A Compilation of Some Poetry, and Some Not Really Poetry

[Marisa Kirisame-ze]

[size=4]I've fallen for a writer, which has brought me to write too. I'd like to think that most of the passages I write are poetic, or entirely poetry themselves. I'd love some constructive criticism, but my point for this is to indulge anyone into a different perspective, and maybe gain an overall understanding or for anyone reading to relate. Enjoy.[/size]

[size=4]((and I know nothing is uppercased, no need to point it out))[/size]

[size=3][spoiler=museums][color=#2A2B2C]people have a very good way of washing the focus of my surroundings away and making everything a blur for me, everything, besides them. in my haven, my only escape, i spend hours looking among paintings and sculptures that speak volcanic volumes, yet are only squares or rounded objects that hang edgily along a wall, or stand at the top of a sort of throne-like display. i can take it all in during my few minutes within an exhibit, and map out the artist’s meaning and planned out, but often paralleled with, spontaneous intentions. i lose myself there, and forget that i’m alive, only to let these images create false memories in my head so i can relate. but people are all around me there, and i couldn’t feel alone in a museum. i usually never can, which unbalances my hope for escape and feeling of invisible existence, and i begin to realize that people keep their attention on me, just as i do on them. that never fails to surprise me, because we’re all surrounded by better things to pay attention to there. but when a woman steps in front of me, takes out her sketch book and begins drawing what she sees in the renaissance painting in front of her, i begin to forget about the original painting, and spend my time focusing on her. then i forget that i stand within a museum, as her piercings, her bangs shorter than her forehead, and her tights and doc martens fill my head of the life she probably lives. and when another woman, who i’ve noticed takes in every single piece in the room, without skipping a painted quote or explanation on the walls, finally catches up to where i was along the exhibit, i lose track of what way i went around the room, and realize that i’ve been looking at the same paintings all over again just to be in sync with her. but my eyes don’t truly see the paintings, as my vision turns to it’s corner and i spend my time looking at this woman’s dynamics. i couldn’t tell you at all of what i saw in the museum. it’s all a blur and a misplaced memory, but i could tell you every detail about these people from what i saw of them. and sometimes i wonder if the real art in these places are the art itself, or the people that fill the rooms.[/color][/spoiler]
[spoiler=walls][color=#2A2B2C]i always think about[/color]
[color=#2A2B2C]how easy it is for me
to shatter walls.
or climb them
or see through them
or carve cliche,
flowery hearts
as an arc into
someone’s deep
seeded soul.
i’ve heard people
voice to me just how
secure they are.
how they don’t let
anyone in.
and seconds later,
i see them
vulnerable.
if there’s one thing
that gets me
through the day,
it’s the way
i’ve seen and
heard and cried
with the thickest
of walls,
and the sincerest
of hearts. [/color][/size]

[size=3][color=#2A2B2C]there’s never
a feeling i’ve
valued more
than that
connection. [/color]
[/spoiler]
[spoiler=I'd love to find myself between her lines][color=#2A2B2C]thoughts about loving a writer-[/color]
[color=#2A2B2C]-i’m still not sure if this love will ever be settled at friends, but i’d hope that one day, far from now, i’ll go out to a book store, or maybe even a little cafe down the block, and spend my time gazing at the names of the alignments on the shelves and suddenly, something will stop me in my tracks, and i’ll feel my heart drop for a moment, only to be brought back to life again in a mixture of pride and heightened admiration that’ll probably overwhelm me and deliver the widest smile on my face. there, i’ll see it - your name. printed beautifully in a font that i haven’t seen before because you’re all too sublime to pick anything generic that doesn’t sing and curve to each letter. i’ll pick up that book, or that magazine, or that assortment of poetry, or maybe even a scattered journal accidentally left over, and i have a feeling that moment will be the happiest moment in my art appreciating life. [/color][/spoiler]
