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The X Class [PG16 / Not Started / Always Accepting / Host Change]


Tormented

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Reserving a spot. :D

 

No problem, come up with your application whenever you want

 

Reading the RP write now, Brindith, please proof read your posts before posting them, they're hard to understand and follow.

 

Tyran, considering you haven't been accepted yet I think it's overstepping your boundaries by telling a member to proofread; despite it being true and that we've been working on it.

 

Secondly, after reading your application I can say that personally I dislike the idea of a mutant antwolf creature, but I will let the ultimate choice be up too Tormented.

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[spoiler=App]

Personal Information:

Character Name: Real name unknown. Alias: Jezzabelle Thorin, A.K.A. "Specter"

Sex: Female 

Age: 24

[spoiler=Personality]

Jezzabelle is a normally cheery an upbeat person that leads a seemingly normal life. She enjoys the same things most people enjoy, like, watching movies, playing video games, and other such things. She has had special training in many types of firearms and, being an ex-soldier, military training. This training involved many types of intense scenarios and experiments involving the X-Gene, the latter of which she reluctantly agreed to do. She later escaped the military after the experiments and usually stays hidden, rarely letting herself be obviously seen in public. Though her life seems normal, she, in need of money, made her way into the "world" of assassins, and began to gain her wealth by killing high value targets, leaving them dead without a trace. Her ability to kill without a trace gave her a high place among assassins and the nickname, "Specter".    

[/spoiler]

 

[spoiler=Appearance]

[attachment=39686:imgres.jpg]

Rotating view of Specter's suit. Equipped with cloaking device made to keep her hidden from metal detectors, cameras,  motion sensors, and (during the night) most human's/mutant's naked eye. 

Designed to be both bullet-proof and agile.

Material allows for near silent movement.

High-class prototype.

Dubbed by Jezzabelle the "Killsuit".

[/spoiler]

 

[spoiler=Bio]

Jezzabelle joined the military when she was 20 so she could help her family through tough times. Once she entered training the faction of the military she was in quickly saw her potential and she then began her climb through the ranks. After a few years of service, she had more than help her family out, and continued to send them funds during her time in the military. It was around that time when she got a rather "special" opportunity.

 

A high ranking member of a research and development branch came to her with her superior. He offered her a chance to be a part of experiments involving the X-GENE, and told her that her skills and strength could be multiplied several times. After several months of contemplating the benefits and consequences, she decided to go through with it. The experiment itself took a painful 6 weeks and, inadvertently, activated the X-GENE lying dormant in her. The military immediately saw her new powers as a threat and tried to detain an kill her. The attempt at killing her was truly and utterly futile as, during the battle, she managed to acquire a prototype body-armor, that, when combined with her powers, allowed her to just barely escape the base and the grasp of the military.

[/spoiler]

 

Combat Information:

 

Faction: None; Assassin.

 

Mutant Class: Omega

 

[spoiler=Mutant Powers]

Powers gained via experimentation:

Superhuman Endurance - Can fight/run for long amounts of time. More than capable of taking a few bullets.

Superhuman Agility - Can dodge physical attacks with ease and react to environmental danger quickly.

Superhuman Strength - Capable of delivering blows strong enough to break weaker bones with ease.

Superhuman Accuracy? - Extremely Accurate. Could just be natural skill.

Natural mutant power:

Arsenal - Can create any of (but only use one at a time) the following weapon types. These are not normal weapons, as they form out of pure energy and "disappear" when Specter wishes for them to. All guns can have any attachment she desires.

 

 Sniper Rifle - Favored gun of Specter,

 Dual Uzis - The one technical "exception" to her Arsenal power, Specter creates two Uzis for close range combat.

 Samurai Sword - Favored blade of Specter.

 Combat Knife - Perfect for silent close-range killing. 

[/spoiler]

 

[spoiler=Equipment]

Equipment Specter uses includes the "Killsuit" and her Arsenal power. She also uses a large set of high grade tools to break silently into buildings.

[/spoiler]

 

[spoiler=Combat Style]

Specter has mastered several martial arts and is proficient with every weapon she commonly uses.

[/spoiler]

[/spoiler]

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Okay I'm actually going to pick apart this application since, last time, all I really did was say "hey, you need to improve it". So you'll be getting a more in-depth reason why the application needs revision.

