Ｄｈａｒｃ Posted February 5, 2013 Report Share Posted February 5, 2013 Why on earth wouldn't you tell her?! She needs to know! If I had just kept quiet every time I loved someone, then Dem and I would never be what we are now...I know you're scared of what might happen, and I know that you're worried about how she might react, especially regarding how she'll be going to college soon, but it's not smart to just sit back. Take the initiative. TELL HER. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Great Unclean One: VK Posted February 5, 2013 Report Share Posted February 5, 2013 Marisa, this is a damned if you do, damned if you don't. Might as well do it. Just realize this. College is a place that'll consume her time, what with work and schooling, and potentially dangerous should she go to parties and what not. Expect to hardly see her and for the relationship to be strained to it's limits. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Agro Posted February 5, 2013 Report Share Posted February 5, 2013 Alright, well, I suppose that this is as good a place as any...So, as some of you know by now, I'm somewhat in a relationship with Dem. But it seems like, to me, she doesn't even want me to care...Every time I try to care for her or support her or show her that I live her, she shoves me away and says she's fine...I can't stand it... How long's that been going on? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rapidfire Posted February 6, 2013 Report Share Posted February 6, 2013 Alright so everyone else pretty much made the point that you should tell her about how you feel. Really I'm sure she'll have feelings for you that stretch way past best friends. Just tell her. If I myself was in love with my best friend I would tell him in a really stupid, and just down right fun way. The thing is he would understand, and it wouldn't really put any sort of pressure on him because well one the confession would be my feelings, but at the same time the person he knows the best. Now just to clear this up I would never confess to my best friend because I look at him like a brother, and there just isn't that presence around him. And since you said that you guys are very close nit, and almost act like couples I really do think that she would return your feelings on some level. So really screw the fact that she has college in a couple of months. I'm sure she would love those last couple of months if she was with you. I would say good luck, but clearly you don't need it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mugendramon Posted February 6, 2013 Report Share Posted February 6, 2013 I actually think you ought to take the careful road. Like casually ask her some time or another if she's ever experimented, or thought about it. Since you know, confessing if she's never ever considered giving a girl a chance might not go as well as you might want it to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blake Posted February 6, 2013 Report Share Posted February 6, 2013 @Marisa: *Clears throat* If you're going to tell her, do NOT expect it to turn out well. You need to be steeled that it's better to not hide it from her and potentially lose her than to keep on admiring her from afar, so to speak. I'm not saying expect it to end badly, just be prepared for if that's the case. When I told Caeda, I was totally prepared for her to push me away and/or have our relationship be awkward, but... I see it that it's better to tell someone the truth than hide it, so I did. But it wasn't right to HER to hide it from her. Your situation is just as precarious if not moreso... So only tell her if you feel that it's for the best, not YOUR best, no matter what happens. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dwarven King Posted February 6, 2013 Report Share Posted February 6, 2013 So, this is going to be ridiculous and dumb because I know what I need to do. And I know that I'll do it. But hey, I need reassurance. It doesn't hurt. The girl I've liked since October, the senior I've mentioned quite a few times before, is graduating in a few months. We're incredibly close, and I'm with her often. And I just - there are no words for her. Whoever invented this language didn't anticipate her. And my God, when I look at her - it's the most serene feeling. She's effortlessly stunning. We act like a couple, but that's just because of our close dynamics. She's straight, but sometimes I feel like she could be fluid with her sexuality. Or that maybe, just maybe, I could make the difference (that's me being idealistic, but it's incredibly strong the feeling I get from her when I'm with her). I just feel like I need to say something because if she truly could be into me, I don't want to miss out on moments I could have with her romantically. But then again, she's leaving after the summer, so I don't know if it's the right thing to do. DO I TAKE THE RISK AND TELL HER HOW I FEEL? OR LEAVE IT ALONE BECAUSE SHE NEEDS TO FOCUS ON COLLEGE? ((again, I know what I'm going to do, just ahhh I need encouragement)) I'm going to have to agree with everyone here. You need to tell her. It's in your best interest, and