tazeel3 Posted June 11, 2013 Report Share Posted June 11, 2013 I try to correct my new novel, but for grammar and lessic mistake's i need your help "We can go!" shout Yuma "Not" said Astral "Why?" Yuma was surprised by Astral's reply "Because Shark and Rio aren't here" replied the astral. After a look, Yuma said "Mmmm, it's true. And strange. Shark and his sister never arrived later." Meanwhile... "Faster, faster!" was shouting Rio. "That isn't a jet, is a motorbike!" replies his brother. "I know, but there is reaching!" she advised. Durbe could see is face reflected on Shark's motorbike. He said "Stop now, Reginald! Barian's can run up to 300 per hour if well-trained! You cannot leave me behind!" Shark'face was angry, but, in a moment, he began to smile and to slow down. Durbe was exulting "Ah! You understand that you have to give up!" but Shark gave him a strange answer, "If you can't negate the attack, banish the monster! Hold on Rio!" Shark turned quickly, but Durbe was running too fast and he could just go straight. "As I had expected. Now come on, Yuma and others have waited long enough. To the harbour!" He was saying, but at the first turn, they found Durbe at the end of the street. Shark, with a murderous look, said "I don't want to stop, so he has to move!" and accelerated. But when he was in front of Durbe, the alien jumps and drops Shark with a handful from the motorbike, and fortunately Rio manages to stop the motorcycle near. Shark was still trying to get back on their feet that Durbe launched a Barian sphere-cube, trapping inside him and Shark. Inside the sphere Shark, furios, asked to the Barian "What do you want from me?" Durbe smiled and said "It's natural. I want to duel with you. And if you didn't know, you can't get out until a Barian decides that. And I will release you only after you defeat me, so ... you can do only one thing." Shark knew what and prepared himself to duel. Durbe said "Good choice, Shark" turned in its true form and activated his duel equipment. Then they said, togethere "Duel!" Turn 1: Durbe Shark said to his sister "Rio, warns Yuma that we have aliens problems, but we will solve them in a quarter of an hour" "Ok" Then she tried to call Yuma but.... "The duel gazer is on, but there isn't anyone on the screen. That's strange...." At the harbour "Go Hope! Attck Ethere...." Yuma was about to give the order to attack, when the duel gazer began to play. "It's Rio!" He said, enthusiastic. Rio's face appeared in front of him, but did not speak. "Rio?Rio!" he called, but don't get answers. Yuma insisted "Rio where are you? What's going on? Where is Shark?" Silence. After some time, the call ended. Then Yuma said "That's strange. What are happening?" Over a skyscraper The cloaked figure watched amused the effects of the time bender. "Ahahahahahah! thanks to this device that I put on the duel pad of the humans in the area around their the time will slows down in a terrifying way!" Near the sphere Rio ended the call, then he said "Nothing to do Shark, Yuma does not respond!" Shark looked furious Durbe and said "You may know what you're doing?" Durbe calmly replied, "If you think I have to do with the fact that your sister can't call Yuma, I'm not the cause of the problem" Shark, angryer, asked "And then you can know what is it?" "I have no idea" Replied the alien "and I don't even care. It's my turn, Draw!" "First of all i summon Holy Lightning-Wings!" A pair of golden wings descended from a yellow hole . "Then i activate it's effect, that when is summoned i can special summon a Holy Lightning monster from my hand! Come out, Holy Lightning-Books!" and from another yellow hole descended a book "And then i activete Books effect! I can send a card from my hand to the Graveyard for special summon one Holy lightning monster from my hand, and i summon Holy lightning-Sword!" Holy Lightning-Wings Lv 4 Light Fairy ATK 1200 DEF 1800 Holy Lightning-Books Lv 4 Light Fairy ATK 1600 DEF 1400 Holy Lightning-Sword Lv4 Light Fairy ATK 1400 DEF 1000 "His number is coming!" Shark muttered. But Durbe said "I know what you're thinking: That now I will summon 102. But for this Duel I thought to do something a bit different" "What?" askeed Shark "You will see! I activate Abyssal Legion! When i active this card, all the monster on my field change attribute in Water increase the level of one for each monster on my field (Wings Lv 4-7) (Books 4-7) (Sword 4-7)!" The light over the three