 

[spoiler=App]

Personal Information:
Character Name: Real name unknown. Alias: Jezzabelle Thorin, A.K.A. "Specter"

Okay I understand not wanting to have an assassin have no name, making them more mysterious, but considering she was a part of the military you'd think they'd keep her real name on file somewhere. I actually like the name Jezzabelle Thorin, so I think that SHOULD be her real name with "Specter" being the alias.

Sex: Female
Age: 24
[spoiler=Personality]
Jezzabelle is a normally cheery an upbeat person that leads a seemingly normal life.

Normally you write the personality AFTER you've written the biography for the character. That way when you're writing the personality it is what they character acts like in the current moment and will act throughout the role play. After reading the biography having an assassin be a normal cheery upbeat person leading a normal life is not what comes to mind.

She enjoys the same things most people enjoy, like, watching movies, playing video games, and other such things.

Good to know being wanted from by the government and doubling as an assassin hasn't put a damper on her hobbies.

She has had special training in many types of firearms and, being an ex-soldier, military training.

This is more talking about her past than her actual personality. Actually, this IS talking about her past and has NOTHING to do with her personality. Is she a battle hardened warrior who has seen a lot of combat and thus sees the world in a pessimistic viewpoint or is she a relatively new solider who still has some optimism in her life?

This training involved many types of intense scenarios and experiments involving the X-Gene, the latter of which she reluctantly agreed to do.

Again, this is more about her past than her personality.

She later escaped the military after the experiments and usually stays hidden, rarely letting herself be obviously seen in public.

But good thing she still gets to go to the movies, play video games, and do things any normal person would do . . . the whole being wanted by the military is just a MINOR annoyance occasionally.

Though her life seems normal, she, in need of money, made her way into the "world" of assassins, and began to gain her wealth by killing high value targets, leaving them dead without a trace.

So she is a normal person who is not only on the run from the military and trying to hide out, but she makes the impossibly stupid choice of picking the ONE job that would draw the attention of authorities to her.

Her ability to kill without a trace gave her a high place among assassins and the nickname, "Specter".

Thanks for letting us know in the PERSONALITY how she got her second codename.

You see, the problem with this is that you're only talking about her past, which belongs in the biography. This section is called personality for a reason. I know this is generally the hardest section for role players to fill out but all you have to do is ask a few simple questions.

How do they view the world?
How do they view themselves?
How do they view other people/humans/mutants/etc.?
Is her general mood happy or sad?
Does she hate certain things?

Basically try to describe her like you were trying to set her up with a best friend. "Yeah, she's a good person but don't get her angry because she has a short temper" kind of deal . . .

[/spoiler]
[spoiler=Appearance]
Attachment imgres.jpg

Rotating view of Specter's suit. Equipped with cloaking device made to keep her hidden from metal detectors, cameras,  motion sensors, and (during the night) most human's/mutant's naked eye.

Designed to be both bullet-proof and agile.

Okay, as we actually have NO material short of thick armor plating that is honestly bullet-proof I don't think a suit like this should exist unless it's ungodly heavy; that could actually be a thing.

Think about it. The suit is a prototype so it is made out of heavy material unsuitable for anyone to actually wear it. So, its perfect someone with enhanced strength should be able to wear it.


Material allows for near silent movement.

Okay you either go for extremely durable or extremely quick. You cannot have both. It must either focus on defensiveness or be light enough that you can move quickly. Not both, never both unless it's some sci-fi material; which you've yet to state this is made out of anything of the like.

High-class prototype.

Dubbed by Jezzabelle the "Killsuit".
[/spoiler]
[spoiler=Bio]
Jezzabelle joined the military when she was 20 so she could help her family through tough times.

Why were they having tough times? Did something happen to the father? The mother? Why did Jezzabelle feel that joining the MILITARY would be the ONLY way to help her family? It'd make more sense if she had a connection to the military already, father possibly an old war veteran, or has always aspired to be a part of the military. But . . . to help her family out? There are OTHER jobs out there that don't require as much demand from a person.

Once she entered training the faction of the military she was in quickly saw her potential and she then began her climb through the ranks.