hers, that you don't hide your feelings. But like Black said, expect the unexpected. These kinds of things can go either way. So go tell her! And if she feels uncomfortable with it, tell her your fine with just staying friends. Alright...I suppose I should ACTUALLY post something here. Sadly, it's not really about me and relationships with someone else. It's about my sister, her situation, and what I should do. So...yesterday I decided to send my little sister a text. Now, so everyone knows, I live in Arkansas. She lives in Wisconsin with our dad. I have not seen her in two years due to me having to work, pay bills, etc. Anyway, I was having a nice little conversation when she decided she needed to tell me a secret I couldn't tell anyone else. Like the amazing older brother I am, I told her that her secret is safe with me. Of course, she already knows she can tell me anything and has before. But, I was preparing for the worst. Weapons were already being stuffed into a bag as I assumed she was going to tell me she was pregnant. Thankfully, that wasn't it. She told me she was only dating guys to hide the fact that she actually likes girls and finds them attractive. Now, before anyone jumps to conclusions, you should know that I am FINE with this piece of information. I have no problem who my sister decides to date, and made the EXTREMELY clear to her and made sure she knew I still loved her. That's not why I'm saying all this. I'm saying all this because she has yet to tell our dad and step-mom. She has no idea how to tell them, and I have no answers for them. She's always been a good girl who made her father proud. And now she's afraid she's about to disappoint him. I know our dad will accept her choice, but I have no idea how to make her believe that or to tell her how to break the news. I also know she's going to meet some opposition for her choice, but I don't know how to help her through that opposition. I'm not naive enough to believe I can protect her from bad things or that the world is this amazing place that accepts everyone. But I also know my sister is just a little girl and I don't wanna see her hurt. I know I may have gone a bit off-topic here, but I need help with this. The only thing I know to do is be as supportive as I can, but I feel that may not be enough. And I really don't know how to help someone who is wanting to reveal such a thing. So I'm here asking you guys. YCM...what should I do? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Merci Posted February 6, 2013 Report Share Posted February 6, 2013 @Dwarven King...well, can't say I'm unfamiliar with that scenario. You just have to keep being supportive of her, and in a modern world, I doubt it'll turn out too bad for her.....maybe. Being gay/lesbian is still pretty harsh in today's society though, and in all honesty, only she can take herself to places. It's her own choices and decisions that you have to depend upon for her safety, and you have to support her every step of the way. And if she's dating guys only to hide her true sexuality...well, she can't keep on doing that forever, and I feel sorry for her well-being if she chooses to continue on that path. It's stressful, and isn't healthy (imagine a straight man pretending to be gay, it must seriously ache him deep inside, wouldn't it?) Sooner or later, she'll have to stop, embrace herself, and find a girlfriend that she can love. Either way, remember to support her. Her life will not be an easy one for sure, it'll be stressful, but you as her older brother must continue to watch over her and protect her when things get serious. You won't be able to do too much, since you're so far away, but you can still be there. Like, over the internet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ｄｈａｒｃ Posted February 6, 2013 Report Share Posted February 6, 2013 How long's that been going on? The relationship or the emotional distance? We've only been a couple for a few weeks, but she's been like that for as long as I've been close to her...So, around this time last year. We actually had a fight about it the other night... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marisa Kirisame-ze Posted February 7, 2013 Report Share Posted February 7, 2013 I want to say don't make the same mistake I did and that you should tell her how you feel, but you're in a different scenario than mine. If you have a mutual friend who is aware of your feelings, or you would trust them with, then use them to help boost your confidence. You definitely need to tell her you like her, but make sure that she's comfortable with your confession. But...but...I wasn't even... ugh. I wasn't even being negative... @Agro: Exactly. If a person is deluded enough, they might just think that. That's what I meant. Just let it be. @Marisa: You MUST tell her how you feel! Seriously, you must! There's nothing for you to regret, so you have to tell her! If she's leaving for college, it'll make you wait THAT MUCH LONGER to tell her your true feelings. Without a doubt, it is definitely the right thing to do. Even if she turns out to think of you as just a friend...that's alright, isn't