The Topic With Two Fics. [HERO Towers/PG-13/Chap. 3][Life at Master's Dragon School/PG-13-15/Chap. 3 is ready!] I will give reps+points for comments.

[Alice Moonflowyr]

Thanks Hatcher. Eventually, I hope to make these better than they are. I suck at writing beginnings, but my middles and endings usually pay off.

HERO Towers awnsers.
Stratos is the main character, and I always liked the idea of having the main character's scenes be written out in first-person, from their point of view, and all of the non-main char scenes in third person. Just something I'm messing with.

The Dark Scorpion thing is there to show some more of Stratos's personality, and because the HEROs havent really done anything heroic except for the Ice Barrier thing. Like Bahamut pointed out, they're HEROs. They're teh good guys, so I show them doing good guy stuff. The next chap. shows Stratos'....bad side, shall we say.

As for the wings, they were an excuse to get Stratos to Kagemusha, and have Kagemusha go on a big Exposition Rainbow about the 6Sams. Along with getting him to the Dark Scorpions. But also, his wings DO need to be recharged, seeing as they're electric. They cant make a huge trip from the Hero City to the Castle of Mist in one flat-out go. Eventually, Kagemusha will give a mini-speech about the LSS, and provide a slight hinderance to Stratos.

As for why Stratos got sent to the Sams, it's because he's the Main Character. Shien will end up being a jerk, and give Stratos a hard time trying to convince him.

Neos is the current leader of the HERO's. They've gone through about three leaders. It gets explained.

The Dark Scorpion scene was to slightly justify what Stratos does later on. And to show other characters. I plan for them to appear again.

As for the Dragunity-Xsaber scenes, they were simple badguy intro scenes. The Dragunity will have another plan, but I dont want to explain/give away everything now, do I? :3

The other HERO's get their personalities soon. Avian already has his. The happy-go-lucky guy. That little moronic dunce that everyone loves. Neos has a very commanding, very 'take charge' personality that will show up eventually.

As for the second meeting, Stratos gets filled in soon enough.

Stratos isnt reckless. Him and Neos just REALLY dont like each other.

So, yeah. Further emphasizing the fact that I suck at beginnings, it all gets explained.

LaMDS
Once more, I suck at beginnings A. Lot. But the roles you place the characters in are rather accurate, with some minor errors.
Silverthorn IS the New Girl, but soon gets past that.
Avalanche isnt an a****** per say, but simply a unique dragon that does his own thing. The students admire him greatly, whereas the teachers hate him. Him and Evergreen are the Fred and George of LaMDS.
Flamethrower aint no jerk. He is probably one of the characters in this story with the most personality, second to Avalanche.
Evergreen gets more screen time. Soon.
Totally NOT MLP based. Nuh uh. It gets waaay too dark.

They get sent to school, to learn. Breath Magic is the dragon's breath weapon, which is a main combat thing. Evocation is something they can use everyday stuff with, along with combat.

Silverthorn is a Crystal-Ice dragon. She cannot use Ice in Evocation, or Crystal in Breath. Simple enough. Also, each has different...sublties...that are shown eventually. Breath Magic is more basic, whereas Evocation is more complex.

Avalanche completely explains how he knew someone got in the passage. And it's quite amazing that no one has figured out where it goes yet...but Avalanche would have known if one of the Arks had gotten in. He will explain that further.

The plot is twisting in even now. Hints have gotten dropped, and it is revealed in the next couple chapters or so. But for now, I'm working on developing characters, especially Silverthorn, Flamethrower, and Evergreen.


Thanks for the review tho Pika. But again, I suck at beginnings. Once I get the main plot in motion for LaMDS, you might end up agreeing that its pretty cool. As for HERO Towers, I hope to get that in motion in chap 5.
Thanks again!

[Catterjune]

[quote]HERO Towers awnsers.[/quote]
Not only do I not care about your answers, I also won't read them.

