Piercer of the Heavens Posted December 20, 2012 Report Share Posted December 20, 2012 I was about to ask for that as well. That would be greatly appreciated, knowing what we can improve on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ren✧ Posted December 20, 2012 Author Report Share Posted December 20, 2012 Would you guys prefer I do it here or over PM. I completely understand if you choose the latter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Love of Ghibli Posted December 20, 2012 Report Share Posted December 20, 2012 That is completely up to you (well for me anyway)...I'll be honest though I hate the phrase "I just didn't like the feel of it" or something of that nature no one can build upon that type of critique. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ren✧ Posted December 22, 2012 Author Report Share Posted December 22, 2012 Well now that YCM is finally back up I will officially say that we are no longer accepting and critiques will be out in a little while. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Piercer of the Heavens Posted December 22, 2012 Report Share Posted December 22, 2012 Well i would prefer here so we can see who got accepted. Like that we can see how their app is and [s]copy[/s] compare it to the ones we made. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ren✧ Posted December 22, 2012 Author Report Share Posted December 22, 2012 [quote name='~British Soul~' timestamp='1355616247' post='6094402'] Here's my app Renegade, and it took a while to put together too. [spoiler=Silver Yuja] Username: Douche McDouchebag Name: Silver Yuja Age: 17 (Born July 7th) Gender: Male Personality: Silver has been shown to be quite intelligent especially when asked about Dragon-Types as he has been around them most of his life so it would make sense that he had gained such knowledge. There was one issue that came up though, Silver had said that he has difficulty with people taking care of his pokemon, other than his parents, he doesn't trust anyone else with his pokemon for reasons he doesn't want to explain which is understandable. Silver has also been shown be quite competitive and his competitive spirit seems to take over when he is in battle or doing sports such as soccer, which sometimes clouds his overall judgment and make him lose sight of what is important most of the time which sometimes doesn't end well for him. Appearance: Added notes: Silver's clothes are a bit more tacky and dirty than they look in the pic, because of his training and athletic exploits. He prides himself on having neat hair though and spends each morning combing his hair. He also wears a lucky Dragon Fang that was given to him by his grandfather around his neck and on his right shoulder, he bears a scar that he received whilst trying to protect his pokemon from a Zangoose's Crush Claw that was commanded by a Bridge Bike thug. Silver's height is 6'2" and he weighs 160lbs. Bio: [spoiler=long bio] Silver Yuja was born in Blackthorn City, his parents were skilled Dragon Tamers in their time and had hoped that Silver would follow in their footsteps. As the years gone by, Silver had gotten to know the unique qualities of Dragon-Types and by the Age of 12 the Elder of the Dragon's Den felt it would be time for Silver to take the Dragon User's Challenge, needless to say Silver passed that test and undertook the training of a Dratini who still resides at the Yuja household as a Dragonair to this day along with Silver's reserve pokemon that he had caught on his journey. When Silver started his journey in Tottus, he received a Totodile from Professor Acorn (Who only became a professor recently), the Totodile's first response was to bite Silver's head to which Silver laughed off and to this day remains one of Silver's trusted partners. Whilst on the first leg of his totus region, Silver had experienced a most fateful encounter. As soon as he had reached what was left of Azelea Town, he saw a bunch of Bridge Bike thugs harassing Kurt about Project GS, so Silver charged at them with a rugby tackle and together with Totodile, they drove the thugs away. Satisfied with his performance, Kurt entrusted Silver with the GS Ball so that those thugs would never own it. Things got worse when Silver was walking through the Ilex Forest. As he passed the Ilex Forest Shrine, it started glowing without Silver knowing and this was all down to the GS Ball, and not long after, Celebi appeared before him, it was then that Silver had noticed, but it also attracted the Bridge Bike thugs. It was a thrilling fight that took a toll on both parties, Silver especially because one of the thugs had his Zangoose use Crush Claw on Celebi and Silver lunged in front of Celebi and his shoulder took the hit instead, but together with Croconaw (Who evolved in a battle he had in Azelea after the thugs retreated) and Dragonair (Which was with Silver at the time), they had Immobolized the Bridge Bike thugs in the end. Straight after the battle, Celebi told Silver through telepathy, "Please, protect me from all evildoers." and Silver understood Celebi completely and he held up a pokeball offering to take Celebi along with him with the promise to protect Celebi from evildoers. After travelling through almost all of the Totus region, Silver had heard about the Tournament of Legends from a flyer that and he took part in the preliminaries held in what was left of Indigo Plataeu, successfully advancing to the elimination rounds on Archanum Island, and thus Silver set sail for Archanum Island to take part in the next round of the Tournament of Legends. [/spoiler] Pokémon: Feraligatr (male) [Torrent] - Ice Punch, Waterfall, Eathquake, Shadow Claw Salamence (male) [Intimidate] - Dragon Claw, Dragon Dance, Aerial Ace, Crunch Electivire (male) [Motor Drive] - Thunderpunch, Fire Punch, Brick Break, Protect Espeon (female) [Synchronize] - Shadow Ball, Psychic, Signal Beam, Morning Sun Magmortar (female) [Flame Body] - Fire Blast, Focus Blast, Thunderbolt, Flamethrower Scizor (male) [Swarm] - Swords Dance, Iron Head, X-Scissor, Night Slash Tyranitar (male) [Sand Stream] - Earthquake, Stone Edge, Stealth Rock, Thunderpunch Lucario (male) [Inner Focus] - Dragon Pulse, Aura Sphere, Ice Punch, Dark Pulse Drapion (male) [Battle Armor] - Toxic Spikes, Cross Poison, X-Scisor, Ice Fang Celebi (genderless) [Natural Cure] - Psychic, Giga Drain, Ancientpower, Heal Bell [spoiler=Pokemon history] Feraligatr: Silver's most trusted partner. He received it as a Totodile from Professor Acorn and as a Totodile, it spent alot of time out of its pokeball. Now a Feraligatr it is known to be one of Silver's massive powerhouses. Salamence: Silver found this as a Bagon in the mountains to the southwest of Totus. Originally aggressive, Silver wanted that kind of power it possessed on his team, but feared that it might be too aggressive for him to handle. Knowing that his parents were skilled Dragon Tamers, Silver managed to curb Bagon's aggressions and now as a Salamence, the 2 are a great team that many people in Totus know about. Electivire: As an Elekid, it had problems with excess electricity and when Silver met it, Elekid nearly shocked him, but Silver's athletic prowess allowed him to dodge the blast. Silver then saw the potential in the little spark plug, so with the help of nearby electric pokemon, they were able to get rid of the excess electricity, and it joined Silver's team as a thank you as the excess electricity was causing him distress. Espeon: Originally an Eevee, his grandparents gave this to Silver as a present for passing the Dragon User test. Silver then spent the next couple of days looking at the unique qualities of Eevee, and Silver knew what he wanted Eevee to become so he trained Eevee in the daytimes only and after a fortnight of training, Eevee had evolved into Espeon. Magmortar: As a magby, it was constantly harassed by a group of Skarmory and every time they showed up, it sent out a Flamethrower distress flare. One day Silver noticed this and he knew that it was a powerful Flamethrower and rushed off to help it.Over time, Silver worked hard to conquer its fear of Skarmory and when it faced off against a Skarmory commanded by a Bridge Bike thug, Magby got over its fear and defeated the Skarmory with a Flamethrower and not long after, it had evolved to Magmar and was no longer afraid of Skarmory. Scizor: Silver obtained this guy as a Scyther not long after protecting Celebi from the Bridge Bike thugs. Scyther proved had to catch not only because of its speed, but Silver's right arm was injured and he uses that arm for catching pokemon, so Silver had to slow it down a bit before capturing it. Tyranitar: Venturing into the mountains to the south of Blacthorn, Silver had heard of a Tyranitar capable of summoning powerful sandstorms, and it didn't take long before he felt the force of said sandstorm. So with the help of Feraligatr and Salamence, Silver was able to get in close with his pokemon's attacks and capture Tyranitar. Lucario: When Silver obtained it as a Riolu in a mountainous region filled with Iron, he stayed there to train Riolu so that they can move in synch. This training included martial arts, learning the kinds of athletic skills that Silver had been taught and also increasing Riolu's strength. A few days later Riolu had evolved into Lucario and continued training with Silver until they were in perfect synch. Drapion: When Silver first met Drapion, it kept toying with him by burrowing underground every time he encountered it, this got Silver determined to capture it and follow its burrowing patterns. Many hours passed Silver surprised Drapion with Magmar's Flamethrower, and before Drapion had a chance to get away, Silver threw a pokeball in Drapion's direction, hitting it just before it got away. Celebi: At first, Silver had believed that it was just a legend having only read about it in books, but when Silver walked past the Ilex Forest Shrine with the GS Ball in tow, Celebi revealed itself, but it then became the target of Bridge Bike thugs. Silver tried protecting Celebi from Zangoose by lunging in front of it, but this resulted in an injury and together with Croconaw and Dragonair, Silver beat the thugs and Celebi knew that Silver was worthy enough to protect it and Silver offered it a spot on his team. [/spoiler] Other: Silver is also very athletic, playing sports like soccer and rugby, using the skills that he learned whilst playing those sports to aid him in real life situations, like rugby tackling the thugs in Azelea. [/spoiler] I