Aerion Brightflame Posted July 17, 2012 Report Share Posted July 17, 2012 My first attempt at a fic, probably terrible, but the sooner i start the sooner i can improve. [spoiler='Prologue. '][i]Sigma Alpharius headquarters – Location, twelve miles south- south east of Caliban, in the town of Ashton. 5:50pm Wendesday 18th July.[/i] Ashton was a quiet place. Located on an island, a mile off the coast from Caliban, it was an assortment of terraced houses in a grid iron pattern, dating back to the 1600’s. You could fit the entire population of the town within a double decker bus. It was a place very much behind times, the most recent building was a post office built in 1989, and only three people in the entire town owning a TV. That was until Sigma Alpharius, a multinational corporation had built there headquarters, a million pound skyscraper in the town, on top of the twenty million pound purchasing of the island in the first place. And since then, the entire population of the town has been complaining. Complaining about the noise, the pollution, the constant flow of ships to and from the island, and the vehicles that drove through the town to the headquarters. Complaining about rumours of eviction from the island. It would be over by the end of the day. … An alarm blared through the SA building. Doors locked, and blast shields lowered on all the glass. The building was under attack. Fifty armed guards rushed through the building, searching each floor methodically. As they went, the trapped staff fled behind the guards. The claxon was deafening, so much so that it could be heard clearly in the town itself. People walked outside shouting, searching for the sound of the noise. A stream of terrified people ran, screaming. The towns people simply muttered to themselves and went about their day. Publicity stunts like this had happened before. The guards had reached the top floor. The doors opened, and the sight inside was unlike any they had seen before. Blood had sprayed the room, the walls, the glass, and carpets soaked in the red river flowing from the headless body of Ibram Cain, the CEO of Sigma Alpharius. A faceless figure, female with in a tight black body suit that seemed to ripple like the ocean stood holding the CEO’s head. A crystalline purple blade extended from a device on her left hand. Her head snapped to face the guards, her motions catlike. “Hands in the Air! Move and we will shoot.” One guard shouted, raising his assault rifle, and putting the woman in his sights. The woman’s mask rippled violently, and slowly took on the shape of a jesters mask. “You….” The voice that spoke was not a woman’s voice, but the kind that would appear in nightmares, rasping and cold. She stepped forwards, over the corpse. “DON’T MOVE.” The Guard shouted. The woman stopped, and her head cocked to the side. “This… is only the beginning…” Her hand darted to the device on her hand, and a red light flashed twice. The guards opened fire, their guns roaring. White light exploded outwards, and the guards screamed in pain, flesh stripping away from bone. Glass shattered, and the light flowed onwards, spreading out of the building. In Ashton, people had seconds before the light consumed them. Shadows were burnt into walls before they to vanished under the heat. The explosion could be seen a hundred miles away, and only there people could see it for what is was. A mushroom cloud blooming upwards into the sky… [/spoiler] And then, without further ados. [spoiler='Chapter One. '] [i]Caliban – Micheal Hopkins Stadium. 4:48 pm Wednesday 18[sup]th[/sup] July. [/i] A maximum capacity crowd. A hundred thousand fans. A million viewers across the country. Maybe a billion across the world. And all them were cheering. Cheering the name of current Russian Duelling Champion Dimitri Vevelosky, currently waiting in the stadium changing room. This was his night, no one else’s. Dimitri had been the runt of his family. He was the youngest of four sons and three daughters, and had been the shortest and weakest for years. His parents had always used him for the worst tasks on the farm back in the colds of Siberia. [i]They said I was worthless, but look at me know. [/i]His name was known across the world, people would ask for his autograph when they saw him. And what of his family… Stuck on a farm in the bitter cold wilderness, living in poverty. Dimitri pulled his worn fur coat closer to his body, nightmares of the nights trapped in the barn house drifting back. He closed his eyes and said a silent prayer, the suns golden rays piercing into the otherwise dank changing room from the window. It was his night. Nothing would change that. [i]Dimitri. [/i] “No… not you again.” Dimitri said, opening his eyes. The same voice had been following him, haunting him wherever he went. Not even his dreams were a safe place. He sighed and stood. [i]Dimitri…[/i] A shadow passed in front of the sunlight. Dimitri spun around, the voice coming from beside him now. “Who-Who is there?” Dimitri said in his native tongue. The shadow moved once again, and Dimitri was bathed in the light again. His breaths were rushed, heart rushing. A door slammed and Dimitri jumped. “Mr Vevelosky, it’s time.” Said event organizer, a small young man in his early twenties with greasy hair. Dimitri sighed in relief. “Very well.” His English was heavy and slurred, a much different sound to his Russian tongue. Dimitri walked out of the room, the door held open by the organizer. As he moved to follow in Dimitri’s wake, a locker slammed shut. The organiser stepped away from the door, looking for anyone else in the room. “Hello? Anyone there?” He asked. Silence. He walked further away from the door, double checking. Finally he dismissed it simply as the wind, and turned. The door had closed. He moved to open it but touched something cold, something invisible. He backed away. The air began to move like water in a pond, and he found himself staring into a faceless woman. He opened his mouth to scream, but found no sound could emerge from his throat, only blood. He looked down, and a green crystalline sword was dug into his neck. The faceless figures skin rippled, and within moments the event organizer found himself staring into his own eyes. The last thing he ever saw. Dimitri took his walk of glory. The long walk towards the duel field at the centre of the stadium, renovated for duelling in the place of football. The crowds roars became a symphony as he set foot on the grass. His opponent took the walk at the same time, both players staring down there opponent. A psychological battle. “Welcome Ladies and Gentleman to a clash between champions.” Said the commentator, his voice ringing out from the loudspeakers, hyping the crowd. “In the blue corner… We have Russian Champion Dimitri Vevelosky.” A spot light flashed onto Dimitri, the majority of the crowds cheering all the harder. “And in the red corner, we have the Caliban champion, Alex White-Run.” A small group of fans screamed his name, before being drowned by the repeated chanting. “Dimitri! Dimitri! Dimitri!” The two duellists reached the field at the centre, and the cheers of the crowd died. Both stood in silence. “You are the one I am here to crush?” Dimitri asked. The smack talk, yet another psychological battle. “No. I’m the guy who’s here to beat you back to Russia.” Alex said laughing at Dimitri’s attempts. He was yet another young man, a skinny teenager from the looks, and yet he already had a reputation for being one of the best. “I would welcome that. The weather would be an improvement.” Alex just laughed. “Wow… That one was really good. I’m quaking in my boots.” Alex activated his duel disk, a standard issue, stainless steel, Sigma Alpharius model. Dmitri did likewise, and both players drew the starting hand. “Let this Championship match begin!” The announcer shouted, and the crowd cheered. “Age before Beauty. And since you’re neither I’ll go first.” Alex said before drawing. “I set two cards, and then I summon [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Cardcar_D"]Cardcar D[/url] (800/400).” A flat blue racing car whirled into life before bursting apart into light. “And I tribute him to draw two cards, which moves my turn to the end phase.” Dimitri drew. One turn in, and he was one card down on the stranger. [i]That will change. [/i] “I summon [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Mermail_-_Abysspike"]Mermail – Abysspike[/url]([b]1600[/b]/800).” An armoured merman, much like a swordfish rose from a swirling portal of water. “Since I did so, I may discard a Water monster, and add a level 3 water monster to my hand.” Another swirling whirlpool appeared, a blue human-fish hybrid rising briefly to fire a crossbow bolt at one of Alex’s face downs. “As [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Atlantean_Marksman"]Atlantean Marksman[/url]was sent to the grave for the activation of a water monster effect, I can destroy one set card you control.” “Shame you picked a bad one.” Alex had a confident smirk on his face. [i]See if you are confident after this. [/i] “Abysspike attack this whelp.” The mermaid lunged forwards, armoured fists raised. “Nope. [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Memory_of_a_Rival"]Memory of a Rival[/url]. I take damage equal to your monsters attack, it gets banished.” Abysspike punch hit with a dull thud, knocking Alex back(4000-2400). Abysspike then vanished in a consuming white light. “And at the end of your next turn, I gain control of him. For a Russian Champion, you aren’t that good so far.” Alex said, yawning. Dimitri set two cards before ending his turn. “I start with [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Photon_Sanctuary"]Photon Sanctuary[/url]. I get to special summon two photon tokens, downside is I can’t attack with them, synchro with them, or summon stuff other than light monsters.” Two orbs of bluish light rose next to Alex, before vanishing. “And I tribute my two tokens to Special Summon [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Galaxy-Eyes_Photon_Dragon"]Galaxy Eyes Photon Dragon[/url] as they both have 2k attack points. ([b]3000[/b]/2500)” A colourless prism rose, slowly expanding outwards to reveal a shimmering sapphire dragon, ruby streaks upon its slowly unfurling wings. It let out a triumphant roar, and landed on the ground with a thud. The crowd roared at the sight of Alex’s signature monster. “And then I normal summon [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Alexandrite_Dragon"]Alexandrite Dragon[/url]. ([b]2000[/b]/0)” A equal impressive dragon flew into the stadium, its hide encrusted with gems. It took its place next its more impressive cousin. “Galaxy Eyes, attack. Photon Stream of Destruction.” Alex shouted, and the dragon breathed a stream of sapphire flames towards Dimitri. “The winters in Siberia are warmer than your Dragon’s flames. Face down, [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Damage_Diet"]Damage Diet[/url]. All damage I would take is halved this turn.” The face down flipped up, and the flames of Galaxy eyes died as they struck Dimitri, who stood strong and let them pass around him. (Dimitri 4000-2500). “Alexandrite hit him again.” Alexandrite roared and took flight towards Dimitri, the beat of its wings causing Dimitris’ coat to flap wildly. The Dragon slashed Dimitri, knocking him back with a grunt. (Dimitri 2500-1500). “Is that all you have? I must tell my comrades they have little to fear.” Dimitri said, faking a laugh. The crowd were losing their faith in him, the constant cheering of Dimitri fading out to a new sound. “ALEX. ALEX. ALEX. ALEX.” “Looks like the crowds finally cheering the right tune. I’ll chuck a pair of face downs to end my turn.” Alex said smugly. [i]Dimitri… [/i] “No… not now.” Dimitri whispered, drawing his card. His hand was shaking, in fact he nearly dropped the card he drew. “Russian dude. You high or something?” Alex asked, and Dimitri shook his head. “Not your problem little boy. I think the crowd needs a reason to cheer again.” He bellowed, chuckling to himself. “You talk big.” Alex said smirking. “Well I never talk without being able to support what I’m saying. Let me show you. I start by summoning [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Deep_Sea_Diva"]Deep Sea Diva[/url], and since I summon it, I get to special summon a level 3 or lower sea serpent from my deck. Rise [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Atlantean_Armed_Soldier"]Atlantean Armed Solider[/url]. ([b]0[/b]/1600).” A purple mermaid rose from yet another whirlpool, and with a click of her fingers, and another blue fish-human hybrid appeared next to her, a shield in either hand that combined to form a more threatening fish face. [i]Now, from the looks of things now, he could easily summon Neo Galaxy Eyes next turn if he has Kaiser in his hand… and he is obviously a competent duellist… it may be best to throw my own signature into play. [/i] “I use Armed Soldier’s effect. I am allowed to summon an additional level 4 or lower Sea Serpent. Atlantean Marksman, take aim again.” Another blue fish warrior appeared, crossbow aimed directly at Alex. “And now it’s time. I set one card, and I tribute my three monsters. Rise from the depths, [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Atlantean_Dragon_Poseidra"]Atlantean Dragon Poseidra[/url] ([b]2800[/b]/1600).” The three monsters burst into water, and formed a pool, a dark shape moved with the pool, before bursting upwards, a spray of water in all directions. The creature, a sea dwelling armoured dragon, howled at its enemy. Water dripped down its blue scales, its trident tail crashing back into the water. “My two Atlantean effects activate, Marksman Destroys one of your set cards and Armed Solider destroys your Galaxy Eyes.” The two fish rose beneath their master, one of them spearing the left face down with its bolt, and the other ramming towards the Sapphire Dragon. “Face down activate, [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Safe_Zone"]Safe Zone[/url]. Galaxy Eyes is safe.” The second face down card flipped, and Armed solider bounced off the toughened hide of Galaxy Eyes. A white aura surrounded it. “Silly man, your dragon is doomed none the less. Poseidra, Roar of the Ocean.” The Dragon roared, the sound echoing around the stadium, followed by rushing water. A wave of chilling water spread across the field, its every motion linked to the roar of Poseidra. It washed every spell and trap off the field, and the aura that protected Galaxy Eyes tore it away as it went. “Every spell and trap card on the field is returned to its owners hand, and as safe zone disappeared, so too does your Dragon. Since 3 cards were returned, all of your monsters lose 300 attack for each card returned.” The water froze, locking alexandrite dragon in place. (Alexandrite [b]2000 – 1100[/b]/0). “Poseidra, attack.” The dragon swan forwards, and reared up above Alexandrite. Alex laughed, caught in the dragons shadow. “Oh come on. You’re playing a Photon deck. What’s the ultimate support for a light monster?” Alex spun one card in his hand, and Dimitri swore. “Do your work [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Honest"]Honest[/url].” An angel rose in front of Alexandrite dragon, bathing it in light, raising its power. (Alexandrite [b]1100-3900[/b]/0) Poseidra smashed its weight downwards, only to be knocked away by Alexandrite. Poseidra exploded into fragments. (Dimitri 1500 - 400) [i]Dimitri… You will… [/i] Dimitri spun around, the voice seemed to come from behind him. He was panting, the cries of the audience dying down. “Russian dude. Seriously man, this ain’t funny.” [i]Damn it Dimitri, pull yourself together. You are on television. Don’t let your problems come out now. It’s all in your head. [/i] [i]Dimitri… You must… [/i] “I set two cards. Make your move boy.” Dimitri said. Alex looked confused at him confused, but carried on anyway. A white light flashed, and Mermail – Abysspike, the armoured merman from before appeared next to Alex. “If you say. I’ll make it quick so you don’t embarrass yourself any more. I release my two monsters to advance summon [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Photon_Kaiser"]Photon Kaiser[/url] ([b]2000[/b]/2800).” The two monsters vanished, and a knight, glittering golden armour, hooked sword in one hand, and a deep blue shield in the other took their place. A second Knight followed suit. “Since I normal summoned Kaiser, I get another one from my deck. And now I’ll give these people a show. Overlay level 8. Descend, [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Number_40:_Gimmick_Puppet_Heaven%27s_String"]Number 40: Gimmick Puppet Heaven’s Strings[/url] ([b]3000[/b]/2500).” [i]WHAT?! No Neo Galaxy… Damn it I had prepared for it…but not this. [/i]The two monsters burst into a white light, which rose upwards into a galaxy style portal. A requiem began to play, and a red glow filled the stadium. Slowly, it descended. It towered above all other monsters that had been summoned so far, the peak of its solitary wing higher than the stadium itself. A fallen angel, broken and discarded drifted into view, a look of horror forever etched on its gothic visage. The ground shook as it touched down. “You’ll be finishing nothing boy. I activate my face down, [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Atlantean_Roar"]Atlantean Roar[/url]. Return Deep Sea Diver, Marksman, and Armed Solider.” The three monster reappeared, the two fish warriors, and the purple mermaid, all in a defensive stance, and all standing defiant against the towering Dragon in front of them. “Heaven’s Strings attack Diva. Crush the fish.” “[url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Zeus%27_Breath"]Zeus’ Breath[/url]. Attack is negated. And you take 800 damage. You haven’t won this turn.” A wave of water rose up, separate Heaven’s Strings from its opponents. Diva burst through, striking Alex in the chest. The crowd were once again chanting for Dimitri. Heaven’s Strings should have been a game ender. Now it was sitting useless. (Alex 2400-1600) “This turn being the key words. Number 40, Requiem Strings!” The Gimmick puppet absorbed on of its overlay units into its sword. The music slowly grew to a crescendo, a portal opening above the field. Red strings descended, wrapping around the three sea serpents. “All your monsters have gained a string counter. In your end phase they will detonate and you lose 500 for each.” He set two cards. [i]I need a good draw here… the right card… He obviously knows Poseidra could resurrect from the grave… I need something better... Something less obvious... [/i] Dimitri drew. “I activate the effect of [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Genex_Ally_Birdman"]Genex Ally Birdman[/url] in my hand, by returning one card on my field to the hand, it gets special summoned. ([b]1400[/b]/400).” Deep Sea Diva was struck by a sudden gust of wind, blowing it back into the card. In its place, a small robotic parrot appeared. “Now, I tune level 3 Birdman, with level 3 Marksman. [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Brionac,_Dragon_of_the_Ice_Barrier"]Dragon of the Ice Barrier, Brionac[/url] rise. ([b]2300[/b]/1400)” Birdman flew into the air, breaking apart into three green rings, Marksman swam into the rings, breaking down into three stars. A lance of green light shot through, and a new beast was born. The stadium felt colder, breaths visible. A white dragon, held aloft on wings of ice slid down from the skies, snake like body twisting as it moved. It roared, the sound reminding people of winter days. It settled on the ground, rearing up to be as tall as its opponent. “I activate Brionacs effect. I discard card, and I can return one card on field to the hand.” “Safe Zone. You are unable to target my Gimmick Puppet. Obvious Russian dude.” A white aura surrounded the puppet, shielding it from the Dragon opposite it. “You played into my trap. I return my own Armed Solider to my hand. And then discard it to activate Brionacs effect again. Armed Soldier’s effect also activates. Say goodbye to both your face down, and safe zone. And as Safe Zone goes… So goes your Puppet.” The dragon reared back further, drawing the air around it in. It exhaled and flapped its wings, and a snowstorm consumed the field. When the storm ceased, Brionac stood alone, roaring in triumph. “Well done. Game is yours.” Alex disengaged his duel disk before the attack could be declared, and walked over towards Dimitri. Something exploded, and the crowd screamed. A white light filled the sky, and a wave of force battered the stadium, throwing everyone to the ground. A row of sets gave way, collapsing downwards, throwing the occupants in all directions. A mushroom cloud blossomed in the distance. Dimitri groaned, winded by the force. His head slowly turned, and he saw a shadow, a living shadow dart across the open field. “Dimitri… It has begun… “ Said the voice. Only this time, it wasn’t a dream. Dimitri turned his head, ears ringing from the blast, and saw the event organiser standing over him. “Dimitri…” He said, his voice had changed, the same haunting voice he had heard every day for a long, long time. “You. You’re-“ Dimitri started, before stopping. The event organiser rippled, and he morphed becoming a faceless woman, a living shadow. “Dimitri… You are to come with me… Refusal will result in the death of all those present.” To prove her point, a blade slid out of the device on its right hand, slick with blood. The assassin- [i]that was the right word for it[/i]- looked around, a predator analysing the situation before it commits to the hunt. Dimitri stayed down, and the Assassin looked at him again. “Dimitri… You will come with me by force if necessary… and everyone here will die as a result…” Dimitri stood slowly, clutching his side in pain. He’d felt something snap when he landed. He limped away, following the assassin. Security rushed onto the field, guns raised at the Assassin. The five men looked unused to carry fire arms, hands shaking, one fiddling with the safety. Another swore as the clip slid clean out of the gun. The Assassin cocked her head, and with a flick of her wrist, the blade fired out of the device, striking the first guard in the throat. He collapsed onto his knees, and then fell to the side. Two of the guards fled, screaming in terror. The Assassin rushed forwards, her movements a blur. One guard fired, but the woman stepped to the side, her every motion faster than Dimitri could see. The guard fired again, same result. She grabbed the pistol from his hand before he could fire again, grabbing his throat and lifting him into the air with one hand. She fired two shots. The fleeing guards collapsed. The Assassin cocked her head once again, and the head of guard she held mirrored it, neck snapped. The last guard fell to his knees, pleading for his life, tears stream streaming down his face. “Please… Please don’t kill me. Please don’t kill me. Please don’t kill me.” The Assassin leant down, and picked up its blade. Its back was to the last guard. Dimitri blinked, and in that time the assassin had turned to face the guard, who now lay face down in a slowly growing pool of blood. She gestured for Dimitri to follow. Dimitri walked slowly, feeling sick at the sight. [i]If I try and run… she will kill everyone. [/i]He threw up as he walked past the dead guards, the think metal tang in the air. Dimitri caught up with the assassin at the exit to the stadium. A lone black jeep was waiting at the entrance, door open like a set of black gates. “What-What do you want with me?” Dimitri asked, voice quivering. The assassins blank stared at Dimitri. She raised her hand and he flinched. No violence, she simply pointed at the jeep. “Enter… or they die…” The clock above the entrance to the stadium entrance rang, the sound ominous. “Enter… before the sixth chime.” Dimitri turned, shaking- two- The steps seemed to drag for eternity. He was approaching death most- three- likely. He reached the bottom of the steps finally, and turned his head towards the ocean, the orange- four- bloom of the mushroom cloud, far off in the distance. He wondered who had been unfortunate enough to get caught in- five- the blast. With one final sigh, he stepped into the jeep, and the door slammed shut behind Dimitri Vevelosky. The Jeep turned away from- six- the stadium, its destination unknown. And amidst the chaos of a nuclear strike on the island of Ashton, no one had noticed the disappearance. [/spoiler] Waiting for all the critisizm, hopefully most of it constructive. It will be nice to know what everyone thinks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Synchronized Posted July 17, 2012 Report Share Posted July 17, 2012 [spoiler='Chapter One. '] [i]Caliban – Micheal Hopkins Stadium. 4:48 pm Wednesday 18[sup]th[/sup] July. [/i] A maximum capacity crowd. A hundred thousand fans. A million viewers across the country. Maybe a billion across the world. And all them were cheering. Cheering the name of current Russian Duelling Champion Dimitri Vevelosky, currently waiting in the stadium changing room. This was his night, no one else’s. [i]Interesting. We start off with a not-so-overused name and a character that, keeping mind I'm reviewing this part by part, will more than likely not make it to the end of the episode.[/i] Dimitri had been the runt of his family. He was the youngest of four sons and three daughters, and had been the shortest and weakest for years. His parents had always used him for the worst tasks on the farm back in the colds of Siberia. [i]They said I was worthless, but look at me know. [/i]His name was known across the world, people would ask for his autograph when they saw him. And what of his family… Stuck on a farm in the bitter cold wilderness, living in poverty. Dimitri pulled his worn fur coat closer to his body, nightmares of the nights trapped in the barn house drifting back. He closed his eyes and said a silent prayer, the suns golden rays piercing into the otherwise dank changing room from the window. It was his night. Nothing would change that. [i]I must say, your description (especially in the prologue as well) is very good. Be careful not to overdo it, though. It's something I struggle with as well, knowing the right balance of description and how much of it to use in order to maintain an effective story. But in your case, it's been excellent thus far.[/i] [i]Dimitri. [/i] “No… not you again.” Dimitri said, opening his eyes. The same voice had been following him, haunting him wherever he went. Not even his dreams were a safe place. He sighed and stood. [i]It's Astral!! Oh, wait, wrong story...moving on...[/i] [i]Dimitri…[/i] A shadow passed in front of the sunlight. Dimitri spun around, the voice coming from beside him now. “Who-Who is there?” Dimitri said in his native tongue. The shadow moved once again, and Dimitri was bathed in the light again. His breaths were rushed, heart rushing. A door slammed and Dimitri jumped. “Mr Vevelosky, it’s time.” Said event organizer, a small young man in his early twenties with greasy hair. Dimitri sighed in relief. “Very well.” His English was heavy and slurred, a much different sound to his Russian tongue. Dimitri walked out of the room, the door held open by the organizer. As he moved to follow in Dimitri’s wake, a locker slammed shut. The organiser stepped away from the door, looking for anyone else in the room. [i]Something seems odd about this entire paragraph, but I'm not sure what. Maybe it's just that you're telling too much in such a short span of sentences.[/i] “Hello? Anyone there?” He asked. Silence. He walked further away from the door, double checking. Finally he dismissed it simply as the wind, and turned. The door had closed. He moved to open it but touched something cold, something invisible. He backed away. The air began to move like water in a pond, and he found himself staring into a faceless woman. He opened his mouth to scream, but found no sound could emerge from his throat, only blood. He looked down, and a green crystalline sword was dug into his neck. The faceless figures skin rippled, and within moments the event organizer found himself staring into his own eyes. The last thing he ever saw. [i]Well, this changes my prediction of the Dimitri being the first one to go. I thought you might have been setting him up as a one-off "big bad" for the main character to defeat, but perhaps I'm wrong.[/i] Dimitri took his walk of glory. The long walk towards the duel field at the centre of the stadium, renovated for duelling in the place of football. The crowds roars became a symphony as he set foot on the grass. His opponent took the walk at the same time, both players staring down there opponent. A psychological battle. [i]The description continues to impress, very much so for a first-time Fan Fiction writer. You've got some talent for sure.[/i] “Welcome Ladies and Gentleman to a clash between champions.” Said the commentator, his voice ringing out from the loudspeakers, hyping the crowd. “In the blue corner… We have Russian Champion Dimitri Vevelosky.” A spot light flashed onto Dimitri, the majority of the crowds cheering all the harder. “And in the red corner, we have the Caliban champion, Alex White-Run.” A small group of fans screamed his name, before being drowned by the repeated chanting. “Dimitri! Dimitri! Dimitri!” The two duellists reached the field at the centre, and the cheers of the crowd died. Both stood in silence. [i]Something is making it so I can't take that last name seriously at all. White-Run? I'm not sure, maybe it's the same force that took out the Tournament Organizer. Or perhaps it's just a silly name. Ah well...[/i] “You are the one I am here to crush?” Dimitri asked. The smack talk, yet another psychological battle. [i]Come on, you couldn't have gone with "I CRUSH YOU NOW" in a thick Russian accent? I am dissapoint. [/i] “No. I’m the guy who’s here to beat you back to Russia.” Alex said laughing at Dimitri’s attempts. He was yet another young man, a skinny teenager from the looks, and yet he already had a reputation for being one of the best. “I would welcome that. The weather would be an improvement.” Alex just laughed. “Wow… That one was really good. I’m quaking in my boots.” Alex activated his duel disk, a standard issue, stainless steel, Sigma Alpharius model. Dmitri did likewise, and both players drew the starting hand. [i]That confrontation was straight out of the Yu-Gi-Oh GX! Generic Villian vs. Smart-Ass Playbook, Volume 2.[/i] “Let this Championship match begin!” The announcer shouted, and the crowd cheered. “Age before Beauty. And since you’re neither I’ll go first.” Alex said before drawing. “I set two cards, and then I summon [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Cardcar_D"]Cardcar D[/url] (800/400).” A flat blue racing car whirled into life before bursting apart into light. “And I tribute him to draw two cards, which moves my turn to the end phase.” Dimitri drew. One turn in, and he was one card down on the stranger. [i]That will change. [/i] “I summon [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Mermail_-_Abysspike"]Mermail – Abysspike[/url]([b]1600[/b]/800).” An armoured merman, much like a swordfish rose from a swirling portal of water. “Since I did so, I may discard a Water monster, and add a level 3 water monster to my hand.” Another swirling whirlpool appeared, a blue human-fish hybrid rising briefly to fire a crossbow bolt at one of Alex’s face downs. “As [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Atlantean_Marksman"]Atlantean Marksman[/url]was sent to the grave for the activation of a water monster effect, I can destroy one set card you control.” “Shame you picked a bad one.” Alex had a confident smirk on his face. [i]See if you are confident after this. [/i] “Abysspike attack this whelp.” The mermaid lunged forwards, armoured fists raised. “Nope. [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Memory_of_a_Rival"]Memory of a Rival[/url]. I take damage equal to your monsters attack, it gets banished.” Abysspike punch hit with a dull thud, knocking Alex back(4000-2400). Abysspike then vanished in a consuming white light. “And at the end of your next turn, I gain control of him. For a Russian Champion, you aren’t that good so far.” Alex said, yawning. Dimitri set two cards before ending his turn. [i]Good so far...this is the one part I struggle with the most; writing duels. I don't know how to make them flow and you've managed to do it well, despite a few small grammatical issues here and there.