Your story should speak for itself. No one else. The story should come 100 percent from the writing within, not from some outside interview or some [url=http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/WordOfGod]Word of God[/url] type of explanation. The story speaks, not you.

[Alice Moonflowyr]

[quote name='Hatcher' timestamp='1332371462' post='5882825']
Not only do I not care about your answers, I also won't read them.

Your story should speak for itself. No one else. The story should come 100 percent from the writing within, not from some outside interview or some [url="http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/WordOfGod"]Word of God[/url] type of explanation. The story speaks, not you.
[/quote]Well then, you might end up waiting a few chapters for awnsers. Liek I said, I suck at beginnings.

[Catterjune]

The point of asking questions in a review isn't to get a legitimate answer. It's to get something changed in the fic, or to get something changed in later installments.

[Alice Moonflowyr]

[quote name='Hatcher' timestamp='1332424751' post='5883482']
The point of asking questions in a review isn't to get a legitimate answer. It's to get something changed in the fic, or to get something changed in later installments.
[/quote]Which is what I plan on doing. Dun worry, I really will try to get it better.

[Vairocana]

[spoiler=Dragons chapter1]Silverthorn stood outside the Dragon School, shivering with nervousness. It was her first day at Master’s Dragon School, [s]and she was very nervous[/s][b](You said she was shivering with nervousness. You do not have to then say she was nervous)[/b]. The crowd of dragons around her was so big, it rather unbalanced her. She knew she couldn’t stay out there forever though and, taking a deep breath, walked through the open doors.

She barely had time to take in the vastness of the entrance hall[b](There's a saying in writing- Show, don't tell. You've told us the entrance hall is vast, I'd rather you show us, be it with a cavernous ceiling that is shrouded in darkness, towering pillars that support the ceiling, etc)[/b] before she was swept along with the crowd. She worked her way to the edge, where she bumped into a flame-colored dragon.

“Oof! Sorry, didn’t see you there!” he said quickly, then continued to walk off. Silverthorn stared after him for a few seconds, then shook her head and tried to find the welcome room. If this place even had one.

“You lost miss?” came a deep voice from behind her. Silverthorn turned and saw a very, [i]very[/i] large dragon. Its scales were brown, and shining.

“Uh….kinda, yeah.” She told the dragon.

He smiled and said; “First year eh? Don’t worry. Soon enough, you’ll know these corridors quite well. I’m Master.”

Silverthorn gasped. “THE Master?” she asked.

Master spread his arms and said; “The one and only! Come on, I’ll show you where to go.” Master led her towards a rather large door made of iron[b](large is so boring. Towering, massive, gigantic, mammoth-- there are so many more exciting words to describe size)[/b], and it opened at a snap of his fingers. “This is the orientation hall for the new dragons. Don’t cause trouble.” He said as he walked away.

…

After orientation was over, which was basically a speech from a teacher about the rules, history of the school, and the student schedule[b](I'm not sure that should have been summarized. Think of Harry Potter, think of how much exposition Rowling managed to incorporate into the opening ceremony)[/b], Silverthorn walked towards her dorm. She was in the North Wing of the school, fifth tower on the right, third floor, second hallway, eighth door on the left. As she opened the door to her cave, she found that it already had all her stuff in it. She yawned and threw herself onto the bed, and slept[b](describe the room a little)[/b].

The next morning, she looked at her schedule, and saw that her first class was in Breath Magic. She hurried over to the classroom, and sat down next to a flame-red dragon.

The teacher walked up to his desk at the front and, clearing his throat, began.

“Welcome to your first Breath Magic class! I am Professor Steelscale, and I will be your teacher. Now, Breath Magic is something all dragons should be able to do in one form or another, and it is basically taking your base element, and blasting it out of your mouth.”

The flame-red dragon raised his hand and said; “Uhhh….but if you’re a fire type or something like it…wouldn’t that hurt your mouth?” he asked.

“No. You are essentially immune to whatever magic you are using until you release it. But good question though. What’s your name?” Professor Steelscale asked him.

