YuGiOh: D-Prison [PG 16|Heavy Swearing] [2: The Strength of Silence] NEW!

[Synchronized]

[center][size=5][b]YuGiOh: D-Prison[/b][/size][/center]

[center][size=5][b]Table of Contents[/b][/size][/center]

1: Don't Do the Crime [in this post]
2: [url="http://forum.yugiohcardmaker.net/topic/270713-yugioh-d-prison-pg-16heavy-swearing/page__view__findpost__p__5713461"]The Strength of Silence[/url]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif][spoiler=1: Don't Do the Crime][spoiler=1: Don't Do the Crime |Part 1]"See, I told you, he's fine," came the voice. I sat up and looked around, feeling the effects of whatever had happened with pulsing shocks through my body, almost relentless for something as simple as sitting up. Damn.[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]Could those lights have been any more blinding? Made it almost impossible to grasp what the room looked like, nevermind anything else. My mind was still somewhat blurry to everything but it looked like it might have been a hospital bed. No, you know what? On second glance, it was [i]definitely[/i] a hospital bed. But how did I get there? [/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]I still had my jeans on, black [i]Levi's [/i]to be specific. Had 'em for two years almost, you could tell by the fade. Still, I wasn't much into style, they got me from place to place, after all. There was a t-shirt, too. Plain white, covered in dirt, mud, I couldn't even till because my mind was still buzzing. But I was definitely in rough shape. What the hell had happened? I couldn't remember a thing. [/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]There were a few people in my face, but at the motion of a hand, they retreated, heading out into the hallway. At second glance, I realized this wasn't a hospital by any means. A hospital bed, maybe, but it was some kind of low, run-down facility. The "blinding light" was a small lantern hanging from the ceiling. I guess it was just my mind adjusting to things again. "Get up, punk. You're breathing, there's no need to occupy this room any longer. Back to your cell."[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif][i]Back to my cell?[/i] What the f***? None of this made any sense. Was I in a prison? How could that have happened? The last thing I remember was being somewhere in the city, with a couple of buddies. I don't remember where we were headed - I think it was Axel's place. His brother had scored us some booze, and we were planning on a fun night. But for some reason, I'm feeling like we might not have gotten that far. Or maybe we did. Maybe we got busted and that's why I was there in the first place. I was only eighteen years old, three years under the legal age in America, but we never gave a s*** about any of that.[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]- - -[/font][/size]
[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]Lieutenant Roc, as the man's name was revealed to me, didn't take s*** from anyone. He grabbed my arm and forced me to my feet, with a stiff slap on the back, ordering me back to the cell. I'm not sure if he could sense that I really was clueless as to where I was going, or if he was just feeling generous, but he extended his arm to assist with the directions, which I promptly followed. I was having trouble standing as it is, fatigued as hell, and as much as I wanted to portray a tough image, it was pointless here. You tried to act tough, you got belittled instantly. [/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]Talk about making you feel welcome. They shoved me into a cell, gated and all, straight out of something you'd see in a modern day western flick. I thought they'd upgraded these facilities? Heh. It didn't matter. I'd be out of here before they even had a chance to really make me wallow in shame. Axel would bail me out, I'm sure, and if not, I had some others I could put a call into. Whatever I did couldn't have been that bad, anyway. We only had a twelve pack. They can't lock you up for that s***, not for long.[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]"Don't I get a call or something?" I asked, intentionally snarkily, from behind the temporary safety of the gates. Roc shot me a look that implied I should watch the attitude, but I didn't care. What more could they do to me? I'd been through tougher s*** then a few blows.[/font][/size]
[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]"Go ahead and speak without being spoken to again," Roc stared me dead in the eyes. "And the only call you'll be getting is one for an ambulance. And you won't be so lucky as to survive like you did this time around."[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]Harsh. His comments implied they weren't up for playing games around here. Still, I knew I was untouchable. It was a bunch of empty threats, made really to try and enforce their will, but it wasn't the first time I'd dealt with law enforcement, and it certainly wouldn't be the last. So I figured I'd try and really get under his skin, see just how far he'd go, because eventually I'd get a lawyer and get the hell out of this place - wherever it was.[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]"You don't get a call," he explained. "This place isn't what you think it is; people like you don't get to go to the fancy prisons. You'd never learn your lesson there." Roc turned around to look towards the wall in front of him, as if abandoning his duties for a moment. "Trust me, I know. I've been here before, but I was smart enough to change my life around and make changes. But things were different then; you don't stand a chance here."[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]"Spare me the self-condoling lectures," I snapped at him, getting the same dead stare from earlier. "I don't give a s*** about your life story, man. I just wanna get out of here. I know I have a right to a lawyer, so why don't you tell me what's really going on?"[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]"You don't have a right to s*** here, kid!" He shouted. "That's the whole damn point! They don't send you here for just anything; we're essentially isolated from the rest of the city, the guys in charge do whatever they want, and there's absolutely no repercussions for it. Might as well get comfortable."[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]"That's not the way we treat a guest, is it?" I sat back on the stone slab embedded in the wall, glancing over as a man walked down the hallway, dressed in what was some kind of high-level, top-money black suit. I despised those kinds of people, but it was obvious from his appearance that he commanded respect, and authority. If the look wasn't enough, Roc's frozen pose and the same pose from the other guards down the hallway was more than enough to confirm it. His hair was greyish, and he had to be...maybe fifty? Early sixties? I'm not sure - it wasn't easy to tell. "I'm so glad to see you've recovered." He gave a friendly smile.[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]Something was off with these people. Roc's immensely serious attitude was fitting considering the place, and his job, for that matter, but there was definitely a hint inside his voice; something that implied he really was in trouble. After all, if Roc had been in his shoes however long ago, and managed to get out, why was he working here now? That didn't make any sense. Then the rich guy barges in with a smile that could shatter windows, and he's acting like everything's great, like I'm some sort of honored guest. Unfortunately, I wasn't dressed for the occasion.[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]"Roc, if you'd be so kind, show this gentlemen to my office," he gestured towards the end of the hallway. "Let's get you out of that cell."[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]- - -[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]It felt like only seconds had passed before I was in the office, which was a complete turnaround from the odor-infused, wet stone hallways of the prison basement. The office walls were made of wood, or at least covered in it, a rich maple color, something you'd see at an outdoor lodge of sorts. The Warden took his seat at the desk, in a large leather chair that looked extremely comfortable to my continuously-aching body. Roc ushered me into a seat, and no, it wasn't anything like the Warden's; just a plain old plastic chair with little padding. Cheap bastards. [/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]With a slight wave of the hand, the Warden ordered Roc out of the room, leaving just the two of us. I took a seat, examining the patterns in the rug underneath me; it was the most interesting thing to do, anyway. I couldn't stop wondering how long it would take for the law to intervene and get me out of here, but the longer I stayed put, the longer I began to wonder if Roc was bluffing, or if his words were legit. This place did seem different, much different than any of the prisons I'd heard about, and with my friend circle, I'd heard about plenty. Axel's brother had done hard time for almost fifteen years for robbery, but the let him out a few years early for good behavior. He said it sucked, which was to be expected, but this place was inexplicably worse.[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]“Mr. Rayan,” he spoke, addressing me by my last name, which was puzzling enough. Where'd he get that information from? [i]What had happened last night that led to all of this? Why the hell couldn't I remember a damn thing?[/i] “I'm sure you have plenty of questions, and I'd be glad to answer them in due time. But there is a reason we've called you here, to Stonehill Prison, specifically. It may be on your mind that your actions didn't warrant such an extreme measure, but I feel as though it will be in the best interest of all parties.” He smiled; a creepy, shiver-inducing smile that sent chills up my spine.[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]“Excuse me for not smiling rainbows,” I said, almost surprising him with lack of effort to hide my frustration, “but I'm not about to sit here and obey your every beck and call when I don't even know what the hell I'm in here for. I don't remember a damn thing that happened yesterday; I just woke up here. So I think you owe me an explanation, and a lawyer, while you're at it.”[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]“Oh, yes, a lawyer.” He placed his palms on the desk. “Unfortunately, Stonehill Prison doesn't quite abide by those rules, Mr. Rayan. We have our own way of doing things, and the government is more than content to allow us to continue doing so. Here, I determine your sentence, and depending on your willingness to cooperate with me, I can make it either very short and painless, or, we could arrange for something a bit longer.”[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]Maybe I was still drunk, and this was just a shitty dream of sorts, but it sure as hell felt real. The menacing smile on the Warden's face was just that. He pretended to be friendly, but he knew he was controlling all the outcomes, holding all the cards. I could make an effort to escape, but it would be worthless. If something had happened last night, wouldn't Axel have been locked up too? Where was everyone else?[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]“You see, Callen Rayan,” he folded his hands, “you're an unfortunate soul. You've gotten yourself into the worst of situations, giving up all efforts of leaving a worthwhile and meaningful life, and you've fallen into the slumps just like so many before you have, and so many after you will continue to do. And don't take me for a fool; I know my words are meaningless to you now, but soon enough you will learn there are some lines you cannot cross, and you have crossed one.”[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]“How?!” I screamed, getting out of my seat and into his face. “How the f*** did I cross any lines when no one will tell me what the f*** I did?! This is bullshit, this whole place is bullshit!”[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]“I understand your aggression,” he replied, masking his frustration with another smile. “However, that is confidential business at the moment. Like I said, I can get you out of here, all you have to do, is help me.”[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]This guy wasn't going to budge. And I was slowly starting to realize through all my thick-headedness, that I didn't have much of a choice. It was either listen to him or get locked up for however long they wanted me to. I didn't have friends or family who would come looking, so there was no way out. “What exactly is it you want me to do?”[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]“Ah,” he sat back, with a smile on his face, “finally, we're getting somewhere.”[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]- - -[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]“It's quite simple, really. I won't keep you locked up here, as long as you agree to participate in a Duel Monsters' Grand Tournament, taking place here in Stone Ridge itself.” He grabbed his coffee mug, brought it up to his lips, and took a small sip before placing it back down onto the desk. “It's a national event, and we've finally won the honor to hold it here this year. Duel Monsters has continued to grow in popularity with each passing year, and it was no easy feat to acquire the rights, but thanks to hard work we were able to pull it off.”[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]Duel Monsters? I'd never heard of it. He'd managed to at least grab my attention, what with the talk of a competition. This prison was already crazy as it was, but I wasn't the sports type. But why should I conform to their rules? Play their game? In reality, I'd actually look tougher, and feel better, if I just held on and served for however long they decided to keep me in here. They'd give up after a while – right? “I've never even heard of it. Not interested, thanks.”[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]“I wouldn't be so sure,” he said calmly, folding his hands together. “You see, unfortunately, you don't have much of a say in the matter. We've already registered you for the competition, and it starts in three days. As long as you comply by our rules, you'll receive your freedom as promised.”[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif][i]At least they're working with me here. Not. Jackasses.[/i] “Why me? I've never even heard of the damn game. I'd be of no use to you.”[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]“Ah, but that's where you're wrong. You see, this is a nationally televised event, and the more people watch, the more money we generate for the city,” he explained. “Think about it, an underdog, arrogant punk kid who has no idea what he's doing going out there to try and earn his freedom – that's huge ratings right there, which is exactly why we've chosen you.”[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]I guess it made sense in that perspective. Not that I was agreeing with him by any means, but at least I knew [i]why[/i] they were doing it. What I didn't know, still, was why the hell I was here in the first place? It was eating away at me. [i]What had happened?[/i] Still, I had no idea how to play the game. It sounded somewhat familiar, thinking about it. One of those lame-ass card games; definitely had become a national phenomenon, I got that much. I wasn't into that stupid s***, though. I'd rather be out partying, having a good time.[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]“Even if I were to agree to your stupid terms,” I said, catching his attention, “I have no idea how to play. I'd lose the first round and that would be the end of it. What kind of money would that make you?”[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]“That's not my issue,” he looked at me, and the faux friendliness appeared to have gone away. “I'm in this business to make money, Callen, and you're going to help me do that. If you can't win the tournament, then you can prepare for a rather lengthy sentence. I think our conversation has gone on long enough. Now that you're an official entrant, you won't be locked up any longer, but you can't vacate the city limits by any means. You've been hooked up with a sensor that, should you pass a certain point, will cause you to meet a very unfortunate fate.”[/font][/size]
[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]What the hell did that mean?[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]“And if you head upstairs, down the hall, you'll find a room that contains a machine, known as the [i]D-Terminal[/i]. You can log on using the data written on your hand.” I looked at my hand for a moment, confirming that there was in fact information written there, which I hadn't seen earlier. “There, you can practice building a Deck and learn the ways of Duel Monsters. I'd be careful, too. Make sure you don't make any mistakes when it comes time to perform, because your first duel will be in three days, and it will be against the reigning Grand Champion himself, who is of course partaking in this tournament to try and retain his title. Best of luck, Mr. Rayan. Roc, show him out.”[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]- - -[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]About two hours had gone by, and I'd spent the majority of it finding different ways to position myself on the cold, hard steel bench in the hallway upstairs. I'd found the room he was talking about, but I couldn't bring myself to head in. I didn't like the idea of being pushed around like this; it wasn't my style at all. I'd always been a leader, not a follower, and being used like some kind of political, money-making tool was anything but my intention.[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]I'd been weighing the options. It was either A.) accept the fact that I'd never get out of here and retain my pride or B.) learn how to play a stupid card game, win a national tournament, and have the potential to earn my way out, and even that wasn't a guarantee. I knew how those people work; they could promise you one thing and decide to change their minds at the last second. Something about this entire place had struck me as off from the get go, and it was beginning to make sense. [/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]Stonehill Prison: I'd never heard of the place in my life, and I'd lived in Stone Ridge for all eighteen of these years. I wish I could remember a little more of what had happened, anything to give me some sort of a clue. Where was this place? He did say I was free to leave, but at the same time, I could only go so far because of some sensor. So many questions, and no one was going to give me answers.[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]Was it worth it to learn? I'd never been a gamer, in any sense, but what could it hurt? I guess my rep, but at this point, people probably thought I was dead; I assume something like that must've been said to at least explain my absence. Or maybe not, huh? My parents had been gone for years; I lived on my own, staying with friends, so no one really cared. All I had to do was learn how to play a card game. You know, the potential of a cash prize, too, didn't sound so bad. Maybe this would benefit me after all.[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]I guess it was as good an idea as any at this point. I stood up and walked into the room.[/spoiler][/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]- - - [/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif][spoiler=1: Don't Do the Crime | Part 2]> WELCOME. D-TERMINAL LOG ON ACTIVATED. PLEASE ENTER GUEST ID AND PASSWORD. <[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]It was weird, high-tech machine. The frame itself was very arcade-pacman esque, but the rest of it was different, lit up with LED lights down both sides. The log-on screen was some kind of HD masterpiece, which was weird considering the rest of the surroundings and how torn they were. I copied the data codes written on my hand into the keyboard, and the screen did some processing.[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]> THANK YOU, ID. No. 204. YOU HAVE SUCCESSFULLY LOGGED IN TO THE TERMINAL NETWORK. PLEASE SELECT GAME MODE. <[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]A dual column materialized down both sides, with options on both. One side read 'Exhibition', 'Timed', 'Match', and the other 'Challenge', 'Survival', 'Tutorial'. Perhaps your average Joe would've taken the smart route and watched the tutorial, but realistically, it was a stupid card game. I'd played poker, and go fish, how much more complicated could it be? Hell, I'd go with exhibition instead.[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]> GAME MODE, SELECTED. PLEASE WAIT. <[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]A field zone flashed on the screen, as the game automatically generated five cards in front of me, apparently doing the same to the opponent. A random dice roll determined I'd have the ability to go first, adding a sixth card to my hand through no doing of my own. The cards were weird, most of them were yellow in color, and they looked like monsters, dragons, most of them. Or dinosaurs. I couldn't quite tell. At the bottom of each card were two numbers, following an 'ATK' and 'DEF' code reading. It didn't take a genius to realize the symbolism, attack and defense. What to do from there, I had no idea.