Falling Down (A Play in One Act)

[Sweetie Belle]

So I'm writing a One Act play for school, and I need criticisms. It's due by Tuesday.
[spoiler=Script]
[center]FALLING DOWN[/center]
[indent=1][b]CHARACTER SYNOPSIS.[/b][/indent]

[indent=1][b]ADRIAN WATTSON. [/b]Adrian is a lonely student at an unnamed high school. No one seems to talk to him, or at least that’s his perspective. He has a difficult time talking to people, and finds himself being alienated most of the time. He’s rather unassertive, and can be somewhat skeptical when a new change is presented to him.[/indent]

[indent=1][b]CATHERINE HEARTSTONE.[/b] Catherine is a popular, pretty, intelligent student at the same high school. She’s quite friendly, and can rarely make an enemy out of a new person. Although she can be quite troubled at times, she usually exudes happiness, and rarely talks about her personal problems.[/indent]

[indent=1][b]HARVEY BURNS.[/b] Harvey is the epitome of cruelty. He takes time out of his day to make other people’s days miserable. He does have a few friends who share similar qualities, and he stays relatively calm about things. He has some method that no one knows that gets him a lot of money, and he often makes deals with other people.[/indent]

[indent=1][i](As soon as the house lights are out, a recording of many overlapping insults and hateful comments is played. It should sound as many people are saying them at the same time. A spotlight comes up on ADRIAN, who is sitting on his knees, on the empty apron. His hands are together, and he's looking down. He is fully conscious of what is being played, and he appears troubled by it. The recording continues as he begins his line.)[/i][/indent]
[indent=1][b][i]ADRIAN.[/i][/b] Yes... Yes... I get it... Yes, I get it! Stop reminding me![i] (The recording continues, but gets quieter until his line "'Adrian, you're an outcast," where it should have faded to the point where it is unheard.)[/i] This is what it's like every day for me. The only people who talk to me only talk to me to make my life worse. "Adrian, why do you try?" "Adrian, you're an outcast..."[i] (pause)[/i] I am an outcast. People have told me "Adrian, get out and talk to people!" or "Adrian, don't wait for people to talk to you!"[i] (pause)[/i] So? I tried that. It didn't work. I tried to introduce myself to new people, and they feel like they have to be rid of me. I can't make friends. People just don't want to be associated with me. [i](pause) [/i]Do you know how many friends I have? Do you even care?[i] (The curtain opens to reveal CATHERINE standing UC. ADRIAN motions to her)[/i] One.[i] One friend. [/i]Out of a 2,500-person student body, there is only [i]one[/i] person who isn't ashamed to be seen with me. Only [i]one[/i] person who dares talk to me.[i] (pause) [/i]Hey, Catherine![/indent]
[indent=1][b]CATHERINE.[/b] Sorry Adrian, I can’t talk right now. I have a lot of work to do. I’ll call you later, okay? [i](Curtain closes. ADRIAN remains on the apron.)[/i][/indent]
[indent=1][b]ADRIAN.[/b] Sure, later…. That’s fine…. Right? She will, won’t she? I hope….. [i](ADRIAN sits down on the floor. The spotlight begins to dim. All of a sudden, they come back up when the phone rings. ADRIAN scrambles to answer the phone.) [/i]Hi![/indent]
[indent=1][b]CATHERINE.[/b] [i](Heard on the other end) [/i]Hi! I finished everything, and I’ve finally got some free time to talk. So, how are you?[/indent]