GIVE MY WORD! [/quote] [b]What I liked most about your application was the small bits of humor thrown in every once and awhile. The extended summary of how you got each Pokemon was definitely going the extra mile to provide background for your character. What I don't really like about your application is that it is fairly cliche, for a Pokemon character that is. It includes Pokemon like Tyranitar, Salamence, and Scizor as well as a few other really popular Pokemon. I would've liked to have seen a little more originality in your team set up, or at least stick closer to a theme. I will admit having an all dragon team would've been more cliche, but then it would've be attributed to character development instead of just blunt clicheness. It is obvious you have a knowledge of Pokemon, both from your app and because I know you, so that is definitely a plus on your side. Did like the part in your app where you mention that you left Dragonair back at home, it just added something different that caught my interest even though it was a minor detail. The personality portion included in the application seems very similar to main/supporting protagonists, Sasuke from Naruto for example. Intelligent, athletic, and competitive. From those words a picture of an arrogant, yet powerful, person is painted in my mind. The appearance of your character just adds to that fact. Although, considering you chose Celebi as your legendary and the fact that your character took a Crush Claw to protect makes question whether my judgment depicting arrogance is correct, and in fact leads me to believe that he is a friendly, all around good guy.[/b] [quote name='Piercer of the Heavens' timestamp='1355628465' post='6094545'] [spoiler=App] Username: DrSirMrColonelGeneralOverlord of Pie XI Name: [color=#0000ff]Knox Aiken[/color] Age: 19 Gender: Male Personality:Knox has a calm personality. That is until he begins and/or is challenged to a pokemon battle. While not battling he prefers to stay out of trouble. In addition to that he becomes quite lazy. Almost as if he is reserving his energy for when he battles. One of his traits is that is he is not moving(walking around) he just sits, doesn't matter where he is. While in battle he does get heated up, and a smile full of warmth could be seen on his face. This is the only time that sort of smile is ever seen. Although he does care for all his pokemon, he especially cares for his Manaphy. He personally wouldn't push his pokemon to past their limit, but his pokemon feel the determination Knox has and push themselves past their limits. This of course has made his pokemon stronger. [spoiler=Appearance][img]http://th04.deviantart.net/fs71/PRE/f/2012/149/2/d/fakemon__male_trainer___bronze_by_masterthecreater-d51kpvt.png[/img] I'm going to use this pic as a base. First of all Knox stands at 5'9".Everything that is red is instead blue in color(pretty mush his has a blue jacket and shoes). His eyes always look as if he is sleepy/just woke up. Only during battle do they fully open up. He doesn't have that thing on his left hand, instead he has a standard belt where six pokeballs clip in. The pokeball on his shoulders are not there.[/spoiler] Bio: Even though all the regions were combined into one, Knox was still born by the sea. Before being combined with the rest of the regions one could have called this place Sunyshore City. Although now it goes by a different name. The day he was born an injured Pokemon Ranger came to their home, which was located only about one-hundred feet away from the ocean. He was soaking wet and was holding on to an egg, but this egg was strange looking. It was a see-through blue, with a red orb at the center. It also had a bunch of yellow orbs in it on the upper half. At the moment Knox's parents didn't know what to do. So they did what seemed like the only option, they allowed him to come into their home and helped him recover. The next morning the ranger explained what happened to him. He was doing his mission saving the egg he was holding from some pirates. The ranger then gave Knox's father a closer look; that's when Knox's mother came into the room carrying Knox. The egg then began to glow as soon as Knox came close to it. The Ranger was surprised and let go of the egg. It rolled to Knox's mother's feet where it began to shake around. Knox, only just a few days old, began to reach for the egg. Knox's mother didn't know what to do, but his father grabbed the egg and lifted to where Knox could touch it. As soon as Knox laid his tiny hand on it the egg began to glow and then took shape of a pokemon. A Manaphy, it was a Manaphy egg. One the Manaphy fully hatched it climbed onto Knox's mother's arms, cuddling next to Knox. The ranger then gave a smile and began walking out the door. "Well my job is done. I was suppose to protect the egg, but there's is no egg here." The ranger knew exactly what happened. Manaphy had chosen Knox , so he decided to leave it with him. From that point on Knox grew up with Manaphy by his side(Manaphy can communicate with people telepathically. Its voice sounds like a female child.). He grew up with Misty, who was long gone, as his idol. He wanted to become the best water type trainer. He would even go as far to spend a whole day in the water, becoming an excellent swimmer in the process. When he turned 10 he set out on a journey traveling through Totus' edges, always staying where he could see the ocean. There he began to catch pokemon, but only water type pokemon. The journey took him a while to complete, almost taking 6 years to complete it. By that time he had already captured all the pokemon he though he needed. After his journey he went back to his hometown, where he set up a water "gym." It wasn't an official gym, but he loved to battle and show just how strong he and his pokemon were. A few years later herd of the tournament. He easily got past the preliminary rounds. Now he has his eyes set on 1st place, as well as demonstrating that he is the best water type trainer. Pokémon:[font=Wingdings] [/font] [font=Wingdings]S[/font]Dewgong/Female/Hydration: Aqua Jet, Ice Beam, Drill Run, Whirlpool [font=Wingdings]S[/font]Gorebyss/Female/Swift Swim: Psychic, Shadow Ball, Signal Beam, Aqua Ring [font=Wingdings]S[/font]Walrein/Male/Thick Fat: Ice Ball, Water Pulse, Rock Slide, Ice Fang [font=Wingdings]S[/font]Cloyster/Male/Skill Link: Icicle Spear, Shell Smash, Protect, Toxic Spikes [font=Wingdings]S[/font]Octillery/Male/Sniper: Gunk Shot, Bullet Seed, Octazooka, Lock-on [font=Wingdings]S[/font]Queendra(Kingdra)/Female/Swift Swim: Rain Dance, Dragon Pulse, Draco Meteor, Dragon Breath [font=Wingdings]S[/font]Swampert/Male/Torrent: Earthquake, Hammer Arm, Muddy Water, Stone Edge [font=Wingdings]S[/font]Sharpedo/Male/Rough Skin: Crunch, Dark Pulse, Double-edge, Double Team [font=Wingdings]S[/font]Relicanth/Female/Rock Head: Double Edge, Ancient Power, Head Smash, Rock polish [font=Wingdings]S[/font]Manaphy/Genderless/Hydration: Rain Dance, Heart Swap, Bubblebeam, Water Pulse Other: Knox is an excellent swimmer. He has even finished a 200 meter swim in 107 seconds. [/spoiler] I GIVE MY WORD! [/quote] [b]Well I'll start with what I liked the most. Your Pokemon team is pretty original. You managed to stick to your theme of water type Pokemon, but excluded Gyarados and Lapras and instead added Pokemon like Gorebyss, Cloyster, and Relicanth, who don't see much attention. While I do like the fact that you stuck to a theme, I am not too fond of the theme you chose. Creating a team solely based on a Pokemon type, is easy to do and has been done before. Especially choosing Water type as your theme, instead of choosing a lesser used type like Bug or Poison. The originality of your team may counteract this though...[/b] [b]I don't like the opening of your bio. This Pokemon Ranger comes to your house after fending off pirates to save a Pokemon egg and that egg happens to be a Manaphy. That sounds extremely similar to Manaphy's movie. The problem here is, that the events in the Manaphy movie would've happened at least 50 years ago. So you are copying events that happened in the past and pasting them into existence 50 years later. This doesn't show creativity or originality. So, while I do encourage using preconstructed background stories provided by the Pokemon anime, copying it nearly exactly isn't what I am looking for.[/b] [b]Your personality slightly contradicts itself. Here you have a super lazy guy that almost does nothing...but then you strives to be a great swimmer and Trainer. Training to become a swimmer takes a lot of determination and effort, neither of which your character seems to really have.[/b] [quote name='Beginning446' timestamp='1355637213' post='6094678'] [spoiler: Beginning446-Daniel N. Cesar] Username: Bootybuttbootybuttbootybuttcheeks Name: Daniel N. Cesar Age: 15 Gender: Male Personality: To make up for is lack luster and rather ordinary appearance Daniel is an extreme extrovert. He always believes everything can be solved with funness and parties. He is the first one at parties and he is always the first one on the dance floor no matter how embarrassing others would think of it. He can even be seen walking down the street dancing to music whether he has headphones on or not. Daniel as a result of his fun lovingness hates killjoys, persistent wall flowers, loners, Goths, and emos. These are not the party going people and while he tries not to show it (he’s 15 not the best at hiding emotions). He only hates those classes of people because it is his nature to try to break people of that habit. Socialization is the way he was brought up. “One dies if one does not socialize” that is the motto he lives by. Appearance: Daniel reigns in at a height of 5’2 and he comes in with his typical his typical adolescent appearance. He’s not extraordinarily slim, lanky, fat, or anything he looks regular. His skin is dark brown and his hair is always trimmed short very regular for children his age. His typical clothes consist of a black T-shirt, placed over a larger white T-shirt, a pair of white or black slacks (depending on the time of the year of course) and a pair of black and white dress shoes that actually have a modern take on the 1970’s disco era pumps. He is a frequent vest wearer because all of his vest have a special pocket allotted that allows him to put his smart phone in with headphones attached so he can listen to music as he walks without worrying if his string is going to be separated. Bio:Daniel has an ordinary upbringing. Both of his parents are alive