CMRenji Posted December 10, 2012 Report Share Posted December 10, 2012 [center][img]http://i.imgur.com/Hz1hO.png[/img][/center] So yea, Imma make one of these cool fic review things. I just wanna see how it turns out. If you have a fic and want me to review it, I shall. Also, I mean no real harm to any authors. [spoiler=#1: Spirit Ace by Admiral Tim]Arc 1: Prologue [b]-Good name, good name. 5/5 stars, would read again.[/b] It was midnight. The clock struck twelve at the Magnus Tenebrae building. The tall citadel like building stood tall [b]-Holy sh*t, look at how the TALL building stands TALL.[/b] and imposing with its ominous spires and tall cement walls. [b]-I’m getting heebies geebies from all this talk of how TALL it is.[/b] The exterior was almost as nefarious as what went on inside. The Magnus Tenebrae Corporation was a mercenary group. A safe haven for criminals to flee to. The police knew about it. But Tenebrae Corp. was to powerful. The locals could do nothing to stop their ominous deeds. The walls were too strong, The security to alert and the criminals to powerful. [b]-The criminals are to powerful. Not sure what it means, but I’ll guess it’s bad.[/b] There was once a raid party. They were never heard of again. So the local authorities ignore the evil building and let its dark deeds go on. [b]-Why haven’t they called the national guard you might ask? The answer is very simple. So simple that I need not explain it. Let’s continue.[/b] Now that is not to say everything is bad. [b]-Naw, ees cool bros.[/b] They have saved lives, villages and trade routes. Most doing this either for money, power or there own good. [b]-Where is [i]their [/i]own good? Why, it’s over [i]there[/i].[/b] There are also Villains. [b]-There are also, like, these villans. These villains are just there, and they don’t have anything to do with the evil corporation. Now onto the evil doing of the corporation.[/b] plots to pillage, destroy, assassinate, sabotage are only some of the things Tenebrae is capable of. [b]-I’m shaking in boots except I currently have no boots on so instead I’ll shake in my socks.[/b] Whether they fight for good or evil is entirely up to the Leader, that is to say the leader of the faction. Tenebrae corporation is split into hundreds of factions. Each specializing in specific objectives. Whether it be night aerial assaults [b]-We’re gonna bomb that town… AT NIGHT~[/b] or Aquatic daylight assassinations. [b]-Oh my God, they’ve hired Aquaman as an assassin. We’re all f*cked.[/b] Bring in your request and sufficient payment and the deed is done. And so all his talking about factions, leaders, mercenaries and evil brings us to one man his name being Ray Clades. [b]-Ray Clades is such a badass that he killed the pause in the second sentence.[/b] Mr. Clades had started the Magnus Tenebrae Corporation himself. Wrongfully accused he was chased out of his town. [b]-Wrongfully accused? He MADE the Corporation. If someone ACCUSES you of doing something you actually DID, it’s a correct accusation.[/b] Leaving his wife and newborn son to fend for themselves he traveled for six years perfecting his dark magic. When he returned his son and wife had gone. In a rage Clades razed the town to the ground. The remaining survivors pledged themselves to him…. [b]-“The son and wife I abandoned are missing? RAGAFRAGA BURN DOWN THE TOWN!”[/b] “Magnus Tenebrae is Latin for Great Darkness.” mumbled Ray Clades as he hunched over his desk. He was chatting to Bonfroy, his pet shadow hound. Mr. Clades chatted frequently to Bonfroy. He was a lonely old man but still young at heart. He was well muscled and wrinkled and tall for a man. [b]-He was well muscled and was tall and was wrinkled and had a shadow dog and had a young heart.[/b] He had a droopy bushy white mustache and grey eyebrows as well bald head. [b]-I think the author accidentally a few words.[/b] His rheumy eyes were hidden in his deep wrinkles and he wore a pure black cloak that appeared to float over his body. [b]-His cloak is possessed. Oooooo, spooooky.[/b] His staff lay by his desk and doubled as a walking cane. [b]-It also tripled as a fishing pole.[/b] Things were boring. [b]-You’re telling me.[/b] He was to old to do anything for Tenebrae and merely sat and gave his approval on things. “Our motto is there is no light without dark.” rambled Clade. Bonfroy growled. His muscles rippled and and his sharp teeth were bared. Like all other Shadow Hounds, Bonfroy was sleek and jet black. Shadow hounds aren’t anything special. [b]-They’re just like normal dogs, except that they feed on darkness and all.