Yu-Gi-Oh DS (with Violence and semi-Strong Language)

[DS Duelist]

[center][b][u]Yu-Gi-Oh DS[/u][/b][/center]
[center][b][u]The Concept:[/u][/b][/center]

[center]This story does have duels in it and follows the rules of the actual card game with possibly some minor adjustment here or there. The main difference with this story is that the cards are not from any of the series Yu-Gi-Oh/GX/5D. The cards in this series are based off the game Diablo II: Lord Of Destruction and features a new storyline with new characters. However, there are still shadow duels and a shadow realm. I hope you guys enjoy it![/center]

[center]Disclaimer: I own neither anything from the Yu-Gi-Oh franchise nor anything from the Diablo franchise. However, the characters that appear in this story are of my own creation.[/center]

[center]****************************************[/center]

[center][b][u]YU-GI-OH DS[/u][/b][/center]

[center][b][u]Episode 1: And So It Begins… (Part 1)[/u][/b][/center]
[center][b][u](From Ethan’s point of view)[/u][/b][/center]


“I won! Come on, Ethan, I actually won for the first time!”

I felt like I was going to rip my little brother’s throat out! I know, I know, that was cruel to say, but he had been going on about his stupid win for the past hour. I got it already; he won a dumb-ass card game. Big deal.

For those of you who do not know what I’m talking about, my nine-year-old brother just had his first win in a duel. Duel Monsters is the game and it’s all about using cards made up of monsters, spells and traps in games called duels. Winners get respect, losers try harder next time.

I can’t stand the game. I think it’s dumb to base respect, money and other stuff on a card game. Sure, it’s fun for five-year-olds. But I work at a game shop and I’ve got people in their thirties coming in, buying cards to try and improve their decks so they can win tournaments. Win for what? To have everyone know you spend your free time wasting it on cards?

Anyway, all of this brings me back to my little brother who had been dueling for over five months now. The problem was that he kept losing and now, today, finally, the stars seemed to have aligned and let him win a game. There was just one problem: while he was absolutely ecstatic about his win, I was not.

“That’s good, I guess,” I replied, trying not to seem that unenthusiastic.

“You guess?” Aiden, my brother, whispered, a little disappointed. I guess he expected me to be happier for him. Guess I just wasn’t in the mood to fake it. Yes, I am going to stop using the word ‘guess’ from now on.

“You won a card game, Aiden. It’s cool, but not the highlight of my day.”

And it was at that point he looked crushed. His bright blue eye’s lost their spark and he slouched a bit.

“Don’t worry, Aiden,” Brandon jumped in. “I appreciate that you won.”

“I didn’t say I didn’t appreciate his win…” I began.

But Aiden interrupted me. “No, you just don’t think the win is a great thing.”

Well, he had me there. I was currently at work, standing behind the counter of the shop. No one besides me, Aiden and Brandon were standing inside, but if a customer walked in, I couldn’t have my little brother whining about my hurting his feelings. So I did the only thing that I could think of… bribery.

I leaned over the counter. “Tell you what. We just got new booster packs in the back. I was told by the delivery guys that these packs have some of the best cards in the game. How about you go in the back and pick out any three packs you want and I’ll buy them for you?”

His face lit up like a Christmas tree. “Really?”

“Yeah, think of it as a reward for your win.”

“Awesome!” he cheered as he bolted for the storeroom.

When he was out of sight, Brandon turned to me, giving me one of his suspicious looks. “Is he even allowed back there? Wouldn’t your boss be a little mad?”

“Do you see my boss around?” I asked with a grin. “Besides, it’s not like we’re stealing anything. I'm going to pay for it anyway.”

“True, true,” he said as a customers walked in, looking around.

I examined Brandon, who was leaning on the counter with his typical care-free demeanor. I had known Brandon since we were five and we’d been best friends since. He was average height for a fifteen-year-old with short brown hair and brown eyes. His facial expressions, no matter what they were, always seemed to have this mischievous quality to them, like he was always ready to prank someone. Most of the time, he was. But deep down, Brandon’s a cool, caring guy. Especially to my brother. My theory is that because he’s an only child and the fact he’s known my family so long, he’s formed a big brother bond with Aiden which I seemed to be missing. Am I jealous about that? Yeah, maybe a little. But hey, what you gonna do, right?

“You know, he just wants your approval,” Brandon stated, sharing his pearls of wisdom.

“I know what he wants,” I replied. “I just don’t know why.”

“Because you’re his brother. And he wants you to be proud that he’s actually good at something. And that he’s doing something good.”

