Dark Shinato, just felt like posting this to see feedback.

[Shinobi Phoenix]

Just feel like getting some feedback on this old card here since I recently updated the text (so I haven't changed the effect or anything, it's still "final version").  I always enjoyed the idea and thought the art was quite appropriate, but never play-tested it much because it's meant to be very close to the original Shinato Ritual and I know how that card plays since it used to be in one of my old Decks when I was new to the game years ago.

Tell me what you think, as always, personal application feedback is the most appreciated above others (as in how you would use it, not how you think others would use it or what is suddenly broken or Tier 0 if this card exist).  Let's try to be positive or at least appropriately constructive.

[spoiler=Dark Shinato, Tyrant of Heaven]

[spoiler=Stats and Lore]8 Stars
DARK / Angel
ATK 3300 / DEF 3000
EFFECT:  Can be Normal Summoned without Release if you have at least 4 DARK monsters with different names in your Graveyard. Can be Special Summoned (from your hand or Graveyard) by banishing 1 Ritual Monster Card and another Ritual Monster or Ritual Magic Card from your hand, Deck or Graveyard. If you do, this card is destroyed during your End Phase. If this card destroys a monster in battle and sends it to the Graveyard: Banish 1 DARK monster in your Graveyard; Inflict damage to your opponent equal to that monster's original ATK.[/spoiler][/spoiler]

[Zazubat]

OCG fix: You can (simply change here, not needed, but more modern cards use it) Normal Summoned without Tributing (realease is not an actual term) if you have at least 4 DARK monsters with different names in your Graveyard. You can (as above) Special Summoned (from your hand or Graveyard) by banishing 1 Ritual Monster and another Ritual Monster (no need for card anymore) or Ritual Spell (it's not called Magic anymore) Card from your hand, Deck or Graveyard, and if you do, (added an and instead of the dot) this card is destroyed during your End Phase. If this card destroys a monster in battle and sends it to the Graveyard: Banish 1 DARK monster in your Graveyard; inflict (simply changed it to lowercase, it's only colons you uppercase in card effects) damage to your opponent equal to that monster's original ATK.

 

Review: I don't really like the design, it's like a Machina Fortress, which if you equip your deck with a ton of Ritual Monsters and Ritual Spell Cards can really pack a punch because of it's eternal SS. I would consider making it hand only, or making it unable to banish the cards from the hand. The burn effect is just crazy, if you got a bunch of these guys, you can deal over 3000 damage in one turn, I would make it half of it's original ATK at least. I don't really get why you would need the Normal as the SS is extreamly OP. Tone that down, and maybe a tad less ATK, and it could work.

[Shinobi Phoenix]

OCG fix: You can (simply change here, not needed, but more modern cards use it) Normal Summoned without Tributing (realease is not an actual term) if you have at least 4 DARK monsters with different names in your Graveyard. You can (as above) Special Summoned (from your hand or Graveyard) by banishing 1 Ritual Monster and another Ritual Monster (no need for card anymore) or Ritual Spell (it's not called Magic anymore) Card from your hand, Deck or Graveyard, and if you do, (added an and instead of the dot) this card is destroyed during your End Phase. If this card destroys a monster in battle and sends it to the Graveyard: Banish 1 DARK monster in your Graveyard; inflict (simply changed it to lowercase, it's only colons you uppercase in card effects) damage to your opponent equal to that monster's original ATK.

 

Review: I don't really like the design, it's like a Machina Fortress, which if you equip your deck with a ton of Ritual Monsters and Ritual Spell Cards can really pack a punch because of it's eternal SS. I would consider making it hand only, or making it unable to banish the cards from the hand. The burn effect is just crazy, if you got a bunch of these guys, you can deal over 3000 damage in one turn, I would make it half of it's original ATK at least. I don't really get why you would need the Normal as the SS is extreamly OP. Tone that down, and maybe a tad less ATK, and it could work.

 

Well, I definitely wasn't looking for OCG Fixes (and never will here, I have friends offline who make cards and are judges and translators for that), and I used to have that line in my Signature until I read somewhere here that it wasn't necessary to tell people that directly.  I guess that wasn't entirely true.  I will address yours anyway (in order):

 

[spoiler=OCG Fixes]

-- #1:  Given how insistent of Konami still comes out, both would be fine anyway, especially on modern cards given they are trying to shorten everything else.  If we have "Cannot be...", "Must be...", and "Can be Special Summoned" it stands to reason that "Can be Normal Summoned..." should be fine.  Also... check Dododo Bot.  They seem to really like dancing around making everything else short, don't they?  Standard Konami inconsistency...  Also, you also added "You can" to the Special Summon instructions... even though that has been covered by Konami's Problem-Solving Card Text and you know you have seen all modern cards following it... You might want to review all those articles again.

 

-- #2:  "Tributing" issue.  My Signature alone covers the fact that I absolutely use the Japanese OCG terms, so there's no reason to bring it up unless we're going for a pointless "OCG vs TCG" conversation and those fanbase enough as it is. Also, I'm an English Major trying to be teacher, it's going to nag me to purposely write in English incorrectly... since...

 

...there's no such word in the English language as "Tributing" (it's just a fake word they use as a term out of laziness and keeping it separate from the "other game").  It was interesting years ago seeing a lot of cards saying "Tributing" and others released same time said "using as a Tribute" (which would be grammatically and linguistically correct).  I support "Release" because it's an existing word (release, released, releasing), concise and appropriate if one knows the other definitions of the word.

