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[Guest Mako † CRUX]

moved

 

Lock whenever.

[Umbra]

It is a bit short. 2000 words - just over three pages - is a good word count to shoot for when you're starting out.

 

That said... I can't really tell what the story's about. Sure, there's a war going on, involving airships and some group called "skins" and the "Dominion", but other than that, I don't know anything. Who are these people? Who are they fighting? What is the war about? Some sort of informative prologue, just to set the tone of the story, would be nice to see.

 

Two chapters in, and we don't really have any characters, either. There's the admiral, who seemingly can't speak without shouting, and... that's about it. He's the only one with a name, and he only really has a defining characteristic. He doesn't feel like an actual person, but rather a typical stereotype. Maybe that's what you were shooting for, I don't know. Feels kind of flat either way.

 

Overall, I would say that you have a good setting for a story, but it's not a full-fledged tale yet.

[Guest Mako † CRUX]

It is a bit short. 2000 words - just over three pages - is a good word count to shoot for when you're starting out.

 

That said... I can't really tell what the story's about. Sure, there's a war going on, involving airships and some group called "skins" and the "Dominion", but other than that, I don't know anything. Who are these people? Who are they fighting? What is the war about? Some sort of informative prologue, just to set the tone of the story, would be nice to see.

 

Two chapters in, and we don't really have any characters, either. There's the admiral, who seemingly can't speak without shouting, and... that's about it. He's the only one with a name, and he only really has a defining characteristic. He doesn't feel like an actual person, but rather a typical stereotype. Maybe that's what you were shooting for, I don't know. Feels kind of flat either way.

 

 

This is good. I wanted to see how much people could draw from such a small start. You got most everything correct, except one thing. But it was my fault anyway. The Dominion is the name of one of the Reverence-Class vessels in the fleet, with the word "class" being something I forgot to add to the beginning. I added it though.

 

Overall, I would say that you have a good setting for a story, but it's not a full-fledged tale yet.

 

This is precisely what it is. I sat down, thought for a moment, and started writing. No character names. A very basic setting. Almost like a bystander had stumbled in and had been watching for a few moments.

 

That said, if I do continue, most of what isn't explained here will be later. This would be hardly a short story; a small book if anything.

 

Also, yes, Dracus is supposed to fit a "Proud and Angry Captain" stereotype. xD

 

Thanks a bunch.

 

 

Edit: I'm probably going to restructure the whole "Chapter" thing I have going. Perhaps smash 1 and 2 together, and make the next 2 just as long.

 

Edit2: I've completely revamped the op. Mostly took things out, made it smaller, but this shall be an official story now.

 

Edit3: Scrolling through, making minor fixes and changes.

[Guest Mako † CRUX]

Close enough to bump. 'Cause it would've been depressing to edit the same post four times. :<

 

Made a minor change the end of chapter 1, and chapter 2 is currently going through processing.

[Guest Mako † CRUX]

BUMP

 

Despite not getting any help on looking through CH2 (I didn't look real hard ._.), I decided to release it.

 

 

Because eh. Why not?