I scoffed as I fiddled around with stuff on the front counter, neatening it up. “How is dueling good? Explain the upside to me?”

“Well, for one, it keeps the mind going all the time because it’s all about thinking on your feet.”

“I thought it was about strategy?”

“Yeah, strategy. That’s all fine and dandy, but when you don’t know what you’re up against, how can you possibly know if your strategy can win? But whatever the case, my point is, it keeps the mind fresh.”

“It also keeps the mind too busy to do other things.”

“It helps kids make friends.”

“It helps people make enemies. And some of the friends these kids make are like three times their age. It’s a little creepy.”

“Well, aren’t you the optimist of the day?”

“I'm a realist.”

“You’re a pain in the ass,” Brandon replied with a smirk. “Have you ever even played a duel?”

“Nope,” I replied. “And I never will.”

Brandon put his back-pack on the counter and pulled out his duel-glove – a piece of technology which you slide up your arm and it creates virtual images of your duel monsters when cards are played with them. I have to admit, as much as I dislike the game, the technology for it is quite incredible. When you want to become a serious duelist, you sign up in a game shop and you get your own duel-glove (with your own personal identification number so it can’t be stolen) which records information. This information is then sent to the DMD – Duel Monsters Database – which can be checked on any computer with internet capabilities. The type of information they're saving is fairly simple: number of wins, number of losses, number of tournaments in which one has participated and position in said tournaments. Then they give you your rank. It’s not a number; no, that would be too embarrassing for some people. The only people who have numbers on their profiles are the Top Ten duelists of the world. As for everyone else, they are separated into five categories via colours and coloured jackets. No, I am not joking. People walk around in official duel jackets to show off their status. There is green, which is the lowest level which is followed by blue (level 2), white (level 3), red (level 4) and finally gold (level 5 – the top duelists). How do you get to higher levels you ask? By winning of course, especially in tournaments. Brandon never wears his jacket, but I’m pretty sure he’s a level 3.

Speaking of Brandon, he was showing off his duel-glove to me. “You mean to tell me that you have never felt one of these babies?”

“Nope,” I answered. “Besides, to get my own, I have to sign up to the DMD. Not happening.”

“Yeah, yeah… one day.” He turned his head as a kid walked up to the counter and stood next to him.

“Hey, Matt,” I greeted one of our regular customers, who was sporting his green jacket. “What’s up?”

“Hey, Ethan,” he greeted back, looking a little nervous. “Can I get an application letter for the Blue Jackets Tournament?”

“Huh?” I stupidly said. But I quickly regained my thoughts. “But don’t you have to be a blue jacket to enter the Blue Jacket’s Tournament?”

“Not necessarily,” Brandon answered. “This tournament always has128 participants. 120 of them are blue jackets – the best 120 of them. The next eight are special slots for up-and-comers in green who believe that they can surpass the level twos. Hundreds of green jackets apply for this competition every year, but only the top 8, the best of the green jackets, are chosen.”

“Yeah,” Matt agreed. “I'm hoping I'm one of those green jackets. I really need to get into this tournament.” I wanted to ask why, but he turned to walk out before I could. “Thanks Ethan. Gotta run.”

Just as Matt left, Aiden materialized out of nowhere. “Okay, got my three packs. Thanks Ethan.”

“Don’t mention it,” I smiled slightly, happy to see Aiden happy again. “Find anything good?”

“Don’t know, haven’t checked yet,” Aiden replied, looking at Brandon. “I'm going to see all my new cards before I decide what to add to my deck.”

I gave Brandon a look. “All his new cards?”

“Yeah,” he answered innocently, examining my face. “You forgot didn’t you?”

“Forgot what?”

“I told you that today I was going to take you and Aiden to that new game shop I went to that’s dedicated to Duel Monsters so we could see what they got.”

The blood must have drained from my face. “You were serious about that?”

“Of course! And no, you’re not getting out of it.”

I just groaned.

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After what seemed like a walk that lasted for an eternity (it was probably fifteen minutes), Brandon informed us that we were close to the game shop. I had never been to this part of town and it looked safe enough, but if we’re being honest, I felt as though I was being watched. I felt cold, worried that something bad was going to go down. I grabbed Aiden and pulled him a little closer to me. He gave me a strange look – a mix of concern and ‘what are you doing’. I may not have much in common with the little guy, but he is my brother. I’ve got to make sure he’s safe, right?

“Something wrong, Ethan?” Aiden asked.

“No,” I lied. “We’re good.”

“Yes we are…” Brandon said slowly, almost eerily. And he sounded a little different. “Come on, we’re almost there.”