[spoiler=flowery writing][color=#2A2B2C]before i knew you i didn’t know what it meant to[/color]
[color=#2A2B2C]have a secret you could never truly keep to yourself.[/color]
[color=#2A2B2C]i didn’t know how melancholy thinking of the future was,[/color]
[color=#2A2B2C]and how intangible the grey, darkening past felt.[/color]
[color=#2A2B2C]i spent months in haunting sadness below[/color]
[color=#2A2B2C]my disheartened, tortured soul that longed to love [/color]
[color=#2A2B2C]and be loved in return, nearly hopelessly.[/color]
[color=#2A2B2C]you washed that all away, cleansing my spirit[/color]
[color=#2A2B2C]and redeeming the time i had lost to sinful depths.[/color]
[color=#2A2B2C]before i knew you i wasn’t sure what it meant[/color]
[color=#2A2B2C]to be free or whimsical or soundly awake.[/color]
[color=#2A2B2C]you opened doors for me and cut the chains[/color]
[color=#2A2B2C]of the glass windows and dulled the edges of [/color]
[color=#2A2B2C]the stabbing shards so i’d feel alive from now on.[/color]
[color=#2A2B2C]so i’d feel the wind closer to home, and feel[/color]
[color=#2A2B2C]the pull of the ocean heaving at my soul gracefully. [/color]
[color=#2A2B2C]the first time i was able to really take in the[/color]
[color=#2A2B2C]impassioned, hazel essence of your longing eyes[/color]
[color=#2A2B2C]was the first time i saw what true beauty was.[/color]
[color=#2A2B2C]and i’ve been so lucky to get to look into them so often[/color]
[color=#2A2B2C]and feel you through the cracks of my bones,[/color]
[color=#2A2B2C]patching up my wrongs, and showing me that[/color]
[color=#2A2B2C]where you stand beside my clumsy, mistaken self,[/color]
[color=#2A2B2C]is where all the right in my life is now located.[/color]
[color=#2A2B2C]before i knew you i didn’t know there was such [/color]
[color=#2A2B2C]a thing as loving someone lightly and sincerely[/color]
[color=#2A2B2C]bright and delightfully thrilling with hues that[/color]
[color=#2A2B2C]are closer to peace than what i had known before.[/color]
[color=#2A2B2C]you’re every bit of perfect just as you are flawed[/color]
[color=#2A2B2C]and i wonder if you know just how much i adore you[/color]
[color=#2A2B2C]through the way i can’t take my eyes off of you or [/color]
[color=#2A2B2C]the way i angle my body pleasantly towards your own.[/color]
[color=#2A2B2C]maybe you see it in the way i sing your name or [/color]
[color=#2A2B2C]the way i make sure to keep you laughing so[/color]
[color=#2A2B2C]i can hear the delight of your happiness.[/color]
[color=#2A2B2C]you added new meaning to all the small things,[/color]
[color=#2A2B2C]and you touched and polished a part of me that [/color]
[color=#2A2B2C]i had overlooked and didn’t realize was there.[/color]
[color=#2A2B2C]before i knew you i wondered what it was like [/color]
[color=#2A2B2C]to meet such a person like you [/color]
[color=#2A2B2C]and now that i know, [/color]
[color=#2A2B2C]i wonder how i ever lived before. [/color][/spoiler]
[spoiler=ghosts & bones][color=#2A2B2C]i remember being asked “why do bones fascinate you so much?”[/color]
[color=#2A2B2C]as your bones lingered next to mine, shoulder to shoulder.
i guess it’s because it’s the places under your skin,
the structures that have built you as tall and lean and
beautiful as you are.[/color][/size]
[size=3][color=#2A2B2C] [/color]
[color=#2A2B2C]and a year later,
i remember you asking “why do ghosts fascinate you so much?”
as you looked right through me, your eyes glossy and forgetful.
