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(OOC: I have no idea whether this is the right place for this, but I know it sure as heck can't go in the CW section proper due to length and whatnot, so I guess it goes here...)

 

 

......

 

 

January 26th

 

Dear Diary,

 

 No matter what I do, everything gets worse. No matter how much I try to pull everything together, it all falls apart again, into even more tiny pieces than before. Everything is just so messed up, and nothing I do, or the Resistance does, changes anything. I need… I need to focus. I need to think. Okay, Aerial said I should try writing everything down to clarify my thoughts and my goals from there; so let’s try this…

 

My frustrations

  1. Nero’s rule gets more oppressive every day. More people suffer and die every day.
  2. Vardus does nothing. Nothing works.
  3. I still can’t get through to Mel. I’m at my wits end with him, and everything I try fails.
  4. Dorian is gone. I…. I failed him. He’s gone, and he’s never coming back to me…

Stupid girl. What am I thinking this will achieve? Writing all this down isn’t going to help, and just thinking about what happened then is making me… No, I won’t cry. I mustn’t cry. Crying won’t bring him back; not after I failed him and let him go like that. Stupid girl; don’t you dare cry!

 

No…breathe. I can do this. I have to move on. Calm down and think.

 

What do I want?

  1. To protect Mel. Above all else, I must protect him.
  2. To overthrow Nero. To end his reign. To free everyone in the Empire. To cut……… off……… his……… head……
  3. To be happy.

How do I achieve this?

  1. Continue in the Resistance with Vardus? Or…
  2. … Go with that vizier guy; and his insane plan for Utopia….?

I… I think I need more time to think about this. More time to get over all the things I’ve lost. To learn more about these men controlling my life like a puppet. To try and wash clean the accursed blood that never seems to leave my hands, and tune out their screams and their faces I hear and see in my sleep. Although I’m not sure I ever will. How do I free myself from all of these feelings in my head and in my heart, and try to move forward towards these goals I have to achieve; for me, for Mel, and for him?

 

… What do I do?

 

 

 

Can I really be that cold…?

 

 

......

 

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ubG-_al3w14

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