Journey To Freedom 13+ (Updated August 19)

[Yugiohfan9991]

[center]So you clicked my story. Your wondering what you got yourself into. Well it consists adventure, mild language, some romance, violence, blood, morals, some religious quotes. No this is not a religious book but the quotes are kind of the chapter titles. I thought it had a nice feeling. I would love some feedback and I hope to bring you more material.


Act 1[/center]

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[center][b]FOR THE SON OF MAN CAME TO SEEK AND TO SAVE WHAT WAS[/b][/center]

Logan heard a knock at the door. He stumbled out of his straw stuffed bed. He began to walk down the steps. He passed through the kitchen to the door. He opened it and a skinny set man appeared at the entrance to his home. The man was wearing a leather outfit with a satchel around his body. His crude voice pierced Logan’s ears, “Logan Isidro Conner, I cordially present you with your taxes. If it is not paid by next week the consequences will be severe.” Logan closed the door and tore open the bill. He read the paper and gasped. The bill was at least five times it was last time. And he dreaded the consequences of not meeting his dues.

Logan yelled for his daughter to get him his butcher knife. He walked out to his field where his animals were. He spotted the old cow he needed to butcher. Two days ago he couldn’t pay his taxes and the meat from the cow would complete his debt. Abigail returned and gave him the knife. As she started to leave he asked, “Abby how old are you?” She answered, “I’m seven of course.” She smiled so sweetly. Logan’s soul seemed to be at peace with his daughter. She had the same brown hair as him. Her hair was in two pigtails and she had freckles on her cheeks. She also had green eyes like her mother. “I think it’s time you watched me”, said Logan. Her smile faded and her head fell. Logan put his hand on her shoulder and led her to the cow. Logan put the knife to the cows throat and said, “May your life provide us with many blessings.” When the deed was done Abby looked at him with tears streaming down her cheeks. She whimpered, “Why does she have to die papa?” Logan bent on one knee and held his daughter close. She began to sob and hiccup. He began to cry as well because of her sadness. “Death may not be wanted but it is needed. There is a balance in this world and something must balance life. Everything is with reason. You will understand one day.” Logan held her hand and led her to the house.

Logan later that day sat at the table waiting for dinner. His wife, Catalina set the table as his son Derek walked in. Derek was holding his baby brother Bo. Catalina was a true beauty. Her milky brown hair was in a single braid and it rested upon her shoulders. She was a small woman but fierce. It took years to win her over. Derek was a muscular boy with long blonde hair. The boys sat down at the table. “Where’s the food ma”, yelled Derek. Catalina hit him upside the head with her fist. “Just wait and see”, she grumbled. When everyone was eating, Derek announced, “I signed up for his majesties army.” Logan slammed his fist on the table. “Why in the”, he started! Derek stood up and yelled, “Why do you hate your country so much?” Catalina murmured, “By god lower your voices.” Logan began to explain. “King Ongror is a terrible man. You may not know it but this empire I s corrupt with evil people. All they care for is themselves and their rule. They are greedy men.” Derek asked, “Then why did you join them at my age?” Logan replied, “I was young and foolish like you. I wanted to make up for our failure in the Second War of Ages. During my time in the army we never saw war but had many skirmishes with small rebels around the country. Every time we raided a village women were raped, children drowned, and homes burned.” Derek interjected, “But they deserved it, they were traitors.” Logan stared at Derek as if he was some substance that was found on his sandal. “It was cruel.” Derek curled his lip in a snarl, “You are just weak.” In a flash Logan was across the room and slammed Derek into the wall. Logan proceeded to punch him but at the last moment hit the wall.” Catalina stood up screaming, “Stop it you two.” Bo began to cry and Abby cringed away. Derek’s eyes were wide as the moon. Derek then ran out of the home. Logan, still holding his fist to the wall began to shudder. Catalina ran up and wrapped her arms around him.

He kissed his wife and put his children to bed. Then he left for town to sell the meat. He took his horse carriage and rode through the night looking at the stars. Was there a place for his family to live in peace? Logan passed a house on the way. He saw two bodies hanging from the chimney. Their soul now resided in the void. Logan clenched his fists. The land he lived on was so horrible. Logan arrived at town and sold his meat. He would now have enough money to pay his taxes. Logan stayed at an inn near the stables. In the morning he headed back home.

Logan was about a mile from home when he saw black smoke in the distance. It was too big to be a chimney and he sped off toward his home. When he arrived he gasped in horror. His house was on fire. The flames engulfed the whole thing. His few neighbors gathered and were yelling. He fell out of the carriage and ran toward his home. “Catalina! Derek! Bo! Abby!”, yelled Logan. George an elderly man approached him. “Logan! It was horrible! The empire….they came. They said you owed taxes and they trapped your family inside. We couldn’t do anything. They pushed us aside like cattle.” Logan looked at the fire as if it beckoned him. He ran towards it with all his speed. Then he felt others holding him back. He kept pushing on and on. Then he was on the ground with them on top of him. “ABBY, CATALINA COME OUT OF THERE! WHY DO YOU STAY?” He screamed and clawed at the dirt. His fingers began to bleed. Tears flowed down his face. His head flailed scattering his tears to the dust. “DAMMIT WHAT ARE YOU ALL DOING?” His family flashed before his eyes. Meeting Catalina and her dress on their wedding night. Teaching Derek the work trade and holding him after he was hurt by a cow. Watching the birth of Bo and remembering Bo grasping his pinky finger. And Abby his little princess. Her smile brought forth a throb in his heart. He then fell into the blackness.

