Off the Wall: Weird Text Effects

[Stan Alda]

Remember [i]Magic: the Gathering[/i]'s [i]Unhinged[/i] and [i]Unglued [/i]expansions? Of course you do. I decided to shamelessly ape them by making less-than-serious cards...sort of. While they have semi-realistic effects, they also have an alternate version with funny text effects. I would have made them into actual cards, but the card maker doesn't support Shrink Ray's small subscript or Stalactite Bat's upside-down text. I also included the original text for the sake of clarity.
Start the criticism!

[b][i]Micron Ray[/i][/b]
Select 1 Level 6 or higher monster on the field. Decrease its level by 5.
[spoiler=Alternate Micron Ray][b][i][size=1][sub]Micron[/sub][/size][/i][/b][size=1][sub][i][b] Ray[/b][/i][/sub][/size]
[size=1][sub]SPELL[/sub][/size]
[size=1][sub]Select 1 Level 6 or higher monster on the field. Decrease its level by 5.[/sub][/size][/spoiler]

[b][i]Enigma Encoding[/i][/b]
SPELL
Continuous/Effect
When your opponent activates an effect that allows or requires them to look at your hand, Deck, or Graveyard: negate that effect. When this card would be negated or removed from the field by a card effect; banish this card.[spoiler=Alternate Engima Encoding][b][i]POLBSH XEXLNUYC[/i][/b]
ZARDA/MNKXBCBGNM
OURH QJBY QNXYYJEF ZKCHUKFRO MQ LQBWJQ HVHV YSTNUH KO OLAIBNGK VZFS SX AMKN RO CBTY FGQH, KCPT, AO STXTKUKAV: CZHLUD SDSL TPSLGF. UWJY BBFT QTPC PIWFP AU DTAEDTW NT OLXSLCU XSRT ZND WUCTU WT B VWZQ YZKCMX; SEYCNN LMLX GEOL.
[/spoiler]

[i][b]Backwards Day[/b][/i]
SPELL/Quick-Play
When your opponent activates an effect that would remove 1 monster from your side of the field; Remove your opponent's monster in the same column as this card in the same way instead. If the Monster Card Zone opposite the targeted monster is unoccupied; negate the effect, and your opponent must discard 1 card from their hand.
[spoiler=Alternate Backwards Day][b][i]yaD sdrawkcaB[/i][/b]
yalP-kciuQ/LLEPS
.dnah rieht morf drac 1 dracsid tsum tnenoppo ruoy dna ,tceffe eht etagen ;deipucconu si retsnom detegrat eht etisoppo enoZ draC retsnoM eht fI .daetsni yaw emas eht ni drac siht sa nmuloc emas eht ni retsnom s'tnenoppo ruoy evomeR ;dleif eht fo edis ruoy morf retsnom 1 evomer dluow taht tceffe na setavitca tnenoppo ruoy nehW
[/spoiler]

[b][i]Stalactite Bat[/i][/b]
DARK
level 3
Fiend/Effect
When you Special Summon 1 Level 3 Fiend-Type monster from your hand or Deck: Special Summon this card from your hand. When this monster is attached to an Xyz monster as an Xyz Material: Switch the ATK and DEF of that monster.
1500/1600
[spoiler=Alternate Stalactite Bat][b][i]Sʇɐlɐɔʇıʇǝ qɐʇ[/i][/b]
p∀ɹʞ
lǝʌǝl Ɛ
Ⅎıǝup/Ǝɟɟǝɔʇ
Mɥǝu ʎon Sdǝɔıɐl Snɯɯou Ɩ lǝʌǝl Ɛ Ⅎıǝup-┴ʎdǝ ɯousʇǝɹ ɟɹoɯ ʎonɹ ɥɐup oɹ pǝɔʞ: Sdǝɔıɐl Snɯɯou ʇɥıs ɔɐɹp ɟɹoɯ ʎonɹ ɥɐup˙ Mɥǝu ʇɥıs ɯousʇǝɹ ıs ɐʇʇɐɔɥǝp ʇo ɐu Xʎz ɯousʇǝɹ ɐs ɐu Xʎz Wɐʇǝɹıɐl: Sʍıʇɔɥ ʇɥǝ ∀┴ʞ ɐup pƎℲ oɟ ʇɥɐʇ ɯousʇǝɹ˙
Ɩϛ00/Ɩ900[/spoiler]

[newhat]

A valiant attempt, but [i]nyet[/i].