[indent=1][b]ADRIAN. [/b]I’m fine, same as always.[/indent]
[indent=1][b]CATHERINE.[/b] Oh, there has to be [i]something[/i] new. You’re always so secluded.[/indent]
[indent=1][b]ADRIAN.[/b] I’ve noticed. It’s just that…. I never have much to talk about.[/indent]
[indent=1][b]CATHERINE.[/b] Oh, please, you’ve probably got a million interesting things to talk about. Do you play video games?[/indent]
[indent=1][b]ADRIAN.[/b] No, I don’t own any.[/indent]
[indent=1][b]CATHERINE.[/b] Oh, well what about sports?[/indent]
[indent=1][b]ADRIAN.[/b] I’m not very good at sports.[/indent]
[indent=1][b]CATHERINE.[/b] Do you watch sports?[/indent]
[indent=1][b]ADRIAN.[/b] I don’t watch television.[/indent]
[indent=1][b]CATHERINE.[/b] Okay then…. Um, have you read any books recently?[/indent]
[indent=1][b]ADRIAN.[/b] No, I don’t go to the library often.[/indent]
[indent=1][b]CATHERINE.[/b] Well, do you have any hobbies?[/indent]
[indent=1][b]ADRIAN.[/b] Not really. I just sit in my backyard and just watch birds and deer and whatever else I see.[/indent]
[indent=1][b]CATHERINE.[/b] Oh, well that’s interesting. What kinds of birds do you see?[/indent]
[indent=1][b]ADRIAN.[/b] Oh, I don’t know. There are mostly just brown ones, but sometimes I can see a red one or even a blue one.[/indent]
[indent=1][b]CATHERINE.[/b] Do you like birds?[/indent]
[indent=1][b]ADRIAN.[/b] Yeah, I guess.[/indent]
[indent=1][b]CATHERINE.[/b] Oh… birds are very magnificent creatures. Their different colors… and the way they can glide through the air…. Don’t you ever wish you could fly like a bird?[/indent]
[indent=1][b]ADRIAN.[/b] Sure, sometimes. I guess.[/indent]
[indent=1][b]CATHERINE.[/b] Am I talking too much? I mean, I can always hang up if—[/indent]
[indent=1][b]ADRIAN.[/b] NO!! I mean… You’re fine. You have a nice voice.[/indent]
[indent=1][b]CATHERINE.[/b] Oh, thank you…. Hey, do you want to go out for lunch tomorrow? If you’re free, that is….[/indent]
[indent=1][b]ADRIAN.[/b] I’d love that. [i](Hangs up) [/i]She. Just. Asked. Me. To. LUNCH! Me! Of all people, me! Maybe things aren’t that bad after all… [i](Heads off L) [/i]I wonder what I should wear, I mean…..[/indent]
[indent=1][i](ADRIAN returns to the stage wearing a suit jacket over what he was previously wearing, and has also changed into dress shoes. The curtains open to reveal a table with two chairs in C.[/i][/indent]
[indent=1][b]ADRIAN. [/b][i](Taking a seat in one of the chairs) [/i]Oh, where is she… It’s half-past four…. She wouldn’t forget me, right? She wouldn’t…. [i](Straightens himself, regaining his composure)[/i] Well, maybe she got held up at work…. Or maybe there’s just slow traffic…. Oh, where is she…[/indent]
[indent=1][i](HARVEY enters. Whichever chair ADRIAN is sitting in, HARVEY should enter from the opposite side. He comes up and sits in the vacant chair opposite ADRIAN.)[/i][/indent]
[indent=1][b]HARVEY. [/b]Hey, squirt. What are you doing all alone here? You finally managed to find yourself a date that [i]isn’t[/i] imaginary?[/indent]
[indent=1][b]ADRIAN.[/b] Oh, yeah, I guess…[/indent]
[indent=1][b]HARVEY.[/b] How much?[/indent]
[indent=1][b]ADRIAN.[/b] What?[/indent]
[indent=1][b]HARVEY.[/b] How much did she want? How much do you have to pay her?[/indent]
[indent=1][b]ADRIAN.[/b] Nothing. She asked me…[/indent]