Potential how? What did she have potential in? DETAILS!!! Also, since I have family in the military, you don't get rank just because of potential. Yeah it helps, but you have to go through a long series of tests both physical and written to be able to go up in rank; not to mention a certain amount of time in the military.

After a few years of service, she had more than help her family out, and continued to send them funds during her time in the military.

Yeah, see, wrong amount of years. A few generally means less than five. You'd only go up one rank in five years if you were LUCKY and ambitious enough to go for it. And, again, no explanation on why she needs to help her family's financial problems.

It was around that time when she got a rather "special" opportunity.

Cryptic as f*ck . . . one could only wonder what "special opportunity" she was given . . .

A high ranking member of a research and development branch came to her with her superior.

Is her superior office like her nanny? You do realize that if you're being selected for a secret operation the guy just . . . shows up. He doesn't need to have her superior officer with him, in fact, unless he is privy to the information he shouldn't even be allowed to eavesdrop without getting a lead headache.

He offered her a chance to be a part of experiments involving the X-GENE, and told her that her skills and strength could be multiplied several times.

Super Top Secret Government ILLEGAL Human Experimentation . . . but we're just going to tell it to a solider, with some kind of potential, all about it over tea and cookies like we were talking about the weather.

 

I hate to repeat myself but in a realistic scenario she'd just be told she was selected and be dragged along to her new location.

After several months of contemplating the benefits and consequences, she decided to go through with it.

SUPER TOP SECRET GOVERNMENT ILLEGAL HUMAN EXPERIMENTATION . . . but we're gonna let the common solider think about it for SEVERAL MONTHS!!!

The experiment itself took a painful 6 weeks and, inadvertently, activated the X-GENE lying dormant in her.

I don't see how this is an accident considering the government officials blatantly told her the experimentation was going to be done on her X-Gene! It's like saying you're going to hit yourself with a hammer and, when you do, wonder why it hurts!!!

The military immediately saw her new powers as a threat and tried to detain an kill her.

As opposed to a soldier with potential possibly giving way to either:
A.) A cure for mutants.
B.) A way to further mutant research.
C.) A way to create further super soldiers.
D.) All of the above.


The attempt at killing her was truly and utterly futile as, during the battle, she managed to acquire a prototype body-armor, that, when combined with her powers, allowed her to just barely escape the base and the grasp of the military.

Okay, how did she get the armor? Was it just lying around somewhere? Did one of the scientists developing it just think it'd be a good joke to position the armor like it was a mannequin to scare his friends? HOW. DID. SHE. GET. THE. ARMOR!?

And how did she escape in the armor? You'd think it'd be obvious to ANYONE that a person in armor kind of stands-the-f*ck-out. How has she avoided further detection by the military lugging around the armor? If she's hiding it, where?

[/spoiler]
Combat Information:
Faction: None; Assassin.
Mutant Class: Omega
[spoiler=Mutant Powers]
Powers gained via experimentation:
Superhuman Endurance - Can fight/run for long amounts of time. More than capable of taking a few bullets.
Sorry, but no amount of endurance will let you take a bullet to the brain or heart. You MIGHT survive longer with a collapsed lung, but when your brain is being used to paint the wall behind you . . . yeah . . . I think you're dead.
Superhuman Agility - Can dodge physical attacks with ease and react to environmental danger quickly.
How quickly? Environmental danger is kind of a vague term. There is a big difference between a punch going, what, 1 MPH, a car going 88 MPH, and a bullet traveling 1/1600 feet per second.
Superhuman Strength - Capable of delivering blows strong enough to break weaker bones with ease.
Weaker bones as in . . . an arm? A leg? What is a weaker bone?
Superhuman Accuracy? - Extremely Accurate. Could just be natural skill.
How accurate? Clint Eastwood shooting the wings of a fly accurate or "Hey I managed to shoot the side of a barn" accurate?

Natural mutant power:
Arsenal - Can create any of (but only use one at a time) the following weapon types. These are not normal weapons, as they form out of pure energy and "disappear" when Specter wishes for them to. All guns can have any attachment she desires.

Sniper Rifle - Favored gun of Specter,
Dual Uzis - The one technical "exception" to her Arsenal power, Specter creates two Uzis for close range combat.
Samurai Sword - Favored blade of Specter.
Combat Knife - Perfect for silent close-range killing.

