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Drakenguard [ OOC / Started / Not Accepting ]

.:Blu:.

By .:Blu:.
in Out-of-Character Planning

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Kyng's Old Account Newbie

Kyng's Old Account

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Aix - You asked for a second opinion, you've got one.

1 - Personal Info: All your grounds pre-Appearance satisfy the needs of the role-play for acceptance. The appearance is definitely in bounds with his eccentric personality, a nice touch. Like SSD when I reviewed the application, a generic Anime Bishonen, but the clothing is more suited to the setting. He is quite physically frail, which does make me sceptic about why he'd be in an Army environment, but I suppose the Magic Brigade are likelier to have a more gentle approach to things. As you've stated, through nobility he has nice clothes, but would they be very battle efficient? Consider perhaps wearing battle-ready gear if you don't know. His personality...not gonna lie, I'm not sure if the lengthiness is try-hard or genuine, so I'll give you the benefit of the doubt. Some of the content, however, belongs in the biography rather than the personality. I like the character, though, because he seems quite interesting and fun to converse with. I do question whether he should be on the front-lines, or planning strategy, because he comes off as an academic over a practitioner. His biography could use some of the things you put into personality, like having a weak body and being bed-ridden, inside. The Magic Brigade, however, would still expect him to meet the funds they charge for entry, and if he denies taking from his family, where did it come from?

2 - Combat Info: All your grounds pre-Weapon(s) satisfy the needs of the role-play for acceptance. I noticed the sudden shift to minimalism, which I can't critique because sometimes getting the point across is all that is relevant. He uses a Magic Broomstick, which seems legit, but I would think twice about simply taking swords - Ground Troops would probably regard that as theft. I would think that even someone physically frail would require to self-sustain themselves while casting magic, which is why I am concerned about how adept he is at magic - even sages require to train their body to be able to cast stronger spells, hence my scepticism about his ability to master such a wide range of magic. All but one spell seems perfectly fine, that one being Projectile Launching - a Catapult is an extremely heavy item, and we're to believe an extremely frail mage can flicker them around so easily? I suggest limiting this much more, because if he can't pick up a Battle-axe with his body, how're we supposed to believe his body can take the amount of magical strain that is required to even life a Battle-axe, let alone a catapult?

3 - Other Info: A little short but straight to the point, you're reinforcing the idea that your character belongs in strategy rather than on the front-lines.

Overall, the application is pretty solid. A very nice job at a mage character, but I don't think you're taking into account just how much a frail body can do. Try considering making Magical Sustenance (the usage of magic to keep him going) as an ability, because this would give you an idea on how much magic that Faen has left to use on spells.[hr]Anyway, I'm up for doing one more, but I'm not doing anymore weaker body characters. I liked Enrise's because his character is suited to his profession. Shiki (Blu's character) can get away with it because he's doing archery. But I do not see what merit a military body would have in having Tiny Tim pick up a Broadsword.

 

If you want me to review your app, you'd best follow how the previous individuals also made their requests to me.

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.:Blu:. Newbie

.:Blu:.

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Whoa, whoa, don't worry guys, I'm not telling you to get your apps finish ASAP so I can review them. I just simply want to know who's not finish, that's it. Keep finishing up your apps or improving them, by all means. There's no deadline (at least not right now).

Anyway, I'm up for doing one more, but I'm not doing anymore weaker body characters. I liked Enrise's because his character is suited to his profession. Shiki (Blu's character) can get away with it because he's doing archery. But I do not see what merit a military body would have in having Tiny Tim pick up a Broadsword.
 
If you want me to review your app, you'd best follow how the previous individuals also made their requests to me.


If your character is in the Ground Troops, they shouldn't be weak-bodied as Kyng stated. Although weak-bodied isn't entirely a fault of a person's height; it certainly is a factor but it's not the entire problem. You can be short and pretty strong and durable e.g. like dwarves and whatnot. Shiki is also short but he's mostly an archer which doesn't factor in height and even when he fights as a Ground Troop, he's got dragon physiology to rely on so he's pretty covered. What I'm saying is, this is the military so create your character in the right context.

Sonic, no, you put your wyvern's techniques in their own spoiler under "Weapons" (in the same spoiler as the wyvern's appearance and such). I recommend only giving them one or two at the most considering your character is primarily a Ground Troop.
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Aix Newbie

Aix

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Aix - You asked for a second opinion, you've got one.