[indent=1][b]HARVEY.[/b] Oh, does she owe you? I’d have gotten more than a lunch date, then…[/indent]
[indent=1][b]ADRIAN.[/b] No, it’s not like that either…[/indent]
[indent=1][b]HARVEY.[/b] So she just asked you out “out of the goodness of her heart?” [i](scoffs) [/i]I didn’t think there could be anyone that desperate. So who is it?[/indent]
[indent=1][b]ADRIAN.[/b] Catherine.[/indent]
[indent=1][b]HARVEY.[/b] Wait, Catherine? Catherine Heartstone?[/indent]
[indent=1][b]ADRIAN.[/b] Yeah. What of it?[/indent]
[indent=1][b]HARVEY.[/b] Why the hell would Catherine go out with [i]you[/i]? Of all people, she chose you? I bet you’re lying. Where is she?[/indent]
[indent=1][b]ADRIAN.[/b] She’s… not here yet.[/indent]
[indent=1][b]HARVEY.[/b] Not here yet…. Not here [i]yet[/i]? Or maybe she won’t be here at all. Look, here’s what I think. Maybe she did ask you out. But that’s because she knew how terribly pathetic you are. I mean, look at you! You’re just so…. Ugh, I can’t even begin to describe. I bet she felt sorry for you, so she asked you here to make you feel better. But now she’s wondering about that choice and isn’t going to come because she doesn’t want you to become too attached to her. She knows how you’ve probably never interacted with another human being other than your own mother in your entire life. And now you’re here, waiting pathetically for a girl who will never—[i](CATHERINE enters. HARVEY notices her first. ADRIAN doesn’t see her until HARVEY finishes his line.) [/i]Well, maybe you’re just lucky. But you’d better cherish this moment. I probably will never come again. Ever.[/indent]
[indent=1][b]CATHERINE.[/b] Hey, Adrian! Sorry I’m kind of late. Some guy in a little Nissan got T-boned by a Ford and the entire intersection got held up. Have you been waiting here the whole time?[/indent]
[indent=1][b]HARVEY.[/b] I’ve been keeping him company.[/indent]
[indent=1][b]CATHERINE.[/b] Oh, really? How nice of you, Harvey.[/indent]
[indent=1][b]HARVEY.[/b] Aren’t I just the best? [i](Exits on the side that CATHERINE entered from.)[/i][/indent]
[indent=1][b]CATHERINE.[/b] [i](Taking a seat)[/i] Hey, was he causing trouble again?[/indent]
[indent=1][b]ADRIAN. [/b]No, he was just talking….[/indent]
[indent=1][b]CATHERINE.[/b] About what?[/indent]
[indent=1][b]ADRIAN.[/b] Just… some things.[/indent]
[indent=1][b]CATHERINE.[/b] Oh, sorry, am I being too nosy?[/indent]
[indent=1][b]ADRIAN.[/b] Oh, no, it’s fine. I’m not very good at talking…[/indent]
[indent=1][b]CATHERINE.[/b] I can tell.[/indent]
[indent=1][b]ADRIAN.[/b] Hey, um, can I ask you something?[/indent]
[indent=1][b]CATHERINE.[/b] What is it?[/indent]
[indent=1][b]ADRIAN.[/b] Um… why did you ask me out?[/indent]
[indent=1][b]CATHERINE.[/b] What?[/indent]
[indent=1][b]ADRIAN.[/b] Why me? Why not ask out some popular guy like Gregory Waters, or one of the jocks, like Brody Jenkins? Hell, why not ask out one of the drama kids, like What’s-His-Face Phillip?[/indent]
[indent=1][b]CATHERINE.[/b] What do you mean?[/indent]
[indent=1][b]ADRIAN.[/b] You’re popular. I’m not. You’re attractive. I’m not. You’re just overall amazing. I am not. There are so many people you could have chosen that are better than me. So what is it? Did you feel sorry for me? Is this because you wanted to make me feel better about myself? Maybe it’s a bet? How much? Is someone bribing you?[/indent]
