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Pitching a new video game idea RPG/possible RTS


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The main charcter name is "Kaz Issac Gazzleforth"!
[Spoiler=yo, the plot, bro, the plot, lets see m. night shyamalan top this]
You are Kaz the newly risen from the "great beyond" as the new henchman/caretaker (keep a eye on things while he is snoozing during the day keep him safe from vampire hunters as derp they will try to attack during the day while he is asleep) for none other than Count Dracula himself! WHAT AN HONOR INDEED! von ghoulie badass specificly choose your corpse and even hire a famous shaman to bring you back to life. Your life (er, your life after life) is not so grand Count Dracula has quite a few personality quirks like egotistical, narcissist and, hard to please to start with. As you help your new master with outlandish otherdox missions and or quests you will meet other monsters that will either A. join your group B. have some wierd quest for you each more taunting than the last that will shed new light on the monsters you thought you knew!
[/Spoiler]
[Spoiler=characters]
Kaz Issac Gazzlefoth: he is back in black .... torn butler outfit and a bucket hat with a purple bandana tied on it, standing at 4 1/2 feet tall, a bulbous nose and, no hump on his back. Kaz is quite gratefull that he has anthor shot at life (the mortal plane that we grown acustomed to at least) but he has a loud mouth, sarcastic, fearful of count dracula [owner of the "contract" so he can undo the spell that risen Kaz back from the grave], sadistic but generally kind, now forced into slavery that he wants out of Kaz must help the count any way possible or back in the shallow grave. snice Kaz is up and moving maybe he can find a solution to this problem.

Count Dracula: let's face it all the stories about him you thought you knew ..... were personally respun to favor him as more evil and cool monster. Count Dracula worried about his rep so putting people in a trance to help spread rumors/among other things .... ? about him around to mold his legend, the stories they way he wants it to be like. After centuries of this gave him a huge ego and other personality quirks like narcissism. Count Dracula thinks he is a big star but now requires Kaz help to keep his rep among his personal life in check. telling his stooge to lead the bride of dracula on a wild goose chase and protect from hunters treating her to a late night snack of a few villagers, so the count can have an affair. whom you might ask? YOU'LL SEE! lolz

Countess Hillary Vahvah the wife of the Count. Like the count, the fame has gone to her head, okay think of Hillary Clinton and Lady Gaga combined!, that's Hillary Vahvah in a nut shell. She rejected the name "Dracula" after all the years/time the count spends on his fame rather than her own personal needs. shortly after Kaz took her on a wild goose chase, she seems to have a new crush on the new guy in the castle. Hopefully for Kaz the count is not the jealous type! well she lied to Kaz about a few things! Well things will work out for him. [crosses fingers]

Pharaoh Tut: Is a drama queen and is quite knowledgeable on some old fashion magic! maybe he know a way to free Kaz from Count Dracula. Lately Tut has some new emotions that he needs to tells parents .... something very life changing!, something that could tear the very fabic of time and space, something that could easily destroy the enitre world!

Lycan: looks mean but people got this guy all wrong

Puzzle Lok: just wants friends that's all, to hang out with at the mall and did i mention he is a fan of games? yyeeahh let's play some games!

there more to come!
[/Spoiler]

This game is a 3D Third Person Platform/RPG/RTS

The Prototype if I do make it will be a 2D Thord Person Platform/RPG/RTS

You fight monsters, plently of weird and unquie boss battles, puzzles to slove, visting town/villages, dugeons, LVing Up, awesome platform powers that you get by playing the story mode!

At it's core it's like a regular platform but have mechanics of a RPG and RTS in it as well for a well blend of 2-3 worlds.

The main idea of the game like most RPGs, you basically take quests/missions while you try to LV up your party.

Like any platfrom games you must jump and run around the getting though the area with monsters around!