[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]Pressing my finger to the screen, I pressed a card named 'Sabersaurus', a red triceratops-like creature, as the screen operator asked me to choose either 'Attack Mode' or 'Defense Mode'. Well, the attack was higher, so that only made more sense, I guess. I pressed it, with the card appearing on the field. [/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]> DO YOU WISH TO COMPLETE YOUR TURN? <[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]This was puzzling as hell, none of it made any sense. I pressed 'yes' and watched as the AI got a sixth card, just like I did a few seconds ago. This machine knew what it was doing, or so I thought, as a similar colored card appeared on the opposing field. No, wait, this one was orange. Did the colors make a difference of some sort? The monster he played was 'Axe Dragonute', and it had 2000 ATK, one hundred more than the one I'd just played. [/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]> BATTLE MODE, COMMENCING <[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]The image of a sword appeared on the screen, as my monster was destroyed, and placed in a pile in front of the Deck, the 'Graveyard', apparently. Then, the meter above my name went from two thousand to nineteen hundred. Then, a green-colored card appeared on the field. 'Cross Slash'. The sword appeared a second time, and the meter dropped to zero, just like that. The f***?[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]> THANKS FOR USING D-TERMINAL <[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]The screen flashed off, and an actual card shot out from a slot on the bottom. I slammed my fists on the arm rests, wanting to snap the thing in half. This stupid game, they don't even tell me how to play, and they expect me to participate in a tournament? I was gonna be an embarrassment out there; f*** that. I wanted to break out in a fit of rage and start throwing s***, but no sooner did the card shoot out from the slot that I heard a creak in the door behind me. I turned around, and saw what looked like a little kid, had to be nine or ten, peeking one eye through the door frame. [/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]“What the -?” I looked back at him, standing there, partially trying to hide himself. “Kid, what the hell are you doing here?”[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]“I...I didn't mean to make you mad, or anything,” he said. “I was just watching the duel. There's not much for entertainment, here, and when the word got around that they'd chosen someone new to represent the city in the tournament I, I just wanted to see what kind of person it was.”[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]Word got around? What was that supposed to mean? And he said someone new, not just someone. That's what really caught me off-guard. [/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]“Listen, kid,” I tried to avoid looking at him; I didn't want to come across as a jerk, but then again I had no interest in dealing with an annoying brat when I had enough to worry about as it is. “No offense, but I'm kinda in the middle of something here. Why don't you just get out of here?”[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]“O-okay then. I'm sorry.” He had a sad look on his face as he pulled the door shut, presumably taking off down the hallway. That was somewhat strange. I turned my attention back to the game.[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]- - -[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]About twenty minutes later, I'd played about five more duels, and lost all of them within no time. I thought I was starting to pick up the concept of the game, but any time I made a logical play, I got completely destroyed by the AI, and lost. I was getting so pissed, and decided I'd had enough for now.[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]Slamming my fist against the control panel one more time, I stormed out of the room. f*** it.[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]- - -[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]The sun was beginning to set outside, and for a moment, I stared at it, almost taken aback by how incredible it seemed compared to everything else. Trying to understand and grasp what was going on, how I had gotten here, in what I thought was only a matter of hours; it made me feel different than I'd ever felt before. I was furious; no matter how many times I tried my hand at the game, I continued to lose, in what was just a sure sign of things to come in three days when the tournament began. They were giving me a chance to fight for my freedom when in actuality, there was no true possibility of it ever happening. It didn't make too much sense, why they'd chosen me for this, and a couple of the things that boy had said really stood out in the back of my mind.[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]Right now, I wanted nothing more than a smoke and a shot of the strongest vodka around, but I couldn't rely on those teenage, childish party instincts. That had all been ripped away in just a second, and I was being left to fend for myself. I didn't even know where I was, because the outside seemed to be nothing but miles and miles of city – yet it wasn't the city I had been in.[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]The Warden had said everything was the same, that this was just a secluded area, but it wasn't. I could just tell; something was different, something was being hidden from me and probably the others here as well. The more I tried to think about it, the more confused I got. But I knew ,standing outside, leaning over the rail and staring at the world around me, that even though I had my freedom, it wasn't real freedom at all.[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]Where was I supposed to go from here? Did I go back and try again, only to keep losing? I'd been able to understand the premise, the monster cards, Spells, Traps, whatever the hell that all meant; but all I could understand was what was on the surface. How to play the actual game? I had no idea. It was a stupid children's card game and yet somehow it was the one thing deciding my future. I couldn't let this get the best of me, could I? This tough, invincible teenager had just met his match at the hands of a stack of cardboard. A national phenomenon, sure, but if kids and adults alike could understand, why was it so confusing for me? What was I missing? [/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]“I can see you're gonna have some trouble fitting in here,” came the voice. I didn't have to look, because I recognized it instantly. Roc. I didn't even acknowledge his presence as he walked up beside me on the balcony, staring off into the sunset just as I was; I could see it out of the corner of my eye, the emotion, the vein, the emptiness in his own eyes, one I had already begun to feel. “Don't answer me, it's fine. I've been where you are and in some ways I'm still there now. This place is the closest example of a living hell I think you'll ever experience, and you've only been here for a few hours. . It literally drains you of all being, until you're just a shell at the command of those in higher positions. That's what they do, you know. But something about you, I'm not sure what, is puzzling to me. You seem to have quickly accepted your fate here, yet you're not getting in line and proceeding to deal with it like the others. You're different. There's not much I can say that will help you one way or the other now, but perhaps you should consider your surroundings. I saw Kaito approach you earlier, you know. He may be young, but he's trapped here just like everybody else. He knows this game better than anyone I've ever seen in my life. Perhaps you should consider if its worth it to push away your only chance of surviving in the Grand Tournament. But hey, what do I know, right? I'm just another authority figure. Good luck Callen; you'll need it.”[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]- - -[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]I had been bested, almost. But I don't mean the game. I mean by life itself. In a matter of hours I'd been humbled to the point where my own larger than life personality had been shot and killed, and all that remained was a desperate soul in search of, anything, really. Anything that would make sense of this. I had more questions than answers, and the reality had begun to sunk in that I might not be getting those answers, ever. [/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]But Callen Rayan had never once backed down from anyone, or anything. Someone on the street was no different than someone here. If the law had no involvement, then this really was every man for themselves. And if I could somehow figure out a way to truly beat their system, then I would be able to leave with my pride intact.[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]The only way to do that was to learn this game and win this tournament.[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]- - -[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]>CONGRATULATIONS, YOU HAVE ACHIEVED VICTORY. RECEIVING PRIZE.<[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]I had seen the entire duel from outside the door, with the roles reversed this time as Kaito had seemingly mastered the challenge of the D-Terminal. I'm not sure if he knew I was there, but it was incredible to watch as he went through each move with the precision of a fighter jet. There was no time to waste.[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]“Kaito, is it?” I opened the door in its entirety, walking in. “Listen, I'm changing my mind about earlier. I'm an a******, and I'm stubborn, and sometimes I want to fight for myself, you know? But I need to learn this game, and if you're willing to teach me, I'd be willing to accept your help.”[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]I'd never seen someone smile like that in my life as his face lit up with hope. “You mean it?”[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]“I -,” I hesitated for a moment. “I do. I've got a tournament to win. But I've gotta ask, before we do this, what makes you think I'm even worth helping in the first place, kid?”[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]“Oh, that's an easy one,” he replied. “You're just like my big brother. And I think that maybe with you, I might have a chance to see him again.”[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]Ever have a moment where you don't know what to make of anything, but you know in your heart, or whatever that thing is that you have if you're like me, that you can do it? I'm pretty sure that was one of them.[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]“But come on, Callen, we've only got three days to make a pro out of you, and it sure as heck isn't gonna be easy!”[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]- - - [/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]* 3 DAYS LATER *[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]“LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, HELLO AND WELCOME TO THE 2015 DUEL MONSTERS GRAND TOURNAMENT! WE ARE COMING TO YOU LIVE ALL OVER THE WORLD VIA TELEVISION AND THE WEB FROM STONE HILL CITY, THE FIRST TIME EVER SUCH AN EVENT HAS BEEN HELD HERE!”[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]Well, this was it. It was almost seven p.m., just a few minutes from starting time. I could see from behind my side of the giant stadium, filled with thousands of spectators on both sides, cameras, news crews, just about everyone that was anyone was here, including the Warden himself, watching from a skybox with another figure who looked somewhat important. Incredible lights shone down from three sides, illuminating the field in an array of light. I would've been taken aback by the whole thing, were it not for the fact that my mind was focused on nothing but the game at hand.[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]Kaito and I had researched my opponent. Marcus Tsunio, the reigning Grand Champion, looking to defend his title for yet another year, but it had been arranged that he would be the first round opposition, against yours truly. It was a Swiss Tournament with sixteen competitors, and four rounds. Meaning that even if I lost, I wouldn't be eliminated, but victory here was as important as ever. We'd managed to construct a Deck, and I still had plenty to learn, but at least I had been able to learn the basics of the game. I knew about attack mode, defense mode, trap cards, spell cards, etc., all of that, a basic understanding. We'd constructed a Deck similar to what they had been giving me on the D-Terminal, with the exception of one card, which Kaito had given to me personally. It had belonged to his brother, who had gone by nothing but the name [i]Slayer[/i]. Even Kaito had never known his brother's real name, before he disappeared. Apparently Slayer was a mysterious figure, but had always done all he could to keep his brother safe and help those in need, before the prison had gotten a hold of him. Slayer had managed to escape, and the prison was holding Kaito captive until his return, if it ever was to happen. [/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]And yet I promised him in exchange for helping me get out of this hell hole, we'd find his brother, and reunite them. With everything he'd taught me in the past three days, there was no way I'd leave this place without helping him get out, too. It was the first time I'd felt a true obligation to someone, but one I was determined to fill. Was this a new me? Probably not. I was still an a******, and I still had plenty of problems with the authority, but the only way to really get out of here was to accept that this is how things were. They were good at this game called life; I just had to be one step [i]better[/i].[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]Marcus stepped out onto the field to a thunderous ovation from the crowd, playing and pandering to them with a smile on his face, as he prepared for “easy pickings” in his first round. His outfit was all white, a leather-style jacket with his name on the back, somewhat bedazzled – evidently the fame had gotten to him – and a pair of white leather pants to match. He looked like a tool, but f*** fashion hour. [/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]I was out next, to nothing but boos. I glanced up at the skybox to see the Warden, who smiled brightly at me. I flipped him the bird, and took my place on the field. [/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]“So, this is the trash that the cat has dragged in this year?” Marcus asked, an undeniable superiority complex in his voice. Everything about him spoke ego, and I thought that maybe, just maybe, he might be more of a douchebag than I was. [/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]“It's an honor to meet you too,” I cracked. “To duel the Grand Champion, that's a big deal. I'm about as thrilled as you'd be if the bedazzler was on a clearance sale, eh?”[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]“WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, LET THE FIRST DUEL OF THIS GRAND TOURNAMENT COMMENCE!”[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]- - -[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]“No offense, but I'm going to wipe the floor with you,” Marcus said. “You juveniles are all the same, there's not a single hope for you in the world. Allow me to demonstrate, with my opening play!”[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]And this was it. The game was really getting underway. Time to put my skills – what little they were - to the test.[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]“Come out, D.D. Telepon!” He cried out as a turquoise-colored android appeared on the field, surrounded by a feint ring of blue energy. “Up next, I'm activating the Spell Card Emergency Teleport! With this, I'm allowed to take a Psychic-Type Monster from my Deck, and Special Summon it to the field in Attack Position! So I think I'll grab a second D.D. Telepon!”[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]Another android appeared next to the first. But from what I'd learned, 500 attack points wasn't much to marvel at.[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]“And finally, by revealing D.D. Sprite in my hand, I can tune it with the two D.D. Telepon on my field, as long as I banish both of them, and the Sprite itself! Doing this allows me to Synchro Summon the Magical Android!”[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]The crowd roared and cheered with approval as a human-android esque woman appeared on the field, weiding a staff able to command the powers of Psychic energy. I'd learned about the Synchros, Fusions, Rituals, Exceed, all that, too. But there weren't too many combos I knew, and this one certainly wasn't one of them. Twenty-four hundred attack points, now that was something different.[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]“One face-down should do it.” He said. “You're up, amateur. Let's see how much of a loser you really are.”[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]“I'm not sure how I'll take down such a monster,” I replied, drawing a card. He couldn't tell if I was being legit, but I think he came to the conclusion I was just a skillless idiot. “Hm, this should do! I Summon Jurrac Guaiba in Attack Mode!”[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]Needless to say, the people were far less impressed. “And then, just one-face down card!”[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]“That's your big play? You're live on national television, a criminal by all means, and your one shot to really impress the masses you summon a weak, pitiful monster? And to think this might have been fun. I know you don't know the game too well, but my Magical Android's attack points are far stronger than your dino's. Allow me to demonstrate, Magical Android attack with Esper Staff!”[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]“UH-OH, AND HERE COMES THE FIRST BIG STRIKE OF THE GAME!”[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]The woman raised her staff, firing a beam directed at my flame-coated dinosaur, but hey, I wasn't quite as stupid as I tried to come across. “Reveal Spell Card, Shrink!”[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]“Reveal what -?!” Marcus' face was overcome with shock as the energy emitted from the 'Shrink' Spell cut the Android's beam down to size, allowing Guiaba to fire back.[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]“With this, your Magical Android's attack -”[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]“I know what it does!” He snapped.[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]“Oh, awesome, then I don't have to explain it!” Guiaba readied in position. “Jurrac Guaiba, take out that Android with Ancient Fireball!” The dinosaur shot a blast of fire from within the confines of its mouth, causing the defenseless android to explode along with it.[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]“UNBELIEVABLE! MARCUS ATTACKED RIGHT INTO A TRAP!”[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]LP[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]Marcus: 3500[/font][/size]
[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]Callen: 4000[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]“So you pulled a fast one on me, huh?” Marcus was so mad, I couldn't even believe it. It was as though being showed up by a novice at best in his first move was beyond embarrassing. Kaito had pointed out that Spell and Trap cards could be used to surprise the opponent, but the reason I'd really played it was to allow my Jurrac Guaiba to activate it's own special ability.[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]“You bet I did, but it gets better!” I explained. “See, since Jurrac Guaiba destroyed your Magical Android in battle, I'm allowed to Special Summon a Dinosaur monster from my Deck, and I think I'll take a second Guaiba!”[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]“Bring out as many pitiful monsters as you want,” he laughed, trying to regain his composure. “Next turn I'll be ready for it, and I'll turn this game around. One face-down, now take your turn.”[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]And now it was time. The three-turn combo Kaito had told me we'd pull off to get this duel underway. Using the card he'd given me personally. I didn't know if it would work, but what the hell? “You got it! I may be new to this, but I picked up on a few things! Check it out because I'm about to overlay both of my Jurracs to Exceed Summon a new Dinosaur monster! I call upon the might of Evolzar Laggia!”[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]A sphere of wind consumed the surrounding area, as a great beast began to descend down onto the field. I noticed Roc in the skybox with the Warden, and I could've sworn for a second that I saw a smile on his face.[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]It was time to duel.[/spoiler][/font][/size][/spoiler]