[indent=1][b]CATHERINE.[/b] Adrian, you’re not making any sense! Why are you being so skeptical? Is this what Harvey’s feeding you?[/indent]
[indent=1][b]ADRIAN.[/b] Look, if I’m only getting pity from you, I’d rather stay alone.[/indent]
[indent=1][b]CATHERINE.[/b] Why are you being like this? I’m not doing this for some bet. It’s not because I feel sorry for you, either?[/indent]
[indent=1][b]ADRIAN.[/b] Then why me?[/indent]
[indent=1][b]CATHERINE.[/b] You’re making it sound like me asking you out is a bad thing![/indent]
[indent=1][b]ADRIAN.[/b] Answer my question, Catherine![/indent]
[indent=1][b]CATHERINE.[/b] Adrian, you’re scaring me… [i](begins to cry)[/i][/indent]
[indent=1][b]ADRIAN.[/b] Catherine, I… I’m sorry, I…. [i](flees offstage)[/i][/indent]
[indent=1][b]CATHERINE.[/b] [i](wiping her tears) [/i]Oh… I don’t know what’s going on here…. All I wanted was to spend time with him… I genuinely wanted to spend some time with him… It wasn’t a pity date. It wasn’t a bet. No, it was an innocent date. I always see him alone everywhere. I never see him with friends. All I wanted to do was help him be more open. Is that pity? Was I… Was I [i]really[/i] sorry for him? …I don’t think so… It was just an innocent date…[/indent]
[indent=1][i](HARVEY enters)[/i][/indent]
[indent=1][b]HARLEY. [/b]Hey, what’s up, baby?[/indent]
[indent=1][b]CATHERINE.[/b] I’m not your “baby.” And whatever’s up is certainly none of your business.[/indent]
[indent=1][b]HARLEY.[/b] Oh, you’re cold, you know that?[/indent]
[indent=1][b]CATHERINE.[/b] Shut up, Harley. I don’t want to talk to you.[/indent]
[indent=1][b]HARLEY.[/b] Oh, come on, babe, why are you gonna be like this?[/indent]
[indent=1][b]CATHERINE.[/b] Because of the way you’re treating Adrian.[/indent]
[indent=1][b]HARLEY.[/b] Oh, please, it suits him. The kid’s been pathetically alone all his life. It’s only human to initially reject change.[/indent]
[indent=1][b]CATHERINE.[/b] What could you possibly know about being human?[/indent]
[indent=1][b]HARLEY.[/b] Now you’re going to insults. Really, Catherine, it’s so unbecoming of you.[/indent]
[indent=1][b]CATHERINE.[/b] Shut up, Harley. You’re just a spiteful individual who can’t seem to keep from being so rude. So just… shut up.[/indent]
[indent=1][b]HARLEY.[/b] Well, if you’re going to be like that, then I might as well leave. But, you know, I wonder how everybody would react if I told them that Adrian left you. You, the popular girl. Adrian Wattson left Catherine Heartstone. “Isn’t it the other way around?” “Wow, Catherine Heartstone can’t even hold onto a guy like Adrian Wattson?” “Catherine Heartstone must have very low standards to go for a guy like Adrian.” “And he left her!” “Catherine must—“[/indent]
[indent=1][b]CATHERINE.[/b] Alright, alright, fine. What do you want?[/indent]
[indent=1][b]HARVEY.[/b] What do I want? Hmm… I wonder, what [i]do[/i] I want? [i](looks at CATHERINE) [/i]I think I might have an idea…[/indent]
[indent=1][b]CATHERINE.[/b] [i](realizing what he is thinking of) [/i]N-No…. Not that…[/indent]
[indent=1][b]HARVEY. [/b]Oh, then I wonder what the school newspaper will think about this…[/indent]
[indent=1][b]CATHERINE.[/b] Can’t you think of something else?[/indent]
[indent=1][b]HARVEY.[/b] [i](getting uncomfortably close to CATHERINE) [/i]No, babe. I think my mind’s made up.[/indent]
[indent=1][b]CATHERINE. [/b][i](Conflicted. She considers her choices but finds it difficult to make a final decision.) [/i]N-no. I… I won’t do it.[/indent]
