Amethyst Phoenix Posted December 18, 2012 Report Share Posted December 18, 2012 [spoiler=Book Azure, Chapter 284, Annal 92.5] [center][i]When all that is lost becomes nothing, the essence of everything is found~[/i][/center] A lone ninja samurai mugen wolf stands on a precipice, contemplating the abyss below. Vengeance courses through his veins like ice through frozen pipes. Which is to say not at all, because vengeance is a metaphysical entity that by nature cannot course due to being an emotion, much like how ice does not course (being a solid). However, ice does wind up bursting the pipes, so he is technically [i][i]bursting[/i] [/i]with vengeance, meaning this train wreck of a metaphor wasn't all for naught. Or was it? You get the feeling that such horrendous analogies will be par for the [i][i]course[/i][/i] around here. Unless you're <INSERT USERNAME OF UNPOPULAR PERSON>, in which case you're currently snickering obnoxiously because you've just now realized that "analogies" contains the word "anal". But back to the question at hand: OR WAS IT? The answer winds up being both, because the ninja samurai mugen wolf's name is Naught. Naught growls in fourth wall-breaking discontent at being pigeonholed into bearing such a stereotypical anti-hero name for the foreseeable future, all for the sake of a single stupid one off joke. Of course, later we can make such stupid tongue twister sentences such as "It turns out that Naught's knot was not all for naught after all!" (that'll sure tie up some loose ends!). Plus, once this story incorporates the humongous mecha genre into its sickening slurry of generic anime genres and he enters space, we can say that the ninja samurai mugen wolf is an astro[i]naught[/i]. Somewhere an anguished cry of agonizing despair echoes excruciatingly out into the night, painfully. A poor unfortunate soul has already run out of Advil, and must now embark on a quest to locate a loaded pistol with which to commit suicide, but on the way learn something about himself and realize that horrendous fiction is not that big a deal. Then he stumbles across Fifty Shades of Grey and just offs himself anyway. By this point, you are probably wondering just what in the hell [i][i]is[/i] [/i]a "ninja samurai mugen wolf". Clearly I can't tell you that I just, you know, made it up, so I'll half to rectify this troublesome inquiry with more off-the-cuff, horribly thought out exposition. Because the solution to lying is clearly more lies. Therein [i][i]lies[/i] [/i]the solution. In any case, the ninja samurai mugen wolf (or NSMW for short, which is probably pronounced "Nissmwah" or some suitably awful, headcanon pronunciation rending way, like when you realized "Genre" was not pronounced jen-re or when the English voice actor in Kingdom Hearts Re: Chain of Memories called Zexion "Zeeks-ion") is a mystical canine creature that wields multiple bladed weapons and is plagued by two conflicting codes of honor that I'll probably have to actually think of later, but for now we're good. As for mugen, I don't think that's actually a word. I just needed a third title. How does a wolf hold all these swords you may ask? I don't know, he just does. Just how many of the god damn things is he even carrying? The answer is obviously ca[i]nine[/i]. "But that defies all the laws of physics and coherent world building?", you may ask. Well uh- I- shut up. The underlying mechanics of this particular tale's universe doesn't really a[i]matter[/i]asu! It suddenly dawns on you that all of this was engineered to make that one stupid pun work, but at this point nobody cares. It seems the audience has finally grown to accept this terrible paronomasia! That or their temporal lobe has gone numb. Either is fine really. It's allllll good, you feeling me qurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrl? Naught leaps off of his nebulously defined perch and into the maw of the void, a swirling portent of veritable chaos and uncertainty, swooping down like a kite that is being flown and then rapidly descends due to the boy who was piloting it overcorrecting due to the sudden appearance of a rogue wind. By the power of heart and willpower and determination and oh darn those last two thing were the same thing weren't they, he arrives at his destination in what is totally not a lazy deus ex machina. The NSMW resolutely stands before the ominous mecha-moe-highschool-dojo in adamant, stoic resolve. Within lurk the soulless-hellfiend-solarflare demon witches that stole your dead sister's memories of the ultimate alchemyzord scroll from an alternate timeline in the future-past. You are going to make them wish they will never planned this upcoming past slight. You are also [i][i]slight[/i][/i]ly confused now, but that doesn't matter because hope and unexplained plot twists wil lsee you through the duskdawnnight of last year's tomorrow. In the distance, a window cracks from all this nonsense. Well at least it is no longer in constant [i]pane[/i]. "I am Alfar Naught, and I am here to take it to the limit of the limit as the function Sin(x) goes to Infinity", vibrantly declared the wolf. The demon witches looked at each other in puzzled incomprehension. "...That function's limit going to infinity does not exist and is thus classified as undefined. Which means...