[i][b]Follow the duels even more in-depth with the D-Prison correlation set, Rewriting Destiny! It's a complete 100 card set featuring all the cards you'll see in the first Story Arc![/b][/i]

[size=5][b][i][url="http://forum.yugiohcardmaker.net/topic/271284-rewriting-destiny-100100-complete-set/"]Rewriting Destiny[/url][/i][/b][/size]

[Mecha Love]

Ok..... I can see 3 lines... not even that. But when I quote it, there is somewhat more........ dunno if this is the same for everyone, just clearing that up...

[.Rai]

[quote name='Thunder End Dragon' timestamp='1323449617' post='5697244']
Ok..... I can see 3 lines... not even that. But when I quote it, there is somewhat more........ dunno if this is the same for everyone, just clearing that up...
[/quote]

It's called a spoiler, darling.

I'll get to fully reviewing it in a bit, but looks good so far apart from the abuse of caps lock.

[Mecha Love]

I mean when I open the spoiler. It appears this is only happening to me

[Catterjune]

You could have... I dunno... assumed it was an error and checked back later instead of instinctively run to the quickpost tab and typing IT'S ONLY 3 LINES!! or something. I dunno, if the guy said he's been working on it for however many days I'd assume he put more then a paragraphs worth of writing into it TBQH. =\

*hasn't read the story*

[Bahamut - Envoy of the End]

See what I thought I might do was actually comment on the story.

It's certainly different, give you that.

The premise is interesting, there's certainly no garuntee for Callen's success or happiness (hell I would be pretty pissed if he did actually win the tournament from this background, it would be just too far a reach and too cliched and there's a lot of potential for events of his inevitable not winning).

Roc's character seems to be a bit of a flip-flap of contrasts. Not unbelievably so, just unsettlingly so.

Duel: Newb debuting kid against grand champion, where have I seen this before? Several places.

And as for Marcus walking straight into Shrink? Well overconfident arrogance I guess explains that away, but he does seem a generic 'I'm the egotistical hotshot champ' type.

[Synchronized]

[quote name='Thunder End Dragon' timestamp='1323449617' post='5697244']
Ok..... I can see 3 lines... not even that. But when I quote it, there is somewhat more........ dunno if this is the same for everyone, just clearing that up...
[/quote]

I haven't seen anything to imply from anyone else that this is happening. It works fine for me on my laptop and my Blackberry so I'm guessing it's just something with your computer. Maybe if you try refreshing it, it would come up. If not, I'd be glad to send it to you in a PM if you did have interest in reading it.

[quote name='.Rai' timestamp='1323449756' post='5697248']
It's called a spoiler, darling.

