Mugendramon Posted June 3, 2013 Report Share Posted June 3, 2013 Umm, being in Australia and having some kind of life? You have one of those? I thought they were extinct around this forum. Now regarding the cat, it will be a market test to see how many people are so addicted to the internet that they'll watch a stupid movie whose selling point is a cat with a particular facial expression. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sploda Posted June 3, 2013 Report Share Posted June 3, 2013 To solve the whole, who is hammiest issue... It's either DMG or myself simply because we started...2-4 RPs about the FTK and made god-knows how many corny speeches and all that shit. Not to mention I built a Spaceship the size of the freakin moon... That was Waffle Powered for the longest time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jake the Sage Posted June 3, 2013 Author Report Share Posted June 3, 2013 To solve the whole, who is hammiest issue... It's either DMG or myself simply because we started...2-4 RPs about the FTK and made god-knows how many corny speeches and all that shit. Not to mention I built a Spaceship the size of the freakin moon... That was Waffle Powered for the longest time. Hey some of those speeches were good though (83) And what is the Ultima running on now? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sploda Posted June 3, 2013 Report Share Posted June 3, 2013 Oh, a cyclic dimension core that constantly draws Fusion power from a rip in the longitudinal warpspace. Or we can call it Handwavium. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lt. Colonel Remo Posted June 3, 2013 Report Share Posted June 3, 2013 Oh, a cyclic dimension core that constantly draws Fusion power- So you have Fuse locked up somewhere and you're draining power from him? That's kind of messed up br- -from a rip in the longitudinal warpspace. Oh Nevermind Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jake the Sage Posted June 3, 2013 Author Report Share Posted June 3, 2013 So you have Fuse locked up somewhere and you're draining power from him? I swear that was the first thing that ran through my mind when I read 'fusion' and it's good to know that I'm not the only one . . . So basically the Ultima now has it's power generated through constantly flapping your hands up and down. Sounds cost effective but the power output must be sh*t (XD) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sploda Posted June 4, 2013 Report Share Posted June 4, 2013 @Jake About as effective as a guy who spends all his time saying he's coming out with a story for people to read when all the time he spends SAYING he is working on it could be used to work on it. So, where is my DEF II bish? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jake the Sage Posted June 4, 2013 Author Report Share Posted June 4, 2013 About as effective as a guy who spends all his time saying he's coming out with a story for people to read when all the time he spends SAYING he is working on it could be used to work on it. So, where is my DEF II bish? I'm doing a review of it to make sure I haven't gotten some information messed up. I already told DF this when he asked me, but real life problems stopped me for a good while on writing anything concrete. Though I guess I can show you guys a scene to further placate you all so I can get back to work. [spoiler=SPRING FESTIVAL GO! Sandy White Beaches and Problems of the Heart?] -Location Change: Point Isle- The ‘Saint Anne’ pulled into the Point Isle dock and hissed in protest as the propellers slowed to a halt. Stepping off of the boat first Daniel rushed onto dry land and fell to his knees, “About time! Finally, solid ground . . .” “Come on Daniel look up!” Al stated added in, stopping beside his friend, offering his hand, “Enough with the pity party. Look at this place!” Daniel glanced up, his eyes stinging from the sunlight reflecting off of the white sand. Standing up his mouth hanged open a bit as he looked in awe at the beautiful sprawling white beaches in front of his eyes. Just beyond the white sands was some palm trees gently swaying in the light breeze which still smelled like the sea. Taking in a deep breath he raised his hands up, the warmth of the sun beating down on his neck, then exhaled. “Oh Wow!” Kari shouts stepping off of the ‘Saint Anne’ and kicked off her shoes to feel the soft sand between her toes. Standing beside Kari, Akane gasped in amazement too and had to catch her hat when the wind blew it off, putting it back on, “I forgot how beautiful this place is.” Even the trio was amazed at the sight of the clear white sands shinning in the sun’s rays. Unfortunately their bliss was ruined when Sarah and Keiko shout from behind them, “Make way!” Turning Fusion, DL, and El’s eyes grew wide before all three were ran over leaving them twitching on the ground as the twins run down the beach. Watching the twins run down the beach Rue laughed, her hands on her hips, “Wow look at them go.” “It’s good to see that they’re enjoying themselves already,” Kari stated helping DL up off the