When you run in to a monster you are warp to a different area that is shaped like a circle that follows that area theme/look, there you can run around fight cast magic in the battle area will be different like 100-300 different ones. You do not build anything, you are warp to a 1 of 300 preset battle circle that could have nothing to anything with in it's area. Shorty after beginning you start seeing "waves" of monsters you must fight each "wave" with in a certain time before the next one comes at you using the field and your party's skills, fighting styles and, magic to your advantage. Some will have walls other will have moving objects, which brings RTS to the game use this to your advantage in your battles. As you explore the game, you will see very detailed enemy sprites and, upon contact with them, get warped to that "circle" and fight with a little time before the fight begins. this game is very combat-oriented". your party appears then the first 3-5 monster apear as your party runs around fighting them and or casting magic. after they are defeated anthor 3-5 or so will attack you. you must defeat all the "wave" to win the battle and finally, when you do battle, it is not turn-based battle style.

As you progress the story you will get unquie items/"power-ups" to allow you get to areas you could not get to before.

There are Side Quests and there are Secret Quests, that will not be mentioned in the game finding them may be more taunting than the actual quest but finnishing them will be WELL WORTH IT!, all the effort that was put in to it.

Each character in your party will have Special Effects and or special conditions" the special conditions will have to be "put it with" until you find the "special character item" . one character is a ghost but a very old ghost but after he gets "father time's pocket watch" he will be able to turn back time to turn him younger when he was super powerful.

Massive very massive online mode with online co-op

Some of the new weapons ideas one of them is "mystic pepper" in a spray can :I

3D third person platform/rpg/rts/sandbox!

Think of "Psychonuats" and ""Cronker's bad fur day" and as someone said "a gothic kingdom hearts" with a dash of "Nightmare Before Christmas" rolled up with "Soul Eater".

Yes, this will be Rated T or Rated M due to the storyline and content

What do you guys think ? be brutally honest!

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Sounds like a good idea! Once I got past the (ahem) grammar issues, it seems pretty well thought-out.
I am confused on one point, though: Do you explore, seeing enemy sprites and, upon contact with them, get warped to that "circle" and fight?
Or do you wander around with some time to make fortifications, then have monsters come at you?
I don't think that tower defense-like "wave" concept really fits... either that or I'm not really getting it.

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[quote name='?someone?' timestamp='1350787213' post='6049424']
Sounds like a good idea! Once I got past the (ahem) grammar issues, it seems pretty well thought-out.
I am confused on one point, though: Do you explore, seeing enemy sprites and, upon contact with them, get warped to that "circle" and fight?
Or do you wander around with some time to make fortifications, then have monsters come at you?
I don't think that tower defense-like "wave" concept really fits... either that or I'm not really getting it.
[/quote]

explore, seeing very detailed enemy sprites and, upon contact with them, get warped to that "circle" and fight with a little time before the fight begins.

You do not build anything, you are warp to a 1 of 300 preset battle circle that could have nothing to anything with in it's area.

it's not "tower defense" per say, your party appears then the first 3-5 monster apear as your party runs around fighting them and or casting magic. after they are defeated anthor 3-5 or so will attack you. you must defeat all the "wave" to win the battle.

When you battle, it is not turn-based.

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Sounds like more gothic Kingdom Hearts really. It's certainly interesting, but there's nothing that really makes it stand out. I mean, a lot of games survive by having good art or narration or plot line, but since all I can comment on is plot and gameplay, it looks quite ordinary.

Just needs a bit more expansion.

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The additions that were replies to your post have been added to the first post.

Plus i added something to the first post that was not there before!

[quote name='.Rai' timestamp='1350848274' post='6049994']
Sounds like more gothic Kingdom Hearts really. It's certainly interesting, but there's nothing that really makes it stand out. I mean, a lot of games survive by having good art or narration or plot line, but since all I can comment on is plot and gameplay, it looks quite ordinary.

Just needs a bit more expansion.
[/quote]

I have alot of ideas to make it more uniquie with the gameplay and such. but, i'm not sure where to go with it. See as I start to double guess myself and, that is when the problems start.

I consider the storyline would be munch harder to "sell" than anything else so, I foucus on the storyline intensely hoping it would go over smoothly.

