tazeel3 Posted June 21, 2013 Report Share Posted June 21, 2013 Please, if you don't like something, don't write only critics. Give me advice, different from "Don't write more" or similar things Barian world "I hope for you thet you have a valid motivation for that meeting, Vector" said Misael "I've a valid motivation, Misael. Someone are cospirating against us and against Yuma Tsukumo." Replied Vector Gilag asked "So why we don't crush him now? Eliminate him and after we can take the last Legendary Number!" Durbe replied "Because we dodn't know who is. And even if we know who is, is too dangerous fight him. He have manipulated me and Vector with an incredible ease. And he can bend the time." Vector shaked the head and said "Durbe is right, It's too dangerous. But probably now he will be in action near Yuma Tsukumo. Alit, Gilag, spy him and if the mysterious conspirator appear, return immediatly." Alit said "Yes vector! We go immediatly! But... if happens something to Yuma..." Vector use is power to lifted Alit "If you or Gilag make something to Yuma, i will inflict you huge sufference, clear?" after, Alit fell. After he said "Ok Vector, we don't make anithing to Yuma" and after, with two portal, they go to Earth. Kite's lab "Have you find anithing, Orbital?" Said kite "Nothing, Lord Kite. There are only traces of Barian intrusion near Hearland" replied Orbital Kite said "Extended the search in all the Japan. If someone are cospirating against us, we must find him must quickly we can." Yuma's House "You don't raech to sleep, Yuma?" asked Astral Yuma replied "No Astral. After what happened today... Durbe said that Shark is a Barian and after, that new enemy... who can be?" Astral replied "We will know it early. First or after, he will show him, and then we must be ready for fight against him. So you should sleep now." Yuma said "You're right. Good night Astr.." Yuma stopped to talk because he discovered that he couldn't move his arm. After watching, he saw why: a snake, using the hammock's strings, have blocked his arm enveloping the wrist! And after a look, he discovered that all his body was blocked by snake! "Astral, help me!" he asked, desperate, to Astral. "Immediately" replied Astral. Using his psychic powers, he forced the snake to free Yuma and to run away. Yuma said "Thank, Astral. If you wasn't here..." but in the same moment, the snake returned, with a girl. Astral was ready to drive out the snake, but the girl said "You will not ruin again my plans!" and fires from his eyes a green light. When the light touched Astral, he screamed of sorrow and must returned in the key. Yuma reach only to said "Astral!" first that the sneakes enveloped completly him, rendering him powerless. The girl chuckled, fisrt to sit down near Yuma. Using her fingers, she forced Yuma to stay with opened eyes, then her eyes start to glow of strange colored circle. In that moment for Yuma was the most beutiful thig on earth. He said "Command my and i will obey" The girl chuckled another time. In that moment Yuma was his pet, and he will made all that she said to him. He didn't notice that she deteached the key from his neck. After she covered it with a covered of metal to stop any Astral's try to exit and she launched away it. Then she said to Yuma "Yuma, you are my housband" In that moment inside Yuma set off a powerful wave of will, and he replied "Not". The girl was shocked, then she said another tima "Yuma, you are my husband" Another time, Yuma said "Not" Then the girl shout "Yuma, you are my husband!" "Not!" shout Yuma. The girl thought for a moment. Then i go to pick up the key, then she taken Yuma in arms and said "You need only to know me better. After, you will love me". Then she jump out of the window. A bed of snakes was waiting for him at earth. Then she said to the snakes "Take me and my future husband to home!" the snakes start to move. The girl watch Yuma and said "Believe me, Yuma: you will like our new home" Yuma replied with a look of hate. The next morning Police was at Yuma's house. When Yuma's friends arrived they found Kary that was writing an article and Shuta that was taking photos. Tory asked "Kary! Shuta! The news are true?" They turned behind and Kary replied, sad "Hello guis. Yes, the news was true. Yuma this night was kidnapped. The kidnapper haven't left traces, and in Yuma's