And just like that, he broke into a run, bolting around the corner as though we were the plague and he was trying to get away from us. Aiden and I looked at each other and I read his mind, but I was too slow to stop him from bolting too, following out of sheer curiosity. I followed too.

The game shop immediately came into view as we turned the corner – well, I assumed it was the shop, because we just caught Brandon slipping into it. It was small, lodged between two buildings that looked abandoned. To be honest, the game shop looked abandoned too. It had no name anywhere and it looked dark inside. Aiden had stopped in his tracks and turned to me, as if asking permission to move forward. I walked passed him.

“Stay close, please,” I said. “Mom will kill me if I don’t come home with you.”

We opened the door and crept in, looking around. It didn’t look like any game shop I’d ever been in. The windows must have been tinted to the max, because it looked as though no sunlight was getting in here. The lights were dim, there were hardly any shelves to hold anything and… there was not one person.

“Brandon?” I called out as we walked forward through the shop. No response. “Okay, dude, this really isn’t funny right now. Whatever this prank is, it’s over now. We’re leaving.”

I turned to leave, coming face-to-face with Brandon. “That would be a very bad idea.”

“Brandon…” He was different. His voice had changed and there was this dark thing about him that I just couldn’t point out. The look in his eye was something evil and his grin was a wicked one. This wasn’t Brandon. “What’s going on?”

“You need to go further into the shop.”

“Why? There’s nothing here. Nothing important is in here.”

“No?” His grinned widened. “Then let’s change that.”

The punch came from nowhere and – my luck – I slammed, head-first, straight into one of the few shelves in this dump. I hit the floor and it took a few seconds to realise I was still conscious. I heard Aiden shouting.

“Let me go, Brandon! Ethan, help! Let me go!”

But Brandon wouldn’t listen. “Come on, Aiden. What’s the matter? I’m not going to hurt you. Well, that’s not entirely true.”

I moved as soon as I heard that. I saw Brandon dragging Aiden into the back room as I got to my feet. I ran for them and burst through the door a few seconds later. And entered a room that didn’t look like the storeroom of a game shop. There were shelves against the wall, with books and scrolls stacked neatly on them. There were pictures all over the walls, paintings of dueling cards, just more vicious, more real. What seemed like a dozen artifacts were spread across the room – from golden swords to long staffs carved with strange symbols to statues of more duel monsters – all were human and all seemed ready for action. The next thing I noticed was Brandon heading out the door with Aiden, no doubt into an ally.

“Do not follow us,” he screamed. “Not until you have looked on the table.”

I moved for the door, but I stopped. This was Brandon. He wasn’t going to hurt Aiden, was he? I turned around and walked over to the desk. There were notes there with strange symbols on them, symbols I recognized. There was also a scroll. I don’t know why, but something told me that is what I needed to see. I opened the scroll and gasped. It was another painting – some sort of water paint I think. The painting seemed to be of seven people, their faces to be exact, each with a symbol. I recognized three of them but from where I wasn’t sure. Two of the other faces were scratched out, and I didn’t know the one girl, though I felt an immediately sadness about her anonymity. The final person I saw shocked me the most. He had messy blonde hair, clear green eyes and a determined look on his face that I had never seen before. Even when I looked in the mirror and really prepared myself for something. I had never looked as serious as I did in this picture. But there it was, on paper. The last person was me.
The symbol next to my face was red. It was a circle and within it, a fire burning. Under it was writing that I had never seen before, but understood instantly.

“The ritual master?” I whispered.

I looked on the desk again when my eye caught a red glint. It came off a red amulet. The chain was golden. The actual amulet was a gem that was exactly the same as the symbol by my painted face – same colour too. What the hell was going on? I picked up the amulet and felt a surge of energy. I felt strong, ready to take on the world. But I never put the amulet on. Instead I picked up the scroll and walked outside to find Brandon and Aiden. And a girl… tied up at Brandon’s feet.

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The girl looked at me with a calm expression, almost as if she were relieved I was there. She had long black hair with streaks of violet in them. Her eyes looked like gems, but not any colour eyes I’d ever seen. They were bright purple, sparking in this dingy alley. She had rope around her hands and feet, duct tape covering her mouth and a duel glove lying next to her. Brandon – his duel glove on, deck at the ready – was still holding Aiden close and had a wicked grin spread across his face. He had also slipped. Aiden, on the other hand, looked like he wanted to cry.

“Let him go, Brandon!” I commanded.

“With pleasure,” he said as he tossed Aiden to the side. “I didn’t want him anyway. Just needed to get you out here.”

I growled. “What is going on?”