[quote name='Dr. Cakey Arclight' timestamp='1350860705' post='6050172']
Okay kid, go download Game Maker and get to work!
[/quote]

I would need alot of help with it!

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Yeah, the stroyline seems the most interesting to me. It would be nice to have vampires not be badasses or supposedly attractive ponces but self-absorbed dinks who've let fame get to them. Personality can get people to overlook a lot of flaws in a game, so it's a good thing to have on your side. As for the actual coding side of things, I'm sure you could get someone to help you with that, just make sure it isn't me. I have less than zero knowledge of the actual mechanics of creating something like that.
In essence, practical advice, no, but if you want advice on how to make a good game, I'm open. I'd like to think I've played a few more games than normal in my life. :P

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[quote name='Comrade TentaSparkle' timestamp='1350923669' post='6050736']
Go download Visual Studio, Unity, and Blender and get to work.

Game Maker is absolute trash for 3D games.
[/quote]

Visual studio is only giving me a 30 day trial, I can not find a propper place to download blender and i am downloading unity now.

I just do not have $200-$400 (american is a common unit for currency) to spend on programs wish that I do though ....

If you have any any sugestions at all for the game (characters and such) please post and I might consider them!

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[quote name='Bilbo Baggins' timestamp='1351610379' post='6057230']
If it is anything like the Elder skrolls games just [u][b]STOP[/b][/u]. Too many people have tried to make a game like skyrim or oblivion we don't need anymore.
[/quote]
You did not read the first post!, if you did you would allready know that is not what i'm going for!

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[quote name='Comrade TentaSparkle' timestamp='1350923669' post='6050736']
Go download Visual Studio, Unity, and Blender and get to work.

Game Maker is absolute trash for 3D games.
[/quote]
Making a 2D game is hard enough - there are big game studios that still can't develop 3D games. Like Sonic Team.

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I literally just finished a game design class this week, which revolved around pitching a video game concept, and I can tell you for a fact that our teachers would rip this to shreds.

First off, all of the grammar and spelling issues, along with the informal language, makes this look[i]highly [/i]unprofessional. A potential investor would probably burn this document if they saw it in its current state.

Second, what exactly are you trying to make? You say it's a "3D sandbox", which could be anything from Skyrim to Minecraft. Then, you say "RPG and RTS elements", which doesn't really tell me anything. Reading through the concept, it seems like a classic JRPG but with real-time battles rather than turn-based combat. In itself, that's an excellent idea, but I would like to see you expand further on that concept.

Third - and this is key when you're trying to pitch something - [i]always [/i]be sure of what you're going to do. You say things like "if you know a better name, come up with one" or "this could be a new weapon", which would make any investor turn you down on the spot. You make the decisions, and you've got to be sure of them.

Fourth, focus on the features of your game. Don't say "this isn't a sidescroller" or "you don't build things", say "this is a third-person platformer"(I'm still not sure what kind of game you're making, to be honest) or "this game is very combat-oriented". Always focus on what the game has, rather than what it doesn't have.

Fifth, I would like to see some motivation for your design choices. Things like the "special conditions" for your characters as a mechanic of the game, rather than a story-driven feature; is that good game design? You mention moving objects in the battle-arena; what makes that a useful feature? Motivate your choices, and back them up with official sources.

At last, but definitely not least; what's your target audience? Who are you making this game for? Who wants to play this game, and what features in this game make it appealing to them?

Overall, I like the [i]idea [/i]of the game, but right now the pitch needs to be rewritten and clarified for a potential investor to even look at it. If you can afford it, I would look into getting a book called [i]Fundamentals of Game Design: Second Edition. [/i]It's about $73 on Amazon (or $55 for the Kindle edition) and I think it would do wonders for your pitch. It's the book that we have been using in our class, and it has been[i]immensely [/i]helpful over the last couple of months when we've been ironing out our concept.

I hope this doesn't come across as too harsh; as I said, I do like the idea and I think it could become a good game down the path, but right now you have a lot of work to do.


As for development tools, someone else mentioned Unity, and I would recommend that as well. It's a free 3D programming tool, and once you get the hang of it, it's really easy to use. Learn programming. If you're going with Unity, I would recommend C# as your programming language, but that's your choice.