deck there aren't Numbers." Caswell said "So we can't know what happened by Astral." "And the police have a problem with the investigation" Said Kary, pointing something behind him. They saw Yuma's grandmother that go around the room saying things like "Don't touch it!" "It's frail!" "Put the hands in thire place!" A policeman, exasperated, said "Lady, if she want that we find her nephew, she must give us some liberty to move" She replied "You have all the liberty to move that you want but if someone broke anithing, will pass an ugly quarter of hour!" Then Shark mumured something in other's ears "I think to have discovered who have kidnapped Yuma. Come whit me" Then he start to move. The other followed him, under the astonished looks of Shuta and Kary. When they was out of the door, Bronk asked Shark "But Shark, if you know who is the kidnapper, why you don't say it to the police?" Shark replied "Because you think that someone will believe at a boy that said that a Barian have kidnapped someone?" After his words, a voice behind the hedge said "Good sight, Shark!" and then appear from behind the hedge the five Barians! Shark asked with anger "Where you have taken Yuma?" Vector replied, with a grim "You are taking a crab. We aren't the kidnappers, but we know who have kidnapped Yuma" Tory asked "Who..." but Shark stopped her Shark said "Shut up with your mouth full of lies and hidden backstabs!" Vector replied "If i were you, i heard what i've to said. For what you know, Yuma could be dead yet by the hand of the conspirator!" Shark could only gnashed the teeth and said "You can talk. But please, say something that someone can consider not too far from the truth" Vector said " After what happened yesterday, i decided to sent Gilag and Alit to spy if the conspirator will show him near Yuma's house. When they arrived on earth, they saw a thing. Continue, Gilag" Gilag said "Thank, Vector. When we arrived on earth, we saw someone that exit from Yuma's room. He have Yuma in his arms, without any dubt. I've spied Yuma for a lot, so i know that he don't sleep first than a certain hour. And he isn't someone that give up esasily. So... Shark take word "So we have to do with someone of dangerous that can put Yuma and Astral Knock out. Ok, but were they went?" Gilag restarted to talk " They had taken the road on the left. Follow the snake's shard and you should arrive at a cave." Then the humans start to run, following Gilags istruction. Gilag asked to Vector "Why you wanted that i give to them the istruction to find Yuma and you haven't challenged they in a duel?" Vector replied "Because if we defeated him here, we have after to defeat the conspirator. Now they will defeat him and after they are tired and we can gather all their Numbers in a strike!" At the entrace of the cave The humans were arrived at the cave, following the snake's shards. Tory said "If we want to save Yuma, we must enter. GO, with no fear." The most entered with fear, but they entered. The Barians, hidden, were following they. At the start, there was only thesilence. but after some time, snakes start to appear evrywhere. Flip said "There are too snake for me" Caswell said "Don't say me that you have fear for some snakes!" Flip Reply "It's only that they give me a strange senation" After he said that words, a snak start quikly to go in the direction of the end of the tunnel In a room, underearth The girl was getting up. She launched a look to her future husband. Blocked at the arms and at the legs by four snakes, Yuma was sleeping. The girl thought "Some days and you will love me" she smile thinking at the day of their marry. His daydream was interrupted by a snake, that in snake's language said "There are some people. They want to save Yuma" The girl quicly wore his dress, then she launched another look to Yuma and said "No one will take you away from me" Then she exited. In the tunnel The group continued to walk in the darkness of the tunnel, surrounded by snakes. At a certain point they hearded a voice "What are you doing here?" All stopped. From the darkness exited a girl. She wore a white skirt, blocked by a golden belt. His brasts were covered by a large white stripe. On the head she wore a golden helmet, similar to a pharaons crown. His skin was brown, and his eyes glowed of a green light. "No one will take Yuma away from