[indent=1][b]HARVEY. [/b]I don’t think you have a chance at this point. [i](He grabs CATHERINE’s wrist and tries to take her offstage. She struggles and makes it difficult to move. The struggle gradually moves into the wings. Once both HARVEY and CATHERINE are offstage, the curtain closes. ADRIAN makes his way to the apron before the curtain is closed all the way.)[/i][/indent]
[indent=1][b]ADRIAN.[/b] I can’t believe that she would… No, that’s wrong. I knew it. It’s was just so predictable! How could I not see? I mean, she’s popular. I’m not. She’s attractive. I’m not. And she’s just overall amazing. [u]And I’m not.[/u] She felt sorry for me. How would she not? I’m just so gullible. I fell for it. And I paid for it…. [i](BLACKOUT)[/i][/indent]
[indent=1][i](Lights up. The curtains open. The set has changed to a modern living room. There is a couch at stage R, and an armchair L. At C, there is a coffee table with newspapers and some other decorations. ADRIAN enters from R and slumps down on the couch. He picks up a newspaper and begins reading it.) [/i][/indent]
[indent=1][b]ADRIAN. [/b]Local bar destroyed in a fight… Damage reaches $832,000… [i](Turns page) [/i]Two women raped and killed… No suspect found… [i](Turns page)[/i] Woman charged with fraud… Filed a false tax return… [i](puts down newspaper) [/i]All these criminals get so much attention from what they do… I haven’t done anything wrong… I should get some recognition, right? Do I deserve it? I mean, it would be good if someone were to notice me, right? I wonder… [i](He pulls out a gun which had been hidden in the couch. He thinks about using it, but before he makes a decision, someone knocks on the door. ADRIAN quickly stashes the gun back into the couch, and then goes R to answer the door.) [/i]Catherine! [i](It is CATHERINE. ADRIAN leads her back and sits her in the armchair. She has a cut on her face and a bruise on her forehead. He initially is surprised, but then he remembers his remorse for her and becomes serious again.) [/i]What are you doing here?[/indent]
[indent=1][b]CATHERINE.[/b] I wanted to talk to you.[/indent]
[indent=1][b]ADRIAN.[/b] Because you thought I was lonely here? Well, I’m fine on my own. You’re wasting your time.[/indent]
[indent=1][b]CATHERINE.[/b] Why are you saying these things?[/indent]
[indent=1][b]ADRIAN.[/b] Because it’s so obvious that’s what you’re thinking![/indent]
[indent=1][b]CATHERINE.[/b] No, that’s wrong! Just hear me out.[/indent]
[indent=1][b]ADRIAN.[/b] …Fine. You have five minutes.[/indent]
[indent=1][b]CATHERINE.[/b] I asked you out yesterday because I wanted to. Not because I felt sorry for you. Not because you looked lonely. Not because of some bet. No, I asked you out because you’re the nicest person I know. You’re sweet & kind, and you aren’t like every other guy I know. I know there’s Gregory Waters, but he’s just so careless. He doesn’t commit. And then there’s Brody Jenkins, but he’s too brutish. You know how he beat his last girlfriend? And you do know that Phillip Peters is already in a relationship, right? [i](pause) [/i]What I’m trying to say is that I genuinely like you. But I know that Harvey had you convinced otherwise.[/indent]
[indent=1][b]ADRIAN.[/b] …Are you telling the truth?[/indent]
[indent=1][b]CATHERINE.[/b] Cross my heart.[/indent]