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[Spoiler=Umbra]
[quote name='Umbra' timestamp='1351797589' post='6058913']
I literally just finished a game design class this week, which revolved around pitching a video game concept, and I can tell you for a fact that our teachers would rip this to shreds.
First off, all of the grammar and spelling issues, along with the informal language, makes this look[i]highly [/i]unprofessional. A potential investor would probably burn this document if they saw it in its current state.
Second, what exactly are you trying to make? You say it's a "3D sandbox", which could be anything from Skyrim to Minecraft. Then, you say "RPG and RTS elements", which doesn't really tell me anything. Reading through the concept, it seems like a classic JRPG but with real-time battles rather than turn-based combat. In itself, that's an excellent idea, but I would like to see you expand further on that concept.
Third - and this is key when you're trying to pitch something - [i]always [/i]be sure of what you're going to do. You say things like "if you know a better name, come up with one" or "this could be a new weapon", which would make any investor turn you down on the spot. You make the decisions, and you've got to be sure of them.
Fourth, focus on the features of your game. Don't say "this isn't a sidescroller" or "you don't build things", say "this is a third-person platformer"(I'm still not sure what kind of game you're making, to be honest) or "this game is very combat-oriented". Always focus on what the game has, rather than what it doesn't have.
Fifth, I would like to see some motivation for your design choices. Things like the "special conditions" for your characters as a mechanic of the game, rather than a story-driven feature; is that good game design? You mention moving objects in the battle-arena; what makes that a useful feature? Motivate your choices, and back them up with official sources.
At last, but definitely not least; what's your target audience? Who are you making this game for? Who wants to play this game, and what features in this game make it appealing to them?
Overall, I like the [i]idea [/i]of the game, but right now the pitch needs to be rewritten and clarified for a potential investor to even look at it. If you can afford it, I would look into getting a book called [i]Fundamentals of Game Design: Second Edition. [/i]It's about $73 on Amazon (or $55 for the Kindle edition) and I think it would do wonders for your pitch. It's the book that we have been using in our class, and it has been[i]immensely [/i]helpful over the last couple of months when we've been ironing out our concept.
I hope this doesn't come across as too harsh; as I said, I do like the idea and I think it could become a good game down the path, but right now you have a lot of work to do.
As for development tools, someone else mentioned Unity, and I would recommend that as well. It's a free 3D programming tool, and once you get the hang of it, it's really easy to use. Learn programming. If you're going with Unity, I would recommend C# as your programming language, but that's your choice.
[/quote]
[/Spoiler]

[Spoiler=?]
A. Your teacher(s) sounds like he/she is a 455l-l013 ! just give it/the student a "F" then let'em sit in their own stew!
How unprofessional conduct for a teacher to rip one of their student's paper(s)/work in front of the class!

1st I was somewhat "real" on pitching it to a real company/group/etc. That's why is had a more "layback feel" I was pitching it like I was talking to a friend/family memeber than a more professional appoarch!

I have made some MAJOR EDITING! so please re-check!

2nd I re-word the first post so it's more specific plus not all the ideas come out once, as I work I will keep editing and thinking to improve the concept

3rd fixed that! [more or less]

4th fixed that! [more or less]

5th fixed that! [more or less]

Last few nuggets:

The target group would be adults and or teenagers

The stryling plus the platformer/rpg/rts style of gameplay plus the humor and video game reffence helps.

Like I have said I will keep editing and working on the idea I have re-word the entire first post so it's most likely in better shape for "pitching" than before

I do not have the money to buys books online or video game making software, moving on!

It was not harsh! just had to "re-word it" I have trouble describing stuff [sub]for some reason ...[/sub]

EEERRR, EEEHHH I think a 2d prototype might be in order then we'll see about a 3D one
[/Spoiler]

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Teacher's just being professional. It [i]is [/i]a college class, so they're supposed to be harsh. But that was a figure of speech, they wouldn't actually rip the paper apart. Like I said, they're professional.