[/i] “I start with [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Photon_Sanctuary"]Photon Sanctuary[/url]. I get to special summon two photon tokens, downside is I can’t attack with them, synchro with them, or summon stuff other than light monsters.” Two orbs of bluish light rose next to Alex, before vanishing. “And I tribute my two tokens to Special Summon [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Galaxy-Eyes_Photon_Dragon"]Galaxy Eyes Photon Dragon[/url] as they both have 2k attack points. ([b]3000[/b]/2500)” A colourless prism rose, slowly expanding outwards to reveal a shimmering sapphire dragon, ruby streaks upon its slowly unfurling wings. It let out a triumphant roar, and landed on the ground with a thud. The crowd roared at the sight of Alex’s signature monster. “And then I normal summon [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Alexandrite_Dragon"]Alexandrite Dragon[/url]. ([b]2000[/b]/0)” A equal impressive dragon flew into the stadium, its hide encrusted with gems. It took its place next its more impressive cousin. [i]That must be one awkward family reunion...[/i] “Galaxy Eyes, attack. Photon Stream of Destruction.” Alex shouted, and the dragon breathed a stream of sapphire flames towards Dimitri. “The winters in Siberia are warmer than your Dragon’s flames. Face down, [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Damage_Diet"]Damage Diet[/url]. All damage I would take is halved this turn.” The face down flipped up, and the flames of Galaxy eyes died as they struck Dimitri, who stood strong and let them pass around him. (Dimitri 4000-2500). “Alexandrite hit him again.” Alexandrite roared and took flight towards Dimitri, the beat of its wings causing Dimitris’ coat to flap wildly. The Dragon slashed Dimitri, knocking him back with a grunt. (Dimitri 2500-1500). “Is that all you have? I must tell my comrades they have little to fear.” Dimitri said, faking a laugh. The crowd were losing their faith in him, the constant cheering of Dimitri fading out to a new sound. “ALEX. ALEX. ALEX. ALEX.” “Looks like the crowds finally cheering the right tune. I’ll chuck a pair of face downs to end my turn.” Alex said smugly. [i]Alex is a prick and I don't like him at all. If he's the hero, I'm supporting the villians. Mask girl or whatever her name is. I think I'll call her Vanessa until you do otherwise. [/i] [i]Dimitri… [/i] “No… not now.” Dimitri whispered, drawing his card. His hand was shaking, in fact he nearly dropped the card he drew. “Russian dude. You high or something?” Alex asked, and Dimitri shook his head. “Not your problem little boy. I think the crowd needs a reason to cheer again.” He bellowed, chuckling to himself. “You talk big.” Alex said smirking. “Well I never talk without being able to support what I’m saying. Let me show you. I start by summoning [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Deep_Sea_Diva"]Deep Sea Diva[/url], and since I summon it, I get to special summon a level 3 or lower sea serpent from my deck. Rise [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Atlantean_Armed_Soldier"]Atlantean Armed Solider[/url]. ([b]0[/b]/1600).” A purple mermaid rose from yet another whirlpool, and with a click of her fingers, and another blue fish-human hybrid appeared next to her, a shield in either hand that combined to form a more threatening fish face. [i]Now, from the looks of things now, he could easily summon Neo Galaxy Eyes next turn if he has Kaiser in his hand… and he is obviously a competent duellist… it may be best to throw my own signature into play. [/i] [i]For someone with terrible English,. he sure has a diverse vocabulary. Who needs Rosetta Stone?[/i] “I use Armed Soldier’s effect. I am allowed to summon an additional level 4 or lower Sea Serpent. Atlantean Marksman, take aim again.” Another blue fish warrior appeared, crossbow aimed directly at Alex. “And now it’s time. I set one card, and I tribute my three monsters. Rise from the depths, [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Atlantean_Dragon_Poseidra"]Atlantean Dragon Poseidra[/url] ([b]2800[/b]/1600).” The three monsters burst into water, and formed a pool, a dark shape moved with the pool, before bursting upwards, a spray of water in all directions. The creature, a sea dwelling armoured dragon, howled at its enemy. Water dripped down its blue scales, its trident tail crashing back into the water. “My two Atlantean effects activate, Marksman Destroys one of your set cards and Armed Solider destroys your Galaxy Eyes.” The two fish rose beneath their master, one of them spearing the left face down with its bolt, and the other ramming towards the Sapphire Dragon. “Face down activate, [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Safe_Zone"]Safe Zone[/url]. Galaxy Eyes is safe.” The second face down card flipped, and Armed solider bounced off the toughened hide of Galaxy Eyes. A white aura surrounded it. “Silly man, your dragon is doomed none the less. Poseidra, Roar of the Ocean.” The Dragon roared, the sound echoing around the stadium, followed by rushing water. A wave of chilling water spread across the field, its every motion linked to the roar of Poseidra. It washed every spell and trap off the field, and the aura that protected Galaxy Eyes tore it away as it went. “Every spell and trap card on the field is returned to its owners hand, and as safe zone disappeared, so too does your Dragon. Since 3 cards were returned, all of your monsters lose 300 attack for each card returned.” The water froze, locking alexandrite dragon in place. (Alexandrite [b]2000 – 1100[/b]/0). [i]I'm not too familiar with the Atlanteans yet, but I like how you're incoporating a variety of cards into this duel.[/i] “Poseidra, attack.” The dragon swan forwards, and reared up above Alexandrite. Alex laughed, caught in the dragons shadow. “Oh come on. You’re playing a Photon deck. What’s the ultimate support for a light monster?” Alex spun one card in his hand, and Dimitri swore. “Do your work [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Honest"]Honest[/url].” An angel rose in front of Alexandrite dragon, bathing it in light, raising its power. (Alexandrite [b]1100-3900[/b]/0) Poseidra smashed its weight downwards, only to be knocked away by Alexandrite. Poseidra exploded into fragments. (Dimitri 1500 - 400) [i]Dimitri… You will… [/i] Dimitri spun around, the voice seemed to come from behind him. He was panting, the cries of the audience dying down. “Russian dude. Seriously man, this ain’t funny.” [i]Damn it Dimitri, pull yourself together. You are on television. Don’t let your problems come out now. It’s all in your head. [/i] [i]Dimitri… You must… [/i] “I set two cards. Make your move boy.” Dimitri said. Alex looked confused at him confused, [i]Something about this sentence confused me confused.[/i] but carried on anyway. A white light flashed, and Mermail – Abysspike, the armoured merman from before appeared next to Alex. “If you say. I’ll make it quick so you don’t embarrass yourself any more. I release my two monsters to advance summon [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Photon_Kaiser"]Photon Kaiser[/url] ([b]2000[/b]/2800).” The two monsters vanished, and a knight, glittering golden armour, hooked sword in one hand, and a deep blue shield in the other took their place. A second Knight followed suit. “Since I normal summoned Kaiser, I get another one from my deck. And now I’ll give these people a show. Overlay level 8. Descend, [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Number_40:_Gimmick_Puppet_Heaven%27s_String"]Number 40: Gimmick Puppet Heaven’s Strings[/url] ([b]3000[/b]/2500).” [i]WHAT?! No Neo Galaxy… Damn it I had prepared for it…but not this. [/i]The two monsters burst into a white light, which rose upwards into a galaxy style portal. A requiem began to play, and a red glow filled the stadium. Slowly, it descended. It towered above all other monsters that had been summoned so far, the peak of its solitary wing higher than the stadium itself. A fallen angel, broken and discarded drifted into view, a look of horror forever etched on its gothic visage. The ground shook as it touched down. [i]Solid detail once more. I have to say though, the requiem line made me laugh. Just because the thought of the requiem being programmed into the card so that when it's Summoned, it plays, is quite funny.[/i] “You’ll be finishing nothing boy. I activate my face down, [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Atlantean_Roar"]Atlantean Roar[/url]. Return Deep Sea Diver, Marksman, and Armed Solider.” The three monster reappeared, the two fish warriors, and the purple mermaid, all in a defensive stance, and all standing defiant against the towering Dragon in front of them. “Heaven’s Strings attack Diva. Crush the fish.” “[url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Zeus%27_Breath"]Zeus’ Breath[/url]. Attack is negated. And you take 800 damage. You haven’t won this turn.” A wave of water rose up, separate Heaven’s Strings from its opponents. Diva burst through, striking Alex in the chest. The crowd were once again chanting for Dimitri. Heaven’s Strings should have been a game ender. Now it was sitting useless. (Alex 2400-1600) [i]What a stupid bunch of fans. They only cheer for who's winning? #bandwagon[/i] “This turn being the key words. Number 40, Requiem Strings!” The Gimmick puppet absorbed on of its overlay units into its sword. The music slowly grew to a crescendo, a portal opening above the field. Red strings descended, wrapping around the three sea serpents. “All your monsters have gained a string counter. In your end phase they will detonate and you lose 500 for each.” He set two cards. [i]I need a good draw here… the right card… He obviously knows Poseidra could resurrect from the grave… I need something better... Something less obvious... [/i] Dimitri drew. “I activate the effect of [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Genex_Ally_Birdman"]Genex Ally Birdman[/url] in my hand, by returning one card on my field to the hand, it gets special summoned. ([b]1400[/b]/400).” Deep Sea Diva was struck by a sudden gust of wind, blowing it back into the card. In its place, a small robotic parrot appeared. “Now, I tune level 3 Birdman, with level 3 Marksman. [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Brionac,_Dragon_of_the_Ice_Barrier"]Dragon of the Ice Barrier, Brionac[/url] rise. ([b]2300[/b]/1400)” Birdman flew into the air, breaking apart into three green rings, Marksman swam into the rings, breaking down into three stars. A lance of green light shot through, and a new beast was born. The stadium felt colder, breaths visible. A white dragon, held aloft on wings of ice slid down from the skies, snake like body twisting as it moved. It roared, the sound reminding people of winter days. It settled on the ground, rearing up to be as tall as its opponent. [i]It's like we're back in Siberia again! Oh wait, it's just a Brionac.[/i] “I activate Brionacs effect. I discard card, and I can return one card on field to the hand.” “Safe Zone. You are unable to target my Gimmick Puppet. Obvious Russian dude.” [i]Wait, Dimitri's the one that's high?[/i] A white aura surrounded the puppet, shielding it from the Dragon opposite it. “You played into my trap. I return my own Armed Solider to my hand. And then discard it to activate Brionacs effect again. Armed Soldier’s effect also activates. Say goodbye to both your face down, and safe zone. And as Safe Zone goes… So goes your Puppet.” The dragon reared back further, drawing the air around it in. It exhaled and flapped its wings, and a snowstorm consumed the field. When the storm ceased, Brionac stood alone, roaring in triumph. “Well done. Game is yours.” Alex disengaged his duel disk before the attack could be declared, and walked over towards Dimitri. Something exploded, and the crowd screamed. A white light filled the sky, and a wave of force battered the stadium, throwing everyone to the ground. A row of sets gave way, collapsing downwards, throwing the occupants in all directions. A mushroom cloud blossomed in the distance. Dimitri groaned, winded by the force. His head slowly turned, and he saw a shadow, a living shadow dart across the open field. [i]Seriously? After all the money they just spent to put in those new seats?[/i] “Dimitri… It has begun… “ Said the voice. Only this time, it wasn’t a dream. Dimitri turned his head, ears ringing from the blast, and saw the event organiser standing over him. “Dimitri…” He said, his voice had changed, the same haunting voice he had heard every day for a long, long time. “You. You’re-“ Dimitri started, before stopping. The event organiser rippled, and he morphed becoming a faceless woman, a living shadow. “Dimitri… You are to come with me… Refusal will result in the death of all those present.” To prove her point, a blade slid out of the device on its right hand, slick with blood. The assassin- [i]that was the right word for it[/i]- looked around, a predator analysing the situation before it commits to the hunt. Dimitri stayed down, and the Assassin looked at him again. “Dimitri… You will come with me by force if necessary… and everyone here will die as a result…” Dimitri stood slowly, clutching his side in pain. He’d felt something snap when he landed. He limped away, following the assassin. Security rushed onto the field, guns raised at the Assassin. The five men looked unused to carry fire arms, hands shaking, one fiddling with the safety. Another swore as the clip slid clean out of the gun. The Assassin cocked her head, and with a flick of her wrist, the blade fired out of the device, striking the first guard in the throat. He collapsed onto his knees, and then fell to the side. Two of the guards fled, screaming in terror. The Assassin rushed forwards, her movements a blur. One guard fired, but the woman stepped to the side, her every motion faster than Dimitri could see. The guard fired again, same result. She grabbed the pistol from his hand before he could fire again, grabbing his throat and lifting him into the air with one hand. She fired two shots. The fleeing guards collapsed. The Assassin cocked her head once again, and the head of guard she held mirrored it, neck snapped. The last guard fell to his knees, pleading for his life, tears stream streaming down his face. “Please… Please don’t kill me. Please don’t kill me. Please don’t kill me.” The Assassin leant down, and picked up its blade. Its back was to the last guard. Dimitri blinked, and in that time the assassin had turned to face the guard, who now lay face down in a slowly growing pool of blood. She gestured for Dimitri to follow. Dimitri walked slowly, feeling sick at the sight. [i]If I try and run… she will kill everyone. [/i]He threw up as he walked past the dead guards, the think metal tang in the air. Dimitri caught up with the assassin at the exit to the stadium. A lone black jeep was waiting at the entrance, door open like a set of black gates. “What-What do you want with me?” Dimitri asked, voice quivering. The assassins blank stared at Dimitri. She raised her hand and he flinched. No violence, she simply pointed at the jeep. “Enter… or they die…” The clock above the entrance to the stadium entrance rang, the sound ominous. “Enter… before the sixth chime.” Dimitri turned, shaking- two- The steps seemed to drag for eternity. He was approaching death most- three- likely. He reached the bottom of the steps finally, and turned his head towards the ocean, the orange- four- bloom of the mushroom cloud, far off in the distance. He wondered who had been unfortunate enough to get caught in- five- the blast. With one final sigh, he stepped into the jeep, and the door slammed shut behind Dimitri Vevelosky. The Jeep turned away from- six- the stadium, its destination unknown. And amidst the chaos of a nuclear strike on the island of Ashton, no one had noticed the disappearance. [/spoiler] There's a line-by-line review in the spoiler; I find that makes it easier to get a feel for the story to just throw comments in there as I go along. It was very good, especially for a new member. I love to write, but I don't have a great attention span, so I'm not one to read most stories on here simply for that reason, but I felt it was the least I could do since you took the time to reply to D-Accel, and I'm not disappointed. This was very good and I'll definitely be following it. Aside from some grammatical errors, you could've fooled me if you told me you'd been writing Fan Fiction for years. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aerion Brightflame Posted July 18, 2012 Author Report Share Posted July 18, 2012 [quote name='- Neo -' timestamp='1342568686' post='5981419'] [spoiler='Chapter One. '] [i]Caliban – Micheal Hopkins Stadium. 4:48 pm Wednesday 18[sup]th[/sup] July. [/i] A maximum capacity crowd. A hundred thousand fans. A million viewers across the country. Maybe a billion across the world. And all them were cheering. Cheering the name of current Russian Duelling Champion Dimitri Vevelosky, currently waiting in the stadium changing room. This was his night, no one else’s. [i]Interesting. We start off with a not-so-overused name and a character that, keeping mind I'm reviewing this part by part, will more than likely not make it to the end of the episode.[/i] Dimitri had been the runt of his family. He was the youngest of four sons and three daughters, and had been the shortest and weakest for years. His parents had always used him for the worst tasks on the farm back in the colds of Siberia. [i]They said I was worthless, but look at me know. [/i]His name was known across the world, people would ask for his autograph when they saw him. And what of his family… Stuck on a farm in the bitter cold wilderness, living in poverty. Dimitri pulled his worn fur coat closer to his body, nightmares of the nights trapped in the barn house drifting back. He closed his eyes and said a silent prayer, the suns golden rays piercing into the otherwise dank changing room from the window. It was his night. Nothing would change that. [i]I must say, your description (especially in the prologue as well) is very good. Be careful not to overdo it, though. It's something I struggle with as well, knowing the right balance of description and how much of it to use in order to maintain an effective story. But in your case, it's been excellent thus far.[/i] [i]Dimitri. [/i] “No… not you again.” Dimitri said, opening his eyes. The same voice had been following him, haunting him wherever he went. Not even his dreams were a safe place. He sighed and stood. [i]It's Astral!! Oh, wait, wrong story...moving on...[/i] [i]Dimitri…[/i] A shadow passed in front of the sunlight. Dimitri spun around, the voice coming from beside him now. “Who-Who is there?” Dimitri said in his native tongue. The shadow moved once again, and Dimitri was bathed in the light again. His breaths were rushed, heart rushing. A door slammed and Dimitri jumped. “Mr Vevelosky, it’s time.” Said event organizer, a small young man in his early twenties with greasy hair. Dimitri sighed in relief. “Very well.” His English was heavy and slurred, a much different sound to his Russian tongue. Dimitri walked out of the room, the door held open by the organizer. As he moved to follow in Dimitri’s wake, a locker slammed shut. The organiser stepped away from the door, looking for anyone else in the room. [i]Something seems odd about this entire paragraph, but I'm not sure what. Maybe it's just that you're telling too much in such a short span of sentences.[/i] “Hello? Anyone there?” He asked. Silence. He walked further away from the door, double checking. Finally he dismissed it simply as the wind, and turned. The door had closed. He moved to open it but touched something cold, something invisible. He backed away. The air began to move like water in a pond, and he found himself staring into a faceless woman. He opened his mouth to scream, but found no sound could emerge from his throat, only blood. He looked down, and a green crystalline sword was dug into his neck. The faceless figures skin rippled, and within moments the event organizer found himself staring into his own eyes. The last thing he ever saw. [i]Well, this changes my prediction of the Dimitri being the first one to go. I thought you might have been setting him up as a one-off "big bad" for the main character to defeat, but perhaps I'm wrong.[/i] Dimitri took his walk of glory. The long walk towards the duel field at the centre of the stadium, renovated for duelling in the place of football. The crowds roars became a symphony as he set foot on the grass. His opponent took the walk at the same time, both players staring down there opponent. A psychological battle. [i]The description continues to impress, very much so for a first-time Fan Fiction writer. You've got some talent for sure.[/i] “Welcome Ladies and Gentleman to a clash between champions.” Said the commentator, his voice ringing out from the loudspeakers, hyping the crowd. “In the blue corner… We have Russian Champion Dimitri Vevelosky.” A spot light flashed onto Dimitri, the majority of the crowds cheering all the harder. “And in the red corner, we have the Caliban champion, Alex White-Run.” A small group of fans screamed his name, before being drowned by the repeated chanting. “Dimitri! Dimitri! Dimitri!” The two duellists reached the field at the centre, and the cheers of the crowd died. Both stood in silence. [i]Something is making it so I can't take that last name seriously at all. White-Run? I'm not sure, maybe it's the same force that took out the Tournament Organizer. Or perhaps it's just a silly name. Ah well...[/i] “You are the one I am here to crush?” Dimitri asked. The smack talk, yet another psychological battle. [i]Come on, you couldn't have gone with "I CRUSH YOU NOW" in a thick Russian accent? I am dissapoint. [/i] “No. I’m the guy who’s here to beat you back to Russia.” Alex said laughing at Dimitri’s attempts. He was yet another young man, a skinny teenager from the looks, and yet he already had a reputation for being one of the best. “I would welcome that. The weather would be an improvement.” Alex just laughed. “Wow… That one was really good. I’m quaking in my boots.” Alex activated his duel disk, a standard issue, stainless steel, Sigma Alpharius model. Dmitri did likewise, and both players drew the starting hand. [i]That confrontation was straight out of the Yu-Gi-Oh GX! Generic Villian vs. Smart-Ass Playbook, Volume 2.[/i] “Let this Championship match begin!” The announcer shouted, and the crowd cheered. “Age before Beauty. And since you’re neither I’ll go first.” Alex said before drawing. “I set two cards, and then I summon [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Cardcar_D"]Cardcar D[/url] (800/400).” A flat blue racing car whirled into life before bursting apart into light. “And I tribute him to draw two cards, which moves my turn to the end phase.” Dimitri drew. One turn in, and he was one card down on the stranger. [i]That will change. [/i] “I summon [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Mermail_-_Abysspike"]Mermail – Abysspike[/url]([b]1600[/b]/800).” An armoured merman, much like a swordfish rose from a swirling portal of water. “Since I did so, I may discard a Water monster, and add a level 3 water monster to my hand.” Another swirling whirlpool appeared, a blue human-fish hybrid rising briefly to fire a crossbow bolt at one of Alex’s face downs. “As [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Atlantean_Marksman"]Atlantean Marksman[/url]was sent to the grave for the activation of a water monster effect, I can destroy one set card you control.” “Shame you picked a bad one.” Alex had a confident smirk on his face. [i]See if you are confident after this. [/i] “Abysspike attack this whelp.” The mermaid lunged forwards, armoured fists raised. “Nope. [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Memory_of_a_Rival"]Memory of a Rival[/url]. I take damage equal to your monsters attack, it gets banished.” Abysspike punch hit with a dull thud, knocking Alex back(4000-2400). Abysspike then vanished in a consuming white light. “And at the end of your next turn, I gain control of him. For a Russian Champion, you aren’t that good so far.” Alex said, yawning. Dimitri set two cards before ending his turn. [i]Good so far...this is the one part I struggle with the most; writing duels. I don't know how to make them flow and you've managed to do it well, despite a few small grammatical issues here and there.[/i] “I start with [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Photon_Sanctuary"]Photon Sanctuary[/url]. I get to special summon two photon tokens, downside is I can’t attack with them, synchro with them, or summon stuff other than light monsters.” Two orbs of bluish light rose next to Alex, before vanishing. “And I tribute my two tokens to Special Summon [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Galaxy-Eyes_Photon_Dragon"]Galaxy Eyes Photon Dragon[/url] as they both have 2k attack points. ([b]3000[/b]/2500)” A colourless prism rose, slowly expanding outwards to reveal a shimmering sapphire dragon, ruby streaks upon its slowly unfurling wings. It let out a triumphant roar, and landed on the ground with a thud. The crowd roared at the sight of Alex’s signature monster. “And then I normal summon [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Alexandrite_Dragon"]Alexandrite Dragon[/url]. ([b]2000[/b]/0)” A equal impressive dragon flew into the stadium, its hide encrusted with gems. It took its place next its more impressive cousin. [i]That must be one awkward family reunion...[/i] “Galaxy Eyes, attack. Photon Stream of Destruction.” Alex shouted, and the dragon breathed a stream of sapphire flames towards Dimitri. “The winters in Siberia are warmer than your Dragon’s flames. Face down, [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Damage_Diet"]Damage Diet[/url]. All damage I would take is halved this turn.” The face down flipped up, and the flames of Galaxy eyes died as they struck Dimitri, who stood strong and let them pass around him. (Dimitri 4000-2500). “Alexandrite hit him again.” Alexandrite roared and took flight towards Dimitri, the beat of its wings causing Dimitris’ coat to flap wildly. The Dragon slashed Dimitri, knocking him back with a grunt. (Dimitri 2500-1500). “Is that all you have? I must tell my comrades they have little to fear.” Dimitri said, faking a laugh. The crowd were losing their faith in him, the constant cheering of Dimitri fading out to a new sound. “ALEX. ALEX. ALEX. ALEX.” “Looks like the crowds finally cheering the right tune. I’ll chuck a pair of face downs to end my turn.” Alex said smugly. [i]Alex is a prick and I don't like him at all. If he's the hero, I'm supporting the villians. Mask girl or whatever her name is. I think I'll call her Vanessa until you do otherwise. [/i] [i]Dimitri… [/i] “No… not now.” Dimitri whispered, drawing his card. His hand was shaking, in fact he nearly dropped the card he drew. “Russian dude. You high or something?” Alex asked, and Dimitri shook his head. “Not your problem little boy. I think the crowd needs a reason to cheer again.” He bellowed, chuckling to himself. “You talk big.” Alex said smirking. “Well I never talk without being able to support what I’m saying. Let me show you. I start by summoning [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Deep_Sea_Diva"]Deep Sea Diva[/url], and since I summon it, I get to special summon a level 3 or lower sea serpent from my deck. Rise [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Atlantean_Armed_Soldier"]Atlantean Armed Solider[/url]. ([b]0[/b]/1600).” A purple mermaid rose from yet another whirlpool, and with a click of her fingers, and another blue fish-human hybrid appeared next to her, a shield in either hand that combined to form a more threatening fish face. [i]Now, from the looks of things now, he could easily summon Neo Galaxy Eyes next turn if he has Kaiser in his hand… and he is obviously a competent duellist… it may be best to throw my own signature into play. [/i] [i]For someone with terrible English,. he sure has a diverse vocabulary. Who needs Rosetta Stone?[/i] “I use Armed Soldier’s effect. I am allowed to summon an additional level 4 or lower Sea Serpent. Atlantean Marksman, take aim again.” Another blue fish warrior appeared, crossbow aimed directly at Alex. “And now it’s time. I set one card, and I tribute my three monsters. Rise from the depths, [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Atlantean_Dragon_Poseidra"]Atlantean Dragon Poseidra[/url] ([b]2800[/b]/1600).” The three monsters burst into water, and formed a pool, a dark shape moved with the pool, before bursting upwards, a spray of water in all directions. The creature, a sea dwelling armoured dragon, howled at its enemy. Water dripped down its blue scales, its trident tail crashing back into the water. “My two Atlantean effects activate, Marksman Destroys one of your set cards and Armed Solider destroys your Galaxy Eyes.” The two fish rose beneath their master, one of them spearing the left face down with its bolt, and the other ramming towards the Sapphire Dragon. “Face down activate, [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Safe_Zone"]Safe Zone[/url]. Galaxy Eyes is safe.” The second face down card flipped, and Armed solider bounced off the toughened hide of Galaxy Eyes. A white aura surrounded it. “Silly man, your dragon is doomed none the less. Poseidra, Roar of the Ocean.” The Dragon roared, the sound echoing around the stadium, followed by rushing water. A wave of chilling water spread across the field, its every motion linked to the roar of Poseidra. It washed every spell and trap off the field, and the aura that protected Galaxy Eyes tore it away as it went. “Every spell and trap card on the field is returned to its owners hand, and as safe zone disappeared, so too does your Dragon. Since 3 cards were returned, all of your monsters lose 300 attack for each card returned.” The water froze, locking alexandrite dragon in place. (Alexandrite [b]2000 – 1100[/b]/0). [i]I'm not too familiar with the Atlanteans yet, but I like how you're incoporating a variety of cards into this duel.[/i] “Poseidra, attack.” The dragon swan forwards, and reared up above Alexandrite. Alex laughed, caught in the dragons shadow. “Oh come on. You’re playing a Photon deck. What’s the ultimate support for a light monster?” Alex spun one card in his hand, and Dimitri swore. “Do your work [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Honest"]Honest[/url].” An angel rose in front of Alexandrite dragon, bathing it in light, raising its power. (Alexandrite [b]1100-3900[/b]/0) Poseidra smashed its weight downwards, only to be knocked away by Alexandrite. Poseidra exploded into fragments. (Dimitri 1500 - 400) [i]Dimitri… You will… [/i] Dimitri spun around, the voice seemed to come from behind him. He was panting, the cries of the audience dying down. “Russian dude. Seriously man, this ain’t funny.” [i]Damn it Dimitri, pull yourself together. You are on television. Don’t let your problems come out now. It’s all in your head. [/i] [i]Dimitri… You must… [/i] “I set two cards. Make your move boy.” Dimitri said. Alex looked confused at him confused, [i]Something about this sentence confused me confused.