Yosuke-kun Posted February 17, 2012 Report Share Posted February 17, 2012 Wait, seriously? Wow, this was a long RP xD Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ghoulish Posted February 17, 2012 Report Share Posted February 17, 2012 Ill start reading when i gef home Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lunar Origins Posted February 17, 2012 Report Share Posted February 17, 2012 [quote name='Kio-kun' timestamp='1329455334' post='5822111'] Wait, seriously? Wow, this was a long RP xD [/quote] It was a very long RP, and it never got finished ._. Anyways, if this covers the entire second page... I'll wuv you foever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elƒie Posted February 17, 2012 Author Report Share Posted February 17, 2012 @Everyone: Well here's a title for the next chapter.. It should tell you a lot of what's going to happen in the next chapter: Chapter 4 - "Hey, barkeep!" @ Kio: Yes.. It was a long RP.. It was 12 pages long before it died off.. And in the first 4 pages or so.. Everyone had biiiiiiiiiiig posts. And just think.. It ended before most of the plot could get rollin'. Lol. @Holy: I hope I'm doing Vun right. D: Lol. @HSK: Yeah.. It should cover up most, if not all, of page 2. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yosuke-kun Posted February 17, 2012 Report Share Posted February 17, 2012 Ah... well... good luck? xD Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Admiral_Stalfos19 Posted February 18, 2012 Report Share Posted February 18, 2012 "Hey, Barkeep!"? [i]That's[/i] your title for Chapter 4? IMHO, that doesn't tell me much at all =/ ... Oh well, I suppose I'll just have to wait and see if Noah screws up the franchise or not. I'm excited :3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yosuke-kun Posted February 19, 2012 Report Share Posted February 19, 2012 [quote name='Admiral_Stalfos19' timestamp='1329524063' post='5823313'] "Hey, Barkeep!"? [i]That's[/i] your title for Chapter 4? IMHO, that doesn't tell me much at all =/ [/quote] Well, it tells you that there'll be a bar, and someone wishes for a drink xD Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dwarven King Posted February 19, 2012 Report Share Posted February 19, 2012 ..."Hey, Barkeep!"...I think I have an idea! O: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elƒie Posted February 20, 2012 Author Report Share Posted February 20, 2012 It's going to be another day or two before the release.. I've been swamped with homework this weekend, so I've had little time to work on the story. Sorry. D: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dwarven King Posted February 20, 2012 Report Share Posted February 20, 2012 Can you at least tell me if my idea is close or not pertaining to the title?! D: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Admiral_Stalfos19 Posted February 21, 2012 Report Share Posted February 21, 2012 [quote name='Kio-kun' timestamp='1329648777' post='5826539'] Well, it tells you that there'll be a bar, and someone wishes for a drink xD [/quote] Like I said... not much at all ... Hey, barkeep! Get on with the bloody fanfic already, we're waiting! ^Now [i]that[/i] tells you something Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dwarven King Posted February 22, 2012 Report Share Posted February 22, 2012 [quote name='Admiral_Stalfos19' timestamp='1329820420' post='5831046'] Like I said... not much at all ... Hey, barkeep! Get on with the bloody fanfic already, we're waiting! ^Now [i]that[/i] tells you something [/quote] ...I dun get it. .-. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ghoulish Posted February 26, 2012 Report Share Posted February 26, 2012 Yup you're doing Vun's persona exactly how I imagined it lol very entertaining Fan Fic as was the RP will keep following Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elƒie Posted February 27, 2012 Author Report Share Posted February 27, 2012 Thanks, Generation, glad he's keeping on track. xD Anyways.. Chapter 4 is finally out! I'm [size=5][b]SOOOOOOOOOOOO[/b][/size] sorry this took forever to get out.. I really am sorry. As everyonerequested, this chapter is a crap-load longer than what I've been doing.. Hopefully, that'll help make up for the wait. There is some reader discretion advices towards the end.. If you open it and are offended by it, don't complain to me. You were warned! And the blonde from the first chapter is finally fully revealed! No pun intended.. I hope you all enjoy this chapter. And once again, I'm really sorry or the delay. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alice Moonflowyr Posted February 27, 2012 Report Share Posted February 27, 2012 Whoooo! Sinn in da house yo! Loved the new chapter Aisu! Although, I can spot minor spelling errors throughout the whole chapter. Just little things, like when Sinn hands the scrying orb to Keiz, its 'starry sky' not 'star sky'. Chapter was still awesome though. And Noah showed up, Luna and Akarui had a fight....great chapter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elƒie Posted February 27, 2012 Author Report Share Posted February 27, 2012 Yeah.. Editor no talk to me right now so the revises aren't up. Kinda rushed to finish the chapter so I could have it up before I went to bed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lunar Origins Posted February 27, 2012 Report Share Posted February 27, 2012 If you need a standby editor, I'm all yours. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bahamut - Envoy of the End Posted February 27, 2012 Report Share Posted February 27, 2012 Seconds Lunar's offer, although having someone from the original RP is probably preferable (and she'll probably be faster). There were a lot of niggly spelling mistakes and typos, but that's why you have beta readers. It's no problem. Akarui seemed to forgot his original mission pretty quick, which seemed odd... guess Vun's knowledge must be a huge deal then. Fight sight was pretty good. The whole thing with Luna and Ferod seemed a bit random. And Lunar definately should have more than 2 glasses to get in that state. I imagine being the kings assassin pays well enough to go out quite often. The off hand remark about failed suitors was nice though. Ending with Noah Layman (lol, another graduate from the school of ironic names) was, er... wow... wasn't expecting that. Kudos for being blunt and not messing about with words. I can just picture Keiz's face... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bury the year Posted February 27, 2012 Report Share Posted February 27, 2012 [quote]Being a subforum of YCM means that all standard rules apply here unless otherwise noted.[/quote] That includes sexual description, no matter how minute. Remove the stuff in the spoiler and figure out a way to rephrase it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elƒie Posted February 28, 2012 Author Report Share Posted February 28, 2012 Luna: I just might take up on your offer.. If ya want, ya can go ahead and PM me the edits for the chapters so far. Verz: Well, if you had the chance to learn of your mysterious past as a dragon-hybrid, you'd take it up too, won't cha? Lol. And its a shame that being blunt can't happen.. Especially since it's only talking about the physical body and not the actions but I understand where the rules are coming from with the normal ages on this site. Though, I might do releases of this on deviantart as well to expand my audience.. I dunno.. I want your honest advice, think this is good enough to share on other sites once it get's revised? Also, the edit has been made at the last bit of Chapter 4. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yosuke-kun Posted February 28, 2012 Report Share Posted February 28, 2012 Paragraph five, "The intruder drew his sworn"? I assume you meant sword xD I didn't notice any other grammatical or spelling errors, though I wasn't looking hard. The chapter itself is good, though I feel like you coulda thought of a better name xD Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bahamut - Envoy of the End Posted February 28, 2012 Report Share Posted February 28, 2012 [quote name='Mistress Aisu' timestamp='1330400211' post='5845612'] Verz: Well, if you had the chance to learn of your mysterious past as a dragon-hybrid, you'd take it up too, won't cha? Lol. And its a shame that being blunt can't happen.. Especially since it's only talking about the physical body and not the actions but I understand where the rules are coming from with the normal ages on this site. Though, I might do releases of this on deviantart as well to expand my audience.. I dunno.. I want your honest advice, think this is good enough to share on other sites once it get's revised? Also, the edit has been made at the last bit of Chapter 4. [/quote] How can so many people in stories like this not know about their past? (says the guy whose own lead character suffers the same kind of amnesia). Well his earlier mission seemed really important, and then was dropped very quickly, so it couldn't have been that important. I just feel this chapter could have done with a bit more oomph in the middle somehow. Beginning and end were good and I liked all the bar stuff, its just with the fight done with pretty quickly it could have done with something... more. Especially as the timeline looks like getting jumpy again. We are going to find out what the dragon guy went off and did as opposed to just an ominous reference right? Right? Sinn added nothing. The last sentence just looks weird now. ... components just doesn't seem the words to use for that shock in, it seems too formal for it. But I appreciate that your have your hands tied. Wherever you post there will be people who like and people who dislike, doesn't matter how good it is. On another forum like DA (of which I have no experience), they'll just be more of them (slow comment rate on this site). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elƒie Posted February 28, 2012 Author Report Share Posted February 28, 2012 Kio- Well.. I had planned on going further, cause right around here in the rp, there are 3 seperate bar scenes.. I was just too lazy to change the title.. Lol. Verz- I dun like the last paragraph either, but I just don't know how else to word it without being blunt about and it still follow the rules.. And thanks for another review. And don't worry, Ferod and Sinn will have thier places in this fanfic. :3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dwarven King Posted February 28, 2012 Report Share Posted February 28, 2012 [quote name='Verz Bahamut' timestamp='1330379648' post='5844646'] The whole thing with Luna and Ferod seemed a bit random. And Lunar definately should have more than 2 glasses to get in that state. I imagine being the kings assassin pays well enough to go out quite often. The off hand remark about failed suitors was nice though. [/quote] Don't question the importance of Ferod! D:< Good chapter Aisu. But I feel like much was left out between Ferod, Luna, and the mysterious stranger. *continues biased rant about his character and his importance to the story* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Admiral_Stalfos19 Posted February 29, 2012 Report Share Posted February 29, 2012 Personally, I found that [i]last[/i] paragraph would've been [i]much[/i] better if it had remained blunt than as it is [i]now[/i]. Not blaming you Aisu, since you [i]did[/i] have to follow the rules... just making an observation. ... *considers borrowing DK's WarHammer so I can get revenge on Rinnie* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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