Dejhad Posted March 10, 2008 Report Share Posted March 10, 2008 can you please lock this?I am making a new one and I'm going to start fresh Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Ruby Posted March 11, 2008 Report Share Posted March 11, 2008 it's ok your getting there but still needs work ^_^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dejhad Posted March 11, 2008 Author Report Share Posted March 11, 2008 Chapter Two coming Soon (pm me ifyou can give me tips) Edit: I have a better idea of what to do andim changing the entire story Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dejhad Posted March 13, 2008 Author Report Share Posted March 13, 2008 [spoiler=Chapter One]Chapter One- Meeting a Death Dueler (part One)Chapter One- Meeting a Death Dueler (part One) Kieth Maze was standing outside the entrance to the Alchemetic Duel School, he knew he needed to concentrate on dueling and he couldnt forget the strategy he got from his sister Tobey Seth was standing close to him, he too, was waiting outside the Alchemetic Duel School tryouts, but with his mothers recent death, and only his father to take care of him, he was having a hard time keeping his mind on his new strategy The first duel was almost over Boy #1-3500Boy #2-200 Boy #1 had a shark looking monster on the field (Great White, 1500/800/lvl 4/Water) and a Octopus looking monster (Fiend Kraken, 2400/2400/lvl 6/ Water) Boy #2 only had a trap card Boy #1- great white! attack him!Boy #2- activate trap: Unplugged, with unplugged I can destroy one attacking water type monster (Great White Destroyed) Boy #1- 3500boy #2-500 Boy #2's turn, DRAW,- I summon, Uraby (1500/800/lvl 4/ earth)and I activate Desert Battlefield, with desert battlefield all the earth type monsters on the field gain 1000 attack points, and all water type monsters lose 1000, hehehe, loss of water? URABY ATTACK! Fiend Kraken DestroyedBoy #1-2400Boy #2-500 Boy #1's Turn, DRAW, its over, I activate Ookazi(the field starts to burn on boy #2's side of the field, and deals 800 damage to boy #2) Boy #1-2400Boy #2-0Duel OverDuel Over Kieth to Tobey- that was intenseTobey- yeah, this is gonna be tough Intercom- Next 2 duelers are, Kieth Maze Vs. Kyle... unknown last name Kyle+Kieth- DUEL!!! Kyle-4000Kieth-4000 Kieth- My turn first,I set a card Kieth's Thought- he'll never see this comin' Kyle's Turn-DRAW-I'll summon Tera Beast (1500/1500/lvl 4/Wind)a bright yellow flying creature appeared on the fieldand then I activate Negative Effect, which is a contuous card Kieth thought- there has to be something with that negative effect, but would it effect my monster?it dosnt matter, good thing its effect states: does not require tributes Kyle- Tera Beast attack!(the tera beast attacks and destroys Shriek of darkness) Kieth- activate effect, since you destroyed it by battle, it can be used as a ritual for a card, and since it has 9 stars, it can be used as the entire tribute, so I summon Paladin Magicain(for some reason, Paladin Magicain isnt summoned in attack mode, but Paladin Defender (0/3000/lvl 8/Light)a man with yellow armor and a big shield appeared on the field Kieth- What happened?!?!Kyle- my negative effect card picks the worst possible thing that could happen with a card effect, and does that instead of what you want it to do Kyle- go tera beast! attack! Kyle-4000Kieth-2500 Kyle- i'll end my turn after setting these two cardsKieth-ok, its my turn, and I summon Element Warrior (1700/1200/lvl 4/Earth) now, attack his Tera Beast!a man with red armor and a longsword appeare on the field Kyle-3800Kieth-2500 To be Continued on Chapter Two [spoiler=Chapter Two]Chapter Two-Meeting a Death Dueler (Part Two)Chapter Two-Meeting a Death Dueler (Part Two) Kyle-3800Kieth-2500 The card on the field was Element Striker (1700/1200/lvl 4/Light)a man with golden armor and a longsword Kyle's Turn,DRAW, i'll summon Dark Creeper (1000/500/lvl 3/Dark)I end Kiet's Turn,DRAW, first: I summon Scyth Attacker (1800/1200/lvl 4/Dark) and I attack with it! The man in drk armour jumped across he field and destroyed Dark Creeper Kyle- ACTIVATE TRAP! when a monster is set to the graveyard by a result of battle, and I lose life points, I can summon 1 monster fom my hand with under 2000 attack points! like it? the cards called refomation, and I choose to summon Giant Soldier of Stone in dfence mode! (1300/2000/lvl 3/Earth) Kyle-2000Kieth-2500 Kyle's Turn,DRAW, now I activate my other card, Tribute to the Earth!I can remove one Earth type moster from my side of the field and destroy one of your mosters, I'll dcard my Giant Soilder of Stone, and il destroy your Scyth Attacker! Kieth-a sacrifice ill have to live with Kyle- and I almost forgot to mention, half of its defence gets