[/i] but carried on anyway. A white light flashed, and Mermail – Abysspike, the armoured merman from before appeared next to Alex. “If you say. I’ll make it quick so you don’t embarrass yourself any more. I release my two monsters to advance summon [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Photon_Kaiser"]Photon Kaiser[/url] ([b]2000[/b]/2800).” The two monsters vanished, and a knight, glittering golden armour, hooked sword in one hand, and a deep blue shield in the other took their place. A second Knight followed suit. “Since I normal summoned Kaiser, I get another one from my deck. And now I’ll give these people a show. Overlay level 8. Descend, [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Number_40:_Gimmick_Puppet_Heaven%27s_String"]Number 40: Gimmick Puppet Heaven’s Strings[/url] ([b]3000[/b]/2500).” [i]WHAT?! No Neo Galaxy… Damn it I had prepared for it…but not this. [/i]The two monsters burst into a white light, which rose upwards into a galaxy style portal. A requiem began to play, and a red glow filled the stadium. Slowly, it descended. It towered above all other monsters that had been summoned so far, the peak of its solitary wing higher than the stadium itself. A fallen angel, broken and discarded drifted into view, a look of horror forever etched on its gothic visage. The ground shook as it touched down. [i]Solid detail once more. I have to say though, the requiem line made me laugh. Just because the thought of the requiem being programmed into the card so that when it's Summoned, it plays, is quite funny.[/i] “You’ll be finishing nothing boy. I activate my face down, [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Atlantean_Roar"]Atlantean Roar[/url]. Return Deep Sea Diver, Marksman, and Armed Solider.” The three monster reappeared, the two fish warriors, and the purple mermaid, all in a defensive stance, and all standing defiant against the towering Dragon in front of them. “Heaven’s Strings attack Diva. Crush the fish.” “[url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Zeus%27_Breath"]Zeus’ Breath[/url]. Attack is negated. And you take 800 damage. You haven’t won this turn.” A wave of water rose up, separate Heaven’s Strings from its opponents. Diva burst through, striking Alex in the chest. The crowd were once again chanting for Dimitri. Heaven’s Strings should have been a game ender. Now it was sitting useless. (Alex 2400-1600) [i]What a stupid bunch of fans. They only cheer for who's winning? #bandwagon[/i] “This turn being the key words. Number 40, Requiem Strings!” The Gimmick puppet absorbed on of its overlay units into its sword. The music slowly grew to a crescendo, a portal opening above the field. Red strings descended, wrapping around the three sea serpents. “All your monsters have gained a string counter. In your end phase they will detonate and you lose 500 for each.” He set two cards. [i]I need a good draw here… the right card… He obviously knows Poseidra could resurrect from the grave… I need something better... Something less obvious... [/i] Dimitri drew. “I activate the effect of [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Genex_Ally_Birdman"]Genex Ally Birdman[/url] in my hand, by returning one card on my field to the hand, it gets special summoned. ([b]1400[/b]/400).” Deep Sea Diva was struck by a sudden gust of wind, blowing it back into the card. In its place, a small robotic parrot appeared. “Now, I tune level 3 Birdman, with level 3 Marksman. [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Brionac,_Dragon_of_the_Ice_Barrier"]Dragon of the Ice Barrier, Brionac[/url] rise. ([b]2300[/b]/1400)” Birdman flew into the air, breaking apart into three green rings, Marksman swam into the rings, breaking down into three stars. A lance of green light shot through, and a new beast was born. The stadium felt colder, breaths visible. A white dragon, held aloft on wings of ice slid down from the skies, snake like body twisting as it moved. It roared, the sound reminding people of winter days. It settled on the ground, rearing up to be as tall as its opponent. [i]It's like we're back in Siberia again! Oh wait, it's just a Brionac.[/i] “I activate Brionacs effect. I discard card, and I can return one card on field to the hand.” “Safe Zone. You are unable to target my Gimmick Puppet. Obvious Russian dude.” [i]Wait, Dimitri's the one that's high?[/i] A white aura surrounded the puppet, shielding it from the Dragon opposite it. “You played into my trap. I return my own Armed Solider to my hand. And then discard it to activate Brionacs effect again. Armed Soldier’s effect also activates. Say goodbye to both your face down, and safe zone. And as Safe Zone goes… So goes your Puppet.” The dragon reared back further, drawing the air around it in. It exhaled and flapped its wings, and a snowstorm consumed the field. When the storm ceased, Brionac stood alone, roaring in triumph. “Well done. Game is yours.” Alex disengaged his duel disk before the attack could be declared, and walked over towards Dimitri. Something exploded, and the crowd screamed. A white light filled the sky, and a wave of force battered the stadium, throwing everyone to the ground. A row of sets gave way, collapsing downwards, throwing the occupants in all directions. A mushroom cloud blossomed in the distance. Dimitri groaned, winded by the force. His head slowly turned, and he saw a shadow, a living shadow dart across the open field. [i]Seriously? After all the money they just spent to put in those new seats?[/i] “Dimitri… It has begun… “ Said the voice. Only this time, it wasn’t a dream. Dimitri turned his head, ears ringing from the blast, and saw the event organiser standing over him. “Dimitri…” He said, his voice had changed, the same haunting voice he had heard every day for a long, long time. “You. You’re-“ Dimitri started, before stopping. The event organiser rippled, and he morphed becoming a faceless woman, a living shadow. “Dimitri… You are to come with me… Refusal will result in the death of all those present.” To prove her point, a blade slid out of the device on its right hand, slick with blood. The assassin- [i]that was the right word for it[/i]- looked around, a predator analysing the situation before it commits to the hunt. Dimitri stayed down, and the Assassin looked at him again. “Dimitri… You will come with me by force if necessary… and everyone here will die as a result…” Dimitri stood slowly, clutching his side in pain. He’d felt something snap when he landed. He limped away, following the assassin. Security rushed onto the field, guns raised at the Assassin. The five men looked unused to carry fire arms, hands shaking, one fiddling with the safety. Another swore as the clip slid clean out of the gun. The Assassin cocked her head, and with a flick of her wrist, the blade fired out of the device, striking the first guard in the throat. He collapsed onto his knees, and then fell to the side. Two of the guards fled, screaming in terror. The Assassin rushed forwards, her movements a blur. One guard fired, but the woman stepped to the side, her every motion faster than Dimitri could see. The guard fired again, same result. She grabbed the pistol from his hand before he could fire again, grabbing his throat and lifting him into the air with one hand. She fired two shots. The fleeing guards collapsed. The Assassin cocked her head once again, and the head of guard she held mirrored it, neck snapped. The last guard fell to his knees, pleading for his life, tears stream streaming down his face. “Please… Please don’t kill me. Please don’t kill me. Please don’t kill me.” The Assassin leant down, and picked up its blade. Its back was to the last guard. Dimitri blinked, and in that time the assassin had turned to face the guard, who now lay face down in a slowly growing pool of blood. She gestured for Dimitri to follow. Dimitri walked slowly, feeling sick at the sight. [i]If I try and run… she will kill everyone. [/i]He threw up as he walked past the dead guards, the think metal tang in the air. Dimitri caught up with the assassin at the exit to the stadium. A lone black jeep was waiting at the entrance, door open like a set of black gates. “What-What do you want with me?” Dimitri asked, voice quivering. The assassins blank stared at Dimitri. She raised her hand and he flinched. No violence, she simply pointed at the jeep. “Enter… or they die…” The clock above the entrance to the stadium entrance rang, the sound ominous. “Enter… before the sixth chime.” Dimitri turned, shaking- two- The steps seemed to drag for eternity. He was approaching death most- three- likely. He reached the bottom of the steps finally, and turned his head towards the ocean, the orange- four- bloom of the mushroom cloud, far off in the distance. He wondered who had been unfortunate enough to get caught in- five- the blast. With one final sigh, he stepped into the jeep, and the door slammed shut behind Dimitri Vevelosky. The Jeep turned away from- six- the stadium, its destination unknown. And amidst the chaos of a nuclear strike on the island of Ashton, no one had noticed the disappearance. [/spoiler] There's a line-by-line review in the spoiler; I find that makes it easier to get a feel for the story to just throw comments in there as I go along. It was very good, especially for a new member. I love to write, but I don't have a great attention span, so I'm not one to read most stories on here simply for that reason, but I felt it was the least I could do since you took the time to reply to D-Accel, and I'm not disappointed. This was very good and I'll definitely be following it. Aside from some grammatical errors, you could've fooled me if you told me you'd been writing Fan Fiction for years. [/quote] I know i should probably save the response for after more people have replied (if they do) but i have to say you have brought a smile to my face. Not just for replying, but for a awesome review. Grammer i admit is my weak point, and i am slowly improving on it. though some of the mistakes just make me want to go -face palm-. Thanks for the review again, i will try not to disapoint with the next chapters. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aerion Brightflame Posted July 22, 2012 Author Report Share Posted July 22, 2012 After a weeks wait. Chapter two is here. Enjoy. [spoiler='Chapter 2'] [i]Sigma Alpharius Private Villa. Half a mile east of Caliban. Date: Wednesday 18 July. Time: 6:05 pm.[/i] Lucas Foreman was a twenty two year old private eye. An average looking man, he’d been compared to Micheal Weston more than once. Industrial espionage, fraud, anything dirty a company needed doing, Lucas was the one to do it. But to the working world, and the tax man, he simply helped track down information. He had brought down companies with a single page of notes. And now he was meeting his next client. He walked through the villa being slowly escorted by a privately hired security guard, company logo badly hidden on his lapel. He noticed the white bare walls, the plain tiling, and general lack of personal decorations. This wasn’t a home. This was a hideout, on top of a remote hill, far away from civilization. The security guard in front of Lucas opened a set of plain wooden doors from the open, the kind of grand entrance normally reserved for lousy romance films. The type where someone would burst in during the middle of the wedding. Never Lucas’s style. He slipped in quietly behind, spying yet another plain room, an polished oak desk at the centre, behind which sat the acting CEO of Sigma Alpharius, busy signing forms. A woman by the name of Michelle Rochdale. “Mr Foreman is it?” She asked, looking up from the desk. Smartly dressed, plain looking, she had an aura of confidence around her. “That’s me. And you are hiding from something.” Lucas said, eyes quickly taking in his surroundings. Michelle looked flustered. Lucas was on the right track. “And what makes you say that? This is my home.” Lucas stopped her there, cutting in masterfully. “That’s hard to believe. No personal decorations, not even on your desk. There’s a layer of dust on everything, and from the pristine condition you keep that desk in, I would expect not a scrap of dust around here. Should I carry on?” Lucas asked, taking a seat in one of the leather chairs opposite Rochdale. “Your reputation precedes you.” She scanned a form on her desk, before handing it over to Lucas. “Confidentiality agreement. Before I say another word, you have to sign this.” Lucas flicked through the form, everything seeming normal. He always checked the fine print. He signed the form and tossed it back onto the desk. Michelle opened her mouth to speak, but was cut off yet again. “You want me to investigate what made your company’s headquarters go boom, and if you are in any risk. After all, why would someone go to the expense of hiring a private security team and relocating to an obscure villa if they weren’t in danger?” Again Michelle was flustered, and Lucas smirked. His eyes flicked to the window on the right, catching a glimpse of sudden movement. Whatever it was it had disappeared. “Why yes. If that’s not beyond a man of your talents. I will pay you a considerable sum of money. We have reason to believe that the attack on our headquarters was a deliberate attempt at assassination. Security reports the building went into lockdown due to an assault on the CEO’s office.” Lucas spotted another burst of movement in the window to the left this time. “Why do you think you are being targeted? From the sound of that, your company is, but why you specifically?” Lucas asked, eyes watching the windows. “Because over the past four weeks, every other executive of the company has been killed. I’m the only one left. Someone is specifically targeting us.” “Anyone who have a grudge against you?” “We are a Global corporation. Of course there are. But of people who do wouldn’t be able to do this. This is professional. There are never any traces left behind but the body. I need someone to confirm this. And I will not leave here. They can’t know where I am, or…” “I’m nighty per cent certain they do, since I can almost guarantee every member of security outside this room is dead.” Lucas stood, and his hand rushed to the gun concealed at his waist. “How? They were the best money could buy… I mean surely we would have heard-“ Something shattered in the distance. A vase, a piece of glass, it didn’t matter. “Blood splatter on both windows. Obviously the snipers you installed to watch over the courtyard have been killed.” Rochdale looked at the windows, spying the stain in question, the setting sunlight casting shadows across the room. Rochdale scrabbled though the desk draws searching for something. “I already have a gun. And since it hasn’t broken in through the windows, they are evidently too small for it to get in through.” He disengaged the safety. “I’m not looking for a gun.” She was panicking, understandable given the circumstances. “Guns won’t help against these things.” “What things?” Lucas turned his head to look at her. Gunshots fired, followed by screaming. Death screams. “I don’t know. All I know, is that the only thing that can stop them is this.” She pulled out a square of metal, gaps in it suggesting it was meant to unfold. There was a large red button on the side, the word start written in bold. “What the hell is it?” Another scream followed, closer this time. Something crashed into the door, causing it to buckle and split. “I don’t know. I was just told that pressing this button would save me.” “That’s helpful. Give it here.” Lucas lowered the gun and took the device, and as he did so, the doors blew open. A faceless woman was standing there, a white crystal blade stained with blood on her left hand. Her head cocked to the left, scanning the room. Her gaze lingered on Rochdale, who began to break down. Lucas raised the gun again, but the woman had moved already, vaulting over the desk, and pinning Rochdale down. The gun span out of Lucas’s hand, kicked during the woman’s move. [i]Impossible. [/i] “PRESS THE BUTTON.” Rochdale screamed. Lucas slammed his palm onto the button, and a wave of light fired from the device, creating a circle a few feet in radius. A voice declared. “Duel-mode engaging.” The device unfolded, latching onto Lucas’s wrist, and creating ten rectangular slots in two rows of five. A set of cards was in a container, and he recognized the brand. [i]Yu-gi-oh!...[/i] [i]crap. [/i]He saw a similar device on the assassins arm, part of the arm itself, and she back flipped onto the desk. “That’s just showing off.” Lucas said. Rochdale started laughing, and got up. “Thank you. You’ve saved my life.” She said, her breaths shallow. She was tidying her appearance. “Now, you’re going to duel this thing, and I’m going to run away.” She walked past the assassin, who stared at her as she was walking, head cocked to the left. “Or I could just follow you?” She shook her head. “The device you used contains a duel anchor. When used no one can move more than ten feet away from their opponent. And thankfully whoever made these assassins made it so that if engaged in a duel, they must duel to the end. The amount of company members it took to find that bit out…” She kept laughing, and walked through the broken wreckage of the door. “Good luck!” She shouted before literally running off. “HEY. Don’t leave me here with this thing. I don’t want to die!” Lucas screamed at her, turning his back on the Assassin. “Rather you than me!” She shouted, and Lucas heard a door slam. [i]Just great… [/i]Lucas turned to the assassin. “Well… this is awkward.” Lucas said. “Duel commenced… Starting hand drawn… Proceed in likewise manner…” The chilling voice of the assassin said. Lucas noted she hand 5 cards in her hand. Lucas drew five. “Look. I have never played this kids game before, I’ve only watched a couple of matches.” [i]And now for some reason I guess my life depends on it. [/i] Lucas knew it was a pointless thing to say. “Irrelevant… Duel will commence… Turn start…” The assassin drew a sixth card. “Summon… [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Marauding_Captain"]Marauding Captain[/url] ([b]1200[/b]/400)… Effect activate… Special Summon [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Koa%27ki_Meiru_Bergzak"]Koa’ki Meiru Bergzak[/url] ([b]2000[/b]/200)” Two warriors appeared, one a knight in battered steel armour, and the a blue skinned body builder from the looks of it armed with twin sword. The second one roared, and Lucas jumped back in fear. “Umm. Question? Is there any way I can look at how to play this game?” Lucas asked, noticing a red energy rope connecting the two duel disks. [i]That must be the reason I can’t run. This thing is connected into my arm, and this rope will keep me from moving away whilst my arm is attached to my body… Where’s a knife when I need one. [/i] “Consult data screen… set card… reveal [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Heroic_Challenger_Double_Lance"]Heroic Challenger Double Lance[/url]… Bergzak doesn’t self-destruct…” Lucas pressed a button on his duel disk, and a holographic screen lit up. It listed everything he needed to know, rules, monster effects, suggested ways to use them. It was a start. He immediately went to the basic rules section, scanning through it as quickly as he could. “umm… So I draw a card.” Lucas drew, looking at his hand. A nice spread of cards. [i]A monster might be a good place to start… That’s another thing I do know. [/i]“And then I summon [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Infernity_Necromancer"]Infernity Necromancer[/url]. Who I think gets switched to defence mode.(0/[b]2000[/b])” A blue robed skeleton appeared, arms crossing over in a defensive stance. [i]So now he can’t destroy my monster with his Bergzak.[/i] “Trap card… [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Final_Attack_Orders"]Final Attack Orders[/url]… All monsters must be in attack mode…” The trap flipped, and necromancer stood, now open to assault. “Oh…” Lucas looked at his hand again. “I guess I set a card.” Lucas saw the name Infernity throughout all his monsters. [i]So it’s an archetype then. Which means they must have a common aim. [/i]He looked it up. [b]Gain effects for having no cards in the hand. Most commonly aim towards performing multiple high level synchro summons in one turn.[/b] [b]This loop is commonly… [/b]Lucas read it quickly. [i]This must have been her deck… Since she had a habit for discarding others around her. [/i]He rescanned his hand. “I’ll set one more, and it’s your turn.” “Turn start… Summon Heroic Challenger Double Lance. ([b]1700[/b]/900). Effect special summons second from deck.” A white armoured knight, phoenix emblem at its chest, and wielding a silver lance in either hand appeared next to the other two warriors, followed by an identical one on the opposite side. “Overlay level four… Xyz summon [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Heroic_Champion_-_Gandiva"]Heroic Champion - Gandiva[/url]… ([b]2100[/b]/1800).” The two new arrivals broke apart into a brown light, which descended into a spiral portal. A man roared, and the sound of galloping hooves on a tiled floor rang through the house. A horse archer burst through the doorway, fragments of the already ruined doorway flying everywhere. Lucas ducked as a piece of the frame soared towards his head. It clattered onto the desk, where the assassin simply kicked it away. “Bergzak attack…” The twin sword wielding body builder charged towards the helpless necromancer. “Umm. I think I can do this. I activate [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Raigeki_Break"]Rageki Break[/url]. I discard a card, and destroy your Bergzak.” Lightning streaked from ceiling lights, coursing through the body builder, shattering him into pixels. “Gandiva… Attack…” The horse archer fired a single burning arrow through Necromancer, spearing towards Lucas. “I think I can also do this. I play [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Hallowed_Life_Barrier"]Hallowed Life Barrier[/url], I discard another card, and I get to prevent all damage this turn. I think.” Three robed women appeared, in front of the arrow, the enchantments on their robes reflecting the arrow away. It stuck the wall with a dull thunk, causing Lucas to jump. [i]Ok. I do not want to get hit by one of those. [/i] “What exactly are you? I mean, why would an assassin play a kids card game?” She simply stared. “Purpose… is beyond your understanding… all things have a place… Much like this card…” She set another card. “So, you are a very skilled Assassin who likes kids games and talks in riddles? It’s like talking to my ex all over again.” Lucas said, laughing to himself. [i]Humour, that always makes the life or death situations less tense. [/i] “So, I think I draw. And then I think I’ll summon [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Infernity_Guardian"]Infernity Guardian[/url]. (1200/1700).” A spiked horseshoe complete with a floating, burning skull in the middle of it rose from the ground. “Umm, then I activate [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Mystical_Space_Typhoon"]Mystical Space Typhoon[/url]. So, I destroy your Final Attack Orders.” A wall of wind wrapped around the card, breaking it down into pixels. The neatly stacked piles of files were tossed around the office. “And now since I have an empty hand, my guardian becomes immune to destruction apparently. I guess I’ll test that. Guardian, go attack the Captain.” With a cackle, the skull leaped forth from the horse shoe, tail of flames behind it. The captain slashed down at it as it neared, but to no effect. With a crack of splintering ribs the skull struck Marauding Captain in the chest, and it two vanished into pixels. “So… that’s me done.” Lucas said, pleased with his effort. The Assassin simply laughed, the sound haunting. “The pain begins now…” All hope seemed to drain from Lucas’s world with the simple action of drawing a card. … Darkness. That’s all Dimitri knew. His companion. His tormentor. His torturer. The chains on his wrists were heavy, every movement a struggle. No noise save for his efforts. No sights save for the murky blackness. He struggled to his feet, tempted exploring the limits of his now tiny world. The sharp screech of metal grinding on metal was followed by a cascade of light. Dimitri closed his eyes, the light burning. The same voice that had haunted his dreams for a year spoke slowly. “You will follow…” Dimitri followed It was back again. The Assassin. The faceless shape shifter responsible for all of the chaos. Dimitri had lost track of time, it could have been minutes, or hours. The darkness of the cell was gone, and now he experienced the opposite. Blinding white light, white walls, white tiles. A corridor, leading to somewhere unknown. The Assassin never looked back, knowing it had Dimitri following no matter what. Its words still haunted him. [i]Come with me, or they will die. [/i] The hiss of pistons moving, and the grinding of gears filled Dimitri’s ears. He looked up, and a wall was sliding in half. Inside, yet more Darkness. The Assassin gestured for him to enter. Dimitri’s head lowered again, and he stumbled forwards one step at a time. [i]Darkness…[/i] … “Face down… [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Call_of_the_Haunted"]Call of the Haunted[/url]… Extra sword resurrects… Summon [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Heroic_Challenger_Spartas"]Heroic Challenger Spartas[/url]… ([b]1600[/b]/1000)” The double lanced warrior rose once again, joined by a new warrior, armour in the style of the ancient Greeks, wielding shield and spear. “Overlay… Level 4… [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Blade_Armor_Ninja"]Blade Armour Ninja[/url]… strike. (2200/1000)” Spartas and Double Lance burst apart into a brown light, and descended into a red spiral. With a shout, an armoured shinobi rose from the portal. Twin katana glittering in the dying light from the windows. Silently it stepped on the floor, katana raised. “Detach overlay unit… Blade attacks twice…” The shinobi charged forwards, its every motion silent. The first katana slashed downwards, glancing off the metal frame of Guardian. Flames spat at Lucas, singing him. “OW!” Lucas screamed, in pain and shock, jumping back from Guardian.The Shinobi brought its second katana down, flames again lashing out at Lucas. He winced as the washed over his hand. “Gandiva… attack.” The horse archer shouted in response, raising its bow and firing. The arrows passed straight through Guardian, and Lucas swore as it struck his chest with a thud. He fell backwards, all the air in his body having be forced out in one blow. (Lucas 4000 – 1100). “Wha-what was th-that?” Lucas asked in between coughs. The Assassin giggled, a horrid imitation of a child. “The mind has an effect on the body… if it thinks you were hit by an arrow… it simulates it… My duel disk contains enhancer… the brains response is increased relative to remaining life points… Life points hitting zero will result in braindeath…” Lucas struggled back to his feet, his chest felt like it had caved in. “So your telling me I would die without taking a scratch?” The assassin nodded slowly, revelling in Lucas’s pain. He began laughing, despite the pain. “Thanks for the information… Useful to know in case I get out of this. I’ve noticed that people are really stupid about information. Makes my job easier.” Lucas finished standing and flexed his arms. “Not when you will die shortly…” The Assassin said, setting another card face down. Her voice had changed, a hint of annoyance emerging. It seemed more human, [i]Probably expects me to be crying. [/i] “I’ll draw, set a card, and switch my Infernity Guardian to defence mode.” The flames inside the horseshoe grew more intense, forming a crimson wall in front of its opponents. It was all Lucas could do. He scanned the Data Screen, spying the card he needed. [i]Apparently that will get this Synchro chain started. [/i] “Turn start… Activate [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Solidarity"]Solidarity[/url]… Only one type of monster in my grave… All my monsters gain 800 attack… Turn end…” (Gandiva 2100-[b]2900[/b]) (Blade Armour Ninja 2200-[b]3000[/b]) Currently, that was all either player could do. Guardian was an immovable shield. “I’ll draw. And then I summon [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Infernity_Mirage"]Infernity Mirage[/url]. ([b]0[/b]/0)” A fiendish witch doctor rose next Guardian, crimson hair standing on end. “And then, I think I can tribute Mirage to special summon two Infernity monsters in my grave. I choose Infernity Avenger, and Infernity Necromancer.” Mirage burst apart into shadows. Ghostly cackles echoed through the room, and the shadows pulled darker shadows towards them. A blue robed skeleton, and a stunted demonic dual pistol wielding cowboy began to form. “Gandiva effects activates… Overlay unit detached… Special summon of level four or lower monster is negated.” One of the circling lights was absorbed by the horse rider, forming a glowing arrow. It fired, splitting into two. The Infernity monsters screamed as the arrows pierced them, disintegrating them into lights. “OH. YOU…” Lucas stopped himself, chest hurting again. He needed calm thoughts to get out of this. He sighed, the only move he could make had been cut out. [i]So my next special summoning will be cancelled, but then I have a free reign. [/i]“I end my turn…” [i]This is getting annoying. [/i] The Assassin simply drew, and set a card. There wasn’t much else for it to do, Guardian still holding it off. “I guess I draw again.” Lucas smiled as he drew. [i]Perfect. I think.[/i] “Since I drew [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Infernity_Archfiend"]Infernity Avenger[/url], and it’s the only card in my hand, I get to special summon it.” Blue flames began to burn in front of Infernity Guardian, heralding the birth of a black robed, crimson haired deamon. ([b]1800[/b]/1200). “Gandiva will spear it…” The horse archer fired another arrow, a perfect shot into the heart. and Archfiend burst apart into pixels. “Archfiend’s effect activates. Since it got special summoned when I had an empty hand, I get to search for any Infernity card.” Lucas deck obediently slid out of the machine. [i]So, time to see if this synchro loop works. [/i]“I pick [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Infernity_Beetle"]Infernity Beetle[/url], which I then summon.” A football sized black dual horned beetle burst from the wall, wings buzzing.([b]1200[/b]/0).” Then I tribute one beetle to summon two more from my deck.” The beetle exploded into shadows, which fused together into two identical copies of itself. “They won’t help you… Not against what is coming… Nothing will…” The Assassin jumped down from the desk, landing with an inhuman grace. “I’ll take my chances. Well, the obvious thing to do now is to synchro summon apparently. So, I guess that’s what I do.” One of the beetles broke apart into green rings, and Infernity guardian rose into the rings. A lance of green light fired forth, and a new monster was born. A white dragon, wings of pure ice flew in through the ceiling, the solid object no obstacle to a hologram. [i]So mine are holograms, and hers are basically real… My day keeps getting better. [/i]Its long snake like body wrapping around Lucas, settling on the floor. [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Brionac,_Dragon_of_the_Ice_Barrier"]“Brionac, Dragon of the Ice Barrier.