me! Attack, snakes!" The snakes attacked, trying to bite the intruses. After that they could make anithing, all fell, sleeping cause the poison of the snakes. The girl was satisfied, but saw that two weren't sleeping! Shark and Rio was deteaching the snakes from theire body. The girl said "Alien? I've something for you!" A green ray was shotted from her eyes, that touched first Rio and after Shark. The first lauched a scream of sorrow first to fall and stayed still. The second reached only to scream "Rio!" first to recive the same treatment. He felt "I waited more from you after, he become uncounscious. In aprison, underearth Tory woke up in a prison of steel. She watched around. Was only a cube of metal. After, he saw the others that are waking up. On the floor ,uncounscious, there were the five Barians, and Shark and Rio! She tryed to shake Shark and to shout his name, but was all useless. Bronk was crying for his lost love "Why?Why? We wasn't married, we don't have son! I've nevere said her hello!" Caswell said "But you have said her hello a lot of time!" Bronk replied "Uh? Yes! Were only pharases that i've found in an usefull book "Phreses to say when you lost the love of your life" written by Charlie Brown!" Tory gived up to wake up Shark and start to sshake Durbe and to shout "Durbe! Durbe! Wake up, please! We need your help!" The others assaulted Tory, faring him from the Barian. Katy said her "Are you gonna crazy? Is a Barian! I'm yet happy that all are sleeping and you try to wake up one?" Tory replied "Yesterday he have said that Shark is a Barian, so he should know how to do and is the less bad. But is in the same conditions." Avoice said "It's all useless" all turn in the direction of the voice. They saw a small open and the face of the girl that they've seen in the tunnel "They will sleep for days, or week. It's unpredictable." "Oh, i'm not presented yet. I'm Naschira Tsukumo, the future Yuma Tsukumo's wife" With a jump, Katy arrive in front of the open and tryed to wound to wound she with her nails. Katy said "If you have touched Yuma with only one finger, you will see what i'll make to you" Naschira replied "I've do it a lot of time yet" Katy can only shout, powerless. She said "When i exit from here, neither your mother could recognize what remains of you!" Naschira said "Intersting. Now i've to make you a proposal. Now i release you, you return to your home and forgot Yuma for the rest of your life, or you remains here forever. What you choose?" Tory, ready, replied "We remains here. No one of us will leave Yuma alone" The other showed to be with her. marry Naschira said "Ok, you will have a good sight of our marry" and close the open. Then all recognized the mistake. They haven't anithing to eat or drink. And the Barians first or after will wake up. In silence, knowing to have the general approvation, Tory tryed to call someone. But her Duel Gazer was almost empty, so she call the first number that was on the screen, hoping that The Sparrow replieds Nelsons changeroom Nelson have just finished to shoot another episode and was in his chamgeroom, when his Duel Gazer started to ring. Was Tory. He made his best glecial expression "Hello Tory" she was scared. "Sparrow, we need your help! Yuma was kidnapped and we are prisoners of the kidnappers!" Nelson tried to mantein his glecial expression, but anyone could see that he was worried. Tory continued "We are in a cave at the base of the left mountain. Follow the snakes shard. And pay attention at the snakes!" the call ended. Nelson was divided: he had fear of snakes, but he must saved his friend. The current of the hero become stronger inside he, and he decided to go alone to save Yuma! In the tunnel "Stupid current of the hero! He leave me alone when i need of him" thought Nelson. He shacked like a leaf, and jumped at any noise. He have fear of dark and of the snakes, and the only lights are his whip and snakes eyes. At a certain moment, he started to heard some steps behind him. He turned and saw that behind there was someone, but was counterlight so he couldn't see who was. He asked "W-w-w-who are you?" The reply was three missiles. He screamed and with his agility reached to dodge it. The missiles exploded far and killed many snakes, launching theire parts and earth evrywhere Nelson thought "In the dark, with somone