EliminateHRN Posted March 14, 2008 Author Report Share Posted March 14, 2008 And I want get it up yet cause I want to post the cards after the epiosde like in like a place called "Cards Used" but I haven't made all the cards yet so you will have to wait until later tonight or sometime tomorrow (most likely tomorrow) but don't worry I got the episode made I just have to make 7 more cards that will appear then I will post it (I'm very sorry for this long wait my WHOLE family has been sick and me and my friends saw errors in the eppisode so we had to change it but I PROMISE I will get the episode up tomorrow) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EliminateHRN Posted March 14, 2008 Author Report Share Posted March 14, 2008 OK guys I haven't made all the cards yet cause I cannot find pics but I made a promise so the cards will be written I'll post the cards when I make them and also I will realease episode 3 tonight and maybe episode 4 tonight if I have time but if it is a real card it will take you to a link showing the card (I'm very sorry for the loooooooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnngggggggggggggggggg wait) now here it is (might be short tho but there are longer episodes later I'm trying to get use to this) Opening ThemeEpisode 02 - Duel with the Evil Ushiro: Okay ready? ???: WAIT! They looked around and saw Duelist Emperor Raska walking toward them. ???: Finally. The duelist ran up to Duelist Emperor Raska with a knife and attacked him. Duelist Emperor Raska grabbed the duelist's arm and threw him about a foot away. Duelist Emperor Raska walked up to him and grabbed the knife. Duelist Emperor Raska: Trying to kill me. He then threw the knife and it broke into peices. Ushiro: Wow Duelist Emperor Raska got style. The evil duelist got up and looked at Duelist Emperor Raska. ???: Fine you think your so powerful let's duel. Duelist Emperor Raska: Fine. Ushiro: Hey I was about to duel. Duelist Emperor Raska: You will get your turn to fight. They got ready and shuffled their Decks. Duelist Emperor Raska: I'll go first. I draw then play Royal Empire this let's me Special Summon 1 level 4 or lower monster with "Royal" in it's name from my Deck and I pick Royal Seeker in DEF Mode. Then I set 1 card to end my turn. (4000 Life Points/4 Cards In Hand/1 Face-Up Monster & 1 Set Card) ???: I draw then summon Feral Imp in DEF Mode then I play Final Flame so you take 600 damage then I set one card to end my turn. (4000 Life Points/3 Cards In Hand/1 Face-Up Monster & 1 Set Card) Duelist Emperor Raska: I draw then I tribute Royal Seeker to summon Royal Hero - Malicious in ATK Mode now I use his effect if I remove from play 1 card in my hand all monsters on your side of the field their battle position is change. So now Royal Hero - Malicious attack Feral Imp now I play my set card The Eye of Truth then end my turn. (3400 Life Points/4 Cards In Hand/1 Face-Up Monster & 1 Face-Up Spell/Trap Card) ???: Okay I draw. He then showed Duelist Emperor the card. It was Summoned Skull. ???: Okay now I set 1 card then summon Familiar Knight in DEF Mode to end my turn. (3300 Life Points/2 Cards In Hand/1 Face-Up Monster & 2 Set Cards) He showed Duelist Emperor Raska his 2 cards. It was Summoned Skull and Bowganian. Duelist Emperor Raska: I draw then set 1 card then tribute 2 cards to summon Royal King in ATK Mode now Royal Hero - Malicious attack Familiar Knight then Royal King attack his Life Points directly. Now I use Royal King's effect destroy 1 face-up Trap Card so The eye of Truth to raise my Life Points by 500 to end my turn. (3900 Life Points/1 Card In Hand/2 Face-Up Monsters & 1 Set Card) ???: I draw then tribute Bowganian to summon Summoned Skull in ATK Mode. Now Summoned Skull attack Royal Hero - Malicious then I set 1 card. Now I play Chain Burst to end my turn. (800 Life Points/0 Cards In Hand/1 Face-Up Monster & 2 Set Cards) Duelist Emperor Raska: I'll end this now. I draw then summon Royal Hero - Trainer in ATK Mode now I use his effect so I remove from play 1 Effect Monster in my Deck to Special Summon 1 monster with "Royal" in it's name from the Graveyard. So I remove from play "Royal Hero - King's Servant" to Special Summon "Royal Hero - Malicious" from the Graveyard. Now Royal King attack Summoned Skull then Royal Hero - Trainer attack his Life Points directly to end this. As Royal Hero - Trainer hit the evil duelist's