought and argued all of the way. His spirit-seeing gift suddenly felt like a curse.

The club room was located in a dark and quiet hallway where the light flickered constantly. No other used classrooms seemed connected to it, so it just seemed like a dark corner. It was pretty creepy and bothered him quite a bit, but nevertheless he entered. "Wow..." He said to himself. The room was kind of dim, but the inside was great the further he walked in. With all the nice, smooth furniture and expensive-looking tables and accessories, it looked more like a lounge or a bachelor's pad. Far less creepy than he thought it'd be.

"Is some one there!?" Said a light voice. From a back room, a small figured girl with long auburn hair and glasses came out to speak. "Oh, Kaito..."

"Oh uh, Hi. How do you know my name...?" He doesn't remember ever meeting this girl, so he was kind of freaked out that she knew his name given the atmosphere.

"Oh! My name is Hyohime Hitsugi... We have English Class together... But I sit behind you so, I wouldn't expect you to see me... But anyway! What brings you here?" Like him she was a Red, but Hyohime was a little nervous, or rather on edge for some reason.

Kaito didn't think too hard about it. "Oh, nice to meet you too then." He said softly. "I came to see about joining the Shamans Club...?"

"Oh um, I don't know... You see you have to speak to someone who's been here longer about joining..." She played with her hair and looked away. "I-If you want you can just stay awhile and wait?"

"Oh no, it's okay. I just came to check it out, nice meeting you though..." Kaito was a bit bummed. He thought joining would be as simple as signing his name and receiving a tour. Before he could leave, he almost bumped into someone else.

"Leaving so soon? Couldn't wait 3 more seconds I see." This one was a tall woman with silky, violet hair and beautiful pink lips. She was almost like a goddess. However he could tell she was out of his league, especially since she was blue jacket.

"Asuka, welcome back!" Said Hyohime.

"Mm, thank you. I see we have a new joining member. My name is Asuka Majumei, a pleasure Mr. Kaito was it?"

Although he couldn't quite put a finger on it, the name "Majumei" sounded familiar. "Yes, but I'm not sure if I'm joining just yet..." Kaito tried get past her, but she insisted on turning him back.

"Nonsense, I'm sure you've heard right? We're low on members. Your rank doesn't matter to us here at the Shamans Club." Asuka was very assertive, handing him a pen and a sign-in sheet.

Kaito sighed as he slowly signed his name. "B-But I don't even know what you guys do here..."

"It'll be fine. I'll walk you through everything when I get the chance, but for now we're having a meeting with our more experienced members. If you don't like it, you can leave at any time, okay?" She took the pen and paper from him and gently wrapped her arm around him walking him to the door. "We hope to see you here at least within the next couple days." She said, slowly closing the door behind him. With skills like that, she could probably sell a car to an elephant. Kaito felt that whole experience was weird and pushy. However they did give him time to think about it, which he planned on doing.

The next day in the following afternoon, Kaito had arrived early for English Class. His head felt much better, and so he asked the nurse to remove the bandages. Normally it'd just be like any other class where he'd be all alone, but this time he decided to pay attention who was who and who sat where.

"Hey there!" Kaito was approached by yet another new face with bright spiky blue hair. He was a Red, but the sleeve on his right arm was ripped off. This was probably to show off the many tattoos on it. "The Name's Zhao Shang! I just wanted to commend your duel with that Yellow guy you fought. Though you couldn't rank up, you're looked up to by all the other Reds!" In his hand was a school newspaper which looked like it contained a section regarding yesterday's events in detail.

"Oh? Um, thanks... He honestly wasn't all that good, so I hardly call it a victory..." It did appear he was the center of attention during passing periods, but he has still yet to identify it as positive or negative.

"Haha, That's the way! I like you. If you continue strong and proud, then maybe one day you'll be just as good as Zhao the Cannon!" Zhao said, continuously slapping Kaito on the back. "We Reds are hunted for sport, but even when a rat is cornered, it bites back!" Kaito wasn't trying to gloat, but he forced a smile and went along with it in the hopes he'd stop hitting him. Being put in Red, Yellow, or Blue dorm doesn't actually determine your true worth as a duelist. Given the circumstance that you have to make a completely new deck and win a duel with it, luck is also a factor. And Tamashi, no matter how anyone looks at it, was plain lucky. If Kaito earns good enough grades, he can be promoted that way as well, and continue to work his way up.

"Ugh! Give it a rest Zhao and stop harassing Kaito!" Hyohime had walked into the classroom. Her shy attitude seemed to have vanished when addressing others. "He obviously doesn't want to talk about yesterday!"

"What? All I'm saying is that he's a good duelist, so good that he might be a worthy rival for me!" Zhao smirked and took up an attempt at an intimidating pose. However no one really cared.

"Uh... Yea anyway. Class is about to start so how about you get your seat, and leave my Club-mate alone!" Hyohime took her seat and prepared her things.

"Club? What club!? Surely one worthy to bestow the great Zhao's presence upon!" Zhao took a seat right next to Kaito, knowing that no one sat there. "Hehe, surely the teacher won't mind! So, what's this club!?" He asked Kaito.

"Well, I still don't know if I want to jo-" Before Kaito could finish, a book came flying from Hyohime's direction, nailing Zhao in the face. He fell out of his seat in a rather awkward fashion.

Angered, the book was thrown by none other than her. "I said leave him alone! Gosh!" Hyohime's face became flustered as she made eye contact with Kaito, and quickly looked away.

Kaito hesitantly checked on Zhao's condition. "Are you-...?"

Slowly rising from the floor, Zhao gave Kaito a thumbs up. He seemed a little dizzy, but he was okay. Even-though the words from the spine of the book were almost clearly imprinted on his forehead. The school year had only just began, and Kaito had already met and even befriended many different types of people. The boy who was once picked on for being different was no longer alone.[/spoiler]

[Synchronized]

Going to attempt to keep this prelude a bit short, as there’s not really too much to say since this story doesn’t have any kind of pre-established backstory or site-wide notoriety (yet) as Armageddon did/does, but there was one point I wanted to make.  There’s been some (accurate) critique over the way I went about the first review and because of this, I took an extra day to try and come up with some changes to make things more effective while still being critical and entertaining.

 

I’ve already lined up some stories for the next couple, but because this is brand new I wanted to get something done on it, and I haven’t had the chance to read it yet so I’m going into this with nothing other than the knowledge that it’s called ‘Yu-Gi-Oh! Spirit Caller Genesis’.  A slightly generic title I guess, given the whole Spirit Caller/Duel Academy connection, but we’ll give it a fair shot.

 

Often times Duel Academy Fan-Fictions tend to be very generic as a whole as people try to recreate the magic and the atmosphere the GX established, but as much as I was a fan of GX, once this prelude ends I’m going into this with a totally non-biased attitude.

 

So let’s jump in!

 

 

Episode 2: Oh Joy...Back to Duel Academy...

 

[spoiler=Yu-Gi-Oh! Spirit Caller Genesis, Chapter 1]

 

It was already a week since Kaito Uriamuzu took his entrance exam in order to attend Northwest Academy. Northwest was a top prestigious school that accepted students regardless of background. What they really cared about was talent, which you have or you don't.

 

[I don’t like the way this was worded at all.  In my personal opinion it’s a poor hook that’s often overused, but overlooking that, a lot of it just doesn’t sound right.  ‘What they really cared about what talent, which you have or you don’t’ sounds as though you’re talking to the reader at the same time as you’re telling the story.  This wouldn’t seem so out of place if you hadn’t been using a different frame of reference just two sentences earlier.  If you’re going to say it as though you’re talking to the reader, I find it best to stick with that, as opposed to going back and forth between tense.]

 

Kaito was from a small island known as Angelcrest, owned by a large and notorious goods manufacturing company.

 

[Well of course.  Because the small and not-so-notorious companies aren’t ruthless enough to own an island.]

 

Smothered by pollution from the factories, many of the people were sick and often died of disease.

 

[That’s somewhat extreme, no? Is there no government or law enforcement on this island? No one realizes that they’re KILLING people, although indirectly?  I’m not sure this is something that people would just be ‘okay’ with.  After all, why would you move to the island if everyone was dying from poison in the air?  Good luck finding a real estate agent that would take that task on.]

 

Kaito's one true goal, is to become a professional duelist and raise money to do something for his homeland. However, good intentions will not get you into Northwest. Transportation to Northwest is free, as many talent agents go all over the world in search of talented students, but in order to be accepted, you must pass the "Trial Exam". The Trial Exam gives 1 week for potential students to gather cards by any means necessary from school grounds to make a deck in which then, they will take their entrance exam and duel for their admission.

 

[You’re doing it again.  ‘Kaito’s goal is’, and then going back to telling the story.  You’re switching between tense again and it’s detracting from the story.  Perhaps something along the lines of ‘Kaito’s goal was to become a professional duelist’, etc.  You could probably word it better than I did but when you go back and forth between tense like that, although it may not seem like it matters that much, it affects the overall storytelling.]

 

Though you can try every year, no amount of money or connections can get you in. It only took Kaito one try, for he knew the stakes were too high. Having lost his mother to illness and his father to the sea, Kaito was raised in an orphanage at a young age. He promised to one day come home with the means of fulfilling the hopes of a better future for everyone. Seniority meant nothing in Northwest, a 1st year student could easily climb the ranks and become a Pro-duelist before a 3rd year. Again, the key word is Talent.

 

[Still doing it, but at this point I’ve made my opinions known on that.  I honestly don’t like how generic this seems.  Writing-wise, you’re fine aside from the grammatical issues, but like ‘his parents are gone, he’s poor, etc.’ is such an overused story.  And if you were using that as simply a backdrop and were going to go into it more, I guess I could excuse it, but I don’t get the feeling that you’re going to reference his parents or his homeland much more unless it’s a means for him to get up and keep fighting or something like that.]

 

Day 5 being a student and Kaito found himself up earlier than usual and decided to leave his dorm early, taking a morning walk around campus. He was a very tall and dark-skinned individual. As per dress code, he wore a red jacket symbolizing his rank. His hair was long and black, but had natural teal-like highlights going down the lower half. Like Angelcrest, Northwest was also located on an island though more mountainous and colder.

