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Umbra and his paper towel confusion/WC needs to stop being dead


Toffee.

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[quote name='Umbra' timestamp='1324063849' post='5711092']
I found a paper towel on my floor the other day; I have no idea how it got there.

Make a set that properly describes my confusion.[/quote]
[img]http://s3.amazonaws.com/kym-assets/entries/icons/original/000/004/457/challenge.jpg?1291495361[/img]
[size=6][b]CHALLENGE ACCEPTED[/b][/size]

Mysterious Towel of Unknown Paper -EARTH-
Lvl8
[Fairy/Effect]
You can send 1 EARTH Fairy-Type monster from your deck to your Graveyard: Special Summon this card(from your hand) to your Opponent's side of the field in Face-Up Attack Position. When this card is Summoned: Change all monsters on this card's current controller's side of the field into Face-Down Defense Position. The Opponent of this card's controller can only select this card as an attack target, while this card is Face-Up on the field. There can only be one "Mysterious Towel of Unknown Paper" Face-Up on the field at a time.You can Banish 2 Fairy-Type monsters in your Graveyard: Add this card to your hand from your Graveyard.
2500ATK / 25000DEF

Walking Paper Dispenser -EARTH-
Lvl8
[Fairy/Effect]
If the total ATK of all Face-Up monsters your Opponent controls is 4000 or higher, you can Special Summon this card(from your hand). You can Normal Summon or Set this card with 1, or no Tributes at all. When this card is Normal Summoned: Draw 1 card for each EARTH monster Tributed for the Tribute Summon of this card. Once per turn you can add to your hand 1 "Mysterious Towel of Unknown Paper" from your deck.
1400ATK / 0DEF

Wandering Man of Confusion -EARTH-
Lvl8
[Fairy/Effect]
You can Normal Summon or Set this card with no Tributes if the Opponent controls a Face-Down Defense Position monster. You can Special Summon this card(from your hand) if the Opponent controls a Face-Up "Mysterious Towel of Unknown Paper". Once per turn: Change this Attack-Position card to Defense Position; Add to your hand 1 "Wandering Man of Confusion" from your deck. If this card is destroyed by your Opponent's card(either by battle or card effect): Inflict 1000 damage to both players.
1000ATK / 1000DEF

Neighbor Umbra -EARTH-
Lvl4
[Fairy/Effect]
When this card is Summoned: Send 1 "Neighbor Umbra" from your deck to your Graveyard. Once per turn: Gain 800 Life Points.
1600ATK / 0DEF

Eager Umbra, Discoverer of Paper Towels -EARTH-
Lvl4
[Fairy/Effect]
If the Opponent controls a "Mysterious Towel of Unknown Paper" when this card is Normal Summoned: Destroy all Face-Down cards on the field; Inflict 400 damage to your Opponent for each card destroyed by this effect. You can Banish 1 "Umbra" monster in your Graveyard: Add this card from your Graveyard to your hand. If this card is destroyed by a card effect: Banish it.
1300ATK / 2000DEF

Hidden Winds -Spell-
The Opponent draws 1 card. Add to your hand 1 "Mysterious Towel of Unknown Paper" from your deck. Gain 1000 Life Points.

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Whoa whoa whoa
Let me revise mine.

Paper towel *
Wind monster
Plant type
0/0
During either player's turn, you may special summon this card from your hand.

The Floor
Field spell card
Place two confusion counters on any card on the field when a "paper towel" is successfully summoned.

Curious wondering
Continuous spell card
During your standby phase you may place one confusion counter on any card on the field if you control a face up "paper towel".

It should be cleaned up...
Trap card
Activate if you control a face up "paper towel"; During this turn, face up monsters your opponent controls with confusion counters must attack it if able. During the end phase, inflict 600 points of damage to your opponents life points for confusion counter on cards they control.

What the heck was that thing?
Continuous trap card
If this card were to be destroyed, you can remove one confusion counter from the field instead. Select one card on the field with confusion counters on it. It cannot attack or activate its effect as long as it has confusion counters on it. Remove one confusion counter from that card during each end phase of its controller.

What was it doing there?
Continuous trap card
If this card were to be destroyed, you can remove one confusion counter from the field instead. Remove any number of confusion counters from cards your opponent controls. They must discard that many cards, then they may add one field spell card from their deck to their hand. Your opponent cannot use a number of unoccupied monster card zones equal to the number of counters removed as long as this card remains face-up on the field.

Why was it there?
Trap card
If this card were to be destroyed, you can remove one confusion counter from the field instead. Remove any number of confusion counters from monsters your opponent controls to banish that many monsters from their extra deck. Your opponent cannot use a number of unoccupied spell and trap card zones equal to the number of confusion counters removed as long as this card remains face-up on the field.

Contemplative thinking
Trap card
Activate only when your opponent declares an attack or activates an effect targetting a face-up "paper towel" you control. Remove 2 confusion counters from cards you control to negate the attack or activation and destroy the card causing the effect.

Total confusion
Continuous spell card
During both players' main phases' Flip a coin, then apply these effects.
Heads: Destroy all cards with confusion counters on them.
Tails: Monster cards with confusion counters must attack and activate their effects if able. Spell and trap cards with confusion counters must activate if their timing is correct.

Unexpected surprise
Quick play spell card
Activate only when you special summon a paper towel. Put one confusion counter on all cards on the field.

Why does this keep happening?
Quick play spell card
Add one "paper towel" from your deck or graveyard to your hand.

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That was a trick question. Mundane things such as a paper towel on the floor can be explained by some other contrivance, such as some other member of my family dropping it there. (In reality, there was no paper towel at all.)

My confusion is actually about conservatism in the United States and why it exists in this day and age, as well as why it's allowed to influence the world as it does.

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