ListenToLife Posted November 5, 2012 Report Share Posted November 5, 2012 Well, no-one seems to write any poetry. And I was really bored one night. The idea just popped into my head. I'll probably do one about the other seasons too (Specifically winter, as I've gotta write one for English lit), possibly linking to each other. But here's Autumn. [spoiler=Autumn] When darkness starts to loom ahead The summer days turn full of dread The cold and wet will rule again Up in the hills and down in glen The shadows of our murky skies Will cover us, the clouds so high Will start to block out all the light And feel like an eternal night The leaves of trees will turn from green And earthen colours will be seen Hues of red and yellow and brown The types of colours for the ground And then the leaves will start to fall And shrivel up, at winter’s call And from the north, the chill of wind Will rap on doors and knock down bins And in your home you would feel safe Were Autumn’s wind not on the case As sat inside your walls of stone You start to feel so very alone With darkness looming over head The summer days are gone and dead. [/spoiler] Just let me know what you think. I'm not gonna make any corrections or anything, too much effort, and I dont think it's that big of a deal. I just want to know people's opinions on it. Whether I'm any good at this sorta stuff. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thar Posted November 6, 2012 Report Share Posted November 6, 2012 While the poem was exceptionally good, I'm not sure whether this breaks the 2-page rule or not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ListenToLife Posted November 6, 2012 Author Report Share Posted November 6, 2012 [quote name='Stone Cold Loki' timestamp='1352225498' post='6062263'] While the poem was exceptionally good, I'm not sure whether this breaks the 2-page rule or not. [/quote] Poetry's an exception; as stated clearly in the rules. Really. [u]Exceptionally[/u]? O.o Didn't expect that, to be honest. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.Rai Posted November 6, 2012 Report Share Posted November 6, 2012 Has a very forced meter to it. I'm against very regular meter when it comes to poems about nature. Break it up with some more punctuation. A couple of rather redundant lines: [quote]The types of colours for the ground[/quote] Just a little bit of a filler line really. I look at it and think that it's just there to fill in the rhyme scheme. [quote]Will rap on doors and knock down bins[/quote] More of a personal thing, but I looked at the poem and I was like, "hills, glens, nature, trees, wind, clouds...bins." Stay within theme. *hews should be hues, by the way I like the poem overall. It's evocative language and has been written intelligently. Just don't get too lazy in the details. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ListenToLife Posted November 6, 2012 Author Report Share Posted November 6, 2012 Well, thanks for the feedback Rai. It was sort of half forced, half not really put any effort in, and half an idea that I'd had stuck in my head. So there was bound to be a bit of filler. As I said though, I'm not really gonna edit it, I dont think. Not unless I need to. It's more of a spur of the moment thing, to be honest. But thanks for the feedback again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
?someone? Posted November 7, 2012 Report Share Posted November 7, 2012 I like it. Like .Rai said, maybe a bit too regular, but I am definitely not one to judge. Also, am I the only one who read this part in Jessie and James' voices? When darkness starts to loom ahead The summer days turn full of dread The cold and wet will rule again Up in the hills and down in glen The shadows of our murky skies Will cover us, the clouds so high Will start to block out all the light And feel like an eternal night ...Meowth, that's right! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dwarven King Posted November 9, 2012 Report Share Posted November 9, 2012 Not bad Magnet. ^^ I would post some of my poetry, but I write really short poems, and I hate showing them off. :< Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ListenToLife Posted November 9, 2012 Author Report Share Posted November 9, 2012 I generally dont write poems. Or stories. Or do anything. Stuff just happens. One day I'll be writing a song, the next I'll be writing a novel. One day I'll be studying Quantum theory, the next I'll be learning how to do Rubik's cubes in under a minute. Tis certainly an interesting life, and it means I'm quite varied in talents, but it also makes me a massive procrastinator and can be a pain when people expect things that I can only do when inspiration tells me to, not when forced. XD Show me your poems! Poems should return to YCM, rather than the 'Creative' writing section being flooded with Yugioh stories. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sondance Posted December 10, 2012 Report Share Posted December 10, 2012 A bunch of people write poetry, I've learned that some don't like to share what they feel because of the ever so clever and witty remarks the reader makes at the end. I like your poem. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spirit of DMG Posted December 27, 2012 Report Share Posted December 27, 2012 Nice. Honestly, I like it. The meter seemed forced at times, and honestly, "Bin" doesn't really fit into the theme. But this has been said before. I do wrote Poetry, but generally, I don't like to share it. People in general don't understand "Constructive" criticism. They prefer leaving "Clever" remarks about things they don't personally like. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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