Brandon grabbed the girl, pulling her closer. “Ethan, I’d like you to meet a close friend. The girl who brought me here, the one who started all of this. You’re here because of her, by the way. But don’t worry; you won’t be staying for long.” He ripped off the tape on the woman’s face and she couldn’t help but scream in pain.

“You a******!” she shouted.

Brandon grabbed her by her face, forcing her to look at him. “Now, now, Selena, sweetheart, is that anyway to talk in front of guests.”

She gave him a head-butt that would have been hysterical if this all wasn’t so weird. “How’s that, sweetheart?”

Brandon looked like he wanted to kill. “Have your fun now girl, because when I’m done here, all three of you will be sharing a living hell in the Shadow Realm.”

Aiden gasped.

Selena shot him a look. “Not if I send you back first, Nihlathak!”

Aiden gasped again.

“What the hell is going on?” I eventually shouted.

Brandon looked up, chuckling a bit. “Forgive us, Ethan. For a moment I forgot you were even standing there. Come, let’s get this show on the road shall we.”

He kicked the duel glove on the ground towards me, it stopping at my feet. The glove already had a deck in it. “What do you expect me to do with this?”

“I expect you to eat it,” he sneered. “What do you think I expect you to do with it? I want you to duel me!”

“You know I don’t duel, Brandon.”

“That’s not Brandon,” Selena spoke, looking at me now.

“What?”

“That’s Brandon’s body,” she explained. “And somewhere inside it is Brandon. But right now, you’re talking to the spirit of a long dead traitor who came into the world via the…”

“Shadow Realm…” Aiden finished slowly.

“Yes!” Brandon, or not-Brandon, agreed cheerfully. “Seems the little one knows more than you do, Gate Keeper.”

I went silent, staring at all three of them. Shadow Realms, possessions – and what the hell was a Gate Keeper? My head was spinning. It felt like I was going mad. I didn’t know what to do, where to go from here. So I just spoke the one thing that was on my mind.

“Are all of you out of your damn minds?” I screamed loud enough for the city to hear.

“Do you see, Selena?” Brandon taunted. “This is your chosen one? This is your Ritual King? A boy who can’t even stand the means in which he can win. It’s quite insulting that you think he would have been a challenge for me. But no matter. Now that I have the upper hand, we can play a Shadow Game.”

Aiden looked like he was about to freak. “Shadow Games aren’t real!”

“Shut up, boy! Shadow Games are as real as the ground beneath our feet?”

“Anyone want to fill me in?” I asked, just going along with things.

“Selena?”

Selena looked at me, determination in her eyes. “To make a long story short: you’re what is known as a Gate Keeper, one of seven. Specifically, you are The Ritual King. Or so it seems. But you still need to be tested. I summoned Nihlathak, an evil spirit from the Shadow Realm, to duel you so you could prove your worth. But he managed to break my control spells, freeing himself from my grasp and getting the upper hand on me. And then he went searching for you, possessing your best friend. The only way to banish him and get your friend back is duel him in a Shadow Game. But if you lose, he gets your soul.”

“Not just his soul. I get your amulet too.”

I just stared. At Aiden, then at Brandon/Nihlathak, then at Selena. All of were staring back at me, such serious expressions plastered onto their faces.

“You’ve all lost your minds…”

“So you don’t believe us?” Brandon/Nihlathak asked.

“Of course not! Have you heard yourselves?”

“In that case, pick up the duel glove.”

“I don’t duel. I don’t even know how to do it properly.”

“But you don’t believe a word we’ve said. So you have nothing to lose.”

“You won’t lose!” Selena shouted. “Listen, you are a Gate Keeper, chosen by fate. That deck in your duel glove was made for you and response to you alone. You don’t need to learn how to play this game. Once you draw your first card, you’ll know immediately what you’re doing.”

Brandon/Nihlathak laughed. “You really are delusional, aren’t you? Tell you what, Ethan. Despite what this girl said, you don’t look like you’re going to duel me.”

“Because I’m not.”

“Okay, then. I’ll make you an offer. Duel me, or else…”

“Or else what?”

“Or else I kill your little brother.” My blood ran cold. “In all fairness, he won’t actually be dead. But his soul will suffer for all eternity.” A dark fog began to descend upon the alley. “It will be ripped from his body which will then become an emotionless doll.” The fog became thicker, surrounding us, but it never blocked my view towards anyone. “As for the soul, it will wander the Shadow Realm, experience unimaginable torture. And when he is crushed, when it is finally over, when is soul seems ready to diminish completely… the shadows will heal him and start all over. He will suffer for all eternity.” The fog seemed to chill the area, seemed to creep into my mind, fill my head with voices. I saw Aiden struggling to keep his cool.