Logan found himself standing in some unknown place. He noticed trees and grass. He saw millions of people pass before him yet they were unreachable. They would start to fade in and out. As many appeared, many also left. Then darkness descended upon the land. Logan and the people raised their heads; the stars began to swirl above the sky itself. They made intricate patterns and unraveled space itself. People began to all fall to their knees and cry out. Logan then noticed an intense light radiating from his body. He looked at his hand. He began to glow very brightly. Logan staggered backwards after all of a sudden his weight increased. Logan fell to the ground and began to look around franticly. He noticed something racing toward him from all directions. People were being swallowed by something. It was indescribable. The people began to cry toward him. Logan crawled away very frightened but then courage swept through his body. He looked upwards. The stars had disappeared but one. It began to grow even brighter no matter the end that was rushing toward him. Then the star formed to that of an angel. Its wings were spread wide and it died toward Logan at full speed. It had a golden helmet adorned. Its hand was outstretched. As it reached for him, Logan leapt with all his might trying to reach the angel. Between their outstretched hands something grew. It was something that he knew but he couldn’t put his mind on it. Their hands almost touched and then the power grew. The end had reached him.

Logan awoke in someone’s home. He was lying on a straw bed. He wiped the sweat from his forehead. Logan then realized it was Georges housed. Why was he at George’s house he wondered? He staggered to his feet. That was some dream he had. His family had died and that angel. He stumbled to the door. He felt the bandages on his head. He then heard voices and stopped to listen. It was the kind voice of George. He was talking to someone. He asked, “What were your findings?” The voice of another of his neighbors answered. “Well traces of bodies were found. Strangely enough it barely counts to four bodies. Do you think one escaped? George sighed, “Unfortunately no, you cannot be certain with a fire. I feel sorry for Logan. What will he do now that his family is gone?” Logan’s arms dropped to his side as he realized the fire was no dream. Logan fell back to bed and just looked at the floor. Logan began to think about a choice. When made his mind up, it was late in the night. Logan took some food from Georges shack and stuck it in a bag. He then grabbed a farming hat from the house. With that he left to what remained of his house. He managed to scrape up a few things but nothing important. He then approached his underground hatch. He lifted the hatch and dropped down. When the dust settled he made towards his prized possession. Still on its pedestal was his sword. It was one of a kind. It was made for an armor set but he let no one have it. It had many names. Dragon Tooth, Black Death, Death Caller, Oblivion Banisher, and many more were out there. Logan gazed upon the sword. It had a golden pommel with rides along the side. It was slightly curved for a better fit. The blade however was jet black and sharp enough to slice through diamond. Although it was black, it shone with such fluorescence. Logan placed the sword in its sheath and held it before his eyes. “I name you Black Beauty, the Kingslayer.” Logan climbed out and began to leave. As Logan made his way down the road he heard a voice behind him. “I knew you would leave”. It was George. Logan stopped but never stopped looking forward. “Don’t try to stop me he warned.” George blew from his old pipe, “O’ I won’t try to make you. But is it the right choice?” Logan looked to the stars as the wind began to blow. Logan replied, “There comes a time in a person’s life to make a crucial decision. Life has many choices and no right path. The path I choose is one I cannot be strayed from.” George only sighed. “You are wise for your age yet very ignorant. You think you have found the answer but actually have gone right past it. Yes life has many paths, that much you have learned. These paths intertwine with each other with many crossroads. The part you seem to not grasp on is that there can only be two endings. All these paths end in two endings. Either self salvation or self destruction. Your revenge can lead down one path.” Logan shuffled a little and replied. “If what you say is true then I can always change my path after it the deed is done.” George yelled, “It’s not that easy!” Logan began to continue walking. George spat on the ground, “Then hear my last word of advice.” Logan stopped. “Go north to the Yukima Mountains. There you will find a teacher in the arts of combat and salvation. Go there at least.” Logan resumed to walking. He kept under the midnight skies. The bell on his hat rang out in goodbye. The chime echoes throughout the village and it reached out and echoed the screams of his heart to be held. Logan knew he would not return and kept on down his path. [/spoiler]

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[center][b]EYE FOR EYE, TOOTH FOR TOOTH, HAND FOR HAND, FOOT FOR FOOT, BURN FOR BURN, WOUND FOR WOUND, STRIPE FOR STRIPE.[/b][/center]

