Starbright Parshath, Raging Glory

[Suibon]

[center]Starbright Parshath[/center]

[center]LIGHT[/center]
[center]R5[/center]
[center]Fairy[/center]
[center]Exceed[/center]
[center]2400[/center]
[center]1900[/center]

[center]2 or more Level 5 monsters[/center]
[center]You can also Xyz Summon this monster using any number of face-up "Parshath" monsters you control as Xyz Material except "Starbright Parshath." Once per turn: you can detach 1 Xyz Material from this card to target 1 face-up monster your opponent controls; change its battle position. If this card attacks a Defense Position monster, inflict Piercing Damage to your opponent. When this card inflicts damage to your opponent: you can detach 1 Xyz Material; draw 1 card.[/center]


[center]Raging Glory[/center]

[center]LIGHT[/center]
[center]R4[/center]
[center]Fairy[/center]
[center]Exceed[/center]
[center]2000[/center]
[center]2000[/center]

[center]2 Level 4 Fairy-Type monsters[/center]

[center]When a Fairy-Type monster that you control would leave the field by battle or by your opponent's card effect: detach 1 Exceed Material from this card instead, and gain Life Points equal to that monster's ATK.[/center]




[center]I'd like some help with the wording on Raging Glory: I want it to detach Exceed Material whenever a Fairy would be destroyed, bounced, banished, or spun by a card effect or by battle, a la Union Monster, but I also want to restrict that protection to 1 Fairy at a time, and I want the protection to be a compulsory one, like Light and Darkness Dragon's.[/center]

[center]Any help and/or suggestions to improve both cards, and especially Raging Glory, are greatly appreciated.[/center]

[DrunkenSage69]

Here is my evaluation on each card with help on both as well:[list=1]
[*][color=#000000][u][i][b]Starbright Parshath:[/b][/i][/u][/color] It is pronounced Exceed, but on cards it is Xyz. I like the idea of expanding the Parshath Archetype I really like them. The card is similar to the archetype's Synchro. Here is the more effect card lore:[quote]You can also Xyz Summon this monster using any number of face-up "Parshath" monsters you control as Xyz Material except "Starbright Parshath." Once per turn: You can detach 1 Xyz Material from this card to target 1 face-up monster your opponent controls; change its battle position. If this card attacks a Defense Position monster, inflict Piercing damage to your opponent. When this card inflicts damage to your opponent: You can detach 1 Xyz Material; draw 1 card.[/quote]
[*][color=#000000][u][i][b]Raging Glory:[/b][/i][/u][/color] Same thing as Starbright: Its Xyz on the card, not Exceed. Well, here is my attempt to see if I can get your wanted card lore right: [quote]Once during either players' turn, when a Fairy-type monster you control is targeted by a card effect or would be destroyed by battle: Detach 1 Xyz Material from this card; negate the effect of the card that targeted it or negate the attack of the monster that attacked it and gain Life points equal to the AT of the targeted monster.[/quote]
[/list]
I like the idea behind Raging Glory. However, Starbright's effect seems a little too much like the archetype Synchro monster but I like the idea of being able to use any Parshath monsters as material for it which makes it different from the Synchro.
[color=#ff0000][size=5][i][b]Overall:7/10 [/b][/i][/size][/color]

[Suibon]

[center]Much thanks for the input. I know the OCG around these parts is Xyz, but bear with me; I don't really like staring into an alphabet soup, and the term 'Exceed' fits the mechanic better anyway.[/center]

[center]For clarification on Raging Glory, I intended the effect to protect Fairies from being spun, bounced, destroyed, or banished, but not from effects that do not remove said Fairy from the field. If a Fairy were to be made a target of Tragoedia for instance, Raging Glory's effect to protect and gain LP does not activate. I also didn't intend any attacks to be negated; the attack still goes through, but due to Raging Glory's effect, the Fairy is not destroyed, and the user gains Life Points.[/center]

[center]Again, thanks for helping.[/center]

[DrunkenSage69]

[quote name='Suibon' timestamp='1343619660' post='5992477'][center]For clarification on Raging Glory, I intended the effect to protect Fairies from being spun, bounced, destroyed, or banished, but not from effects that do not remove said Fairy from the field. If a Fairy were to be made a target of Tragoedia for instance, Raging Glory's effect to protect and gain LP does not activate. I also didn't intend any attacks to be negated; the attack still goes through, but due to Raging Glory's effect, the Fairy is not destroyed, and the user gains Life Points.[/center]
[center]Again, thanks for helping.[/center]
[/quote]
Ok then, well here is my second take on the possible OCG for that card (worth a second shot at this difficult card lore):[quote]When a Fairy-type monster would be removed from the field (either by card effect or by battle): Detach 1 Xyz Material from this card; negate the card that targeted that monster or prevent the monster from being destroyed by battle and gain Life points equal to the targeted card's ATK.[/quote]Hopefully this is better card lore. I was confused on the original claim but your second statement helped me understand a little bit more.