A Letter Long Overdue

[VictorSempra]

Hi everyone, my name is Maxxion. I've been around the site for a while, and there's something I need to own up to. Back in 2010, I lost someone very dear to me to cystic fibrosis. We had an online relationship for several years, and we had been engaged for about six months. Every day I have missed her dearly, and today I decided that I needed to write a very long overdue letter to her.

 

 

May 31, 2013

 

Hi honey,

 

It's been a long time since I've said anything to you, and I'm sorry. There's jsut been so much going on, and I've been trying my hardest to push forward like I promised you I would. But you've always been in thoughts, and every day since you departed I've missed you.

 

Remember how in love we used to be? Spent all of our free time (and then some, which usually got us in trouble for being up in th e wee hours of the morning) talking to each other, most of the time about nothing in particular. All the fun we had playing games together. I always knew you meant more to me than the world, but now that I reflect back on it I guess I never truly realized the full extent of my love for you.

 

Dearest Sylvia, 2 1/2 years has felt like an eternity to me, and every so often I cannot help but think back on those final days and cry like a child all over again. I am greedy, I admit, in wishing that you had stayed, but I know in my heart that it was better for you, and that does make me happy. Though, I doubt I will ever stop grieving for you, my dearest.

 

I know people say your supposed to live with no regrets, but honestly, I have many. I regret every argument we had and I know each of them was born from my naivety. I regret never coming to visit you even when I had the means. But most importantly, I regret that I wasn't able to keep my promise to you. I promised to you I would so something with my life and honor your memory, but I regret to say that in these 2 1/2 years I have done nothing but flounder about and wallow in my own emotions. Every day I've damned myself because I failed you, and I am sorry.

 

Please know that you will forever be in my heart, dearest Sylvia, and while I may not have been able to keep my promise to succeed, I will promise to live life as best as I can, for the both of us.

 

I love you, now and forever.

Leighton

[Junkwarriordude]

That is so heartbreaking Maxxion. All I have to say is that im sure she's missing you as much as you miss her and that no matter what happens you'll both be together :3 you just gotta have hope. Wish you the best of luck and cheer up Max

 

-Norman/Junkwarriordude

[VictorSempra]

That is so heartbreaking Maxxion. All I have to say is that im sure she's missing you as much as you miss her and that no matter what happens you'll both be together :3 you just gotta have hope. Wish you the best of luck and cheer up Max

 

-Norman/Junkwarriordude

Thank you, it's greatly appreciated. Just had one of those nights where I couldn't help but think back, so I felt I needed to get this off my chest.

[Merci]

This is beautiful.

 

I will not comment on its beauty, however. There are some parallels with my life that I'd rather not touch upon at this point of time in YCM.

 

Oh, but by the way, you'd better have sent this to her already.

[VictorSempra]

This is beautiful.

 

I will not comment on its beauty, however. There are some parallels with my life that I'd rather not touch upon at this point of time in YCM.

 

Oh, but by the way, you'd better have sent this to her already.

She passed 2 1/2 years ago.

[Merci]

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I apologize, honestly. I skipped the first part. I don't know the feeling completely, but I once had a girlfriend with that same thing... *sigh*

 

If that's the case...you should close your eyes and pray this letter to heaven. Or, simply write it down and then read it aloud in an empty field. A letter that isn't sent, means nothing to the receiver. This is just my own opinion, and what I would do if it happened to me. I just think it's right.

[VictorSempra]

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I apologize, honestly. I skipped the first part. I don't know the feeling completely, but I once had a girlfriend with that same thing... *sigh*

 

If that's the case...you should close your eyes and pray this letter to heaven. Or, simply write it down and then read it aloud in an empty field. A letter that isn't sent, means nothing to the receiver. This is just my own opinion, and what I would do if it happened to me. I just think it's right.

Totally understand that, and I did shortly after I wrote it.

[ImNotKarma]

This made me cry. May she stay close to your heart and in mind

I see your love is a never-ending and all I hope is one day I find someone I can fill with all my love just like you did.

Thank you for telling us this tale and I know at least a few people are here for you and she is too.

[VictorSempra]

This made me cry. May she stay close to your heart and in mind

I see your love is a never-ending and all I hope is one day I find someone I can fill with all my love just like you did.

Thank you for telling us this tale and I know at least a few people are here for you and she is too.

Thanks, appreciate it. I have no doubt in my mind you will find someone, and when you do hold that person tight to your heart. Like literally, with some rope n' stuff.

[L0SS]

I'm not religious, so I won't talk about heaven or praying.

 

I will say that this is a touching and moving peace, and it is obvious that you have a deep love and bond with her. I hope you find peace and solace, and always cherish the time that you've spent with her. 

 

Thank you for sharing such a deep and personal experience with us.

[Therrion]

I respect you Plain for not attacking the religious comment due to your not being religious. I read it and expected religion to be flamed.

I also respect you Max for being able to actually press that "Post Topic", and forever have your heart revealed to all who visit this part of the internet.

 

While I hope you to keep that love forever, and always cherish every breathe you shared with her, I more so hope you let go of those regrets. I recently lost my girlfriend that I'd been with for quite a while, and she ripped away just about everything I had to treasure on her way out. I regretted many things, but came to realize regrets were just burdens and I shouldn't weigh myself down with them. I want to be happy, so I can't laze about and hate myself. I'm sure she wants you to be happy as much now as she did before her passing, and I imagine you're not fulfilling this and have come to embrace that you haven't, hence your apology. Wouldn't it hurt for her to know you still regret some things, even if not her fault, involving her? Let go of regrets. Cherish the great.

[Rapidfire]

I'm sorry for your lose. 

When you write letters to someone and never send them it's like you never got your head in the clear. It sucks, and I have to say that writing love letters isn't that hard. I guess the hard part is sending them and letting the one you love read them. So even though your lover passed you still got this out into the open, maybe not soulfully for her eyes but this still takes courage. I can appriciate that, and what you wrote not only compelles me to maybe let my letters see the light of day but it also makes me realize how much of a coward I am. But that's okay, maybe not today or tomorrow but someday. 

Congrats on writing something so gorgeous.