“My name’s Flamethrower sir.” Flamethrower answered.

“Good name. Now, I want you all to look inside the jar that you will find under your desk.” Steelscale continued.

Silverthorn located the jar easily enough, and found it was filled with water.

“Why does mine have DIRT in it!” shouted a brown-scaled dragon from across the room.

“Each jar has inside it something that can be affected by your type. You are an Earth Dragon; therefore, you have dirt in your jar. Flamethrower over there is a Fire Dragon, hence he has coal. Now, I want you all to imagine affecting whatever is inside your jar in one way or another, and breath on it.”

Silverthorn opened her jar, and stared at the water. [i]Well, I AM an Ice Dragon. So I should imagine freezing it. [/i]Silverthorn pictured the water freezing over, and then slowly breathed out on it. With a crackling sound akin to stepping on frost, the water’s surface froze slowly over.

“Hey! I got something!” she exclaimed.

Professor Steelscale walked over to her desk and leaned over her jar, and said; “Ah! An Ice-Dragon! And a very talented one too, [s]seeing as[/s] not many can freeze over three inches of the surface on their first try. Very good! What is your name young lady?”

“S-Silverthorn sir.” She stammered at him.

“Now, now, no need to be nervous! Great job indeed, high marks for you!” Steelscale clapped Silverthorn’s shoulder and headed over to his desk.

“Holy s***!” yelled Flamethrower. He had gone a little too far, and lit his desk on fire. A grey dragon collapsed out of his chair, laughing, when a blue-green dragon showed up and put out the fire. He ended up soaking Silverthorn as well.

“Now, now, it’s alright! That happens every first class with a Fire. Gets a little too enthusiastic! Avalanche, get your ass[b](the professor curses at his students?)[/b] up and stop laughing!”

The gray dragon [s]apparently[/s] known as Avalanche got up and, still giggling, sat down again. “Sorry, sir.” He said. “I was waiting for that. New guys never disappoint!”

Steelscale glared at Avalanche, then turned to Flamethrower and said; “Don’t mind Avalanche. He was held back for 4 years. He’s the infamous school prankster, and thinks this sort of stuff is funny.” Glaring at Avalanche again, he walked back over to his desk.

“Whoa. So that’s Avalanche. I got warned to watch out for him ya know. I thought he was some sorta delinquent, stealing and the like. Although now I think I like him!” Flamethrower muttered to Silverthorn.

After that fateful first class ended, Silverthorn and Flamethrower became friends. Best friends, actually. They even became friends with Avalanche and Evergreen, Avalanche’s partner-in-pranks. Those four had some great times at school together, which is what you’re going to read about…..[b](NO. NO. TAKE OUT THIS LAST PARAGRAPH, BURN IT TO THE GROUND, BURY IT AND NEVER THINK ABOUT IT AGAIN. Do NOT tell us they became friends with so and so, and ESPECIALLY do not tell us "this is what we're going to read about." SHOW US THESE THINGS.)[/b][/spoiler]

[b]Work on showing, and not telling. I think you should read (or reread) the first Harry Potter book (becuase it has a very similar premise to your story). But while reading it, actually pay attention to what Rowling is doing. See how she describes things and characters, how she shows relationships instead of just telling the reader about it. Notice her language and how she establishes mood.[/b]

[b]The other thing that's happening right now is the "so what?" effect. Why do we care that Silverthorn is going to school? Present us with conflict right away, otherwise the reader will lose interest. Once again, let's look [/b][b]at Harry Potter. Starting at the first chapter (excluding the prologue), we have a young boy Harry who is trapped with his terrible relatives that treat him like crap (conflict), trapping his cousin in a snake exhibit (conflict), and Vernon trying to avoid mail being delivered by owls (conflict). Read any sort of book about creative writing and they'll all tell you the same thing: start with conflict. Hook your reader. Publishers won't read more than a page of your manuscript, you should have your conflict introduced wihtin the first few paragraphs, and certainly within the first chapter.[/b]