[And apparently not some kind of lawless island where poisoning the air and killing the population is totally acceptable.  That’s a plus.]

 

And to make matters worst, it was the winter season, but this didn't bother Kaito. He loved the winter and enjoyed its subtle, frigid winds embrace his face. It was such an enormous difference from Angelcrest where the skies were always dark and the snow was more like ash. Even with such a background, everyone knew Kaito for his carefree attitude and his unusual ability.

[I’m not sure what you were going for here.  You’re talking about the seasons, then you’re going back to describing the island, then you’re talking about Kaito’s personality and talent all in one paragraph.  It’s confusing and you rushed through it so it doesn’t really pack any sort of a punch.  You’re outright trying to use a lot of descriptive words to the point where it almost seems forced.  Try toning it down a little.]

 

From the deck box on his hip, sounds could be heard. As he opened it, a small, blue, furry creature with a ghostly tail wearing a green hat emerged. This was Soul Kuriboh, a duel monster spirit. Though no one believes him, he is one of the few people in the world who has the ability to properly communicate and understand duel spirits.

 

[Oh COME ON, SERIOUSLY? He’s a student at a Duel Academy with a KURIBOH that communicates with him through some exclusive network of a limited amount of people that can talk to these spirits? It’s literally Jaden with less healthy lungs thanks to the whole ‘let’s poison everyone’ thing.]

 

 "Haha, I see you also wanted some fresh air huh?" Kaito responded. Soul Kuriboh happily circled around Kaito in excitement as they continued their walk. He still had another 2 hours before class started so he decided to get to know where everything was. From his dorm, to the art department, to the duel stadiums, he became much more knowledgeable of where everything was. Suddenly he found himself in Yellow territory, and was greeted by another student.

 

"Well well, what's a Red Jacket doing way out here...?" He said. A student's rank depended on what color jacket they wore: Red, Yellow, Blue, and White, in order from lowest to highest. Your placement depended on how well you maintained your life points during the entrance exam. Red being you pass with 1000 or less, and white being you passed with 4000 or over.

 

"I'm just going out for a walk I guess?" Though Kaito has a lost expression on his face, Soul Kuriboh angrily huffing and puffing all over the place.

 

[This whole exchange was bad.  Not trying to be rude or anything, but it was really, really bad.  You tried to build up a moment of some kind of antagonist appearing and then decided to info-stack us with the qualifications to get into the academy.  There would have been such a better way to go about that, even though it still feels like a blatant rip-off of GX, even from Chazz’s first appearance.]

 

It sensed ill-intent from the person who stood before him. Noticing this, Kaito thought it would be best to simply leave. "But if it bothers you that much, I can just go..." When he turned around, he found himself surrounded by a couple of other Yellow Jacket students.

 

"Sorry Red but I can't just let you leave. I guess you didn't know that Reds aren't welcomed in Yellow territory? I'll be glad to teach you a few rules." The spiky black-haired individual pulled out a duel disk. It seemed the only way to leave was defeat him if not everyone else as well.

 

"Ha! If it's a duel you want, you got it! Mind if I get your name?" Kaito anxiously pulled his duel disk from his school bag and placed his deck inside.

 

"Tamashi! And when I'm done with you, make sure you tell all your Red friends that I'm here to whip you drop-outs into shape!" He replied releasing an arrogant laugh. Commencing the duel as their duel disks unfolded out, they drew their opening hands.

 

[Well of course his laugh is arrogant.  That’s what generic villains would do.  Somehow I get the sense that Kaito’s going to win this one because of Kuriboh urging him to keep fighting.  Or something.]

 

---

 

"Ladies first!" Kaito said with a smile.  With his cards in hand, he felt as victory was within his grasp.

 

[CLEVER~  He’s a male and he called him a female so therefore he insulted his pride.  This is probably going to visibly frustrate [s]Chazz.[/s] Tamashi.]

 

Tamashi's arrogant demeanor vanished, as he became slightly more serious. "Very funny!" All he could think about was defeating Kaito and 'putting him in his place'. "I'll start by summoning Goblin Fire!" A small green goblin with a small pony-tail of flames emerged to the field wielding a wooden club (ATK 100). "Then I'll end my turn!"

 

[The monster only has 100 ATK points.  Clearly it’s terrible and doesn’t have any effects that the hero might run into!  He must be underestimating him because he’s a [s]Slifer Slacker[/s] Red!]

 

"Yep, he's underestimating me." Kaito thought to himself as he drew his card. "I'll rise to the top one day, and when I do, that is the moment I'll become king!" He exclaimed. Chances of getting into the Pro-Circuit were pretty slim even for the White Jackets. And to claim to become the King, the greatest Duelist in the world, was something no one took very lightly.

 

[My first ordinance as King would be to tone down the poisonous air in the island.  That’s harsh.]

 

"Here we go! I'll start by activating Dark Bargain! This lets me draw a card, but forces me to send 1 monster from hand to the graveyard! And the card I'm sending is Pleading Fusionist!" After drawing, a dark and ghastly hand appeared from his deck and sent the card to his graveyard. Kaito smiled for the card he drew was none other than Soul Kuriboh. "Oh it's you! Well I'm not done yet! When Pleading Fusionist is sent to the Graveyard, she let's me add one 'Fusion' card from my deck to my hand! I choose Voltage Fusion." As Voltage Fusion is added to his hand, Kuriboh jumped for joy. "Hehe, Okay fine."

 

[It’s like you’re doing this purposely to get me to react.  He has a Kuriboh and uses Fusion cards? Did you just start watching re-runs of GX and get inspired to see it continue?]

 

 

Tamashi and his goons were shocked at how well he was doing. "He's not bad, but no matter what, he won't get past my awesome combo. I'll survive this round, and then make my comeback!" Though slightly frightened, these were Tamashi's thoughts.

 

[Shocked? How? He hasn’t done anything yet! He drew a card and searched something.  Why is that grounds to be shocked?]

 

"I'll continue by summoning Soul Kuriboh!" Spiraling forth, Kuriboh emerged with glee ready to fight (ATK 300). "Then I'll activate his effect! If there's a Light type monster in my graveyard, I can inflict 800 points of damage to you!" A crying blue-hair child wearing a red robe and scarf appeared beside Kuriboh, this was the image of Pleading Fusionist. The ghostly image then took the form of a ball of energy which Kuriboh hurled towards Tamashi, reducing his life points by 800 points (Tamashi: 3200 LP).

 

Tamashi flinched as he was slightly pushed back. Though no real damage could be felt from the holograms, the following side effects were always surprisingly realistic and did carry quite a punch. "Is that all? Looks like I'll still make it out with at least 2500 life points..."

 

[Of course that’s not all.  When you ask if that’s all, it almost ALWAYS means there’s more to come.  I feel like if these villains would learn, they’d probably be able to pose more of a threat.]

 

"Wrong! This is the final turn!" Kaito replied. Everyone was in shock, but Kaito wanted to make it perfectly clear that the words he spoke of earlier held their weight. To become the King and help Angelcrest, this was his one and only dream. "I activate Voltage Fusion! This allows me fuse two monsters on the field or in my hand! I'm fusing Soul Kuriboh on my field and Antlers from my hand."  A large insect with a deer like body and ant-like anatomy appeared on the field as both it and Kuriboh merged together. "Fusion Summon! Kuribeetle!" A brown, larger fluffy creature with 6 insect-like wings with a horn and mandibles appeared on the field (ATK 2200). "Kuribeetle attacks Goblin Fire! Scissor Crush!" Using its mandibles with great force, Kuribeetle crushed and destroyed Goblin Fire reducing Tamashi's life points even further (Tamashi: 1100 LP).

 

[This is just too much.  I just...I’m seriously trying to get into this but from a story perspective, man...]

 

"S-So what! I'm still here!" Tamashi gritted his teeth. He was already down to a fourth of his life points having not inflicted a single point of damage, this was an embarrassment.

 

[No he’s not! [s]Flame Wingman[/s] Kuribeetle is going to have some kind of effect that burns away the rest of his Life Points in embarrassing fashion!]

 

"No way! Hey man, I thought you said this Tamashi guy was good!?" Tamashi's friends could be heard murmuring in the background. This was not only embarrassing, but a serious problem. If a underclassmen is defeated by an upperclassmen, then there's no problem. However if an upperclassmen is defeated by underclassmen having at least 2 or 3 witnesses to vouch, then the loser is demoted and the winner is promoted.

 

[Why wasn’t this established beforehand? The duel feels generic as it is, but if you had at least built up to the possibility of Kaito getting a promotion (which feels way too early if you ask me), it would have made the duel a little more suspenseful.]

 

"H-Hey! Come on, there's nothing else you can do! Just end your turn already!" Tamashi yelled.

 

"Did you not hear me the first time? I said this was the final turn, I activate Kuribeetle's effect! By banishing Kuribeetle, I can special summon its fusion materials in my graveyard!" Kuribeetle vanished from the field, and Soul Kuriboh and Antlers (ATK 1700) returned in it's place. "I think you can see where this is going right?"

 

Tamashi fell to his knees "N-No, wait, can't we work some-"

 

[Sorry Tamashi.  You should’ve seen this one coming.  I did.  I’m pretty sure Hellen Keller did, too.]

 

"Antlers, Direct attack!" Kaito interjected. "This is the power of a King!" Rushing towards him, the insect rammed and trampled over Tamashi and wiped out the remainder of his life points (Tamashi: 0 LP).

 

---

 

[Just minutes ago Kaito was all nervous and kind of intimidated by this guy, but all of the sudden he’s an arrogant ‘King’?  I don’t like that transition at all, even if he is a Mary Sue and a half.]

 

"Woah he actually lost?! Let's get out of here, what a loser..." Though they stung, these were the words of his so-called friends, but it was quite obvious to everyone there was actually no such relationship. "Don't worry about us telling anyone Tamashi, though you definitely deserve to be demoted, you'd ruin the Yellow's reputation..." one replied. They both angrily left him behind.