it? Makes things a little more awkward, but pretty much the same as usual. Tell her. You MUST tell her your feelings for her. ^_^ Marisa-Sama.... Yes. Tell her how you feel. If it turns out that she doesn't, can't, or even just won't feel the same or accept it, you'll only regret it more if you don't tell her. Sometimes the results of honesty are regret, but if you don't tell the truth, then it'll only ever lead to regret. There's only one way you're ever going to truly know how she feels about you, and you already knew what it is. Why on earth wouldn't you tell her?! She needs to know! If I had just kept quiet every time I loved someone, then Dem and I would never be what we are now...I know you're scared of what might happen, and I know that you're worried about how she might react, especially regarding how she'll be going to college soon, but it's not smart to just sit back. Take the initiative. TELL HER. Marisa, this is a damned if you do, damned if you don't. Might as well do it. Just realize this. College is a place that'll consume her time, what with work and schooling, and potentially dangerous should she go to parties and what not. Expect to hardly see her and for the relationship to be strained to it's limits. Alright so everyone else pretty much made the point that you should tell her about how you feel. Really I'm sure she'll have feelings for you that stretch way past best friends. Just tell her. If I myself was in love with my best friend I would tell him in a really stupid, and just down right fun way. The thing is he would understand, and it wouldn't really put any sort of pressure on him because well one the confession would be my feelings, but at the same time the person he knows the best. Now just to clear this up I would never confess to my best friend because I look at him like a brother, and there just isn't that presence around him. And since you said that you guys are very close nit, and almost act like couples I really do think that she would return your feelings on some level. So really screw the fact that she has college in a couple of months. I'm sure she would love those last couple of months if she was with you. I would say good luck, but clearly you don't need it. I actually think you ought to take the careful road. Like casually ask her some time or another if she's ever experimented, or thought about it. Since you know, confessing if she's never ever considered giving a girl a chance might not go as well as you might want it to. @Marisa: *Clears throat* If you're going to tell her, do NOT expect it to turn out well. You need to be steeled that it's better to not hide it from her and potentially lose her than to keep on admiring her from afar, so to speak. I'm not saying expect it to end badly, just be prepared for if that's the case. When I told Caeda, I was totally prepared for her to push me away and/or have our relationship be awkward, but... I see it that it's better to tell someone the truth than hide it, so I did. But it wasn't right to HER to hide it from her. Your situation is just as precarious if not moreso... So only tell her if you feel that it's for the best, not YOUR best, no matter what happens. I'm going to have to agree with everyone here. You need to tell her. It's in your best interest, and hers, that you don't hide your feelings. But like Black said, expect the unexpected. These kinds of things can go either way. So go tell her! And if she feels uncomfortable with it, tell her your fine with just staying friends. Thank you all for giving me such amazing feedback <3 I didn't expect all the encouragement and wise words. I'll be telling her, and going into it expecting the worst. I know she has thought of being with girls before and that it's not a foreign thought, but her sexuality really is straight. Either way, I'll be taking the risk and telling her anyways, before she graduates. I'm not too sure when I'll be doing it, but with day that goes by, I get closer and closer to letting her know. Again, I appreciate all of this and I'll let you all know what happens after I confess. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ｄｈａｒｃ Posted February 7, 2013 Report Share Posted February 7, 2013 I sincerely hope for the best for you! And if it doesn't go well, we'll be here for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rapidfire Posted February 7, 2013 Report Share Posted February 7, 2013 Yeah go Marisa! You can do this, and even if it does come out bad you'll still be friends, and you can always count on us for support! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dwarven King Posted February 7, 2013 Report Share Posted February 7, 2013 @Dwarven King...well, can't say I'm unfamiliar with that scenario. You just have to keep being supportive of her, and in a modern world, I doubt it'll turn out too bad for her.....maybe. Being gay/lesbian is still pretty harsh in today's society though, and in all honesty, only she can take herself to places. It's her own choices and decisions that you have to depend upon for her safety, and you have to support her every step of the way. And if she's dating guys only to hide her true sexuality...well, she can't keep on doing that forever, and I feel sorry for her well-being if she chooses to continue on that path. It's stressful, and isn't healthy (imagine a straight man pretending to be gay, it must seriously ache him deep inside, wouldn't it?) Sooner or later, she'll have to stop, embrace herself, and find a girlfriend that she can love. Either way, remember to support her. Her life will not be an easy one for sure, it'll be stressful, but you as her older brother must continue to watch over her and protect her when things get serious. You won't be able to do too much, since you're so far away, but you can still be there. Like, over the internet. Appreciate the advice! Thank you all for giving me such amazing feedback <3 I didn't expect all the encouragement and wise words. I'll be telling her, and going into it expecting the worst. I know she has thought of being with girls before and that it's not a foreign thought, but her sexuality really is straight. Either way, I'll be taking the risk and telling her anyways, before she graduates. I'm not too sure when I'll be doing it, but with day that goes by, I get closer and closer to letting her know. Again, I appreciate all of this and I'll let you all know what happens after I confess. You got this!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HulkTySSJ2 Posted February 8, 2013 Report Share Posted February 8, 2013 Sure, I'll join your group and hope it keeps going after a month on this dead forum, hehe. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nathanael D. Striker Posted February 8, 2013 Report Share Posted February 8, 2013 Sure, I'll join your group and hope it keeps going after a month on this dead forum, hehe. Complete the application. No spamming please. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spirit of DMG Posted February 8, 2013 Report Share Posted February 8, 2013 [s]spamspamspamspamspamspamspam[/s] So, just to make this a legit post... Well, Marisa-Sama, I hope it turns out well for you. Really. Just let us know when you tell her, and how it turns out. If it turns out well, then we've got something to celebrate (really, any good news, no matter how small, is reason for me to celebrate right now...) and if not, then, we're all here to support you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Great Unclean One: VK Posted February 9, 2013 Report Share Posted February 9, 2013 Don't know if I'm a dick, but today one of my friend's girlfriend's friend seemed depressed and tried asking me out. I politely declined for now and she looked like she was about to cry. Of course I listened to her problems (Namely how she felt she was too skinny, was sick all the time, was too small, and was alone all the time) and tried to consul her while pointing out ways for her to improve herself (Read, not be easy, don't think your better then anyone or think your entitled to anything, be honest and faithful, stick with someone who's honest and ACTUALLY trustworthy and not because of how they act or what they got, and be happy with what you got and not to be greedy or else you'll end up as a used up whore that'll either die alone or be in a string of unsuccessful relationships). Now she thinks I'm trying to be her friend or actually like her. Truth is, if she wasn't fragile, I'd flat out say no before she could finish asking and go back to reading Starship Troopers/ listening to "It's a Good Day to Die". I really don't want this, but if I do as I usually do (Read, tell her I'm not interested in dating her or spending any time with her unless I'm required to) I think it'll cause a rift between me, my friends, and the female friends I have. It doesn't help she's the most liked in our little niche and I'm not that much liked. Word will get out and I'll be shafted HARD. What the fuck should I do? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Merci Posted February 9, 2013 Report Share Posted February 9, 2013 [s]Yes, you sound like a dick for being so disturbed in helping a depressed girl out.[/s] La la la~ Explain to her that you're just not interested in dating. Nothing more. You did the right thing in encouraging her. Maybe, just maybe you two could go out...as friends and nothing more. That could cheer her up and give her better confidence for the future, so you can leave her be without feeling guilty about it. If other people think stuff between you two, just deny it outright - it should be easy since you don't have any feelings for her. But there are a few things I don't understand; first, why don't you want to be her friend? Second, why do you think her presence would cause a rift? 