ground and gently brushing the powdered sand off of his face. Turning to look at the boardwalk Fusion motions towards the Spring Festival, “Who’s ready to go have some fun?” “I wonder if we’ll have time to do everything,” Aka wonders tilting her sunglasses down to look at the hundreds of vendors of every shape and size squeezed into the limited space on the boardwalk, each with their very own operatory trying his or her hardest to attract as many customers as possible; a shifting wind also brings with it the delicious smell of all of the food carts. “Afraid you’ll get tired old woman?” Kari giggles bumping her hip against Akane. “Ha! If only,” Aka bumps Kari back, “I’m just worried about you Kari.” “Well let’s go!” David shouts and then runs off with the parents following behind him. Stopping Aka turns to the other children still on the beach, “Daniel! Al! Sarah! Keiko! We’re going to the Festival! Are you coming?” “No thanks Aunt Aka!” Al shouted back waving. Aka nods her head, smiling, and turns her back to let the teenagers have their own fun. “Can you believe this place?” Sarah shouts spinning around on the white sand, kicking it up with her heel. “This place really is paradise,” Keiko admits removing her sandals then laying down on her stomach so the sun warmed her entire body. Opening one eye Keiko looked back at Al, who was waving his hand at her mother, “What does Mom want Al?” “She wanted to know if we wanted to go check out the Festival.” “Can’t you tell I’m working on a tan?” Keiko answered back closing her eyes resting her head back on the ground. Narrowing his eyes at her Al mumbled, “Yeah I can tell that . . .” “So what do we do first?” Daniel asked picking up a shell and tossing it into the rolling surf. Sarah clapped her hands, a grin on her face, “Well we’re at the beach so let’s catch some waves . . . but first!” Walking over to her sister Sarah kicked some sand onto her back to get her attention, “Come on sis, time to lose the baggy shirt look.” “Oh, okay,” Keiko agreed standing up and grabbed the hem of her shirt, pulling it up past her stomach with all intent on taking it off right there on the beach. “W-Whoa! Hold on Keiko!” Daniel shouted looking away as his sister, “Aren’t you supposed to change in a room or something?” “Why?” Sarah asked her shirt already off and the button to her shorts undone leaving the front open, “It’s just a bra and panties. Seriously a bikini is the same thing when you think about it . . .” “Yeah, but,” Daniel began stopping when Sarah and Keiko threw their discarded cloths at him. Standing in the middle of the beach Sarah shook her head to get all of her hair then pull the one braided strand back into place, “Much better.” Turning to look at Al the blond grins, tugging on the frilly black bra, “How do I look?” “Uh . . . well . . . ah . . . .” Al took a minute to say something, “I think you should at least stop pulling on your top before everything pops out for the world to see.” “Oh please, I’m just straightening it,” Sarah stated waving him off, but released her top all the same, “Besides you’re the pervert staring.” “I was not!” Al snapped back, but Sarah and Keiko had already dived heard first into the waves. Staring at the ocean Al and Daniel spotted Keiko surface first, Sarah coming up a few seconds later. Looking over at Al, arms still full of clothes, Daniel asks, “What do you think we should do with this stuff?” “Sorry man,” Al said shoving the pile of cloths into Daniel’s arms, waving as he started to walk away, “But they’re your sisters so that’s something you have to figure out for yourself! I’m going to go get something to eat!” “Al! Don’t leave me hanging here man! AL!” Daniel shouted. Looking back at his sisters swimming in the ocean, down to their clothes, then at Al running off Daniel groans, “Damn it!” Running over to a bench Daniel puts the set of clothes down and chases after Al, “Hey I’m coming too!!!” After Daniel had finally caught up with Al both walked through the booths, corndog in hand. The vendors were nothing special or at least not any different from the city fair, but they were entertaining nonetheless. A man with a swirly mustache tapped the end of a cane against a wooden box to get Daniel and Al’s attention, though only succeeded in catching Daniel’s. Grinning he motioned at the prizes his booth offered, “Try your luck lad?” “What’s the game?” “A test of skill!” the vendor stated pointing to the tank with a small bulls-eye on it, “Just dunk someone in the booth in three tries and you’ll win a marvelous hand carved mask! Only $3 per game, $10 for 3 tries!” Daniel looked at the masks, “They look more plastic than wood,” he thought before shrugging his shoulders. They were here for fun anyways and he was certain he could dunk someone in three tries, “Hey Al, why don’t you climb into the booth?” Daniel didn’t get an answer. Al had been thinking about Lisa the entire time they were walking and by now he was lost in through. “We could win some masks . . . they’d be sway souvenirs, right?” Again Daniel got nothing. Stopping and turning, arms