 

"Never underestimate your opponent! Right Soul Kuriboh?" Kaito smiled as Kuriboh nodded in agreement. Triumphant, Kaito proceeded to walk away as well. Suddenly, Kuriboh flinched and cried out in pain. "Huh? Kuriboh what's wrong!?" The spirit abruptly returned to its card.

 

While he continued to try and communicate with Kuriboh, Tamashi rose from the ground in a silent rage. "Me? Defeated by that weirdo? No, I don't think so! No matter what, I'll defeat that high and mighty bastard Toshiro!"

 

Hearing and recognizing the name 'Toshiro', Kaito turned around only to be attacked by Tamashi with a nearby tree branch. Successfully knocking him out, Tamashi proceeded to take Kaito's deck. "With this, there's no way Toshiro will be able to ignore me now...!" Breathing heavily, it was almost as if Tamashi had lost all reason. It appeared losing the duel had an effect on him mentally. He laughed maniacally, running towards the school building.

 

[This whole thing...what? It happened way too fast.  How did he knock him out with a tree branch? WTF? I don’t understand that at all.  And of course he took Kuriboh and everything with him.  But man, I’m getting this whole GX vibe worse and worse and it’s really, really taking me out of the story.]

 

Soon after, a robed man in what looked like a detective's attire came across Kaito's body. Ignoring him completely, he looked around as if he was searching for something else. "S***... I could of sworn it was here...! I was sure I felt the presence of a spirit..." from his pocket, he pulled out an ominous Xyz monster, shrouded in a fiery, purple aura. "Soon my friend, it'll be feeding time..."

 

[Again, the hook at the end was decent at best, but you rushed through so much content in that last section that none of it had a chance to sink in.][/spoiler]

 

And we're done.

 

I know a lot of what I said was definitely critical, but there was so much to dislike about the story itself.  As a writer, you're pretty talented and I'm gonna assume this is your first real attempt at a Fan-Fic, in which case it's much better than my first one was.  The Duel Academy backstory presents a significant challenge right off the bat, because in order for people to actually like it and for the story to be worth reading, you have to really think outside the box, and I mean really.  GX had so much story content that it's always going to be compared to things like this, but I almost got the feeling that you were going for a GX ripoff instead of trying to incorporate your own ideas.

 

I don't really like Kaito as a character either because he's inconsistent and there's really no reason for me to root for him because his backstory feels so forced that there's no natural emotion developed between the reader and the character.  You told us everything terrible that happened to him and his apparently ungoverned island, but you didn't give any of it a chance to sink in.

 

The duel, too, was only one turn long and by not including spoilers to let us know what the cards actually do, even that was hard to follow.  I'm of the belief that duels can significantly enhance a story if used correctly, but you only had a duel for the sake of there being a duel and there was never any reason for me to care about the outcome one way or another.  If the bad guy had won, it would've felt generic, and with Kaito winning, it still felt generic.

 

I'm not ruling out the idea of reading further Chapters, but there's definitely a lot of things you need to consider going forward.  The potential for a story (especially with your writing skills, aside from grammar, being pretty solid for a newcomer) is there, but you have a lot of work to do.

 

What I Think: Decent at best (currently)

[asterr259]

Going to attempt to keep this prelude a bit short, as there’s not really too much to say since this story doesn’t have any kind of pre-established backstory or site-wide notoriety (yet) as Armageddon did/does, but there was one point I wanted to make.  There’s been some (accurate) critique over the way I went about the first review and because of this, I took an extra day to try and come up with some changes to make things more effective while still being critical and entertaining.

 

I’ve already lined up some stories for the next couple, but because this is brand new I wanted to get something done on it, and I haven’t had the chance to read it yet so I’m going into this with nothing other than the knowledge that it’s called ‘Yu-Gi-Oh! Spirit Caller Genesis’.  A slightly generic title I guess, given the whole Spirit Caller/Duel Academy connection, but we’ll give it a fair shot.

 

Often times Duel Academy Fan-Fictions tend to be very generic as a whole as people try to recreate the magic and the atmosphere the GX established, but as much as I was a fan of GX, once this prelude ends I’m going into this with a totally non-biased attitude.

 

So let’s jump in!

 

Episode 2: Oh Joy...Back to Duel Academy...

 

[spoiler=Yu-Gi-Oh! Spirit Caller Genesis, Chapter 1]

 

It was already a week since Kaito Uriamuzu took his entrance exam in order to attend Northwest Academy. Northwest was a top prestigious school that accepted students regardless of background. What they really cared about was talent, which you have or you don't.

 

[I don’t like the way this was worded at all.  In my personal opinion it’s a poor hook that’s often overused, but overlooking that, a lot of it just doesn’t sound right.  ‘What they really cared about what talent, which you have or you don’t’ sounds as though you’re talking to the reader at the same time as you’re telling the story.  This wouldn’t seem so out of place if you hadn’t been using a different frame of reference just two sentences earlier.  If you’re going to say it as though you’re talking to the reader, I find it best to stick with that, as opposed to going back and forth between tense.]

 

Kaito was from a small island known as Angelcrest, owned by a large and notorious goods manufacturing company.

 

[Well of course.  Because the small and not-so-notorious companies aren’t ruthless enough to own an island.]

 

Smothered by pollution from the factories, many of the people were sick and often died of disease.

 

[That’s somewhat extreme, no? Is there no government or law enforcement on this island? No one realizes that they’re KILLING people, although indirectly?  I’m not sure this is something that people would just be ‘okay’ with.  After all, why would you move to the island if everyone was dying from poison in the air?  Good luck finding a real estate agent that would take that task on.]

 

Kaito's one true goal, is to become a professional duelist and raise money to do something for his homeland. However, good intentions will not get you into Northwest. Transportation to Northwest is free, as many talent agents go all over the world in search of talented students, but in order to be accepted, you must pass the "Trial Exam". The Trial Exam gives 1 week for potential students to gather cards by any means necessary from school grounds to make a deck in which then, they will take their entrance exam and duel for their admission.

 

[You’re doing it again.  ‘Kaito’s goal is’, and then going back to telling the story.  You’re switching between tense again and it’s detracting from the story.  Perhaps something along the lines of ‘Kaito’s goal was to become a professional duelist’, etc.  You could probably word it better than I did but when you go back and forth between tense like that, although it may not seem like it matters that much, it affects the overall storytelling.]

 

Though you can try every year, no amount of money or connections can get you in. It only took Kaito one try, for he knew the stakes were too high. Having lost his mother to illness and his father to the sea, Kaito was raised in an orphanage at a young age. He promised to one day come home with the means of fulfilling the hopes of a better future for everyone. Seniority meant nothing in Northwest, a 1st year student could easily climb the ranks and become a Pro-duelist before a 3rd year. Again, the key word is Talent.

 

[Still doing it, but at this point I’ve made my opinions known on that.  I honestly don’t like how generic this seems.  Writing-wise, you’re fine aside from the grammatical issues, but like ‘his parents are gone, he’s poor, etc.’ is such an overused story.  And if you were using that as simply a backdrop and were going to go into it more, I guess I could excuse it, but I don’t get the feeling that you’re going to reference his parents or his homeland much more unless it’s a means for him to get up and keep fighting or something like that.]

 

Day 5 being a student and Kaito found himself up earlier than usual and decided to leave his dorm early, taking a morning walk around campus. He was a very tall and dark-skinned individual. As per dress code, he wore a red jacket symbolizing his rank. His hair was long and black, but had natural teal-like highlights going down the lower half. Like Angelcrest, Northwest was also located on an island though more mountainous and colder.

[And apparently not some kind of lawless island where poisoning the air and killing the population is totally acceptable.  That’s a plus.]

 

And to make matters worst, it was the winter season, but this didn't bother Kaito. He loved the winter and enjoyed its subtle, frigid winds embrace his face. It was such an enormous difference from Angelcrest where the skies were always dark and the snow was more like ash. Even with such a background, everyone knew Kaito for his carefree attitude and his unusual ability.

[I’m not sure what you were going for here.  You’re talking about the seasons, then you’re going back to describing the island, then you’re talking about Kaito’s personality and talent all in one paragraph.  It’s confusing and you rushed through it so it doesn’t really pack any sort of a punch.  You’re outright trying to use a lot of descriptive words to the point where it almost seems forced.  Try toning it down a little.]

 

From the deck box on his hip, sounds could be heard. As he opened it, a small, blue, furry creature with a ghostly tail wearing a green hat emerged. This was Soul Kuriboh, a duel monster spirit. Though no one believes him, he is one of the few people in the world who has the ability to properly communicate and understand duel spirits.

 

[Oh COME ON, SERIOUSLY? He’s a student at a Duel Academy with a KURIBOH that communicates with him through some exclusive network of a limited amount of people that can talk to these spirits? It’s literally Jaden with less healthy lungs thanks to the whole ‘let’s poison everyone’ thing.]

 

 "Haha, I see you also wanted some fresh air huh?" Kaito responded. Soul Kuriboh happily circled around Kaito in excitement as they continued their walk. He still had another 2 hours before class started so he decided to get to know where everything was. From his dorm, to the art department, to the duel stadiums, he became much more knowledgeable of where everything was. Suddenly he found himself in Yellow territory, and was greeted by another student.

 

"Well well, what's a Red Jacket doing way out here...?" He said. A student's rank depended on what color jacket they wore: Red, Yellow, Blue, and White, in order from lowest to highest. Your placement depended on how well you maintained your life points during the entrance exam. Red being you pass with 1000 or less, and white being you passed with 4000 or over.

 

"I'm just going out for a walk I guess?" Though Kaito has a lost expression on his face, Soul Kuriboh angrily huffing and puffing all over the place.

 

[This whole exchange was bad.  Not trying to be rude or anything, but it was really, really bad.  You tried to build up a moment of some kind of antagonist appearing and then decided to info-stack us with the qualifications to get into the academy.  There would have been such a better way to go about that, even though it still feels like a blatant rip-off of GX, even from Chazz’s first appearance.]

 

It sensed ill-intent from the person who stood before him. Noticing this, Kaito thought it would be best to simply leave. "But if it bothers you that much, I can just go..." When he turned around, he found himself surrounded by a couple of other Yellow Jacket students.