deducted from your life points Kyle-2000Kieth-1900 Kieth's Turn,DRAW, grrrr, guess im gonna have to live with this too Kyle-and whats that? Kieth-THIS! ctivate spell card, detonate! both our life points are cut in half, but you forgot something Kyle- and what did I forget?!?! Kieth- after sacrifing your monster, you have none left on the field, so GO ELEMENT STRIKER ATTACK!!! Kyle-0Kieth-950DUEL OVERDUEL OVER Kyle-What?! I lost?! impossible!!! I looked up every strategy he could of used! Kieth- so you cheated, ah well it was still a good duel, and you only lost because you forgot to put a monster on the field (Kieth then finds that Kyle has ran off into the woods, and then the intercom ives some info important if you want to understand who Kyle was) Intercom- we now have information on Kyle's last name,its Scorock END CHAPTER TWO [spoiler=Chapter Three] Chapter 3- The Duel School Tobey to Kieth- Good thing we both got into the same league(he was referring to the five different legues, Novice,Amature,Riser,Experianced,Pro, they were both in Riser) Kieth- and to think, we even got the same dorm Tobey- yeah, lets get some sleep, tommorrows our first day One night passes as they sleep Kieth waking Tobey up- Come on get up! we can't be late for a class on our first day! TOBEY! Tobey then shot out of bed and got ready for his first class, Duel Expieriance, where a person is picked out of the lower three legues to duel somebody from the higher two, they arrived at thier class just before it started Kieth- Well, that was close ?- you had exatly 3 seconds before you were late Tobey (turning)- who are you ?- my names Desmond, and you are Kieth- Kieth, Kieth Maze Tobey- Tobey Seth Desmond- nice to meet you, what legue are you in? Tobey- we're in Risers Desmond- one league away from me! I'm in Expierianced Tobey- well, Its nice to meet you but the match is starting Kieth- is there anything that we should know about thios class? Desmond- well, this is my second year so I'll tell you something about this class, andany class ou go to, the teachers are fierce, if you lose, and your the higher leager, they get angry at you realy fast, and if it wasnt close, you have a chance of getting expelled Tobey- wow, thats harsh, but I realy think we should pay attention to the... ?- NO TALKING!! Kieth- wha- ?- all three of you! to princapal Higgin's office Tobey- yes sir Desmond- what did I tell you? At principal Higgins office, they got a long lecture on how dueling requires concentration, and then an even longer lecture on how easily Mr. Jarsha, the man that sent them there, gets mad for talking Higgin- so,if you come back here in the next two weeks, you will be expelled from the Alchemetic Duel School, understood? Tobey,Kieth,Desmond- Understood Next Tobey and Kieth went to different classes, but Kieth went to the next same class as Desmond, and he found out, he went to 4 of the same classes, and Tobey only went to two of his, and he found that very wierd END CHAPTER 3 I'm accepting Character applications just fill out this form Name:Appearence:Personality:Likes:Dislikes:Hobbies:Deck:Real or Fake Cards or Mix:Good/Evil: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Atomix Posted March 13, 2008 Report Share Posted March 13, 2008 Better, definatly better Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Ruby Posted March 13, 2008 Report Share Posted March 13, 2008 Actually it is a lot better Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dejhad Posted March 14, 2008 Author Report Share Posted March 14, 2008 thx, but this wouldnt rank up to the highest fan fics but i'd say it'dhave at least a 7/10 rating Edit: chapter two up and quickly advised (which means there might still be errors) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Umbra Posted March 14, 2008 Report Share Posted March 14, 2008 I have a few issues.My turn first, I summon Shriek of Darkness in face-up defence mode (0/0/lvl 9/Dark) 1. Monsters can not be summoned in face-up Defense Position. This is not an anime.2. He summoned a Level 9 without Tributes? And it appearently doesn't have any Type? Kieth-1900detonate! both our life points are cut in half,Kieth-8001900/2 = 950, not 800. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dejhad Posted March 14, 2008 Author Report Share Posted March 14, 2008 sry dude I'll revise it, and for the face-up defence mode, this is my fan fic, but i'll change it right away Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dejhad Posted March 15, 2008 Author Report Share Posted March 15, 2008 This is so I dont add to it and nobody ever sees it because its sooooo far down the list Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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