that fire missiles, covered of earth and snakes parts. I want to return to home!" But he thought at Yuma in danger and he regains some courage, but it vanished when the assalitorr was over him. The assalitor watched him for a moment. Now Nelson could see better: was a girl with a cannon. Then she said "So you are the Sparrow. On foot, we have someone to free" Then she restarted to walk. Nelson quickly followed she. He asked "Who are you and what you make here?" She replied "I'm Anna Kaboom. I've intercepted Tory's call and i arrived here" Nelson had another question "You are a friend of Yuma Tsukumo?" Anna replied "I can said that i've gived him some help" for Nelson was enough and he stayed in silence. Snakes are disapparend and there was someone with him. He haven't fear. After some time, they arrived at the end of the tunnel, and see the entrace to a egiptian house. On the enrace there was a girl, sorrounded by snakes. She said "No one will take away from me Yuma!" and the snakkes attack! Anna's cannon was useless at that short range, but Nelson had an attack of fear and with his whip rejected the snakes. Then Anna pointed her cannon on the girl and said "Who are and where is Yuma!" The girl said "I'm Naschira Tsukumo, and when Yuma love me, i'll became his wife!" after his face become sad "But first i must find how he can love me" Anna took that occasion like a ball at the bounce "There is only one mode to make that Yuma love you: demonstrate a great duelling skills!" The girl was hearing with all his ears "Yes! Yuma like only girls that demonstrated to be great duellist! If you show him that you are able to duel, he will love you!" Naschira thought for a moment after said, happy "Ok. I've seen you duel at the WDC, and i can duel. I put the conditions: If you win, Yuma and his friends are free, but if you lose i put you in the prison with they" Anna said "We accepted immediatly!" Nelson was trying to talk "Anna, we should think over..." Anna whispered him "Trust in me, it will be easy! We'll destroy that frantic in amoment!" Nelson, not convinced, said "Ok...." Duel room They was all in a large room, all decorated with snakes. On a balcony, forced at a throne by 40 snakes, there was Yuma. A snake was wrapped at his neck, for stopped him if he cheers his friends. Naschira said "Remember the rules: i've 4000 Life points, but you have togethere 4000 Life points. Evry times i lose Life Points, for evry 100 Life points lost, a snake leave Yuma. If you win, Yuma and the others are free, but if you lose, you will pass all your life here!" Anna said "Defeat this girl quickly, Sparrow!" Nelson was worried: That girl had something of strange... Yuma thought "When i'm free, i will release Astral and he will solve all!" The two prepared theire Duel equip normally, but Naschira made something of strange: A Duel Pad covered of snakes akin exited from his arms, and his eyes glow of a green light instead of the Duel Gazer. They were all ready and they said "Duel!" Turn 1:Naschira "It's my turn. Draw!" "I set three cards and i end my turn!" Turn 2: Nelson Nelson know that were all Trap and decided to start with feet of iron "It's ,y turn. Draw!" "I summon Beast-warrior Puma!" a humanoid puma with armour and sword appear on his field Beast-Warrior Puma Lv 4 EARTH Beast Warrior ATK 1600 DEF 1000 Then i set two cards and i end my turn!" Turn 3: Anna "A superhero shouldn't have fear of anithing?" mocked Anna "It's my turn. Draw!" "By reducing the ATK of Night Express Knight to 0, i can special summon it!" over a binary appeared a white train with over a knight Night Express Knight Lv 10 EARTH Machine ATK 3000 DEF 3000 (Night Express Knight ATK 3000-0) "Then i activate the Magic Card, Southern Cross! This card allow me to increase the Level of a monster on my Field at 10! I choose Beast Warrior Puma (Beast warrior Puma Lv 4-10)!" six stars were added to Nelsons monster Nelson said "Anna, you can't use my monster for..." But Anna interrupted him threathening him with the cannon. After seen Nelson's scared face, Anna said "Well, i've your permission. I overlay the Level 10 Night Express Knight and Beast Warrior Puma!" The two monster became brown and after shooting in the air "Xyz Summon!" the red portal was opened, and the monster go inside it. After there was an explosion. "Appear, Super Dreadnought Gustaw