Elƒie Posted January 26, 2012 Author Report Share Posted January 26, 2012 Bahamut: Hmm.. How to explain without going overboard with details. Long, long ago, when civilizations were just starting and nations just forming. Everything was in it's pure forms. Humans were humans, demons were senna, fish people were fish people, etc.. As time went by.. People began to mingle with each other.. Especially humans and demons.. As time went on to the story's present time, demon's became more humanoid. Despite becoming more hmanoid, each demon has it's own special feature. Keiz's appearence is more upfront evidence about him being demon. For Alliaster and Luna, their's are a less apparent. SSD: Like I've said before to Dwork.. Soon Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Admiral_Stalfos19 Posted January 28, 2012 Report Share Posted January 28, 2012 Well... I can't really give any [i]proper[/i] constructive criticism, but from what I've seen... doesn't look too bad. Can't wait to see whether Noah will screw the whole franchise or not. *hears someone say "Yes you can."* ... Yeah, I suppose I can... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elƒie Posted January 30, 2012 Author Report Share Posted January 30, 2012 Alright.. Chapter 3 is up! :3 Enjoy everyone~ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alice Moonflowyr Posted January 30, 2012 Report Share Posted January 30, 2012 *bursts into applause* Well done Aisu! Awesome! Probably the best written chapter so far! Hey, Akarui made his debut! Cool. Gotta love those half-dragons. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lunar Origins Posted January 30, 2012 Report Share Posted January 30, 2012 Unlike the roleplay, where the Dragon was a little afraid of an actual fight, could this upcoming brawl be a little action-y? Anyways, phenomenal chapter. I loved the length compared to the rest of them. All I could spot concerning errors were grammar, such as missing quotation marks in places and such, and sometimes using forms of words incorrectly. But that really doesn't matter. I absolutely loved it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bahamut - Envoy of the End Posted January 30, 2012 Report Share Posted January 30, 2012 Read this at work earlier this morning, and was full of excitment to do so. I... wasn't as overly enthralled as Rupe and HSK, and have just read it again to see if they've seen something I've missed. There is some actiony stuff at the start in terms of establishing the bad guys, and again at the end with this Akarui guy barging in and blowing the bladdy doors off *half-dragons means automatically my favourite character*. The face off was kinda cool, and sets up a tense and exciting wait for next weeks chapter... but... Keiz's reaction was a bit weird for an evil despot I thought. His reaction to someone barging in and potentially attacking him seemed a bit... un-evil kingish to me. That's just me. I don't know Keiz from the RP, and I'm probably too fixated/used to my idea of a old, grouchy, mad villian king like Galbatorix (Inheritance Cycle), Nero (YuGiOh Armageddon) and other places. I loved the scene with Alister, Sierra and Darrius. I am so starting that tradition, that's amazing. However Sierra's death is sort of 2 chapters overdue now. Appreciate it was meant as a happy and hopeless scene, but it should have ended with her death confirmed. Again just IMO. Despite my points, it was another enjoyable chapter. There was more content. Luna, Vun Doom (great name however came up with him) and half dragon man came across well. I'm all for an undead army (not sure how they can die if they're undead but I know what you're trying to say) and the range of soldiers. Sierra was awesome. Looking forward to next week. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dwarven King Posted January 31, 2012 Report Share Posted January 31, 2012 Verv, Keiz reaction is explained quite simply. He is an egotistical, arrogant, no fear guy. Basically, everything is a mere annoyance to him. Aisu...why is Sierra still alive? o.o Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kirun Wolf Posted February 2, 2012 Report Share Posted February 2, 2012 I read the prologue. As a writer, I want so badly to correct every grammar and spelling mistake I see (there are quite a few, but that's completely natural; it's the job of an editor to clean up). Honestly, if I could clean up your writing, it would read so much more beautifully. Heck I'd even do it for free as a pet project. If you want me to, just give me the permission to do so and I'll post it up when I'm finished. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elƒie Posted February 2, 2012 Author Report Share Posted February 2, 2012 Verz: Another great mini-review. Not exactly sure why Dworkin and HSK are excited either. O_o But yeah.. Sierra is dead.. It just hasn't been officially stated but its been hinted at by her skin color. I'm glad you like the tradition. I'm thinking about starting it myself. Lol. Kirun: Sure. Just go ahead and PM me the editted version. We'll discuss more of you becoming an editor in the PM. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bahamut - Envoy of the End Posted February 3, 2012 Report Share Posted February 3, 2012 [quote name='Mistress Aisu' timestamp='1328213535' post='5795611'] Verz: Another great mini-review. Not exactly sure why Dworkin and HSK are excited either. O_o But yeah.. Sierra is dead.. It just hasn't been officially stated but its been hinted at by her skin color. I'm glad you like the tradition. I'm thinking about starting it myself. Lol. [/quote] No worries. Ah, okay. Could have used something a bit more like dead than dying, like dropping her glass or a noise or even just eyes closing or something a bit more 'she's dead now', rather than 'going... going... still going...' It's a small point. Need a bottle of the finest lemonade from 1989. Straightedge lifestyle ftw. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kirun Wolf Posted February 4, 2012 Report Share Posted February 4, 2012 Well I sent you my edit over a day ago; still waiting for a response. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elƒie Posted February 5, 2012 Author Report Share Posted February 5, 2012 Bahamut: Dun worry. There will be a more definate "she's dead" moment. Well, she is dead. Just turning into a ghost. Anyways. I'd have to get a bottle from '91.. .__. Gosh I feel old.. -Lowers head.- Anyways! Kiran: Sorry for the delay. Not on often during the weekend. Btw everyone, the daily release of this week's edition miiiiiight be pushed back.. Please dun kill me! >__< Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The White Wolf Posted February 8, 2012 Report Share Posted February 8, 2012 *was sharpening sword* okay ._. Anyway, chapter 3 was a the best so far by far ^^ not only cause Akarui made his debut, as awesome I made him XD I feel there's been a little copy-paste? Hmmmmm? And again, I still suck at reviews so I'll be more the "sits back commenter who comments late" guy Looking forward to #4 :3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bahamut - Envoy of the End Posted February 11, 2012 Report Share Posted February 11, 2012 Um, any update on when this will be updated at all? Been looking forward to this showdown for a little while now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elƒie Posted February 11, 2012 Author Report Share Posted February 11, 2012 There will be one this week, for sure. It might be a day or two late.. Trying to get things set up with my new editor, Kirun Wolf. After that, the releases will become regular once more. Though, it might be on a different day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bahamut - Envoy of the End Posted February 11, 2012 Report Share Posted February 11, 2012 Hmm... nothing against Wolf, never dealt him/her, just don't rely too heavily on him/her. Your writing doesn't need massively heavy editing, although I'm not the greatest writer in the technical aspect. I haven't spoken to my beta reader for a while and feel a bit lost. Nice new sig by the way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elƒie Posted February 11, 2012 Author Report Share Posted February 11, 2012 Thanks.. It was a Valentine's gift from Kyng. :3 Lol. Anywho, Wolf'll mostly be fixing the grammar, spelling and any time tense issues. So hopefully, those won't be an issue any long in future releases. S/He's also fixing up the previous releases as well, so those will be updated with the fixes upon the next release as well for future readers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bahamut - Envoy of the End Posted February 11, 2012 Report Share Posted February 11, 2012 Daw... is insanely jealous Kyng hasn't accepted my friend request yet, bastard! (Says he who takes forever to accept people himself). Right, anywho, will be sure to re-read them then to compare. The text hasn't been too bad at all, it fits the story in that there's nothing overly complicated and long words that would be out of place here. It's all short and sweet, and the descriptions were balanced, better than mine which go on a bit. Hope Wolf doesn't mess around with the thesaurus too much. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kirun Wolf Posted February 12, 2012 Report Share Posted February 12, 2012 [quote name='Mistress Aisu' timestamp='1328988823' post='5810802'] Thanks.. It was a Valentine's gift from Kyng. :3 Lol. Anywho, Wolf'll mostly be fixing the grammar, spelling and any time tense issues. So hopefully, those won't be an issue any long in future releases. S/He's also fixing up the previous releases as well, so those will be updated with the fixes upon the next release as well for future readers. [/quote] He... [quote name='Verz Bahamut' timestamp='1328989334' post='5810818'] Daw... is insanely jealous Kyng hasn't accepted my friend request yet, bastard! (Says he who takes forever to accept people himself). Right, anywho, will be sure to re-read them then to compare. The text hasn't been too bad at all, it fits the story in that there's nothing overly complicated and long words that would be out of place here. It's all short and sweet, and the descriptions were balanced, better than mine which go on a bit. Hope Wolf doesn't mess around with the thesaurus too much. [/quote] I'm not touching her style or structure. I'm literally just spellchecking and making the sentences grammatically correct. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yosuke-kun Posted February 14, 2012 Report Share Posted February 14, 2012 Quite an interesting storyline. I'm deeply wishing I'd been involved in this RP now xD Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elƒie Posted February 14, 2012 Author Report Share Posted February 14, 2012 Lol! Thanks.. I might do a relaunch of the RP's sequel in the future. :3 I think the story-line in that one is just as interesting, if not better than, the original. It just depends on how well this fanfic goes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yosuke-kun Posted February 14, 2012 Report Share Posted February 14, 2012 Well it seems to be going well so far xD If it comes out, I'll join Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dwarven King Posted February 14, 2012 Report Share Posted February 14, 2012 Is it time for Chapter 4? O: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Admiral_Stalfos19 Posted February 15, 2012 Report Share Posted February 15, 2012 *yawns* Still waiting patiently for Noah to come out and to see if... orange screws everything up? Still don't like calling Noah an it, in case anyone's wondering =/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elƒie Posted February 15, 2012 Author Report Share Posted February 15, 2012 I really am sorry for the delay everyone.. This chapter, however, is going to be pretty big! Btw.. With the 3 chapters, I'm barely past the first page of the RP! This chapter, should cover almost all of the second page.. So yeah.. This chapter will, hopefully, make up for the past 2 weeks. Thank you for putting up with me. -Bows quickly before running off to finish paper and then work on story- Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.