[b]Another thing to consider as this story progresses is your characters. This is pretty simple, just ask three questions: What are your charcters wants, needs, and flaws? What does your character desire? What do they actually need (different from what they want), and what is keeping them from achieving that (their flaw)?[/b]


[spoiler=dragons ch2]
Silverthorn had been at the School for a week now, and was quite enjoying it. She had mastered freezing a small amount of water completely, and could also frost stuff over that wasn’t water. Except today, she attended a different class[b](so she's only gone to one class for a week? Not really how school works)[/b]. This time, she walked with Flamethrower and Avalanche over to Evocation class.

As Silverthorn sat down, she noticed that this classroom was very different from the Breath Magic class. There were targets lined up on the far wall, one of which had many scorch marks. On the other side of the room there was a shelf with assorted objects on it. She sat next to a golden dragon, who was deeply interested in a large book in his lap.

“Hello,” Silverthorn said to him. “My name’s Silverthorn. What’s yours?”

She got no reply, so she tried asking again. When she at last discovered that the dragon was not going to answer her, she huffed and stared around the room a little.

“ATTEN-TION!” A [s]loud[/s] voice boomed[b](a booming voice, by definition, is loud)[/b]. “I DEMAND you be quiet IMMIDIATLY!” The voice came from a bright orange dragon, who was obviously their teacher. “My name is Embers. Professor Embers. Now, you all need to shut up and listen. You didn’t come here to learn to talk, you came to learn Evocation.”

It was amazing how fast the room quieted down after that.

“Now. With Professor Steelscale, you learned the fundamentals of Breath Magic. Evocation is a bit more difficult th[b]a[/b]n Breath Magic. You all have a bowl in front of you. I want you to attempt to place something in it using magic.”

Avalanche sighed from across the room, and threw a few pebbles in[b](this sounds like he just picked up some rocks and threw them into the bowl)[/b]. Silverthorn didn’t get how he did that, so she tried the same thing that Steelscale told her. Picture what you are going to do, then let the magic flow. Except instead of her maw, she concentrated it on her palm.

As nothing happened, she started to wonder what was wrong. She thought about making a couple ice chunks in the bowl, but still nothing happened.

“Got a problem?” Professor Embers had walked up behind her, and sat down beside her.

“Yeah. I pictured making ice chunks in the bowl, tried to get the flow of magic to go through my palm, and nothing happened!” Silverthorn said, quite frustrated.

“Hmmm….hold on. I’ve seen this sort of thing before. Let me help.” [s]With those words[/s], Embers placed the tips of her fingers on Silverthorns temples. “Interesting….haven’t seen this hybrid for years…”

“H-hybrid?” Silverthorn asked hesitantly.

“Type hybrid. More than one type mixed together. It’s not that uncommon[b](if it's not uncommon, how come he hasn't seen it in years?)[/b], but if you get two conflicting types you might have a problem. However, your secondary type balances out your first one, while synchronizing with it quite well. Very unexpected.”

“Secondary type?! I didn’t know I had a secondary type!” Silverthorn exclaimed.

“Almost all dragons can master a second type of magic, though not easily. But you were born with this ability, so you will master the two quite easily.”

“Well…that’s good. But what IS my secondary type?”

“That’s the interesting part. You are a Crystal-Ice dragon.”

Crystal-Ice? That was something Silverthorn had never heard of.

“Tell me, do you know both of your parents?” Embers asked. “If you don’t mind my asking.”

“Oh no it’s fine. My father left when I was three[b](according to your extra notes (which is poor storytelling), that means she was actually 15? Which then doesn't make sense)[/b]. I never knew him, but Mother says he was a strong dragon, and a soldier.”

“Then that’s it. Your father must have been a Crystal dragon. Or a Crystal Ice dragon. But try to get some crystals in the bowl, like topaz or jade or something.”