“Aiden, come here,” I ordered.

He began running, but Brandon/Nihlathak had other plans. “Not so fast!”

The fog shot out and encircled my brother, like they were trying to consume him. I tried to move, but I was paralyzed. Aiden started crying now, trying to pull away from the fog, from the shadows, trying to break free.

“Leave him alone!” I shouted in absolute panic. “What are you doing with him?”

“Claiming his soul,” Brandon/Nihlathak stated happily.

“Stop it, you coward! Whatever you are doing to him, do it to me!”

“I can’t! Your amulet prevents me from using the Shadows against you. So now, I’ll claim your brother’s soul and there is nothing you can do about it.”

“No! Here, take the amulet! I don’t want it!”

“I can’t Ethan. It is bonded to you. I can only take it by winning a Shadow Game. And seeing as you don’t care about your safety enough to duel, maybe you’ll care about your brother’s. Right now, he has no protection from the Shadows. However, if you agree to duel me, his soul will be safe and I’ll be gone. Provided you win. But if you lose, I will get your amulet and his soul will be mine forever. What do you say?”

“You spineless bas…” Selena started, but Aiden’s shouting interrupted her.

“Ethan, help me!”

“Look at that, Ethan,” Brandon/Nihlathak taunted. “He’s in pain. He’s scared. Are you really going to abandon your little brother?”
I went silent for a minute. I was so horrified. I probably would have ran then and there… if my anger didn’t outweigh my fear by truckloads. I looked up, grinding my teeth so hard just so that I wouldn’t scream. I picked up the duel glove and put it on my arm.

“Let’s do this.”

Brandon/Nihlathak smirked as his glove activated. “Excellent. You see how easy this is going.”

“Be careful, Ethan,” Selena warned. “And don’t panic. You’ll know what to do.”

I activated my duel glove and just like that, the duel began. We each drew five cards.

I drew. “I’m right in saying that the person challenged always goes first?”

“Yes,” Aiden answered. The darkness was still around him, but it seemed to have calmed now that the duel was on the way. “Remember, you can summon monsters in defence and attack mode, but only set them in defence. Also, spells can be activated as you put them down, but traps need to be triggered and can’t be activated the turn you put them on the field. Also…”

“I’m sorry,” Brandon/Nihlathak interrupted. “But which one of you am I actually dueling?”

“Me,” I responded, taking a card and placing it face-down in defence mode. “I set one monster and end my turn. Your move.”

He huffed as he drew. “Amateur. I summon Vile Temptress in attack mode.”

To say the creature that appeared was ugly would be an understatement. It was woman and its face looked like a cross between a vampire, an old lady and a botched up plastic surgery job. The creature had feathery wings that stretched out and her hands had sharp talons. She had golden armour covering her torso and shoulders and gold metal leggings which went from her thighs right down to her feet. Her stats? ATK1600/DEF1400.

“Now I’ll use my Temptress to attack your face-down monster,” he continued. The creature screeched as she made for my face-down, striking it. My card flipped up, revealing Akara – an old sorceress covered in a purple robe. ATK500/DEF2000. My defence was higher, so his attack backfired, making him lose 400LP (life points). He was now at 3600LP.

“Guess you’re not as good as you think you are,” I mocked.

He just smiled as he set two cards face down on the trap/spell field. “Mock all you want. You’ll lose regardless. I end my turn with two face-downs.”

I drew as Selena spoke. “You’re doing well, Ethan. Just keep concentration.”

“Right,” I said, examining my cards. “I summon my Paladin in attack mode.” A knight covered in armour (except a helmet) appeared on the field, brandishing a sword and shield. ATK1800/DEF2000. “I’ll use it to wipe out your Temptress.”

“Wait!” Aiden shouted, but it was too late. “He has two face-downs.”

“Smart kid,” Brandon/Nihlathak said as he activated a trap. “I activate Andariel’s Rage, raising the attack of all Succubus monsters on the field by 700 points. And take a guess what my Vile Temptress is.”

My Paladin swung and the Temptress (now ATK2300) dodged. She then came in for the kill, ripping my Paladin into shreds, taking me down to 3500LP. Aiden screamed in pain.

“What’s happening to him?” I panicked again, the Shadows surrounding my brother more.

“I’m sorry,” Brandon/Nihlathak chuckled. “Didn’t I mention his soul is not just on the line, but it is connected to your life points as well? Basically, his soul is connected to spiritual hooks. And the more life points you lose, the more the hooks pull until his soul is ripped from his body. It is quite a painful experience. I should know. That’s how I ended up in the Shadow Realm.”