and well, no plagues, misfortunes or epic tragedies to ever befall him or his kinfolk (outside of he whole world being destroyed). As soon as he was able to talk his parents forced him to socialize with others. The reason was simple if he was an only child he could either become attached to his parents and become some anti-social outcast or become one of those Little Emperor’s you hear about in China. However none of that happened, Daniel made tons of friends his whole life and was always invited to sleepovers and parties and everyone was happy. And of course Daniel was always showing off custom dance moves no matter what kind of music it was. In the world of Pokemon Daniel shows the same attitude towards his Pokemon as he did his human friends. He wasn't the best catcher in the world but he was far from the worse. It was hard for him to catch wild Pokemon in a forest or a wilderness setting because he was never the type be quite enough or catch a Pokemon by surprise. But with the aid of his friends he made due. Daniel, with the assistance of others, was able to catch a couple of Pokemon and that is where he found his true strength. He was excellent at raising Pokemon. All living things that can socialize like to socialize. So it was no wonder he was able to liven up his Pokemon which lead to his Pokemon's need to try harder in terms of impressing him in battle. This lead to the quite rapid evolution of his Pokemon which made Daniel even more happy. While his journey as a trainer may not have been that original in this post apocalyptic world that did change when a group of he and his friends tried to go catch some Pokemon at what they would define the ruins of the old world, which in actuality was just an abandoned power factory that was mostly destroyed during the Groudon incident. It was here that Daniel and a team of three set out and explored various failed power generators and knocked over conduits. Of course no adult would have approved of such haphazard activities and the like but this is how Daniel operated. It was a fun day with him and his friends until due to a lack of structural integrity the building finally decided to cave in.Through the invent use of Pokemon the group was able to stave off death for a little while but it was only when a massive bolt of destructive lighting came down and saved the kids oblivion. It was then that Daniel came face to face with the Legendary Pokemon Zapdos. It was Zapdos that saved the kids, but he was annoyed at there snooping and was going to give the kids a little scare. Unfortunately this was not going to be a peaceful little prank that the legendary for kids did not have the same level fear that they should have. At that age they all thought they were immortal and so were their Pokemon. Everyone in Daniel's crew summoned a Pokemon to do battle with. Five minutes later the all the Pokemon fainted and the children were disheartened but Daniel gave a pep talk that just made everyone feel more relaxed. They weren't battle ready just more relaxed. Zapdos admired the young lads electric personality and was impressed it was then that Zapdos chose Daniel to be his guardian because even if the boy failed the one thing the legendary thunderbird would not be is bored. As Daniel was ecstatic with his new friend he decided that it would be nice to be more competitive at battling because he didn't have anything else to do (schooling was pretty tough sense most of the academies were turned into some form of wreckage). Nevertheless with his energetic Pokemon he was able to do quite well as a battler thus earning him a place in the Tournament of Legends. Pokémon: Zapdos (Genderless)[Lightning Rod]: Zap Cannon, Drill Peck, Roost, Agility Kingler (Male) [Hyper Cutter]: Crab Hammer, Hyper Beam, Surf, Protect Blastoise (Male) [Torrent]: Bubblebeam Hydro Pump, Iron Defense, Double Team Bellosom (Female) [Chlorophyll]: Leaf Storm, Cut, Attract, Sword Dance Ampharos (Female) [Static]: Fire Punch, Discharge, Signal Beam, Light Screen Pichu (Male) [Static]: Thunderwave, Thundershock, Protect, Rain Dance Magmortar (Male) [Flame Body]: Fire Spin, Sunny Day, Flamethrower, Solarbeam Pidgeot (Female) [Tangled Feat]: Mirror Move, Hurricane, Roost, Agility Alakazam (Male) [Synchronize]: Psychic, Recover, Calm Mind, Psybeam Haxorus (Female) [Rivalry]: Dragon Claw, Dragon Tail, Poison Jab, Incinerate Other: Because of his abundant love of socialization and partying he doesn't really take other matters as seriously as they should be. Like the destruction of the all legendary Pokemon or the fact that there is a team of people specifically trying to hunt him down and do away with him. Also thanks to his love of dancing he has superb dance skills, excellent balance, and is surprisingly flexible. These skills may seem random but they come in handy when playing games of hide and seek. [/spoiler] I promise to be active I GIVE MY WORD. [/quote] [b]Well some of your team is original and then the other is fairly common. Having Pokemon like Bellosom in your team is definitely nice. Having an unevolved Pokemon like Pichu is gutsy and original. And I personal love Haxorus and Pidgeot, so I am glad you included them. Unfortunately there isn't much of a theme going on here, I can see how tried to mix some dancing in there and some 'electric' personality, but the rest seem to be random, even if they are cool.[/b] [b]Now onto your actual character, he is definitely original...but a bit too eccentric. I don't see him meshing well with many characters and the 'weird factor' on him is just overwhelming. His clothing choice combined with his overall personality is just downright strange. I would try to make sure your character can mesh with just about any story line. You of course want to make your character unique, which you have greatly achieved, but you don't want him to be so outlandish that no one can really relate to him.[/b] [quote name='Atman Desiderius Seijo' timestamp='1355645800' post='6094754'] [spoiler=App] Username: ǝןddɐǝuıd ǝuǝןɐɔS ǝɥ⊥ Name: Linda "Lynn" Cuore-Aspen Age: 14 Gender: Female Personality: Lynn is a very bubbly character. She's a very happy-go-lucky person, and often will get carried away in the excitedness of a situation. She's very social and befriends people quickly, which will often pass her off as innocent, too trusting, or gullible, when in reality she's anything but. She's pretty wise for her years; she knows a lot about the "reality" of the world, and her steadfast beliefs in it are why she was chosen by the lake guardians. Appearance: Short. Frilly black skirt and black t-shirt. Pale-red jacket. Fair complexion. Blue eyes. Blonde hair, arranged into pigtails. Pale-red wristband. White shoes. Bio: Lynn lives in the town that borders Archanum Lake. Her parents died when she was very young, and with no family that lives nearby, she was adopted by the towns Pokemon Professor, Prof. Aspen, who was a family friend. In her early childhood, she was a pretty introverted girl. However, she eventually got a little older, and met her future Pokemon partner, Shinx. Shinx truly brought out her friendly side, and even though she was too young to be a Pokemon Trainer, she and Shinx would go everywhere together and play. She realized that just because her past wasn't all that great, doesn't mean her future can't be bright. Eventually, she broke 10, Shinx was officially her starter Pokemon, and she was off on her adventure. After a few years of adventuring, she caught wind of a grand Tournament being held next door to her hometown. For that, she decided to pop up for a visit. A few days home, she and Luxio (Shinx had already evolved) were doing some basic training by the lakeside, when something moving in the lake had caught her eye. Suddenly, a small pokemon flew out of the water. Lynn was ready to fight, but something was... off... about this Pokemon. It didn't seem wild, in any sense of the word. It kind of looked... worried. That's when she realized that she had seen this Pokemon before. She's seen this Pokemon everytime the Professor took her out on the lake. The Pokemon was Azelf, one of the legendary Lake Guardians. She could hear the Pokemon's soft voice in her head, as the remaining lake guardians came up beside him. "We need your help. A great catastrophe will occur soon. We need a Champion to protect us. Please..." Lynn was in a slight amount of shock, but she still understood the trio's message. She nodded her head, not truly knowing what was going to happen, but hoping that whatever came to pass, that what she agreed to was the right thing to do. Pokémon: Luxio (F) [Guts] - Thunder Fang, Spark, Light Screen, Tackle Charmeleon (M) [Blaze] - Ember, Smoke Screen, Slash, Fire Fang Sceptile (M) [Overgrow] - Absord, Quick Attack, Fury Cutter, Leaf Blade Glaceon (F) [Snow Cloak] - Tail Whip, Icy Wind, Icy Shard, Blizzard Dusknoir (M) [Pressure] - Night Shade, Disable, Astonish, Shadow Sneak Gliscor (M) [Hyper Cutter] - Acrobatics, Night Slash, Screech, Sky Uppercut Gardevoir (F) [Trace] - Magical Leaf, Wish, Psychic, Future Sight Other: Lynn is colorblind.[/spoiler] I give my word, but calmly. [/quote] [b]Well kudos on providing a female character, which seems to be extremely lacking. So that alone gives you a bit of an edge here. Your team really doesn't follow in sort of theme, nor is it exceptionally original. I do like the fact though, that you included 2 non-fully evolved Pokemon. Your application is really short and is especially lacking in appearance, but that is trivial compared to the lack of information have in your bio section. I want know what happened in those years of travel. Choosing a group of legends that you can't own definitely sets you apart from the others due to the fact legendaries are apart of their team. Your lack of Pokemon, which isn't a bad thing, also sets you apart from the crowd. So I guess the biggest thing to say is that you have a good character here you just are lacking in information.