I understand if you're not able to buy the book - seventy bucks can be a whole lot of money - but there are other game design books out there for much less. If you're interested in this, keep that in mind. Unity, on the other hand (the design software) is completely free. ([url="http://unity3d.com/unity/download/"]http://unity3d.com/unity/download/[/url])

Definitely looks much better now. Still looks unprofessional, but I see what you're going for, so that's alright I guess. I would still like to see some more details on the combat system in itself. What happens when you're warped into this arena? I understand that there's waves of monsters, but is it still a third-person perspective or some bird's eye view? (By the way, third-person can't be done in 2D as far as I'm aware. Either go 3D from the beginning, or go with a side-scrolling 2D view like, say, [i]Metroid [/i]or [i]Castlevania[/i].)

You mention various quests in the game; how does the player get these quests? Can they get all of them from the start, or do they unlock as the story progresses?


By the way, and this goes for any aspiring game designer out there, [b][i]don't make an MMO as your first game[/i][/b]. Seriously. That's in bold italics for a reason. It's simply too huge a concept to take on without any prior experience in the field. Start with something smaller - like say, a platform game - and move up from there.

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[Spoiler=umbra]
[quote name='Umbra' timestamp='1351974000' post='6060429']
Teacher's just being professional. It [i]is [/i]a college class, so they're supposed to be harsh. But that was a figure of speech, they wouldn't actually rip the paper apart. Like I said, they're professional.

I understand if you're not able to buy the book - seventy bucks can be a whole lot of money - but there are other game design books out there for much less. If you're interested in this, keep that in mind. Unity, on the other hand (the design software) is completely free. ([url="http://unity3d.com/unity/download/"]http://unity3d.com/unity/download/[/url])

Definitely looks much better now. Still looks unprofessional, but I see what you're going for, so that's alright I guess.

I would still like to see some more details on the combat system in itself. What happens when you're warped into this arena? I understand that there's waves of monsters, but is it still a third-person perspective or some bird's eye view? (By the way, third-person can't be done in 2D as far as I'm aware. Either go 3D from the beginning, or go with a side-scrolling 2D view like, say, [i]Metroid [/i]or [i]Castlevania[/i].)

You mention various quests in the game; how does the player get these quests? Can they get all of them from the start, or do they unlock as the story progresses?

By the way, and this goes for any aspiring game designer out there, [b][i]don't make an MMO as your first game[/i][/b]. Seriously. That's in bold italics for a reason. It's simply too huge a concept to take on without any prior experience in the field. Start with something smaller - like say, a platform game - and move up from there.
[/quote]
[/Spoiler]
[Spoiler=?]
Fixing to say, that would a bad if he/she did

I might try 2d before 3d

Still looks unprofessional, can you type it up to make it look more like professional?

When you run in to a monster you are warp to a different area that is shaped like a circle area that follows that area theme/look, before the wave of monster appears to fight you. you are given a small amount of time to set up you characters skills, attacks and, magic. in the battle mode you can run around and or jump around. in the battle area there will be different preset battle mode batlle arenas like 100-300 different ones, that could have nothing to anything with in it's area. Shorty after beginning you start seeing "waves" of monsters you must fight each "wave" with in a certain time before the next one comes at you using the field and your party's skills, fighting styles and, magic to your advantage. Some battle mode battle arenas could have walls, traps, moving objects and, etc. which brings RTS to the game use this to your advantage in your battles

Some quest are unlock as the story progress, others you can be brought, others are super sercet, other can found by simply talking to people!

So quest can be "unlocked" by all kinds of different ways
[/Spoiler]

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I can't rewrite the whole thing, for two reasons:

1) It's your document. If I try to rewrite something, I could easily miss a crucial point that was lost "in translation", so to speak.
2) It's your document. It's your responsibility to make sure that it looks professional.

Overall, I would say it's the big three. Spelling ("uniquie", "slove" etc.), grammar (proper punctuation is the big one here), and informal language ("yo", "bro", emoticons and so forth.). Fix those, and you're on your way to a much better document.

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