[indent=1][b]ADRIAN.[/b] Well…[/indent]
[indent=1][b]CATHERINE.[/b] Do you believe me?[/indent]
[indent=1][b]ADRIAN.[/b] [i](Thinks for a moment)[/i] Yes, I believe you.[/indent]
[indent=1][b]CATHERINE. [/b]Oh, thank you![/indent]
[indent=1][b]ADRIAN.[/b] So what happened?[/indent]
[indent=1][b]CATHERINE.[/b] What do you mean?[/indent]
[indent=1][b]ADRIAN.[/b] Those cuts… that bruise on your face… what are they from?[/indent]
[indent=1][b]CATHERINE.[/b] Oh, nothing. I just fell down the stairs, that’s all.[/indent]
[indent=1][b]ADRIAN.[/b] Don’t lie to me, Catherine. What [i]really[/i] happened?[/indent]
[indent=1][b]CATHERINE.[/b] I… don’t want to say…[/indent]
[indent=1][b]ADRIAN.[/b] Who is there for me to tell?[/indent]
[indent=1][b]CATHERINE.[/b] It’s not that… It’s just… It’s just that I’d rather forget it.[/indent]
[indent=1][b]ADRIAN.[/b] Catherine…[/indent]
[indent=1][b]CATHERINE.[/b] Please… Leave the subject alone…[/indent]
[indent=1][b]ADRIAN.[/b] Is it really that bad?[/indent]
[indent=1][b]CATHERINE.[/b] You wouldn’t know…[/indent]
[indent=1][b]ADRIAN.[/b] Well of course I wouldn’t, especially if I’m not aware of what it is that I don’t know.[/indent]
[indent=1][b]CATHERINE.[/b] Are you going to keep being like this?[/indent]
[indent=1][b]ADRIAN.[/b] Are you going to tell me?[/indent]
[indent=1][b]CATHERINE.[/b] [i](sigh) [/i]Fine. [i](She sits and looks down, trying to gather her thoughts.)[/i][/indent]
[indent=1][b]ADRIAN.[/b] Well?[/indent]
[indent=1][b]CATHERINE.[/b] Harvey.[/indent]
[indent=1][b]ADRIAN.[/b] What?[/indent]
[indent=1][b]CATHERINE.[/b] Harvey. He…[/indent]
[indent=1][b]ADRIAN.[/b] He… [i](He has a sudden realization and understands the entire story.)[/i] Did he really…. [i](CATHERINE nods.)[/i] Oh… god… I’m going to kill him now…[/indent]
[indent=1][b]CATHERINE.[/b] See, I knew you’d do something like that.[/indent]
[indent=1][b]ADRIAN.[/b] You should have. And I’m serious. Next time I see him, he’s dead.[/indent]
[indent=1][b]CATHERINE.[/b] Adrian, don’t do this. You don’t know what you’re doing.[/indent]
[indent=1][b]ADRIAN.[/b] Yes I do. I’ll be recognized.[/indent]
[indent=1][b]CATHERINE.[/b] What are you talking about?[/indent]
[indent=1][b]ADRIAN.[/b] [i](picks up the newspaper he was reading earlier)[/i] Look at this! All these people getting their recognition for things like what I’m about to do![/indent]
[indent=1][b]CATHERINE. [/b]Yes, but they’re all [u]criminals[/u]! They all go to jail![/indent]
[indent=1][b]ADRIAN.[/b] And your point? What do I have to lose?[/indent]
[indent=1][b]CATHERINE.[/b] Me! And I’d lose you![/indent]
[indent=1][b]ADRIAN.[/b] [i](pause) [/i]I… I hadn’t thought of that…[/indent]
[indent=1][b]CATHERINE. [/b]See?[/indent]
[indent=1][b]ADRIAN.[/b] …But I’ve made up my mind.[/indent]
[indent=1][b]CATHERINE.[/b] No, Adrian. I won’t let you.[/indent]
[indent=1][b]ADRIAN.[/b] You won’t stop me. [i](He retrieves the gun from the couch. He makes sure it’s loaded as he begins to head R. CATHERINE tries to hold him back)[/i][/indent]
[indent=1][b]CATHERINE.[/b] No, Adrian! Just let it go. I’ll report it to the police, if that’s what it takes… Just stay here![/indent]
[indent=1][b]ADRIAN.[/b] [i](shakes her off) [/i]Stop trying, Catherine. You won’t win. I’m doing it, and there’s no way you can stop me. [i](Exits R)[/i][/indent]
[indent=1][b]CATHERINE.[/b] Adrian! Adrian! [i](chases after him)[/i][/indent]