[/b] [quote name='DaWeirdGuy' timestamp='1355663357' post='6094847'] [spoiler=I give my word that this is my own Application]Username: Steeeeeeve (Spooky, right?) Name: Clement Calvinson (I recoloured it Black XP) Age: 21 Gender: Male ("Male or Female ONLY" - while I understand your reasoning, careful with your wording/layout. You could end up insulting people with the mild aggression.) Personality: Initial first impressions of Clement are often one of a Cold and indifferent man. A man without a care for the business, lives or opinions of others. He seems to barely glance at people, and when speaking he generally doesn't pay much attention. His cold stare can cause chills to run down the spine, and his gait suggests self-confidence, but modesty, with a hint of threat to any who oppose him; gaining him respect and fear at the same time. He appears very asocial and distant to others, as if he prefers to keep within his own company and his pokémon's company at all times. However, as anyone who watches the news fully knows, it's simply not true. He is merely a quite, distant and calm young man, who honestly didn't like the limelight that was thrust upon him at his young age. The wealth, he did not mind. Nor the skill, with which he is confident. But the fame did not react well with him, and while he is polite and charming - almost heart-breaking to his female fans - he dislikes the fame and glory. Not that he did much to get rid of it, but we'll get onto that in his bio. He is honest and, while fluid and smooth with words, rather blunt; though it is often a more elegant bluntness. He's cheerful most of the time, and can seem rather nervous and unhinged around new people; being very relaxed and bubbly around new people roughly his age. He loves pokémon training, of course, and often attempts to befriend anyone else who trains pokémon, particularly if they care for pokémon like he does. Not that it's obvious he does. He is mostly famed for his rather ruthless and aggressive battling style; a never-giving-up, pound-opponent-to-oblivion mindset in battle. His pokémon are very attack/speed orientated, and are very direct and unrelenting in their onslaughts. Even his Quilava, which may seem like the weak link in his team, is exceptionally powerful; it's famous for being able to OHKO many pokémon with it's signature move, Eruption. They're move-sets are very aggressive aswell, with most of the attacks being damage-dealing attacks; and powerful ones at that. He's often been critiscised for cruel and power-hungry battling/training styles, which he denies. His training is ruthless and intense, yes, but it isn't without care. He is a caring trainer, and a lover of pokémon from all over. His actual tactic seem s to be to "deal as much damage without getting hurt yourself", and it works, for his pokémon and reknowned for rarely taking damage in a lot of his battles. Appearance:Clement stands at a reasonable 5'11, and holds a rather average body build, perhaps even slightly slim. His light build and weight often provides some misconceptions of weakness, but dont be fooled. If you were to look at him without clothes, you would see a large array of muscles, and many scars from his rough and intense training. He covers these up with a simple, light blue t-shirt under a unbuttoned, black shirt with short sleeves. He also wears a pair of simple, denim jeans, which hold his pokéballs in the pockets and a pair of black & white running shoes. His complexion is really pale, which contrasts heavily with his dark, forest green eyes and brown hair. The medium length hair seems to hold itself in a rather messy, unkempt style; though it isn't that derogatory to his appearance, working in a positive manner for his attractiveness. He has a simple tattoo of an attacking Quilava on the nape of his neck, and a tattoo of a running Suicune on his back; though both are rarely seen due to his hair and clothes. Bio: The story of Clement starts long before his birth. For you see, he belongs to a great and powerful family, a family that has been at the heart of the pokémon world since before history. The most powerful tamers of legends often come from this family, and it is more uncommon to see a League Champion not from this family than to see one that is. As such, they are a rather famous family, worldwide, for many exploits. One of the most famous is the ownership of one of the legendary trios; the Beasts of legend. Three pokéballs, under intense protection and care, left in the ownership of the head of the family. These pokéballs have not opened once in a thousand years, and are said to only open to those whom the beasts would choose themselves. As such, it was much a shock when these pokéballs were stolen, by a group of people who must have been a precursor to the Team Purity movement; Clement ended up discovering that this group of 6 aimed to destroy all legendaries, for fear of their power. But, that's for later. For now, let us get to the cliché introduction of the main protagonist of this Bio; Clement Calvinson. As luck would have it, this boy was born as the son of said head of the family. Now, obviously, this means that this boy was thrust instantly into fame. From a young age, he was a celebrity. The child of one of the most influential families in the whole of Totus, of course that would induce fame. Lots was expected of him. As such, he was trained intensely from a young age, and introduced to pokémon as soon as he could walk and talk. Cyndaquil was delivered to him, and he was forced into ruthless training regimes. And they sort of worked. By the age of ten, when most would be starting their pokémon journey, he was already an incredible pokémon trainer, known over the region for being too talented for his age. His Cyndaquil was devastating, as was the rest of his team, and he was famous for being incredibly aggressive and totally devastating opponent teams. However, it didn't exactly gain loyalty towards the family. As he reached his teens, Clement was incredibly rebellious, and had money and power to back it up. At 13 years old, he would enter competitions and underground tournaments, fight random strangers for no reason, and relish in the tears of a fallen foe. By 15-16, he became more relaxed and less violent, instead devoting himself to parties and Alcohol, and he soon became popular amongst other teens for his partying nature and his attractiveness. But that changed once the pokéballs were stolen. He was thrust into responsibility, and needed to retrieve those pokéballs. Aged 17, he set off from his home and vanished from the public eye for 2 years, setting off in search of the group that had stolen the legends. When he returned, it was with only one pokéball, which had unlocked itself for him, making him the true owner of a Legend, and gaining him more unwanted celebrity status, asides from the returning after 2 years. When he retold his story, he told how he had arrived at the base of this group to find only one pokéball, the others having broken and the pokémon long gone. The leader of the gang had told him how they had aimed to kill the pokémon, but they had proven too powerful and fled instead. The pokéball that remained stayed too powerful for their technology, and they could not break it open. After defeating these puny gang-members, he grabbed the pokéball and released Suicune, who told him how Clement was the true owner of himself, the original Suicune. The other two beasts had gone in search of their own Guardians. What he didn't tell the public was what Suicune had also told him, of the coming threat to the Legendaries. The legendary pokémon of the world were in peril, and were choosing their guardians for the coming battle. And so, Suicune had chosen Clement and would now occompany him to the upcoming Tournament of Legends at Archanum; where the battle would most likely commence. Aware that whatever threat that was after the Legends would most likely come after to him quite quickly, due to his fame for having a Legend, he spent 2 years in training, and has become even more reknowned for his battling skills, defeating the Preliminary rounds with ease, defeating almost all the trainers he came against in one hit, and defeating every single one without a single hint of damage to his pokémon. But this tournament would prove to be a bigger challenge, Clement could feel it. The people who made it here weren't weak; they would be entertaining to say the least. [spoiler=Pokémon:]Ol' Girl/Lapras - Female - Hydration - Rain Dance, Ice beam, Thunder, Surf Sport/Politoed - Male - Drizzle - Scald, Ice Beam, Psychic, Brick Break Quilava - Male - Flash Fire - Inferno, Eruption, Double Edge, Wild Charge Umbreon - Female - Synchronize - Shadow Ball, Psychic, Dig, Dark pulse Metagross - Genderless - Clear Body - Zen Headbutt, Meteor Mash, Hammer Arm, Magnet Rise Dragonite - Female - Multiscale - Draco Meteor, Extremespeed, Fire Punch, Thunder Punch Arcanine - Male - Flash Fire - Extremespeed, Flare Blitz, Crunch, Flame Thrower Togekiss - Female - Serene Grace - Psychic, Extremespeed, AuraSphere, Fly Suicune - Genderless - Water Absorb - Blizzard, Hail, Hydropump, Calm Mind Porygon Z - Genderless - Adaptability - Conversion 2, Thunderbolt, Tri Attack, Dark pulse [/spoiler] Other: His connect with Suicune gives him a small, and currently relatively useless power. Any liquid-based poison is purified when his touches it, making him immune to such poisons. [/spoiler] [/quote] [b]Alright, well nothing extremely unique about your Pokemon make up. I do like that you included Porygon Z, which doesn't get much attention. I would try to be a bit more original with your Pokemon team. I realize that you want to stay competitive in this tournament, but strength doesn't beat creativity. While he seems a bit overpowered, I do like his background story and how you left it open to the fact that he might not win as easily as he is used to. So not much to say, because it is a really good app. One thing I am hesitant about is the fact that you informed your activity has decreased and is continuing to, so the fact that you might jeopradize the RP makes me slightly hesitant. But the app is good and the only thing I see that really bugs me is the lack of creativity in your team.