i guess it’s because i often feel like them some days,
especially with that ‘you don’t mean much to me anymore’[/color]
[color=#2A2B2C]look of yours. [/color][/spoiler]
[spoiler=oh][color=#2A2B2C]i’m scared of love and i [/color]
[color=#2A2B2C]crave it too. [/color]
[color=#2A2B2C]i have this strange thought of [/color]
[color=#2A2B2C]getting hooked on a [/color]
[color=#2A2B2C]friend with benefits. [/color]
[color=#2A2B2C]i think i like unreasonable situations [/color]
[color=#2A2B2C]with complex things and [/color]
[color=#2A2B2C]beautiful people. [/color][/spoiler]
[spoiler=we had a beautiful thing going for us][color=#2A2B2C]i know that i’ll never get to experience you again,[/color][/size]
[color=#2A2B2C][size=3]but is it really that easy living without me? [/size][/color]
[size=3][color=#2A2B2C]because i’ve told you before and i’ll tell you again[/color]
[color=#2A2B2C]that being without you is like the ocean turning flat.[/color]
[color=#2A2B2C]or storms losing their thunder, or birds losing their flight.[/color]
[color=#2A2B2C]there is no wonder, or excitement, or adventure here[/color]
[color=#2A2B2C]and when you left, or when i left you,[/color]
[color=#2A2B2C]it’s as if you took away the meaning of what we had.[/color]
[color=#2A2B2C]when we were us, there was always a crazy night,[/color]
[color=#2A2B2C]a spontaneous and impulsive promise,[/color]
[color=#2A2B2C]and our eyes that would dance all around our bodies,[/color]
[color=#2A2B2C]and the smiles of how great it was to have each other.[/color]
[color=#2A2B2C]and even when we weren’t together,[/color]
[color=#2A2B2C]there was still that constant wonder, excitement, and adventure,[/color]
[color=#2A2B2C]because it would just make for a story that we got to share with[/color]
[color=#2A2B2C]one another[/color]
[color=#2A2B2C]but now i lose focus and i lose motivation[/color]
[color=#2A2B2C]and i can’t help but feel like you’re perfectly fine[/color]
[color=#2A2B2C]and that you haven’t ever lost the spark in your life[/color]
[color=#2A2B2C]even though you called me your fire, [/color]
[color=#2A2B2C]and i’m no longer there for you anymore.[/color]
[color=#2A2B2C]and i’m sorry.[/color]
[color=#2A2B2C]i’ll never ask for your heart again,[/color]
[color=#2A2B2C]although your heart is the biggest i’ve ever known,[/color]
[color=#2A2B2C]or ask for the way you love,[/color]
[color=#2A2B2C]even though you love in shades like no other. [/color]
[color=#2A2B2C]but would it be so bad for me to[/color]
[color=#2A2B2C]wish to experience you again? and for you[/color]
[color=#2A2B2C]to wish the same? [/color][/spoiler]
[spoiler=trapped][color=#2A2B2C]my mind is a cage and you are its monster,[/color][/size]
[color=#2A2B2C][size=3]and i keep you to myself so much that[/size][/color]
[size=3][color=#2A2B2C]you find it so painfully easy to[/color]
[color=#2A2B2C]haunt me. [/color]
[color=#2A2B2C]sometimes i come so close to[/color]
[color=#2A2B2C]letting people know about the[/color]
[color=#2A2B2C]monster in my head,[/color]
[color=#2A2B2C]but you’re always there to remind me that[/color]
[color=#2A2B2C]“they’d think you’re a monster[/color]
[color=#2A2B2C]yourself.”[/color]
[color=#2A2B2C]i just want you to get your claws[/color]
[color=#2A2B2C]off my soul and your teeth[/color]
[color=#2A2B2C]out of my brain,[/color]
[color=#2A2B2C]and i’d be so happy to release you.[/color]
[color=#2A2B2C]maybe find a bird next time,[/color]
[color=#2A2B2C]and let that animal[/color]
[color=#2A2B2C]be caged inside my mind[/color]
[color=#2A2B2C]instead.[/color][/spoiler]
[spoiler=I made a mistake][color=#2A2B2C]i remember so vividly of how you’d sit on the couch,[/color][/size]
[color=#2A2B2C][size=3]and i’d be sitting indian style on the cushioned arms.[/size][/color]
[size=3][color=#2A2B2C]i’d feel your hands reach up to pull on my shoulders,[/color]
[color=#2A2B2C]and you’d slide my body to lay in your lap. [/color]
[color=#2A2B2C]your dazzling smile would always catch me off guard,[/color]
[color=#2A2B2C]and your eyes would peer into my own,[/color]
[color=#2A2B2C]and we’d laugh at how absurd our dynamics were[/color]
[color=#2A2B2C]with each other.[/color]
[color=#2A2B2C]the nights would always go by too fast when [/color]
[color=#2A2B2C]i’d be with you and your handsome, classic[/color]
[color=#2A2B2C]gaze that seemed to say ‘you’re lovely’ [/color]
[color=#2A2B2C]without the words.[/color]
[color=#2A2B2C]and through every drink we shared,[/color]
[color=#2A2B2C]and stories that were told,[/color]
[color=#2A2B2C]i had a feeling that maybe we’d fall in love[/color]
[color=#2A2B2C]just a little.[/color]
[color=#2A2B2C]if it wasn’t because of the way you’d tell me[/color]