Micron Ray is not useful. In most cases Downward Current is simpler, and in the rare LV10 or LV12 case you'd still need another high monster (or Estelle Drone).

Enigma Encoding is crazy strong. It shuts down Special Summons and searches, from the Deck and Graveyard, with no cost. The semicolon shouldn't exist; the colon should be moved to replace it.

Outside of DN, Backwards Day is too situational to be useful.

What is Bat supposed to be useful with, Creation Resonator?

[Stan Alda]

[quote name='newhat' timestamp='1354807257' post='6086738']
A valiant attempt, but [i]nyet[/i].

Micron Ray is not useful. In most cases Downward Current is simpler, and in the rare LV10 or LV12 case you'd still need another high monster (or Estelle Drone).

Enigma Encoding is crazy strong. It shuts down Special Summons and searches, from the Deck and Graveyard, with no cost. The semicolon shouldn't exist; the colon should be moved to replace it.

Outside of DN, Backwards Day is too situational to be useful.

What is Bat supposed to be useful with, Creation Resonator?
[/quote]
I could see Micron's problem; I intended it to take advantage of Gravity Bind and Level Limit cards. Then again, that's what Xyzs are for, isn't it?
What cost should Enigma have? Constant discard? LP? Mill? I can't think of a good one.
Backwards Day is just kind of silly. Maybe I should add an effect in case there's no monster across from yours.
Bat's made for TGU and Terror-Byte. Summon TGU, SS a Fiend from your hand via TGU, SS Bat, Xyz into Terror-Byte.

[newhat]

Enigma should destroy itself if some condition is met, such as taking Direct Damage, or [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Vanity%27s_Emptiness"]a Level 4 or lower monster being sent from your field to the Graveyard[/url]. Otherwise it covers too many things.

Terror-Byte, in general, is not worth anything you do to make it. Unless Bat also has the effect of switching the Xyz monster's ATK and DEF, and can Special Summon itself when you Summon a Fiend from your [i]Deck[/i], it's a waste of a good Tour Guide.

[Stan Alda]

[quote name='newhat' timestamp='1354808941' post='6086764']
Enigma should destroy itself if some condition is met, such as taking Direct Damage, or [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Vanity%27s_Emptiness"]a Level 4 or lower monster being sent from your field to the Graveyard[/url]. Otherwise it covers too many things.

Terror-Byte, in general, is not worth anything you do to make it. Unless Bat also has the effect of switching the Xyz monster's ATK and DEF, and can Special Summon itself when you Summon a Fiend from your [i]Deck[/i], it's a waste of a good Tour Guide.
[/quote]
Your ideas are much better. The real difficulty is in the funny text stuff, but I have the necessary applets saved so it won't be much trouble.

I added newhat's effects to Stalactite Bat and modified Enigma's effect so it's always banished when it would be removed from the field or have its effects negated.

[newhat]

So...the only way to get rid of Enigma Encoding is to get rid of Enigma Encoding?

[Stan Alda]

[quote name='newhat' timestamp='1354813123' post='6086807']
So...the only way to get rid of Enigma Encoding is to get rid of Enigma Encoding?
[/quote]
Or negate it. I might make it a Trap, so it can be negated by stuff like Jinzo, Seven Tools, or Royal Decree and thus banished. I was in a hurry, so I couldn't think of any other ways to stop it.