[/b] [quote name='Sweetie Belle' timestamp='1355674931' post='6094939'] [spoiler=Creed. Elliot Creed.]Username: The Entire Population of Equestria Name: Elliot Creed Age: 17 Gender: Male Personality: Contrary to his name, Creed is a liar. But he's a good liar. A smart liar. Most people never realize he's lying until it's too late, or it doesn't matter anymore. Even when he's caught, he's able to weasel his way out of any trouble. He scammed his way to riches, and bribed his way through most of the preliminaries, and is ready to make his way to the top, truthfully or not. Aside from that, his personality is very calming. Even under severe pressure, he functions as smoothly as a machine. He can persuade anyone to do almost anything he wants, even talk a Pokemon into joining him. He is very narcissistic, and with good reason. His suave personality, and silver tongue, gave him the confidence to do just about anything. Appearance: The knives are purely for cosmetic effect and are usually hidden in his sleeve. He keeps his Pokeballs in a compression case which he stores in his inside jacket pocket. Bio: Creed was born into an average, middle class family. He wasn't spoiled, but was always able to get whatever he wanted one way or another. When he became 10, however, he got his Trainer's License and his parents cut him off. He could still occasionally get things for free, but it wasn't as often as before. He began battling in an underground circuit, becoming notorious for allegedly cheating and rigging battles. Of course, no one ever was able to prove that. His constant "winning" brought him enormous wealth. He didn't cheat every battle, though. He still has a very decent battling ability. Creed met Keldeo while wandering though a forest, trying to hide from an angry victim of one of his scams. He came across a clearing, where Keldeo was practicing with his sword. Creed came up to Keldeo, and asked him to join him, holding a Luxury Ball in his hand. In exchange, Creed promised a chance to become far stronger than he could imagine. Keldeo's first response was hesitation. How could he trust this trainer that he's never seen before? But then again, how else would he be able to perfect his swordmanship? After what seemed like an eternity, Keldeo chose to go with Creed. Over their travels, Keldeo began to bond with Creed, managing to look past his... methods. Besides, he had become as stong as he had been promised, and then some. Upon completing the preliminaries, Creed had gained confidence as a powerful trainer, stemming from the one actual battle that he won without bribing someone. He is absolutely sure that he'll win the tournament, one way or another. Pokémon: Mienshao (Male) [Regenerator] Fake Out - Hi Jump Kick - Stone Edge - U-Turn Keldeo (Genderless, but he's definitely gotta be a dude) [Justified] Secret Sword - Hydro Pump - Icy Wind - Protect Chandelure (Male) [Shadow Tag] Flamethrower - Psychic - Shadow Ball - Energy Ball Garchomp (Male) [Rough Skin] Dragon Rush - Earthquake - Stone Edge - Fire Fang Cloyster (Male) [Skill Link] Shell Smash - Icicle Spear - Rock Blast - Razor Shell Forretress (Male) [Sturdy] Stealth Rock - Spikes - Rapid Spin - Gyro Ball Chansey (Female) [Natural Cure] Wish - Softboiled - Toxic - Seismic Toss Breloom (Male) [Poison Heal] Spore - Focus Punch - Mach Punch - Seed Bomb Ditto (Whatever you want it to be) [Impostor] Transform - Transform - Transform - Transform Other: He prefers to be called by his last name, Creed, by anyone who he believes is under him. Which is just about everyone. Unless she's pretty. [/spoiler] Totally finished that bio. DO SERMONEM MEUM. [/quote] [b]Okay so starting with your Pokemon team, Ditto definitely fits your character. Now Keldeo, I see more as the polar opposite of your character, an innocent, honest little Pokemon paired up with a kiniving jerk skilled in duplicity is both interesting and slightly worrying. Due to the fact that I intended the guardians to be chosen because of their similarities with a Pokemon.[/b] [b]Creed is a creative character and meshes well with the story I have planned, completely accidental but nonetheless points in your favor. Personally I hate liars...well I hate liars like Creed anyway. So at a personal level I don't like him, but on a more professional tone I will admit the character is well developed.[/b] [b]--[/b] I am sorry to everyone I have not yet critiqued I am getting bored of critiqueing at the moment and will continue later. No definitive choices have been made in who is participating and I appreciate your patience. 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Love of Ghibli Posted December 22, 2012 Report Share Posted December 22, 2012 [quote name='~Renegade~' timestamp='1356143974' post='6098726'] [b]Well some of your team is original and then the other is fairly common. Having Pokemon like Bellosom in your team is definitely nice. Having an unevolved Pokemon like Pichu is gutsy and original. And I personal love Haxorus and Pidgeot, so I am glad you included them. Unfortunately there isn't much of a theme going on here, I can see how tried to mix some dancing in there and some 'electric' personality, but the rest seem to be random, even if they are cool.[/b] [b]Now onto your actual character, he is definitely original...but a bit too eccentric. I don't see him meshing well with many characters and the 'weird factor' on him is just overwhelming. His clothing choice combined with his overall personality is just downright strange. I would try to make sure your character can mesh with just about any story line. You of course want to make your character unique, which you have greatly achieved, but you don't want him to be so outlandish that no one can really relate to him.[/b] . [/quote] He's a social person how can he not interact and mesh well with others? As for the pokemon line-up yeah why does the line-up have to have a theme again Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ListenToLife Posted December 22, 2012 Report Share Posted December 22, 2012 It's too late to edit the apps, I presume? I wouldn't mind editing the pokémon team, to be honest; it isn't an especially interesting line up for me. My opinion of Lapras is lowering. As for activity; it should be good enough, I reckon. I'm not as low on activity as I thought I would be. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ren✧ Posted December 22, 2012 Author Report Share Posted December 22, 2012 [quote name='Beginning446' timestamp='1356149015' post='6098776'] He's a social person how can he not interact and mesh well with others? As for the pokemon line-up yeah why does the line-up have to have a theme again [/quote] Well it is with my experience that a lot of protagonists in RPs are introverts and while it is nice to have a balance of introverts and extroverts, your character is much too eccentric. Maybe it is just me. As for the line up, I never said it had to be a theme, but it's just something extra that I was seeing if anyone would do. I like themes in teams, more of just a personal thing.[quote name='DaWeirdGuy' timestamp='1356183132' post='6099011'] It's too late to edit the apps, I presume? I wouldn't mind editing the pokémon team, to be honest; it isn't an especially interesting line up for me. My opinion of Lapras is lowering. As for activity; it should be good enough, I reckon. I'm not as low on activity as I thought I would be. [/quote] Hmmm...alright, here is how I'll play it. I'll give everyone their critiques and then they will have one chance to edit whatever they want. Sound good? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ListenToLife Posted December 22, 2012 Report Share Posted December 22, 2012 Sounds good. It seems as if my problem is the lack of originality in the team, so I should be able to work on that quite quickly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ren✧ Posted December 22, 2012 Author Report Share Posted December 22, 2012 [quote name='TheFinalFan' timestamp='1355690730' post='6095164'] Username: Dreadlord Malefius Bonesplitter, Render of Realms Name: [color=#ffd700]Daniel "ThatGuyWithTheGoggles" Andrews[/color] Age: 22 Gender: Male Personality: Daniel is very...eccentric...He can be completely calm and serious one moment, and totally outrageous and silly the next. However, he is very caring about Pokemon, and gets along with with them, especially Bug Pokemon. However, he hates Flying Pokemon and frog-like Pokemon, since they eat bugs. He is technologically literate and uses his laptop often, but he doesn't really like the outdoors, having grown up in a city, and is terrible at living off of the land. He hates people who only see Pokemon as tools and objects or want to release them into the wild because Trainers supposedly treat them badly, like Team Rocket or Team Plasma. Appearance: Daniel has very spiky dirty-blond hair with a yellow patch, though this patch is actually Bit, a Joltik, who feeds off of his static electricity by riding in his hair. His spiky hair is actually a mullet that has spiked up thanks to Chu. He has striking blue eyes, and a lanky build, being 6'4". He has on a T-Shirt with some sort of funny Pokemon anecdote, a safari vest, jeans, hiking boots, a pair of headphones around his neck that are attached to a hi-tech SilphCo device called a "myPod", and a pair of aviator goggles just above his hairline. He also carries around a backpack that has all sorts of gear, including a special extendable bug-catching net, camera, a laptop, and a special new system he hopes to try out at the tournament. Bio: Daniel Andrews, aka, "ThatGuyWithTheGoggles", is a legend on the Pokemon World's Internet. Born and raised in Castelia City, Daniel is the son of Victoria Andrews, a headstrong District Attorney, and Colin Andrews, CEO of Andrews-Mizuhana Shipping, a transportation company operating out of the port. He caught his first Pokemon, a Krabby, when he was 8, and became fascinated with the Bug Pokemon living in the nearby Pinwheel Forest, becoming a Bug Catcher. When the cataclysm hit, Castelia City was relatively unaffected, and now that many of its trading partners were closer than before, the city prospered and thrived, turning into a symbol of wealth and unity. After accumulating loads of information, Daniel started the site "ThatGuyWithTheGoggles.mon" when he was 14 so he could help out Bug Catchers (and later Pokemaniacs) everywhere, becoming the Chief Administrator. With helpful information detailing the latest swarms and how to find the rarest of bugs, TGWTG.mon has grown into an Internet powerhouse. With supporting admins "Linkcada", "TheSpinnyOne", and "TheShedinjaSnob", Daniel now has hundreds of thousands of fans across the world and dozens of contributors to his site, including his idol, Arti, the Castelia City Gym Leader. He is also known for raising a very rare Larvesta into a fully-fledged Volcarona, and has made peace with Hippolyte, a shiny Durant who leads the Durants of the Unova Victory Road in combat against their mortal enemies, the Heatmor. However, Daniel has a secret weapon, an ace up his sleeve: an ancient Pokemon brought back to life through cutting-edge technology, a creature born from Project GENESECT. Through one of his Professors, Dr. Dudley Deurong, Daniel was able to reactivate this former creation of Team Plasma and use it as one of his more prized possessions. He hopes to use this tournament to