crossed, Daniel waits until Al walks into the corndog stick, “Dude pay attention when I’m talking to you.” “Sorry,” Al apologizes though still mostly lost in thought. Groaning Daniel runs a hand over his face, shaking it, “Dude I get that you’re disappointed Lisa decided not to come, but you can’t keep sulking over it.” “Who said I was sulking!?” Al snapped “It’s all over your face man,” Daniel pointed out shrugging, “I’ll just leave you to yourself then. Come find me when you’re ready to have some fun.” [/spoiler] Note: Since I am writing and then reviewing, as well as having my three beta readers look through for mistakes, things are up for change so what you've just read might not be the way it is when I post the real thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Warden Posted June 4, 2013 Report Share Posted June 4, 2013 You know once it comes out I'm going to be straight on your case right? Very few things escapes the, wait for it... HEART BREAKERS! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jake the Sage Posted June 4, 2013 Author Report Share Posted June 4, 2013 You know once it comes out I'm going to be straight on your case right? Very few things escapes the, wait for it... HEART BREAKERS! *tilts head* Straight on my case? You mean you're going to be very critical of the story, right? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sploda Posted June 4, 2013 Report Share Posted June 4, 2013 Well if he isn't I will be. If this thing even so much as smudges DEF's reputation as a story I will be sure to have Black lock the thread in a heartbeat. I won't tolerate weak heirs to a legacy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jake the Sage Posted June 4, 2013 Author Report Share Posted June 4, 2013 Well if he isn't I will be. If this thing even so much as smudges DEF's reputation as a story I will be sure to have Black lock the thread in a heartbeat. I won't tolerate weak heirs to a legacy. I believe I've been writing a pretty good and suspenseful story with what I've been given (TToTT) That little piece even shows I included the beach scene . . . and there is comedy too . . . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Warden Posted June 4, 2013 Report Share Posted June 4, 2013 Of course I will Jake. You've been so kind as to constantly build yourself up, who wouldn't want to relish the opportunity to knock your ass down? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kazooie Posted June 4, 2013 Report Share Posted June 4, 2013 Of course I will Jake. You've been so kind as to constantly build yourself up, who wouldn't want to relish the oppertunity to knock your ass down? This is how I feel about it right now. Part of the reason I didn't mind the original DEF is that Fuse wasn't the one who built it up. I didn't particularly enjoy the story myself, but I respected Fuse because I know he legit wanted to improve his writing as he went and did his best to represent everyone accurately, even if he shouldn't have at some points. He realized this and eventually he stopped putting people in just for the sake of it. With you Jake, it kinda feels like you think you're perfect as you are and things along that line, you've built expectations way far beyond what would have been smart. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jake the Sage Posted June 4, 2013 Author Report Share Posted June 4, 2013 OH come on! All I've been saying is that I'm excited to be writing a story for here and that I am still working on it. You guys even pester me about it, Creator just did. I'm not doing this to please people. I want to just write and interesting story. Not everyone is going to like it, I know that. Hell! I know right now some people are going to down right hate it. I was never planning on this for "the glory", "the fame", "the lulz" . . . okay some parts are for the lulz but the point is I'm writing this because I want to give everyone an interesting story and see what my reviews will be on how I write. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spirit of DMG Posted June 4, 2013 Report Share Posted June 4, 2013 Jake, I hate waiting. When DEF II comes out, I'd better be truly impressed. If not, then I will find you. And I will force you listen to Justin Bieber until the day you die. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jake the Sage Posted June 4, 2013 Author Report Share Posted June 4, 2013 Jake, I hate waiting. When DEF II comes out, I'd better be truly impressed. If not, then I will find you. And I will force you listen to Justin Bieber until the day you die. No! You cruel sadistic b*stard! LOL Then again I've managed to stand listening to Lady Gaga *shivers* So I think I could easily tune out Justin Bieber. Yeah, again, sorry this is taking so long. Life keeps getting in the way and lets not forget that I actually had lost a good bit of work, a chapter or two, when my computer had crashed. But with summer I'm going to be able to power through a lot. And I don't care if people are critical about the story, I actually want that, but please