Max!" the monster apppear from a blue portal over two binary "I activate his effect! By deteaching an Overlay unit, i can inflict 2000 points of damage at an opponents!" The overlaing unit went to the head on the monster, that changed and showed a great cannon. Then the cannon charged of energy. But first that she could fire, Naschira activate a Trap " i activate a Trap! Hipnotic snake! When my opponent activate an effect, i could activate this card to change the target of the effect!" a snake exited from the card and hipnotize Anna "I choose Nelson as the new effect!" Anna, with a low voice said "Fire against Nelson. Big Cannon!" the monster change his direction and fire a ray against Nelson (Anna and Nelson 4000-2000) After, the snake freed Anna and she can only said "Oh no, what i've maid!" Nelson replied "I've fired against me!" Embarassed, Anna said "I end my turn with this" Turn 4: Naschira "I'ts my turn. Draw!" "I end my turn!" Turn 5: Nelson "It's my turn. Draw!" Nelson thought "I must free the field from that traps!" "I activate Hero's Tools, that allow me to summon two Tools Token!" a black whip and a black mask appered on the field Tool Token Lv 1 EARTH Warrior ATK O DEF 0 "Then i tribute it to special summon from my hand Esper Star Sparrow!" breaking a wall, a dark copy of Nelson appered on the field Esper Star Sparrow Lv 10 LIGHT Warrior ATK 3000 DEF 1500 "Then i attack you direcly with him! Go with your Super surprise Fist!" The monster attacked direcly, but Naschira activated a Trap "I activate Snakes Ambush! When my opponents attack me directly, i can special summon a "Snake" monster from my hand. The attck is nagated and my opponent's monster lose ATK equal to the ATK of the summoned monster! I summon Overlay Snake!" A white snake whit blue eyes and a blue and yellow line long the body. Overlay Snake Lv 5 DARK Reptile ATK 1500 DEF 1200 The snake jumped, biting Nelsons monster and stopping the attack (Esper Star Sparrow ATK 3000-1500). But Naschira hadn't finished "I activate the Quick Magic Spell Regulator Snake! When i summon a Snake monster during my opponents turn, i can special summon "Snake" monsters until i've the same number of monster that my opponent have on his field. You have two monster on your field, so i can summon another Overlay Snake!" another Overlay Snake appeared on the field. "Then, if i've summoned two monster in the same turn, by decreasing the level of Giant Anacond by one for each Reptile-tipe monster on my field, i can special summon it and give the losen Level to my Reptile-tipe monster (Giant Anacond Lv 8-6) (Overlay Snake 1 5-6) (Overlay Snake 2 Lv 5-6)!" a great brown anacond appeared and the level of the two other snake was increased. Giant Anacond Lv8 DARK Reptile ATK 3000 DEF 2000 "Then if i've two or more Reptile-Tipe monster on the field, when Giant Anacond is summoned by his effect, i can duble the level of all the Reptile-tipe monster on my field (Giant Anacond 6-12) (Overlay Snake 1 6-12) (Overlay Snake 2 6-12)!" But Naschira hadn't finished "I activate the effect of my two Overlay Snake! If i've two Overlay Snake on my monster and his Level his increased by the same effect, i can make an Xyz Summon immediatly! I overlay the Level 12 Giant Anacond, Overlay Snake and Overlay Snake!" The two monster become completly purple and after shooting in the air "Whit those three monster i build the Overlay network! Xyz summon!" The galaxy portal was opened and after the three monster entered in. After, there was an explosion, then appeared a black sphere with a green disk in the middle "Then appear the most beutiful of the monster! The horror that command the world with his deadly eyes! Number 45: Hipnotic Gorgon!" Meanwhile she said that, the disk reveal to be a snake's taile, after two wings opened showing two humans arms, a women nuked body and a women head with snake where there would be the hairs. Number 45: Hipnotic Gorgon Rank 12 Dark Reptile ATK 6000 DEF 3500 Nelson swallowed. A Number with 6000 ATK. He must do the best that he could do. "I set two card and i end my turn" Turn 6:Anna "It's my turn. Draw!" "Now you have no more defence! I activate Gustaw Max effect, that by deteaching an Overlaing units, i can inflict you 2000 points of damage! Big cannon!" This time the cannon gatherered energy and rached to fire in the right direction (Nachira 4000-2000) 20 snakes left Yuma, but he couldn't free Astral or cheer his friends. "I set i card and i end my turn with this!" Turn 7: Naschira "It's my turn. Draw!" "Then i attack Esper Star Sparrow with Hypnotic Gorgon! Death Eyes!" The Number fired two green rays from his eyes, in the direction of Nelson's monster. But Nelson reacted, ready. "I activate Wings of Unity! If i have Esper Star Sparrow on my field, i can negate your attack and special summon on my field Phoenix Beast Gairuda!" The monster enetered from the hole in the wall and started to talk with the other monster. He said "Star Sparrow! You was wounded!" The monster replied "Yes. Was all cause of a snake. Dont worry, i can continue" Gairuda asked "Where is Puma? I can't see him." Sparrow said, indicating Anna "That girl is our ally, but he have used our friend like a proiectile for his train!" Gairuda said, shocked "It's horrible!" Naschira meanwhile continued his turn "I set two cards and i end my turn!" Turn 8: Nelson "It's my turn. Draw!" "I activate Monster Reborn! Thet card allow me to summon a monster from mine graveyard! I choose Beast Warrior Puma!" The monster reappeared from a purple portal. Gairuda exultude "Puma! You aren't dead!" Nelson continue "I activate the effect of Ironhammer the Giant! When i have Esper Star Sparrow, Beast Warrior Puma and Phenix Beast Gairuda, i can special summon this guy from my hand!" the monster exit from the floor. The sparrow exulted "Ironhammer is arrived! We're all togethere!" Then Nelson make his stongest moves "I activate Change to Jet Iron, that allow me to tribute the four monster that i've on the field to sppecial summon from my deck Jet Iron!" The four Nelson's monster combined to create the new monster Jet Iron Lv 10 Light Machine ATK 0 DEF 0 When this monster is summoned he gains the summed ATK of the monster tributed to summon it! (Jet Iron ATK 0-8000)!" "For you is the end, Naschira! Iron Phoenix!" The monster were surrounded by fire and attack, but "I activate Detach of Emergency! When one of mine Xyz monster is the target of an ATK, i can activate this card and activate is effect! By deteaching an Overlay unit, Hipnotic Gorgon can reduced the ATK of a monster to 0, Negate his effect and preventing him from attack or change his battle position! I choose Jet Iron!" The unit went at the eyes of the monster, and after the eyes start to glow of strange circle. Immdiatly the attack was stopped, but Nelson have a countermesure. "I activate Jet Iron By tributing this card, i can special summon on my field the monster used to summon it!" The jet was destroyed and all the monsters were summoned "Then i activate from my hand Galaxy Queen's Light! I can choose a monster on my field, and all the monster become of the same level of the selected monster! I choose Esper Star Sparrow!" an ethereal Galaxy Queen appeared over the field, and with a purple dust increased the level of the monsters. "Then i Overlay Esper Star Sparrow, Phoenix Beast Gairuda and Ironhammer the Giant!" the three monster become one yellow, one brown and one green, and after all shooting in the air "Xyz summon" the red portal was opened, and the three monster came inside. After an explosion, the monster appeared "Show yuorself, Superdimensional Galaxy Robot Destroyer!" a giant robot appeared on his field Superdimensional Galaxy Robot Destroyer Rank 10 LIGHT Machine ATK 5000 DEF 2000 "I end my turn with this" Turn 9: Anna "It's my turn. Draw!" First that she could make a move, Nelson said her "Anna, use my monster! You should know how!" The girls don't understood what he was talking about, but wnen she saw the card that she had drow, all become clear. "I tribute Beast Warrior Puma and Gustaw Max to summon from my hand Inarrestable Locomotive Boombang!" the two monster disappeared and after from a blue portal on two bynars appeared the monster. Inarrestable Locomotive Boombang Lv 10 EARTH Machine ATK 5000 DEF 3000 "I attack Hipnotic Gorgon with him!" the monster charged against the enormous Number. Naschira said "Are you gonna craxy?" And the number, with a strike of his nails, destroyed the monster (Anna and Nelson 2000-1000). But Anna continued "I activate Train Connection! I can banished two Machine -type monster with Level 8 or higher and equip this card to a Machine tipe monster on my field, and