“You’re twisted,” Selena spat. “He’s a child.”

“Like I care. Are you done yet, Ethan?”

I placed a card face-down. “Your move.”

He drew. “I activate Demon Claws, equipping my Vile Temptress with them, raising her attack to 2600. And I’ll use her to wipe out your Akara.” Which he did with a little too much enjoyment.

“Good for you,” I said, trying to remember certain duels I’d seen. “But if I’m not mistaken, Akara has an effect to bring any level four or lower monster from my hand to the field in defence mode. I summon my Sorceress.” A young, beautiful girl appeared with a wooden staff that had a purple orb attached to it. ATK1000/DEF700.

“Oh well,” Brandon/Nihlathak shrugged. “I end my turn with one face-down.”

I drew, looking at a card filled with glowing weapons. “I activate Special Equipment. It lets me draw two new cards…”

“Three…” Aiden corrected. “New Equipment lets you draw two, Special Equipment lets you draw three.”

Brandon/Nihlathak chuckled. “Oh, this is great. An opponent who doesn’t even know his own cards.”

“Shut up.” I drew three cards. “I might be a beginner, but I sell this crap and watch it day in and day out. I know most cards and their effects. And I’ll prove it with this. I activate the magic card, Into The Void, which destroys all magic and trap cards on your side of the field.”

“Nice try, but I activate a trap card: No Mana. This allows me to destroy any spell card on the field that was just activated.”

I smirked, activating a trap I placed down last turn. “I activate Cursed Earn. This card allows me to take any trap or magic card on the field and imprison it in this earn. And I choose your No Mana card.” A holographic image of the card appeared above the earn, being sucked inside of it. Plus his Andariel’s Rage and face-down were destroyed. “Now I tribute my Sorceress to summon Iron Golem.”

The Iron Golem was a bulky creature made of metal. Spikes came out his body at random points on his body. He looked like a melted mixer of different weapons. Shapes of swords and axes, maces and chains were seen all over it. Its right arm was a broad sword, sharp, ready to strike. And with his stats, he can pack a punch. ATK2100/DEF2500.

“Now that your Temptress is back down to 1600 attack, my Golem can take her out!”

My Golem moved surprisingly fast for its bulky size and impaled the Temptress, destroying her and taking Brandon/Nihlathak’s life points down to 3100. I saw him flinch.

“So it hurts you too, huh?” I stated. “Your move.”

He scowled as he drew, but then smiled as he looked at the card. “I summon myself to the field.”

“I’m sorry, what?”

He placed a card down and summoned a pale man with white combed back. He worn tattered black and white robes and floated a little off the ground. His eyes were dark and his face was emotionless. ATK2100/DEF1400

“Meet Nihlathak,” Brandon/Nihlathak boasted.

Selena looked surprised. “That’s a level five monster. You had to tribute another monster to summon him.”

“Well, I’ve never actually played by the rules,” Brandon/Nihlathak stated. “So, Nihlathak, the card that is, doesn’t need a tribute to be summoned. But I’m not done. I activate Call Of The Wolf, allowing me to summon a Druid straight from my deck to the field.” A tall, muscular man with a wolf-like face and covered in the pelt of some kind of muscular creature appeared on the field holding a club like some kind of caveman. I think he was even drooling and growling – honestly, sophistication was not this guy’s friend.

Brandon/Nihlathak grinned. “Now… how about some fun. I will use myself, Nihlathak, to attack your Iron Golem.”

I was confused. “But their attack points are the same!”

“Exactly,” he said and we watched as both our monsters were destroyed. “Now, I hope you like this, because it’s going to be a scream. Especially for Aiden. Isn’t that right, kid?”

“No!” I realised what would happen now that I was open for a direct attack. I’d take the hit, but Aiden would get the pain.

“Too late! Druid, attack him directly!”

“No!” Selena and I screamed as the Druid took away 1800LP, bring me down to 1700LP. But that wasn’t my concern… Aiden was…

His screams of agony and pure torture shattered my heart. I watched him as he cried and shouted for help while his soul was being ripped out of his body. Tears poured down his face, his face that went absolutely pale. His energy seemed to be drained out of him but the screaming only seemed to get louder. Such a big hit must have meant more pain. And I could do nothing to stop it. Whether this was real or not, if I moved from my spot, the duel glove would deactivate and I’d lose by default, losing my little brother forever.

