Giant Robot Battles!: Cat vs. Fish

[Thar]

If you realized that your pets are fighting in giant mech suits while you're gone, what would you do?

~

My name is Stripes, and my master is at college. I’m eating my food as Derpy, my master’s goldfish, stares down at me as if my fur is actually scales; he thinks I am a brother or something. I guess I’m a mermaid for being able to breathe air and be Derpy’s brother.

I go upstairs to my litter box to take a leak. It smells terrible. My master needs to learn to scoop it every so often, especially before he leaves for the entire day. I almost want to pee on his new leather couch that he got. But that would mean no more cuddling while he rages on Saint’s Row. I love watching him kill people for trying to kill or steal his hoe.

I am bored. I strut back downstairs to stare blankly at the TV screen that’s been left on by my master whom knows me so well. Another local cat show was on. It makes my day to see such domesticated idiots doing those stupid tricks. Hell, if I wasn’t locked in the house, I’d make a trip there right now and jump through an ignited hoop on a skateboard. Maybe I’ll have a bunch of alligators thrown into the landing just for laughs, then chop off their heads with a machete that I kept in my fur.

My stomach gurgles again. Strange, cause I ate quite a lot today. Regardless, my stomach is the brains here. So I go to take a few more bites and look up to where Derpy normally is.

He wasn’t there. Just an empty fish bowl.

Huh?! Despite my hatred for the amnesiac water-breather, I can’t help but look for him. I scramble through the nearby cupboards, look into the sink, down the toilet; I couldn’t find him anywhere.

That is…until my collar started beeping.

I paw at the collar where a button is placed and a screen pops up in front of my face. It takes a while to enhance, but I see a flashing red sign reading “Danger! Threat detected!”, and sure enough I see a giant golden robot with a fish tank head.

I face-paw. Not this again. Derpy, you choose the worst times to play with your toys.

The screen minimizes out of sight while I run back to my litter box. I dig to the bottom where a scanner lays and place my paw on it. It scans and says “Access approved. Welcome, Stripes.” A door opens up in the floor adjacent to the litter box and I jump into it, riding a chute that twists and turns until I make a cushioned landing. I was in the cockpit of my robot, which boots up when I press the big red button labeled “Start.”

In front of the robot is a long, large hallway with a large door at the end. I start with a walk, gradually reaching a run towards the door as it opens, letting in the light of the outside world. I squint and raise my paw to shield the blinding light, but my eyes adjust and I am running along the street towards the city, where Derpy is wrecking havoc…again.

Sure enough, I see Derpy walking along the streets and firing blasts at the buildings. Why? I’ve been asking myself that same question for years. He just wants to destroy things, which I guess I can’t blame him for.

He must know I am there when he turns around and stares at me for several seconds before he raises his giant robot hand and reveals a charging blaster. His robot looks just like any other generic mech, just gold and with a fish head detail on its body. The head is a fish tank that looks just like his, just bigger to fit the slot. Mine has the same concept, just without the gold color and a cat-like head on top.

A blast comes out from his hand as I roll out of the way, destroying a parking lot. Instinctively, I raise my hand and hold it with the other, charging a shot. Derpy begins running in my direction but I stay still and let my blast cripple his left arm; the one with the charger. Brushing off the debris from the blast, Derpy throws the dismembered limb to the side and raises his left shoulder, exposing a triad of guns that extended upwards past his head.

I know what is coming. I keep a distance and flank him from behind several buildings as the shots from the gun triad annihilate the ground near me.

…and of course I forget to notice that there are people running and screaming like mindless ants below me. Typical giant robot fights in urban areas are typical.

I roll with a shot charged up and fire at the guns. They burst on impact and the automated shots cease. However, there was still a gesture of confidence in Derpy. With his attached arm, he reaches for his back, grabs the hilt of a giant blade, and pulls it out, pointing the blade at me. I begin charging another shot, but Derpy lunges and arcs the blade in my direction. I sway out of its path and push him over, dashing to the side and aiming my charged shot at him again, firing but missing by a few feet. Derpy gets to his feet and holds the blade horizontally in front of him, ready to pounce.

I begin to charge another shot, but the blade begins to glow and Derpy slices the air in front of him, launching a crescent of blue energy that knocks me several meters back and scratching my chest piece. I stagger to my feet but Derpy meets me there with a sword to the neck, winding up for a coup-de-gras. I roll over at the last second and the blade is stuck in the ground. I get up and hook Derpy’s neck with my arm, lifting him off the ground and slamming him into the concrete.