i can duble his ATK! I banish Night Express Knight and Rocket Arrow Express to eqip this card to Superdimensional Galaxy Robot Destroyer!" Then from a purple portal appeared two bynars, with over the removed monsters. They went under the foot of the robot (Superdimensional Galaxy Robot Destroyer ATK 5000-10000) "Then i activate his effect! By deteaching an Overlaing unit, i can destroy all the Magic and Trap card on your field!" the unit arrive at the eyes of the monster. Then the eyes fired a red light that destoyed Naschira's cover card "Then for you is really the end! I attack Hipno Gorgon!" a white laser rifle appeared in the hands of the monster, and he charged meanwhile the rifle was gathering energy. But Naschira had an ace up her sleeve. "I activate from my hand the effect of Snake Skeleton Guard of the Graveyard! By sending this card to the Graveyard from my hand i can negate an attack!" a skeletal snakes exit from a purple portal, wrapping the monster nd stopping the attack. "I'll destroy you in my next turn. I set a card and i end my turn." Turn 10: Naschira "It's my turn. Draw!" After she drew his card, in innatural cold felt on the room, like something of bad was arriving. "It's time to drop the mask" With this word, she started to change. Her helmet exploded, revealing snakes. Her nails become longer. From his back sprang two bat wings. His legs become a unice snake tail. Anna was disgusted "You are... a gorgon?!" Naschira replied "No, i'm something more. When i left my blind sister to serve a stonger force. The Caos!" Nelson was scared, and that was strange. He never had fear during a duel. But now in that duel there was something of supernatural. Naschira said "Now i show you how much can be strong the Caos! I activate Reverse Level Magic-Caos Force! When i activate this card, i can choose a Xyz monster on my field, destroy it and special summon from my deck a monster of the same tipe and with a Level equal to the Rank of the tributed monster! I choose Number 45: Hipnotic Gorgon!" a great fault was opened, and a lot of black arms exit from that and grabbed the Number. He tried to break free, but was all useless. The black arms dragged her inside the fault. Then there was a green explosion "True Chaos Xyz Change!" Then appeared a simbol that was the fusion of the male and female simbols. "Simbol of the insidiousness of the Dark Price, enchants these foolish mortals with your beuty! Number C45: Seductive Hipnotic Gorgon!" Meanwhile she said that, the sphere opened, showing a gorgon whit purple skin and wings, and with claws at the place of the hand. The rest become a skirt made of snakes. Number C45: Seductive Hipnotic Gorgon Level 12 Dark Reptile ATK 7000 DEF 4500 The monster have near him 3 black star with 8 tips, that are overlaing units. Nelson asked "But isn't a Xyz monster! How he could have overlaing units?" Naschira replied "Caos find fun change all the rules that mortals know. And a prove of thet are our monster!" They watched and they were shocked by what they saw; theire monster have 1000 ATK! (Superdimensional Galaxy Robot Distroyer 10000/2000-1000/5000) Anna asked "What you have made?" Nashira laughed and replied "When Caos Force is actived, the effect of all the face up card are inverted and the ATK and the DEF of all the face up monster are switched!" In a corner, the cloacked figure watched the duel. Naschira have used the moves 45 bis. When that card is actived, infected all the area with the caos power, so or Nelson and Anna won in a small time, or they and Yuma will died togethere. Naschira said "For YOU now is the end! Attack, Hipnotic Seductive Gorgon! Destroy Superdimensional Galaxy Robot Destroyer with your Damned Look!" The monster fired a green ray from his eyes, in the direction of the monster. But Nelson actived a trap "I activate Star Sparrow Forever! That card allow me to return Esper Star Sparrow from my Graveyard with 0 ATK in attack position!" the monster return from a purple portal and putted himself in front of the other monster with opened arms. Anna activated another Trap "I activate Railroad Protection! By banishing a "Train" monster with 3000 ATK or more, i prevents the damage taken from a battle, and prevent the destruction of the monster! I banish Gustaw Max!" Gustaw max passed quickly in front of Esper Star Sparrow, making a