monsters was trailed off and they turned blue. Shark thought "What do you want to do with those monsters?" the answer came shortly after "I overlay the level 7 Holy Lightning Wings, Books and Sword!" The three monster became completly blue, and after shooting in the air "Xyz summon!" the rep portal was opened, and three monster go inside. Then was an explosion. "Then appear the God of all the sharks! The avenger of the Fiji's sea! Dakuwanga God Shark!" everyone expected to see a shark, but it appeared...... a mere man. Dakuwanga God Shark Rank 7 Water Sea sepent ATK 0 DEF 0 Shark stopped the laughter and said "And this would be the god of all the sharks? I was expecting something more threatening" Durbe replied "Never underestimate your opponent's monsters. I finish the round with a card face down" Durbe thought "Does not seem to say anything. Maybe when he see him in action ..." Turn 2: Shark "It's my turn. Draw!" "Then i summon Big Jaws!" The shark exit from the water on his field Rabca Friller Lv 3 Water Fish ATK 700 DEF 1500 "Then i special summon Shark Stickers thank his effect!" Shark Stickers Lv 3 Water Fish ATK 200 DEF 1000 But then Durbe made his moves "I activate the Quick-Spell card Demise of the Land! When my opponent special summon a monster i can active this card, that allows me to search a field card in my deck and active it! And i chose Umi!" The zone around them became a seabed "Until this card is on the field, the ATK and the DEF of all the Fish, Sea Serpent, Aqua and Thunder-Tipe monster are increased of 400 (Rabca Friller 700/1500-1100/1900) (Shark Stickers 200/1000-600/1400) (Dakuwanga God Shark 0/0-400/400)!" Shark re stopped the laughter and said "Thank Durbe! Now i can crush you faster!" But Durbe said "Are you really sure of that?" "Uh?" Shark can't understood. Durbe expleined him what he wanted to say "I activate Dakuwanga's effect! Until Umi is on the field, he gains 3000 ATK, and can't be destroyed (Dakuwanga God Shark 400-3400)!" The man turned into a huge shark! Shark wasn't intimated and said "This does not change my plans! I overlay the level 3 Big Jaws and Shark Stickers!" The two monster became blue and after shotting in the air "Xyz summon!" The red portal was opened, and the two monster finish inside it. After there was an explosion. "Appear Submersible Carrier Aereo Shark!" Submersible Carrier Aereo Shark Rank 3 Water Fish ATK 1900 DEF 1000 "Thank to the effect of Umi he gains 400 ATK and DEF (Submersible Carrier Aereo Shark 1900/1000-2300/1400), then i activate his effect! By deteaching an Xyz Unit, i can inflict you 400 life points for each card in my hand! I have 4 card, so i can inflict you 1200 Life points!" The monster fired 4 missiles, but Durbe was prepareted "I activate Dakuwanga's effect! When my opponent active an effect that chose one of my card as a target or inflict me Life Points, by deteaching an Xyz Unit, i can negate that effect and destroy the card!" The Xyz unit went inside the monster's mouth, then he charged eating first the missiles, and after Shark's monster! Shark start to thought "I must destroy Umi for win, but i can't with that monster on the field!" Then he made the best move that he could do "I set a card and end my turn" Turn 3: Durbe "It's my turn.Draw!" "Go Dakuwanga! Attack Shark directly! Giant Bite!" The shark charged with the mouth opened to eat Shark, But he active a Trap card "I activate the Trap card Zeus Breath! When my opponent declare an attack with a monster, i can activate this card to negate it!" A poseidon statue's appear and with a strong wind reject the monster. Durbe then said. "Umpf. A rescue at the last minute. I set a card and i end my turn." Turn 4: Shark "It's my turn Draw!" "Then i activate submerged treasure!" A chest appeared near Shark "I can activate that card only if i have no monster on my field. I can draw two card!" Work in progress (You never go to the doctor?) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bury the year Posted June 11, 2013 Report Share Posted June 11, 2013 I have told you to message me with a revised version, not to keep posting. I don't like being the mean mod, and I understand that English may not be your first language, but there are rules everyone needs to abide by. Please follow my instructions in your original thread before posting any further here. Locked. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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