Logan entered a town when the sun began to rise. He looked around for the nearest inn to rest his weary feet for the night. His feet throbbed with every step he took. He approached the inn and entered its halls. Before him was an empty tavern with a lovely woman preparing for the day’s work. She lifted her head and gave him a warm smile. The smell of breakfast made his stomach rumble that of a giant. Logan approached the woman. “I would like to pay for a room”, he said. The woman replied, “Our rooms are open to all who can afford.” Logan happily paid the woman. “The rooms are upstairs”, she said as she returned to her duties. Logan began to trudged up the wooden stairs and to a room. He walked through the hallway. There was a sign that said rooms to the right and wash rooms to the left. Logan proceeded along and turned to an open room. He opened the door and entered his room. It was nice room that wasn’t crapped. There was a nice wool bed that could fit two people and a dresser. A lamp sat on the dresser for the nights. Logan threw down his items and fell on the bed. He laid his hat on the dresser and fell right a sleeps, with the darkness taking him.

Logan awoke in the evening with the sun setting. His eyes felt heavy as ever. Logan groggily sat up to stretch. He yawned and reached for his sack. Logan then ate the last of the food he packed. He had two biscuits and some meat left. He swallowed down the rest of his water. Logan, feeling refreshed left the inn to gobuy more supplies. He then went to find the lady who gave him the room. When Logan went down the steps he saw people gathered around and eating. The noise of conversation was very loud. He had to raise his voice. “Excuse me! I was wondering if I could buy some supplies.” The woman replied, “Sure. Just follow me to the back.” Logan swept past the people clambering on. He went into their storage. “Here’s all that we have now at the moment,” she said. Logan smiled and replied, “Its most appreciated.” Logan then took some sandwich supplies, a few biscuits, and some dry meat. He then filled up his water jug and paid the woman yet again. Logan packed his supplies and went to wash up before he left for the night.

[center] Logan had packed his gear and was heading down the stairs when he heard a scream. He hurried down faster turning the corner. He saw the Kings men surrounding a few of the ladies who worked here. One male cook was slouched on the wall with blood trickling down his mouth and head. The women begin to scream, “Help!” The soldiers proceeded to hit them. “Just be quiet. You wouldn’t want to go to jail? Such a pretty thing”, they jibed. One of the men saw him and sneered. “Get out of here country boy If you know what’s good for you.” Another had noticed Logan’s sword. He whistled. “Well look at that beauty. Give it here!” As the man took a step toward Logan, he unsheathed his sword and pointed it at the soldier’s throat. “What do you know about a fire on a farm a day’s walk from here?” The soldier was too shocked to even speak. “I..I..”, mumbled with the slightest trace of blood going down his throat. The other men who were clearly drunk noticed this and unsheathed their swords. “Put it down”, they ordered. Logan only pressed harder on the man neck not trying to kill him. “Tell me now”, demanded Logan. His eyes were burning with a fire no man can create. One of the soldiers sniggered. “Yeah I know. Me and a couple of guys killed some poor guys family. Didn’t pay the tax if I remembered right”. “What’s it to yo…” Logan did not hesitate and slashed the man’s throat that the held his sword at. The other men were slow to react because of shock and alcohol. Logan whipped his sword around and proceeded to stab another soldier in the abdomen. The man’s eyes widened as he stared his stomach and slid off the sword. One soldier shook off his shock and swung clumsily and Logan. Logan deflected the sword out the man’s hands and slashed his chest twice Then two more men came at him both swing from opposite directions. Logan ducked below the swords. The men stumbled forward. Logan then twisted his body, stabbing the man on his right through the side. Then Logan hadn’t seen that another soldier and he came out of nowhere. Logan tried to move but he was too slow and his left shoulder was cut. Logan, pressing on using the momentum stabbed the man behind him and kicked the one who wounded him. The man tumbled to the floor, his sword clattering on the floor. The man tried to crawl backwards. “Mercy”, he cried! Logan then stabbed the man in the heart. He then pushed the man’s dead body off his sword with his foot. Logan immediately turned around and asked, “Are you ladies ok”? The woman who served him before exclaimed, “Your wound!” Logan replied, “Its arigh….ugh” . He dropped his sword to clutching his wound. He then fell to his knees. The woman rushed to him. One of the ladies ran to the back get bandages..[/spoiler][/center]


I hope to go back and change things after Act one. Fix all the mistakes at once.

[Aerion Brightflame]

Wow, first post here, and its the start of a Story. Also, welcome to creative writing.

[spoiler='My review. Kind of. ']
As for your story, its intresting, and you clearly have talent. Seeing as you had a awesome way of describing things. My only minor concern is that it was kind of rushed... I mean, you introduce the main character, and already his family are dead within the first chapter. Some build up, letting us get to know the character, his motivations, getting to understand him. That way, the death of his family would be a much bigger impact. That and... you kind of didn't set the scene. there's no snese of place, or the wider world. Some form of background would be nice. Not much, but a paragraph or so towards the start. Its an intresting premise, and quite different to the norm here, mainly since it isn't a yu-gi-oh fic.[/spoiler]

I'll keep reading, since its nice to have some fantasy on here. And, whilst there is room for improvement, it is pretty good. Well done. And don't worry, people on here are nice. Mostly.