 

"Sorry Red but I can't just let you leave. I guess you didn't know that Reds aren't welcomed in Yellow territory? I'll be glad to teach you a few rules." The spiky black-haired individual pulled out a duel disk. It seemed the only way to leave was defeat him if not everyone else as well.

 

"Ha! If it's a duel you want, you got it! Mind if I get your name?" Kaito anxiously pulled his duel disk from his school bag and placed his deck inside.

 

"Tamashi! And when I'm done with you, make sure you tell all your Red friends that I'm here to whip you drop-outs into shape!" He replied releasing an arrogant laugh. Commencing the duel as their duel disks unfolded out, they drew their opening hands.

 

[Well of course his laugh is arrogant.  That’s what generic villains would do.  Somehow I get the sense that Kaito’s going to win this one because of Kuriboh urging him to keep fighting.  Or something.]

 

---

 

"Ladies first!" Kaito said with a smile.  With his cards in hand, he felt as victory was within his grasp.

 

[CLEVER~  He’s a male and he called him a female so therefore he insulted his pride.  This is probably going to visibly frustrate Chazz. Tamashi.]

 

Tamashi's arrogant demeanor vanished, as he became slightly more serious. "Very funny!" All he could think about was defeating Kaito and 'putting him in his place'. "I'll start by summoning Goblin Fire!" A small green goblin with a small pony-tail of flames emerged to the field wielding a wooden club (ATK 100). "Then I'll end my turn!"

 

[The monster only has 100 ATK points.  Clearly it’s terrible and doesn’t have any effects that the hero might run into!  He must be underestimating him because he’s a Slifer Slacker Red!]

 

"Yep, he's underestimating me." Kaito thought to himself as he drew his card. "I'll rise to the top one day, and when I do, that is the moment I'll become king!" He exclaimed. Chances of getting into the Pro-Circuit were pretty slim even for the White Jackets. And to claim to become the King, the greatest Duelist in the world, was something no one took very lightly.

 

[My first ordinance as King would be to tone down the poisonous air in the island.  That’s harsh.]

 

"Here we go! I'll start by activating Dark Bargain! This lets me draw a card, but forces me to send 1 monster from hand to the graveyard! And the card I'm sending is Pleading Fusionist!" After drawing, a dark and ghastly hand appeared from his deck and sent the card to his graveyard. Kaito smiled for the card he drew was none other than Soul Kuriboh. "Oh it's you! Well I'm not done yet! When Pleading Fusionist is sent to the Graveyard, she let's me add one 'Fusion' card from my deck to my hand! I choose Voltage Fusion." As Voltage Fusion is added to his hand, Kuriboh jumped for joy. "Hehe, Okay fine."

 

[It’s like you’re doing this purposely to get me to react.  He has a Kuriboh and uses Fusion cards? Did you just start watching re-runs of GX and get inspired to see it continue?]

 

 

Tamashi and his goons were shocked at how well he was doing. "He's not bad, but no matter what, he won't get past my awesome combo. I'll survive this round, and then make my comeback!" Though slightly frightened, these were Tamashi's thoughts.

 

[Shocked? How? He hasn’t done anything yet! He drew a card and searched something.  Why is that grounds to be shocked?]

 

"I'll continue by summoning Soul Kuriboh!" Spiraling forth, Kuriboh emerged with glee ready to fight (ATK 300). "Then I'll activate his effect! If there's a Light type monster in my graveyard, I can inflict 800 points of damage to you!" A crying blue-hair child wearing a red robe and scarf appeared beside Kuriboh, this was the image of Pleading Fusionist. The ghostly image then took the form of a ball of energy which Kuriboh hurled towards Tamashi, reducing his life points by 800 points (Tamashi: 3200 LP).

 

Tamashi flinched as he was slightly pushed back. Though no real damage could be felt from the holograms, the following side effects were always surprisingly realistic and did carry quite a punch. "Is that all? Looks like I'll still make it out with at least 2500 life points..."

 

[Of course that’s not all.  When you ask if that’s all, it almost ALWAYS means there’s more to come.  I feel like if these villains would learn, they’d probably be able to pose more of a threat.]

 

"Wrong! This is the final turn!" Kaito replied. Everyone was in shock, but Kaito wanted to make it perfectly clear that the words he spoke of earlier held their weight. To become the King and help Angelcrest, this was his one and only dream. "I activate Voltage Fusion! This allows me fuse two monsters on the field or in my hand! I'm fusing Soul Kuriboh on my field and Antlers from my hand."  A large insect with a deer like body and ant-like anatomy appeared on the field as both it and Kuriboh merged together. "Fusion Summon! Kuribeetle!" A brown, larger fluffy creature with 6 insect-like wings with a horn and mandibles appeared on the field (ATK 2200). "Kuribeetle attacks Goblin Fire! Scissor Crush!" Using its mandibles with great force, Kuribeetle crushed and destroyed Goblin Fire reducing Tamashi's life points even further (Tamashi: 1100 LP).

 

[This is just too much.  I just...I’m seriously trying to get into this but from a story perspective, man...]

 

"S-So what! I'm still here!" Tamashi gritted his teeth. He was already down to a fourth of his life points having not inflicted a single point of damage, this was an embarrassment.

 

[No he’s not! Flame Wingman Kuribeetle is going to have some kind of effect that burns away the rest of his Life Points in embarrassing fashion!]

 

"No way! Hey man, I thought you said this Tamashi guy was good!?" Tamashi's friends could be heard murmuring in the background. This was not only embarrassing, but a serious problem. If a underclassmen is defeated by an upperclassmen, then there's no problem. However if an upperclassmen is defeated by underclassmen having at least 2 or 3 witnesses to vouch, then the loser is demoted and the winner is promoted.

 

[Why wasn’t this established beforehand? The duel feels generic as it is, but if you had at least built up to the possibility of Kaito getting a promotion (which feels way too early if you ask me), it would have made the duel a little more suspenseful.]

 

"H-Hey! Come on, there's nothing else you can do! Just end your turn already!" Tamashi yelled.

 

"Did you not hear me the first time? I said this was the final turn, I activate Kuribeetle's effect! By banishing Kuribeetle, I can special summon its fusion materials in my graveyard!" Kuribeetle vanished from the field, and Soul Kuriboh and Antlers (ATK 1700) returned in it's place. "I think you can see where this is going right?"

 

Tamashi fell to his knees "N-No, wait, can't we work some-"

 

[Sorry Tamashi.  You should’ve seen this one coming.  I did.  I’m pretty sure Hellen Keller did, too.]

 

"Antlers, Direct attack!" Kaito interjected. "This is the power of a King!" Rushing towards him, the insect rammed and trampled over Tamashi and wiped out the remainder of his life points (Tamashi: 0 LP).

 

---

 

[Just minutes ago Kaito was all nervous and kind of intimidated by this guy, but all of the sudden he’s an arrogant ‘King’?  I don’t like that transition at all, even if he is a Mary Sue and a half.]

 

"Woah he actually lost?! Let's get out of here, what a loser..." Though they stung, these were the words of his so-called friends, but it was quite obvious to everyone there was actually no such relationship. "Don't worry about us telling anyone Tamashi, though you definitely deserve to be demoted, you'd ruin the Yellow's reputation..." one replied. They both angrily left him behind.

 

"Never underestimate your opponent! Right Soul Kuriboh?" Kaito smiled as Kuriboh nodded in agreement. Triumphant, Kaito proceeded to walk away as well. Suddenly, Kuriboh flinched and cried out in pain. "Huh? Kuriboh what's wrong!?" The spirit abruptly returned to its card.

 

While he continued to try and communicate with Kuriboh, Tamashi rose from the ground in a silent rage. "Me? Defeated by that weirdo? No, I don't think so! No matter what, I'll defeat that high and mighty bastard Toshiro!"

 

Hearing and recognizing the name 'Toshiro', Kaito turned around only to be attacked by Tamashi with a nearby tree branch. Successfully knocking him out, Tamashi proceeded to take Kaito's deck. "With this, there's no way Toshiro will be able to ignore me now...!" Breathing heavily, it was almost as if Tamashi had lost all reason. It appeared losing the duel had an effect on him mentally. He laughed maniacally, running towards the school building.

 

[This whole thing...what? It happened way too fast.  How did he knock him out with a tree branch? WTF? I don’t understand that at all.  And of course he took Kuriboh and everything with him.  But man, I’m getting this whole GX vibe worse and worse and it’s really, really taking me out of the story.]

 

Soon after, a robed man in what looked like a detective's attire came across Kaito's body. Ignoring him completely, he looked around as if he was searching for something else. "S***... I could of sworn it was here...! I was sure I felt the presence of a spirit..." from his pocket, he pulled out an ominous Xyz monster, shrouded in a fiery, purple aura. "Soon my friend, it'll be feeding time..."

 

[Again, the hook at the end was decent at best, but you rushed through so much content in that last section that none of it had a chance to sink in.][/spoiler]

 

Ah, well, when you put it like that it makes it all seem horrendous... I'll admit I'm bad with introductions/First Chapters, I tried explaining a few points to Matt. And then tried showing them in later chapters but... okay. Nevertheless, I'll see this story to the end. There will a lot of cliche things to come in this story, and I know it'll probably push people away. But overall, this is something I just wanna have fun with. I see there are a lot of things I need to work on, but I'll keep these points in mind and just keep going. Thanks for the review Neo.

[Synchronized]

It's not horrendous - that wasn't the point I was trying to convey.  As a writer, you have tons of potential and you're far beyond where I was when I started writing seven years ago.  It takes time, patience, and a lot of critique but that's one of the positives about writing a Creative Writing story is you set your own pace and you set your own world and you pretty much have the freedom to do anything.

 

The problem with the cliche stuff isn't so much it being there, but you have to combine it with other things as well - you have to be able to make the story intriguing while also having some of those "predictable, but effective" moments.  If you ever need some help or someone to bounce ideas off of, I'm more than happy to help.  Shoot me a PM at any time and I'll do that. :)

 

I plan on keeping up with this and featuring additional reviews, too, so I'm not going anywhere.