I'll get to fully reviewing it in a bit, but looks good so far apart from the abuse of caps lock.
[/quote]

Awesome, I'm looking forward to it. Out of curiosity, where is there an abuse of caps lock? The only caps I use are in the second part and that's when the announcer is talking, to symbolize the megaphone, speakers, booming voice, etc.

[quote name='PikaPerson01' timestamp='1323450381' post='5697260']
You could have... I dunno... assumed it was an error and checked back later instead of instinctively run to the quickpost tab and typing IT'S ONLY 3 LINES!! or something. I dunno, if the guy said he's been working on it for however many days I'd assume he put more then a paragraphs worth of writing into it TBQH. =\

*hasn't read the story*
[/quote]

Yeah, it's been about two weeks. I definitely didn't want to rush it or anything. It'd be awesome if you could take a look, but if not, I gotchya.

[quote name='Verz Bahamut' timestamp='1323456170' post='5697319']
See what I thought I might do was actually comment on the story.

It's certainly different, give you that.

[b]That's what I was going for. It's a premise we don't often see in these kinds of stories in any way.[/b]

The premise is interesting, there's certainly no garuntee for Callen's success or happiness (hell I would be pretty pissed if he did actually win the tournament from this background, it would be just too far a reach and too cliched and there's a lot of potential for events of his inevitable not winning).

[b]That would most certainly be a boring story. I can't even say whether or not the entire tournament will reach a conclusion or if outside events will play a part in the story. (Is this a red herring, or am I purposely trying to throw you off?) I definitely have some idea of where I want to go with the character which is part of the reason it took me so long for the project to get off the ground in the first place.[/b]

Roc's character seems to be a bit of a flip-flap of contrasts. Not unbelievably so, just unsettlingly so.

[b]Purposely, by the way. Roc's character has an interesting backstory that I'll slowly but surely reveal. There's definitely more to the story than just "prison tale", but there's also some other aspects of the story that I wanna focus on too.[/b]

Duel: Newb debuting kid against grand champion, where have I seen this before? Several places.

[b]Eh, it's generic, sure. But I won't keep the story that way. I don't think there's much of a way you could start to get into Callen's character without that starting point.[/b]

And as for Marcus walking straight into Shrink? Well overconfident arrogance I guess explains that away, but he does seem a generic 'I'm the egotistical hotshot champ' type.

[b]Of course he is! Why wouldn't he be? If we have to have a generic start, might as well go all out![/b]
[/quote]

The story is planned out (somewhat) farther ahead than most of my stories are, so you can expect some updates more frequently as long as it's well received.

[Agro]

I haven't read it all, but as far as I've gotten, I'm getting the vibe of a Deadman Wonderland-Yu-Gi-Oh! mash-up.

[Dr. Cakey]

Bahamut basically said what I'm thinking. The only other thing I want to bring up is the dueling itself.

1. I was confused why the D-Terminal only used 2000 LP. Is that what the Duel Terminals do?

2. Apparently, D.D. Telepon, D.D. Sprite, and Magical Android all have effects completely different from their actual ones, in which case you should probably use custom cards instead.

[Synchronized]

[quote name='Dr. Cakey-chan' timestamp='1323469520' post='5697708']
Bahamut basically said what I'm thinking. The only other thing I want to bring up is the dueling itself.

1. I was confused why the D-Terminal only used 2000 LP. Is that what the Duel Terminals do?

[i][b]Yeah, they have basically a 20-card Deck, shorter duel just for the purpose of winning a card. I tried to keep that premise here while only changing it a little.[/b][/i]

2. Apparently, D.D. Telepon, D.D. Sprite, and Magical Android all have effects completely different from their actual ones, in which case you should probably use custom cards instead.

[b][i]Magical Android's effect is no different. I kept the effect exactly the same, I just didn't use it. Telepon and Sprite I changed, but only to fit the story. (Don't forget, this is somewhat of a different storyline.) I won't keep changing effects, I just did it for the purpose of the episode.[/i][/b]
[/quote]

[Synchronized]

Hopefully, I'll have Episode 2 posted (or at least somewhat done) by tonight. Every other episode will be purposely shorter, for reasons I'll explain later. That, and it makes some episodes worth looking forward to more than others. I'm trying to make this one stand out so hopefully people will pay some attention to it.

[Agro]

I liked it. I'm not sure how often Yu-Gi-Oh! fics about people that don't play show up, and I love the fact that he's a criminal without doing anything (as I stated earlier, I'm a fan of Deadman Wonderland, and this has the same feel to open.

More importantly, he's going to Laggia some a******.

I think the only thing I'd think you should extrapolate on is how Kaito and Callen got so close. It felt kinda sudden especially since Callen, a person who doesn't really care about others that much suddenly wants to do everything he can to save this kid and reunite him with his older brother.

But overall, I really like it so far.

[Synchronized]

[quote name='Passion Pit' timestamp='1323845515' post='5705957']
I liked it. I'm not sure how often Yu-Gi-Oh! fics about people that don't play show up, and I love the fact that he's a criminal without doing anything (as I stated earlier, I'm a fan of Deadman Wonderland, and this has the same feel to open.

More importantly, he's going to Laggia some a******.

I think the only thing I'd think you should extrapolate on is how Kaito and Callen got so close. It felt kinda sudden especially since Callen, a person who doesn't really care about others that much suddenly wants to do everything he can to save this kid and reunite him with his older brother.

But overall, I really like it so far.
[/quote]

This is where [b]2[/b] plays a role. We're taking a small break from the duel to explore the backstory. Every other episode will be somewhat shorter, for the purpose of that.

[Agro]

[quote name='- Sharpshooter -' timestamp='1323899380' post='5707020']
This is where [b]2[/b] plays a role. We're taking a small break from the duel to explore the backstory. Every other episode will be somewhat shorter, for the purpose of that.
[/quote]Alright. Anyway...[size=1]I'M STILL F*CKING WAITING STAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!![/size]

[IceDorago]

I like this. Yu-Gi-Oh! stories generally involve either an expert duelist as the main, or someone who isn't that good at the game. I very rarely see ones about those who are either average or don't know how to play at all.

There are a couple things, though. I find the idea of putting him up against the champion a bit ridiculous, at least for a first game. The duel made sense, though, I guess... Cocky champion faced against guy who has 3 days of experience? Not that surprising that he'd underestimate the opponent and walk straight into Shrink, and if he's really that cocky, his playstyle might just be that aggressive, but still, you'd think a champion would have more sense than to do that.

And if you're using Android's irl effect, you kind of can't opt out on it.

But, I am liking it.

[Synchronized]

[spoiler=2: The Strength of Silence]
[font=arial,helvetica,sans-serif][size=3]…

[i]Huh? Oh, right. Where were we? Just about the point where I'd pulled off my first big move of the game, bringing out my new Exceed monster, 'Evolzar Laggia'. The looks on the faces of near everyone in the arena said exactly what Marcus was feeling: how could someone like me pull off a move like that? That part? That part's easy. But this is my story, after all, and I'd rather show you, then just tell you. We'll get back to the duel, but first, I've gotta explain how I got to this point in the first place.[/i]

[i]Of course, if you don't have interest in finding out some of the backstory, you can skip right ahead to the very last paragraph where we get back to current time (sort of), but hey, I'd stick around. There's a lot to look forward to.[/i]

[b]2: The Strength of Silence[/b]

Kaito was standing a good distance away when the inmate first walked up, completely oblivious to everything around him. I'm not sure exactly how big he was, but seeing as Kaito was ten years old and no more than three and a half feet tall, he was at least double that size. I was leaning back against the wall with one foot pressed up, wishing I had a bottle of vodka to take me out of this reality entirely, as Kaito shuffled through a deck of cards when the guy rammed right into him. It wasn't intentional, I didn't think, but at the same time, I don't think he much cared one way or another as he blasted Kaito to the ground. I rushed over to him to see if he was alright, the nice guy in me coming out at least momentarily.

The prisoner had continued to walk by for a moment, but as I tried to help Kaito sit up, he stopped, and turned around, glaring at me with an anger in his eyes. I returned the stare, entirely unafraid, but thinking of Kaito's safety in the back of my mind at the same time. It had been two days since we'd first met, and only one day remained until the beginning of the tournament; I still had a ton to learn, so the stubborn, arrogant punk in me could attribute my worry as nothing more than an insurance policy, if you wanted to go that route. Either way, I think I was starting to care for the kid, at least a little.

He began to advance towards me, a look in his eyes so angry, you'd think someone hid his steroids on a shelf too high for him to reach. He was jacked out of his mind, to the point where it was almost freaky. Rationally, I should've been scared as f*ck, but for some reason, I couldn't find it in me to take him seriously. That, and I had no idea what he wanted. I hadn't said a word to anyone since I got here, with Kaito, Roc, and the Warden being the exceptions (and even then), yet I guess I had assumed we were all in this together somehow, you know? Honor among thieves, or something like that. I still didn't know why I was here.

“Oh, so you're protecting the kid now, huh?” He asked the question in a booming, burly voice. “I guess that means I should be the first to give you a cordial welcome.” He clenched his fists as he spoke – not the best intentions.

“I'm all set, thanks,” I snapped back. “I'll skip the welcoming committee in it's entirety, thanks.”

He didn't like that one much, as he grabbed me by the collar, causing Kaito to fall back to the ground as he slammed me up against the wall, tightening his grip of my shirt, and making it a little difficult to breathe, but I managed to look down towards the ground at the kid to see if he was okay. As I looked, he looked too, and I jabbed him with a thumb to the eye. What I could best describe as a yelp followed that, and he quickly lost hold.

And that, that might have only made him angrier, as he rushed at me again, complete with a shoulder tackle that just about knocked my insides out, and I slammed into the unforgiving brick wall. His eyes were going a mile a minute as he grabbed my shirt again. “You only made matters worse for yourself, punk. Now hand over that card unless you want to feel even worse.”

“The card?” I asked, trying not to stare at him, or be anywhere near his face – his breath was absolutely hideous. “I don't know what you're talking about.”

“You may be new around here, but that don't mean I'm about to play friendly. Now hand it over!”

“Dude, chill the f*ck out, I've got no idea what you're talking about.” His heavy breathing confused me – was he trying to be rational and consider the possibility, or was it only making him angrier? I really had no clue. I didn't have any cards on me. I'd played a few games with Kaito, but only using some random pile of cards provided by the prison security for the purpose of learning. He must've been thinking of someone else – that was the only explanation that made sense.

“The D-Terminal reports an Ultra Rare card was awarded today,” he tightened his grip, continuing to speak. “And you were logged in at the time of its deposit. So don't bullshit me!”

Kaito tried to move, but I could tell he was in pain, his much smaller frame had taken a hard shot. “I think you're messing with the wrong person.”

Though his voice was quieter, Kaito was able to grab the guy's attention almost instantly, and he dropped me to the floor. It hurt, but I was bruised already, so it didn't make much of a difference.

He turned towards Kaito. “Why don't you stay out of this? I'm not afraid to hurt a kid.” There was a cold stare in his eyes – as if he had truly been devoid of any emotion at all. Was that what this place did to you? Was it that draining? I had already begun to feel the effects, and I lacked emotion for the most part from the getgo.

“I'm young, but I've been here longer than you.” Kaito forced himself to stand. To see that kind of resolve in a ten year old kid was unbelievable. It made me feel so small and insigificant it wasn't even funny. “Before you go around making judgment calls, you should know Callen didn't win the card; I did. He left his D-Terminal logged on and I played a few games for practice. I know for a fact I got the card you're looking for.”