-" The witches incinerate Alfar Naught during his dramatic pause. But the dreams of a dead civilization of anthropomorphic crawfish rewind and subsequently slightly speed up the flow of time so that the sunglasses Naught was slowly pulling out deflect the pyroconflagimmolbliteration back into the face of the dangerously genre savvy fiend. And yet that still made more sense than villains politely waiting for dramatic speeches to conclude. AniMAZING huh? "...There isn't a word in the dictionary that can adequately describe the extent of the ruin that I am about to unleash upon your collective asses!", concluded Naught, as he leapt into action. Executing the ultimate umbrage star raspberry zantetsuken kido gangam heaven drill omega omnislash, ninja samurai mugen Alfar Naught avenged the transgressions that had plagued the fake replica unreality of the warp distortion origami multiverse. As the dust from the overly anticlimactic conclusion settled, it encountered many hardships such as the wild and vicarious a silent sinner buffalo. It would be a monumental task, but gosh darn it they would settle this land with their space western plasma coconut revolving bowguns. An errant zephyr blew them off course, and thus ended the mini arc that never was. Victorious, Alfar Naught retired to his fortress of solitudinal shinigami octogons, in the process referencing a genre that isn't even part of the joke. Reclining in his luxurious dog bed of succor and bitchin grape juice, Alfar realized that it was all worth it in the quest for a new ancient crystal legacy genesis on the horizon of yesteryear. A lone wayfarer of the internet stumbles though the harsh unyielding landscape of his own insomniac mind. "I'm in that part of the internet again," he pondered. "At this rate I'll never get to the 104 Building in time to stop the Jenova-Reaper's perilous plot to digitize the lost souls of the Novus Orbis Librariam's Sparda congregation into the shadow realm within the impossible dream of the ultimate soldier!". [center]I give you a hamburger. "Well at least that made more sense than Homestruck" you ponder to yourself. Ryan North never could write worth a damn.[/center] [/spoiler] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Umbra Posted December 18, 2012 Report Share Posted December 18, 2012 No. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catterjune Posted December 18, 2012 Report Share Posted December 18, 2012 http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Word_salad Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amethyst Phoenix Posted December 18, 2012 Author Report Share Posted December 18, 2012 If anyone got past the first sentence and didn't realize that this is intentionally terrible, then someone needs to go break the news to iridium that it isn't the densest element around anymore. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
?someone? Posted December 19, 2012 Report Share Posted December 19, 2012 There's so many puns they're practically [u]pun[/u]ctuation! ahaw ahaw AHAWHAWHAWHAWHAWHAWHAWAHAWHAW *clapclapclapclapclapclapclapclap* ...In all seriousness, maybe you're trying a bit too hard. Or maybe someone with a funny voice or something should narrate it, I dunno. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bury the year Posted December 19, 2012 Report Share Posted December 19, 2012 Is this supposed to be HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH? Because I don't think it filled that void. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amethyst Phoenix Posted December 19, 2012 Author Report Share Posted December 19, 2012 [quote name='Rinne' timestamp='1355881660' post='6097490'] Is this supposed to be HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH? Because I don't think it filled that void. [/quote] Never heard of HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH before. [s]So...no?[/s] The answer is obviously Rin[i]nay[/i] I literally just wrote this in like 5 minutes for no reason whatsoever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bury the year Posted December 19, 2012 Report Share Posted December 19, 2012 [quote name='Revolver Amethyst' timestamp='1355882147' post='6097499'] Never heard of HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH before. [/quote] [url="http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2554200/1/HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"]This.[/url] It's [s]a bit more[/s] quite more grotesque than what you have, but the same surreal aspect is involved. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nexev Posted December 19, 2012 Report Share Posted December 19, 2012 I think we all have one question here. WHY DID YOU TAKE THE CHRIST OUT OF MELANCHOLY OF THE CHRISTREUSE VIOLIN ITS LIKE ITS NOT ABOUT CHRISTMAS ANYMORE. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amethyst Phoenix Posted December 19, 2012 Author Report Share Posted December 19, 2012 [quote name='Cutie Morning Gem' timestamp='1355900942' post='6097918'] I think we all have one question here. WHY DID YOU TAKE THE CHRIST OUT OF MELANCHOLY OF THE CHRISTREUSE VIOLIN ITS LIKE ITS NOT ABOUT CHRISTMAS ANYMORE. [/quote] "CHAR" IS CLEARLY AN ANCIENT PSEUDOGREEK LETTER THAT MEANS A WORD VAGUELY SIMILAR IN PRONUNCIATION TO "CHRIST". GOSH (Also, you don't even celebrate Christmas, Nex. I hear you have some other holiday that pretty much....[i]tops[/i] it.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Umbra Posted December 19, 2012 Report Share Posted December 19, 2012 Still no. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr. Cakey Posted January 9, 2013 Report Share Posted January 9, 2013 Yes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catterjune Posted January 31, 2013 Report Share Posted January 31, 2013 This is the first fic I've read in a long time that didn't make me want to quit after the first paragraph. Despite it's kind of randomness, its actually really well made. It's humerous in an "I showed some thought while writing this" kind of way as opposed to the typical "I AM THE PENGUIN OF DOOM! So random!~" brand of YCM humor.Then it kind of got into stupid humour from the time Alfor Naught jumped off his perch until the end. Superquicktalkingandsayingawholelot isn't really all that funny.But yeah. If my only complaint is "half the story isn't that funny" then its probably an okay story.tl;dr - It's well written, funny at times, not that funny at other times, and the plot is godawful. At least if you don't like it, it's over quickly. Would recommend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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