Silverthorn had no idea what topaz was, but her mother had a large piece of jade in the garden. She thought of a smaller likeness of that piece, and closed her eyes and let the magic flow. This time she could feel it. A heat in her palm, warm and comforting at first, then searing hot like flame. She yelled and stopped. When she looked in the bowl there was a perfectly cut, slightly pulsating, piece of jade.

Embers applauded and told the class; “This is an extremely talented dragon! I haven’t seen a piece of crystal so well cut on the first try[/b]”

“But….why couldn’t I do Ice?” Silverthorn asked Embers.

“Like I said, I’ve seen this before. Your Evocation forte is Crystal, and Ice is your Breath Magic forte. I bet you if you tried to do something with crystals with your maw, nothing would happen.”

Silverthorn left the classroom that day very proud of herself, and with quite a bit to ponder on.

“That was friggin awesome!” Flamethrower said as he walked beside her. “You made a perfect crystal! Wonder if you’ll be able to make diamonds eventually….”

After the class, students had been pelting Silverthorn with questions, and it was starting to get on her nerves. Once Avalanche and Flamethrower shooed everyone away, and led Silverthorn away from the crowd, she felt better.[b](show don't tell show don't tell show don't tell show don't tell)[/b]

“Hey, I haven’t seen Evergreen around lately. What’s he doing?” Silverthorn asked Avalanche, who was examining part of the wall.

“Quiet down! None of the teachers know he's gone yet!” Avalanche whispered forcefully.

“Oh.” Silverthorn whispered back. “But then where’d he go?”

“Got a tip-off. Can’t tell you anything else. Gotta run.” Avalanche looked around, and then stole a quick glance back at the wall he was examining before turning and casually walking away.

Silverthorn walked over to the wall and ran her claw along it. She couldn’t find anything interesting, so she shrugged and started to head to lunch.

…

“Pssst! Silverthorn! In the corner!” Silverthorn was just dumping her plate in a large bin when she heard Avalanches whisper from the edge of the lunch room. She looked around, and then walked over.

“What’s up? Why are we in the corner? And what’s a tip-off?” Silverthorn asked.

“One at a time. We’re in the corner because I don’t want anyone to hear. A tip-off is when someone gives you information. What’s up is this. If you want to see history, be in corridor twelve at half-past three tomorrow.” With those words, he trotted off, leaving Silverthorn quite puzzled.[/spoiler]

[b]As of right now, them being dragons is a gimmick. Why are they dragons and not humans? If I replace the word "dragon" with "human" in every instance of this story, nothing changes. That's no good. Place more emphasis on their dragon-ness. They're eating off of plates and sleeping in beds, ffs. They sit in chairs, which can't be comfortable with tails.[/b]

[spoiler=dragons ch3]
“The hell? Why would he say history[b](becuase "making history" is a common phrase?)[/b]?” Flamethrower asked Silverthorn as they walked away from the lunch room.

“Dunno. I might end up going though. Wanna tag along?”

“Wouldn’t miss it. When Avalanche says stuff like that, you REALLY wanna be there.” Flamethrower smiled as he said that.

“Oddly enough, you’re right.”[b](I don't understand this sentence. Why is he oddly right?)[/b]

The rest of the day passed without much else. Flamethrower set his desk on fire again though, and got detention. Luckily, it was only for thirty minutes. As Silverthorn walked back towards her dorm, she passed that same section of wall again. Avalanche was nowhere near and, as curiosity reared its head, Silverthorn nervously looked around, and then felt the wall all over. She couldn’t feel anything at first, but then as she ran her claw through the cracks a second time, she caught on something.[b](for such an important wall, you've given us 0 description of it. I didn't know there were cracks in it until just now.)[/b]

Tugging on it, she heard a click and, with a large rumble, the stones folded back, and back again, until a small corridor was revealed. The stones inside were heavily coated with dirt and moss, and seemed slightly damp. Backing away, Silverthorn reversed the process with a small lever that had appeared, and then ran.

…

“The passage has been opened.”

“Huh. Wonder who coulda opened it; no one knows cept me and you.”