 

-- #3:  "and another Ritual Monster (no need for card anymore) or Ritual Spell (it's not called Magic anymore)"

The OCG vs TCG issue was covered already.  The Magic to Spell change is only in TCG because of UDE losing that stupid copyright suit against Wizards for actually trying to trademark Magic Card... in a world where Magic the Gathering exist.  Wizards wasn't having that.  Next: Using "Card" is context and proper English because the second part of the effect instruction is different from the first and I wanted to distinguish it.  "Used one kind of card, then choosing between two different kinds of cards" and you can't say "Ritual Magic/Spell" without card.

 

-- #4:  "and if you do, (added an and instead of the dot) this card is destroyed during your End Phase."

 Not part of the previous effect at all, just looks for the previous effect as a condition (Konami still does those too).  Can be negated on its own without bothering the previous effect in any way (though it is continuous if the prerequisite condition is met, hence not using a colon) .  "Then, and if you do" would have also been incorrect and confused someone even more.

 

-- #5:  "inflict (simply changed it to lowercase, it's only colons you uppercase in card effects)"

That is that nagging need to write in proper English again.  Words are capitalized after a semi-colon in most cases as a semi-colon is essentially a colon and a period. In layman's terms, it's basically how you make two sentences into one without losing their individual or important focuses.  So not-capitalizing isn't going to happen as I would rather go with proper English over Konami's rather consistently bad English (again... that "Tributing" issues upsets me).[/spoiler]

 

 

So, sorry, you wasted your time trying to do OCG Fixes.  That's why I say "application feedback is most appreciated", it's me saying skip straight to the review and tell me how you would use it instead of "fixing" something you only assume is broken without knowing what your creator wants.

 

------------------------------------------------------------

 

I hate I am just now getting to response to the actual review or this post would have been so much shorter.  Anyway:

 

Short answer:  Maybe the card just looks scary on paper (I don't think so though).

 

[Spoiler=Long answer]The design is to just convert the original over directly but still keep it in locked to being Ritual support (Shinato needs to be Summoned as a Ritual, my card needs to use Rituals to come out if you want it fast).  Remember it kills itself if you Special Summon it by its own effect, so you already ate some of its "food" once, how many Ritual Monsters do you have in the same Deck to eat?  You're not supposed to be able to infinitely Summon it through its "cheat".  You are restricted by how many Ritual cards are in your Deck in general, and since you won't be shoving that many in without crippling your Deck, that is its limit without a lot of manipulation. The Special Summon for at least that reason alone is not OP.

 

The damage and how the effect triggers is exact to original Shinato except replacing "Defense Position" with the "Banish 1 DARK" cost.  Most of my few changes are based on how Darklord Zerato was designed (the Summoning AND.  If you worked to get 3 of these on the field somehow, I think you deserve to do way more than 3000 damage in a turn (see also: The Darklord Zerato OTK, which was NEVER restricted ever).  My card is the same.  Incidentally, one could attempt to do the same OTK with my card and see if you can get away with it but since it's battle based, the risk of backfire is great so you really have to eat resources to do it.[/spoiler]

 

I don't think the card is nearly as much as you feel it is on paper.

[Darkneptune]

The artwork is excellent for what the card represents. Also the summoning clause lets it be summoned quickly in any basic ritual deck, which will most likely take the enemy by surprise, even if it only lasts one turn. his battle effect is very cool and in a dark ritual deck this guy would totally kill. i like the design and concept, very cool.

[Sora1499]

Teehee it's broken. 3300 ATK is nothing to laugh about, Shinobi, considering how it gets over damn near everything, and getting this guy on board is easy in quite a few decks. That, in and of itself, makes it a good card. Powerful, but not broken. Oh wait, there's more? It also inflicts decent burn damage, and pretty massive burn if you banish something big. This means that it attempts to end games prematurely, especially because it can kill almost anything your opponent throws at you. But we're not done yet? It also summons itself from the grave without any physical cost. Yeah, it requires you to run crappy cards in your deck, but the fact remains that the overall premise is "Lol, u can't kill me" akin to Grapha. Sure, it destroys itself during the end phase, but you know what's nice? Whacking your opponent in the face with 3300 points OR killing their big bad boss that they worked so hard for.

[Love of Ghibli]

Its an excessive monster. Its not necessarily broken because it doesn't protect itself from D-prison or Bottomless but at the same time its a lot for one card to have. 

 

Its a level 8 Trade-in target so you could just draw two cards then thin your deck two cards for a 3300 boss monster. That's a lot just on the front end. It gets more excessive with the burn. Monsters that burn are usually balanced in the since that they have decent attack and they can't attack after they burn or they have little attack points so when they burn you can smash them quickly. This has big attack points and will keep swinging because who doesn't attack with a 3300 monster. So this burn becomes quite imposing. Finally since you mentioned Darklord Zerato and how he dies at the end phase, people already find ways to get around his end phase effect. Whether they be the viruses, Athena, sacking for something else, or what have you, its an attempt to balance a card that is essentially a Dark Rageki maker. Whatever people do to dodge Zerato will be used for this Shinato. Shinato is just a tad worse because you could thin your deck 2 cards then Virus him off then thin your deck 2 more cards and he's back.