[/url] ([b]2300[/b]/1400).” The dragon roared as its name was called, happy to serve its master. “It won’t be there long… Face down, [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Torrential_Tribute"]Torrential tribute[/url]… All monsters are destroyed…” “I’ll use my face down, [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Infernity_Barrier"]Infernity Barrier[/url]. Since I have an empty hand, and an Infernity monster, your card is negated.” The two face downs flipped up, and the Assassins crackled with red electricity before exploding. “… You lied… You have played this game…” She said, his gaze less stare burrowing into Lucas’s heart. “Ok… you got me.” Lucas started smirking. “A couple of times yeah, I was just a bit rusty. Overconfidence. People mess up more when then think they are in charge. So I used that against you. Never judge a book by its cover. So, time to kick things off properly. I’ll tune Brionac with my last beetle, say hello to [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Hundred_Eyes_Dragon"]Hundred Eyes Dragon[/url]. ([b]3000[/b]/2500)” Another set of green rings appeared, and Brionac wings beat, pulling its mass into rings. Another flash of light, and Brionac vanished. In its place, was a dragon of darker nature. Black leathery hide, and borne aloft by bat like wings, the new dragon flew to the ground, landing with a thud. An eye on its shoulder opened. Then another. Then another. Slowly, a hundred eyes opened. The Dragon roared, the sound more sickly than the gentle roar of Brionac. “Now, Hundred Eye Dragon, attack Heroic Champion Gandiva.” Each eye on the dragon began to glow red. The dragon roared, sweeping its head back. The Horse reared up in fright, and the Dragon lowered its head to point at Gandiva. A beam of Crimson energy burst forth from each eye, spearing horse and rider with a scream. (Assassin 4000-3900). “And now, time to let the synchros roll on out. I use the effect of Hundred Eyes Dragon. I get to copy a level 6 or lower dark monsters effect by banishing it. I’ll banish Infernity Necromancer. And now my Dragon will resurrect Infernity Archfiend.” The Silhouette of the blue robbed skeleton rose in front of the Dragon cackling, before being sucked into the dragon. Shadows spread from the dragon, digging into the ground, and pulling the previously destroyed crimson haired deamon back to the field. “And since I have an empty hand, and it got special summoned, I can search for an Infernity card. I’ll pick and activate I[url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Infernity_Launcher"]nfernity Launcher.[/url]” In a whirl of lights a cannon, around the size of a mini cooper, formed behind Lucas. Gears ground and the cannon barrel slowly rose upwards, until it settled, pointing directly at the assassin. “You have no hope of damaging me…” She said, the crystalline blade sliding out of the duel disk. “Not the point. Launcher lets me sends itself to the grave as my hand is empty, and then I can special summon two Infernity monsters from my grave. I’ll go twin beetles. And then I’ll tune my Beetle with Avenger to make [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Gravity_Warrior"]Gravity Warrior[/url], and then tune again for [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Infernity_Doom_Dragon"]Infernity Doom Dragon[/url]. ([b]3000[/b]/2400).” Red light filled the gloomy cannon barrel, before with an almighty boom, the two dual horned beetles fired out of the cannon. The cannon detonated behind them, barrel splitting down the middle by the force. Archfiend rose to intercept the beetles flight, and the three monsters combined in an explosion of shadows. Twin red eyes opened amidst the shadows, claws flexing, testing its new life. Leathery wings flexed, supporting the demonic bulk. It let out a low glow, slowly coming to rest on the ground next to its kin. “Now, Infernity Doom Dragon. I will use your effect. I destroy a monster you control, and burn you for half its attack.” Streams of darkness leaked from the dragon, crawling towards the shinobi. Tentatively they wrapped around the shinobi, constricting it. The Shinobi grunted, and the shadows tightened further, splitting its armour. One more grunt followed, before the shinobi detonated, raining shards of armour on the Assassin. (Assassin 3900-2400). “Looks like I’ve won doesn’t it?” Lucas said, smiling at the turn of fortune. The assassin simply giggled. Lucas looked at the field, and realized his mistake. No traps. Nothing to protect him. [i]Overconfidence… s***.[/i] “Turn start… Activate [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Monster_Reborn"]Monster Reborn[/url]… Spartas resurrects… Summon [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Heroic_Challenger_Extra_Sword"]Heroic Challenger Extra Sword[/url]. ([b]1000[/b]/1000).” The Greek warrior rose from the ground, followed by a dual sword wielding green armoured knight. “Overlay level 4… [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Heroic_Champion_-_Excalibur"]Heroic Champion-Excalibur[/url]. ([b]2000[/b]/2000).” For the third time, a red spiral opened, and the Heroic Challengers entered. A king amongst warriors rose. A glittering, phoenix hilted longsword, the length of Lucas held effortlessly in one hand. Armour stained crimson from the blood of its enemies, it was worthy of wielding Excalibur itself. “Solidarity activates… Extra sword gives it an additional 1000 attack…” A second blade appeared in its hand, and the warrior raised both weapons in a war cry. (Excalibur 2000-[b]3800[/b]) The twin dragons on Lucas’s field back away, fearful of its strength. “Not enough to take me down yet.” Lucas said, brave where his creatures were not. Life or death situations were almost normal. “Excalibur detaches both materials… Original attack is doubled…” The hilt of the blade began to glow. Flames began to ripple along the side of the blade. (Excalibur 3800-[b]5800[/b]). Lucas staggered backwards. The anchor binding both duellists together drew tight, and he was pulled to the floor. At his knees before the mighty warrior. “You fell victim to your own strategy…” She walked over to Lucas, crystalline blade drawn. Her monster did the same towards Doom Dragon, pinning the beast to the ground. “Pathetic.” Two blades raised, and for a moment, there was silence. Then a gunshot. And another. The Assassin’s limp body cluttered to the floor, twin bullet holes in its chest. Lucas exhaled in relief, dropping his pistol. [i]Overconfidence…[/i] He had picked it up whilst backing away, and used the stumble to get the assassin at point blank range. Lucas stood up, and his side flared in pain. [i]Hospital after I’m done here.[/i] A beep caught Lucas’s attention. He spun looking at the Assassins body. A red light was flashing on the wrist device. It began to glow. [i]Oh.[/i] Lucas turned, and sprinted out of the room. A rush of air behind him was followed by tremendous heat. Lucas neared a window, and a shockwave threw him out of it, screaming. His jacket ignited. He struck the ground, and rolled, trying to kill the flames. He rolled down the hill, carried by gravity away from the villa. An explosion rang through the villa, shattering every window. Flames billowed out of the frames, stripping the plain white paint away. An inferno that consumed the building, and all traces of the nights events whole. Lucas found himself at the at the bottom of the hill the villa was sat on. He rolled onto his back. Spotting something in the corner of his eye. A body. Lucas jumped back, screaming as he did so. He slowly rolled the body over, and was staring into the lifeless eyes of Michelle Rochdale. She was cold, dead before Lucas had arrived. [i]So I was talking to one of those things... Which means, I have someone to find. [/i] … Darkness. It was back again. This new room was different. It felt larger. But Dimitri knew he wasn’t alone. Footsteps in the dark. A spotlight flashed, and a familiar piece of equipment was illuminated. A duel disk. Dimitri walked slowly, remembering the stadium. [i]My night. A psychological battle. [/i] He stepped into the light, and his duel disk immediately attached itself to Dmitri’s arm. Wires lead from the duel disk to the ground, and Dimitri grunted feeling several pins pierce his skin. A second spotlight flashed, and the faceless woman stood in it. “[b]Duel Test Alpha commencing. Subject Dimitri VS Agent Magnus.[/b]” Said a computerized voice, the sound coming from all four corners of the room. [i]So I am a test subject… No I will not have it. [/i] “I am Dimitri Vevelosky. And whatever you are doing, I shall not be a part of it.” The moment the words left his lips, pain enveloped his senses. Electricity coursed through him from the wires, and his screams rang on hollow ears. “[b]Duel test commencing. Failure to comply will result in termination.[/b]” Dimitri was alone amongst the monsters. His every moment a torment. Darkness… It was all he longed for now. [/spoiler] Feedback would be nice, as well as anythings you would want me to improve. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bahamut - Envoy of the End Posted July 22, 2012 Report Share Posted July 22, 2012 You are already aware of my opinion of this, that this is preety darn good. Just posting to recommend to anyone skimmimg over the thread to read this. The editing looks to have ironed out the main critisisms I made; hope this goes well for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reinforce Posted July 23, 2012 Report Share Posted July 23, 2012 It's an interesting story, I'll definitely keep reading you keep posting chapters. I like how Lucas remembered that dueling isn't the only way to beat someone. I'm terrible at reviewing (and lazy) so no review from me but I enjoyed it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aerion Brightflame Posted July 24, 2012 Author Report Share Posted July 24, 2012 [quote name='Simdoggy' timestamp='1343008527' post='5986015'] It's an interesting story, I'll definitely keep reading you keep posting chapters. I like how Lucas remembered that dueling isn't the only way to beat someone. I'm terrible at reviewing (and lazy) so no review from me but I enjoyed it. [/quote] Well just nice to know i have another reader. And don't worry about not doing a review, being lazy is something we can all relate to. For people who want to know, i'll try and get a chapter up every Sunday or so. Since i didn't have to foresight to plan this out in advance, it takes a bit of a push but I don't see it being beyond me to achieve. Currently this chapter is running smoother than the last one, but the duel in the last one was a nightmare. And if anyone is reading, it will be nice to hear what you think, or even just to know you're reading. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Synchronized Posted July 24, 2012 Report Share Posted July 24, 2012 [spoiler='Chapter 2'] [i]Sigma Alpharius Private Villa. Half a mile east of Caliban. Date: Wednesday 18 July. Time: 6:05 pm.[/i] Lucas Foreman was a twenty two year old private eye. An average looking man, he’d been compared to Micheal Weston more than once. [i]Who?[/i] Industrial espionage, fraud, anything dirty a company needed doing, Lucas was the one to do it. But to the working world, and the tax man, he simply helped track down information. He had brought down companies with a single page of notes. And now he was meeting his next client. [i]He didn’t even have to use a pencil? I’m impressed. JUST the notes. This guy’s a protagonist for sure.[/i] He walked through the villa being slowly escorted by a privately hired security guard, company logo badly hidden on his lapel. He noticed the white bare walls, the plain tiling, and general lack of personal decorations. This wasn’t a home. This was a hideout, on top of a remote hill, far away from civilization. [i]Hey, if he’s got couches and TV’s he can watch Burn Notice, we’re all good.[/i] The security guard in front of Lucas opened a set of plain wooden doors from the open, the kind of grand entrance normally reserved for lousy romance films. [i]Did you ever think maybe some of us love these films? Well, I don’t, but my ex-girlfriend certainly did.[/i] The type where someone would burst in during the middle of the wedding. Never Lucas’s style. He slipped in quietly behind, spying yet another plain room, an polished oak desk at the centre, behind which sat the acting CEO of Sigma Alpharius, busy signing forms. A woman by the name of Michelle Rochdale. [i]She’s the CEO, a billionaire presumably, and she’s relegated to signing papers? Or is that actually just how easy the job is? If so, fax me over an application cause I’m in a rut.[/i] “Mr Foreman is it?” She asked, looking up from the desk. Smartly dressed, plain looking, she had an aura of confidence around her. “That’s me. And you are hiding from something.” Lucas said, eyes quickly taking in his surroundings. Michelle looked flustered. Lucas was on the right track. “And what makes you say that? This is my home.” Lucas stopped her there, cutting in masterfully. “That’s hard to believe. No personal decorations, not even on your desk. There’s a layer of dust on everything, and from the pristine condition you keep that desk in, I would expect not a scrap of dust around here. Should I carry on?” Lucas asked, taking a seat in one of the leather chairs opposite Rochdale. [i]He didn’t even stop to see if she had an appointment fee.[/i] “Your reputation precedes you.” She scanned a form on her desk, before handing it over to Lucas. “Confidentiality agreement. Before I say another word, you have to sign this.” Lucas flicked through the form, everything seeming normal. He always checked the fine print. He signed the form and tossed it back onto the desk. Michelle opened her mouth to speak, but was cut off yet again. “You want me to investigate what made your company’s headquarters go boom, and if you are in any risk. After all, why would someone go to the expense of hiring a private security team and relocating to an obscure villa if they weren’t in danger?” Again Michelle was flustered, and Lucas smirked. His eyes flicked to the window on the right, catching a glimpse of sudden movement. Whatever it was it had disappeared. [i]I wonder if Vanessa is back.[/i] “Why yes. If that’s not beyond a man of your talents. I will pay you a considerable sum of money. We have reason to believe that the attack on our headquarters was a deliberate attempt at assassination. Security reports the building went into lockdown due to an assault on the CEO’s office.” Lucas spotted another burst of movement in the window to the left this time. [i]All the poor woman is doing is signing papers, and she has to live in fear. This truly is a tragedy.[/i] “Why do you think you are being targeted? From the sound of that, your company is, but why you specifically?” Lucas asked, eyes watching the windows. “Because over the past four weeks, every other executive of the company has been killed. I’m the only one left. Someone is specifically targeting us.” “Anyone who have a grudge against you?” “We are a Global corporation. Of course there are. But of people who do wouldn’t be able to do this. This is professional. There are never any traces left behind but the body. I need someone to confirm this. And I will not leave here. They can’t know where I am, or…” “I’m nighty per cent certain they do, since I can almost guarantee every member of security outside this room is dead.” Lucas stood, and his hand rushed to the gun concealed at his waist. “How? They were the best money could buy… I mean surely we would have heard-“ Something shattered in the distance. A vase, a piece of glass, it didn’t matter. “Blood splatter on both windows. Obviously the snipers you installed to watch over the courtyard have been killed.” Rochdale looked at the windows, spying the stain in question, the setting sunlight casting shadows across the room. Rochdale scrabbled though the desk draws searching for something. [i]That entire paragraph was a f***ing excellent piece of storytelling. So, so good.[/i] “I already have a gun. And since it hasn’t broken in through the windows, they are evidently too small for it to get in through.” He disengaged the safety. “I’m not looking for a gun.” She was panicking, understandable given the circumstances. “Guns won’t help against these things.” [i]SPIDERS! SPIDERS! SPIDERS! Clearly I need to watch less Spongebob and focus more on this review, eh?[/i] “What things?” Lucas turned his head to look at her. Gunshots fired, followed by screaming. Death screams. “I don’t know. All I know, is that the only thing that can stop them is this.” She pulled out a square of metal, gaps in it suggesting it was meant to unfold. There was a large red button on the side, the word start written in bold. “What the hell is it?” Another scream followed, closer this time. Something crashed into the door, causing it to buckle and split. “I don’t know. I was just told that pressing this button would save me.” “That’s helpful. Give it here.” Lucas lowered the gun and took the device, and as he did so, the doors blew open. A faceless woman was standing there, a white crystal blade stained with blood on her left hand. Her head cocked to the left, scanning the room. Her gaze lingered on Rochdale, who began to break down. Lucas raised the gun again, but the woman had moved already, vaulting over the desk, and pinning Rochdale down. The gun span out of Lucas’s hand, kicked during the woman’s move. [i]Impossible.[/i] [i]Vanessa’s back. She doesn’t like people who sign papers. Some sort of childhood fear of papercuts. This is a story people.[/i] “PRESS THE BUTTON.” Rochdale screamed. Lucas slammed his palm onto the button, and a wave of light fired from the device, creating a circle a few feet in radius. A voice declared. “Duel-mode engaging.” The device unfolded, latching onto Lucas’s wrist, and creating ten rectangular slots in two rows of five. A set of cards was in a container, and he recognized the brand. [i]Yu-gi-oh!...[/i] [i]crap.[/i] He saw a similar device on the assassins arm, part of the arm itself, and she back flipped onto the desk. [i]I’m guessing Lucas isn’t actually a Duelist. This should be interesting.[/i] “That’s just showing off.” Lucas said. Rochdale started laughing, and got up. “Thank you. You’ve saved my life.” She said, her breaths shallow. She was tidying her appearance. “Now, you’re going to duel this thing, and I’m going to run away.” She walked past the assassin, who stared at her as she was walking, head cocked to the left. “Or I could just follow you?” She shook her head. “The device you used contains a duel anchor. When used no one can move more than ten feet away from their opponent. And thankfully whoever made these assassins made it so that if engaged in a duel, they must duel to the end. The amount of company members it took to find that bit out…” She kept laughing, and walked through the broken wreckage of the door. “Good luck!” She shouted before literally running off. “HEY. Don’t leave me here with this thing. I don’t want to die!” Lucas screamed at her, turning his back on the Assassin. “Rather you than me!” She shouted, and Lucas heard a door slam. [i]Just great…[/i] Lucas turned to the assassin. [i]I mean, who is going to sign the papers now?![/i] “Well… this is awkward.” Lucas said. “Duel commenced… Starting hand drawn… Proceed in likewise manner…” The chilling voice of the assassin said. Lucas noted she hand 5 cards in her hand. Lucas drew five. “Look. I have never played this kids game before, I’ve only watched a couple of matches.” [i]And now for some reason I guess my life depends on it.[/i] Lucas knew it was a pointless thing to say. “Irrelevant… Duel will commence… Turn start…” The assassin drew a sixth card. [i]I’m beginning to wonder if this assassin is actually a different one than the one we saw in the first episode. Only because of the fact that you seemed to portray Vanessa as somewhat of a leader, whereas this one feels somewhat generic.[/i] “Summon… [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Marauding_Captain"]Marauding Captain[/url] ([b]1200[/b]/400)… Effect activate… Special Summon [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Koa%27ki_Meiru_Bergzak"]Koa’ki Meiru Bergzak[/url] ([b]2000[/b]/200)” Two warriors appeared, one a knight in battered steel armour, and the a blue skinned body builder from the looks of it armed with twin sword. The second one roared, and Lucas jumped back in fear. “Umm. Question? Is there any way I can look at how to play this game?” Lucas asked, noticing a red energy rope connecting the two duel disks. [i]That must be the reason I can’t run. This thing is connected into my arm, and this rope will keep me from moving away whilst my arm is attached to my body… Where’s a knife when I need one.[/i] “Consult data screen… set card… reveal [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Heroic_Challenger_Double_Lance"]Heroic Challenger Double Lance[/url]… Bergzak doesn’t self-destruct…” Lucas pressed a button on his duel disk, and a holographic screen lit up. It listed everything he needed to know, rules, monster effects, suggested ways to use them. It was a start. He immediately went to the basic rules section, scanning through it as quickly as he could. “umm… So I draw a card.” Lucas drew, looking at his hand. A nice spread of cards. [i]A monster might be a good place to start… That’s another thing I do know.[/i] “And then I summon [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Infernity_Necromancer"]Infernity Necromancer[/url]. Who I think gets switched to defence mode.(0/[b]2000[/b])” A blue robed skeleton appeared, arms crossing over in a defensive stance. [i]So now he can’t destroy my monster with his Bergzak.[/i] “Trap card… [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Final_Attack_Orders"]Final Attack Orders[/url]… All monsters must be in attack mode…” The trap flipped, and necromancer stood, now open to assault. “Oh…” Lucas looked at his hand again. “I guess I set a card.” Lucas saw the name Infernity throughout all his monsters. [i]So it’s an archetype then. Which means they must have a common aim.[/i] He looked it up. [b]Gain effects for having no cards in the hand. Most commonly aim towards performing multiple high level synchro summons in one turn.[/b] [b]This loop is commonly…[/b] Lucas read it quickly. [i]This must have been her deck… Since she had a habit for discarding others around her.[/i] He rescanned his hand. [i]Brilliant. I quite like that, even if it’s just a small detail. Damn, you’re extremely good at this.[/i] “I’ll set one more, and it’s your turn.” “Turn start… Summon Heroic Challenger Double Lance. ([b]1700[/b]/900). Effect special summons second from deck.” A white armoured knight, phoenix emblem at its chest, and wielding a silver lance in either hand appeared next to the other two warriors, followed by an identical one on the opposite side. “Overlay level four… Xyz summon [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Heroic_Champion_-_Gandiva"]Heroic Champion - Gandiva[/url]… ([b]2100[/b]/1800).” The two new arrivals broke apart into a brown light, which descended into a spiral portal. A man roared, and the sound of galloping hooves on a tiled floor rang through the house. A horse archer burst through the doorway, fragments of the already ruined doorway flying everywhere. Lucas ducked as a piece of the frame soared towards his head. It clattered onto the desk, where the assassin simply kicked it away. “Bergzak attack…” The twin sword wielding body builder charged towards the helpless necromancer. “Umm. I think I can do this. I activate [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Raigeki_Break"]Rageki Break[/url]. I discard a card, and destroy your Bergzak.” Lightning streaked from ceiling lights, coursing through the body builder, shattering him into pixels. “Gandiva… Attack…” The horse archer fired a single burning arrow through Necromancer, spearing towards Lucas. “I think I can also do this. I play [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Hallowed_Life_Barrier"]Hallowed Life Barrier[/url], I discard another card, and I get to prevent all damage this turn. I think.” Three robed women appeared, in front of the arrow, the enchantments on their robes reflecting the arrow away. It stuck the wall with a dull thunk, causing Lucas to jump. [i]Ok. I do not want to get hit by one of those.[/i] “What exactly are you? I mean, why would an assassin play a kids card game?” She simply stared. “Purpose… is beyond your understanding… all things have a place… Much like this card…” She set another card. [i]Interesting. I think I like Lucas’ character. I’m not sure if I do. I hate the Lawyer type, but if he ends becoming an anti-hero of sorts, I’ll be so soupt.[/i] “So, you are a very skilled Assassin who likes kids games and talks in riddles? It’s like talking to my ex all over again.” Lucas said, laughing to himself. [i]Humour, that always makes the life or death situations less tense.[/i] [i]See, I like these quips. I like that he’s somewhat of a Kaiba-esque character, albeit less badass.[/i] “So, I think I draw. And then I think I’ll summon [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Infernity_Guardian"]Infernity Guardian[/url]. (1200/1700).” A spiked horseshoe complete with a floating, burning skull in the middle of it rose from the ground. “Umm, then I activate [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Mystical_Space_Typhoon"]Mystical Space Typhoon[/url]. So, I destroy your Final Attack Orders.” A wall of wind wrapped around the card, breaking it down into pixels. The neatly stacked piles of files were tossed around the office. “And now since I have an empty hand, my guardian becomes immune to destruction apparently. I guess I’ll test that. Guardian, go attack the Captain.” With a cackle, the skull leaped forth from the horse shoe, tail of flames behind it. The captain slashed down at it as it neared, but to no effect. With a crack of splintering ribs the skull struck Marauding Captain in the chest, and it two vanished into pixels. “So… that’s me done.” Lucas said, pleased with his effort. The Assassin simply laughed, the sound haunting. “The pain begins now…” All hope seemed to drain from Lucas’s world with the simple action of drawing a card. … Darkness. [i]Light. Oh, my bad, I got distracted and thought we were playing a game.[/i] That’s all Dimitri knew. His companion. His tormentor. His torturer. The chains on his wrists were heavy, every movement a struggle. No noise save for his efforts. No sights save for the murky blackness. He struggled to his feet, tempted exploring the limits of his now tiny world. The sharp screech of metal grinding on metal was followed by a cascade of light. Dimitri closed his eyes, the light burning. The same voice that had haunted his dreams for a year spoke slowly. “You will follow…” Dimitri followed It was back again. The Assassin. The faceless shape shifter responsible for all of the chaos. Dimitri had lost track of time, it could have been minutes, or hours. The darkness of the cell was gone, and now he experienced the opposite. Blinding white light, white walls, white tiles. A corridor, leading to somewhere unknown. The Assassin never looked back, knowing it had Dimitri following no matter what. Its words still haunted him. [i]Come with me, or they will die.[/i] The hiss of pistons moving, and the grinding of gears filled Dimitri’s ears. He looked up, and a wall was sliding in half. Inside, yet more Darkness. The Assassin gestured for him to enter. Dimitri’s head lowered again, and he stumbled forwards one step at a time. [i]Darkness…[/i] … [i]This is where I’m confused. Are these two plot points happening at the same time? If so, are there two different assassins as well?[/i] “Face down… [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Call_of_the_Haunted"]Call of the Haunted[/url]… Extra sword resurrects… Summon [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Heroic_Challenger_Spartas"]Heroic Challenger Spartas[/url]… ([b]1600[/b]/1000)” The double lanced warrior rose once again, joined by a new warrior, armour in the style of the ancient Greeks, wielding shield and spear. “Overlay… Level 4… [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Blade_Armor_Ninja"]Blade Armour Ninja[/url]… strike. (2200/1000)” Spartas and Double Lance burst apart into a brown light, and descended into a red spiral. With a shout, an armoured shinobi rose from the portal. Twin katana glittering in the dying light from the windows. Silently it stepped on the floor, katana raised. “Detach overlay unit… Blade attacks twice…” The shinobi charged forwards, its every motion silent. The first katana slashed downwards, glancing off the metal frame of Guardian. Flames spat at Lucas, singing him. “OW!” Lucas screamed, in pain and shock, jumping back from Guardian.The Shinobi brought its second katana down, flames again lashing out at Lucas. He winced as the washed over his hand. “Gandiva… attack.” The horse archer shouted in response, raising its bow and firing. The arrows passed straight through Guardian, and Lucas swore as it struck his chest with a thud. He fell backwards, all the air in his body having be forced out in one blow. (Lucas 4000 – 1100). “Wha-what was th-that?” Lucas asked in between coughs. The Assassin giggled, a horrid imitation of a child. [i]Now that’s just creepy. Especially because I have no idea what these assassins look like.[/i] “The mind has an effect on the body… if it thinks you were hit by an arrow… it simulates it… My duel disk contains enhancer… the brains response is increased relative to remaining life points… Life points hitting zero will result in braindeath…” Lucas struggled back to his feet, his chest felt like it had caved in. “So your telling me I would die without taking a scratch?” The assassin nodded slowly, revelling in Lucas’s pain. He began laughing, despite the pain. “Thanks for the information… Useful to know in case I get out of this. I’ve noticed that people are really stupid about information. Makes my job easier.” Lucas finished standing and flexed his arms. “Not when you will die shortly…” The Assassin said, setting another card face down. Her voice had changed, a hint of annoyance emerging. It seemed more human, [i]Probably expects me to be crying.[/i] “I’ll draw, set a card, and switch my Infernity Guardian to defence mode.” The flames inside the horseshoe grew more intense, forming a crimson wall in front of its opponents. It was all Lucas could do. He scanned the Data Screen, spying the card he needed. [i]Apparently that will get this Synchro chain started.[/i] “Turn start… Activate [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Solidarity"]Solidarity[/url]… Only one type of monster in my grave… All my monsters gain 800 attack… Turn end…” (Gandiva 2100-[b]2900[/b]) (Blade Armour Ninja 2200-[b]3000[/b]) Currently, that was all either player could do. Guardian was an immovable shield. “I’ll draw. And then I summon [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Infernity_Mirage"]Infernity Mirage[/url]. ([b]0[/b]/0)” A fiendish witch doctor rose next Guardian, crimson hair standing on end. “And then, I think I can tribute Mirage to special summon two Infernity monsters in my grave. I choose Infernity Avenger, and Infernity Necromancer.” Mirage burst apart into shadows. Ghostly cackles echoed through the room, and the shadows pulled darker shadows towards them. A blue robed skeleton, and a stunted demonic dual pistol wielding cowboy began to form. “Gandiva effects activates… Overlay unit detached… Special summon of level four or lower monster is negated.” One of the circling lights was absorbed by the horse rider, forming a glowing arrow. It fired, splitting into two. The Infernity monsters screamed as the arrows pierced them, disintegrating them into lights. “OH. YOU…” Lucas stopped himself, chest hurting again. He needed calm thoughts to get out of this. He sighed, the only move he could make had been cut out. [i]So my next special summoning will be cancelled, but then I have a free reign.