[color=#2A2B2C]“this isn’t goodbye, this is goodnight,”[/color]
[color=#2A2B2C]or if it wasn’t the way you’d put your arms[/color]
[color=#2A2B2C]around my hips and sway to the harmonious music[/color]
[color=#2A2B2C]that we’d often drown out with our laughter,[/color]
[color=#2A2B2C]then it was because loving each other was[/color]
[color=#2A2B2C]a sin that we were both committing, [/color]
[color=#2A2B2C]while i couldn’t be allowed to fall for you,[/color]
[color=#2A2B2C]and your girlfriend wouldn’t allow you to[/color]
[color=#2A2B2C]look at another girl.[/color]
[color=#2A2B2C]i promise i’ll never do that again. [/color][/spoiler]
[spoiler=you choose the company you keep][color=#2A2B2C]i don’t think i can be happily surrounded by the same people every single day anymore. i could never love a group of friends as much as i love my own, yet i need to get away. i can’t help but repeat over and over and over again in my head “i’m so sorry, i’m so sorry” when the thought of standing there with these people i’ve known for years just becomes so. extremely. dull. i feel so guilty about it, but i’ll need to branch out before another week passes because i don’t think i can take more of this lackluster stiffness where nothing new ever happens. my friends can be powerful people, but they stand by a type of calm cautiousness that i lost interest in. i need some excitement, any excitement there could be, or maybe even some recklessness and insanity. i just know that i don’t want to stand there anymore, uneasy with the new dawning silence, and an anxious feeling of desire, wanting to be with those who are livelier. we just know each other too much. every damn detail is already said and acknowledged, and we all find security in each other because we’ve been connected for such a long time. i’ll say it again and i’ll say it always - i love my friends - but i have a longing for more. i won’t abandon or replace them, but i long for change. i’ll always be sorry that i don’t feel like i belong with them anymore when they feel like we all belong perfectly together, but i need new experiences with new people and connections different than those i have already. [/color][/spoiler]
[spoiler=listen][color=#2A2B2C]“isn’t it funny that those who run towards us, wanting us completely, are also those who walk away, leaving us shattered in pieces? and yet they’re perfectly fine. for all the wrong reasons, but at least they’re untouched - unfazed - by the pain and misery they cause. those who break our hearts aren’t the same as those who stomp on them. at least heartbreak has some beauty to it, but someone shamelessly tearing us apart and using the love we have for them against us? shitty. it’s shitty, horrible, and torturous. i can’t even believe we’ve gotten over it sometimes and we aren’t insecure messes, you know? but i should give survivors of this so called ‘heart stomping’ more credit. maybe this kind of stuff just shows us how fragile we can be, and how careless too, to give our hearts to someone who throws it to the ground. yet we go back to them. always. and then sometimes. and then never. we learn. and our hearts grow thicker, sturdier, and stronger. yet also, somehow, more free. like smashing it opened our hearts up like air vents, and even though we’ve grown extra layers around our hearts, we can also love more. sometimes i look outside my bedroom window and just imagine his face walking up to my doorstep and how kind he looked at first. and then i remember the nights where things weren’t so pleasing, and even when on those nights it didn’t rain, i always imagine them rainy and thunderous. just fits the mood. and then finally, to keep my dreams sweet before i fall asleep, i think of just being in love. not with him. but just in love in general. sometimes he slips into my mind, but lately, i’ve been good at just thinking about love and not hurting. and this new man i met just a few months ago, he walks up to my doorstep every weekend when i invite him, and sometimes i think ‘wow, maybe i can be in love again’, but then i think of all the times i’ve said that about every man who passes me by on a daily basis. i feel it though, oh, i feel it. and it dropped me to this conclusion where sometimes i feel like those who have been hurt so badly are the only ones who can love everyone entirely. don’t you feel that?”[/color][/size]

[size=3][color=#2A2B2C]most days, i like to speak for a minute, and then listen for hours, because some people have the most interesting things to say when you just let them ramble on and on about something that has been on their minds for decades.[/color][/spoiler][/size]