[/b] Except for the fact that they are amazingly acute at sensing danger. “Now calm down Bonfroy.” said Clades with a hint of nervousness in his voice. “Rrrrrrrr” Growled the dog. [b]-“Ssssss” hissed the snake. “Fuuuuuuuuu” said the anyone reading this.[/b] “It’s alright” the nervousness growing in Clades heart. Bonfroy’s bark was silenced by the sounding of glass being shattered. The window in Clade’s office shattered and a figure flew through holding a sword. One stab was all it took to kill the unsuspecting Clades. The figure withdrew the sword. The body fell to the marble floor. [b]-D*mmit, the floors were just cleaned.[/b] The doors flew open as a huge beast roared in. With a body of a bear but the head of an owl, [b]-ERRYBODY RUN, OWLBEAR ON THE LOOSE![/b] Ursus served as Ray’s bodyguard. Alas he was to late. The figure was gone and Clade lay dead on the floor. As of now The Magnus Tenebrae Corporation was without a leader…… [b]-…………………………………………………..SUSPENSE.[/b][/spoiler] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Not-so-Radiant Arin Posted December 10, 2012 Report Share Posted December 10, 2012 You suck at this stuff. Instead of actually providing any kind of intellectual critique, you just take a back seat and decide to take this in a sarcastic manner and just beat the piss out of it just to make yourself look superior. Instead of actually going and fixing the stuff that doesn't make sense to you, you gloat it out like some comedian who has just landed himself a gig at Gotham, but everyone just boos him off the minute he comes onto the stage. I didn't even actually bother to read over any of your bolded review because most of it is probably horse s*** anyway, and is probably worse than the original work of the author. I could have spent the last ten minutes actually doing something productive instead of looking at your shittily formatted, gross attempt at "humour" when all you're doing is in fact putting others down because you are a low-life who rolls around in his own feces with nothing better to do. Go die. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lunar Origins Posted December 10, 2012 Report Share Posted December 10, 2012 [quote name='みゆきサン' timestamp='1355113333' post='6089624'] Go die. [/quote] Listen, kid. Threatening someone over the Internet, or really anything, for a simple reason like this is f***ing stupid. Why don't you just take your happy ass somewhere else and go cry about it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CMRenji Posted December 10, 2012 Author Report Share Posted December 10, 2012 Yeah, I suck at this. I'll just let this thing kinda die now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
?someone? Posted December 10, 2012 Report Share Posted December 10, 2012 HOLY F*CK. EVERYBODY CHILL. I... I thought it was funny, all right? Since when did a little snark hurt anyone, huh? I mean, jesus. This stuff apparently stirs YCM up more than a rainbow Oreo pisses off One Million Moms. Seriously, guy with a name I can't type, I don't think Hitler got that much flak. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sondance Posted December 10, 2012 Report Share Posted December 10, 2012 Bahahhahahahaha this made me laugh. It was great the name is off because its not really a review but it made me laugh and I loved it. And wow some people get their knickers in a twist over some fun. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thar Posted December 10, 2012 Report Share Posted December 10, 2012 inb4DAxHina So... this was just the prologue? Cause it's rather short for a first impression. But I'll have to agree that most of your comments are just jokes that are more just forced than passively funny, albeit it made me snicker to say the least. If you took the time to read off someone else's fic reviews and got a feel for the chemistry of writing, then that might broaden your knowledge on the subject and it will help you in providing constructive feedback as well as a bit of humor here and there. Either way, I'm gonna support you on this. Keep it up. ^^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ListenToLife Posted December 10, 2012 Report Share Posted December 10, 2012 I liked it. Nice, simple, funny, and was - to be honest - more entertaining than the original fic. Keep it up. As for (Insert impossibru name)'s comment - they ended with 'Go Die' after a tirade of critique on your harshness. The hypocrite is the fool, so just ignore them, I say. Besides, your review was no where near as harsh as an actual, professional review would be, so tis all good, I'd imagine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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