Life Points to 0 all the monsters disappeared. Duelist Emperor Raska: Now you are going to be threw in the dungeons. As the knights carried the man away, Duelist Emperor Raska looked at them. Duelist Emperor Raska: So like that duel? Mr. Benson: You took that guy down. Kristy: Yeah you did. Ushiro: It wasn't that good. Just then they heard screaming and yells. Mr. Benson: Now what? They ran to where the yells came from. Ending Theme -----------------------------------------------------------------Cards Used:Coming Soon Next Episode - Evil Rising and the Ultimate Monster Again sorry if it is short but they will be longer ones later on I'm still getting use to this fan-fic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Umbra Posted March 14, 2008 Report Share Posted March 14, 2008 This fan-fic felt quite... meh. There's a bunch of grammar errors, which really decreases the interest, along with one certain thing that I find annoying: The fact that everything in the Card Shop is free. Mr. Benson must surely be out of business. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EliminateHRN Posted March 14, 2008 Author Report Share Posted March 14, 2008 Yeah I always have grammer errors and it ain't out of business cause the people like it that way but later opn your will find out he also works another job with money but more of that to come later Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Umbra Posted March 14, 2008 Report Share Posted March 14, 2008 it ain't out of business cause the people like it that way He still buys the cards from whatever company that makes them in your fan-fic, right? That makes him lose money on every card that he gives away. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EliminateHRN Posted March 14, 2008 Author Report Share Posted March 14, 2008 True but he really don't care (you will see in episode 4 coming out MAYBE tonight if I have time) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Umbra Posted March 14, 2008 Report Share Posted March 14, 2008 If he doesn't care about losing money, I personally would assign him as a shop salesman. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EliminateHRN Posted March 14, 2008 Author Report Share Posted March 14, 2008 I was thinking about that but I didn't do it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Umbra Posted March 14, 2008 Report Share Posted March 14, 2008 As long as you keep it under control, it's ok. And please, try to fix the grammar errors. If you have to sit an extra hour or two with the chapters, do so. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EliminateHRN Posted March 14, 2008 Author Report Share Posted March 14, 2008 Well can you atleast tell me a few of them then I will find the others (cause I think I know what I did wrong) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Umbra Posted March 14, 2008 Report Share Posted March 14, 2008 Just some examples. One thing I've seen here (and have seen frequently in fan-fics) is that you don't use enough commas, which means it gets annoying to read. Ushiro Yokine fell to the ground after being defeated by Jeff Daniels his archrival.->Ushiro Yokine fell to the ground after being defeated by Jeff Daniels, his archrival. ???: Oh is this seat taking?!->???: Oh, is this seat taken?! ???: So what is you name?->???: So, what is your name? Mr. Benson: Ushiro, you always ask that and the Card Shop is, and will always be free.->Mr. Benson: Ushiro, you always ask that and the Card Shop is, and will always be, free. That's a few, just like you asked. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EliminateHRN Posted March 14, 2008 Author Report Share Posted March 14, 2008 Okay thanks I'm not really great with commas that is what I was worried about but thanks me and my friends will go back through them and see if we can fix them Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RainbowDarkDragon-Yubel Posted March 15, 2008 Report Share Posted March 15, 2008 Wow! I love this fan fic. Please I would love it if you checked mine out! Thanks in advance Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EliminateHRN Posted March 16, 2008 Author Report Share Posted March 16, 2008 Thanks I'll add another chapter either tomorrow or Tuesday I'm checking over everything Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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