Well this was news to me. But, whatever. I could've cared less one way or another.

“I see, tough guy,” he glanced at me. “So you've got a little kid fighting your battles. I should kick your ass just for that. But I think it'd make more of a point if I took it out on the kid instead.”

I clenched my fist, holding the back of my head with my other hand. The wall was f***ing brutal. There were two things I hated in this world: people who hurt women and children, and police. It looked like I didn't have to worry about one here, but the other, the other was not something I took lightly. I'd drink anything you put in front of me, and there's not much I'd be afraid to do, but when it came to this s***, I didn't mess around. Unfortunately, even though I tried to stand and intervene, my body didn't have the strength to. I couldn't physically [i]do[/i] it.

“I've got an idea,” Kaito said. “As you can tell, I'm not big enough or powerful enough to fight you for it, but if you're interested in a duel, I'd be glad to. See, Callen's in the training stages, and defeating you would give me plenty of ways to demonstrate the basics of a duel.”

Say what? I wasn't sure how to react. They were going to solve their problems over a card game? No way, no way this game could be [i]that [/i]popular that Mr. Bulkie over here would agree to it. Yet just as I said it, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a Deck of cards, just like the ones we'd seen earlier. He shuffled through them a few times.

“Fine, you've got yourself a deal.”

- - -

Before I knew it, we moved down the hallway to a huge room, surrounded by stone walls and a few windows with bars over them. Generic jail stuff, really. But what was impressive was the giant platform in the middle of the room, which spanned at least the length of a football field in its entirety, lined up with LED lights on both sides. There were two smaller platforms build into the main one. Kaito stepped upon one, and the large, obnoxious inmate on the other. I could see from the television monitor hanging above it that each side had a field layout similar to the D-Terminal, except this was incredibly larger, and not inside a computer. I'd learned the basics, Summoning, Spells, Traps, even Fusion Summoning and Exceed Summoning to an extent, but this was the real deal. Two guys who (apparently) knew how to play. One in his twenties at least, and the other a ten year old boy who came across as the only person I could trust in this whole place. What my life had become in just two days.

“Since I was kind enough to show you mercy, I'll be making the first move. You're about to learn why Bruno's such a feared name around these parts.” The inmate, whose name was apparently Bruno, shuffled his Deck and placed it down on the platform, where it was quickly scanned. He drew six cards, but I'd learned that a duelist starts with five, and adds a new one each turn. Simple enough. “I think I'll start with my Kinniku Guard in attack position.”

A musclebound warrior carved in stone emerged from a shining light on the field. “Then, since my Guard was Normal Summoned, I can discard a useless card from my hand to give him a boost of five hundred points. Let's see how you take that one down.”

“A pretty basic opening move,” Kaito didn't seem too concerned. “I'll counter with Silent Axe in Defense Mode.” A wind elemental taking the form of a beast-warrior with an axe in its right arm took its place in front of Kaito, and I was beginning to marvel at the pure might of these monsters and how real they appeared to be. “Next, I play the Spell Card Silence Wave.”

“Heh, ironic really,” Bruno remarked. “Silence would've kept you out of the trouble you're about to be in.”

Kaito shrugged. “Let's test that theory. With Silence Wave in play, I can now banish the Silent Axe on my field, and replace him with another one from my Deck.”

I wanted to see some action, but it looked like Kaito was using a more skillful play. I'd faced this Deck a couple of times with that pile of random stuff, and ended up getting lost halfway through his combos.

“When Silent Axe is banished, I can take another one from my Deck and add it to my hand, but since Silence Wave is on the field, I can Special Summon it to the field immediately!” I could see Bruno was trying to figure out the strategy himself. Fun to watch, really.

“Finally,” Kaito explained, “Since Silent Axe was Special Summoned to the field, I can draw a new card. I think one face-down should end it for now.”

“My brain hurts after that.” Bruno drew a card, swinging it into his hand as though it was a candy bar he was about to chow down on. “So I'll take out that frustration on you! I Summon Kinniku Novice!”

A second musclebound figure, this one dressed in a cloak, and significantly less jacked than the first one, knelt down on the field next to the larger one, prepared to strike if need be. “When Novice is summoned, I can target another Kinniku monster on my field, and that monster gains five-hundred attack points! Meaning my Guard becomes even more powerful!”

That didn't look good for Kaito, who somewho kept his cool really well. He stood his ground and watched as Bruno prepared to launch the first attack. “Kinniku Guard, take out his Axe with Stone Fist Pummel!” The elemental didn't stand a chance. “Now, Novice gets to do some damage! Attack his Life Points directly!”

[b]Kaito's Life Points: 3200[/b]
[b]Bruno's Life Points: 4000[/b]

“Still feelin' brave kid?” Bruno asked as he placed two cards face-down on the field. “Didn't think so.”

Kaito no-sold the insults. “My draw! And I'll start by bringing Silent Wing to the field, in defense mode!” The winged beast hovered above the field. “And when Silent Wing appears, I can grab another Silent Monster from my Deck and add it to my hand! But with Silence Wave still in play, I can Special Summon that monster instead!”

Bruno tried to follow the move, growing confused. “Bring out whatever you want; you can't overcome the might of my musclebound army!”

“I think I'll take another Silent Axe!” Kaito declared as a monster looking identical to the one destroyed last turn took its place on the field, hovering in the air. I found myself really into the duel – I was learning while watching, but I was more interested in the fact that Kaito was playing with such confidence – even though it was just a card game – against such a threatening opponent.

I felt like I was in the same boat as Bruno, for that matter, though. The more Kaito played with a wicked fast pace and not missing a beat, the more confused I got. This game was way more complicated than I thought it would be. And I still had to master it, with only a day left to go. However, one thing I had been able to pick up on quite well in our training was the Exceed Summon. If I was right, I was about to see Kaito pull out the monster he'd used against me multiple times, [i]Silent Commander[/i]. And with that, he could place it from that pile of cards on the side, the Extra Deck, on top of two monsters that were Level 3, as long as they were “Silent” monsters.

“Sorry in advance for the super long turn, but I'm not about to lose this card to someone who can't even beat me.” It was amazing; outside of duels, Kaito was a shy and quiet kid, who – if he didn't speak – you wouldn't even know was there. But when it was time to step up, it was unlike anything I'd ever seen. I knew, with my minimal understanding of the game, that Bruno stood no chance at taking this one. “Anyway, back to the move, now that I've got both monsters on the field, I'll overlay them both, to Exceed Summon the Rank 3, Silent Commander!”

What happened next was visually breathtaking, as the two monsters that had occupied Kaito's field were gone in a burst of light, and a much larger creature took their place. It was human in shape, and still had no actual [i]form[/i], it was another elemental-like creature, except clad in black and gold armor, tribal in design. In its right hand was a large sword, emblazened with the same design. Yet it still had less attack points than the Guard on the opposite side of the field.

“How's a punk kid like you have an Exceed Monster?” Bruno asked. “Must be all that time you've spent here being an embarrassment to the whole place.”

“I was trained by the best, Bruno,” Kaito replied, and I swear for a second there was almost a smile on his face. “That's why I'm not intimidated by people like you. Now, if you don't mind, I'd like to finish this up! And I'll do that by activating the Spell Card Shard of Silence!”

Kaito grinned. I knew this card, too. “With Shard of Silence, all “Silent” monsters I control gain five-hundred attack points; I think that's a strategy you're familiar with.” Bruno gritted his teeth, not appreciating Kaito's demeanor. “Next, I'll activate Silent Commander's ability! With this, I can detach an overlay unit to Special Summon a monster from my Graveyard, and I think I'll choose Silent Axe!”

“Wait a second,” Bruno interrupted. “I thought “Silent” monsters couldn't be Special Summoned from the Graveyard? Are you tryina mess with me here?”

“Normally they can't, but with Silent Commander in play, that rule's null and void.” Kaito smiled his lesser warrior re-emerged. “And see, there's no limit to the amount of times I can use my Commander's ability! In that case, I'll be sure to do it a second time, and bring back another Silent Axe!”

He drew two cards from his Deck; one for the effect of each monster.

“What's this, some kind of obnoxiously long combo? I'm getting tired of playing these stalling games.”

“Consider yourself in luck, then!” Kaito said. “Because I'm about to put an end to this! Next, I'll overlay the two Silent Axe I just brought back to the field to Summon a second Silent Commander!”

What happened next shattered Bruno's confidence as Kaito proceeded to repeat the process, detaching the two Axes from his new Commander, and summoning a third. When all was said and done, Bruno was staring down a field of three Exceed Monsters, and two Axes that were anything but friendly. How the f*ck had Kaito pulled off a move to this caliber?

“So let's do it then! Silent Commander, attack the Kinniku Novice with Silent Stride Slash!”

“All that setup, just to walk into a Trap!” Bruno exclaimed, revealing one of the cards he'd set last turn. “Activate, Kinniku Counter attack! With this Trap Card, I can discard a card from my hand, and in doing so, your attacking monster is automatically destroyed!”

Bruno smiled at his comeback, but the monster continued forward, slicing the stone warrior straight in half.

[b]Bruno's Life Points: 2800[/b]
[b]Kaito's Life Points: 3200[/b]

“What the hell? My Trap Card should've destroyed you!”

Kaito nodded, and it made sense now. He'd used [i]Shard of Silence[/i] to prevent the destruction of his monster, of course at the cost of the attack points, but a worthwhile move at that. “My Spell Card, Shard of Silence. By getting rid of it entirely, my monster's safe from destruction, but only once. Still, it's worth it because this duel's gonna end this turn! Now that your Novice is off the field, your Guard's attack points go back down to 2000, meaning my second Silent Commander can take it out, though it'll destroy itself in the process!”

The two creatures collided in the center of the platform, with neither result looking good. Yet it looked much worse for Bruno, who was wide open and staring down four thousand points of damage, more than enough to bring an end to this one. “And with the rest of the attacks, that's game!”

[b]Bruno's Life Points: 0[/b]

- - -

The visuals were epic, no doubt, but what really won me over was how much the game changed Kaito's personality as a whole. For a kid like this, who I still didn't know much about, to be able to go up there and compete as if he was the strongest, most confident person on the damn planet, was more than enough to convince me that, with his help, I could get out of this mess.

But our problems weren't quite over. As Kaito stepped down from the platform, I noticed Bruno doing the same on the other side. Rather than accept his defeat and move on, he'd grown even [i]more [/i]angry than he was when this whole thing started. He made his way towards us, as Kaito showed no signs of fear, or reaction at all. Hell, I was a tough kid, but this guy was frightening the sh*t out of me.

“You think you can make a laughing stock of me like that?” Bruno asked, continuing to advance. “That's a duel, and it's all well and good, but here, in the real world, you don't stand a chance. Now hand over that card, and maybe I'll show you a little mercy.”

“Kaito,” I said looking at the boy. “Maybe you should just give it to him, you know, so we can make it out of here alive?”

He said nothing. Just continued to stare, as Bruno pushed me up against the wall. With me out of the way, he went towards Kaito, but I figured I had no choice but to step in. After all, he'd already laid his hands on me. A stiff shot to the back of his right knee slowed him down a bit, and I tried to catch him with a right hook to the face. He blocked it though, grabbing my hand and literally squeezing the life out of it. He lifted me by my shirt, throwing me back into the wall, and the back of my head slammed hard. I could feel it start to bleed on contact, before I even hit the floor.