[/i] “I end my turn…” [i]This is getting annoying.[/i] The Assassin simply drew, and set a card. There wasn’t much else for it to do, Guardian still holding it off. “I guess I draw again.” Lucas smiled as he drew. [i]Perfect. I think.[/i] “Since I drew [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Infernity_Archfiend"]Infernity Avenger[/url], and it’s the only card in my hand, I get to special summon it.” Blue flames began to burn in front of Infernity Guardian, heralding the birth of a black robed, crimson haired deamon. ([b]1800[/b]/1200). “Gandiva will spear it…” The horse archer fired another arrow, a perfect shot into the heart. and Archfiend burst apart into pixels. “Archfiend’s effect activates. Since it got special summoned when I had an empty hand, I get to search for any Infernity card.” Lucas deck obediently slid out of the machine. [i]So, time to see if this synchro loop works.[/i] “I pick [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Infernity_Beetle"]Infernity Beetle[/url], which I then summon.” A football sized black dual horned beetle burst from the wall, wings buzzing.([b]1200[/b]/0).” Then I tribute one beetle to summon two more from my deck.” The beetle exploded into shadows, which fused together into two identical copies of itself. “They won’t help you… Not against what is coming… Nothing will…” The Assassin jumped down from the desk, landing with an inhuman grace. “I’ll take my chances. Well, the obvious thing to do now is to synchro summon apparently. So, I guess that’s what I do.” One of the beetles broke apart into green rings, and Infernity guardian rose into the rings. A lance of green light fired forth, and a new monster was born. A white dragon, wings of pure ice flew in through the ceiling, the solid object no obstacle to a hologram. [i]So mine are holograms, and hers are basically real… My day keeps getting better.[/i] Its long snake like body wrapping around Lucas, settling on the floor. [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Brionac,_Dragon_of_the_Ice_Barrier"]“Brionac, Dragon of the Ice Barrier.[/url] ([b]2300[/b]/1400).” The dragon roared as its name was called, happy to serve its master. “It won’t be there long… Face down, [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Torrential_Tribute"]Torrential tribute[/url]… All monsters are destroyed…” “I’ll use my face down, [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Infernity_Barrier"]Infernity Barrier[/url]. Since I have an empty hand, and an Infernity monster, your card is negated.” The two face downs flipped up, and the Assassins crackled with red electricity before exploding. “… You lied… You have played this game…” She said, his gaze less stare burrowing into Lucas’s heart. “Ok… you got me.” Lucas started smirking. “A couple of times yeah, I was just a bit rusty. Overconfidence. People mess up more when then think they are in charge. So I used that against you. Never judge a book by its cover. So, time to kick things off properly. I’ll tune Brionac with my last beetle, say hello to [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Hundred_Eyes_Dragon"]Hundred Eyes Dragon[/url]. ([b]3000[/b]/2500)” Another set of green rings appeared, and Brionac wings beat, pulling its mass into rings. Another flash of light, and Brionac vanished. In its place, was a dragon of darker nature. Black leathery hide, and borne aloft by bat like wings, the new dragon flew to the ground, landing with a thud. An eye on its shoulder opened. Then another. Then another. Slowly, a hundred eyes opened. The Dragon roared, the sound more sickly than the gentle roar of Brionac. [i]Impressive. So he tricked her, eh, it. Of course, I hate Infernities so I’m biased and I hope he loses. Except not really.[/i] “Now, Hundred Eye Dragon, attack Heroic Champion Gandiva.” Each eye on the dragon began to glow red. The dragon roared, sweeping its head back. The Horse reared up in fright, and the Dragon lowered its head to point at Gandiva. A beam of Crimson energy burst forth from each eye, spearing horse and rider with a scream. (Assassin 4000-3900). “And now, time to let the synchros roll on out. I use the effect of Hundred Eyes Dragon. I get to copy a level 6 or lower dark monsters effect by banishing it. I’ll banish Infernity Necromancer. And now my Dragon will resurrect Infernity Archfiend.” The Silhouette of the blue robbed skeleton rose in front of the Dragon cackling, before being sucked into the dragon. Shadows spread from the dragon, digging into the ground, and pulling the previously destroyed crimson haired deamon back to the field. “And since I have an empty hand, and it got special summoned, I can search for an Infernity card. I’ll pick and activate I[url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Infernity_Launcher"]nfernity Launcher.[/url]” In a whirl of lights a cannon, around the size of a mini cooper, formed behind Lucas. Gears ground and the cannon barrel slowly rose upwards, until it settled, pointing directly at the assassin. “You have no hope of damaging me…” She said, the crystalline blade sliding out of the duel disk. “Not the point. Launcher lets me sends itself to the grave as my hand is empty, and then I can special summon two Infernity monsters from my grave. I’ll go twin beetles. And then I’ll tune my Beetle with Avenger to make [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Gravity_Warrior"]Gravity Warrior[/url], and then tune again for [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Infernity_Doom_Dragon"]Infernity Doom Dragon[/url]. ([b]3000[/b]/2400).” Red light filled the gloomy cannon barrel, before with an almighty boom, the two dual horned beetles fired out of the cannon. The cannon detonated behind them, barrel splitting down the middle by the force. Archfiend rose to intercept the beetles flight, and the three monsters combined in an explosion of shadows. Twin red eyes opened amidst the shadows, claws flexing, testing its new life. Leathery wings flexed, supporting the demonic bulk. It let out a low glow, slowly coming to rest on the ground next to its kin. “Now, Infernity Doom Dragon. I will use your effect. I destroy a monster you control, and burn you for half its attack.” Streams of darkness leaked from the dragon, crawling towards the shinobi. Tentatively they wrapped around the shinobi, constricting it. The Shinobi grunted, and the shadows tightened further, splitting its armour. One more grunt followed, before the shinobi detonated, raining shards of armour on the Assassin. (Assassin 3900-2400). “Looks like I’ve won doesn’t it?” Lucas said, smiling at the turn of fortune. The assassin simply giggled. Lucas looked at the field, and realized his mistake. No traps. Nothing to protect him. [i]Overconfidence… s***.[/i] “Turn start… Activate [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Monster_Reborn"]Monster Reborn[/url]… Spartas resurrects… Summon [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Heroic_Challenger_Extra_Sword"]Heroic Challenger Extra Sword[/url]. ([b]1000[/b]/1000).” The Greek warrior rose from the ground, followed by a dual sword wielding green armoured knight. “Overlay level 4… [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Heroic_Champion_-_Excalibur"]Heroic Champion-Excalibur[/url]. ([b]2000[/b]/2000).” For the third time, a red spiral opened, and the Heroic Challengers entered. A king amongst warriors rose. A glittering, phoenix hilted longsword, the length of Lucas held effortlessly in one hand. Armour stained crimson from the blood of its enemies, it was worthy of wielding Excalibur itself. “Solidarity activates… Extra sword gives it an additional 1000 attack…” A second blade appeared in its hand, and the warrior raised both weapons in a war cry. (Excalibur 2000-[b]3800[/b]) The twin dragons on Lucas’s field back away, fearful of its strength. “Not enough to take me down yet.” Lucas said, brave where his creatures were not. Life or death situations were almost normal. “Excalibur detaches both materials… Original attack is doubled…” The hilt of the blade began to glow. Flames began to ripple along the side of the blade. (Excalibur 3800-[b]5800[/b]). Lucas staggered backwards. The anchor binding both duellists together drew tight, and he was pulled to the floor. At his knees before the mighty warrior. “You fell victim to your own strategy…” She walked over to Lucas, crystalline blade drawn. Her monster did the same towards Doom Dragon, pinning the beast to the ground. “Pathetic.” Two blades raised, and for a moment, there was silence. Then a gunshot. And another. The Assassin’s limp body cluttered to the floor, twin bullet holes in its chest. Lucas exhaled in relief, dropping his pistol. [i]Overconfidence…[/i] He had picked it up whilst backing away, and used the stumble to get the assassin at point blank range. Lucas stood up, and his side flared in pain. [i]Hospital after I’m done here.[/i] [i]So he’s still alive. He lost the duel but shot (and I’m assuming only damaged) the assassin.[/i] A beep caught Lucas’s attention. He spun looking at the Assassins body. A red light was flashing on the wrist device. It began to glow. [i]Oh.[/i] Lucas turned, and sprinted out of the room. A rush of air behind him was followed by tremendous heat. Lucas neared a window, and a shockwave threw him out of it, screaming. His jacket ignited. He struck the ground, and rolled, trying to kill the flames. He rolled down the hill, carried by gravity away from the villa. An explosion rang through the villa, shattering every window. Flames billowed out of the frames, stripping the plain white paint away. An inferno that consumed the building, and all traces of the nights events whole. Lucas found himself at the at the bottom of the hill the villa was sat on. He rolled onto his back. Spotting something in the corner of his eye. A body. Lucas jumped back, screaming as he did so. He slowly rolled the body over, and was staring into the lifeless eyes of Michelle Rochdale. She was cold, dead before Lucas had arrived. [i]So I was talking to one of those things... Which means, I have someone to find.[/i] [i]This part confused me. What did you mean by that?[/i] … Darkness. It was back again. This new room was different. It felt larger. But Dimitri knew he wasn’t alone. Footsteps in the dark. A spotlight flashed, and a familiar piece of equipment was illuminated. A duel disk. Dimitri walked slowly, remembering the stadium. [i]My night. A psychological battle.[/i] He stepped into the light, and his duel disk immediately attached itself to Dmitri’s arm. Wires lead from the duel disk to the ground, and Dimitri grunted feeling several pins pierce his skin. A second spotlight flashed, and the faceless woman stood in it. “[b]Duel Test Alpha commencing. Subject Dimitri VS Agent Magnus.[/b]” Said a computerized voice, the sound coming from all four corners of the room. [i]So I am a test subject… No I will not have it. [/i] “I am Dimitri Vevelosky. And whatever you are doing, I shall not be a part of it.” The moment the words left his lips, pain enveloped his senses. Electricity coursed through him from the wires, and his screams rang on hollow ears. “[b]Duel test commencing. Failure to comply will result in termination.[/b]” Dimitri was alone amongst the monsters. His every moment a torment. Darkness… It was all he longed for now. [/spoiler] Very well done. Another excellent chapter. You’ve got two different stories going on at once so I am slightly confused, but of course in-story confusion is a game I love to play and you’ve got some excellent characters/description going on here. Looking forward to the next Chapter for certain. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aerion Brightflame Posted July 25, 2012 Author Report Share Posted July 25, 2012 [quote name='- Neo -' timestamp='1343151932' post='5987736'] [spoiler='Chapter 2'] [i]Sigma Alpharius Private Villa. Half a mile east of Caliban. Date: Wednesday 18 July. Time: 6:05 pm.[/i] Lucas Foreman was a twenty two year old private eye. An average looking man, he’d been compared to Micheal Weston more than once. [i]Who?[/i] Industrial espionage, fraud, anything dirty a company needed doing, Lucas was the one to do it. But to the working world, and the tax man, he simply helped track down information. He had brought down companies with a single page of notes. And now he was meeting his next client. [i]He didn’t even have to use a pencil? I’m impressed. JUST the notes. This guy’s a protagonist for sure.[/i] He walked through the villa being slowly escorted by a privately hired security guard, company logo badly hidden on his lapel. He noticed the white bare walls, the plain tiling, and general lack of personal decorations. This wasn’t a home. This was a hideout, on top of a remote hill, far away from civilization. [i]Hey, if he’s got couches and TV’s he can watch Burn Notice, we’re all good.[/i] The security guard in front of Lucas opened a set of plain wooden doors from the open, the kind of grand entrance normally reserved for lousy romance films. [i]Did you ever think maybe some of us love these films? Well, I don’t, but my ex-girlfriend certainly did.[/i] The type where someone would burst in during the middle of the wedding. Never Lucas’s style. He slipped in quietly behind, spying yet another plain room, an polished oak desk at the centre, behind which sat the acting CEO of Sigma Alpharius, busy signing forms. A woman by the name of Michelle Rochdale. [i]She’s the CEO, a billionaire presumably, and she’s relegated to signing papers? Or is that actually just how easy the job is? If so, fax me over an application cause I’m in a rut.[/i] “Mr Foreman is it?” She asked, looking up from the desk. Smartly dressed, plain looking, she had an aura of confidence around her. “That’s me. And you are hiding from something.” Lucas said, eyes quickly taking in his surroundings. Michelle looked flustered. Lucas was on the right track. “And what makes you say that? This is my home.” Lucas stopped her there, cutting in masterfully. “That’s hard to believe. No personal decorations, not even on your desk. There’s a layer of dust on everything, and from the pristine condition you keep that desk in, I would expect not a scrap of dust around here. Should I carry on?” Lucas asked, taking a seat in one of the leather chairs opposite Rochdale. [i]He didn’t even stop to see if she had an appointment fee.[/i] “Your reputation precedes you.” She scanned a form on her desk, before handing it over to Lucas. “Confidentiality agreement. Before I say another word, you have to sign this.” Lucas flicked through the form, everything seeming normal. He always checked the fine print. He signed the form and tossed it back onto the desk. Michelle opened her mouth to speak, but was cut off yet again. “You want me to investigate what made your company’s headquarters go boom, and if you are in any risk. After all, why would someone go to the expense of hiring a private security team and relocating to an obscure villa if they weren’t in danger?” Again Michelle was flustered, and Lucas smirked. His eyes flicked to the window on the right, catching a glimpse of sudden movement. Whatever it was it had disappeared. [i]I wonder if Vanessa is back.[/i] “Why yes. If that’s not beyond a man of your talents. I will pay you a considerable sum of money. We have reason to believe that the attack on our headquarters was a deliberate attempt at assassination. Security reports the building went into lockdown due to an assault on the CEO’s office.” Lucas spotted another burst of movement in the window to the left this time. [i]All the poor woman is doing is signing papers, and she has to live in fear. This truly is a tragedy.[/i] “Why do you think you are being targeted? From the sound of that, your company is, but why you specifically?” Lucas asked, eyes watching the windows. “Because over the past four weeks, every other executive of the company has been killed. I’m the only one left. Someone is specifically targeting us.” “Anyone who have a grudge against you?” “We are a Global corporation. Of course there are. But of people who do wouldn’t be able to do this. This is professional. There are never any traces left behind but the body. I need someone to confirm this. And I will not leave here. They can’t know where I am, or…” “I’m nighty per cent certain they do, since I can almost guarantee every member of security outside this room is dead.” Lucas stood, and his hand rushed to the gun concealed at his waist. “How? They were the best money could buy… I mean surely we would have heard-“ Something shattered in the distance. A vase, a piece of glass, it didn’t matter. “Blood splatter on both windows. Obviously the snipers you installed to watch over the courtyard have been killed.” Rochdale looked at the windows, spying the stain in question, the setting sunlight casting shadows across the room. Rochdale scrabbled though the desk draws searching for something. [i]That entire paragraph was a f***ing excellent piece of storytelling. So, so good.[/i] “I already have a gun. And since it hasn’t broken in through the windows, they are evidently too small for it to get in through.” He disengaged the safety. “I’m not looking for a gun.” She was panicking, understandable given the circumstances. “Guns won’t help against these things.” [i]SPIDERS! SPIDERS! SPIDERS! Clearly I need to watch less Spongebob and focus more on this review, eh?[/i] “What things?” Lucas turned his head to look at her. Gunshots fired, followed by screaming. Death screams. “I don’t know. All I know, is that the only thing that can stop them is this.” She pulled out a square of metal, gaps in it suggesting it was meant to unfold. There was a large red button on the side, the word start written in bold. “What the hell is it?” Another scream followed, closer this time. Something crashed into the door, causing it to buckle and split. “I don’t know. I was just told that pressing this button would save me.” “That’s helpful. Give it here.” Lucas lowered the gun and took the device, and as he did so, the doors blew open. A faceless woman was standing there, a white crystal blade stained with blood on her left hand. Her head cocked to the left, scanning the room. Her gaze lingered on Rochdale, who began to break down. Lucas raised the gun again, but the woman had moved already, vaulting over the desk, and pinning Rochdale down. The gun span out of Lucas’s hand, kicked during the woman’s move. [i]Impossible.[/i] [i]Vanessa’s back. She doesn’t like people who sign papers. Some sort of childhood fear of papercuts. This is a story people.[/i] “PRESS THE BUTTON.” Rochdale screamed. Lucas slammed his palm onto the button, and a wave of light fired from the device, creating a circle a few feet in radius. A voice declared. “Duel-mode engaging.” The device unfolded, latching onto Lucas’s wrist, and creating ten rectangular slots in two rows of five. A set of cards was in a container, and he recognized the brand. [i]Yu-gi-oh!...[/i] [i]crap.[/i] He saw a similar device on the assassins arm, part of the arm itself, and she back flipped onto the desk. [i]I’m guessing Lucas isn’t actually a Duelist. This should be interesting.[/i] “That’s just showing off.” Lucas said. Rochdale started laughing, and got up. “Thank you. You’ve saved my life.” She said, her breaths shallow. She was tidying her appearance. “Now, you’re going to duel this thing, and I’m going to run away.” She walked past the assassin, who stared at her as she was walking, head cocked to the left. “Or I could just follow you?” She shook her head. “The device you used contains a duel anchor. When used no one can move more than ten feet away from their opponent. And thankfully whoever made these assassins made it so that if engaged in a duel, they must duel to the end. The amount of company members it took to find that bit out…” She kept laughing, and walked through the broken wreckage of the door. “Good luck!” She shouted before literally running off. “HEY. Don’t leave me here with this thing. I don’t want to die!” Lucas screamed at her, turning his back on the Assassin. “Rather you than me!” She shouted, and Lucas heard a door slam. [i]Just great…[/i] Lucas turned to the assassin. [i]I mean, who is going to sign the papers now?![/i] “Well… this is awkward.” Lucas said. “Duel commenced… Starting hand drawn… Proceed in likewise manner…” The chilling voice of the assassin said. Lucas noted she hand 5 cards in her hand. Lucas drew five. “Look. I have never played this kids game before, I’ve only watched a couple of matches.” [i]And now for some reason I guess my life depends on it.[/i] Lucas knew it was a pointless thing to say. “Irrelevant… Duel will commence… Turn start…” The assassin drew a sixth card. [i]I’m beginning to wonder if this assassin is actually a different one than the one we saw in the first episode. Only because of the fact that you seemed to portray Vanessa as somewhat of a leader, whereas this one feels somewhat generic.[/i] “Summon… [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Marauding_Captain"]Marauding Captain[/url] ([b]1200[/b]/400)… Effect activate… Special Summon [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Koa%27ki_Meiru_Bergzak"]Koa’ki Meiru Bergzak[/url] ([b]2000[/b]/200)” Two warriors appeared, one a knight in battered steel armour, and the a blue skinned body builder from the looks of it armed with twin sword. The second one roared, and Lucas jumped back in fear. “Umm. Question? Is there any way I can look at how to play this game?” Lucas asked, noticing a red energy rope connecting the two duel disks. [i]That must be the reason I can’t run. This thing is connected into my arm, and this rope will keep me from moving away whilst my arm is attached to my body… Where’s a knife when I need one.[/i] “Consult data screen… set card… reveal [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Heroic_Challenger_Double_Lance"]Heroic Challenger Double Lance[/url]… Bergzak doesn’t self-destruct…” Lucas pressed a button on his duel disk, and a holographic screen lit up. It listed everything he needed to know, rules, monster effects, suggested ways to use them. It was a start. He immediately went to the basic rules section, scanning through it as quickly as he could. “umm… So I draw a card.” Lucas drew, looking at his hand. A nice spread of cards. [i]A monster might be a good place to start… That’s another thing I do know.[/i] “And then I summon [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Infernity_Necromancer"]Infernity Necromancer[/url]. Who I think gets switched to defence mode.(0/[b]2000[/b])” A blue robed skeleton appeared, arms crossing over in a defensive stance. [i]So now he can’t destroy my monster with his Bergzak.[/i] “Trap card… [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Final_Attack_Orders"]Final Attack Orders[/url]… All monsters must be in attack mode…” The trap flipped, and necromancer stood, now open to assault. “Oh…” Lucas looked at his hand again. “I guess I set a card.” Lucas saw the name Infernity throughout all his monsters. [i]So it’s an archetype then. Which means they must have a common aim.[/i] He looked it up. [b]Gain effects for having no cards in the hand. Most commonly aim towards performing multiple high level synchro summons in one turn.[/b] [b]This loop is commonly…[/b] Lucas read it quickly. [i]This must have been her deck… Since she had a habit for discarding others around her.[/i] He rescanned his hand. [i]Brilliant. I quite like that, even if it’s just a small detail. Damn, you’re extremely good at this.[/i] “I’ll set one more, and it’s your turn.” “Turn start… Summon Heroic Challenger Double Lance. ([b]1700[/b]/900). Effect special summons second from deck.” A white armoured knight, phoenix emblem at its chest, and wielding a silver lance in either hand appeared next to the other two warriors, followed by an identical one on the opposite side. “Overlay level four… Xyz summon [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Heroic_Champion_-_Gandiva"]Heroic Champion - Gandiva[/url]… ([b]2100[/b]/1800).” The two new arrivals broke apart into a brown light, which descended into a spiral portal. A man roared, and the sound of galloping hooves on a tiled floor rang through the house. A horse archer burst through the doorway, fragments of the already ruined doorway flying everywhere. Lucas ducked as a piece of the frame soared towards his head. It clattered onto the desk, where the assassin simply kicked it away. “Bergzak attack…” The twin sword wielding body builder charged towards the helpless necromancer. “Umm. I think I can do this. I activate [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Raigeki_Break"]Rageki Break[/url]. I discard a card, and destroy your Bergzak.” Lightning streaked from ceiling lights, coursing through the body builder, shattering him into pixels. “Gandiva… Attack…” The horse archer fired a single burning arrow through Necromancer, spearing towards Lucas. “I think I can also do this. I play [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Hallowed_Life_Barrier"]Hallowed Life Barrier[/url], I discard another card, and I get to prevent all damage this turn. I think.” Three robed women appeared, in front of the arrow, the enchantments on their robes reflecting the arrow away. It stuck the wall with a dull thunk, causing Lucas to jump. [i]Ok. I do not want to get hit by one of those.[/i] “What exactly are you? I mean, why would an assassin play a kids card game?” She simply stared. “Purpose… is beyond your understanding… all things have a place… Much like this card…” She set another card. [i]Interesting. I think I like Lucas’ character. I’m not sure if I do. I hate the Lawyer type, but if he ends becoming an anti-hero of sorts, I’ll be so soupt.[/i] “So, you are a very skilled Assassin who likes kids games and talks in riddles? It’s like talking to my ex all over again.” Lucas said, laughing to himself. [i]Humour, that always makes the life or death situations less tense.[/i] [i]See, I like these quips. I like that he’s somewhat of a Kaiba-esque character, albeit less badass.[/i] “So, I think I draw. And then I think I’ll summon [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Infernity_Guardian"]Infernity Guardian[/url]. (1200/1700).” A spiked horseshoe complete with a floating, burning skull in the middle of it rose from the ground. “Umm, then I activate [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Mystical_Space_Typhoon"]Mystical Space Typhoon[/url]. So, I destroy your Final Attack Orders.” A wall of wind wrapped around the card, breaking it down into pixels. The neatly stacked piles of files were tossed around the office. “And now since I have an empty hand, my guardian becomes immune to destruction apparently. I guess I’ll test that. Guardian, go attack the Captain.” With a cackle, the skull leaped forth from the horse shoe, tail of flames behind it. The captain slashed down at it as it neared, but to no effect. With a crack of splintering ribs the skull struck Marauding Captain in the chest, and it two vanished into pixels. “So… that’s me done.” Lucas said, pleased with his effort. The Assassin simply laughed, the sound haunting. “The pain begins now…” All hope seemed to drain from Lucas’s world with the simple action of drawing a card. … Darkness. [i]Light. Oh, my bad, I got distracted and thought we were playing a game.[/i] That’s all Dimitri knew. His companion. His tormentor. His torturer. The chains on his wrists were heavy, every movement a struggle. No noise save for his efforts. No sights save for the murky blackness. He struggled to his feet, tempted exploring the limits of his now tiny world. The sharp screech of metal grinding on metal was followed by a cascade of light. Dimitri closed his eyes, the light burning. The same voice that had haunted his dreams for a year spoke slowly. “You will follow…” Dimitri followed It was back again. The Assassin. The faceless shape shifter responsible for all of the chaos. Dimitri had lost track of time, it could have been minutes, or hours. The darkness of the cell was gone, and now he experienced the opposite. Blinding white light, white walls, white tiles. A corridor, leading to somewhere unknown. The Assassin never looked back, knowing it had Dimitri following no matter what. Its words still haunted him. [i]Come with me, or they will die.[/i] The hiss of pistons moving, and the grinding of gears filled Dimitri’s ears. He looked up, and a wall was sliding in half. Inside, yet more Darkness. The Assassin gestured for him to enter. Dimitri’s head lowered again, and he stumbled forwards one step at a time. [i]Darkness…[/i] … [i]This is where I’m confused. Are these two plot points happening at the same time? If so, are there two different assassins as well?[/i] “Face down… [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Call_of_the_Haunted"]Call of the Haunted[/url]… Extra sword resurrects… Summon [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Heroic_Challenger_Spartas"]Heroic Challenger Spartas[/url]… ([b]1600[/b]/1000)” The double lanced warrior rose once again, joined by a new warrior, armour in the style of the ancient Greeks, wielding shield and spear. “Overlay… Level 4… [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Blade_Armor_Ninja"]Blade Armour Ninja[/url]… strike. (2200/1000)” Spartas and Double Lance burst apart into a brown light, and descended into a red spiral. With a shout, an armoured shinobi rose from the portal. Twin katana glittering in the dying light from the windows. Silently it stepped on the floor, katana raised. “Detach overlay unit… Blade attacks twice…” The shinobi charged forwards, its every motion silent. The first katana slashed downwards, glancing off the metal frame of Guardian. Flames spat at Lucas, singing him. “OW!” Lucas screamed, in pain and shock, jumping back from Guardian.The Shinobi brought its second katana down, flames again lashing out at Lucas. He winced as the washed over his hand. “Gandiva… attack.” The horse archer shouted in response, raising its bow and firing. The arrows passed straight through Guardian, and Lucas swore as it struck his chest with a thud. He fell backwards, all the air in his body having be forced out in one blow. (Lucas 4000 – 1100). “Wha-what was th-that?” Lucas asked in between coughs. The Assassin giggled, a horrid imitation of a child. [i]Now that’s just creepy. Especially because I have no idea what these assassins look like.[/i] “The mind has an effect on the body… if it thinks you were hit by an arrow… it simulates it… My duel disk contains enhancer… the brains response is increased relative to remaining life points… Life points hitting zero will result in braindeath…” Lucas struggled back to his feet, his chest felt like it had caved in. “So your telling me I would die without taking a scratch?” The assassin nodded slowly, revelling in Lucas’s pain. He began laughing, despite the pain. “Thanks for the information… Useful to know in case I get out of this. I’ve noticed that people are really stupid about information. Makes my job easier.” Lucas finished standing and flexed his arms. “Not when you will die shortly…” The Assassin said, setting another card face down. Her voice had changed, a hint of annoyance emerging. It seemed more human, [i]Probably expects me to be crying.[/i] “I’ll draw, set a card, and switch my Infernity Guardian to defence mode.” The flames inside the horseshoe grew more intense, forming a crimson wall in front of its opponents. It was all Lucas could do. He scanned the Data Screen, spying the card he needed. [i]Apparently that will get this Synchro chain started.