Okay, seeing as I one of my own characters have a power similar to this, I'm going to have to say no. You don't have any restrictions on it. At all. So without any restrictions said I can only believe there are none. And to be honest I don't want a character than can materialize dual uzis with infinite ammunition or a sword that will never break.


Either change the power, which is what I suggest you do, or put on some serious restrictions.
[/spoiler]
[spoiler=Equipment]
Equipment Specter uses includes the "Killsuit" and her Arsenal power. She also uses a large set of high grade tools to break silently into buildings.
[/spoiler]
[spoiler=Combat Style]
Specter has mastered several martial arts and is proficient with every weapon she commonly uses.
So in other words she is like Batman? Just picks up a weapon and- BAM! She's mastered it?
[/spoiler]
[/spoiler]

I know some of it sounds harsh, but I'm being brutally honest. Most of the story doesn't make sense and the power is too overpowered. I don't know if this is your first of fiftieth time making an application, wouldn't matter to me, but if you improve it I'd gladly accept it.

As it is now, please revise and try again later.

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Yeah, figured I needed more elaboration.... 

I shouldn't try to create something in-depth when i'm tired. 

To answer some questions quickly;

Arms/Legs/Ribs = weak bones. Also, already damaged bones.

 

Most likely removing the arsenal power. (why generate crap when you can pick one specific favorite you know and love?)

 

Yeah, similar to Batman, just not as crazy. (No impossible counter crap)

 

Forgot to delete "Real name unknown" for whatever reason.... *facepalm*

 

She could probably dodge a car. Not at 88mph though. Something beneath 65.

 

In the field of accuracy.... She could shoot the wall of a barn. With a sniper. And ricochet it off another wall and into a cow.

 

And duh, bullet to brain/heart = dead. For anyone. The lung thing though.... I dunno. But to arms/legs etc., she would be fine.

 

 

That's 'bout all for now, i'll fix the stuff soon.

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It is a lot easier for people to just say "keep it running" I have a lot of other things going on and I am trying to get around to it all. The RP is a little low on my spectrum as in my head it isn't as important as other things. Assumptions aside I am still thinking about the RP on the weekend I don't do anything graphical or YCM related as it is my only time to really get some decent gaming done. During the weekdays is when I plan on writing up posts and doing graphics. Assuming that these past few days I have been very tired and fairly ill the last thing on my mind is sorting out minor bits of the RPs that I am. 

 

As for your application Stealthy apart from it being painstakingly ugly (the formatting looks atrocious) it isn't actually awful. A couple of things I would like some clarification on mind you. An example would be the "Mateo is now one of the best scouts in the business." section now assuming he is a Gamma ranked mutant being a scout you need to be fairly "agile and stealthy" assuming someone seems him the people viewing him will instantly recognise the mutant like state, they will then link to the fact that they are either a- part of the Nexians or b- part of the Foundation and secondly, how will you judge yourself what your "exoskeleton" is capable of healing on? I can preemptively feel some form of godmodding to occur. 

 

The overall concept of the antwolf is meh. I mean it is interesting but I'm just not sure how it all fits in. I'm going to accept you after you clarify the two things above. However you accepted status will be to a limited degree as if I find your character to not contribute much then I shall ask you to either sort out a new character or ask you to leave (as much as it sounds harsh) I'll be fairly lenient though. 

 

Also expect a post from me within the week.

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Sorry, I just tend to join RPs and then the people running it tend to just kind of, let it die. Sorry. I'll fix those things, and you're right about the scout thing. And the exoskeleton thing is like accelerated healing of cuts. So a minor cut, would take about 30 ,minutes instead of a few days, a major gash about a week.

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Well, here it is.