 

I know it's a bit of a cheap plug, but if you'd like, check out my story [Accel, the one on the front page with barely any comments :D], and let me know what you think! I'd like to get some readers of my own and stuff like that can really boost the overall activity of the section.  Cheers.

[asterr259]

This chapter is waaaaaayyyyyy longer than I wanted to be. But I wanted this to be one whole chapter, this is where it all begins.

 

EDIT: Whoops, forgot several cards in the Card Descriptions. Next Chapter probably tomorrow.

 

[spoiler=Chapter 4: Darkness Falls]The Last class of the day was over, and Kaito was in his seat packing up. Earlier Hyohime called him a "club-mate", even though he was pretty much forced to join. Because it was already irresponsible for him to sign-up without knowing anything about it in the first place, he decided to go back and at least learn about it. But before that, he saw Zhao and Hyohime once again in what appeared to be another argument.

"Like I said! Apologize for throwing that book at me earlier." Zhao rubbed his head making sure the letters imprinted on his head were gone. "Those marks lasted all period..."

"Fine! Stop crying you big baby! I apologize... Even though it's your fault, stop bothering people and maybe I won't have to! Now if you'll excuse me I'm busy!" Hyohime walked away furious.

Zhao groaned. "Women... I just don't understand..." He then noticed Kaito. "Oh hey there rival! On your way to that secret club...? Oh and before I forget, are you into stuffed animals?"

"Stuffed animals...? No, why...?" Kaito looked at him in confusion. "Where did he even get such an idea...?" He thought.

"Huh? But I saw you with one in class... Listen I don't judge bro! I just have a sister who's into that stuff so-" Interrupting him was Zhao's own cellphone. "Uh oh, I gotta take this! A-Anyway, see you tomorrow 'kay?! Bye!" Answering his phone he left in a hurry. It looked as if he was late for a prior engagement. Even though Kaito would like to think of Zhao as a friend, the conversions they have seemed so one-sided. He didn't think too much about it and continued to the club room. On his way there, he was greeted by Flip and Kuriboh.

"So you're going back to that room...?!" Asked Flip. He didn't seem to like the idea, maybe even scared by it.

Kaito shrugged. "Yeah, might as well hear them out right?"

Flip's tone and attitude suddenly changed. "Hm, Well indeed. However Young Master, me and the fuzzball have been thinking you should stay alert, and be wary of that room. I'm sure you felt it too..." He and Kuriboh then returned to Kaito's deck box. Usually Flip was all about melodramatic jokes, but for him to be a little serious was new. He took their words to heart because they were true. The club room was full of what felt like, to Kaito, "high amounts of spiritual mojo". He originally thought it was just the ominous atmosphere, but the room makes him feel more uneasy that just that. Slowly but surely, he turned down the dark hallway and cautiously opened the door to the clubroom.

In the room, Asuka was reading a book while comfortably sitting on a couch. "Welcome back..." She said in a gentle voice, barely even looking up. You could tell by her expression that she wasn't surprised, almost like he always knew he'd comeback for certain. "Hyohime, hasn't come yet, think she got lost?" She smiled lightly in her attempt to strike up a conversation.

"You don't look surprised that I came..." He replied, putting down his stuff and taking a seat in front of her.

She closed her book and placed it on the coffee table, and gave him her undivided attention. "I knew you would, I could feel it. Kaito, you're kind." She looked into his eyes when she said those words with sincerity. Kaito became fidgety as he wasn't sure how to respond. "Though I think it might be too sudden to go into full detail, as I promised, I'll explain the Shamans Club."

Before she could continue, another student entered the room, slamming the door rather roughly. He was lean yet muscular, a hooded Blue student. "Asuka, we have problems. Meet me in the back room, now." He rushed over and entered, waiting for her to accompany him.

Asuka sighed. "Ugh, excuse his rudeness. That would be Caesar Sohachi, another member. Excuse me, but please give me a minute." She arose and walked in as well. Now that he thought about, the most suspicious thing about this club was that backroom. In any normal classroom, that room would probably be a lab room for science lectures and experiments.

Running inside, Hyohime also came into the club. "Kaito? So you did come!" She was happy to see his face, but was frantically looking for someone else. "Where's Asuka...?"

"In the backroom, talking to some dude named Caesar?" He replied.

"Ah, then they must be talking about 'it'..." She took a seat next to him tired and out of breath.

"What is 'it'...? Did something happen...?" There were too many questions and the answers weren't coming fast enough, it felt like secrets were everywhere.

"Ah, well..." Before Hyohime could finish, Soul Kuriboh happily appeared and circled around her, dancing. Suddenly her face went pale, like she had a chill go down her spine. "D-Do you feel something...?"

Kaito swatted the air trying to get Kuriboh to disappear. He figured his presence was having an effect on her. "U-Uhm! Must be a draft! One second, I see a mosquito!"

"Oh I see, thank you..." She smiled a bit and allowed him to help her. Kuriboh pouted and disappeared, feeling insulted about being called something like a mosquito.

Tired, Kaito sighed and tried to continue talking to Hyohime. "...So as you were-" Just then, Caesar and Asuka came back.

Asuka now seemed distraught and worried about something. "Ah, Hyohime, so we're all here. Sorry again, but could you leave Kaito? We have another serious discussion among senior members... I'm sorry I-"

While she was talking, Kaito had already gotten his stuff and started walking out. "Look, you invite me, but keep kicking me out. You say you'll explain things to me, but seem to never get around to it. This club is weird and suspicious, so if YOU don't mind, I'll be taking my leave. I want no part in your weird spirit cult or whatever you guys do..." Frustrated, he took his leave.

Caesar sighed. "I thought we agreed to be more straight forward with him? Among us all, he probably has the highest Spiritual Aptitude. That's not something you can get with just a year or two of communicating with spirits, surely he'd understand...!"

Asuka held her face in her hand. "I know, I know but... This is a delicate and serious situation. We can't afford to scare him off... but it seems we did something pretty close to it anyway."

"Hmph, you waited 3 weeks to fully recruit this Hyohime girl, but now we don't have that kind of time. They're here and they're moving..." Caesar quietly left.

With much on her mind, Asuka took a seat, seemingly stressed. "We'll just have to continue to observe from afar. Hyohime, keep a SHARP eye on him okay...?" Hyohime nodded in response, leaving to follow Kaito.

On his way back to the dorm, something behind the school building's back corner, caught his eye. A flock of student were huddled around what looked like a crime scene. Though it didn't have anything to do with him, Kaito checked to see what was going on. Several officers with campus security were seen carrying another ill-looking, if not dead, officer, along with Toki and Mr. Kyoji. While everyone else was far away, silently talking and gossiping among themselves, Kaito got closer and listened carefully.

"Damn it. What the hell happened here. Murphy was fit as a fiddle when he left the department last night. Talk to me Teruchi..." Mr. Kyoji seemed more stressed and pretty upset.

Looking for clues on the ground, Toki was observing the scene. "He's alive, but out cold, maybe even comatose. The nurse will have a better look at him, and give him a proper diagnosis- I'm no doctor. It's hard to say right now, but his body's been here for hours, probably SINCE last night... We'll need more information from security cameras, but... From all that I gathered, it appears Murphy left the department as you said, but ran all the way back here for something..."

Kyoji stroked his chin. "Like what...?"

"Probably saw a student doing something they weren't suppose to...? Maybe skipping curfew." Putting on his gloves, Toki picked up a duel disk which was burned, broken, and destroyed. "Whoever he saw, he challenged them to a duel and someone used what I want to call, a Duel Anchor, but these symptoms are more that of a Deathmatch Rope..."

A Duel Anchor is an advanced piece of technology which stops a person from running away from a duel by linking their duel disks together, allowing no one to leave until there is a victor, or unless the owner disconnects it themselves. Only Mr. Kyoji himself, and Chancellor Bane, are known to have one on campus. However, a Deathmatch Rope is different. Although low-tech, it functions almost the same way, except the loser of that duel, has their duel disk destroyed. Deathmatch Ropes are illegal in almost every country due to the severity of what it could do to a person physically after detonation, however they're still sold in illegal trades and black markets.

"As you can see from his burnt arm, he lost and the perp got away." Toki continued.

Mr. Kyoji stopped him. "Hold on Teruchi, you make it sound as if Murphy would have one of those damned contraptions..." His tone got more hostile.

Toki got nervous, he knew if he wanted to keep his job, the next words out of his mouth had to be well thought out. "F-F-Forgive me sir, but... it's just my job as a detective to include all possible variables until proven otherwise..." After explaining a bit, Kyoji seemed to become less tense, so Toki relaxed and continued "The perp chose a nice spot, this is actually one of the school's blind spots... Even if we do get some tapes, they won't show what even happened here. We'll have to investigate a little further and wait for Murphy to wake up, then hear his side of the story..."

Exhausted, Mr. Kyoji held his face and nodded in response. Looking up, he noticed the students still hanging around. "What the-? Someone get these damned kids outta here! This isn't a musical! Do I have to get Bane from his busy schedule to help me!?"

Scared silly, the officers standing by got to work immediately, however the students evacuated themselves, including Kaito who was bolting for his dorm.

"S-Sir, you seem pretty tired. Why don't you go to your place and check on Chisano." Toki suggested hesitantly.

Kyoji glared at Toki with eyes like daggers, but then started shaking his head. "... Maybe you're right... but answer me one more question... Do you think this is Tamashi's doing...?"

Toki nodded. "It has to be sir..." The night after Tamashi was taken to the campus detention ward, meant as a temporary jail, he somehow escaped under the watch of another officer, by passing all cameras. Believing he's hiding somewhere out in the woods, dozens of officers are still on the search for him. Though no one outside of campus security knows of this event.

"I want every PEBBLE flipped over and checked until they find him..." Walking away and leaving the scene, Kyoji could only calm down by lighting a cigarette.

Later that evening in his room, Kaito was both doing his homework and still working on his deck with Kuriboh and Flip. "Hm, didn't know Joey Wheeler was an Aquarius... that's surely gonna be on the exam." Kaito said, flipping through his book. Using what he was learning through his books, he striving to learn something about deck construction and card combinations. However, he saw little to no value in learning Joey Wheeler's zodiac sign.