[/i] “Turn start… Activate [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Solidarity"]Solidarity[/url]… Only one type of monster in my grave… All my monsters gain 800 attack… Turn end…” (Gandiva 2100-[b]2900[/b]) (Blade Armour Ninja 2200-[b]3000[/b]) Currently, that was all either player could do. Guardian was an immovable shield. “I’ll draw. And then I summon [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Infernity_Mirage"]Infernity Mirage[/url]. ([b]0[/b]/0)” A fiendish witch doctor rose next Guardian, crimson hair standing on end. “And then, I think I can tribute Mirage to special summon two Infernity monsters in my grave. I choose Infernity Avenger, and Infernity Necromancer.” Mirage burst apart into shadows. Ghostly cackles echoed through the room, and the shadows pulled darker shadows towards them. A blue robed skeleton, and a stunted demonic dual pistol wielding cowboy began to form. “Gandiva effects activates… Overlay unit detached… Special summon of level four or lower monster is negated.” One of the circling lights was absorbed by the horse rider, forming a glowing arrow. It fired, splitting into two. The Infernity monsters screamed as the arrows pierced them, disintegrating them into lights. “OH. YOU…” Lucas stopped himself, chest hurting again. He needed calm thoughts to get out of this. He sighed, the only move he could make had been cut out. [i]So my next special summoning will be cancelled, but then I have a free reign.[/i] “I end my turn…” [i]This is getting annoying.[/i] The Assassin simply drew, and set a card. There wasn’t much else for it to do, Guardian still holding it off. “I guess I draw again.” Lucas smiled as he drew. [i]Perfect. I think.[/i] “Since I drew [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Infernity_Archfiend"]Infernity Avenger[/url], and it’s the only card in my hand, I get to special summon it.” Blue flames began to burn in front of Infernity Guardian, heralding the birth of a black robed, crimson haired deamon. ([b]1800[/b]/1200). “Gandiva will spear it…” The horse archer fired another arrow, a perfect shot into the heart. and Archfiend burst apart into pixels. “Archfiend’s effect activates. Since it got special summoned when I had an empty hand, I get to search for any Infernity card.” Lucas deck obediently slid out of the machine. [i]So, time to see if this synchro loop works.[/i] “I pick [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Infernity_Beetle"]Infernity Beetle[/url], which I then summon.” A football sized black dual horned beetle burst from the wall, wings buzzing.([b]1200[/b]/0).” Then I tribute one beetle to summon two more from my deck.” The beetle exploded into shadows, which fused together into two identical copies of itself. “They won’t help you… Not against what is coming… Nothing will…” The Assassin jumped down from the desk, landing with an inhuman grace. “I’ll take my chances. Well, the obvious thing to do now is to synchro summon apparently. So, I guess that’s what I do.” One of the beetles broke apart into green rings, and Infernity guardian rose into the rings. A lance of green light fired forth, and a new monster was born. A white dragon, wings of pure ice flew in through the ceiling, the solid object no obstacle to a hologram. [i]So mine are holograms, and hers are basically real… My day keeps getting better.[/i] Its long snake like body wrapping around Lucas, settling on the floor. [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Brionac,_Dragon_of_the_Ice_Barrier"]“Brionac, Dragon of the Ice Barrier.[/url] ([b]2300[/b]/1400).” The dragon roared as its name was called, happy to serve its master. “It won’t be there long… Face down, [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Torrential_Tribute"]Torrential tribute[/url]… All monsters are destroyed…” “I’ll use my face down, [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Infernity_Barrier"]Infernity Barrier[/url]. Since I have an empty hand, and an Infernity monster, your card is negated.” The two face downs flipped up, and the Assassins crackled with red electricity before exploding. “… You lied… You have played this game…” She said, his gaze less stare burrowing into Lucas’s heart. “Ok… you got me.” Lucas started smirking. “A couple of times yeah, I was just a bit rusty. Overconfidence. People mess up more when then think they are in charge. So I used that against you. Never judge a book by its cover. So, time to kick things off properly. I’ll tune Brionac with my last beetle, say hello to [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Hundred_Eyes_Dragon"]Hundred Eyes Dragon[/url]. ([b]3000[/b]/2500)” Another set of green rings appeared, and Brionac wings beat, pulling its mass into rings. Another flash of light, and Brionac vanished. In its place, was a dragon of darker nature. Black leathery hide, and borne aloft by bat like wings, the new dragon flew to the ground, landing with a thud. An eye on its shoulder opened. Then another. Then another. Slowly, a hundred eyes opened. The Dragon roared, the sound more sickly than the gentle roar of Brionac. [i]Impressive. So he tricked her, eh, it. Of course, I hate Infernities so I’m biased and I hope he loses. Except not really.[/i] “Now, Hundred Eye Dragon, attack Heroic Champion Gandiva.” Each eye on the dragon began to glow red. The dragon roared, sweeping its head back. The Horse reared up in fright, and the Dragon lowered its head to point at Gandiva. A beam of Crimson energy burst forth from each eye, spearing horse and rider with a scream. (Assassin 4000-3900). “And now, time to let the synchros roll on out. I use the effect of Hundred Eyes Dragon. I get to copy a level 6 or lower dark monsters effect by banishing it. I’ll banish Infernity Necromancer. And now my Dragon will resurrect Infernity Archfiend.” The Silhouette of the blue robbed skeleton rose in front of the Dragon cackling, before being sucked into the dragon. Shadows spread from the dragon, digging into the ground, and pulling the previously destroyed crimson haired deamon back to the field. “And since I have an empty hand, and it got special summoned, I can search for an Infernity card. I’ll pick and activate I[url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Infernity_Launcher"]nfernity Launcher.[/url]” In a whirl of lights a cannon, around the size of a mini cooper, formed behind Lucas. Gears ground and the cannon barrel slowly rose upwards, until it settled, pointing directly at the assassin. “You have no hope of damaging me…” She said, the crystalline blade sliding out of the duel disk. “Not the point. Launcher lets me sends itself to the grave as my hand is empty, and then I can special summon two Infernity monsters from my grave. I’ll go twin beetles. And then I’ll tune my Beetle with Avenger to make [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Gravity_Warrior"]Gravity Warrior[/url], and then tune again for [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Infernity_Doom_Dragon"]Infernity Doom Dragon[/url]. ([b]3000[/b]/2400).” Red light filled the gloomy cannon barrel, before with an almighty boom, the two dual horned beetles fired out of the cannon. The cannon detonated behind them, barrel splitting down the middle by the force. Archfiend rose to intercept the beetles flight, and the three monsters combined in an explosion of shadows. Twin red eyes opened amidst the shadows, claws flexing, testing its new life. Leathery wings flexed, supporting the demonic bulk. It let out a low glow, slowly coming to rest on the ground next to its kin. “Now, Infernity Doom Dragon. I will use your effect. I destroy a monster you control, and burn you for half its attack.” Streams of darkness leaked from the dragon, crawling towards the shinobi. Tentatively they wrapped around the shinobi, constricting it. The Shinobi grunted, and the shadows tightened further, splitting its armour. One more grunt followed, before the shinobi detonated, raining shards of armour on the Assassin. (Assassin 3900-2400). “Looks like I’ve won doesn’t it?” Lucas said, smiling at the turn of fortune. The assassin simply giggled. Lucas looked at the field, and realized his mistake. No traps. Nothing to protect him. [i]Overconfidence… s***.[/i] “Turn start… Activate [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Monster_Reborn"]Monster Reborn[/url]… Spartas resurrects… Summon [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Heroic_Challenger_Extra_Sword"]Heroic Challenger Extra Sword[/url]. ([b]1000[/b]/1000).” The Greek warrior rose from the ground, followed by a dual sword wielding green armoured knight. “Overlay level 4… [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Heroic_Champion_-_Excalibur"]Heroic Champion-Excalibur[/url]. ([b]2000[/b]/2000).” For the third time, a red spiral opened, and the Heroic Challengers entered. A king amongst warriors rose. A glittering, phoenix hilted longsword, the length of Lucas held effortlessly in one hand. Armour stained crimson from the blood of its enemies, it was worthy of wielding Excalibur itself. “Solidarity activates… Extra sword gives it an additional 1000 attack…” A second blade appeared in its hand, and the warrior raised both weapons in a war cry. (Excalibur 2000-[b]3800[/b]) The twin dragons on Lucas’s field back away, fearful of its strength. “Not enough to take me down yet.” Lucas said, brave where his creatures were not. Life or death situations were almost normal. “Excalibur detaches both materials… Original attack is doubled…” The hilt of the blade began to glow. Flames began to ripple along the side of the blade. (Excalibur 3800-[b]5800[/b]). Lucas staggered backwards. The anchor binding both duellists together drew tight, and he was pulled to the floor. At his knees before the mighty warrior. “You fell victim to your own strategy…” She walked over to Lucas, crystalline blade drawn. Her monster did the same towards Doom Dragon, pinning the beast to the ground. “Pathetic.” Two blades raised, and for a moment, there was silence. Then a gunshot. And another. The Assassin’s limp body cluttered to the floor, twin bullet holes in its chest. Lucas exhaled in relief, dropping his pistol. [i]Overconfidence…[/i] He had picked it up whilst backing away, and used the stumble to get the assassin at point blank range. Lucas stood up, and his side flared in pain. [i]Hospital after I’m done here.[/i] [i]So he’s still alive. He lost the duel but shot (and I’m assuming only damaged) the assassin.[/i] A beep caught Lucas’s attention. He spun looking at the Assassins body. A red light was flashing on the wrist device. It began to glow. [i]Oh.[/i] Lucas turned, and sprinted out of the room. A rush of air behind him was followed by tremendous heat. Lucas neared a window, and a shockwave threw him out of it, screaming. His jacket ignited. He struck the ground, and rolled, trying to kill the flames. He rolled down the hill, carried by gravity away from the villa. An explosion rang through the villa, shattering every window. Flames billowed out of the frames, stripping the plain white paint away. An inferno that consumed the building, and all traces of the nights events whole. Lucas found himself at the at the bottom of the hill the villa was sat on. He rolled onto his back. Spotting something in the corner of his eye. A body. Lucas jumped back, screaming as he did so. He slowly rolled the body over, and was staring into the lifeless eyes of Michelle Rochdale. She was cold, dead before Lucas had arrived. [i]So I was talking to one of those things... Which means, I have someone to find.[/i] [i]This part confused me. What did you mean by that?[/i] … Darkness. It was back again. This new room was different. It felt larger. But Dimitri knew he wasn’t alone. Footsteps in the dark. A spotlight flashed, and a familiar piece of equipment was illuminated. A duel disk. Dimitri walked slowly, remembering the stadium. [i]My night. A psychological battle.[/i] He stepped into the light, and his duel disk immediately attached itself to Dmitri’s arm. Wires lead from the duel disk to the ground, and Dimitri grunted feeling several pins pierce his skin. A second spotlight flashed, and the faceless woman stood in it. “[b]Duel Test Alpha commencing. Subject Dimitri VS Agent Magnus.[/b]” Said a computerized voice, the sound coming from all four corners of the room. [i]So I am a test subject… No I will not have it. [/i] “I am Dimitri Vevelosky. And whatever you are doing, I shall not be a part of it.” The moment the words left his lips, pain enveloped his senses. Electricity coursed through him from the wires, and his screams rang on hollow ears. “[b]Duel test commencing. Failure to comply will result in termination.[/b]” Dimitri was alone amongst the monsters. His every moment a torment. Darkness… It was all he longed for now. [/spoiler] Very well done. Another excellent chapter. You’ve got two different stories going on at once so I am slightly confused, but of course in-story confusion is a game I love to play and you’ve got some excellent characters/description going on here. Looking forward to the next Chapter for certain. [/quote] N Thank you very much for another reivew. Again, you have a very unique way of reviewing, and i find it so very funny. Lucas is going to be a biggish character, and your questions about Vanessa and about if there are multiple assassins will get answered partly with the next chapter. Speaking of the next chapter, i'm making decent progress with it, and should get it done quite quickly. If i push it, i may get it done tonight. I am thinking though i need to find a new beta reader, since i think my current one is on a break. Anyone have any suggestions for a beta reader? 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Aerion Brightflame Posted July 29, 2012 Author Report Share Posted July 29, 2012 After some hassles revloving around my beta reader not neccessaraly being on, i have finally gotten Chapter 3 ready, and to save me the hassle, i'll put it up early in the day instead of at about midnight. Enjoy [spoiler='Chapter 3'] [i]Thursday 19[sup]th[/sup] July. Foreman Household, Caliban City Centre . 8:33 AM. [/i] Lucas hadn’t slept. Why would he after nearly being killed twice, and being hired by a dead woman to investigate a bunch of card playing Assassins. He’d disappeared from the grounds of the villa as soon as the sirens began, fading into the night. He didn’t want to get caught in that situation, and explain the impossible reality. Immediately when he had arrived at his one bedroom apartment, he started researching. Computers held all the information he needed. In this age, almost any information could be found in your living room. He just needed to find Sigma Alpharius's computers. From there, the data could be traced outwards, and find out whatever he needed. His signature tag, latching onto an file, and following it throughout a system, exposing all files in the system with minimal effort. Lucas had worked for hours at his desk, and finally his efforts paid off. After reading through dozens of mundane reports, he found something more revealing. A hidden series of files, most of whom had been deleted with the destruction of the head office. Most. Lucas turned his attention to the three that remained. Project Omegon. [i]Journal Entry 8/39[/i] [i]First successful injection of substance 13-Beta. Injection of Enzymes in place of Gene codes has shown immediate improvements, 52% of subjects surviving initial injection compared to 28% shown in prior sample 12-alpha. Results of the injection are still awaiting test results. [/i] Lucas spotted an attachment, a chemical formula, far beyond what a GCSE in Chemistry could let him understand. He printed a copy of it, knowing at least a dozen people who could analyse and if needs must, replicate the substance. [i]Journal Entry 12/39 [/i] [i]Progress is minimal. The test subjects have shown little signs of the intended potential. Three have died the process disrupting normal bodily functions to lethal levels. This combined with a 50% mutation rate suggests the formula requires being taken back to molecular level. Batch 14-gamma euthanized. [/i] The file carried on for multiple pages, referencing subjects, numbers, and other information Lucas didn’t understand. It appeared to be a clinical trial of sorts, detailing a series of patients and their response to whatever substance they had been injected with. [i]At least, I guess so. From what that last one said, this obviously isn’t an approved trial. [/i]He moved to the next set of files, eyes drooping. [i]Journal Entry 24/39 Success has been made. The last batch of subjects have shown 80% increases to strength and agility. Mild signs of psychosis in one case. Observations will continue. At the current rate of success, the project will be finished on schedule.[/i] The phone rang, and Lucas jumped out of his armchair, falling backwards onto the floor. [i]I need a coffee. [/i]Lucas stood and dragged himself to the phone, wiping his eyes. He picked up the phone, and in a tone expected of someone who had been awake for thirty six hours, he answered simply with. “Hello?” The sound of heavy breathing dug into Lucas’s ear. “Hello?” “Mr Foreman…” The same chilling voice of the Assassin from the night before. “You’re dead. Or is this the second one of you. The one who pretended to be Michelle, and left me for dead.” The assassin chuckled. “That… is not your concern. I am phoning to warn you. You have attracted the attention of powerful people.” “I’ve dragged billionaires into the dirt. I’m not scared of so called power. Everyone has dirt I can use.” Lucas said, walking back to his desk and grabbing his pistol. “And yet… I can almost smell it. Fear. People stink of it recently.” Her every word made it seem as if she held humans in contempt. The way a man would talk about a mongrel dog. “Fine, here’s another thought for you, why the hell would I take advice from a psychopath? Since, you obviously have little emotions.” Lucas darted to the window, spying the street for anyone suspicious. It was empty. “If I wanted you dead... I would have killed you in the mansion.” Lucas spied the roof tops, nothing. The street was perfectly empty. “Splitting hairs. You left me to die. It practically the same.” The Assassin laughed again. “Have you noticed what’s wrong yet? I would have thought you’d have noticed it. And I had every faith in you living. You aren’t the only one who can research, I knew you would handle yourself in the duel..” Lucas went to windows on the other side. Again, nothing. “I have only duelled three times I my life. And all three of those I have lost. And what do you mean? There’s nothing wrong everything is-“ He stopped. It was obvious. There was nothing[i]… At rush hour on a weekday… There's no cars.. [/i] “Silence is the greatest trap. You have less than a minute to get out. If you do, meet me at Café Deluxueia.” The phone cut off. Silence. Lucas sprinted towards the door. A device beeped behind him. He rammed into the door, ripping it from the hinges. He’d always meant to replace the door. Pausing for a second to scan the road in front of him, he sprinted into the middle of the road. His flat detonated behind him, quickly becoming a engulfing fire ball. The explosion tossed Lucas onto the ground, flaming shards raining onto the street. [i]Twice in one day… Damn I wish I got house insurance.[/i] ... Lucas had taken an hour to get to Café Delxueia. It was two miles away, and he had to be careful not to be seen. He was meant to be dead now. The situation demanded subtlety. He was however, now both broke, and homeless, seeing as his mobile, credit cards, and wallet had all gone up in flames. And he doubted a dead man could call up the bank without getting noticed. Café Deluxeia was located the opposite side of the city centre, and a place for the social elite to visit. It was also a place where Lucas was on first name basis with the staff, nowhere better to find out who an important person is. And now, he was turning up in dirt stained, and slightly scorched clothes. [i]I won’t stand out at all…[/i] He entered, and Alex White-Run, a waiter there, and supposedly a duelling champion greeted him. “Lucas mate. Here for the usual?” He was annoying as hell, but had an talent for overhearing things. “No, I was supposed to meet someone here. Oh, how did that championship duel go? I didn’t have time to see.” “Oh, the Russian dude won. But… that explosion at Ashton caused some trouble. Russian dude went missing apparently.” Lucas looked around the café, a series of booths separated by wooden screens allowing for a degree of privacy in a public place. Most were empty, but in the fair corner, a woman was sat. She was pretty, the kind of looks that would draw all eyes in the room to her. Ash blonde hair, and wearing an plain white trench coat. She seemed distant, wrapped in her own world. But there was something more to her. Something that gave him chills. “Should I ask around for you Lucas? See if I can find the person you were meant to meet.” Lucas shook his head. “Relax, I found her. Get yourself a coffee or something. Put it on my tab.” Lucas said, before walking towards the woman. [i]Psychopath. Chills, a natural response. [/i]She turned to look at him, a wicked smile on her face. Her eyes stood out, one green, one blue, both tranquil in a haunting way. [i]Time to dine with the enemy. [/i] “It’s nice to meet you again Lucas.” She said, her voice different. Not the ghostly sound from before, but what you would expect from a woman. “I don’t believe we’ve met.” Lucas said bluntly. He sat down opposite her. “Lucas, you could at least be a gentleman.” “Why would I be a gentleman when you are wearing a dead womans face?” She laughed, the sound forced. “I’m not. At least… not this time. This is just how I choose to appear. Walking around looking like Cat Woman isn’t the easiest way of staying discreet.” She offered Lucas a glass of water, keeping an expensive bottle of campaign to herself. “And nuking an island, destroying my home and a villa are?” Lucas said, taking a sip. “Not my doing. Which you will probably have realized.” “If it wasn’t yours, then whose?” “One thing at a time Lucas.” She smiled. It was an unnatural sight. “Why did you save me? You could have let me die.” Lucas asked, before being interrupted by Alex, carrying food. A bowl of pasta, the chefs special. “No meat… I’m surprised.” Lucas said when Alex had gone. “Why you do you think I’m evil Lucas? Is it fear?” She said between mouthfuls. “You tell me. You said you could smell fear earlier.” Lucas said, helping himself to the free bread. [i]Dinner with enemy. How unusual.[/i] “Yes. But… Something about you is off. You are afraid, without being fearful.” She said, staring into Lucas’s eyes. Her gaze was cold. “Because that makes perfect sense.” She chuckled, this time naturally. “In this world of ours, things can go from making no sense, to less than no sense, and we can still take a step backwards.” “That makes no sense.” Lucas turned his gaze away from hers. “A man of wit. Occasionally. I admit, I was impressed on our first meeting. Now, I have to ask.” She sipped from her glass again, eyes locked firmly on Lucas. “How did you escape? Since… you would have had to have won the duel, or you would have died, and yet the explosion didn’t finish you either.” “I shot the Assassin. Twice.” Silence. A waiter dropped something the other side of the room, the handful of other customers shouting at him. “She was always a stupid one.” Quickly the woman went back to eating, and again there was silence. “Emotions. In a psychopath. How unexpected.” “I’m not a psychopath. Some of the others are, but I am not. I was just raised in an environment where morals didn’t matter.” The mood had changed, a memorial dinner now. Lucas sighed. “I’m sorry.” “No you’re not. Don’t act like you are. I may hide behind a false image, but I am honest to who I am.” She snapped at him, her tranquil eyes filled with rage. “And who exactly are you?” “I don’t exactly have a name, and neither is this the place to tell you my life story. But… I go by Vannesa.” She pushed the plate to the side gently. “So then Vannesa. Why am I here?” Again the mood had changed. [i]A dinner between co-workers maybe? [/i]Lucas couldn’t quite put his finger on it. “Because your parents decided to have some fun.” Lucas couldn’t stop himself from laughing. “And you called me witty. I meant, why have we met here?” He picked up his glass of water. “Because in less than a week, the world will die.” The glass dropped, clattering onto the table. “You’re joking.” Alex looked over at the table, Lucas gestured for him to ignore it. “You know I’m not.” The door opened, bell ringing. Vanessa’s eyes darted towards it. A man, black hoodie, and hands in his pockets. Two more followed in behind him. “Get down Lucas…” “What?” Lucas asked, spinning round to look. One of the men pulled an object out of his pocket. Something clicked. A gun being taken off safety. Time slowed. Lucas ducked down, shouting for everyone else to do the same. Each separate shot of the Uzi’s being used seemed to space out. The wooden shield between booths splintered, bullets streaming through. Lucas reached for his pistol. Two more Uzi’s opened fire, each booth riddled with lead. Vanessa sprinted towards the gunmen, her movements a blur. A second blur burst from the ceiling body slamming into Vanessa, and sending her spiralling into a broken booth. A blackbody suit wearing faceless woman, yet another assassin. A blue crystalline blade slide from her wrist device. Vanessa smiled wickedly, and the skin on her left wrist rippled, a hooked crimson blade sliding from it. “Nice to see you again sis.” Vanessa said before charging, laughing like a madwoman. The stream of Uzi fired stopped, ammunition spent. Lucas acted. Lucas rose, bringing his pistol up. He fired once, the closest gunman thrown back as the bullet struck his shoulder. [i]One. [/i]He spun left, shooting at the furthest. He dropped to the floor like a stone. [i]Two. [/i]The final gunman raised his weapon. A figure slammed into him, driving him into the wall with the crack of splintering ribs. It was Alex. The first gunman stood once again, and fired, Lucas rolling into a different booth. Vanessa and the Assassin grappled. Punching, kicking, biting. Vanessa slashed downwards brutally, revelling in the adrenalin rush. The assassin slid sideways, grabbing Vanessa’s outstretched arm, and hurling her in a booth. She leapt after Vanessa, blade ready to thrust downwards. Vanessa met her in mid-air, tossing her to the ground. The grappled, the assassin gaining the advantage, slashing Vanessa across the cheek. Blood dripped from the wound, before her skin rippled, covering it. The gunner streamed lead into Lucas’s booth before stopping. [i]He must be out. [/i]He rose, spinning ready to fire. The gunman fired again, Lucas howling as the bullets pierced his shoulder, and throwing back down. Alex’s opponent had him on the ropes as well, cracking his elbow down. Alex staggered backwards, and the gunner reached for his Uzi. “ALEX. CATCH.” Lucas screamed before throwing the device he’d been given during the night. The duel disk. Alex spun around, caught it with his face. “WHAT THE HELL?” Lucas raised his pistol and fired two shots, forcing the gunmen to duck. “PRESS THE BUTTON, AND DUEL.” Alex was about to question when Lucas pointed his pistol at him, holding back a scream. Alex slammed his hand down on button, and it attached to his wrist. A wave of energy fired out, tossing both gunmen, and Vanessa out of the ten foot duelling zone. It was just Alex, and an Assassin. “Lucas.. What the hell did you do?” Alex said, staring at the Assassin walking towards him, drawing five cards. “Tactical switch. Moved everyone to someone you could beat.” Vanessa muttered to herself, before leaping towards one of the gunmen. She leapt a good ten feet towards the prone gunman. [i]I should never get on her bad side. [/i] He screamed before the blade founds its hold, and he fell silent again. She turned to face the last gunman, flicking her wrist. Droplets of blood splashed from her blade onto the wall. She smiled. Lucas fired, a clean shot, and the man fell moved no more. “Since it looks like I’ve got no choice faceless lady. I draw.” Alex shouted. Lucas let the clip from his pistol slide out, replacing it with his last spare. “I activate Photon Sanctuary, giving me two Photon Tokens.” Two orbs of light appeared next to Alex, his suit ruined by dust from the gunfire. “Which I then tribute to summon the one, the only. The mighty…” The two tokens flew into the ceiling, from which a portal opened. A dragon howled. Raising his hand in a highly clichéd manner, Alex bellowed. “GALAXY EYES-“ A gunshot interrupted him, and the assassin collapsed backwards. Lucas was stood directly behind her, a trail of smoke from the barrel of his pistol. Vanessa rushed over and drove her wrist blade into the device on the Assassin’s wrist. “Detonator linked to heartbeat. When it stops, the detonator goes boom.” She said, and the device sparked before all the lights died. The portal above Alex’s head died with it. “Wrist blades, super strength, and you explode, it’s like watching Predator.” She smiled, and the wrist blade slid back into her skin. “Except, I look considerably cuter than a Predator.” She stood, looking at the hollowed remains of the café. In one both, there was a family of four. They hadn’t made it. Alex was staring around the café with disbelief. “What the hell happened here?” He said brushing his suit down. “Don’t worry about, they were after us, not you. You just got caught in the-“ He stopped himself. [i]The family… [/i]“just.. go home and don’t get involved.” Vanessa laughed. “And that worked out well for you? He saw them, and he’s alive. They will hunt him down. His only hope of survival is sticking with us.“ Lucas swore. [i]Should have guessed. [/i] “Who will? You guys must be high. I mean.. come on, this is a sick joke ain’t it?” Alex was half laughing, half crying. He’d noticed the family to. Vanessa lifted up the assassins limp body. “This is no joke. You should be very afraid. You will be hunted down by them.” Alex laughed at her words. “I’ve got whatever this thing is… If it makes em duel, then I’ll just duel em.” Lucas shook his head. “They planted a bomb in my flat. Which is currently a burnt out wreck. You have to trust us here Alex.” Vanessa moved to the windows, peering out. A siren blared in the distance, slowly growing louder. “We have to move. The police would lock us away as soon as they saw us.” She said, moving towards the back of the café. “Why? I mean… if we just tell them what-“ Lucas started, stopped by Vanessa raising her hand. His shoulder “It’s not a question of us being guilty or innocent, the Police are in their service.” She gestured at the Assassin. “And how do you know that?” Alex shouted at her. [i]Anger issues much.