please don't be too critical that it's ridiculous. [spoiler=SPRING FESTIVAL GO! Sandy White Beaches and Problems of the Heart?] -Location Change: Point Isle- The ‘Saint Anne’ pulled into the Point Isle dock and hissed in protest as the propellers slowed to a halt. Stepping off of the boat first Daniel rushed onto dry land and fell to his knees, “About time! Finally, solid ground . . .” “Come on Daniel look up!” Al stated added in, stopping beside his friend, offering his hand, “Enough with the pity party. Look at this place!” Daniel glanced up, his eyes stinging from the sunlight reflecting off of the white sand. Standing up his mouth hanged open a bit as he looked in awe at the beautiful sprawling white beaches in front of his eyes. Just beyond the white sands was some palm trees gently swaying in the light breeze which still smelled like the sea. Taking in a deep breath he raised his hands up, the warmth of the sun beating down on his neck, then exhaled. “Oh Wow!” Kari shouts stepping off of the ‘Saint Anne’ and kicked off her shoes to feel the soft sand between her toes. Standing beside Kari, Akane gasped in amazement too and had to catch her hat when the wind blew it off, putting it back on, “I forgot how beautiful this place is.” Even the trio was amazed at the sight of the clear white sands shinning in the sun’s rays. Unfortunately their bliss was ruined when Sarah and Keiko shout from behind them, “Make way!” Turning Fusion, DL, and El’s eyes grew wide before all three were ran over leaving them twitching on the ground as the twins run down the beach. Watching the twins run down the beach Rue laughed, her hands on her hips, “Wow look at them go.” “It’s good to see that they’re enjoying themselves already,” Kari stated helping DL up off the ground and gently brushing the powdered sand off of his face. Turning to look at the boardwalk Fusion motions towards the Spring Festival, “Who’s ready to go have some fun?” “I wonder if we’ll have time to do everything,” Aka wonders tilting her sunglasses down to look at the hundreds of vendors of every shape and size squeezed into the limited space on the boardwalk, each with their very own operatory trying his or her hardest to attract as many customers as possible; a shifting wind also brings with it the delicious smell of all of the food carts. “Afraid you’ll get tired old woman?” Kari giggles bumping her hip against Akane. “Ha! If only,” Aka bumps Kari back, “I’m just worried about you Kari.” “Well let’s go!” David shouts and then runs off with the parents following behind him. Stopping Aka turns to the other children still on the beach, “Daniel! Al! Sarah! Keiko! We’re going to the Festival! Are you coming?” “No thanks Aunt Aka!” Al shouted back waving. Aka nods her head, smiling, and turns her back to let the teenagers have their own fun. “Can you believe this place?” Sarah shouts spinning around on the white sand, kicking it up with her heel. “This place really is paradise,” Keiko admits removing her sandals then laying down on her stomach so the sun warmed her entire body. Opening one eye Keiko looked back at Al, who was waving his hand at her mother, “What does Mom want Al?” “She wanted to know if we wanted to go check out the Festival.” “Can’t you tell I’m working on a tan?” Keiko answered back closing her eyes resting her head back on the ground. Narrowing his eyes at her Al mumbled, “Yeah I can tell that . . .” “So what do we do first?” Daniel asked picking up a shell and tossing it into the rolling surf. Sarah clapped her hands, a grin on her face, “Well we’re at the beach so let’s catch some waves . . . but first!” Walking over to her sister Sarah kicked some sand onto her back to get her attention, “Come on sis, time to lose the baggy shirt look.” “Oh, okay,” Keiko agreed standing up and grabbed the hem of her shirt, pulling it up past her stomach with all intent on taking it off right there on the beach. “W-Whoa! Hold on Keiko!” Daniel shouted looking away as his sister, “Aren’t you supposed to change in a room or something?” “Why?” Sarah asked her shirt already off and the button to her shorts undone leaving the front open, “It’s just a bra and panties. Seriously a bikini is the same thing when you think about it . . .” “Yeah, but,” Daniel began stopping when Sarah and Keiko threw their discarded cloths at him. Standing in the middle of the beach Sarah shook her head to get all of her hair then pull the one braided strand back into place, “Much better.” Turning to look at Al the blond grins, tugging on the frilly black bra, “How do I look?” “Uh . . . well . . . ah . . . .” Al took a minute to say something, “I think you should at least stop pulling on your top before everything pops out for the world to see.” “Oh please, I’m just straightening it,” Sarah stated waving him off, but released her top all the same, “Besides you’re the pervert staring.” “I was not!” Al snapped back, but Sarah and Keiko had already dived heard first into the waves. Staring at the ocean Al and Daniel spotted Keiko surface first, Sarah coming up a few seconds later. Looking over