"What if... you actually made me the center focus of your deck!! Genius right!?!" It was bad enough Kaito had to take out a few of his favorite cards to fit Flip into his deck, but now he was pushing it.

"No..." Kaito gave a quick and simple answer that he didn't even have to think about, much to Flip's dismay. Throwing his history book any old place, he grabbed his deck box and pulled out Starlight the Dragonblade.

"Whoa... that card... it's..." Flip was at a loss for words. Kaito already knew that inside Starlight's card harbored a powerful spirit, however it has never once spoken to him.

"Starlight... Why don't you acknowledge me as your partner...?" These past few years, all Kaito could think about was using this card to it's fullest potential, but, he's still not sure how to do that. When he was younger, Kaito only dueled as a pass time, but the more he played, the more into it he got. And once Toshiro and Haruki found a way to get away, he figured why couldn't he as well. Using Starlight, the memento he received from Toshiro, he constructed a deck and honed his skills, hoping that the boat to Northwest would one day return. "Do you hate me...?" He stared deeply into the card, thinking that maybe he should stop trying to use it. His dream of using Starlight to become a professional duelist, and using his money and power to restore Angelcrest seemed like that's all it would ever be.

Soul Kuriboh, seeing his sadness, made an attempt to comfort him by trying to get him to play with him.

"Aw, who needs that mopey spirit when you've got me and fuzzball! 'Toss out the zeroes, and work with the heroes', sounds like good deck building advice to me!" Flip laughed in an hardy manner.

Noticing their efforts, Kaito figured with these 2 spirits at his side, he could do it. However he wasn't giving up on Starlight, even if it won't communicate with him, he figured he could still learn to master it's ability. He smiled and returned the card to his deck. "You guys are right, we'll continue to grow and become the King together!" For a few more hours, the three continued to laugh and joke, and come up with deck strategies together.

"Hmmm, you wouldn't happen to have an Elemental Hero Neos on you would you!?" Flip looked through his collection.

"What?! Neos? They only made a few of those cards in the world. No way I'd have one..." Looking at the time, Kaito started putting up his cards.

"W-What...!? Hm, I guess you really aren't Jaden Yuki then..." Flip turned away in disappointment.

"...You were still thinking that...?" Kaito sighed, thinking he might as well change his name, but then they both laughed it off. Holding Kuriboh is his lap, he found it nice how they were getting along. It was sudden development, which he seemed to always have since he got here, but everything was working out. Kaito looked out the window and suddenly his pleasant smile became one of complete fear. A giant spider-like slime creature was staring at him through the window. "G-Guys... Is someone dueling outside...?" Frightened, no a sound was uttered, and not a move was made for several minutes. The Creature then rammed through the window, directing it's attention at Kaito. This was no hologram, the creature was real, and so was the situation.

Grabbing his deck box, Kaito then proceeded to leave the room as quickly as he could, with the creature in pursuit. "What the hell is that!?" He yelled. His room was on the second floor of a three-floor building, and though there was a monster chasing him, it didn't seem to bother any of the other residents.

"Odd, it looks like a Shadow Ghoul...!" Said Flip. "Nevermind what it is, keep running, and don't stop running until you lose it!" He vanished with Kuriboh after still leaving Kaito with more questions than answers.

"Oh yeah! AWESOME advice!" He frantically managed to get outside the dorm when he was suddenly grabbed by someone from behind. It was Hyohime, slowly and quietly taking him behind the dorm out of sight from what was chasing him. Covering his mouth so he'd remain quiet, she gradually led him to the nearby woods in order to lose the strange monster.

Taking his hand, she ran as fast as she possibly could. They could still hear the roars and cries of the beast, though far behind them. "Sorry! I'm Sorry!" Her face was red as a cherry. Though their minds were focused two totally different things, she couldn't bear to tell him that she was "observing" him for two and a half hours.

"Sorry for what?! You're saving my life! But still, where are we going?!" He asked. Looking ahead past the trees, he could see the harbor. The docks were home to many warehouses, making it a decent place to hide. Some of them were even empty and unlocked.

Luckily the very first one they ran to was open. It was full of large empty crates, seemingly being there for years, which they hid behind. Trying to stay as quiet as they possible could, they could still hear the footsteps of the creature. Kaito was stricken with discomposure, never has he had such a terrifying experience such as being chased by a monster that could physically destroy things. He's seen very terrifying spirits before, but this was different. As the sounds got further and further, he eventually calmed down and started to get a better grip of what was happening and tried to think of what to do. Looking up at Hyohime, he noticed she was shaking like a rattle and almost seemed in shock. She was more frightened than he was, yet still drew the strength and courage to save him somehow.

"Hey, Hyo..." He whispered. "Hyohime!"

"O-Oh..." She came around after hearing his voice, and eventually calmed down as well. "I'm okay, I'm okay... I think we lost it..."

From the ceiling, the foot steps of the creature could be heard. It seems it was still looking for them. They thought if they remained quiet it would leave again, but the creature coincidentally fell through, probably given its weight. The reason the warehouse was empty was because it was older and rusted. It was probably scheduled to be torn down and replaced.

"Seriously!?" Hyohime cried out. "Well this is a good as place as any...!" She quickly pulled out her duel disk and approached it.

"What? Hyohime, wait!" He had no idea what she was trying to do, but he tried to stop her.

Almost like it was in fear of them, the monster backed away a bit, and hissed. "H-Hungry..." It cried. It appears to be capable of speech, but its voice was inhuman and demonic. From its back, a sharp tendril came and tried to attack Hyohime. "HUNGRY!"

In that moment she froze, and without thinking, Kaito's body moved on its own. It was a silent moment, as Kaito used his own body to shield Hyohime. He looked down at Hyohime and smiled a little, noticing she was unharmed. "Well... It looks like your attempt to save me was... for nothing..." She teared up as she saw the location of the tendril, piercing through his chest. As his knees shook as he tried to remain standing, a tiny light came from his deck. The light became brighter and brighter, as it burned and erased the monster's extension completely.

Kaito fell over, holding his chest. Though there was pain, to everyone's surprise there was no wound, only a dark vapor rising from where it should be. "A-Are you okay!?" Hyo cried out.

"I'm... fine...?" Though it periodically stung like salt and alcohol in an open wound, he was perfectly fine.

"Just stay here, I-I can handle it!" She turned away and activated her duel disk. The creature created another tentacle but before it could hit, she played a card. "I activate the Field Spell, Pandora Field!!!" A red fog-like barrier encased the warehouse. The tentacle swatted and injured Hyohime. Though seeming much weaker, a rather bad-looking wound was inflicted to her right leg.

"Hyo!" Kaito got up and ran over to her. She had took off her jacket and wrapped it around her leg to stop the bleeding. The creature began shrieking and crying out in pain, as black puss spewed from its body in all directions.

"I'm fine, it's not as bad as it looks, b-but listen! That thing isn't dead yet. I can't- I can't duel like this so I need you to take my place!" She removed the duel disk, and handed it to him for a quick switch. "I-I'll explain everything later... I promise this time..." She suddenly seemed to be slipping out of consciousness. As usual, he didn't know what was going on, but this time he had to just go with it. He took off his jacket and used it as support she could rest on.

From the monster, a body dropped out from under it, to Kaito's surprise. Attached to it were several cords like they were linked together. The creature began shifting and changing it's structure, almost less monster-like in order to lift and support the human body. As the head of the body was lifted up, it was none other than Tamashi.

"...T-Tamashi!? Hey, can you hear me...!?" Kaito asked. His eyes were open, but he looked unconscious.

"H-Hungry..." It cried again, talking wasn't getting anyone anywhere. Slime encased Tamashi's left arm as it formed and created a duel disk. It looked like Hyo was right, he had to duel it. He figure maybe if he won everything would go back to normal. The Field Spell that Hyohime played seemed to be keeping it weak.

Vapor was still rising from his chest and causing him slight pain, but he was in a much better position to duel than Hyohime. "Damn you. You've been causing me nothing, but trouble all week... Hopefully this will be our last duel..." Kaito smirked and placed his deck inside, and the monster used Tamashi as a puppet to activate his.

His spirits appeared to his side. "Still have energy to joke in this situation I see? Surprised you didn't run. I would have, that thing is ugly!" Flip scratched his head at his decision, and Kuriboh hissed at the abominable creature.

Kaito laughed a bit. His chest seemed to be getting a little worst. "Shut up and help me win... Feels like I'm always dueling injured."

Flip stared at his chest and noticed his condition deteriorate. The vapor was being emitted at faster rate than earlier. "Young Master, though I'm not sure what's exactly happening to your body, I believe your condition will improve when you win."

"Hehe, 'when I win'...? You sound so sure..." Kaito said with sarcasm. Though he said that, he rather not think of what would happen if he did lose.

"You're not Jaden Yuki, but the next King right? Remember you're not alone, and you'll win. It's that simple..." Flip disappeared. Kuriboh nodded and danced around, disappearing soon after.
 

-----

Kaito drew his cards. "Hey ugly, I'm going first... Problem?"

Attaching a cord to Tamashi's throat, the monster began speaking through his voice. "Ofi- bimeju- conuegetver -th..." It sounded a lot better than it did earlier, but the sentences were broken and sounded like complete gibberish. Nevertheless, it drew its opening hand, pulling cards from it's duel disk of harden slime- all doing so through Tamashi.

Currently the only card face-up on the field was Pandora Field, a card he's never even heard of before. But if he wanted to win, he had no choice but to try to use it's effects. "I'll take that as a yes! I summon Massive Rock Golem!" From the ground, a large creature of mud and rock, carrying a large boulder, appeared on his side of the field (1600 ATK). "Then I activate the effect of Overlay Dove from my hand! If I control a monster with 1500 hundred or more attack points, I can special summon it!" A large white dove with long scrolls of red ribbon wrapped around its legs appeared next to his golem (1600 ATK). "I'll end my turn with that..."