Avalanche and Evergreen[b] talked in hushed voices outside of the passageway the had opened again.[/b] [s]stood outside the passageway, which they had opened again, and were talking in hushed voices.[/s]

“Did anyone see you testing it?” [s]This came from[/s] [b]said [/b]Evergreen, who was poking his head inside. “Smells in there…”

“Silverthorn ran along right as it closed, but I don’t think she heard anything…”

“Make sure man. Can’t have operation S.M.T. messed up.”

“Yeah…I’ll ask her tomorrow morning.”

…

Silverthorn stretched as she crawled out of her cave. She had a very odd dream where she was in the tunnel she discovered, and she was walking along it, but never came out. It was endless. Shaking off the slight after-terror of the dream, Silverthorn headed to breakfast.

“Whoa…Going somewhere?” Avalanche was right outside the dorm, and had put an arm across the doorway, blocking Silverthorns way.

“What do you want?” Silverthorn sighed. “Hurry up, I’m hungry.”

“You went in the passage.” Avalanche stated. Didn’t ask, merely said.

Silverthorn’s shock was evident on her face. “How did you know?”

“Simple, really. It smelled clearer in there, and the only way that could have happened is if the entryway was open. It has no venting, and the other end hasn’t been open for years. When I first opened it, it was for a few seconds. You had it open for a full minute or so, judging by the smell.”[b](none of that proves it was her)[/b]

Silverthorn tried hard to keep a straight face. Avalanche was held back for [i]years[/i] and here he was, demonstrating his mastery of a very difficult tracking technique!

“Surprised? I can do quite a bit, but I really don’t WANT to advance. The harder classes take up more time, time that could be used for more….interesting…things.”

“Ok, yes, I did open it. Now can I go eat? I’m quite hungry[s] by now[/s].”

Avalanche moved his arm and said; “Yeah, fine. Just don’t mess with things you don’t know about. But if you disobey me, which I know you will[b],[/b] don’t give me that face, follow these rules. One, under no circumstances do NOT go into any passageway that you don’t know where it leads[b](Double negative. He just told her to go into passageways where she doesn't know where they lead.)[/b]. This school has some pretty nasty stuff hiding in it, [s]and not all of it is friendly[/s][b](if it is nasty, then it is BY NO MEANS FRIENDLY.)[/b]. Secondly[b](don't use secondly if you didn't use firstly.)[/b], try not to get caught. The punishment is quite severe. Thirdly and lastly, don’t hesitate to ask me or Evergreen for other tips. Meet Evergreen up at lunch today, he’ll give you a small piece of parchment that says “Homework” on it. It will actually be a map of all the basic secret passages that me and him found. Basic stuff like getting to classes quicker and general sneaking around. But don’t use them too much. Anyway, go eat.” Avalanche walked off, and started whistling.[b](so if he knows she won't listen to him about not messing with things she doesn't know about, what makes him think she'll listen to his "tips"?)[/b]

Thus started Silverthorn’s career as an Ark.[b](what is an Ark. What is an Ark. What is an Ark.)[/b]

After Silverthorn retrieved her map, she found that the envelope had a letter as well. She read it.

[i]Welcome to the Arks Silverthorn! As you might know, I run a circle of….schooldragons….called the Arks[b](SHE MIGHT KNOW, BUT I CERTAINLY DID NOT. WHERE DID THIS COME FROM AND WHY WAS IT NOT MENTIONED SOONER)[/b], who are basically my partners-in-almost-crime. We use the abundance of secret passages in the school, which teachers claim don’t exist, and discover others. You’re current rank is Noob[b](uhg. Don't. Please.)[/b]. We have a meeting tonight at midnight, where you will be formally inducted and introduced to the other members. Show if you want to join. In the meantime, I give you a list of ranks for you to pursue at your leisure[b]:[/b][/i]
[i]NOOB; A newbie to the group. How many: Too many to put on this paper.[/i][b](how have these guys not gotten caught if their organization is so big. These aren't hardened criminals, they're school children. Breaking this group would be a joke)[/b]
[i]TUNNELCRACKER: The next level up. How many: Still too many.[/i]
[i]NOVICE EXPLORER: The third level. How many: About ten currently.[/i]
[i]EXPLORER: The fourth level. How many: Maybe seven? They are usually up to their own thing, and don’t show up to the meetings much.[/i]
[i]Passage Finder[b](keep it consistent, put this in allcaps)[/b]: Highest rank. How many: Three. Me, Evergreen, and Nightwind. You’ll meet him soon. [/i]
[i]Peace,[/i]
[i]Avalanche.[/i]