Everything was dizzy, but I started to see him make his way towards Kaito once more. I wanted to help, I knew I [i]needed [/i]to, but my body didn't even have the strength to move. I couldn't stand up, and the longer time went by, the more my concsciousness began to fade. Why wasn't he afraid? Why would he just stand there, not even making an effort to save himself from what could very well be a life-threatening shot?

“Dude, don't be an idiot, get the f*ck out of the way!” I called out to him, but he paid no attention to me. Part of me was hoping for security to burst through the door and make the save, but reality slapped me in the face. Bruno grabbed Kaito by his throat, and forced him up against the wall, much like he'd done to me. Except this was a kid. A motherf*cking kid. I tried to stand, and Kaito glanced towards me, motioning with his eyes for me to escape while Bruno was distracted.

I couldn't believe it; this was actually happening right now. It was in that moment, I knew for a fact I wasn't going to leave this place without taking him with me. The amount of abuse he must've taken over the years of being here – hell, and I didn't even know why, aside from a brief comment he'd made about his brother that implied the older of the two had been here before – had resorted to him just giving up on everything [i]except[/i] dueling. But that didn't explain why he'd helped me.

And I had to know. I didn't like him, per se, but I had no intention of letting him be hurt at my expense. I didn't need anyone else's help but my own.

Callen Rayan was not one to be pushed around and not push back. I kicked back against the wall and forced myself to stand, despite the pain that had only increased since I'd woken up yesterday morning. “Who said I needed a kid to fight my own battles?”

Bruno turned around as I formed the words, dropping Kaito to the floor, not caring about his well-being in the slightest. I readied myself for what might be a losing brawl, but I wasn't going to go down without a fight. He swung at me, but I ducked it, and I could still feel the blood on the back of my head; whether or not I was still bleeding I was too “in the moment” to know for sure. He swung again, but I ducked it, and swept his right leg out from under him.

He slipped for only a second, and I turned my attention to Kaito, making sure he was alright. His eyes were only half-open, but he was still breathing, and that was enough for me to finish this up. After all, I had no intention of over-powering this guy; simply strategy. Like Kaito did in his duel, almost, except I'd grown up fighting. Bruno charged at me, but I sidestepped it, tripping him and causing him to crash into the wall, his large size only adding to the momentum, and the momentum only adding to the pain. I tried to catch my breath, before blasting him with a kick to the back of the skull, while his head was against the brick. He yelled in pain, and dropped to the floor.

It was safe to say that would hold him for a little while. “Come on, we've got training to finish. I've got a tournament to win.”

I motioned to Kaito, who stood, and simply followed, still not showing any emotion.

It was as if he was becoming me, and I was becoming him.

Damnit, if I became soft because of this thing, I was gonna have to hurt somebody.

- - -[/size][/font]

[font=Arial, sans-serif][size=2][b]To be continued...[/b][/spoiler][/size][/font]

[quote name='Icemare Moon' timestamp='1324136634' post='5712561']
I like this. Yu-Gi-Oh! stories generally involve either an expert duelist as the main, or someone who isn't that good at the game. I very rarely see ones about those who are either average or don't know how to play at all.

There are a couple things, though. I find the idea of putting him up against the champion a bit ridiculous, at least for a first game. The duel made sense, though, I guess... Cocky champion faced against guy who has 3 days of experience? Not that surprising that he'd underestimate the opponent and walk straight into Shrink, and if he's really that cocky, his playstyle might just be that aggressive, but still, you'd think a champion would have more sense than to do that.

And if you're using Android's irl effect, you kind of can't opt out on it.

But, I am liking it.
[/quote]

I knew people would have things like that to say about the ending, but the duel will encompass all of [b]3[/b], which will definitely explain a bit more why the Champion is the way he is. I'm not going to end this duel like everyone's expecting it to.

Magical Android's effect will be used the way it is; I changed Telepon and Sprite, but I won't be changing any more of them.

[IceDorago]

[quote name='- Sharpshooter -' timestamp='1324160451' post='5713461']
Magical Android's effect will be used the way it is; I changed Telepon and Sprite, but I won't be changing any more of them.
[/quote]

I read that you were keeping the effect of Android, I was saying that, while you said you chose not use it, you actually can't do that as it's a mandatory effect.

I like the custom cards used. I was a bit worried that these "backstory chapters" would be void of the card games, but it seems that's not the case.

[Bahamut - Envoy of the End]

Custom cards, okay.

Custom cards that we are not given information as to their ATK, DEF, and effects, not okay.

[Synchronized]

[quote name='Icemare Moon' timestamp='1324163617' post='5713614']
I read that you were keeping the effect of Android, I was saying that, while you said you chose not use it, you actually can't do that as it's a mandatory effect.

I like the custom cards used. I was a bit worried that these "backstory chapters" would be void of the card games, but it seems that's not the case.
[/quote]

Nope, I'm definitely trying to make this stand out, you know?

As for the custom cards, you can click the link in the first post that takes you to the Set, and it has [i]all[/i] the custom cards used, including the ones that will be used, if you were curious on confirming an effect.

[quote name='Verz Bahamut' timestamp='1324165948' post='5713785']
Custom cards, okay.

Custom cards that we are not given information as to their ATK, DEF, and effects, not okay.
[/quote]

Like I said, there's a link in the first post to the [i]Rewriting Destiny[/i] set. It's a 100 card set, and it has all of the cards used (and that will be used) in the first arc. I did that because I think putting the (spoilers) in the actual episode makes it look bad, but there's no card used that won't be included in that set list.

You can just go CTRL + F and look up anything you want to see, but I tried to actually explain everything. On the next ones though, I'll definitely include the ATK/DEF for simplicity purposes. The effects though, and stuff like that, you can see all of that in the Set. I just figured that makes it look more organized.

[.Leo]

I have just started reading chapter #1 and I am actually very impressed right now. Your description is so vivid. It paints a great picture in my head. I can't wait to finish reading through this story.

[Synchronized]

[quote name='.Leo' timestamp='1324517054' post='5722097']
I have just started reading chapter #1 and I am actually very impressed right now. Your description is so vivid. It paints a great picture in my head. I can't wait to finish reading through this story.
[/quote]

Thanks. . I feel like that's one of the things I have trouble with, so it's nice to hear someone say it's actually good. Looking forward to the rest of your comments.

[Not-so-Radiant Arin]

[color=#ff0000][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif][size=7]Going with Something Different - (the writer formerly known as) Devil's Advocate's "Heartfelt" Review![/size][/font][/color]

[color=#ff0000]Ahh, it feels great to be back in my rightful place. I've missed out on so much, and only the best and the brightest would come here to celebrate such a stated fact. Ever since I first came here on YCM, I've had many experiences in reviewing, writing, critiquing, and talking about Fan-Fiction and ideas for Fan-Fiction. I've met many a friend that are willing to have their Fan-Fiction reviewed by me, and every step which-way ends up being a win-win situation.[/color]

[color=#FF0000]The story goes that one of my fellow writing colleagues one day came up with the idea to model a Fan-Fiction based off the Epic of Gilgamesh. And what was his source? Final Fantasy XII.[/color]

[color=#FF0000]Many laughs were had that day, but in the end, it goes to show you that you can never really leave the Fan-Fiction section behind. And if you do, it'll come back to kick you in the face one of these days.[/color]

[color=#FF0000]Right, now I've decided to be more optimistic and try not to flame anybody while I am trying to do my reviews, but then my review will lack the punch it really needs to be a smart, educated, and lulzy piece of work. With that in mind, as I flip through the pages (or scroll the mouse down, if you prefer) of my fellow writer's story "Yu-Gi-Oh! D-Prison", with the correct spelling by the way, please take a seat and enjoy the rest of the movie.[/color]

[color=#FF0000]**Insert Credit Sequence here**[/color]

[color=#FF0000][font=courier new,courier,monospace]Director: Star, the Sharpshooter[/font][/color]

[color=#FF0000][font=courier new,courier,monospace]Supporting Roles: Everyone I forgot to mention here.[/font][/color]

[color=#FF0000][font=courier new,courier,monospace]Yu-Gi-Oh! D-Prison (which should really be Dimensional Prison for people that really don't know what it means): Chapter 1: Don't Do the Crime[/font][/color]

[i][size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]"See, I told you, he's fine," came the voice. I sat up and looked around, feeling the effects of whatever had happened with pulsing shocks through my body, almost relentless for something as simple as sitting up. Damn.[/font][/size][/i]

[font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif][size=3][color=#FF0000]Instantly, I marvel in joy at the thought of using first-person. "I did this, I did that." It certainly sounds cool, doesn't it? Let's continue and see if it works itself out in the end... [/color][/size][/font]

[i][size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif][size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]Could those lights have been any more blinding? [b]Made it almost impossible to grasp what the room looked like, nevermind anything else[/b]. My mind was still somewhat blurry to everything but it looked like it might have been a hospital bed. No, you know what? On second glance, it was [i]definitely[/i] a hospital bed. But how did I get there? [/font][/size][/font][/size][/i]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif][color=#FF0000]Because in this piece of work, proper grammar doesn't exist. And I don't care if your excuse is "Fragments are okay". They aren't. By the way, "never mind" is two words.[/color][/font][/size]

[i][size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif][size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]I still had my jeans on, black [i]Levi's [/i]to be specific. Had 'em for two years almost, you could tell by the fade. Still, I wasn't much into style, they got me from place to place, after all. There was a t-shirt, too. Plain white, covered in dirt, mud, I couldn't even till because my mind was still buzzing. But I was definitely in rough shape. What the hell had happened? I couldn't remember a thing. [/font][/size][/font][/size][/i]

[font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif][size=3][color=#FF0000]Is all of this necessary? You might as well be talking about the stars on a night filled with clouds. Or talking about the mystical adventures that happen inside a toaster whenever you bake bread.[/color][/size][/font]

[i][size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif][size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]There were a few people in my face, but at the motion of a hand, they retreated, heading out into the hallway. At second glance, I realized this wasn't a hospital by any means. A hospital bed, maybe, but it was some kind of low, run-down facility.[/font][/size][/font][/size][/i]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif][color=#FF0000]And you were able to decipher this within the space of two paragraphs?[/color][/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif][color=#FF0000]I smell a rotten Gary Sue.[/color][/font][/size]

[i][size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif][size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]The "blinding light" was a small lantern hanging from the ceiling. I guess it was just my mind adjusting to things again. "Get up, punk. You're breathing, there's no need to occupy this room any longer. Back to your cell."[/font][/size][/font][/size][/i]

[i][size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif][size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif][i]Back to my cell?[/i] What the f***? None of this made any sense. Was I in a prison? [/font][/size][/font][/size][/i]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif][color=#FF0000]What other places treat people like absolute garbage? Besides the bank...of course.[/color][/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif][color=#FF0000]Also, you named the title of your work "D-PRISON!!!!". That should give some kind of indication that the setting in question really is...in fact...a Prison.[/color][/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif][color=#FF0000]Or you're at the bank.[/color][/font][/size]

[i][size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif][size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]How could that have happened? The last thing I remember was being somewhere in the city, with a couple of buddies. I don't remember where we were headed - I think it was Axel's place. His brother had scored us some booze, and we were planning on a fun night. But for some reason, I'm feeling like we might not have gotten that far. Or maybe we did. Maybe we got busted and that's why I was there in the first place. I was only eighteen years old, three years under the legal age in America, but we never gave a s*** about any of that.[/font][/size][/font][/size][/i]