I screaming finally subsided. Aiden’s head fell. It looked like his whole body wanted to hit the ground, but it seemed the Shadows were keeping him up. He was still crying, sobbing under his breath. He didn’t look up, didn’t speak. Just sobbed.

“Enough of this!” Selena pleaded. “He’s just a kid.”

“You say that like I’m meant to care,” Brandon/Nihlathak. “It’s your move, Ethan. Make it count.”

“You were in the Shadow Realm right?” I asked, drawing my card.

“Yes. For years.”

“What was it like?”

“What was it like? What was it like! It was a complete nightmare. It was hell. Torturous hell that would break you over and over. Mentally, emotionally, physically. It would destroy you entirely. And it would be personal. For example, I was paralyzed on the floor under icicles. Icicles that would fall ever few minutes, impaling me. It would start at the feet and work its way up. The pain was unbearable. But the soul never sleeps so unconsciousness was never an option. I felt every inch of me get ripped open. Every inch. And when the final one fell, when my head was impaled, I felt that too. And then I would drift, drift into darkness… only to be awakened, fully healed, experiencing the same hell again! That is what it was like!”

“Good…” I said with clear hate in my voice.

“Good?” he asked, wiping away tears that had formed during his explanation. “Why is that good?”

“Because I wanted to be sure that when I send you back to the Shadow Realm, you’d be punished properly for what you’ve done to my little brother.” I picked a card. “Let’s go. I activate Resurrection, bringing my Iron Golem back from the graveyard and I use him to destroy your druid.”

Brandon’s life points hit 2800. “No matter. I activate Brotherhood. When a monster dies and this card is activated, I bring all copies of that card from my deck and summon them to the field.”

I watched as two new Druids were summoned, but they didn’t faze me one bit. “I place two cards face-down and end my turn.”

“Don’t look so serious Ethan. This is a game; games should be fun.” He smirked while he drew his next card. “Well, well, what luck. I activate Special Equipment. You remember this card, right Ethan? With it I can summon can draw two, no wait, three new cards.”

“Just get on with it.”

“Someone’s in a bad mood.” He drew three cards. “Oh, I’m sorry, Ethan. But I think it’s time you say goodbye to little Aiden over there. Because you’re about to lose. I summon another Vile Temptress in attack mode. I then activate Necromancer’s Gift, allowing me to use any magic or trap card in my graveyard. And I choose Andariel’s Rage, raising my Temptress’ attack points to 2300. And there you have it. My Temptress kills your Golem and my Druids finish the job. Congrats, Ethan, you dueled well. It just wasn’t well enough to save your brother. Say goodbye to Aiden and goodbye to your amulet. Because at the end of this turn, they will be mine!”

[center]********************************[/center]

[center][b]Thanx a bunch for ready the start of my new story. Drop a comment, let me know what you guys think. Thanx again.[/b][/center]

[Dr. Cakey]

[quote name='DS Duelist' timestamp='1321904857' post='5657283']
[center][b][u]Yu-Gi-Oh DS[/u][/b][/center]
[center][b][u]The Concept:[/u][/b][/center]

[center]This story does have duels in it and follows the rules of the actual card game with possibly some minor adjustment here or there. The main difference with this story is that the cards are not from any of the series Yu-Gi-Oh/GX/5D. The cards in this series are based off the game Diablo II: Lord Of Destruction and features a new storyline with new characters. However, there are still shadow duels [s]and a shadow realm[/s]. I hope you guys enjoy it![/center]

[center][s]Disclaimer: I own neither anything from the Yu-Gi-Oh franchise nor anything from the Diablo franchise. However, the characters that appear in this story are of my own creation.[/s][/center]

[center][s][b][u]The Story:[/u][/b][/s][/center]
[center][s]Ethan Storm is surrounded by Duel Monsters. The game shop he works at has them, his little brother collects them and tournaments of them are shown all over the media. Children and adults alike walk around with duel gloves on their arms so that they can duel in style, summoning the grand creatures to the field so that all may see. Yes, Ethan Storm is surrounded by Duel Monsters. The problem is that he completely hates them.[/s][/center]

[center][s]Finding the game to be a complete waste of time and money, Ethan is extremely reluctant when his best friend drags him to a game shop on the edge of town said to be built solely for duelling cards. And this is where Ethan’s journey truly begins.[/s][/center]

[center][s]Once at the store, Ethan discovers he’s been lured into a trap by his best friend, Brandon, but all is not what it seems. There are claims that Ethan has a greater destiny. Positive that an ancient evil is about to return, a young girl, Selena, is gathering up the seven Gate Keepers who are meant to keep the ancient evil sealed up forever. Given a deck specifically made for him, Ethan is forced into a tournament where he must find the other four Gate Keepers who are already taking part in the tournament.[/s][/center]

