Synchronized Posted August 31, 2012 Report Share Posted August 31, 2012 Wow, I have a lot of catching up to do. Will get a review up for sure today. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aerion Brightflame Posted September 12, 2012 Author Report Share Posted September 12, 2012 Still waiting on that review Neo.... Anyways, as well as a shameless bump. I am writing to inform that this fic is going on Hiatus for a while. Recently I haven't been feeling in the mood for much, and until I am, I'm not going to write anymore, becuase you guys deserve a decent quality, rather than something I've forced out. I have no idea when the new chapter may be posted, but.. I'll update once in a while to check. But some good news, I have planned most of this out. So, it should be easy enough when it comes to the writing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Synchronized Posted September 24, 2012 Report Share Posted September 24, 2012 Started reading Chapter 5 but I'm going to re-read it tomorrow to give you a more detailed review. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reinforce Posted September 24, 2012 Report Share Posted September 24, 2012 Good luck, hopefully you'll feel better after the hiatus. Until then, I'll keep watching the creative writing thread for your return. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Synchronized Posted September 26, 2012 Report Share Posted September 26, 2012 Just gonna jot some random notes down as I go along and read, so my apologies if it's not entirely organized, but I think I've got two chapters worth the material to read here. * Vanessa speaking in a human manner as she does somewhat hurts the mystique of the character. The less she talks, the better. Especially because she's technically a protagonist, but the different approach you were taking with her made it more enticing. * It's definitely ruining the character for me a bit with how much you're having her talk, and I'm realizing this the more I read the dialogue. Having her "interact" with Alex and Lucas like she is just isn't necessary for someone like that. She could say so much less and it would be so much more impactful. * Alex comes across as really whiny and his despair, if you want to call it that, is not believable at all. I'm not sure if that's just the way you've written him or if it's just the entire premise behind his character, but for him to "stand up" and fight in a matter of seconds, it all seemed way too rushed and forced to be believable. The one problem I've had with the story from the get-go (as awesome as it is) is how much it feels like you rush some things. Sometimes letting a story play out and really letting readers get a grip of your character's emotions and everything going on makes the "big reveals" and "important episodes" have a lot more "oomph" behind them. * Definitely seeing a lot of grammatical errors, to which I might reccomend Spell Check (). They're not enough to ruin the story or anything like that but they definitely stand out if you're reading it throughougly and reviewing like I am. * So Chapter 4 was really good. I'll post up the second part of the review later, but I wanted to at least get your thoughts and whatnot on this part, as well as see whether or not you'd address some of these points. - Cheers Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aerion Brightflame Posted September 26, 2012 Author Report Share Posted September 26, 2012 [quote name='Thunder Spark' timestamp='1348666953' post='6032388'] Just gonna jot some random notes down as I go along and read, so my apologies if it's not entirely organized, but I think I've got two chapters worth the material to read here. * Vanessa speaking in a human manner as she does somewhat hurts the mystique of the character. The less she talks, the better. Especially because she's technically a protagonist, but the different approach you were taking with her made it more enticing. [b]Yeah, Vanessa has been a bit of a problem. Since, I need her to be different than all the other asssassins. At the moment, it might not make sense, but it hopefully will as I get properly into this. [/b] * It's definitely ruining the character for me a bit with how much you're having her talk, and I'm realizing this the more I read the dialogue. Having her "interact" with Alex and Lucas like she is just isn't necessary for someone like that. She could say so much less and it would be so much more impactful. [b]This one is down to me. I have a habit to talk to much, and I can't help myself from putting it into my writing. Next chapter I am most definately cutting it down on how much she talks. [/b] * Alex comes across as really whiny and his despair, if you want to call it that, is not believable at all. I'm not sure if that's just the way you've written him or if it's just the entire premise behind his character, but for him to "stand up" and fight in a matter of seconds, it all seemed way too rushed and forced to be believable. The one problem I've had with the story from the get-go (as awesome as it is) is how much it feels like you rush some things. Sometimes letting a story play out and really letting readers get a grip of your character's emotions and everything going on makes the "big reveals" and "important episodes" have a lot more "oomph" behind them. [b]Ok. Its to rushed. I was dreading that it would be. I was... this double parter was just so frustating the write. And i fear that my personal life has mixed into it to much, and made it worse than it is. I am... I'm working on pacing it better, since I've kind of had nerves about getting people to read it, that I put lots of eciting stuff happening, and advanced the plot to quickly. I am making sure that changes. [/b] * Definitely seeing a lot of grammatical errors, to which I might reccomend Spell Check ( ). They're not enough to ruin the story or anything like that but they definitely stand out if you're reading it throughougly and reviewing like I am. [b]Ah, yes. I do run it through spellcheck, its just word doesn't like me. I have decided now after I finish a Chapter and get it beta read and edited. I will leave it a few days, go back through it to check for errors and the like, and then post it. Since, when I read through, I still have it on my mind, and i read it how i wanted it to be read, now how it actually reads. If that makes sense. [/b] * So Chapter 4 was really good. I'll post up the second part of the review later, but I wanted to at least get your thoughts and whatnot on this part, as well as see whether or not you'd address some of these points. - Cheers [b]Thanks for reviewing it man, I'll do another chapter of yours in a bit. [/b] [/quote] Oh, and in other news, I have started writing the new chapter. I am taking my time with this one, making sure its as good as I can make it. Since, I need to improve quality I think. Becuase, I want this to be as close to perfect as i can make it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Synchronized Posted September 26, 2012 Report Share Posted September 26, 2012 Dude, remember it's not about perfection, it's about telling a good and entertaining story. With D-Accel I've screwed up so many times, but I just keep writing and try to make the most from my mistakes. I know where I want to go with the story but I always leave some things open just incase I make mistakes or change my mind last minute. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aerion Brightflame Posted September 26, 2012 Author Report Share Posted September 26, 2012 Maybe perfection is the wrong word. But, I want it to be, something I have achieved that can;t be robbed from me. And I want it to be something i can look back on and be proud of. Besides, my grammer is terrible anyway, so it needs improving before exams. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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