[font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif][size=3][color=#ff0000]Because drinking is illegal...**insert IN AMERICA! joke that probably isn't appropriate for this situation**[/color][/size][/font]

[font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif][size=3][color=#FF0000]Besides, I thought all of the Yu-Gi-Oh! Settings usually took place in Japan.[/color][/size][/font]

[i][size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif][size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]Lieutenant Roc, as the man's name was revealed to me, didn't take s*** from anyone. [/font][/size][/font][/size][/i]

[color=#ff0000][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif][size=3]That was quick. And you didn't even bother to tell us any of the surrounding story as to how the main character, who is still unnamed by the way, figured out the other person's name.[/size][/font][/color]

[color=#FF0000][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif][size=3]Gary Sue Count +1.[/size][/font][/color]

[i][size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif][size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]He grabbed my arm and forced me to my feet, with a stiff slap on the back, ordering me back to the cell. I'm not sure if he could sense that I really was clueless as to where I was going, or if he was just feeling generous, but he extended his arm to assist with the directions, which I promptly followed. I was having trouble standing as it is, fatigued as hell, and as much as I wanted to portray a tough image, it was pointless here. You tried to act tough, you got belittled instantly. [/font][/size][/font][/size][/i]

[color=#ff0000][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif][size=3]So, within the space of a paragraph, this Lieutenant Roc character went from "insane, ballistic psycho warden-like absolute mess of a hellhole I'm going to make your life miserable" to "Have a pleasant stay."[/size][/font][/color]

[i][size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif][size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]Talk about making you feel welcome. They shoved me into a cell, gated and all, straight out of something you'd see in a modern day western flick. I thought they'd upgraded these facilities? Heh. It didn't matter. I'd be out of here before they even had a chance to really make me wallow in shame. Axel would bail me out, I'm sure, and if not, I had some others I could put a call into. Whatever I did couldn't have been that bad, anyway. We only had a twelve pack. They can't lock you up for that s***, not for long.[/font][/size][/font][/size][/i]

[font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif][size=3][color=#ff0000]Realistic diction is unrealistic. It's a Fan-Fiction; it's not always going to cater to real-world situations. Why should the dialog follow suit?[/color][/size][/font]

[font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif][size=3][color=#FF0000]However, I will admit that the Nameless Character **insert Hero Reference here** has a lot of aptitude, even though he really only is talking to himself.[/color][/size][/font]

[i][size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif][size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]"Don't I get a call or something?" I asked, intentionally snarkily, from behind the temporary safety of the gates. Roc shot me a look that implied I should watch the attitude, but I didn't care. What more could they do to me? I'd been through tougher s*** then a few blows.[/font][/size][/font][/size][/i]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif][i][size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]"Go ahead and speak without being spoken to again," Roc stared me dead in the eyes. "And the only call you'll be getting is one for an ambulance. And you won't be so lucky as to survive like you did this time around."[/font][/size][/i][/font][/size]

[font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif][color=#ff0000][size=3]"And also, be sure to check out our fitness spa, our twenty-four hour therapy program with any of our fifteen professional life coaches, our gymnasium equipped with the latest in dueling technology, and of course, the full course meal that will be prepared in twenty minutes. And again, have a pleasant stay!"[/size][/color][/font]

[i][size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif][size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]Harsh. His comments implied they weren't up for playing games around here. Still, I knew I was untouchable. It was a bunch of empty threats, made really to try and enforce their will, but it wasn't the first time I'd dealt with law enforcement, and it certainly wouldn't be the last. So I figured I'd try and really get under his skin, see just how far he'd go, because eventually I'd get a lawyer and get the hell out of this place - wherever it was.[/font][/size][/font][/size][/i]

[font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif][size=3][color=#ff0000]Didn't he just tap you on the back two seconds ago? Or am I being too literal now?[/color][/size][/font]

[i][size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif][size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]"You don't get a call," he explained. [/font][/size][/font][/size][/i]

[font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif][size=3][color=#ff0000]Then I'd like to poll the audience.[/color][/size][/font]

[i][size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif][size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]"This place isn't what you think it is; people like you don't get to go to the fancy prisons. You'd never learn your lesson there." Roc turned around to look towards the wall in front of him, as if abandoning his duties for a moment. "Trust me, I know. I've been here before, but I was smart enough to change my life around and make changes. But things were different then; you don't stand a chance here."[/font][/size][/font][/size][/i]

[i][size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif][size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]"Spare me the self-condoling lectures," I snapped at him, getting the same dead stare from earlier. "I don't give a s*** about your life story, man. I just wanna get out of here. I know I have a right to a lawyer, so why don't you tell me what's really going on?"[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]"You don't have a right to s*** here, kid!" He shouted. "That's the whole damn point! They don't send you here for just anything; we're essentially isolated from the rest of the city, the guys in charge do whatever they want, and there's absolutely no repercussions for it. Might as well get comfortable."[/font][/size][/font][/size][/i]

[font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif][size=3][color=#ff0000]There's some swearing here. I might be tempted to pull up a quote I have stored in my "quote database", but I won't need to use it unless in the case of an absolute emergency that takes away from the reality of the story.[/color][/size][/font]

[i][size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif][size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]"That's not the way we treat a guest, is it?" I sat back on the stone slab embedded in the wall, glancing over as a man walked down the hallway, dressed in what was some kind of high-level, top-money black suit. I despised those kinds of people, but it was obvious from his appearance that he commanded respect, and authority. If the look wasn't enough, Roc's frozen pose and the same pose from the other guards down the hallway was more than enough to confirm it. His hair was greyish, and he had to be...maybe fifty? Early sixties? I'm not sure - it wasn't easy to tell. "I'm so glad to see you've recovered." He gave a friendly smile.[/font][/size][/font][/size][/i]

[color=#ff0000][size=8][font=tahoma,geneva,sans-serif]E[/font][/size][/color][color=#ff8c00][size=8]X[/size][/color][size=8][color=#FFFF00]P[/color][color=#00ff00]O[/color][color=#00ffff]S[/color][color=#0000ff]I[/color][color=#800080]T[/color][color=#0000ff]I[/color][color=#00ff00]O[/color][color=#ff8c00]N[/color][/size] [color=#ff0000][size=8]RAINBOW!!!!!!!![/size][/color]

[size=8][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif][size=3][color=#ff0000]Care to tell us what's going on? So those two know each other?[/color][/size][/font][/size]

[i][size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif][size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]Something was off with these people. Roc's immensely serious attitude was fitting considering the place, and his job, for that matter, but there was definitely a hint inside his voice; something that implied he really was in trouble. After all, if Roc had been in his shoes however long ago, and managed to get out, why was he working here now? That didn't make any sense. Then the rich guy barges in with a smile that could shatter windows, and he's acting like everything's great, like I'm some sort of honored guest. Unfortunately, I wasn't dressed for the occasion.[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]"Roc, if you'd be so kind, show this gentlemen to my office," he gestured towards the end of the hallway. "Let's get you out of that cell."[/font][/size][/font][/size][/i]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif][color=#FF0000]Ahh, now I understand, after reading it through again. Please disregard my last comment.[/color][/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif][color=#FF0000]Alright, so now we are out of the [s]bank [/s]jail cell and are proceeded to enlighten this story up a little bit.[/color][/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif][color=#FF0000]Hopefully....[/color][/font][/size]

[i][size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif][size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]It felt like only seconds had passed before I was in the office, which was a complete turnaround from the odor-infused, wet stone hallways of the prison basement. The office walls were made of wood, or at least covered in it, a rich maple color, something you'd see at an outdoor lodge of sorts. The Warden took his seat at the desk, in a large leather chair that looked extremely comfortable to my continuously-aching body. Roc ushered me into a seat, and no, it wasn't anything like the Warden's; just a plain old plastic chair with little padding. Cheap bastards. [/font][/size][/font][/size][/i]

[color=#ff0000][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif][size=3]Sadly, that's how banks operate. They steal other people's money, to be blatant.[/size][/font][/color]

[color=#FF0000][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif][size=3]Oh, I forgot, there's one thing seperating this between being a piece in a bank and being a piece in a prison, and that is Lieutenant Roc. Seriously, he goes from crazy psychotic bastard to professional accompanist to fairly accomodating in the course of ten seconds. He must be an 18-year-old as well, like the main character of this story.[/size][/font][/color]

[i][size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif][size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]With a slight wave of the hand, the Warden ordered Roc out of the room, leaving just the two of us. I took a seat, examining the patterns in the rug underneath me; it was the most interesting thing to do, anyway. I couldn't stop wondering how long it would take for the law to intervene and get me out of here, but the longer I stayed put, the longer I began to wonder if Roc was bluffing, or if his words were legit. This place did seem different, much different than any of the prisons I'd heard about, and with my friend circle, I'd heard about plenty. Axel's brother had done hard time for almost fifteen years for robbery, but the let him out a few years early for good behavior. He said it sucked, which was to be expected, but this place was inexplicably worse.[/font][/size][/font][/size][/i]

[i][size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif][size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]“Mr. Rayan,” he spoke, addressing me by my last name, which was puzzling enough. Where'd he get that information from? [/font][/size][/font][/size][/i]

[font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif][size=3][color=#ff0000]He knows all and sees all. He's the Gary Sue of this story.[/color][/size][/font]

[i][size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif][size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif][i]What had happened last night that led to all of this? Why the hell couldn't I remember a damn thing?[/i] [/font][/size][/font][/size][/i]

[font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif][size=4][size=3][color=#ff0000]I'd like to interject here and say that I have already spent 45 minutes on this review, but we have not seen any such point in the story where a possible plot point might thread itself into a weave of excellent fantabulousness.[/color][/size][/size][/font]

[i][size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif][size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]“I'm sure you have plenty of questions, and I'd be glad to answer them in due time. But there is a reason we've called you here, to Stonehill Prison, specifically. It may be on your mind that your actions didn't warrant such an extreme measure, but I feel as though it will be in the best interest of all parties.” He smiled; a creepy, shiver-inducing smile that sent chills up my spine.[/font][/size][/font][/size][/i]

[font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif][color=#ff0000][size=3]Let me guess: He wants to Duel...[/size][/color][/font]

[i][size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif][size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]“Excuse me for not smiling rainbows,” I said, almost surprising him with lack of effort to hide my frustration, “but I'm not about to sit here and obey your every beck and call when I don't even know what the hell I'm in here for. I don't remember a damn thing that happened yesterday; I just woke up here. So I think you owe me an explanation, and a lawyer, while you're at it.”[/font][/size][/font][/size][/i]

[i][size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif][size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]“Oh, yes, a lawyer.” He placed his palms on the desk. “Unfortunately, Stonehill Prison doesn't quite abide by those rules, Mr. Rayan. We have our own way of doing things, and the government is more than content to allow us to continue doing so. Here, I determine your sentence, and depending on your willingness to cooperate with me, I can make it either very short and painless, or, we could arrange for something a bit longer.”[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]Maybe I was still drunk, and this was just a shitty dream of sorts, but it sure as hell felt real. The menacing smile on the Warden's face was just that. He pretended to be friendly, but he knew he was controlling all the outcomes, holding all the cards. I could make an effort to escape, but it would be worthless. If something had happened last night, wouldn't Axel have been locked up too? Where was everyone else?[/font][/size][/font][/size][/i]