 

Personal Information:
Character Name: Chase Carter
Sex: Male
Age: 24

[spoiler=Personality] Chase is not the sort of man who would spend large amounts of time conversing with others. It is not that he does not like other people, or even necessarily that they particularly dislike him, but rather a lack of understanding. If by some strange chance a conversation does start, Chase will often end it as briefly as he possibly can, to spare the other participant from having to deal with his psychological quips. Chase is an extremely intelligent individual, though this is largely a result of his mutation. Furthermore, also as a result of his mutation, Chase is heavily devoid of emotion. He does feel, but not in the conventional ways in which a "normal" human being would. This lack of an effective connection to his emotions can occasionally cause issues, in a way that could be likened to that of the character Spock from the Star Trek franchise.[/spoiler]

[spoiler=Appearance]

QAyhwjb.png

Depicted as above, with the exclusion of the cigarette, because smoking is gross (and out of character for this guy)

[/spoiler]

[spoiler=Biography]

Chase was born to a relatively well-put together family. They were not poor, nor were the rich. They were not being stomped on by a higher power, nor were they doing the stomping. Neither of his parents were mutants, nor were any other members of his family. They were the American dream, no doubt about it. Unfortunately, this lack of distinction that made Chase's parents' life so peaceful and effective shattered when he began to show subtle signs of his mutant status at the age of 14. It began merely as a decrease in social interaction with others of his age. Although his marks in school had done nothing but increase in recent times, his parents began to become concerned for his mental health. Seeking a solution, they brought him in to a psychiatrist, who, after asking them a small series of questions about Chase's emotional state and behavior, as well as asking Chase a few questions that he could only answer vaguely, diagnosed him with minor depression, deciding that Chase need not be medicated due to his young age. The family went home, and continued life as normal.

 

This pattern of regularity quickly shattered within only a few weeks, when Chase began to experience horrible night terrors that prevented him from getting a healthy amount of sleep, as well as splitting headaches during the day that seemingly came unprovoked. Taking Chase back to the same doctor, they demanded that some sort of test be done to see for sure that he was okay. To appease the parents, the doctor ran an MRI scan over Chase's brain, discovering that a large portion of his frontal lobe was being sublimated into the parietal lobe, in effect increasing his brain's sensory processing ability at the cost of emotional processes. For the next few years, his parents searched in vain for some disease that could cause the results found in their son's brain, refusing to accept the idea that their son was a mutant. Although his parents were simply factionless citizens, they sympathized with The Vanguards. When he turned 18, Chase left home, having now accepted his mutant identity, no longer capable of living with those who were not comfortable with what he was. Preferring to avoid conflict, he has not joined any faction, and instead lives on his own in an apartment downtown, repairing broken devices of various types to get by.

[/spoiler]

[spoiler=Combat Information]
Faction: None

Mutant Class: DELTA

[spoiler=Mutant Powers]

Chase's power lies in the structure of his brain. His frontal lobe is relatively small, though this space is made for with a highly enlarged parietal lobe. This allows him to process the information given to him through his 5 senses is processed much more efficiently, and allows him to act accordingly. Furthermore, the links between the two sides of his brain are much more numerous and massive than those of a normal human being, allowing processes to be interpreted quickly and understood nearly instantaneously. This means that he learns much more quickly than an average human being and can memorize materials in seconds. In a heated situation, he can identify variables and predict how they will interact under a variety of scenarios quickly enough to act accordingly.

[/spoiler]

[spoiler=Weaponry/Equipment/Items]

Chase carries with him things that a normal human being would, i.e. a cell phone, wallet, etc. Additionally, he carries a pocket watch that he inherited from his grandfather when he was twelve.

[/spoiler]

[spoiler=Fighting Style/Abilities]

As he is factionless, Chase doesn't really do a large amount of fighting, so he does not have any sort of "style". If put into a combat situation, he would use his power to identify all of his options and choose the one that has the highest probability of keeping him alive. Physically speaking, Chase possesses no physical advantage over a normal human being.

[/spoiler]

[/spoiler]

 

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Well, here is the new version, changed her story quite a bit, and if it isn't easy to tell, the experiment damaged her mind slightly.

 

[spoiler=App]

Personal Information:

Character Name: Jezzabelle "Jezza" Thorin, A.K.A. "Specter"

Sex: Female 

Age: 24

 

[spoiler=Personality]

Jezzabelle is a normally calm and rational person, but, she can easily snap into rage if provoked. Being as she does not wish for anyone to be able to easily track her down or recognize her, she usually will keep her face well hidden (i.e., wear hoods and large-collared coats). She can oftentimes be too reckless, causing unforeseen problems to arise, which can lead trouble in whatever she is doing. Though her rage and recklessness seem to be major defects in the way she acts (which at times, they are.), she is capable of using such traits as weapons while in combat or while performing any random task. Though she isn't a member of any of the factions in the war that has recently broke out, she does accept (if they pay enough) most assassination jobs from any of the factions.