1 - Personal Info: All your grounds pre-Appearance satisfy the needs of the role-play for acceptance. The appearance is definitely in bounds with his eccentric personality, a nice touch. Like SSD when I reviewed the application, a generic Anime Bishonen, but the clothing is more suited to the setting. He is quite physically frail, which does make me sceptic about why he'd be in an Army environment, but I suppose the Magic Brigade are likelier to have a more gentle approach to things. As you've stated, through nobility he has nice clothes, but would they be very battle efficient? Consider perhaps wearing battle-ready gear if you don't know. His personality...not gonna lie, I'm not sure if the lengthiness is try-hard or genuine, so I'll give you the benefit of the doubt. Some of the content, however, belongs in the biography rather than the personality. I like the character, though, because he seems quite interesting and fun to converse with. I do question whether he should be on the front-lines, or planning strategy, because he comes off as an academic over a practitioner. His biography could use some of the things you put into personality, like having a weak body and being bed-ridden, inside. The Magic Brigade, however, would still expect him to meet the funds they charge for entry, and if he denies taking from his family, where did it come from?

2 - Combat Info: All your grounds pre-Weapon(s) satisfy the needs of the role-play for acceptance. I noticed the sudden shift to minimalism, which I can't critique because sometimes getting the point across is all that is relevant. He uses a Magic Broomstick, which seems legit, but I would think twice about simply taking swords - Ground Troops would probably regard that as theft. I would think that even someone physically frail would require to self-sustain themselves while casting magic, which is why I am concerned about how adept he is at magic - even sages require to train their body to be able to cast stronger spells, hence my scepticism about his ability to master such a wide range of magic. All but one spell seems perfectly fine, that one being Projectile Launching - a Catapult is an extremely heavy item, and we're to believe an extremely frail mage can flicker them around so easily? I suggest limiting this much more, because if he can't pick up a Battle-axe with his body, how're we supposed to believe his body can take the amount of magical strain that is required to even life a Battle-axe, let alone a catapult?

3 - Other Info: A little short but straight to the point, you're reinforcing the idea that your character belongs in strategy rather than on the front-lines.

Overall, the application is pretty solid. A very nice job at a mage character, but I don't think you're taking into account just how much a frail body can do. Try considering making Magical Sustenance (the usage of magic to keep him going) as an ability, because this would give you an idea on how much magic that Faen has left to use on spells.[hr]Anyway, I'm up for doing one more, but I'm not doing anymore weaker body characters. I liked Enrise's because his character is suited to his profession. Shiki (Blu's character) can get away with it because he's doing archery. But I do not see what merit a military body would have in having Tiny Tim pick up a Broadsword.

 

If you want me to review your app, you'd best follow how the previous individuals also made their requests to me.

I dunno, I just started writing... and writing...

 

I actually had Magical Sustenance before, but I took it out for simply saying there's a limit to how much magic. I guess I'll put it back.

 

Now if he had Magical Sustenance, he could launch a Sword? I'll have him have to charge up for the sword-launching skill anyway, then.

 

There's a cost to get into the Magic Brigade, where did it say that? Blu said to get into magic academy, you had to pledge five years on the Wall... it wouldn't make sense for magic students to be outside the Magic Brigade.

 

His Long Distance Casting skills should be useful on the frontlines, right? It would make him almost a long-range artillery of sorts.

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.:Blu:. Newbie

.:Blu:.

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Yes, Aix, you're correct in that only the academy requires a fee for entry (plus the five years). Recruitment to the Wallguard is done via a series of tests which will be the focus in the first chapter. Although, the question still remains, if he didn't get the money from his family, where did he get it from? And you may want to alter his frailness to give him a better chance on the battlefield.

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Aix Newbie

Aix

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Oh... I think I misread your answer, I thought it was free if you did. Well, then, I'll just say he took the pledge to lessen the load on his family's coffers.

 

This is how he'll be now then, his muscles and strength are sustained by magic, however using magic for too long puts a stress on his heart which isn't possible to fully sustain, thus he has a limit and he's frail most of them time, but in times of battle, he'll use the Magical Sustenance to pull through and actually fight.

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.:Blu:. Newbie

.:Blu:.

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Oh no, it isn't free. With the five-year pledge to the Wallguard, you still have to pay 3000 jewells. Without the pledge, it's 10000 jewells. A big difference lol

The members of the Magic Brigade are allowed to be physically weaker than the Ground Troops because they're usually dealing with the stragglers who make it pass the latter. Remember, the Magic Brigade is behind the Ground Troops on the battlefield.

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