at Al, arms still full of clothes, Daniel asks, “What do you think we should do with this stuff?” “Sorry man,” Al said shoving the pile of cloths into Daniel’s arms, waving as he started to walk away, “But they’re your sisters so that’s something you have to figure out for yourself! I’m going to go get something to eat!” “Al! Don’t leave me hanging here man! AL!” Daniel shouted. Looking back at his sisters swimming in the ocean, down to their clothes, then at Al running off Daniel groans, “Damn it!” Running over to a bench Daniel puts the set of clothes down and chases after Al, “Hey I’m coming too!!!” After Daniel had finally caught up with Al both walked through the booths, corndog in hand. The vendors were nothing special or at least not any different from the city fair, but they were entertaining nonetheless. A man with a swirly mustache tapped the end of a cane against a wooden box to get Daniel and Al’s attention, though only succeeded in catching Daniel’s. Grinning he motioned at the prizes his booth offered, “Try your luck lad?” “What’s the game?” “A test of skill!” the vendor stated pointing to the tank with a small bulls-eye on it, “Just dunk someone in the booth in three tries and you’ll win a marvelous hand carved mask! Only $3 per game, $10 for 3 tries!” Daniel looked at the masks, “They look more plastic than wood,” he thought before shrugging his shoulders. They were here for fun anyways and he was certain he could dunk someone in three tries, “Hey Al, why don’t you climb into the booth?” Daniel didn’t get an answer. Al had been thinking about Lisa the entire time they were walking and by now he was lost in through. “We could win some masks . . . they’d be sway souvenirs, right?” Again Daniel got nothing. Stopping and turning, arms crossed, Daniel waits until Al walks into the corndog stick, “Dude pay attention when I’m talking to you.” “Sorry,” Al apologizes though still mostly lost in thought. Groaning Daniel runs a hand over his face, shaking it, “Dude I get that you’re disappointed Lisa decided not to come, but you can’t keep sulking over it.” “Who said I was sulking!?” Al snapped “It’s all over your face man,” Daniel pointed out shrugging, “I’ll just leave you to yourself then. Come find me when you’re ready to have some fun.” [/spoiler] Note: Since I am writing and then reviewing, as well as having my three beta readers look through for mistakes, things are up for change so what you've just read might not be the way it is when I post the real thing. But what does everyone thing? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thar Posted June 4, 2013 Report Share Posted June 4, 2013 What do I think? I think it was pretty good. Then again, what do I know? Not too much action, to my minor distaste, but I laughed at the anime-esque "twitching on the ground after being run over" thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spirit of DMG Posted June 4, 2013 Report Share Posted June 4, 2013 "Who said I was sulking?" "Dude, you walked into a corndog stick." Okay, it was mildly entertaining. I'll be here when you decide to post the rest of it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jake the Sage Posted June 4, 2013 Author Report Share Posted June 4, 2013 No ones gonna comment on Sarah and Keiko stripping on the beach? I thought that'd be the hilarious thing of the story (Oo.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thar Posted June 4, 2013 Report Share Posted June 4, 2013 No ones gonna comment on Sarah and Keiko stripping on the beach? I thought that'd be the hilarious thing of the story (Oo.) I sort of chuckled at the part where Sarah threw her clothes at DL, but overall the humor in that is just sorta "awkward yet it got me imagining things" feel. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jake the Sage Posted June 4, 2013 Author Report Share Posted June 4, 2013 I sort of chuckled at the part where Sarah threw her clothes at DL, but overall the humor in that is just sorta "awkward yet it got me imagining things" feel. You mean Daniel? *pauses* Wait DL and his son both have the initials DL . . . sh*t I didn't realize that (XD) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Warden Posted June 5, 2013 Report Share Posted June 5, 2013 Kari's first line involved a present tense verb in a past tense piece. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TatteredSleeves Posted June 5, 2013 Report Share Posted June 5, 2013 So i quit writing about everyone and Jake picks up where I left off? Is that what I'm seeing here? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mugendramon Posted June 5, 2013 Report Share Posted June 5, 2013 So if I get it right people stripping on the beach is hilarious? Perhaps you'll laugh for an entire week if I tell you nudist beaches exist and that is nothing new. So i quit writing about everyone and Jake picks up where I left off? Is that what I'm seeing here? Unless you wrote DEF, it's not what you're seeing here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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