Johan Liebert Posted November 16, 2012 Report Share Posted November 16, 2012 I need some help, i'm currently writing a script of an anime/cartoon. Going to be dramatic/supernatural/etc.p.s. might also be a book... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catterjune Posted November 16, 2012 Report Share Posted November 16, 2012 Move to story planning. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johan Liebert Posted November 16, 2012 Author Report Share Posted November 16, 2012 [quote name='Hatcher' timestamp='1353032704' post='6070755'] Move to story planning. [/quote] thanks and sorry, forgot to do that... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johan Liebert Posted November 19, 2012 Author Report Share Posted November 19, 2012 here's the first and last episodes: [u]Season 1 Pilot[/u] [u]Narrator[/u]: You would think demons and god(s) are not real, but you have been proven wrong. It’s the year 2066, in mid-February, just another day… Aaron Tsukoyomi, age 14, just beginning his true teenage years in Khing’s High School. Jack Tsukoyomi, age 13, Aaron’s younger brother. [u]Aaron[/u]: “Hey, Jack, wait up!” [u]Jack[/u]: “What do you want?” [u]Aaron[/u]: “Our school is in lockdown, come on, and hurry!” [u]Jack[/u]: “What the hell are you talking about?” An infamous killer heard about all over the news comes from the shadows, with a gun. [u]Aaron[/u]: “Watch out!” He pulls the trigger. [u]Jack[/u]: “Aaron!” Aaron jumped in the way of the bullet, saving Jack’s life, but not his own. Aaron lays there, a bullet in his stomach, dead. Jack runs for his life, in a paralyzing fear that clouded his mind with voices saying, “I killed him, I killed him. And you know it. So, what are you going to do about it, just watch him lay there dead! Do something!” Jack can’t move, still paralyzed with the sight of a murder. The killer is coming, the killer is coming, he thought. He though it was all over, until he saw a bullet go into the killer’s head. [u]A Police Officer[/u]: “I got him, sir! Zachary K. is dead!” Aaron is watching this all go on. [u]Aaron[/u]: “Hey, hello!? Jack, I’m not dead, hello!?” No reply, no eye contact, nothing. It’s as if no one had heard him. Then Aaron looks down, seeing a dead body, him. Then, a mysterious black figure comes towards him… [u]Death[/u]: “You’re coming with me.” [u]Aaron[/u]: “Who are you? What do you want?” [u]Death[/u]: “I’m a Shinigami, and you’re dead. That’s why I’m here.” [u]Season 1 Finale [/u] [u]Narrator[/u]: So the final battle begins. It’s the end. The fate of the Earth hangs in the balance. Aaron Tsukoyomi, age 17, ready to fight for the Earth’s safety and ever-lasting peace. He is our last hope. [u]Aaron[/u]: “It’s time. It’s time to finish what I started, right here and right now. This is for the Earth!” Aaron then teleports to the Wasteland to finish the Zombie warriors once and for all. I’m ready, he thought, I’m ready. 10,000 Zombie warriors, armed with knives and swords, stand before him. It’s time. A ten to fifteen-minute battle between Aaron and the Zombies goes on, with punches, kicks, stabs, slashes, and blood stains all over from the power of Aaron. “I can’t keep this up forever,” Aaron thought as this 1 vs. 10,000 war was going on. He then gets stabbed twice in the stomach and chest, after taking out about half of them. Gushing with blood and sheer will, he fights on. Aaron has taken out all of them except their leader. He’s desperately trying to get to him, to kill him once and for all. But, he’s bleeding out, and fast. He makes it there, only to get stabbed by a sword by their leader. He has seconds to live, with a fatal wound in his chest. Aaron could only think of one way to end this once and for all. He has to blow himself up, killing both of them. [u]Aaron[/u]: “Go to hell, you son of a b****!” He blows himself up, killing both of them, just as he had planned. “This is for everyone,” he thought. He wakes up, seeing himself in a hospital bed. [u]Aaron[/u]: “Am I dead?” [u]Sarah[/u]: “Nope, someone saved you.” Aaron then sees every one of his friends and family, staring in hope that he’s okay. But someone’s missing. Harry, his best friend, is not here. [u]Aaron[/u]: “Where’s Harry?” There was no reply from anybody. Just heads starring down, with a sad face on each one of them. [u]Aaron[/u]: “Where the hell is he?!?!” Still no reply. Aaron gets up from his bed. [u]Sarah[/u]: “Stop, please don’t get up, I’m begging you! You’re in no condition to move! Please!” He looks next to his hospital bed, seeing another one with Harry on it. [u]Aaron[/u]: “Harry, Harry! No!!!!!!!” Realizing that Harry is dead, he realizes something else. Harry saved him by resurrecting him, killing himself in the process. The truth made him shed tears. [u]Sarah[/u]: “I’m so sorry.” Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phantom Roxas Posted November 19, 2012 Report Share Posted November 19, 2012 Nope. I get that this is supposed to be a basis for a show, but scripts are forbidden unless you have stage directions. You do, which is why I'm not locking this, but that doesn't mean they're done right. For example, the infamous killer heard all over the news? Fantastic if he's well-known, but do we know that as an audience? Him appearing from the shadows is good, but we have no idea who he is unless the narrator is telling us this. Are we supposed to know that he is an infamous killer prior to him murdering Jack, or will that be revealed afterwards? Likewise, Aaron finding Harry? Harry being emotional over the sacrifice is fine, but the narrator outright saying he's sad because of what Harry did just ruins the mood. Abandon the narrator, now. If you wish to keep the narrator, then I advise you switch to a prose format as opposed to a script one, because if you're going to have some kind of omniscient narrator, you might as well just commit to the third-person format. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johan Liebert Posted November 20, 2012 Author Report Share Posted November 20, 2012 [quote name='Phantom Roxas' timestamp='1353299851' post='6073179'] Nope. I get that this is supposed to be a basis for a show, but scripts are forbidden unless you have stage directions. You do, which is why I'm not locking this, but that doesn't mean they're done right. For example, the infamous killer heard all over the news? Fantastic if he's well-known, but do we know that as an audience? Him appearing from the shadows is good, but we have no idea who he is unless the narrator is telling us this. Are we supposed to know that he is an infamous killer prior to him murdering Jack, or will that be revealed afterwards? Likewise, Aaron finding Harry? Harry being emotional over the sacrifice is fine, but the narrator outright saying he's sad because of what Harry did just ruins the mood. Abandon the narrator, now. If you wish to keep the narrator, then I advise you switch to a prose format as opposed to a script one, because if you're going to have some kind of omniscient narrator, you might as well just commit to the third-person format. [/quote] thanks for the advice, i'll try using it to improve my series p.s. the narrator only talks when narrator is underlined and w/ a colon. for example, the second to last line is just stating what happened. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johan Liebert Posted May 29, 2013 Author Report Share Posted May 29, 2013 I've got a title for it, either "The Power of One" or "Naganu". Which one? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bury the year Posted May 31, 2013 Report Share Posted May 31, 2013 04. Unlike the main Creative Writing forum, bumping at any time is not allowed. Posting in a topic that is off the first page is against the rules and will result in a warning and a lock.Neither. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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