[indent=1][i](The curtain closes. ADRIAN enters from the center, looking for HARVEY. He looks to his right, and then to his left. He sees HARVEY as he enters from L. HARVEY has no idea of ADRIAN’s intentions. He walks up to him and greets him.[/i][/indent]
[indent=1][b]HARVEY. [/b]Well, hey there, squirt. Surprising to see you crawled out of your cave. So how’s life treating you? Not well, I presume? [i](Laughs)[/i][/indent]
[indent=1][b]ADRIAN.[/b] [i](Gravely) [/i]I know what you did. I know it all.[/indent]
[indent=1][b]HARVEY. [/b]What are you talking about?[/indent]
[indent=1][b]ADRIAN.[/b] Earlier today. After I left the park.[/indent]
[indent=1][b]HARVEY.[/b] Oh, that? Oh, don’t get so worked up over it. She was basically asking for it.[/indent]
[indent=1][b]ADRIAN.[/b] That’s not what I heard.[/indent]
[indent=1][b]HARVEY.[/b] Look, you’re the one who left her.[/indent]
[indent=1][b]ADRIAN.[/b] Because I was misled by [u]you[/u]![/indent]
[indent=1][b]HARVEY.[/b] Hey, hey, no need to get loud. Just calm down, and I’ll—[i](ADRIAN punches him. He falls to the ground. He looks up, with his hand on his face.) [/i]Why, you little bastard. [i](He stands up and retaliates by punching ADRIAN.)[/i][/indent]
[indent=1][i](ADRIAN steps back, but doesn’t stay out. ADRIAN retaliates and the two begin fighting. Both of them start out as matched opponents, but eventually ADRIAN overpowers HARVEY, and HARVEY is on the ropes. ADRIAN continues to throw punches, and HARVEY is eventually on the ground. Tired and exhausted, he tries to make a deal with ADRIAN.)[/i][/indent]
[indent=1][b]HARVEY. [/b]Hey, look, man. If you stop this right now, I’ll give you anything you want. Just name it.[/indent]
[indent=1][b]ADRIAN.[/b] [i](Pulling out his gun) [/i]How about your [i]life[/i]?[/indent]
[indent=1][b]HARVEY. [/b]Whoa, whoa! Don’t point that at me, man! Just name your price! Money? How much? Drugs? Alcohol? Just name it![/indent]
[indent=1][b]ADRIAN.[/b] [i](Pulling back the hammer) [/i]I already have.[/indent]
[indent=1][i](ADRIAN gets ready to pull the trigger, when CATHERINE quickly runs as fast as she can onto the stage and tackles ADRIAN.)[/i][/indent]
[indent=1][b]CATHERINE. [/b]I told you not to do this![/indent]
[indent=1][b]ADRIAN.[/b] Get out of my way, Catherine! This doesn’t concern you![/indent]
[indent=1][b]CATHERINE.[/b] Maybe not, but I can’t let it happen![/indent]
[indent=1][i](CATHERINE struggles to get the gun out of ADRIAN’s hand. She fails, and ADRIAN backs away from both her and HARVEY. He stands pointing the gun at HARVEY, who is scrambling to get away, but appears injured in some way. CATHERINE stands in between ADRIAN and HARVEY.)[/i][/indent]
[indent=1][b]ADRIAN. [/b]Move, Catherine! I don’t want to hit you![/indent]
[indent=1][b]CATHERINE.[/b] No! Put the gun down, Adrian![/indent]
[indent=1][i](ADRIAN sighs. It appears he has given up and he begins to lower the gun.)[/i][/indent]
[indent=1][b]ADRIAN. [/b]When I came out here today, I had the intention to shoot someone. [i](Begins to put the gun to his own head.) [/i]I still have that intention.[/indent]
[indent=1][b]CATHERINE.[/b] [i]NO!![/i][/indent]
[indent=1][i](ADRIAN closes his eyes as he prepares to pull the trigger. CATHERINE runs toward him as the lights dim. At BLACKOUT, a shot is heard. It echoes for a moment, and dies out.)[/i][/indent]
[center][b]FIN[/b][/center]