"Analysis of this human's brain complete. Starting turn, Main Phase 1..." Now with its broken, demonic gibberish no longer gibberish, Kaito figured that it was just going to get smarter and smarter. "Activating the effect of Tengu Trident from hand. 'Send 1 other DARK monster from your hand to the Graveyard; then Special Summon this card from your hand'..." Tamashi discarded 1 monster, then summoned a masked, bird-man creature wielding a golden trident (700 ATK). "Activating effect of Pandora Field, 'Once per turn: Players can Special Summon up to 2 monsters with the same Level or Attribute from their hand. They cannot attack, also their effects are negated'..."

"Both Players...? Crap!" Kaito didn't see that part. Nevertheless he felt what he did was right, he had a plan.

"Summoning Grim Dragon Lancer and Lizardmalice the Hammer..." On one side was a caped, black dragon with a red lance (1200 ATK) and on the other side was a black lizard-man with a large, green hammer (600 ATK). "Overlay level 3 Tengu Trident, Grim Dragon Lancer, and Lizardmalice the Hammer. Xyz Summon..." The 3 monsters joined their weapons together as they merged together in a dark spiral of light. "Archfiend Regalia - Nightshroud." An enormous, black demon with gold horns and claws arose from the vortex below. With purple flames around almost every joint of its body, it stared down Kaito and his monsters (1300 ATK).

Kaito's chest began causing him more pain, though he endured. "Heh, nice try but you're still the ugliest thing in the room... Do your worst..." The great monster before him only had 1300 attack points, so he figure it'd have an effect that could make it stronger.

Tamashi continued. "Activating effect of Archfiend Regalia - Nightshroud, 'Detach 1 Overlay Unit from this card to target 1 face-up monster your opponent controls. Halve the ATK of the opponent's monster and, until the End Phase, negate its effects. Then card gains 200 ATK times the Level or Rank of that monster'... Target acquired, 'Massive Rock Golem'..."

"W-...What...?" Kaito was surprised. Massive Rock Golem's effect is to, once per turn, not be destroyed in battle, and even if it is, its other effect prevents Kaito from taking damage- the ultimate defense. He wasn't sure if it was knowledge or intuition, but either way he had to find someway to manage. A black lightning then struck down Kaito's monster, destroying the boulder it carried, and bringing the mighty golem to its knees (800 ATK).

Massive Rock Golem was a level 4 monster, meaning the creature's monster gained 800 attack points (2100 ATK). "Nightshroud attacks Golem... Wrath of Archfiend...!" With its roaring purple flames spiraling from its mouth, Kaito's monster was incinerated in an instant. The searing flames eventually reached Kaito as well, burning his shirt, pants, and part of his right arm. "Setting 2 cards, Turn End."

Kaito screamed and fell over in pain (Kaito: 2700 LP). As he feared, just like the creature that's controlling his once-schoolmate, even the monsters themselves were real. He quickly patted out the flames on his clothes, and took a minute to lie there. Part of him wanted to just stay down, part of him wanted to give up, but if he wanted this nightmare to be over, he knew he had to just win the duel.

That was easier said than done, but with the unyielding fire in his heart, he found the strength to get back up. As he arose, the eyes of his monster met his as it looked back at him. Just then, the image of every monster in his deck flashed before his eyes, almost like a vision. He had no idea what had just happened, but it felt as if all his worries up and vanished.

"D- Draw...!" He was still confused, but now he was reassured and positive about one thing, he could win. He looked at the card and smiled. "I guess you were right..." He said to himself. "I summon Neo-spacian Steel Roach!"

The scrawny, roach-like creature known as Flip twirled and spun onto the field, striking an "intimidating" pose (1200 ATK). "Let's do it, to it!" Flip stared up and decided to cast his judgement upon the monstrous demon Nightshroud. "Hmmm... You're pretty ugly... Ready when you are Kaito!"

"L-Let's wreck 'em!" he said flinching. He wasn't sure how long he'd be able to last in his condition, so he acted quickly. "I activate the Spell Card, Support Ritual! This lets me special summon a level 4 or lower monster from my graveyard, as long as you have 1000 or more life points than me! Come back, Massive Rock Golem!" Returning to the field, his golem released a mighty roar (1600 ATK). "N-Not done yet! I activate the effect of Pandora's Field! I special summon the level 1 Hurricane Slicer and Full Supporter!" To his field came a small, green samurai in full-body armor (200 ATK), and a young magician in blue clothing holding a flag (800 DEF).

Flip nodded. "We will never abandon or forsake you... Young Master" He thought to himself. He could feel Kaito's determination to win and the actual trust he was placing in his monsters.

"I overlay Hurricane Slicer and Full Supporter! Xyz Summon!" A small, ghastly knight riding a baby, white ghost-like dragon appeared above Kaito (900 ATK). "Phantom Dragon Rider!" Then looking at his hand and field, Kaito struggled with his next move. He knew what he could do, but didn't know if he should.

"Don't hesitate now. We await your orders..." Flip signaled him a thumbs up. "...'All' of us...!"

Kaito knew exactly what he was referring to - he was ready. "Now, I overlay the Level 4 Overlay Dove and Massive Rock Golem! Xyz Summon! Starlight the Dragon Blade!" With it's mighty blade held high, the luminous dragon knight ascended onto the field (2500 ATK). He realized one of the things he lacked was full faith in his monsters. Using your monsters to fight was not fighting with your monsters. Kaito, step by step, took it upon himself to learn the difference. "I think its time to show 'em my second ace..." Kaito pulled out the last card in his hand.

Flip was puzzled at the last card. "...'Second' Ace...? When did you add something like that...?" He asked.

Slapping the card down, he activated it. "I activate Monster Lineage Extent! By discarding 1 card or by paying 1000 Life Points, I can send 1 of my monsters to the Graveyard and special summon 1 monster with the same Attribute and lists the sent monster from my Deck or Extra Deck, ignoring the requirements to summoning it... Unfortunately, I have no more cards in my hand. Flip its your turn to take the stage..." A blood-colored aura appeared over Kaito, draining his life points, and bringing him down on one knee (Kaito: 1700 LP). His vision had began to fade in and out, he knew he was at his limit.

"Wait what...?" Flip started to glow and float into the air. "You don't mean-... But I thought you-...!?"

From Kaito's Extra Deck, a radiant card emerged. "You said believe in my deck right...? Well I do...- I believe..." He said panting and breathing heavily. "Fusion Summon! Elemental Hero Steel Neos!" Flip's body began to undergo a metamorphosis. His body became masculine and warrior-like, shining with steel armor.

With a great and large sword, Flip crashed back down a new monster (2500 ATK). "It's always been my dream to merge with the great Neos, and though I had missed that chance, you've given me the next best thing! Let's finish it already!"

Without delay, he continued. "Battle! Phantom Dragon Rider's effect activates! If my opponent controls an Xyz monster, it can attack you directly!" The tiny, black warrior drew it's small sword, and charged directly at Tamashi, avoiding his demonic monster.

"I will allow it..." Tamashi said in response. Gently poking him in the arm, the attack appeared to have little to no effect (Possessed Tamashi: 3100 LP). Even if Kaito, somehow miraculously bypassed its traps, the creature would still have life points remaining to conduct a counter attack and most likely win.

"Then will you allow this...? Rider's second effect activates! By removing one overlay unit, I can halve the attack of one of your monsters!" Slashing one of its overlay units, a dark blast was emitted from its white dragon's mouth (ORU 1). Nightshroud cried in pain as its power was drained (1050 ATK). The creature controlling Tamashi hissed.

Kaito smirked. "Afraid now...? Starlight the Dragon Blade attacks Nightshroud!" The holy creature charged at the fiendish monster.

"Activate Trap... Sakuretsu Armor...! 'When an opponent's monster declares an attack, target the attacking monster and destroy that target'..."

"I activate Starlight's special ability! By detaching one overlay unit, I can prevent its destruction!" Covered in a barrier of blue stars, Starlight had successfully cut down Nightshroud (Possessed Tamashi: 1650 LP).

Although the creature had withstood most of the attack, it began to stagger and lose balance, as it began excreting more black puss. Crying and hissing out in pain, it was seemingly dying.

"Flip...!" Kaito commanded. With his heavy blade, he flew up and attempted to deliver the final attack.

"Activate Trap!!! Mirror Force!!!" Protecting Tamashi and the creature, a reflective barrier appeared and began pushing back Flip as he tried to resist it. "...'When an opponent's monster declares an attack, destroy all attack position monsters your opponent controls'...! You lose human...!!" It screamed.

"I activate the effect of Steel Neos! By sending one monster I control to the graveyard, I can negate the effect of 1 spell, trap, or monster card, and destroy it! Rider, give him a hand!" With its body becoming pure energy, Phantom Dragon Rider flew to Flip, transforming into a second sword.

"Oh yeah, this will work just fine Young Master!" Flip smiled as he impaled the barrier with his new sword, shattering it to pieces. Once again, he dashed and lunged at the dying monster. The creature screeched and cried out in an attempt to escape, but before it had the chance, the mighty blade of Steel Neos had already pierced its body (Possessed Tamashi: 0 LP).

-----

The duel was finally over and Tamashi's body had detached and fallen out unharmed, much to Kaito's comfort. Of course he wanted him to pay, but he didn't want him to die. Luckily the creature and everything it produced had started to vanish, and as he looked back to check on Hyohime, he was even more pleased to see that she was okay as well. However when he thought it was finally over and everything was okay, he alarmed to hear a familiar but unpleasant sound. The mysterious dark, vapor was still coming from his chest faster than ever, emitting a loud whistling sound. Engrossed in pain, Kaito fell over as a large, dark blob was fired from his chest. The vapor was gone and so were his chest pains, but his body felt incredibly weak.

From the dark blob, which resembled more like a cocoon or an egg, a small person emerged. As it slowly walked out from the shadows, he was at a loss for words.

It appeared to be a small boy in dark stripped pajamas which greatly resembled a younger version of him. But the exception was that his eyes were black as the night, and pupils were a golden-yellow. He approached Kaito like a beast stalking its prey. "Do you know... how long i've been trapped in there...?" His voice was weak and soft.

Kaito no longer had the strength to move much at all, only watch and listen helplessly from the ground.