show that the reconstruction is over, and a new age of science and discovery can begin. Pokémon: [spoiler=Chu] Galvantula ♀ Compoundeyes Modest Thunder Wave, Thunder, Electro Ball, Bug Buzz [/spoiler] [spoiler=Gumbo] Kingler ♂ Shell Armor Adamant Crabhammer, Superpower, Dive, Giga Impact [/spoiler] [spoiler=Flitter] Flygon ♂ Levitate Jolly Earthquake, Iron Tail, Dragon Claw, Outrage [/spoiler] [spoiler=Katy] Leavanny ♀ Swarm Gentle Leaf Blade, X-Scissor, Swords Dance, Shadow Claw [/spoiler] [spoiler=Ajax] Heracross ♂ Swarm Docile Close Combat, Stone Edge, Brick Break, Megahorn [/spoiler] [spoiler=Strata] Crustle ♂ Sturdy Lonely Stone Edge, X-Scissor, Rock Wrecker, Shell Smash [/spoiler] [spoiler=Barbara] Gliscor ♀ Sand Veil Impish Acrobatics, Dig, Night Slash, Aqua Tail [/spoiler] [spoiler=Hippolyte] Durant (Shiny) ♀ Hustle Hasty Iron Head, Crunch, Dig, Thunder Wave [/spoiler] [spoiler=Mothra] Volcarona ♀ Flame Body Modest Bug Buzz, Heat Wave, Quiver Dance, Psychic [/spoiler] [spoiler=01] Genesect X Download No Nature Drive (Burn, Douse, Shock, or Chill, selected before battle) Techno Blast, X-Scissor, Iron Head, Fly [/spoiler] Other: Through Hippolyte, Daniel can command a small detachment of Durant to help him move objects or create underground tunnels. Also, Hippolyte can communicate with him via clicking her mandibles in Morse Code. Also, Daniel does carry around Bit, Chu and Strata's son, in his hair, though Chu carries Byte, Bit's elder sister, on her back. I GIVE MY WORD!!! [/quote] [b]I like that you used a team full of bug type pokemon. They tend to be underused and not get much attention. I also like how you stuck to a theme, although you did use the more popular Pokemon in the 'bug pokemon' category. You character itself is very creative. I definitely like it all around, a guy that creates a massive website and gains internet fame...I've honestly never seen anything like that before. The one problem I am having with your application is Genesect. Throughout your application I could tell that your character was intelligent, but for him to revive Project GENESECT at the age of 22...I don't know whether that is impressive or completely impossible. I would like to know exactly how he came upon Gensect and booted him up. Otherwise this looks like a pretty solid app.[/b][quote name='Chaos Sonic' timestamp='1355698881' post='6095291'] [b]Username:[/b] [s]Chaos Sonic[/s] Yo Momma Be Ugly [b]Name: [/b][color=#FF0000]Blake "Blazing Justice" Hellstorm[/color] [b]Age:[/b] 18 [b]Gender:[/b] Male [spoiler=Personality:] Blake Hellstorm has a fiery spirit and a burning heart. He respects all the Pokemon he has caught through his journey, especially the Legendary that confronted him for assistance. He is a loyal friend and a great asset to any trainer that crosses paths with him and his Pokemon. He shares a strong sense of those who harm and steal Pokemon should be stopped and taught a lesson. Blake also gives his opponent praise in battles, whether he wins or loses, and he always gives his own Pokemon a confidence boost no matter what the outcome of the battle may be.[/spoiler] [spoiler=Appearance:] [img]http://th08.deviantart.net/fs71/PRE/i/2010/100/8/7/Me_as_a_Pokemon_Trainer_by_kusanagi91.jpg[/img] Blake looks exactly like above, however the shirt under his jacket and pants are different. The shirt under his jacket is brick red with some orange tints to it while the pants are dark blue. He also has a small chain hang from the left side of his belt.[/spoiler] [spoiler=Bio:] Blake Hellstorm was born in what used to be the Johto region, specifically in Blackthorn City, a place where he was surrounded by dragon-types for his entire life. He was born to a local Dragonmaster who trained under the Gym Leader Clair, and what a Dragonmaster he was. Blake adored his father just because of this, mainly cause all he had left was him after his mother was lost after an accident, which he never figured out what. Blake would watch his father and his Salamance train rigorously, at least from what he could remember. A year later, Blake lost his father after a freak accident involving remnants of Team Rocket trying to attack Blackthorn City. There he thought he was truly alone, as he never even had his first Pokemon yet...and no one else to comfort him. But fate has a funny way of bringing things together. A day after the funeral for Blake's father, young Hellstorm was confronted by a Legendary Pokemon never seen by any other region except Unova: [color=#008080]Cobalion, the leader of the Swords of Justice. [/color]Blake was a bit startled by this, but the Pokemon's words began to comfort him. [i][color=#008080]I have felt your grief, Blake. Do not despair! When you are of proper age...you will begin a journey. And during that journey, you will seek me out again. When that happens, you will become my champion. Then I will explain everything to you.[/color][/i] Blake thought this was a dream, cause as he blinked once, Cobalion was gone. But the Pokemon was right about one thing, his journey did begin not too long after. Armed with his first Pokemon, a Charmander, he set out to try and find the Pokemon he had seen so long ago. At the age of 18, Blake had traveled around the newly created region, catching new Pokemon and even making new friends...but he never found that Pokemon he met so long ago. He made camp in White Forest, from the part of the region that used to be Unova and him and his Charizard stood there just relaxing. There and then, Blake was confronted by Cobalion, who quickly remembered him. [color=#008080][i]You have grown, Blake. And you have trained long and hard to appear here. As I said long ago, when you began to seek me out...you will become my champion. Now I can explain everything.[/i][/color] For the remainder of that night, Cobalion explained what was going on and what he meant by "Champion". After listening, Blake accepted as he took an old Master Ball that he was given by Sliph Co. and pointed at Cobalion, who was caught willingly. Now with the tournament fast approaching, Blake and Cobalion will defy all odds to win![/spoiler] [b]Pokémon:[/b] 1.) Charizard (Male / Blaze / Blast Burn, Fly, Flamethrower, Dragon Pulse) 2.) Tyranitar (Male / Sand Stream / Surf, Giga Impact, Dragon Claw, Dragon Tail) 3.) [color=#008080]Cobalion (None...but we all got to admit its definitely a Male / Justified / Sacred Sword, Close Combat, Focus Blast, Zen Headbutt)[/color] 4.) Arcanine (Male / Intimidate / Extreme Speed, Fire Fang, Thunder Fang, Fire Blast) 5.) Jolteon (Male / Volt Absorb / Thunder Fang, Thunder, Quick Attack, Charge Cannon) 6.) Braviary (Male / Sheer Force / Brave Bird, Wing Attack, Aerial Ace, Sky Drop) 7.) [b]Lucario[/b] (Male & Shiny / Inner Focus / Aura Sphere, Dark Pulse, Extreme Speed, Metal Claw) 9.) Lapras (Female / Shell Armor / Surf, Hydro Pump, Ice Beam, Body Slam) 10.) Dusknoir (Male / Pressure / Will-O-Wisp, Shadow Punch, ThunderPunch, Shadow Ball) [b]Other:[/b] ~Because Cobalion is the leader of "The Swords of Justice", Blake has been trying to create a small group for the upcoming tournament for the other three members of "The Swords of Justice" join, entitled: "The Blades of Four". ~Ever since Blake met Cobalion and even after he caught him, he has a lot more pride in himself, and wanting to protect as many Pokemon as he can. [b]I GIVE MY WORD!![/b] [/quote] [b]Well I am going to start with something petty. Hellstorm? Really? Seems a bit cliche/ridiculous. Moving on to your team make up. I was expecting more firey Pokemon from your character. It looks like you took a few powerhouses from a few types and then put them in a team. I would like to see more creativity and strategy among your Pokemon line up. Pokemon like Tyranitar, Lucario, and Dusknoir are going to be used by a lot of characters, to my dismay, and I would suggest replacing them with something else. And perhaps getting a more definitive ORIGINAL theme, I am not suggesting you go all fire type, but throw in some high energy Pokemon(fire/electricity/fighting). I like how your trying to throw in your own subplot here with the Blades of Four and it is pretty original.[/b] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ListenToLife Posted December 22, 2012 Report Share Posted December 22, 2012 Changed up the team. It's more of a under-used powerhouse team now, with a couple of add-ons. Stuff like Donphan and Breloom. The 'theme' seems to be offensive pokémon, I think. Though it isn't a perfect theme, it sort of fits. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Chaos Sonic Posted December 22, 2012 Report Share Posted December 22, 2012 Well I originally had him for a different RP....but I can rework it. So give me a bit of time and I'll get to it ^^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ren✧ Posted December 22, 2012 Author Report Share Posted December 22, 2012 [quote name='Enrise' timestamp='1355797402' post='6096424'] I GIVE MY WORD. I guess. [color=#5A5A5A][font=tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif][size=3]Username: Professor Dinkle-berry-berg[/size][/font][/color] [color=#5A5A5A][font=tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif][size=3]Name: [/size][/font][/color][color=#9966ff][font=tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif][size=3]Jari Ravensong[/size][/font][/color] [color=#5A5A5A][font=tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif][size=3]Age: 23[/size][/font][/color] [color=#5A5A5A][font=tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif][size=3]Gender: Male[/size][/font][/color] [color=#5A5A5A][font=tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif][size=3]Personality: A complete hardass when it comes to life, Jari takes life [i]way[/i] too seriously for his own good. However, despite his over-serious nature when it comes to life, he nonetheless means his actions with the best of intentions. Whatever his friends, allies, or what have you, he does his best to try and make sure they come out safe, and more so for his Pokemon. With his Pokemon, he doesn't really consider them to be just Pokemon; he considers them to be of great and of equal level of humans. He considers it a shame that he can't exactly fight alongside with them.