shield between him and the deadly ray. Naschira said "I activate the effect of my monster! After my battle phase, by deteaching a True Chaos Overlaing Unit, i can take control of a monster on your field! And deteached two of those!" the monster destroyed teo of his overlaing unit with the nails. Then his eyes start to glows of green light. Then the two monsters start to walk slowly, and they arrived at Naschira's field. "Now for YOU is over. You haven't card on your field or in the hand. For you is finish. I end my turn." Turn 11: Nelson "It's my turn. Draw!" "I activate the effect of Inarrestable Locomotive Boombang! By halving my Life points, if was banished or in the Graveyard, i can special summon him with his attack halved!(Nelson and Anna 2000-1000)" the monster reappered from a blue portal (Inarrestable Locomotive Boombang ATK 5000/2500. "Then attack Esper Star Sparrow!" The grey locomotive charged, detroing the black superhero (Naschira 2000-0) Then Naschira and all his snakes started to scream. But wasn't a normal scream, Was like a damned soul that was about to receive his punishment. Then a strange wind blowed, and Naschira and all his snakes slowly started to become dust. At the end, there weren't trace of they. Yuma didn't lost time and immediatly removed the cover from the key, and Astral exited quickly. He said "Hello Yuma. I think that you have a lot of things to tell me" In that moment, a cage of steel felt from the ceiling, but is distroyed at the contact with the floor. Inside there was Yuma's friends and the Barians. Yuma jumped from the balcony and went to his friends "Guys! How are you?" Tory replied "Fine Yuma!"" Then Caswell said "Ok, all was resolved, but... now we must carry someone" and pointed the Barian Out of the cave "Thank you, guys" Shouted Yuma "Don't mention it!" said Nelson, jumping from a tree from another for return to home "At the next, Yuma!" Said Anna, flying away. At that moment, the Barians started to woke up, said thing like "Mmm..." "What are happened?" Yuma and the others took Shark and Rio for the arms, and started to run quickly saing "I will explain you later!" The other Barians woke up. Durbe asked "Anione can say me what are happened? I remember only the green ray, and after... anithing" Misael replied, watching Yuma and the others "Yuma was saved by his friends. The battle against the conspirator is finished." Vector said "Well, Yuma have made aother things for me. Return to home now." but , when all were returning to theire word by the portals, he saw a shadow in the tunnel. "No, isn't finished" he thought The clocked figure, with the Number 45 and Number C45 in his hand, was angry. That stupid Naschira! He have gived to her the pure power of the caos, and she... anithing! And Yuma the next day will re-try to go to search the Legendary Number "Now Yuma, i will unleash against you the strongest force of that stupid planet!" he shout. The tunnel felt behind him. 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Therrion Posted June 21, 2013 Report Share Posted June 21, 2013 From what I read, just fix your grammar. I don't mean to sound rude by saying it, but I'd feel embarassed to put so much work into something just to have such noticeable grammar mistakes throughout the entirety of my creation. Present it professionally and it would appeal to more readers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tazeel3 Posted June 21, 2013 Author Report Share Posted June 21, 2013 From what I read, just fix your grammar. I don't mean to sound rude by saying it, but I'd feel embarassed to put so much work into something just to have such noticeable grammar mistakes throughout the entirety of my creation. Present it professionally and it would appeal to more readers. What you want to say with professional presentation? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swag swag swag swag swag s Posted June 21, 2013 Report Share Posted June 21, 2013 What you want to say with professional presentation? Professional as in not having a ton of grammar mistakes in such a short story. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bury the year Posted June 23, 2013 Report Share Posted June 23, 2013 Post all chapters in one thread, please. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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