The boy knelt over Kaito's face, looking into his eyes with a cold and threatening glare. "I feel-... I feel like... I should kill you..." He suddenly smiled with a sinister look on his face, revealing his sharp fang-like teeth. Lifting up hand with razor sharp nails, he looked like he was about to do it. Kaito could only watch in terror, as even in this situation, his body remained unresponsive.

Hyohime had slowly woken up, disturbed and confused by what she was seeing. "Kaito!?" She cried out loudly.

Then a blinding light emerged from his deck, causing the boy to flee and get away as far as he could. "Even now those three protect you!? Ugh! Very well, I save the joy of killing you for later, when I am stronger..."

Just when Kaito felt as if his heart was about to explode in fear, the spirit of Flip and Kuriboh appeared to protect him.

"Tch, how unsightly... Well at least I did enjoy seeing the fear in your eyes... Oh!!" The boy quickly ran over to Tamashi, almost faster than Kaito's eyes could follow and stole the cards from Tamashi's duel disk before they disappear. "Woah that was too close! Archfiend Regalia - Nightshroud, a wonderful card don't you think!? Though it was used in all the wrong ways... I think I give a much better use...with me..." The boy smiled again looking at Kaito, as the deck vanished in a purple flame from the boy's body. "Well, this has been a nice talk, but I really must be going now. Toodles!" Jumping from the ground, the boy managed to land on the roof of the warehouse through the hole made by the creature controlling Tamashi. "Oh! I almost forgot! Do you wanna know?" He asked peeping from the hole. "I bet you do! My name that is! Its... What was it again...? Hm, I don't remember... Oh well! Try not to die, until I get back to you 'kay!?" As the boy's quick and agile footstep's began to fade away, Kaito lost consciousness, unable to hold on any longer. [/spoiler]

[spoiler=Debut Cards in Chapter 4]

Shadow Ghoul-Tamashi:

Grim Dragon Lancer
Level 3 Dragon-Type DARK [1200/500]
When this card is Special Summoned: You can target 1 Level 3 or lower DARK monster in your Graveyard except "Grim Dragon Sword"; Special Summon that target. When both this card and that target exist in your Graveyard: You can banish another DARK monster from your Graveyard; add that target to your hand.

Tengu Trident
Level 3 Winged-Beast-Type DARK [700/1000]
You can send 1 other DARK monster from your hand to the Graveyard; Special Summon this card from your hand, then all face-up non-Xyz monsters you currently control become Level 3.

Lizardmalice the Hammer
Level 3 Reptile-Type DARK [600/800]
At the start of the Damage Step, if this card battles a non-DARK monster: You can target 1 Level 3 or lower DARK monster in your Graveyard; Special Summon that target. Its effects are negated. You can only use the effect of "Lizardmalice the Hammer" once per turn.

Archfiend Regalia - Nightshroud
Rank 3 Fiend-Type DARK [1300/1300]
3 Level 3 monsters
Once per turn: You can detach 1 Xyz Material from this card to target 1 face-up monster your opponent controls; halve the ATK of the opponent's monster and, until the End Phase, negate its effects effects. This card gains 200 ATK x the Level/Rank of that monster.

 

Kaito:

Massive Rock Golem
Level 4 Rock-Type EARTH [1600/1700]
You take no battle damage from attacks involving this card, and your opponent cannot target face-up monsters for attacks, except this one. Once per turn, this card cannot be destroyed by battle.

Full Supporter
Level 1 Spellcaster-Type WIND [500/800]
Once per turn: You can discard 1 card to target 1 face-up Level 6 or lower monster you control; this card's Level becomes the target's Level. When this card is sent to the Graveyard: Draw 1 card.

Overlay Dove
Level 4 Winged Beast-Type LIGHT [1600/0]
If you control a monster with 1500 or more ATK, you can Special Summon this card (from your hand). When this card is Special Summoned: You can target 1 face-up Spell Card on the field; destroy that target. You can banish this card from your Graveyard, then target 1 Xyz Monster you control; it gains 200 ATK x its Rank.

 

Neo-Spacian Steel Roach
Level 3 Insect-Type EARTH [1200/300]
You can Tribute 1 face-up monster you control to negate the activation of a Effect Monster's effect that destroys a card(s) on the field, and destroy that card.

 

Hurricane Slicer
Level 1 Warrior-Type/Tuner WIND [200/500]
If this card attacks, it cannot be destroyed by battle and is unaffected by other card effects until the end of the Damage Step. When you take Battle Damage while this card is face-up on the field, you can destroy cards in your opponent's Spell & Trap Card Zones for every 1000 points of damage you took.

 

Elemental Hero Steel Neos
Level 7 Warrior-Type/Fusion EARTH [2500/2000]
"Elemental Hero Neos" + "Neo-Spacian Steel Roach"
This card can only be Special Summoned from your Extra Deck by returning the above cards from your side of the field to the Deck. (You do not use "Polymerization".) Once per turn: You can send 1 face-up card you control to the Graveyard; negate the activation of a card or effect that would destroy a card(s) on the field, and if you do, destroy it. During the End Phase: Shuffle this card into the Extra Deck.

 

Pandora Field
Field Spell
Once per turn: Players can Special Summon up to 2 monsters with the same Level or Attribute from their hand. It cannot attack, also its effects are negated. During your End Pase, if you did not Special Summon a monster from your Extra Deck this turn; destroy all monsters you control summoned by this effect.

 

Monster Lineage Extent
Normal Spell
Discard 1 card OR Pay 1000 Life Points: Send 1 face-up monster you control to the Graveyard. Special Summon 1 monster with the same Attribute and lists the sent monster from your Deck OR Extra Deck, ignoring its Summoning conditions. You can only activate the effect of "Monster Lineage Extent" once per turn.
 

[/spoiler]

[Bahamut - Envoy of the End]

Read Chapter 2 yesterday, but didn't reply immediately to it as was in a foul mood which would have warped my comments, so left it til today.

 

I have some issues with it, ranging from minor to major:

 

+Kaito's backstory is fine, and added at the right time (esp given what comes later)

 

-Toki is incredibly dislikeable. I mean, really obnoxious. Who refers to themself like that? Okay that might have been the intention but still. Also saying he was the same guy from the yellow dorms means nothing to Kaito, who was unconcious, and should not be disclosed so blatantly. Similarly lines like 'It then donned on Teruchi that maybe Kaito had what he was searching for' should be his thought process, rather than shown. I've been picked up on this sort of thing and am going to have to make an effort to improve this area to, but that means I know what to look for now when people say 'show not tell'.

 

-New characters introduced; Toshiro and Haruki, who shortly run into Tamashi, having just met Toki. First problem is why do 3/5 of the characters introduced so far have to have such damn similar names? Just isn't neccessary when you can give people any name you want to make them so similar and confusing when reading. My other main problem with your portrayal of this pair of brothers is Toshiro is supposed to be the cool heartless one and Haruki laid back and easy, but when Haruki starts doing slapstick comic relief stuff he involves Toshiro, who breaks character for me in just going with it. If he's half the badass you want him to be I'd prefer you'd have him step off and distance himself from acts like being whacked with a book.

 

-"quote" "Hey now wait a minute! Ante Duels are illegal!" Ante Duels were illegal on campus. "unquote"

 

-Toshiro seems, although cool and distance, at least reasonable and intelligent enough to work out Kaito's situation and what transpired. And so he magnanimously... refuses to let him have the deck back. Initially this made me think "What a jerk. He's just worked Tamashi duelled him with a deck he stole and had no right to wager" and Kaito is weak as hell not to even question the challenge/stipulation made in this manner at all. But this is explained that they're actually duelling because 'they grew up together and Toshiro has changed since then in a vaguely hinted dark way and it's all a big scheme which I'm privy too you're not and I'm just gonna hint at it'. I got (rightly) clobbered for doing this sort of thing in a fic, again its all told and not shown in conversation and thought process (again, I know it's something I need to get better at too, I'm not judging) and it's just...kind of a cliche and bad setup.

 

I'll be honest and say I didn't read the duel part, but I skimmed over enough to see Kaito's real ace 'Starlight' appear as the new trump, and apparently the card Toki has refered to as want he's wanted all along. If that's the case... then Starlight should have appeared in the first chapter imo. However I'm glad that you had Kaito lose at the end. Whatever you do from here, it's going to better than from a situation where he beat the top guy like happens so often in YGO.

 

So, tbh, more negative than positive. I'm sure there is some good stuff that I've unfortunately failed to mention trying to break out, but at the minute there's not enough good coming through for me. :(

[asterr259]

Read Chapter 2 yesterday, but didn't reply immediately to it as was in a foul mood which would have warped my comments, so left it til today.

 

I'll be honest and say I didn't read the duel part, but I skimmed over enough to see Kaito's real ace 'Starlight' appear as the new trump, and apparently the card Toki has refered to as want he's wanted all along. If that's the case... then Starlight should have appeared in the first chapter imo. However I'm glad that you had Kaito lose at the end. Whatever you do from here, it's going to better than from a situation where he beat the top guy like happens so often in YGO.

 

So, tbh, more negative than positive. I'm sure there is some good stuff that I've unfortunately failed to mention trying to break out, but at the minute there's not enough good coming through for me. :(

Hm, well first I'm going to say that the first several chapters are pretty much introductory chapters for characters. Secondly I apologize firstly by giving characters similar names. I'll try to fix this by strictly referring to Toki more as "Detective Toki" or "Detective Teruchi" if I haven't done so already. What I'm hearing the most, at least from you and Neo (and probably from people who just aren't saying anything), is that it's too cliche. I guess that's just going to take better development on my part, though I am trying to get out an original and interesting story which probably won't start til chapter 5 (which is half way done) or 6 if it hasn't already for people who've read Chapter 4.

 

Toki is purposesly made far from likable ofcourse, he's suppose to come off as a whack-job with a scheme. And though I want Toshiro portrayed as "cool and strong", I tried to make it obvious that he lets his brother do things differently that he would never let anyone else do. For now, I'll probably just can this story for awhile, and work on other things like my Grammar. Its probably honestly, cliche stories don't bother me at all, therefore my perception of cliche is off. What does is just loose or dry writing with no meat or detail.