[/i] “It’s the Police. They are always corrupt.” She said, opening a door to the kitchen. Even from the other side of room, Lucas could see a pool of blood. [i]Assassin must have gone through the kitchen. [/i] Lucas followed Vanessa, whilst Alex stayed where he was. “Alex… It’s a lot to take in I know. But... in the past day I’ve nearly been killed three times. And, whether I like to admit it or not, I would be dead if it wasn’t for her. So, you have to come with us if you want to live.” Alex looked around at the remnants of the café. The sirens grew louder, and the blue flash of the police cars was visible against the buildings. Alex followed the others. By the time the Police had entered the three had escaped. ... [i]Undisclosed location. Thursday 19[sup]th[/sup] July 2:30 PM[/i] Seven men and two women sat at a table in a dark room. All seemingly ordinary, and yet each of them held more power than the oppressive Monarchies of old. A dozen screens about the table displayed information from around the world, stock figures, confidential secrets, media broadcasts. From this one room, the world could be changed. Currently, the focus was on a series of CCTV broadcasts from Caliban. A broadcast feature three individuals escaping from a café. “They are alive.” Said one of the men, his voice intimidating. “This is unfortunate.” “It is to be expected. This Subject was always resourceful… It’s natural she would find competent allies.” Said another man, the German. “This Lucas Foreman, what do we know about him?” The third man said, the Englishman. Amongst this circle, names were of no importance. “He is unimportant. An ant who thinks himself tall.” The American, one of the two women said, flipping a coin in her hand. “One ant so far… but great things have small beginnings. I suggest elimination.” The Italian said, kissing his diamond ring. All great men had their own superstitions. The Russian slammed his fist onto the table. “Talk is cheap. Send operatives to crush them.” He bellowed. “Quite.” Stated the second woman, and everyone did as ordered. All of these powerful men were fearful of a twenty year girl. Her cold eyes stared at the figures on the screen, her mind ticking away. A minute passed. She pressed one of the screens, causing it to turn black. All the other screens did the same. “Operatives Delta and Epsilon are to eliminate them. They will determine if we have a potential threat. Until then, the plan will continue unobstructed.” She said, before standing and exiting. Not a single person in the room relaxed until she left. They all remembered the fate of the last man to provoke her rage. The German reached for his phone. “Operatives Delta and Epsilon are to intercept anomaly.” He sighed, years of regret heavy on his heart. “Permission to terminate granted.” He hung up, and left the room to. One by one, the other members of the group left, returning to the public eye once more. No one outside the room could ever know what happened within.[/spoiler] Due to some health issues, i haven't been able to go outside, and instead i have gotten two thirds of the next chapter done, so that should be up in short order as well. So yeah feedback, any constructive critisms are welcome. Always nice to hear from people, even if you haven't commented before. One thing i do want to know is opinion on speech. Should i put another line between bits of speech. Since, i personally hate it on word when return causes you to skip a whole line. But, if people want me to change it, changed it shall be. 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Aerion Brightflame Posted August 4, 2012 Author Report Share Posted August 4, 2012 Just to say, there won't be a new chapter tomorrow. My internet died halfway through the week, so i couldn't do any of the research for the duel. I should get it up early next week though, hopefully by Wednesday. Sorry if this disapoints any of the 3 people who i know are reading this. As for anyone else who's reading, please comment. Just feedback on how you think its going so far. I know its early days, but it would be nice to know none the less. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Synchronized Posted August 5, 2012 Report Share Posted August 5, 2012 I'll getcha a review up later today, been slacking. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Agro Posted August 5, 2012 Report Share Posted August 5, 2012 [quote name='- Neo -' timestamp='1344180329' post='5998027'] I'll getcha a review up later today, been slacking. [/quote]Ya think? OT: I read it already, and you already have my opinion. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Synchronized Posted August 6, 2012 Report Share Posted August 6, 2012 You continue to impress. The story is very unique and I like the dialogue a lot. That's one of the things I struggle with the most and you have a really good talent for it. It was very well done and I liked the way we continue to move forward, even if I did find it to be somewhat rushed. It was well-done and I look forward to the next episode. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aerion Brightflame Posted August 6, 2012 Author Report Share Posted August 6, 2012 [quote name='Agro' timestamp='1344184264' post='5998064'] Ya think? OT: I read it already, and you already have my opinion. [/quote] Yes, and thanks again for your time. [quote name='- Neo -' timestamp='1344225608' post='5998485'] You continue to impress. The story is very unique and I like the dialogue a lot. That's one of the things I struggle with the most and you have a really good talent for it. It was very well done and I liked the way we continue to move forward, even if I did find it to be somewhat rushed. It was well-done and I look forward to the next episode. [/quote] The dialouge was the bit i was most worried about. What i do for it normally is think of a moment in a tv show i've seen that has the sort of thing i want, and try and capture that kind of atmosphere. That may help, or not. And next one should be up tomorrow. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aerion Brightflame Posted August 7, 2012 Author Report Share Posted August 7, 2012 As promised, the next chapter. It's a shorter than normal, but the next one should hopefully make up for that. [spoiler='Chapter 4'] [i]Caliban Central Park. Thursday 19[sup]th[/sup] July 3:33 PM[/i] The Central Park in Caliban was a square mile of lightly concentrated forest in the dead centre of the city. Installed as a way of balancing the Cities Carbon Footprint, and to provide something else to do in the city centre other than shop. The brochure said it was a perfectly preserved natural habitat located within walking distance of one of the most advanced cites in the world. It was also a perfect place to hide from the police. For Lucas, ‘Vanessa’ and Alex, it was the latter they were using it for, hoping that the searching Police would lose intrest. Currently, they were hiding in a tree, balancing on the branches. Vanessa was finding it easiest, effortless balancing on a single branch. Alex had taken a while, before finding an Oak that could take his weight. Lucas however, had found himself on the ground three times, branches snapping under him. His ribs were sore by the time he found a comfortable spot. As for the bullet wound on his shoulder, Vanessa had bandaged it. Despite Lucas’s worries, she had been gentle. Aside from “So what exactly is the plan? I mean, if the world is going to end in a week, then you must have summon way of stopping it.” Lucas asked. Alex was silent, still coming to terms with what was happening. He flinched at the slightest unexpected sound. Vanessa had snapped a couple of branches just to make him jump. “I know when the world is going to end, and about the Assassins who have been causing all the destruction. But, since I don’t know any of the specifics, I thought we’d get some information.” “From where.” She pointed behind Lucas, who twisted around carefully to look. Something snapped, and Lucas felt the familiar sensation of falling. He hit the ground with a thud, his ribs aching yet again. Luckily the branch was only about 2 feet above the ground. Vanessa laughed and Lucas shot her a deadly look. Damn me for trusting a psychopath. “Temper Lucas. Still, I was actually pointing at where we are going.” She pointed again, and Lucas turned safely this time, noticing her target. A skyscraper, dominating the skyline around it by at least ten stories. The crimson letters, S and A set atop it. [i]Sigma Alpharius. The former headquarters.[/i] “So, we are going to break into a skyscraper, which if it isn’t abandoned already, will be the most heavily guarded building in the city. I wouldn’t exactly call it the greatest plan in history.” Vanessa threw a branch at Lucas, who grimaced. Vanessa chuckled. “Aww… is Lucas hurt?” Her tone was the same as a mother talking to an injured child. Only, with no sympathy. She vaulted onto the ground, her every moment graceful. Instead of her moving, the world seemed to move around her. “And you seem to have forgotten you have me. As you put it, a Predator.” She clicked her neck, Lucas shivering at the sound. Alex jumped, and fell backwards out of his tree to. Lucas saw her bite her tongue, holding back a laugh. “So are we going to break in now?” Lucas asked, standing up. He brushed his jacket, trying to get the dust off. “No. We do it at sundown. Otherwise, we will get spotted. And you two will probably be shot. As you out it, we are breaking into one of the most well guarded buildings on the planet, so its best to do it a time when securitity will be weakest.” Lucas helped Alex up. “Wha-what the f*** are you?” Alex spat out at her. She wiped her face. “Vanessa. I’m one of what Lucas has termed, Assassins. The major difference between me and the others is I’m not as much of a psychopath.” She looked away from Lucas, rolling her eyes. “I said as much.” “So why should I trust you if you’re one of them?” Lucas spotted movement in the bushes nearby. It stopped as rapidly as it had appeared. “Because, unlike the rest of them, I don’t enjoy my natural look. I prefer being ‘human’. That and if I wanted you dead I would have simply slit your throat.” Her hand moved gently across her throat, her heterochromatic eyes suddenly cold, distant and yet focused at the same time. Another burst of movement, the opposite side this time. [i]Wait… this happened before. [/i]Vanessa had spotted the sign as well. “Alex, still got the duel disk I gave you?” Alex nodded, hand reaching for his face[i]. [/i]“Get it out. And get ready to press it.” Alex shook his head. “NO. NO WAY. I’m not duelling one of these things… They-they-they… killed that family. Without a care. I knew them… I mean, they had a little kid, I was teaching him how to…” Tears weld up in his eyes. Swearing, Vanessa walked over to him, grabbed his shoulder and slapped him. There was a pause. “Yeah. A family died. A child died. And if you don’t man up, it will happen to a lot more children. A lot more people. Are you going to sit here crying and let that happen?” Alex didn’t move. “I don’t… I can’t… I mean, this isn’t my life. This stuff shouldn’t happen.” Vanessa slapped him again. Lucas saw her skin ripple, and the hooked blade slid from her hand. “You think this sort of stuff shouldn’t happen?! You have no right to say that. You have no idea how many people have things worse off than you. And why not instead of moaning, you stand up and make them pay.” She backed away, noticing the blade. She closed her eyes, and tried to calm her breathing. [i]Stress… Suppressed memories. Alex is a lucky bugger that he didn’t say anything worse. [/i] Slowly the blade slid back into her skin, no trace of it. “You’re right… I need to make them pay.” Alex said, pulling the duel disk from his pocket. His face blank, Alex slammed his fist onto the button. Twin assassin burst from the bushes, one on either side. Lucas noticed two letters of the Greek alphabet, Delta and Epsilon one on each assassin. Duel disks unfolded on each of their arms. “Alex. Don’t be your normal idiotic self. You will never beat two of them.” Lucas said. “I’m the second best duellist currently in Caliban. I think I can.” Vanessa sighed. She pulled another device, identical to the one Alex used, and tossed it at Lucas. He caught it more gracefully than Alex had. It immediately unfolded, pins digging into Lucas’s arm prompting an exclamation of shock and pain. He drew his hand, not recognizing any of the cards. [i]Great, so I’m stuck in another duel. With a deck I don’t know. A least this time I’m on the same side as someone who knows how to play. [/i]Epsilon moved opposite Lucas, and Delta opposite Alex. Though they looked the same, already Lucas could make out differences. Delta adopted a half crouch, cautious. An animal sensing it had met prey, or predator. The other, stood tall, eyeless mask staring down at its opponents. It didn’t think it was better, it knew it was better. “Standard Tag Duel rules apply… Separate life points, separate fields… Player who goes last goes first… Ally is treated as an enemy for card effects…” Epsilon stated, her word law. “You were always stuck up Epsi.” Vanessa said, leaning against a tree. A wicked smile was on her face, enjoying the spectacle to come. Epsilon turned her head towards Vanessa, before turning back. She pointed at Alex. “You will move first…” Alex drew. “Since I control no Cards, I can special summon [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Photon_Thrasher"]Photon Thrasher[/url]([b]2100[/b]/0) from my hand. Then I set a card, and summon [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Cardcar_D"]Cardcar D[/url]([b]800[/b]/400).” A suit of sapphire armour rose, before filling with glimmering white light. Behind it, a flat blue race car burst onto the field engine roaring. “Then I tribute Card car, and can draw two cards. And that’s my turn over with.” Delta stepped forwards, still cautious. She waited for a moment before drawing. “Summon… [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Wind-Up_Snail"]Wind-Up Snail[/url].([b]100[/b]/2000).” Alex’s eyes widened at the name, his hand nearly dropping to the floor. A pink clockwork childish mechanical snail large key in its back appeared, the key constantly winding. Alex cowered back from it. “Alex? What’s wrong?” Lucas asked. “The kid… he… he used…” [i]Seriously? Great, now my partner doesn’t look like he will be any help..[/i] “Activate [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Wind-Up_Factory"]Wind-Up Factory[/url]… “ A jack in box rose next to the Snail, a wire attaching itself to the key on its back. “Wind-Up snails one use effect… face down card is bounced.” The key coiled, the snail pulling into its shell, before firing outwards, bouncing towards the face down. The snail knocked it upwards, and Alex picked it up subconsciously. He didn’t even shuffle it in, simply staring at the snail as crawled back. The Jack in the Box unfolded, and another clockwork toy burst out, a tri legged, lime green crossbow armed warrior which faded back into its card. The box sealed itself again slowly, and the Snail set itself back in front of Delta. “Where did that come from?” Lucas said, searching the database for both his deck, and his opponents. [b][i]Wind-Up, a series of monsters with one use only effects. Known for quick Xyz summoning, and for the Wind-Up loop… [/i][/b] “Wind-Up Factory… adds a Wind-Up to my hand whenever one activates its effect… [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Wind-Up_Hunter"]Wind-Up Hunter[/url] was added…” Delta said, staring at Alex. [i]She knows… This wasn’t an accident. They are trying to cripple us before we have even begun.[/i] Delta scanned her hand careful, her every action carefully considered. After a minutes pause she said. “Set one card… turn end.” Lucas drew a card, and had a look through his hand. “Vanessa, I know this doesn’t seem like a good time to ask, but why the hell do you things always have to duel?” Lucas kept scanning his hand, staring at the foreign monsters hoping play would come into his head. “A failsafe. In the event of one of us going haywire, we have a chip that forces us to accept a duel. That way they could knock us out with us going… ‘Predator’ on them.” Lucas sighed. [i]Why do the smart ones never answer a question straight? Wait… I’m talking to me. [/i] “Talking is only prolonging the end… Move.” Epsilon stated yet again. “You know, you’d be a lot more pleasant if they took the rod out of your spine.” Vanessa giggled at Lucas’s response. Epsilons gaze less stare grew more intense. Lucas sighed. He couldn’t find any data on his cards, so he was duelling blind. “I guess I will Summon [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Constellar_Sheratan"]Sacred Sheratan[/url]. ([b]700[/b]/1900).” A goat helmeted knight from distant stars descended, amber cloak billowing in a wind. The Knight of Aires. “And since I summoned him, I get to add another Sacred card to my hand. I’ll take [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Constellar_Kaust"]Sacred Kaust[/url].” Lucas scanned his hand and set two cards. [i]This should help hold… [/i] Epsilon drew her card. And then, without pause. “Summon… [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Guldfaxe_of_the_Nordic_Beasts"]Guldfaxe of the Nordic Beasts[/url]. ([b]1600[/b]/1000).” A Stallion of Nordic mythology, born for a battle against the giants. It reared, hooves crashing back down to the ground in menacing fashion. “Guldfaxe… Attack.” The stallion reared once more, before charging at Lucas’s knight. “[url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Constellar_Meteor"]Meteor of the Sacred[/url]. Any card that battles a Sacred I control, gets bounced into your deck afterwards.” One of Delta’s face downs flipped. “[url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Seven_Tools_of_the_Bandit"]Seven Tools of the Bandit[/url]… 1000 life points paid, trap negated…(Delta 4000-3000).” Red sparks crackled around Lucas’s card, and the horses charge went unimpeded. The knight disappeared under the crushing hooves, and the horse carried onwards, ramming into Lucas. He shouted, feeling as if a rib had cracked. [i]It’s just my mind… Nothing more.[/i] (Lucas 4000-3100). “Set two cards… turn end.” Lucas looked to Alex, who was still staring at the Snail, absent minded. “Alex… It’s your turn.” He stared at Lucas, tears welling in his eyes again. He drew slowly. “I… attack Guldfaxe with Photon Thrasher.” The suit of armour charged forwards, ignoring the weaker Snail. It’s wrist blade raised above the stallions head. “[url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Nordic_Relic_Megingjord"]Nordic Relic Megingjord[/url]… Guldfaxe attack doubled until the end phase.” A gold plated bracelet appeared around Guldfaxe’s neck. The horse bellowed, engulfing flames. (Guldfaxe 1600-3200). It charged forwards, shattering Thrasher, and sending sparks and chunks of flaming armour towards Alex. He screamed as the touched him. [i]Shock makes it all the worse. [/i](Alex 4000-2900). “I- I set 2 cards… and I summon… [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Photon_Crusher"]Photon Crusher[/url]. ([b]2000[/b]/0).” Another suit of armour, this time a dark green. Blue light filled the suit, giving it light, and it raised the double handed mace it used above its head. “And that ends my turn.” As he spoke the words, Guldfanes necklace disintegrated, and the flames faded. Delta again took her time. She was savouring every moment of Lucas’s guilt. Finally, when she did draw, she took her time again. “I’m growing old here.” Lucas said, arms folded over his aching ribs. “Summon Wind-Up Hunter…” the Tri wheeled clockwork toy reappeared, crossbow raised at Lucas. ([b]1600[/b]/500). “Activate Hunters effect… tribute Snail. One card from your hand is sent to grave…” The clockwork snail burst apart into parts, the key immediately loaded into the crossbow. It fired the key, and Lucas ducked. The key threw one card from his hand to the floor. Lucas put it into the grave. [i]At least he can’t use that things effect again. [/i]The jack in the box burst open once again, a clockwork Magician firing out of it instead. “Hunter attacks…” The Hunter raised its bow again, firing another shot. A true bolt this time. “I’ll use my face down, [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Defense_Draw"]Defense Draw[/url].” Lucas drew a card, and the bolt struck a glowing barricade. Delta paused yet again. “Set a card…” Lucas drew again, his turn begun a new. “Alex. You have to ignore the fact that she is using Wind-Ups. That Snail was unprotected, and she had less Life points. Thrasher would have left her with a thousand life points.” Alex shook his head, unable to speak through his sobs. [i]Drama queen much.[/i] Lucas turned his attention back to his turn. [i]Looks like I have to do the job of two people. [/i]Lucas read the effect of one card in his hand, and a half decent plan emerged. “I summon [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Constellar_Dabaran"]Sacred Dabaran[/url] ([b]1300[/b]/800).” Another knight rose, horned helm glittering in the crimson light of its glowing energy disk. The knight of Taurus. “And, he says that when I summon him, I get special summon a level 3 or lower monster from my hand. So, say high to [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Constellar_Leonis"]Sacred Leonis[/url] ([b]1000[/b]/1800).” Dabaran threw its disk to the floor, and from it rose another knight, a mane of blue flames wrapped around its armour, and blade of flames poised to strike. “Now, I overlay my two level 3 monsters.” Lucas his extra deck slot, looking for a rank 3. He found the perfect one. “Say hello, to [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Constellar_Hyades"]Sacred Hyades[/url]. ([b]1900[/b]/1100).” The two knights burst into white lights, and descended into the red spiral. Light burst from it, forming a new knight in shining armour. In both hands he wielded an oversized two headed dagger, orange energy rings wrapped around the hilt. “And now, I’ll use my Sacred’s effect. Detaching an overlay unit, and forcing every other monster into defence mode, so no more attack increasing traps.” One of energy rings attached to Hyades dagger multiplied, before shooting outwards towards each other monster, trapping them in there constraints. Hyades charged forwards towards the Wind-Up monster. [i]Maybe if I kill that thing, Alex will attack the open assassin. [/i] The knights dagger split the clockwork toy into fragments, before it exploded. Lucas looked at the last three cards in his hand. One monster he couldn’t summon yet, a spell Horoscope of the Sacred, which he should have played earlier. And then finally “I set a card, and that ends it.” Lucas said, hoping his knight could hold his line. Epsilon drew. “[url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Dark_World_Dealings"]Dark World Dealings[/url]… All players draw once, and discard once.” Lucas drew and immediately threw away his useless spell. “Summon [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Garmr_of_the_Nordic_Beasts"]Garmr of the Nordic Beasts[/url]… ([b]800[/b]/1900).” A crimson wolf howled, and took its place next to its fellow servant of the gods. A circle of blue light appeared next to Guldfaxe. A hedgehog, part mechanical rose from it. “As I control tuner… Quilbolt resurrects. And now… it arrives.” The wind picked up, the sound of the rustling trees rising. “Synchro summon…. Level 10. Behold the great Nordic God.” The three monsters burst apart into light, which rose into the sky. They flashed, and the skies grew dark, storm clouds materializing from nowhere. Lightning crashed to the ground, and trees burst into flames around the duellists. The winds increased, and Lucas struggled to stay rooted. Lighting struck the ground a few meters from him, scorching the earth. The sounds reached a crescendo, and then stopped. Complete dead silence. “Where is it?” Lucas said, panting. The wind was circling now, turning the flames into a spiralling wall, roaring and hissing at the people it had trapped. He saw Vanessa, staring into the sky “WHERE THE HELL IS IT?” he screamed at her. She simply pointed up, and Lucas spun round staring. For a moment there was nothing. Then with a sound Lucas would never forget, two hands burst through into the sky, and tore it apart. A shadow loomed over the city, all the occupants staring at this rip in the sky. And from a world beyond time and death, a God descended, sealing itself in this world as it arrived. Towering above the mere mortals who had dare summoned it, heavy boots,the diameter of a pair of buses stepped foot into the park. A cloak of royal blue billowed around it in the wind it gave birth to. A hammer lifted, the shaft as large as the smaller skyscrapers surrounding it, a length fitting of its wielder, who stood as tall as the Sigma Alpharius building. It was a God amongst the Giants of the Modern world[i]. [/i]The crimson flames engulfing the park bathed the god in there glow, and its rage filled features took a more demonic form in the light “[url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Thor,_Lord_of_the_Aesir"]Thor, Lord of the Aesir.[/url] ([b]3500[/b]/2800).” Vanessa said in Epsilons stead, and Lucas stared at her. She was completely calm, only staring at the God, in no way fearful. “How the hell do I kill a God?” Lucas looked at his knight, more than outmatched by this new creature. Epsilon laughed. “So long as his servants have lain down their lives for him, Thor may not be slain... And now I unlesh [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/March_Towards_Ragnarok"]March Towards Ragnarok[/url]… Thor’s effect is negated for the turn… however, it is immune to all other spell and trap effects… Now you shall be the first to experience his wrath.” Thor lifted its hammer, gripping its Oak shaft in both hands. “Thor… Attack Sacred Hyades.” The hammer reached its highest point, and swept downwards the sound of rumbling thunder building as it did. Lucas looked at his now useless face down. “Alex do something.” Alex simply stood there, staring blankly at Delta. He hadn’t even noticed Thor’s arrival. Lucas stared up, the car sized hammer head drawing ever closer, large enough to cover both Hyades and Lucas in the same blow. “ALEX DO SOMETHING.” Lucas screamed. There was an explosion. A shockwave passed outwards from the park. Trees uprooted, tossed away. Glass shattered across the city, blades of it lashing downwards towards thrown to the ground. It matched the previous shockwave from the explosion at Ashton. The strike of this God was as powerful than a Nuclear explosion. Lucas’s screams were silent. The only sound amongst the entire city was silence. Silence was the God’s chorus. For true silence could only be found in death. And death was the sole gift this god would grant. [/spoiler] As per normal, comments, feedback. Any of that would be very much welcome and appreciated. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brinolovania Posted August 10, 2012 Report Share Posted August 10, 2012 Wow. I...did not at all expect this fic to have the degree of awesome it does. The plot's good, the characters are cool...and the description is amazing. In that last chapter, Id even say it was *sunglasses* Godly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aerion Brightflame Posted August 10, 2012 Author Report Share Posted August 10, 2012 [quote name='Pacmanexus' timestamp='1344564930' post='6002639'] Wow. I...did not at all expect this fic to have the degree of awesome it does. The plot's good, the characters are cool...and the description is amazing. In that last chapter, Id even say it was *sunglasses* Godly. [/quote] AN NEW COMMENTOR.... I-I-I... I'm lost for words. Thanks man, this has actually given me a boost to start writing chapter 5... which since its like twice as long as 4 i should have done a long time before. I appreciate your time, and the godly remark. Thank ye muchly man. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aerion Brightflame Posted August 16, 2012 Author Report Share Posted August 16, 2012 Bumping... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orochii Posted August 16, 2012 Report Share Posted August 16, 2012 I have only read chapter 1, but so far I think this is very good. I will definatly be keeping an eye on this Fic and I will read more tomorrow, it's too bad i had to stumble upon this at 10:30pm. There is a few typos but with time comes rewards, plus i'm not one to criticize since my grammar is terrible. Well see ya when I awaken, Good night from England. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aerion Brightflame Posted August 18, 2012 Author Report Share Posted August 18, 2012 [quote name='Orochii' timestamp='1345156561' post='6008484'] I have only read chapter 1, but so far I think this is very good. I will definatly be keeping an eye on this Fic and I will read more tomorrow, it's too bad i had to stumble upon this at 10:30pm. There is a few typos but with time comes rewards, plus i'm not one to criticize since my grammar is terrible. Well see ya when I awaken, Good night from England. [/quote] Wow. A new commentor. From a new reader.... I feel happier now. A Thanks is given to you from a Welshman. Its great to hear your feedback, and yeah my grammer does suck. My head thinks to fast for my typing sometimes. And I look forwards to hearing more of your feedback. As for the few of you concerned about the next chapter: It is being written. Very slowly due to duel related issues. That and I've decided to actually start planning this a bit further ahead, and have gotten stuck on a deck a certain character needs... Which is frustrating. I should have it up by the end of next week. I think... So long as i don't get to distracted. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aerion Brightflame Posted August 24, 2012 Author Report Share Posted August 24, 2012 I think this deserves a bump with good news. I have almost finished the next chapter, and sorted out the deck issue bogging me down. So, things should run smoother. Lots smoother. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sunshine Jesse Posted August 27, 2012 Report Share Posted August 27, 2012 Skimming over the first chapter, I don't notice any blatant errors with the plot and characters. I do like how you established your characters, and how you made it suspenseful. There are a few minor things that irk me, however. [spoiler= ] “No… not now.” Dimitri whispered, drawing his card. His hand was shaking, in fact he nearly dropped the card he drew. “Russian dude. You high or something?” Alex asked, and Dimitri shook his head. “Not your problem little boy. I think the crowd needs a reason to cheer again.” He bellowed, chuckling to himself. “You talk big.” Alex said smirking. [/spoiler] For dialogue like that, you should put another space in between the lines, if only to make it easier to read. (considering I have severe ADHD, it's hard to keep focused on things written like that.) Not only that, but you could probably spare a few more details in between lines, such as thoughts, more actions, etc; else it comes off as a pseudo-script, so to speak. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aerion Brightflame Posted August 28, 2012 Author Report Share Posted August 28, 2012 [quote name='Nightmare Zarkus' timestamp='1346101244' post='6014111'] Skimming over the first chapter, I don't notice any blatant errors with the plot and characters. I do like how you established your characters, and how you made it suspenseful. There are a few minor things that irk me, however. [spoiler= ] “No… not now.” Dimitri whispered, drawing his card. His hand was shaking, in fact he nearly dropped the card he drew. “Russian dude. You high or something?” Alex asked, and Dimitri shook his head. “Not your problem little boy. I think the crowd needs a reason to cheer again.” He bellowed, chuckling to himself. “You talk big.” Alex said smirking. [/spoiler] For dialogue like that, you should put another space in between the lines, if only to make it easier to read. (considering I have severe ADHD, it's hard to keep focused on things written like that.) Not only that, but you could probably spare a few more details in between lines, such as thoughts, more actions, etc; else it comes off as a pseudo-script, so to speak. [/quote] Why thank you for the review. And the speech thing is something I am always uncertain about. I often find having the extra line is irritating, but I shall experiment with leaving it. And more details between lines? That does happen, its just sometimes its hard to right with stuff between them, becuase nothing is happening... And now, I can proudly state. Chapter 5 is HERE after a month of not writing, and then a month of writing. Its Done. So people, here it is: [spoiler='Chapter 5'] [i]Caliban Central Park Thursday 19[sup]th[/sup] July 4:44 PM [/i] There was silence throughout the city. Hundreds lay dead or dying, and the populace stared at the giant in there mist. The ancient deity of the Nordic faith given form. Thor the Lord of the Aesir, his strike leaving a trail of destruction around the city. It had been a minute since the God had lowered its hammer, a shockwave blasting through the city. And at the centre of it all, charred and strewn trees, Lucas stood next to Hyades his monster, surprised by the fact he was still alive. The hammer had descended, its shadow looming, he had screamed. Everything around him exploded, his ears ringing. But he was alive. And standing in front of him, was Vanessa. Her arms spread out, the hammer pressing against her back. Her face was strained, She staggered forwards, the force still too much for her. “Lucas… Step out of the way of the bloody hammer.” She said through gritted teeth. Electricity crackled around the head of the hammer, and she screamed. Her skin rippled, flashes of black piercing through. “Lucas… move.” She screamed at him, and he scrambled back, out of the shadow of the hammer. Vanessa sighed, and roll to the side. The hammer crashed down, shattering the ground it struck. He watched his life points plummet, Hyades had been crushed by the blow. Lucas couldn’t care, he’d survived the attack of a god. Then slowly it returned upwards, the eyes of a vengeful god glaring at the weaklings before it. Lucas raised his arms, and screamed to the sky, breaking the silence throughout the city. “YES!” he shouted. The silence shattered into a billion pieces. People screamed, sirens blared. Alex whimpered, thrown to the floor by the shockwave. The only silent things, were the twin assassins Delta and Epsilon standing, ever watching Alex and Lucas respectively. Lucas sighed in relief, and walked over to Vanessa. He put his hand on her shoulder, and she shivered at his touch. The hooked blade slid out of her wrist, and Lucas stepped back. “Vanessa… it’s ok. You saved me.” She opened her eyes, and stared at Lucas. “Idiot… you should’ve run for it. And it’s nice to see you can do something for yourself…” She said, standing slowly. Her leg was shaking, and she staggered forwards, falling towards the ground again. Lucas stood forwards, and caught her, her head coming to rest on his shoulder. It was awkward, particularly giving the sword dangerously close to his leg. Epsilon laughed. It was a horrid sound. “So foolish… she deserves nothing less.” She said, and Lucas’s attention drifted back to the duel briefly. All that mattered is that he right now was that he was losing, Alex was too busy crying to be actually be doing anything useful, and they now had to kill a god. It wasn’t exactly a brilliant situation. “She saved me. She shows humanity, making her an whole lot better than you.” Lucas said. It was true, but he knew it was a pointless thing to say. “Humanity is weak…. It is the device that holds power in check…” Epsilon said. If she could do it, he would have sworn she would be smiling at Vanessa’s pain. She took the last card in her hand, and set it. “Remember we are still duelling… set one card… end turn.” Lightning struck the ground around them, and the God shouted in triumph. It had the power. And Lucas knew the only hope he had of surviving was with the man whimpering on the floor. [i]I’m gonna die aren’t I?[/i] … Sam Goodson slowly opened his eyes, coughing violently. Everything around him was in Chaos. Cars were flipped on their side, people were running in all directions, glass littered the streets. He tried to remember what had happened. He had been out for a day of shopping with his mother and brother. Clothes shopping, getting his brother ready for High school before prices rose. It was all boring. As a fifteen year old being forced to watch his eleven year old brother try on shoes, it hadn’t been the best day in history. Then he remember that storm, and the sky. And the giant. He looked up, and screamed. The giant was still there, its gaze locked on the park, only a few feet away from Sam. He thought it was some clever publicity stunt, it had been done before. Not this. When the shockwave hit, Sam had been leaving the shop, stopping at the very top to stare like everyone else at the giant in their midst. The shockwave then shattered every pane of glass, and Sam had fallen backwards, rolling down the steps that lead up to the store. He blacked out then, having avoided the glass raining from above due to sheer luck and timing. If he had fallen a few seconds later, he would be a bloody mess on the marble steps. As it was, his jacket was littered with shards, but he was otherwise intact. Aside from the pain in his ribs. “SAM. SAM!?” A woman shouted. It was his mother. Sam pushed himself up from the ground of the tarmacked street, people knocking into to him as they did. No one cared about anyone but themselves at the time, they just wanted to escape. Sam looked around for her, and shouted back. “Mom. I’m here.” He couldn’t see her, smoke and a mass of people were blocking him. “SAM? WHERE ARE YOU?” She screamed again. Sam pushed his way through the crowd, almost knocked to the ground twice more. He pushed through, noticing blood on the ground for the first time. People had died, he could remember glass falling like spears. He could even remember the spray of blood from someone who had been struck, a crimson spray forever burned in his memory. The smell of it was thick in the air, and Sam felt like throwing up. He fought it back, and forced his way to one of the few cars that hadn’t flipped. He saw a man inside, he hadn’t been lucky. Sam climbed it, and shouted to his mother once again. She spotted him, and made her way over. There was a cut on her face, blood dripping from it. Sam checked himself for injuries, only noticing some blood on his hands. [i]No cuts… I don’t think it’s mine. [/i]He shivered at the thought. “Sam… I can’t-I can’t-can’t” His mother said, she was sobbing silently. Sam climbed down and hugged her. “Can’t what mum?” Sam said, trying his best to calm her down. His dad had walked out on them when Sam was twelve. He’d taken it on himself to look after her as best he could. “James…” She shrieked. “I can’t find your brother.” The words were death to his ears. His brother was gone. He wouldn’t believe it, he refused to believe it. “No. He’ll be around here somewhere. He has to be. I mean-“ His mother slapped him before lowering her head onto his shoulder, sobbing. “He’s gone… I’ve looked… NOTHING.” She screamed through the sobs. Sam was left in shock. His little brother, his annoying nerdy little brother was gone. The last thing he had heard him say was…. [i]Thor… [/i]Sam looked back up at the giant. His brother had recognized it, said something about it being a duel monster. He had always been interested in nerdy things like that, making Sam join in when none of his friends wanted to. Sam pushed his mother away gently. “Look… Mum, get outta here. I think I know where James might have gone, I’ll look for him.” His mother grabbed him, shaking her head. “NO. I can’t-can’t bear losing both of you…” She sobbed again. Sam moved her hands off gently. “You won’t. I promise.” Sam hugged her once. Then, slowly he let go, her sobs echoing out to him as he went. He looked up at the giant, a worrying feeling building in his gut. [i]Stay strong for him. You’ve got to. [/i]Sam ran into the park, screaming James’s name. … Lucas gently lay Vanessa on the ground. She was in no state to do anything, and he couldn’t hold her up for the rest of the duel. Most importantly, he had to get Alex involved. Epsilon kept her gaze locked on Lucas, but Delta was acting differently, staring at Vanessa immobile form. It wasn’t out of her psychopathic behaviour, but it felt different to her stares to Alex or Lucas. Lucas walked over to whimpering Alex, and punched him, knocking him back to the floor staggering. “Alex. Grow up.” He looked at Lucas and punched back. Lucas rubbed his jaw. Alex had a lousy punch. “I think given the situation I’m acting mature.” He said laughing forcefully. “I mean it’s not like a family died whilst I did nothing to help the-“ “You did more than most people would. And unless you actually try, then I will die. You will die. And so will the rest of the world it seems.” Alex moved to punch Lucas again. Lucas grabbed his hand and twisted it back. Lucas applied pressure, and Alex was pinned face down in the mud. “You don’t get it. The kid died because of me.” Alex said, squirming against Lucas’s grip. “The only reason that family ever went there was because of me. Because that kid liked bloody talking to ME.” Lucas let Alex go, and stepped away. “That anger. The rage at yourself. Instead of sitting here in the mud, use it against the things that murdered that boy.” Lucas felt hollow for doing this, but it was the only thing that could work. [i]Basic emotions are the greatest tools in my line of work.[/i] Nothing is simpler than rage. For a moment nothing. Then Alex slammed his fist down into the mud, before rising. “Fine.” He said through gritted teeth. Both Lucas and Alex stood opposite one of the assassins each again. “I’ll make it quick, and painful.” Alex said before drawing. Duel Field: Lucas: 1500, Field: 1 Face down. Hand: 2. Alex: 2900 Field: [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Photon_Crusher"]Photon Crusher[/url] 2 Face downs. Hand:5. Delta: 3000 Field: 1 Face down, [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Wind-Up_Factory"]Wind-Up Factory[/url]. Hand: 3 Epsilon: 4000 Field: [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Thor,_Lord_of_the_Aesir"]Thor, Lord of the Aesir[/url]. 1 Face Down. Hand:0 “Rise,[url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Alexandrite_Dragon"] Alexandrite Dragon[/url].([b]2000[/b]/0)” Alex shouted, echoed by the roar of his monster. A dragon, hide encrusted by amber gems descended from the skies. It took its place next to Photon Crusher, the green suit of armour given life by a white light. Alex looked upwards at Thor, smiling to himself. “You first. Activate face down, [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Karma_Cut"]Karma Cut[/url]. I’ll ditch a card, and Thor gets banished. Begone.” Alex waved his hand in a dismissive fashion, and a wave of purple energy travelled in its motion. The air crackled around it as it homed towards the Giant. Epsilon snapped her fingers, drawing Alex and Lucas’s attention. “[url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Forbidden_Lance"]Forbidden Lance[/url]…” A jet black spear shot from Epsilons face down, striking the wave of energy and dissipating it with a crackle. “Thor loses 800 attack… immunity to spells and traps granted…” Alex took a moment’s pause, gaze darting between the two assassins. Then finally he pointed at Delta. “Finish her. No mercy.” Both Crusher and Alexandrite answered there masters command, launching themselves towards Delta. “Face down… [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Damage_Diet"]Damage Diet[/url]… damage is halved.” She said, before darting out of the way of the twin strikes. Alexandrite roared, before engulfing her in crimson flames. When they died, Delta stood unscathed amongst a charred patch of earth. (Delta 3000-1000) “Crusher switches to defences mode after attacking.” Alex stared at the giant once more, before setting a pair of face downs, raising his total of them to three. Delta drew her card, and Lucas started feeling a supreme sense of worry at his lack of defences. And from the immobile state of Vanessa, it appeared no rescue this time either. … Sam sprinted through the uprooted and scorched trees. When he existed the store moments before the shockwave he had noticed a crimson glow in the centre of the park. Now he knew the cause. Smoke was still thick in the air, chocking Sam and burning his eyes. He fought on, constantly shouting for James. He had visited the park in the past, the devastation had scared it beyond all recognition, the paths littered with still smouldering trees. And of James, there was no sign. Sam refused to give in, he needed to- no he had to find him. He took a moment’s pause, panting. He was lousy at long distance running. In the distance, he heard the roar of a dragon and screamed. A man’s shouts echoed through in the distance after it. He wasn’t alone. “Hello?” Sam shouted back between coughs. No reply. A crash echoed from in the smoke, giving Sam the feeling on being on the edge of a battlefield. And Sam was feeling the itch. The itch to jump. The itch to defy self-preservation, and see the unknown first hand. He took a dozen steps forwards, and stopped as he fell under the giants shadow. His shivered, for some reason the giant reminded him of the winter. “JAMES. Where are you? Come on, don’t keep messing around. I don’t think it’s safe.” Sam shouted once more, coughing violently. Black smoke was rising now, chocking him, and a distinctly crimson glow was forming at the floor. The park was alight once more. And Sam had no idea how to get back out. He followed the sounds of battle ahead of him, hoping he would escape the blaze. … Delta took a briefs moment’s pause, and then began her masterpiece. “[url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Zenmailfunction"]Zenmalfunction[/url]… [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Wind-Up_Hunter"]Hunter[/url] returns… ([b]1600[/b]/500).” The small three legged clockwork machine rose again, aiming its crossbow at Lucas. Lucas saw Alex shiver at the sight, before recomposing himself. “[url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Wind-Up_Magician"]Wind-Up Magician[/url] ([b]600[/b]/1800)… Special summon [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Wind-Up_Shark"]Wind-Up Shark[/url] ([b]1500[/b]/1300).” Following behind the Hunter, rose a purple staff wielding clockwork magician, and a blue tinted clockwork Shark. “Magicain’s effect… Special summon a Wind-Up from deck…” The key in the magicians back twirled rapidly, and the staff span creating a pink portal. Another toy burst forth from it, standing next to its kin. A knight in glittering armour, sword and shield in hand stood proud. “[url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Wind-Up_Knight"]Wind-Up Knight[/url]… ([b]1800[/b]/1200). Factory adds [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Wind-Up_Rat"]Wind-Up Rat[/url] to hand…” Lucas made the connection, she had two level 3s, and two level 4s. “Overlay Levels 3 and 4…” Delta said, her eyes continually darting back and forth from Vanessa. The four monsters each broke apart into a light, and descended into the portal. A series of loud ticks, and clock working in overdrive echoed through the portal. Then a blur of colours shot out of the portal as it closed. Two machines, each taller than Lucas by a good few feet lowered from the skies, engines burning. Hisses of steam marked their landing, and the unfolding of their weapons. The shorter of the two machines, deployed a pair of spring powered pincers, aiming directly at Lucas. The other was stockier, its oversized fists gearing into life. Though childlike, each looked, and probably would be deadly. “[url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Wind-Up_Zenmaines"]Wind-Up Zenmaines[/url] ([b]1500[/b]/2100)… and [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Wind-Up_Zenmaister"]Wind-Up Zenmaister[/url] ([b]1900[/b]/1500)… Zenmaister’s effect… (Zenmaister 1900-2500). Now attack…” The twin machines answered the command engines whirling into life once again, hurling them towards Lucas. Zenmaister pulled ahead, and was within striking distance. “[url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Dimensional_Prison"]Dimensional Prison[/url]. Zenmaister is banished.” The air in front of Lucas ripped open at the seams, creating an all-consuming void that pulled the machine in whole before sealing. [i]That’s one. [/i]Zenmaines drew closer, and one of the twin pincers shot forwards, ahead of it. “Ah.” Lucas shouted, and it wrapped around his arm, pinning him in place. The second shot forwards, about to pierce his stomach. “Oi. You forget about me? Alexandrite, smash that tin can. Face down, [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Staunch_Defender"]Staunch Defender[/url] puts the attack on my dragon instead.” Alexandrite roared and lunged forwards, ramming into the side of the clockwork machine. Claws racked the side, ripping off a plate of armour from it, and breathing flames into the hole. "Zenmaines effect… Detach overlay unit to survive…” (Delta 1000-500). The machines torso rotated round, and its other pincer retracted, before shooting outwards and wrapping around the throat of Alexandrite. A booming sound echoed out, and Lucas looked up to notice Thor was laughing at the sight. [i]I so need to killing that thing. [/i]Smoke was drifting in around them, a low flying carpet as it was currently. Delta set a single card before the pincer clutched around the dragon tightened, splitting it in half as it let out a defiant howl, bathing Zenmaines in flames as it meet its demise. The brightly coloured paint stripped away, revealing the drab steel beneath. “I draw.” Lucas said, and looked at his hand. [i]Well… as it stands, I can either take Delta down and out.[/i] He looked at Thor, whose gaze was locked firmly on the events unfolding. [i]Or I can kill that sodding god before he hits me on the head with a truck basically.[/i] “I summon [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Constellar_Kaust"]Sacred Kaust[/url]. (1800/700).” Lucas said it defiantly. He was defying the will of a God by living, and he intended to stay that way. A mechanical centaur rode into play next to Lucas, golden bow raised at the god. “Now then, I think it’s time I bring that beast down. Kaust do the honours. Fire.” The centaurs bow pulled back, and began charging with a Golden light. “Your mathematics skills are subpar…” Epsilon said, laughing off the attack. Lucas smiled. This was a satisfying moment. “Angel of light, give your gift to the Sacred Warriors. I call on the power of [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Honest"]Honest.[/url]” Lucas said in the cheesiest manner possible. From the few duels he seen televised, quite often they made elaborate speeches before playing a card. Lucas decided to follow it. The angel appeared above Kaust briefly, golden rays passing from him to Kausts weapon. “Kausts power rises by the power of your Gods. Bring down it Kaust.” The centaur grunted before firing, the arrows exploding out of the bow towards Thor. The arrow struck it head on with a bang. A second shockwave rattled the city, weaker this time, and the God fell backwards slowly. The golden light spread from the arrow and consumed it As it died it gave a final bellowing cry. The hammer clattered to the ground, but didn’t fade away. (Epsilon 4000-2200)Lucas let out a cheer of relief and set a card to end his turn. [i]That should hold things for now, with that giant out of the way at least.[/i]” Epsilon seemed entirely unphased by the destruction of her beast, and Lucas was about to pour salt on the wound. Then the wind began again. Thunder rumbled, and a bolt of lightning struck the ground. Just like before Thor had forced its way into the world. “What the...? I killed it. I just bloody killed it.” Lucas screamed spinning round looking any sign of the God. A voice drew Lucas’s attention. Vanessa was awake, and standing weakly. “From a storm it was born. Thor, the immortal god of war. And from a storm it returns once again.” She said, and staggered towards Lucas, coughing. Lucas noticed a bloodstain on her coat. The blow had done a lot of damage, even to someone like her. “Brace yourself Lucas, I expect this will hurt.” “What will?” Alex was the one with the answer this time. “Thor, Lord of the Aesir has an effect. Whenever its destroyed, in the end phase by banishing a Nordic Beast tuner it resurrects.” As Alex spoke the words, the skies tore open once again. Fully this time, giving all those who dare look a glance at the home of the Gods. A world of darkness, and a place exempt from all laws of nature. There was no time. No death. No joy. A world between worlds. This was Valhalla, and from it a God was returning. A spiralling vortex of lightning descended, thousands of individual bolts twirling and chasing each other to the ground in a deadly race. A series of bolts arced outwards at Lucas, a blinding white light of deadly proportions descended towards him. Lucas screamed, and felt something tug at him. then he was hurtled head first to his side. The ground where he was struck, and exploded. Fragments of cindering soil rained down. The main body of lightning struck the ground. No explosive, instead a roar of anger. The lightning warped around a shape, and slowly intensified, reforming the great god. Lucas forced himself to his feet quickly, noticing a red glow gradually moving closer to them. (Lucas 700). He coughed violently, the smoke on the ground quite thick now. They had to finish things quickly. “Vanessa thanks. Again.” Lucas said, and she looked away from him clutching her arm. “I wasn’t going to let you die when replacing you would be a task I don’t have time for currently.” She said, dismissing him. She was staring at Delta now, the two sharing stares. It was unnerving. Epsilon shouted. Delta’s focus seemed to be away from the duel, in fact she’d barely acknowledged the return of Thor. “It time… Thor. Finish the weak one…” She shouted pointing her hand at Lucas. Kaust rode to take place next to its master, raising its bow defiantly against the giant. Thor reached down and clutched its fallen hammer in a single movement. It took a step forwards, it cloven foot crashing down onto fallen trees, splintering them like matchsticks. A child screamed, the sound like a knife being plunged into Lucas’s heart. [i]There’s a kid out there… Right in front of that. [/i]Another new voice screamed a name. “JAMES.” Lucas looked left, and a teen scrambled out of the smoke. He looked to be no more than sixteen, his face dirtied and messy ginger hair. The little of his skin Lucas could see was deathly pale, and he looked rightly terrified. “HEY.” Lucas shouted. Getting the kids attention. In the corner of his eye, he spied Thor raising its hammer high above its head. “GET OUT OF HERE. NOW.” The younger child screamed again, and appeared through the smoke. He two was ginger, his hair fiery orange. He ran crying and straight towards the teenager sobbing James through violent coughs. “Vanessa. Get them out of here.” Lucas told Vanessa, but she ignored him, still staring at Delta. “Lucas, the thing is still attacking you.” Alex said, and Lucas activated his face down to buy him time. “Half or nothing. Either end your battle phase or Thor’s attack is halved.” Lucas said, sprinting towards the two children. Thor’s hammer continued to fall. “Thor… Smite Photon Crusher…” Epsilon ordered her beast to do. The hammer crashed down, Photon Crusher rushing upwards to meet the blow. Lucas tackled both children to the ground, promoting a barrage of swears from the older one. Crusher exploded as the hammer struck it, shards of its armour raining down on the participants. This time there was no shock wave, Thor pulling its hammer back after Crusher had been destroyed. Lucas let go of the two children, letting them stand. They exchanged whispered words, the older one giving the younger a hug. [i]Brothers maybe?[/i] “What the hell were you two doing? Didn’t you notice the giant over there?” Lucas said pointing at Thor. “Yeah I did. But my brother wandered in here, and I wasn’t going to let him get near it.” He said, voice shaky and cracking. He pushed Lucas away. Lucas was angry at them for being so stupid. He took a breath, ready to point out there stupidity when Vanessa cut him off. “Lucas. It’s too late to do anything now. They’ve seen them.” She said, and Lucas swore. “Just great. Now I have to look after some children as well”. He sighed. It was a setback. “Hey, I’m not a child.” The older child said coughing violently. He helped the younger one up, Lucas noticing the sound of crackling wood around them now. “And what do you mean look after?” He said, trying to act manly towards Lucas. “I mean now I have to keep you around me or else you and your brother will die. And personally I don’t want to see another pair of children dead today” The child fell silent, and Lucas turned back to the duel. “Don’t let him wander off again.” “My turn. Draw.” Alex said having ignored the situation with the children. [i]He probably doesn’t want to get involved with them after the last one. [/i]“I think it’s time I put that God away for good. [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Gold_Sarcophagus"]Gold Sarcophagus[/url]. I banish [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Galaxy-Eyes_Photon_Dragon"]Galaxy Eyes Photon Dragon[/url] from my deck. In two turns, it’s added to my hand. And now I summon [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/D.D._Warrior_Lady"]D.D Warrior Lady[/url]. ([b]1500[/b]/1600).” A female solider, clad in dirtied steel armour and a shortsword in her hand leapt into play and charged towards Thor. A bloodied bandage trailed behind her as she ran. “D.D. Warrior Lady, attack Thor.” She reached the Gods feet, and jumped, slashing her blade across the giant. Her sword shattered as it failed to cut the giants hide. Thor’s other hand shot outwards and clutched D.D. Warrior lady, slowly crushing her as she squirmed against the grip. (Alex 2900-2000). “Your monster was to weak…. Defeat is inevitable.” Epsilon stated, staring at Alex. The younger child was whimpering at the sight, and screamed when Thor chuckled. “SHUT IT.” Alex shouted pointing at Thor. Everyone fell silent at his words, even the God, finding the sight unusual. “D.D. Warrior Lady. Dimensional Vortex. Both my monster and yours are banished.” Warrior Lady screamed and became engulfed in a slowly expanding white light. Thor struggled against it, defiantly resisting death at the hands of a mere mortal. But there was nothing to be done. Thor, Lord of the Aesir was gone and the clouded skies cleared once more. “What have you done?” Epsilon shouted at Alex. The crystalline blade slid from her wrist device, pointing at Alex. Her every word was the embodiment of rage. “He played a card in a card game. I know how shocking.” Lucas said, smirking. “And now, time to get some pay back. I activate my face down, [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Return_from_the_Different_Dimension"]Return from the Different Dimension[/url]. I pay half my life points (450).” Red energy streamed from Alex and a formed a shimmering red portal. The distant roar of a dragon and shout of a woman could be heard. “And now I can resurrect as many of my banished monsters as I can. So Warrior lady returns, and RISE GALAXY EYES.” Alex shouted, and the two monster burst from the portal. the warrior lady with the blooded bandage and still broke sword, and a shimmering dragon on wings of sapphire ascended into the skies. “Now my monster attack-“ Alex cut off halfway through the sentence.He was silent for a few seconds. “Alex. What’s wrong?” Lucas asked, worried that he was falling back into his pathetic state. “I can’t beat both of them in one turn. I have 4500 attack points between my monsters, but I can’t run through Zenmaines to inflict said damage.” He turned to Lucas. “I can’t stop her killing you dude.” Lucas wouldn’t believe it, running through the situation in his head. He reached the same conclusion. “Oh, that's not good…” Lucas said, looking around for a way out. [i]I could shoot her. I’ve done it twice. No- She’d expect that. I cou-[/i] “Attack Epsi.” Vanessa said, both Alex and Lucas staring at her. The staring contest between Vanessa and Delta continued. “If you say so crazy chick. Galaxy Eyes. Photon Stream of Destruction.” The dragon landed in front of Epsilon and a stream of sapphire fire exploded outwards, engulfing her. She made no sounds, and as the flames died, she was simply unconscious. Vanessa pointed her wrist at Epsilon and the crystalline blade in her wrist shot out, skewering Epsilons wrist device. There was silence for a moment, and then relief as there was no tell-tale beeping sound. And then, with no other options, Alex ended his turn. Lucas prepared for whatever Vanessa was planning. “Dra-“ Delta started, unfazed Epsilons situation but Vanessa interrupted her with a single word. “Amalia.” She said, her voice emotionless. Delta froze. “You remember. That’s who you are.” Vanessa walked towards Delta slowly. “No... Not anymore.” Delta whispered, her voice barely distinguishable. Lucas turned his attention to the children briefly, and aside from the younger one being in tears, they seemed fine. The smoke was thicker now, Lucas having to force breaths. “It is. Amalia, I know you’re still there.” Delta, or as it was becoming evident, Amalia shivered at the sound of the name. She shook her head, the blackbody suit she wore rippling. “They ripped that away from me… And they gave me this…” Vanessa shook her head. She was only a few steps from Amalia now. “You can fight it. I have. Remember when we were five. I was always so stubborn and they wouldn’t let me eat.” Vannesa moved within an arm’s reach of Amalia, tears forming in her eyes. “And you… you always saved some of yours for me. Please tell me you remember.” Vanessa simply stood in front of Amalia. She fell forwards into Vanessa’s arms sobbing quietly. “I remember… I always remember. I… I miss you.” Amalia said, burying her head into Vanessa’s shoulder. Despite still being the same familiar image of the assassins they knew and feared, she was different now. A person, not a killer. “I know. I’m gonna change things. Get you out. I promise.” Vanessa said, resting her head against Amalia’s. Lucas looked away, embarrassed by the scene. [i]Something’s gone on between them then. Probably not the best idea to ask.[/i] Alex decided to rather foolishly break the tension. “Look you two love birds, in case you didn’t notice the area is on fire, and the smoke will probably choke us in a few moments. So you might want to kiss and make up later.” Vanessa sighed. Lucas saw her whisper something in Amalias ear, and then let her go. She turned away, a tear streaming down her check. “You do know next time I will have to fight you to until one of us is dead.” Amalia said, walking over and picking up epsilon, cradling her in her arms like a child. Vanessa nodded. As she walked away. Lucas turned to the two children, and gestured for them to follow. With little or no choice in the matter, they followed. Vanessa punched Alex in the arm as she walked past him, prompting a very loud scream of pain. “Feel thankful I didn’t decide to kill you. Say something like that again and will.” The two children were silent, obviously terrified. Lucas spoke to them in the most reassuring voice he could manage. “Don’t worry. We’ll keep you safe, I promise.” “Well, your abducting us right now, so I doubt your trustworthy. The police will find us anyway, and then you’ll get locked up.” Said the older one, and Alex laughed. Obviously it was reminding him of his own reactions a few hours earlier. “The police are already looking for us. And trust me, you’ll be better off sticking with us. Otherwise they hunt you down and try and blow you up.” Then, like Ghosts, the five faded into the smoke, not a word being spoken until they were safe. [/spoiler] I feel sooo much better now thats done. Its been so very, very irritiating to write. Normal thing applies, feedback welcome and appreciated. And Enjoy peoples. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bahamut - Envoy of the End Posted August 31, 2012 Report Share Posted August 31, 2012 Congratulations on finishing the chapter, noticed the edits. Wish you well with the next one and hope you get more readers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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