Yu-Gi-Oh! Generation Force: Chapter 1: The Legend

[.Exa]

[center][b][size=5]Yu-Gi-Oh! Generation Force[/size][/b][/center]

[center][size=4][b]First arc: Search for the Lords[/b][/size][/center]

[spoiler="Chapter 1: The Legend]Stories tell of great lands ruled by even greater lords. They were as brave and fair as they were feared across their lands. These rulers presided over the highest skies to the deepest infernos underneath the planet's crust. And as such, their planet lived in peace. That is, until that fateful day came.

One of the birds, also known as the Watchmen of the Valley of Haze, was flying high up in the sky when he gazed upon something peculiar in the woods. He swooped down to see what it was, only to remain frozen in horror as it reached the ground. He saw a large pitch-black creature with its body frozen solid, and its several horrifying eyes closed. He was scared, and knowing that he couldn't do anything, flew back up to the sky and headed for the Palace of the Lords.

The Palace was a sacred place, in which the rulers of the land resided, and they were to be disturbed only in case of emergencies. The Watchman considered the appearance of an unknown creature an emergency, so he sped up. The hours he spent up in the sky, he had a chance to observe their beautiful lands.

"Nothing special." - he thought - «I see this every day.»

Down on the ground, he saw children. But they weren't playing, like any ordinary child would. They had long staffs in their hands, and they looked like they were just aimlessly waving them around. What they were actually doing was practicing how to control the wind with their powers, because they will need the knowledge later in life. A sudden gust of wind, created by those children, got a bit out of control, and swung the Watchman in the process. It was nothing he couldn't handle though, as he lasted through tornadoes fulfilling his duty - to look over the land with an eagle's eye.

As he continued on, he saw a few robed people standing in the valley that was right next to the sea, that were, as it looked like, conducting some sort of a ritual. He looked down a bit more closely and saw a mirror with his reflection in it. Then, fast, faster than the speed of light, a cyan beam shot out of the mirror. Because of his quick reflexes, he succeeded in avoiding it by a few inches. Lords only know what would have happened to him if he got hit by it.

«It must not be far away now» - he said, exhausted from the countless hours he spent flying. And finally, he saw a grand palace, made out of marble, shining like a ray of hope. It was as beautiful as all of their lands combined, and he knew that he reached the sacred Palace of the Lords. Also, it was an honor for him, because few creatures actually get to see the palace, let alone set foot into it. As he finally arrived at his destination, he flew down to the ground, and laid on the grass in relief, until one of the Lords who spotted him earlier, rushed out of the door.

"What are you doing here? Don't you know that you can come and disturb us only if there's been an emergency!?" - the Lord, obviously furious, was waiting for an explanation. The Watchman, for the first time in his life, got a chance to observe this grand, magnificient creature in all his might. He gazed upon his giant white body, surrounded by beautiful golden armor, and a red vizor covering his eyes.

"So? I'm waiting for an explanation!" - the Lord growled angrily.
"Y- yes, Lord Moulinglacia, I know... But there's really been an emergency!" - he stuttered because he couldn't believe what, or rather who, he was seeing.
"Continue..." - said the Lord, with less furiosity in his voice, but still demanding an explanation.
"You see, I was flying around in the sky, fulfilling my duty to you sacred masters, when I saw something really peculiar in the woods. When I reached the ground, I saw it. Well, I don't really know what it was, but it was huge! I knew that I alone couldn't carry that behemoth, so I decided to come to your palace!"
"How do you know it's not just an inhabitant of this world who reached its untimely end?" - a new voice asked.
The Watchman gazed in shock upon a second Lord coming out of the palace, before answering him - "Because it didn't look like anything I ever saw, and I see a lot of creatures. This one was black. Really black. You could see it was evil solely by the color of its body. Also, it was frozen solid."

"That is really peculiar. Don't you think, Grandsoil?" - Moulinglacia asked, but the Lord didn't reply. Instead, he asked another question.
"Where did you see that being?"
"In the Orgrove Forest, deep in the woods." - the Watchman replied, and then looked to the east, as he saw an incoming storm. When he turned his head, both Lords were gone, so he decided to leave before the rain catched up with him.

But in the palace, the Lords discussed this peculiar event.
"What did it look like again?" - a new Lord asked, this one being completely emblazoned in fire and wearing a black and gold armor.
"Pitch black and frozen, Rex." - Moulinglacia replied.
"But, it can't be. That was supposed to be just a myth!" - Grandsoil said in disbelief.
"I know, but think about it. The myth signaled the forthcoming of a dark creature which will, with its awesome and unmatchable army, bring destruction to this world." - Pyrorex said, now opening a book - "Third chapter: His body is dark, and covered in ice. His unmatched armies, that will march forth to bring doom to your world, call him Bahamut, and he will bring death, first to the likes of you, then to your whole world." - he finished the sentence, pointing at a picture of a dark being.

"But still, how do we know it's this creature?" - Grandsoil asked.
"We don't. The only way to know would be to go there and scout the territory." - Pyrorex answered.
"But who shall we send?" - Moulinglacia asked, but as he turned to Grandsoil, the Earth Lord was already gone
"I swear, his reckless nature will get the best of him one day!"

And it did. Grandsoil never came back from his trip to Orgrove Forest. Everybody in the Palace worried about him, and what happened. Weeks later, one of the local priests found an enormous body, rotting in the forest. When the Lords heard about the incident, they decided to do what rarely happens. They left the palace, and the moment they arrived in the forest, they knew that the corpse - was of their comrade Grandsoil. However, in all his desperation, one of the Lords, Moulinglacia, came to his senses, and pointed out that the supposed creature isn't here.