[/spoiler]

Google Docs: [url="https://docs.google.com/document/d/1C0Sl6N89_4cJig_qjz4xYXvDQNXMcPKtxuoIgaj_Ui4/edit"]link[/url] (Should work. Never used Google Docs before.)

[Not-so-Radiant Arin]

A very interesting read...and that's all that I really have to say.

I too am working on a script revolving around the importance of abusive relationships and how it affects our modern society today. However, at this point it's merely riddled with factoids and there's not much plot development for the characters, to which this contradicts. I also understand the psychological aspect of this story: A loner kid who'd do anything in this world to get recognized, but when all attempts fail, the only thing left is to take his own life in the process. A truly deep subject, my friend.

The synopses for the characters in this story were "over-described". In a Fan-Fiction of sorts, it might be a good idea to plug in a one-paragraph synopsis about your character that outlines basically what the character is doing, but in screenplays, it's a different concept. The character in the story heavily depends on the actor that you choose, and some people are more experienced than others, making the Synopsis far more important in a screenplay.

With that being said, I'll get down to the bulk of the story. So, we have the basic love triangle. Cliche, but what isn't anymore these days? It's definitively obvious that the main protagonist of the story happens to be an emotional teenager with angst issues. However, I feel that the premise of the story came off a little bit too soon. You simply jumped right into the plot with a "well, look where I am at now. I've got no place to go...". In my personal opinion, the audience should be slowly absorbed into the story, but here, we're hit with a brick wall. You should try and rewrite the opening so that it settles the audience down, instead of just jumping right into the story. It's a basic principle of grasping the basic Shakespearean method of acting: You have a high point in the story where everything seems fine and then the plot takes an unexpected turn for the worst. If you don't believe me, read Hamlet for a reference.

Anyways, I digress. We progress along the story, and we finally meet Harvey, who I believe I would be the most proficient at acting out (because I can get incredibly snarky and arrogant at times). The story then seems to generate a lot of dark, twisted feelings, as we know that there is a dark connection between Harvey and Adrian. This part of the Shakespearean method of acting you have done pat: the audience is now feeling genuine spite towards Harvey. And then the scene with Adrian and Catherine happens, which then generates a hint of sadness and remorse. It's simply all about having the audience feel the exact same way as the actors do (although the actors are, well, acting it out).

It would be wise to add in some (Break.) sequences at the end of heavy lines. Frequent use of breaks can really add tension and mood to your story where you least expect it. If you take a slight pause after Adrian rushes out after hurting Catherine's feelings, it's going to be a lot more emotionally tense than simply rushing through the entire scene, spouting seventy words every ten seconds.

I imagine that the fight scene that happens then with Harvey and Adrian would be choreographed, and not just senseless violence and swinging fists on stage. Otherwise, it was an intense read, and I would like to read more from you.

A couple of questions:

1. Would you be interested in joining the Writer's Club of YCM? We have a bright, gifted group of people that do this for a living (myself included, of course), and we would always be happy to critique on some of your works.

2. Have you estimated a run-time for this show? I assume since it's a One-Act, it should be about thirty minutes.

[Sweetie Belle]

Rewrote the opening monologue and a few other things. The Google Docs link has all of the changes; the version here only shows the change to the opening monologue.

[Dr. Cakey]

Um. Well. Hm...

The writing itself is solid, and this is definitely satisfactory for school, but I have significant quibbles with the story and characters. Maybe it's just me, but here we go (If there's some part of my criticism addressed in character descriptions, I did not read them, since the audience won't).

1. This is a big one: I don't like Adrian. It's not that I dislike him - I feel sympathy for him, but he's not a person, so I stopped caring. He apparently spends every waking hour outside of school practicing his monologue. He very clearly states he does [i]nothing[/i].

2. You face a problem writers have faced for millennia. You have two people sitting at a table together. They are not fighting in a war. Neither one is a serial killer, genius detective, or mercenary. Neither of them are on a quest to save the universe, world, or country. So [i]what do they talk about[/i]? Catherine and Adrian have no basis on which to form a relationship.

3. "f*** me or I'll tell everyone Adrian walked out on your date."

"...how does that affect me in any way?"

"No, you see, I'm the villain."

"...what?

"I'm the villain; I've backed you into a corner with my evil genius, you have no choice. If you don't f*** me now, you'll be expelled from school...and don't think any company in this town will hire you in a million years. My word is law."

"But...then...why haven't you abused this power before? Couldn't you just lie?"

"You seem to have forgotten, Catherine, that we speak the Ancient Language, in which no falsehoods may be uttered."

There, I fixed your plothole.

4. It is an intriguing phenomenon that troubled teenagers always seem to have ready access to firearms. What most people don't know is that teenage angst can, with the proper catalysts, be evaporated, condensed, and crystallized into a sturdy pistol.

5. "Wait, one act!? Crap, [i]somebody[/i] has to die, like, [i]right now[/i]."

"3,2,1 nose game!"

"Well screw you, Catherine."

*gunshot*

EDIT: Whoops, I almost forgot:
[img]http://images3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20090616170415/yugioh/images/4/48/FallingDownDR1-EN-C-UE.jpg[/img]