While he lies in near defeat, I charge a shot hoping for it to be my last and aim it at Derpy’s head, but the shot misses as Derpy’s upper body detaches and hovers around me. His legs get up as well, kicking me to the ground and catching up with its other half. From where my head was, my eyes catch sight of Derpy’s suit reassembling and walking towards where I think his limb was blasted off.

I know what he is doing and scramble to my feet, dashing towards him at adrenaline speed and tackling him. He hacks at me blindly with his blade but I grab it and throw it to the side. Derpy kicks out and dives at where his limb lay, holding it in the proper socket and auto-welding it back in place, preparing a shot specially made for me. I resort to the long-distance flanking method and set my path around him, preparing a shot of my own, but my gun begins to smoke and the charge starts to fade.

Seeing as my long-distance combat advantage is diminished, I toss the gun and raise my arm as a large axe forms and I charge at Derpy. He has a shot aimed at me and he fires, but I flank the projectile and keep my momentum, launching myself into his being and hack my axe into his shoulder, dismembering the limb again. This time, I take the limb and chop it up into pieces, getting back to pummeling Derpy just as he has his blade re-wielded and clashed with mine.

A tense stare takes place between me and the goldfish as our blades are pushed against each other. My master loves Derpy, so if I don’t find a way to defeat him without killing him, I’m dog bait. But as soon as my thoughts get too deep, Derpy pushes me off and spins around to deliver a massive slice to my head. I duck, and Derpy loses his balance and falls over, lying on his back.

I see no reason to continue, so I check to see if there is a hint of fight left in Derpy, but he looks like he is out of it. So I reach out and grab Derpy’s tank head, extending a tube that sucks him into my cockpit and I put him in my water bowl that is there just in case I am thirsty in the middle of a battle that I doubt I will get any breaks from, but oh well. I managed to stop him once again, and with that thought, I rush home before my master gets there and realizes that both of his pets are gone and destroying the city.

Cause that would be crazy, right?

[Bahamut - Envoy of the End]

Erm, k?

It's not the story itself that bothers me; it was random fun of sorts that serves its target market, which I'm not in. It's just the way it was presented.

A lot of the sentances were so simplistic, especially in the way that one was used to open each paragraph, it felt like I was reading something that would be found on a bookshelf next to 'The Very Hungry Caterpillar'. I'm not saying that every single sentence should be a long line of very large and impressive variations of your extensive googled vocabulary (), but starting nearly every paragraph with 'I go for a pee', 'I need something to eat', 'I am bored', just felt almost mind-numbing after a while. Unless you were aiming for the Very Hungry Cateripllar market?

Cool for the younger readers I'm sure, but the build up to the fight was tedious. Sorry

[Thar]

[quote name='Majestic Star Bahamut' timestamp='1340478825' post='5961528']
Sorry
[/quote]

Never apologize when giving an opinion.
I don't mind. In fact, I'm only experimenting with this "perspective" writing style that I used to describe the happenings in a wrestling fic I wrote.
Plus the whole "children's book" feel was intentional. I find writing for a young audience to be much easier and more fun. ^^

[Bahamut - Envoy of the End]

[quote name='Crimson Thar' timestamp='1340479428' post='5961534']
Never apologize when giving an opinion.[/quote]

Ha ha. Fair enough.

[quote]
I don't mind. In fact, I'm only experimenting with this "perspective" writing style that I used to describe the happenings in a wrestling fic I wrote.
Plus the whole "children's book" feel was intentional. I find writing for a young audience to be much easier and more fun. ^^
[/quote]

Anyone can always appreciate a good childrens book. Captain Underpants for example.

Tra-la-LAAAA!

[Thar]

[quote name='Majestic Star Bahamut' timestamp='1340479971' post='5961538']
Anyone can always appreciate a good childrens book. Captain Underpants for example.

Tra-la-LAAAA!
[/quote]

Captain Underpants has got to be one of my favorite comic books ever. Along with Calvin & Hobbes and Garfield.

[Jolta]

This appeals to young and old alike. You can't deny that not many can do that.
Odd, but pure... nais.

[Thar]

[quote name='Lilly Satou' timestamp='1340710355' post='5962629']
This appeals to young and old alike. You can't deny that not many can do that.
Odd, but pure... nais.
[/quote]

Thanks. ^^
Not sure if I'll be writing more anytime soon, but I definitely will brainstorm a lot.