[font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif][size=3][color=#ff0000]I'm usually the most silent when the plot is about to surface...because it's the part of the Fan-Fiction I most aspire to critique about.[/color][/size][/font]

[i][size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif][size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]“You see, Callen Rayan,” [/font][/size][/font][/size][/i]

[font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif][size=3][color=#ff0000]OH MY GODDESS A FULL NAME!!!!! FINALLY I CAN DIE HAPPY NOW!!!![/color][/size][/font]

[i][size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif][size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]he folded his hands, “you're an unfortunate soul. You've gotten yourself into the worst of situations, giving up all efforts of leaving a worthwhile and meaningful life, and you've fallen into the slumps just like so many before you have, and so many after you will continue to do. And don't take me for a fool; I know my words are meaningless to you now, but soon enough you will learn there are some lines you cannot cross, and you have crossed one.”[/font][/size][/font][/size][/i]

[font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif][size=3][color=#ff0000]Most of the Warden's words have been meaningless up to this point.[/color][/size][/font]

[i][size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif][size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]“How?!” I screamed, getting out of my seat and into his face. “How the f*** did I cross any lines when no one will tell me what the f*** I did?! This is bullshit, this whole place is bullshit!”[/font][/size][/font][/size][/i]

[font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif][size=3][color=#ff0000]To quote the amazing Frances Spatz Leighton:[/color][/size][/font]

[font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif][size=3][color=#FF0000][quote]Do you find that every character seems to be rapping out profanity in your novel? If so, it's not realistic. Not [i]everyone [/i]curses. If one character has to curse, let them. But don't throw in obscenities to sound modern or liberated. This is not a novel about [i]you. [/i]This is a novel about a bunch of other people.[/color][/size][/font]

[font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif][size=3][color=#FF0000]By way of contrast, I remember when an editor, after reading a client's work, called me to explain "I know this is a realistic story about a race riot in prison. But to use 'motherf***er' eleven times on one page is excessive.[/quote][/color][/size][/font]

[i][size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif][size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]“I understand your aggression,” he replied, masking his frustration with another smile. “However, that is confidential business at the moment. Like I said, I can get you out of here, all you have to do, is help me.”[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]This guy wasn't going to budge. And I was slowly starting to realize through all my thick-headedness, that I didn't have much of a choice. It was either listen to him or get locked up for however long they wanted me to. I didn't have friends or family who would come looking, so there was no way out. “What exactly is it you want me to do?”[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]“Ah,” he sat back, with a smile on his face, “finally, we're getting somewhere.”[/font][/size][/font][/size][/i]

[font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif][size=3][color=#ff0000]And the plot thickens...[/color][/size][/font]

[i][size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif][size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]“It's quite simple, really. I won't keep you locked up here, as long as you agree to participate in a Duel Monsters' Grand Tournament, taking place here in Stone Ridge itself.” He grabbed his coffee mug, brought it up to his lips, and took a small sip before placing it back down onto the desk. “It's a national event, and we've finally won the honor to hold it here this year. Duel Monsters has continued to grow in popularity with each passing year, and it was no easy feat to acquire the rights, but thanks to hard work we were able to pull it off.”[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]Duel Monsters? I'd never heard of it. He'd managed to at least grab my attention, what with the talk of a competition. This prison was already crazy as it was, but I wasn't the sports type. But why should I conform to their rules? Play their game? In reality, I'd actually look tougher, and feel better, if I just held on and served for however long they decided to keep me in here. They'd give up after a while – right? “I've never even heard of it. Not interested, thanks.”[/font][/size][/font][/size][/i]

[font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif][size=3][color=#ff0000]And with one sentence, you have contradicted the most important aspect of any Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan-Fiction, which is, needless to say, the Dueling.[/color][/size][/font]

[font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif][size=3][color=#FF0000]LE DUELING!![/color][/size][/font]

[i][size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif][size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]“I wouldn't be so sure,” he said calmly, folding his hands together. “You see, unfortunately, you don't have much of a say in the matter. We've already registered you for the competition, and it starts in three days. As long as you comply by our rules, you'll receive your freedom as promised.”[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif][i]At least they're working with me here. Not. Jackasses.[/i][/font][/size][/font][/size][/i]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif][color=#FF0000]I have mixed feeling about being called a Jackass. And don't use the excuse "it's just the story", because, no, you wrote it in first-person, and in that sense, we are all right there in your thoughts, and sub-conciously, you are calling everyone a jackass.[/color][/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif][color=#FF0000]Well, two can play at this war! I mean...game![/color][/font][/size]

[i][size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif][size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]“Ah, but that's where you're wrong. You see, this is a nationally televised event, and the more people watch, the more money we generate for the city,” he explained. “Think about it, an underdog, arrogant punk kid who has no idea what he's doing going out there to try and earn his freedom – that's huge ratings right there, which is exactly why we've chosen you.”[/font][/size][/font][/size][/i]

[font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif][size=3][color=#ff0000]Inb4DeusExMachina.[/color][/size][/font]

[i][size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif][size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]I guess it made sense in that perspective. Not that I was agreeing with him by any means, but at least I knew [i]why[/i] they were doing it. What I didn't know, still, was why the hell I was here in the first place? It was eating away at me. [i]What had happened?[/i] Still, I had no idea how to play the game. It sounded somewhat familiar, thinking about it. One of those lame-ass card games; definitely had become a national phenomenon, I got that much. I wasn't into that stupid s***, though. I'd rather be out partying, having a good time.[/font][/size][/font][/size][/i]

[font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif][size=3][color=#ff0000]Race-Riot quote.[/color][/size][/font]

[font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif][size=3][color=#FF0000]This is starting to remind me of my old "Yu-Gi-Oh! Underground Tyranny" days, where newcomers from all over the globe came to compete in a tournament held in similar fashion as this one. Bastard, you stole my idea.[/color][/size][/font]

[i][size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif][size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]“Even if I were to agree to your stupid terms,” I said, catching his attention, “I have no idea how to play. I'd lose the first round and that would be the end of it. What kind of money would that make you?”[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]“That's not my issue,” he looked at me, and the faux friendliness appeared to have gone away. “I'm in this business to make money, Callen, and you're going to help me do that. If you can't win the tournament, then you can prepare for a rather lengthy sentence. I think our conversation has gone on long enough. Now that you're an official entrant, you won't be locked up any longer, but you can't vacate the city limits by any means. You've been hooked up with a sensor that, should you pass a certain point, will cause you to meet a very unfortunate fate.”[/font][/size]
[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]What the hell did that mean?[/font][/size][/font][/size][/i]

[font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif][size=3][color=#ff0000]That last interjectory phrase was unnecessary. He pretty much means "YOU GONNA DIE BIOTCH!"[/color][/size][/font]

[font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif][size=3][color=#FF0000]I told you two could play at this game.[/color][/size][/font]

[i][size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif][size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]“And if you head upstairs, down the hall, you'll find a room that contains a machine, known as the [i]D-Terminal[/i]. You can log on using the data written on your hand.” I looked at my hand for a moment, confirming that there was in fact information written there, which I hadn't seen earlier. “There, you can practice building a Deck and learn the ways of Duel Monsters. I'd be careful, too. Make sure you don't make any mistakes when it comes time to perform, because your first duel will be in three days, and it will be against the reigning Grand Champion himself, who is of course partaking in this tournament to try and retain his title. Best of luck, Mr. Rayan. Roc, show him out.”[/font][/size][/font][/size][/i]

[font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif][size=3][color=#ff0000]"Make sure to have a pleasant st-" Oh wait, wrong character.[/color][/size][/font]

[i][size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif][size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]About two hours had gone by, and I'd spent the majority of it finding different ways to position myself on the cold, hard steel bench in the hallway upstairs. I'd found the room he was talking about, but I couldn't bring myself to head in. I didn't like the idea of being pushed around like this; it wasn't my style at all. I'd always been a leader, not a follower, and being used like some kind of political, money-making tool was anything but my intention.[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]I'd been weighing the options. It was either A.) accept the fact that I'd never get out of here and retain my pride or B.) learn how to play a stupid card game, win a national tournament, and have the potential to earn my way out, and even that wasn't a guarantee. I knew how those people work; they could promise you one thing and decide to change their minds at the last second. Something about this entire place had struck me as off from the get go, and it was beginning to make sense. [/font][/size][/font][/size][/i]

[font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif][size=3][color=#ff0000]Letters are acceptable in formal first-person writing now?[/color][/size][/font]

[i][size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif][size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]Stonehill Prison: I'd never heard of the place in my life, and I'd lived in Stone Ridge for all eighteen of these years. I wish I could remember a little more of what had happened, anything to give me some sort of a clue. Where was this place? He did say I was free to leave, but at the same time, I could only go so far because of some sensor. So many questions, and no one was going to give me answers.[/font][/size][/font][/size][/i]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif][color=#FF0000]Until the Deus Ex intervenes.[/color][/font][/size]

[i][size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif][size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]Was it worth it to learn? I'd never been a gamer, in any sense, but what could it hurt? I guess my rep, but at this point, people probably thought I was dead; I assume something like that must've been said to at least explain my absence. Or maybe not, huh? My parents had been gone for years; I lived on my own, staying with friends, so no one really cared. All I had to do was learn how to play a card game. You know, the potential of a cash prize, too, didn't sound so bad. Maybe this would benefit me after all.[/font][/size]

[size=3][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]I guess it was as good an idea as any at this point. I stood up and walked into the room.[/font][/size][/font][/size][/i]

[font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif][size=3][color=#ff0000]YEAH, THAT'S THE SHARPSHOOTER I KNOW! GET OUT THERE AND KNOCK THOSE GUYS DEAD![/color][/size][/font]

[font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif][size=3][color=#FF0000]**Credit Sequence**[/color][/size][/font]

[font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif][size=3][color=#FF0000]Awww....Well, I should have expected as much. Leave off at a certain cliff-hanger in the story and hope that he has the guts to actually go all the way down to the Duel Terminal and learn to play a Children's Card Game. And jeez, it's not "A Stupid Card Game", get it right...[/color][/size][/font]

[font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif][size=3][color=#FF0000][b]THE CRITIQUE[/b]: Obviously, prison settings aren't meant to be lovey-dovey, everyone gets along and everyone have a nice day. But the excessive swearing is unnecessary. And remember, some children could be "accidentally" reading this story, too. Besides that, it also takes away from the realism of the story and is placing us more in a Television show (no parallelism intended) where the FCC no longer has any control over the reigns of swearing. And even then, YCM's filter will still censor it, whether you want to or not, and you cannot bypass the filters in any way (bypASS).[/color][/size][/font]

[font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif][size=3][color=#FF0000]Besides that, however, the characters and scenery were well projected, and the description was not too overdone. But the thing about the shorts was unnecessary. I can see lots of potential coming from this new Fan-Fiction of yours, Sharpshooter, and have decided to follow the topic just in case you update a new Chapter whenever I am not around.[/color][/size][/font]

[font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif][size=3][color=#FF0000]If you have additional chapters that you need Beta-Reading, feel free to shoot me a PM, partner.[/color][/size][/font]

[font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif][size=3][color=#FF0000]Until next time, this is Devil's Advocate, signing off.[/color][/size][/font]