The lords panicked under the sole assumption that whatever killed such a fierce and powerful being as Grandsoil is roaming the lands freely, so they declared a state of emergency. Lords thought, that since months passed without incidents, that the creature just decided to leave their worlds in peace. The creature's body [i]did[/i] leave this world, albeit not permanently, but the evil it was carrying is still living inside the planet's inhabitants. The only reason the Lords lived in ignorance for so long was because they lived their whole lives in isolation, rarely leaving their Palace, their safe zone.

But one day, they became horrifyingly aware of the terrifying disease that spread through their lands, as somebody knocked on their door. The Lord, all covered in green, opened the door, seeing a creature whose skin was rotting from it's very bones. And on it's dying breath, the creature said:
"[i]Rehctawi'm. La uoy lik liw yeht.[/i]"

Terrified, the Lord closed the door. Flying towards the resting room, he thought of the words the creature said - "I recognize that language from somewhere."
Then slowly, a terrifying thought passed through his head in realization, and sent cold chills down his spine. He sped up his pace, and panically entered the room, almost destroying the door in the process.
"I recognize that language. I recognize..." - terrified, he started mumbling.
"Come to your senses!! What happened, tell me! Tolna!!" - Pyrorex shouted at him, but his voice was filled with concern, not anger. He continued to yell something out afterwards, but it was to no extent, as the Lord passed out of terror.
When he woke up, two red vizors were looking at him.
"What happened?" - Pyrorex asked, lowering his tone.
"The creature. That knocked on our doors. It looked like a zombie. Flesh was coming off what seemed to be wings. And then, as I stood there frightened, he spoke those words! [i]La uoy lik liw yeht.[/i]" - he answered, although he still wasn't himself - "I immediately recognized them, and as I did, I became even more terrified than before!"
The two Lords looked at him in confusion. They obviously didn't know what he was talking about. However, Tolna stormed to get the Book of Myths.

"Chapter four: A dying watchman spoke his last words: [i]La uoy lik liw yeht.[/i] This is how the fall of your world shall start, by the death of a single being. But not soon after, more will follow, and a new ruler will rise. They will call him Behemoth! It's how they'll conquer our planet! Look, Grandsoil's death was predicted correctly, and now..." - but his sentence was interrupted, as more knocks and thumps were heard from their doors. They all foolishly went forward, even accepting the fate the myths predicted for them. As Moulinglacia opened the door, hordes and hordes of zombies went marching forward. The Lords looked at each other at fear, as they knew there is no other choice.

As a last resort, they combined all their power, and sealed themselves in cards, millions of light years away, on a young planet, that came to existence just two billion years ago. And the same amount of years will pass until the Saviors unlock the sacred powers of the Lords. And through the hordes of brain-dead zombies, a dark dragon flew through, and opened the book Tolna was reading just moments ago.

"And the planet that the Lords resided on will be ravaged. And a new ruler will proudly sit on his throne, and they will call him Bahamut. So foretold the Evilswarm prophecies!"

"So this is how I come back, eh?" - Bahamut said to himself, then started laughing maniacally.

"So, why did you just tell me that story?" - a female voice interrupted.[/spoiler]

Yeah I'm not really original with the title, but eh. Who cares.

I know I'm not on Matt's or Neo's level of writing, but I've been told I have some talent and I'd appreciate if you checked this out. Also, English isn't my native language so there might be some mistakes.

NOTE: It might be a bit short, because I have trouble writing a full-blown legend in one chapter, so I'm just a bit over two pages. I'm however, pretty satisfied with over 1800 words.

[Hermit Purple]

I don't really check this part of the forum out, but I thought it was pretty good (couldn't really find anything particularly wrong with it at first glance)
[spoiler=]i hate evilswarms so i would love to see what happens to Bahamas later on [/spoiler]

[Alice Moonflowyr]

Hmmm...a few things.

1. I'm a bit iffy on how Verz Bahamut kinda came out of nowhere. Feels a bit weird.
2. The story is kind of odd. We have Moulinglacia and Grandsoil discussing something, and then theres a prophecy, and then BOOM we have Bahamut, and then WHAMMO some mysterious female voice.

So, this wasnt [i]terrible[/i], in fact, it was one of the better pieces of fiction on this website. It just feels like rambling to me, so idk..

I know I'm not a very in-depth reviewer like Phantom Roxas or Crab Helmet, but hey.

[.Exa]

[quote name='Spike the Bloody' timestamp='1353962985' post='6078531']
So, this wasnt [i]terrible[/i]...
[/quote]
I almost had a mild stroke when I thought you were going to finish the sentence with "but it is bad".
Now, onto business:

[quote name='Spike the Bloody' timestamp='1353962985' post='6078531']
1. I'm a bit iffy on how Verz Bahamut kinda came out of nowhere. Feels a bit weird.
[/quote]
That will be explained later on in the story.

[quote name='Spike the Bloody' timestamp='1353962985' post='6078531']
2. The story is kind of odd. We have Moulinglacia and Grandsoil discussing something, and then theres a prophecy, and then BOOM we have Bahamut.
[/quote]
I agree with you, that the story might not be really fluent, and it might seem half-assed, but I did try.

[quote name='Spike the Bloody' timestamp='1353962985' post='6078531']
and then WHAMMO some mysterious female voice.
[/quote]
There's this thing called a cliffhanger, I'm sure you heard of it.

[quote name='Spike the Bloody' timestamp='1353962985' post='6078531']
I know I'm not a very in-depth reviewer like Phantom Roxas or Crab Helmet, but hey.
[/quote]
It's fine, any feedback is appreciated.

[quote name='MachinaGayhem' timestamp='1353962477' post='6078525']
I don't really check this part of the forum out, but I thought it was pretty good (couldn't really find anything particularly wrong with it at first glance)
[/quote]
Thanks.