“Ha! That’s pretty funny.” Even as those words came out of her mouth, Silverthorn was planning on how to escape tonight for the meeting.[b](Escape? Is she not allowed out of her dorm at night? See, I don't know that, because you didn't tell me)[/b]

She tried to get through her classes quickly as possible[b](how do you get through a class "as quickly as possible"? I have never had a class whose time was dependent on my ability to work)[/b], and ran to pick up Flamethrower. It was three o clock.

“What time are we supposed to be there anyway?” Flamethrower asked.

“Thirty minutes time. C’mon, run!” Silverthorn dashed off to Corridor Twelve.

When she reached it, Flamethrower huffing and puffing behind her, she smiled. It was 3:25.

“Five minutes until ‘history’ happens…” Flamethrower muttered.

The minutes passed slow as snails, and when three-thirty arrived, nothing happened.

“Huh? Where is he?” Silverthorn said.

Flamethrower was about to throw in the towel when Avalanche tore down the corridor, arms pumping and going fast as possible.

“Nice to bump into you guys!” He yelled. He had a look of glee on his face, like he had just stolen…

“No freaking way.” Flamethrower said, jaw dropping. “NO FREAKING WAY!”

“Yes freaking way, he has MASTERS TEDDY BEAR!” Silverthorn collapsed with laughter as Master almost flew down the hall in pursuit of Avalanche.

“Get back here you pathetic excuse for a dragon! I’ll have you expelled for this you soft-scaled bastard!” As Masters oaths got more and more colorful, Flamethrower and Silverthorn picked themselves up off the floor and slowly walked away, giggling the whole time.

“Daaamn. Avalanche has guts!” Silverthorn said.

“You know [s]that’s right[/s][b] it[/b]! It’s the dream of every dragon to snag his teddy bear. He has a freaking fetish for it.” Flamethrower told her.

“Why am I not surprised?”

…

The story was kept secret, so of course it was all over the school within a matter of hours. Avalanche had become even more of a celebrity, and people were talking about getting a statue of him on the school grounds. No matter how much people pressed him, he wouldn’t tell where he had hidden the teddy. Although, it soon got out that he didn’t know, because he handed it off to Evergreen. Evergreen was threatened with expulsion, but he still didn’t budge. “They can’t expel me, cus then they’ll never find out where it is!” He said.

As Master got increasingly nervous, he resolved to shut himself in his office until he got the bear back. Not only did this cause problems, it saved him from mocking. So he got both ends of the deal.

Nightwind, as it turned out, figured out how to take it in the first place and didn’t tell anyone how.

Silverthorns life just got a little more interesting, as she decided that night to join the Arks. She put her letter and map in a bag, and got ready to go.[/spoiler]

[b]Here is what has happened so far: Silverthorn goes to school. Silverthorn makes some friends. Silverthorn enjoys school life. There is no tension, nothing at risk. What are the stakes? Harry Potter had a lot of "daily school" scenes, but Rowling also added high-tension Quidditch scenes and the overarching conflict with Voldemort. This story needs CONFLICT AND TENSION.[/b] [b]Also, characters. Develop them. I really don't feel like they each have their own voice (probably the most defined atm is Avalanche/Evergreen). There's also next to no description of any of them. Telling me one is "flame colored" doesn't exactly cut it.[/b]