[/spoiler]

 

[spoiler=Bio]

Jezzabelle's life when she was young was a very normal and average one. She lived happily with her family and loved spending time with them whenever she could. Her life was suddenly changed one day she came home from a stay at a friend's home to find that her house had been robbed and her parents were killed. In a bout of anger and pain, she cried out, and slammed her fist on the side of the table next to her, which sent it across the room, glowing dimly, until it hit the wall and burst apart. Shocked by her parent's deaths and the discovery of her new power, she did not no what to do, and began to run outside, but, when she opened her front door, she ran into her neighbor, who had heard all the noise. Her neighbor had already called the police and they shortly arrived and began to investigate the house, and ask Jezzabelle what she had seen. She had already decided to keep her power a secret and only told them that she just got home and saw the mess.

 

She grew grim and dark later in her life and eventually joined the military, in hopes of being able to avenge her parents.While joining the military, when they were examining her skills and such, they found out she had an active X-Gene in her. Now, it was surprising to her that they did't throw her out because of her powers, but she was shocked when they told her they needed a mutant. After being told that she could potentially expand her physical conditioning and abilities through genetic experimentation,and, even thogh being warned about possible damage to her mind and body, she quickly agreed to participate, thinking it would help her kill her parents murderers. Once the experimentation was complete, she, along with many other genetically modified soldiers, were formed into a troop of deft, lightly armored solidiers, that quickly and quietly took down their targets. Jezzabelle was one day approached by a mysterious man that offered her a large sum of money to kill a high ranking man in a rival gang. Slightly confused by the offer, she asked why he had asked her, and his response was, "You don't realize? The military is paying you pocket-change to assassinate people. If you cared about the money, you'd become a real assassin.". After days of thinking about what the man had said, she realized he was right, and after sneaking out of her military faction's base with her armor she began assassinating high value targets, one after one. After many kills, she was a feared assassin, known as the Specter.

[/spoiler]

 

[spoiler=Appearance]

[attachment=39776:imgres.jpg]

Jezza's soldier armor.

Lightweight and silent. Material helps soften blows during close quarters combat.

Built-in jammer keeps user (and suit) hidden from thermal optics, heat seeking projectiles, cameras, and metal detectors.

Helmet has multiple settings for vision modes including X-ray and thermal.

Jezza has rigged it with multiple straps/holders for her favored weaponry and ammunition.

[/spoiler]

 

Combat Information:

 

Faction: None; Assassin.

 

Mutant Class: Omega

 

[spoiler=Weaponry]

Jezza, while in combat, uses her armor and her three weapons which are:

 

     * Sniper Rifle - Specifically a modified M98B. Fires .338 magnum rounds. Jezza has multiple sights and other attachments for different combat/assassination scenarios.

 

     * Dual SMGs - Specifically two MP7s. They both fire 4.6x30mm rounds. They are both always suppressed and always have and standard holographic sights on them.

 

     * Katana - A basic katana that has been reinforced with different alloys. Nearly indestructible by other metals.

[/spoiler]

 

[spoiler=Combat Style/Mutant Powers]

Proficient in several martial arts and firearms specialist. Skilled in fencing, kendo, and basic sword-fighting techniques.

 

Superhuman Strength - Can break arms/legs/ribs easily. Can achieve a knock-out blow quickly, if enough head strikes are achieved. Can (with extra effort) flip a car on it's side to use as cover or any other purpose.

 

Superhuman Endurance - Can take multiple shots to arms/legs and still be able to fight well. Can run/exert herself for extended periods of time (compared to average humans).

 

Superhuman Agility - Can dodge/throw punches/melee attacks faster than normal. Can dodge environmental hazards (i.e., cars [lower speed; 60mph or less] or flying debris [again, 60mph or less]). Can dodge at slightly higher speeds, given she has enough reaction time. 

 

Kinetic Charge - Jezza's natural power. Charges one large object (human-size or smaller) or several smaller objects with energy that increases the objects maximum velocity.

[/spoiler]

[/spoiler]

 

Quick side note - Thanks for ripping apart the other app, it gave me some ideas. :D


 

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