'Liked' and 'not much liked' doesn't make much sense to me...are you trying to say she's popular and you're not? Well, if she is popular, then why is she having so much difficulty with getting a boyfriend? And why would you get shafted? Are you saying none of your friends are loyal to you, or that you'll somehow be pushed into an alien world without your beloved hobbies by a person who only wants to be happier? Sorry about all the questions, you kinda worded that a little confusingly for me to understand. In any case, you did the right thing. Encourage her to hang out with her own friends more and maybe advise her to think less about getting romantic partners. If you don't want her to be your friend, that's [s]unacceptable[/s] fine, I guess. Just relax, encourage, explain, and leave her be. But in all honesty, if I was in your position, I'd make at least a little more effort to cheer her up - just as a friend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DL Posted February 9, 2013 Author Report Share Posted February 9, 2013 Ah, I'm so proud of this club :3 It's so helpful~ ANYWAY Honestly VK If I was in your position, assuming I'm also in my own (where I'm not 'dating' but practically dating, since me and this friend both like each other, but I'm waiting for our upcoming date to ask her to be my gf) I'd try my absolute best to help her, even if I didn't care too much, because....well, it's just how I am... But mostly, because I would want her to be happy. If she is your friend, if she had enough confidence to ask you out, despite the fact you rejected her, and BECAUSE you rejected her, for her sake, you should try your best to cheer her up. Of course, I'm not saying it's your OBLIGATION to cheer her up, but you SHOULD strongly consider trying. Do you hate this girl or wut? x_x Also, go Marisa-sama! You can do it~ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Merci Posted February 9, 2013 Report Share Posted February 9, 2013 Same here. I can't stand seeing a person being depressed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DL Posted February 9, 2013 Author Report Share Posted February 9, 2013 I.....can't stand a girl being depressed As for my guy friends....I give them like 1-2 pieces of advice, or try to crack jokes to lighten the mood :3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Merci Posted February 9, 2013 Report Share Posted February 9, 2013 I misworded my post a bit - but it seems as though you corrected it. It's true, girls become depressed more often than guys, and a whole lot more severely. They're more insecure about their problems, and their status as a female attracts even more problems. They need the support. Guys, though...guys are tough. You hardly ever see one cry, and they don't seem to mind life as much as girls (of course, [i]they[/i] don't know what it's like to dread their period-per-month, or being unable to eat a burger without getting overly fat, or getting played or cheated upon by a guy, or even raped). Girls must be always be supported and encouraged. It's not an easy life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DL Posted February 9, 2013 Author Report Share Posted February 9, 2013 You know....I'm not saying guys aren't easily depressed. They just don't show it as often. Sure, female hormones go wild from time to time, due to their periods... But Guys can just as easily be cheated on by girls. A lot have committed suicide because of that. Hell, it's sometimes even harder for guys. Guys CAN be raped, but it's even MORE scarring because if a woman is raped at least it wasn't gay rape.....unless the rapist was a woman, But if a common man can't overpower a common woman, he DESERVES to be raped. Guys DO care about their weight, albeit not as much as girls. Or rather, they SHOULD. I know that I personally am a bit chubby, and I try to eat less to change that, and I walk a lot. You hardly SEE guys crying. Doesn't mean they don't. Of course, I don't really cry unless I'm seeing something emotional, like a sad anime scene with super sad music in the bg.... But....yeah. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aerion Brightflame Posted February 9, 2013 Report Share Posted February 9, 2013 Why does everyone think that guys are girls are different besides the physical differences? The idea that girls need love and support more than guys is just stupid. It's not gender that defines that sort of thing it's the person. Me and my ex are examples of this. I'm the one who needed support to deal with depression, she's always been the stronger person in all ways. There are guys with depression who will kill themselves, there are women with depression who will deal with it and just carry on. Woman can be infinitely stronger than a man could be, and vice versa. The preset views of how people should be, and how they should act and be treated are just so outdated. And by thinking of them like that it's just continuing the problem. If everyone started treating people for who they are, instead of what they are then the world would be a much fairer place. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spirit of DMG Posted February 9, 2013 Report Share Posted February 9, 2013 Honestly, I'm not always as confident as I appear to be. Generally, I try not to talk too much, and just do my own thing. Try not to show too much emotion, and just... be there. Unless I'm with people I consider friends, and then I'll talk and laugh and stuff. Though, even doing all that... I'm not always as strong as I seem to be... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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