[/size][/font][/color] [color=#5A5A5A][font=tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif][size=3][spoiler=Appearance:][/size][/font][/color] [img]http://th03.deviantart.net/fs71/PRE/i/2011/273/8/2/long_haired_james_by_k_rocket-d4bf67d.jpg[/img] [color=#5A5A5A][font=tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif][size=3]Truth be told, that's his actual appearance, with no alterations... I mean, I guess he's around 6' 2", weighs about 176 lbs... You can see he's built. Yeah. There's really nothing else to mention cause that's his appearance. [/spoiler][/size][/font][/color] [color=#5A5A5A][font=tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif][size=3][spoiler=Bio:] At the age of 7 on Jari's birthday, his father gave him his very first Pokemon: Absol. At the time, Absol was a cub, and looked like a stuffed animal at times. Despite the stuffed animal look, Jari kept treating it like it was real (even though he would sleep with him all the time). The two would often travel the nearby forest that was by their home, searching new places, Pokemon, and who knows what else in the forest. Speaking of which...[/size][/font][/color] [color=#5A5A5A][font=tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif][size=3]It was around the age of 15 where Jari and Absol traveled the forest yet again. Thus far, they had their allies Shedinja and Gardevoir with them...[/size][/font][/color] [color=#5A5A5A][font=tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif][size=3]An anecdote: Gardevoir was originally his mother's Pokemon, and decided to gift him with her since she decided that Jari would be better off with Gardevoir than without her. Gardevoir nonetheless agreed as it was her original master's intentions, and now follow's Jari. Shedinja was founded after a Nincada evolved into a Ninjask, and saw the remains that were left behind, and took it for himself as a personal keepsake, which eventually became a Shedinja.[/size][/font][/color] [font=tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif][color=#5a5a5a][size=3]Back to the story, Jari and his team were travelling the forest when it started to get darker in the vicinity. The darkening of the sky was odd, considering that his watch said it was noon. Absol on the other hand knew something was around. Jari only stared into the distances around him, and saw only black. Soon that was all he could see. Little did he know that he was now asleep, and under the influence of Darkrai. Jari could no longer see Absol, his presence wasn't detected. Trying to scurry around, he soon saw Darkrai. In the clutches of Darkrai's power, Jari could do nothing, but submit to his will. Darkrai, on the other hand, did nothing for a while. Or at least it felt a while. Perhaps it was an eternity, or just a few minutes. Jari's sense of time wasn't there with him in Darkrai's presence. After the wait, Darkrai finally made his move, and unleash a swarm of nightmares for Jari to succumb or to overcome.[/size][/color][/font] [color=#5A5A5A][font=tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif][size=3]It didn't occur to Jari how much time it took to overcome the nightmares, but when he did, he awoke, and saw that Absol was sleeping with him, silently and happily...[/size][/font][/color] [color=#5A5A5A][font=tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif][size=3]Several years later, he was out travelling the world, searching again for Darkrai. It wasn't in his particular interest to partake in tournaments or such. His party at the time was as previous with Metagross, Bisharp, and Tyranitar.[/size][/font][/color] [font=tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif][color=#5a5a5a][size=3] Anecdote again!: When Jari was out in a junk yard on a whim for some Metal pokemon, where he came across a Beldum floating around. The floating Beldum appeared to be sad, judging by its pace. When it noticed Jari, it's spirits were lifted, and traveled to Jari at a rapid pace, almost knocking him down. Since the Beldum seemed very friendly, Jari couldn't really leave the Beldum behind, so he gave the Beldum a place in his team. He still couldn't figure out to this day why Beldum (or now Metagross), was attracted to him in such a way.[/size][/color][/font] [color=#5A5A5A][font=tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif][size=3]As for Bisharp, he was also found in the Junkyard. Or rather, there were a group of them, as well as Pawniards. The Bisharps attacked them, only to be fended off. The leader took the chance and challenged them, specifically Jari. Jari could only agree to compete, but it seems as though the Bisharps wanted to fight Jari, not the Pokemon. Jari didn't know what to do at the time, so Jari did nothing but dodge his attacks. Eventually, Jari grew tired, yet the Bisharp did not. Infact, the Bisharp decided it was best that Jari left. Jari peered around the area, and said no. The defiance that Jari showed to Bisharp impressed him, and offered to help on him his travels. Jari as well had no idea why this happened. Really, the entire Junkyard was a haven of unusual happenings, so he decided to leave. In fact, it was best he left, he couldn't handle such events at the yard.[/size][/font][/color] [color=#5A5A5A][font=tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif][size=3]Tyranitar was founded as a Pupitar in the desert while injured. Jari, having only a few Pokeballs and Potions at the time, decided to either catch the Pupitar and heal, or heal and let the Pupitar go. While trying to get a look at the Pupitar, a gang of Trapinches surrounded them, almost trying to assault the Pupitar. Jari brought out Absol to try and fend them off, while trying to heal the Pupitar, and letting it flee. After defeating the Trapinch's and healing Pupitar, the Pupitar seemed somewhat reluctant to flee from Jari. Jari took the chance, and offered the Pupitar a place in the team.[/size][/font][/color] [color=#5A5A5A][font=tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif][size=3](Okay, I'm gonna only mention Kabutops, since the last three Pokemon on the team are all won over by pretty much the same cliche'd methods as previously stated in the this Bio. Kabutops is really the only one that's unique.)[/size][/font][/color] [color=#5A5A5A][font=tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif][size=3]While out traveling underneath the ground, about a mile or so deep, many fossils could be found from the lost age of Pokemon. Looking around, he saw some of these fossils resembling Pokemon he saw in a book. Looking around the cave, and seeing no one, he quickly took out a fossil (without authorization), and rushed over to the nearest lab he could that would be able to revive the Pokemon. When at the lab, a group of bandits attempted to take the place hostage. At the right time however, Kabutops was resurrected and attacked the bandits in self-defense. After minutes of the bandit's defeat, the Kabutops looked to Jari with the same glare as it gave the bandits, and attacked him. Absol, luckily being out of the Pokeball at the time, blocked the attacks and rushed Kabutops into submission, allowing Jari to capture it. Quite frankly, even after catching the Kabutops, Jari is still having trouble maintaining it to treat Jari as an equal, ironically.[/size][/font][/color] [color=#5A5A5A][font=tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif][size=3][/spoiler][/size][/font][/color] [color=#5A5A5A][font=tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif][size=3]Pokémon:[/size][/font][/color][list] [*][color=#5A5A5A][font=tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif][size=3]Absol -Male- [Justified] / Swords Dance; Night Slash; Punishment; Megahorn[/size][/font][/color] [*][color=#5A5A5A][font=tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif][size=3]Shedinja -NA- [Wonder Guard] / Shadow Ball; Leech Life; Bug Buzz; X-Scissor[/size][/font][/color] [*][color=#5A5A5A][font=tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif][size=3]Gardevoir -Female- [Telepathy] / Hypnosis; Dream Eater; Heal Pulse; Psychic[/size][/font][/color] [*][color=#5A5A5A][font=tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif][size=3]Metagross -NA- [Clear Body] / Hyper Beam; Meteor Mash; Zen Headbutt; Iron Defense[/size][/font][/color] [*][color=#5A5A5A][font=tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif][size=3]Bisharp -Male- [Defiant] / Guillotine; Swords Dance; Foul Play; Iron Head[/size][/font][/color] [*][color=#5A5A5A][font=tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif][size=3]Tyranitar -Female- [Sand Stream] / Giga Impact; Hyper Beam; Stone Edge; Stone Edge[/size][/font][/color] [*][color=#5A5A5A][font=tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif][size=3]Kabutops -Male- [Battle Armor] / Wring Out; Surf; Scald; Ancient Power[/size][/font][/color] [*][color=#5A5A5A][font=tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif][size=3]Gyarados -Female- [Moxie] / Hydro Pump; Aqua Tail; Dragon Rage; Dragon Dance[/size][/font][/color] [*][color=#5A5A5A][font=tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif][size=3]Haxorus -Male- [Mold Breaker] / Giga Impact; Dragon Pulse; Outrage; Swords Dance[/size][/font][/color] [*][color=#5A5A5A][font=tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif][size=3]Charizard -Female- [Solar Power] / Fly; Flare Blitz; Heat Wave; Inferno[/size][/font][/color] [/list] [color=#5A5A5A][font=tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif][size=3]Other: Because of his encounter with Darkrai, Jari is fully conscious in his dreams. (Has no effect on the RP hopefully)[/size][/font][/color] _____ I believe I'm set for now. [/quote] [b]I'll start with your Pokemon line up. It seems to be pretty unoriginal. You have Pokemon like Metagross, Tyranitar, and Gyarados, which can be found in most competitive teams and really isn't creative or original. As for your bio, I really don't know much about your character's life except how he caught different Pokemon, which got boring after the first few Pokemon. Also, and I probably should've mentioned this before, I don't really like Absol being in your team just because the king in the RP has an Absol. I'm not going to make you change it, just mentioning it. I don't have much to say on your application because while you have a lot of information written down it is pretty much the same thing over and over again. I want to know more about your actual character and a little less on how he caught his Pokemon.[/b]Alright I have reviewed all the applications. I will give you guys a few days to edit your application and then I will choose who exactly is going to be participating in this RP. Please don't take anything I said in my critiques personally, I don't mean to offend just help. Thank you guys for spending time to create the applications and no matter the results thank you for showing interest in my RP. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Love of Ghibli Posted December 22, 2012 Report Share Posted December 22, 2012 Well I changed a member of my team, I'm really not seeing how Daniel is too eccentric but this is my app and I'm proud of it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Chaos Sonic Posted December 22, 2012 Report Share Posted December 22, 2012 Changed the name and Pokemon. So hopefully it looks better ^^ [b]Username:[/b] [s]Chaos Sonic[/s] Yo Momma Be Ugly [b]Name: [/b][color=#FF0000]Blake "Blazing Justice" Aston[/color] [b]Age:[/b] 18 [b]Gender:[/b] Male [spoiler=Personality:] Blake Aston has a fiery spirit and a burning heart. He respects all the Pokemon he has caught through his journey, especially the Legendary that confronted him for assistance. He is a loyal friend and a great asset to any trainer that crosses paths with him and his Pokemon. He shares a strong sense of those who harm and steal Pokemon should be stopped and taught a lesson. Blake also gives his opponent praise in battles, whether he wins or loses, and he always gives his own Pokemon a confidence boost no matter what the outcome of the battle may be.[/spoiler] [spoiler=Appearance:] [img]http://th08.deviantart.net/fs71/PRE/i/2010/100/8/7/Me_as_a_Pokemon_Trainer_by_kusanagi91.jpg[/img] Blake looks exactly like above, however the shirt under his jacket and pants are different. The shirt under his jacket is brick red with some orange tints to it while the pants are dark blue. He also has a small chain hang from the left side of his belt.[/spoiler] [spoiler=Bio:] Blake Aston was born in what used to be the Johto region, specifically in Blackthorn City, a place where he was surrounded by dragon-types for his entire life. He was born to a local Dragonmaster who trained under the Gym Leader Clair, and what a Dragonmaster he was. Blake adored his father just because of this, mainly cause all he had left was him after his mother was lost after an accident, which he never figured out what. Blake would watch his father and his Salamance train rigorously, at least from what he could remember. A year later, Blake lost his father after a freak accident involving remnants of Team Rocket trying to attack Blackthorn City. There he thought he was truly alone, as he never even had his first Pokemon yet...and no one else to comfort him. But fate has a funny way of bringing things together. A day after the funeral for Blake's father, young Aston was confronted by a Legendary Pokemon never seen by any other region except Unova: [color=#008080]Cobalion, the leader of the Swords of Justice. [/color]Blake was a bit startled by this, but the Pokemon's words began to comfort him. [i][color=#008080]I have felt your grief, Blake. Do not despair! When you are of proper age...you will begin a journey. And during that journey, you will seek me out again. When that happens, you will become my champion. Then I will explain everything to you.[/color][/i] Blake thought this was a dream, cause as he blinked once, Cobalion was gone. But the Pokemon was right about one thing, his journey did begin not too long after. Armed with his first Pokemon, a Charmander, he set out to try and find the Pokemon he had seen so long ago. At the age of 18, Blake had traveled around the newly created region, catching new Pokemon and even making new friends...but he never found that Pokemon he met so long ago. He made camp in White Forest, from the part of the region that used to be Unova and him and his Charizard stood there just relaxing. There and then, Blake was confronted by Cobalion, who quickly remembered him. [color=#008080][i]You have grown, Blake. And you have trained long and hard to appear here. As I said long ago, when you began to seek me out...you will become my champion. Now I can explain everything.[/i][/color] For the remainder of that night, Cobalion explained what was going on and what he meant by "Champion". After listening, Blake accepted as he took an old Master Ball that he was given by Sliph Co. and pointed at Cobalion, who was caught willingly. Now with the tournament fast approaching, Blake and Cobalion will defy all odds to win![/spoiler] [b]Pokémon:[/b] 1.) Charizard (Male / Blaze / Blast Burn, Fly, Flamethrower, Dragon Pulse) 2.) Blaziken (Male / Blaze / Sky Uppercut, Blaze Kick, Double Kick, Flare Blitz) 3.) [color=#008080]Cobalion (None...but we all got to admit its definitely a Male / Justified / Sacred Sword, Close Combat, Focus Blast, Zen Headbutt)[/color] 4.) Arcanine (Male / Intimidate / Extreme Speed, Fire Fang, Thunder Fang, Fire Blast) 5.) Jolteon (Male / Volt Absorb / Thunder Fang, Thunder, Quick Attack, Charge Cannon) 6.) Braviary (Male / Sheer Force / Brave Bird, Wing Attack, Aerial Ace, Sky Drop) 7.) Raichu (Male / Static / Volt Tackle, Iron Tail, Electro Ball, Quick Attack) 9.) Torkoal (Male / White Smoke / Iron Defense, Body Slam, Overheat, Flamethrower) 10.) Electrivre (Male / Motor Drive / Fire Punch, Thunder Punch, Wild Charge, Thunderbolt) [b]Other:[/b] ~Because Cobalion is the leader of "The Swords of Justice", Blake has been trying to create a small group for the upcoming tournament for the other three members of "The Swords of Justice" join, entitled: "The Blades of Four". ~Ever since Blake met Cobalion and even after he caught him, he has a lot more pride in himself, and wanting to protect as many Pokemon as he can. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ListenToLife Posted December 22, 2012 Report Share Posted December 22, 2012 In Beginning's defense, he generally does pick the most eccentric and unusual characters possible, and makes them work. Very well. They're often some of the characters that I hate and love the most, at the same time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ren✧ Posted December 22, 2012 Author Report Share Posted December 22, 2012 [quote name='Beginning446' timestamp='1356188718' post='6099059'] Well I changed a member of my team, I'm really not seeing how Daniel is too eccentric but this is my app and I'm proud of it. [/quote] I am not saying you shouldn't be proud of it. I think you are taking this much too personally. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
~British Soul~ Posted December 22, 2012 Report Share Posted December 22, 2012 I suppose the main changes I should make are to my pokemon roster, just need to decide which ones, and what will replace them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Premier Alexander Romanov Posted December 22, 2012 Report Share Posted December 22, 2012 For Daniel's defense, it is mentioned that he had the help of a Prof. Dudley Deurong. In the game, Scientist Dudley is the one in the P2 Lab whom you encounter and receive the Genesect from. I was referencing that he became a professor at Castelia University, my character subsequently found out about the project, and helped to bring the secret Team Plasma project back online. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ren✧ Posted December 22, 2012 Author Report Share Posted December 22, 2012 [quote name='TheFinalFan' timestamp='1356201271' post='6099190'] For Daniel's defense, it is mentioned that he had the help of a Prof. Dudley Deurong. In the game, Scientist Dudley is the one in the P2 Lab whom you encounter and receive the Genesect from. I was referencing that he became a professor at Castelia University, my character subsequently found out about the project, and helped to bring the secret Team Plasma project back online. [/quote] Okay, I haven't gotten Genesect in my game. Alright thanks for the clarification. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Chaos Sonic Posted December 22, 2012 Report Share Posted December 22, 2012 So Renegade...how's my app look now? I hope it does...^^; Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ren✧ Posted December 22, 2012 Author Report Share Posted December 22, 2012 [quote name='Chaos Sonic' timestamp='1356208382' post='6099305'] So Renegade...how's my app look now? I hope it does...^^; [/quote] Looks good. Name isn't quite so ridiculous, lol. Also, theme is much more recognizable now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Chaos Sonic Posted December 22, 2012 Report Share Posted December 22, 2012 WHOO! XD Good to hear LOL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Piercer of the Heavens Posted December 22, 2012 Report Share Posted December 22, 2012 [quote name='~Renegade~' timestamp='1356143974' post='6098726'] [b]Well I'll start with what I liked the most. Your Pokemon team is pretty original. You managed to stick to your theme of water type Pokemon, but excluded Gyarados and Lapras and instead added Pokemon like Gorebyss, Cloyster, and Relicanth, who don't see much attention. While I do like the fact that you stuck to a theme, I am not too fond of the theme you chose. Creating a team solely based on a Pokemon type, is easy to do and has been done before. Especially choosing Water type as your theme, instead of choosing a lesser used type like Bug or Poison. The originality of your team may counteract this though...[/b] [b]I don't like the opening of your bio. This Pokemon Ranger comes to your house after fending off pirates to save a Pokemon egg and that egg happens to be a Manaphy. That sounds extremely similar to Manaphy's movie. The problem here is, that the events in the Manaphy movie would've happened at least 50 years ago. So you are copying events that happened in the past and pasting them into existence 50 years later. This doesn't show creativity or originality. So, while I do encourage using preconstructed background stories provided by the Pokemon anime, copying it nearly exactly isn't what I am looking for.[/b] [b]Your personality slightly contradicts itself. Here you have a super lazy guy that almost does nothing...but then you strives to be a great swimmer and Trainer. Training to become a swimmer takes a lot of determination and effort, neither of which your character seems to really have.[/b] [/quote] Your right about the pokemon anime. I couldn't think of a better way for him to come in contact at that moment. I switched it though, now it is just dumb luck that the egg came into his families hands. Also it is no longer Manaphy, it is Phione. As I tried to fix the personality contradiction by adding somethings to the "Other" portion of the app. Tell me how it looks now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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