[center][s]But the trouble doesn’t stop there. Selena is positive that this tournament is a smokescreen for something else, something sinister. Joined by another four Gate Keepers, Ethan is thrown into a world of lies and deceit, a tournament of magic and mayhem, a war between good and evil. And it appears only he and his new friends can stop it. But to do this, Ethan will have to master the one thing he hates the most. He will have to master the art of duelling.[/s][/center]

[center]****************************************[/center]

[center][b][u]YU-GI-OH DS[/u][/b][/center]

[center][b][u]Episode 1: [s]And So It Begins… [/s](Part 1)[/u][/b][/center]
[center][s][b][u](From Ethan’s point of view)[/u][/b][/s][/center]

[center]*The story*[/center]

[/quote]
There, that should about double the quality of the story. I was amazed by the quality, by the way. Here's more detail on my [s]edits[/s] strikethroughs:

1. [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Shadow_Realm"]There is no such thing as the Shadow Realm.[/url]
2. It's a good thing you told us you didn't come up with Yu-Gi-Oh!. Otherwise I'd have gone and reported you to Konami and then you would have had so few pants on after they were done suing them off you.
3. Telling us the story before you tell us the story kind of defeats the purpose of there [i]being[/i] a story to begin with. Oh, there's this synopsis. That reduces the words I have to read by like a thousand percent.
4. And So It Begins is so far into the realm of cliche there was a terrible story called Yu-Gi-Oh! And So It Begins [i]in this very forum[/i]. Okay, so it wasn't the name of a chapter, but it's like calling it Chapter 1: The First Part.
5. (From Dr. Cakey's point of view) Thank you for telling us that the protagonist of the story is the story's protagonist. Otherwise I would have assumed there was some other character named 'I', and then I would have been confused, because you already had a teenager guy who didn't like card games and was destined for destiny, so why'd you have two of the same character? But you told me it was from the point of view of Ethan McCoolName so I knew there wasn't another character named 'I'.

EDIT: Why are you making cards based on a video game I haven't played. Don't you know video games I haven't played are all bad? That's why I haven't played them. Do you just like Diablo? I guess, but why don't we have like regular cards, too? And why don't any of the monsters have effects? NithlAFSJfo von Doom was like a bad Cyber Dragon or something, but other than that it was just them playing a bunch of broken spells and traps. Oh, that's not true. There were also some really bad spells and traps.

[DS Duelist]

Okay, Dr Cakey-chan, first off, thank you very much about liking the quality of my story. Now to your concerns.

1) Thanx for clearing up the Shadow Realm thing (i watched the english version). But in this story, there is a Shadow Realm.
2) This point seems a little moot. Aren't we all meant to put a disclaimer if its a fanfic?
3) This I totally agree with you. It's just a force of habit to type a background thing with every story. I removed that and I'm gonna see what happens from there.
4) I also agree with you here, but i honestly couldn't think of an appropriate chapter title.
5) Every book or internet story i've every read has told me who the main character is. You should know who the main character is; its just the way things are done. So again, like point 2, this concern is pointless.

And finally, i feel i should make this point very very clear. I will not change the Diablo 2 concept in this story. If you haven't played the game, it means you've been living under a rock. Go out and buy it if you don't know it. I like working on cards and the Diablo thing is going to be part of the story, not just the cards. So thank you for the advice, but if you can't get past the "bad spells and traps" (highly insulting btw, but thanx) or everything else there, don't read it.

Thanx again though.

[Catterjune]

[quote name='DS Duelist' timestamp='1322045315' post='5660914']
2) This point seems a little moot. Aren't we all meant to put a disclaimer if its a fanfic?
[/quote]
No. This isn't fanfiction(dot)net or whatever. We know you most likely didn't invent Yu-Gi-Oh. It's largely irrelevant, but it's not like... against the rules or whatever.

[quote name='DS Duelist' timestamp='1322045315' post='5660914']
5) Every book or internet story i've every read has told me who the main character is. You should know who the main character is; its just the way things are done. So again, like point 2, this concern is pointless.
[/quote]
Every book or story I've read had an interesting way of saying who was speaking. The person meanders a bit with "I" before a second character mentions their name. The narrator explicitly names them. The narrator is the character and speaks directly to the audience. The main character is in the title of the series. That sort of stuff. You just flat out state "THIS IS FROM ETHAN'S POV!" which... again, isn't against any rules, but just looks kind of bad.

Just skimming over the story, it looks like you don't even need it. His name is in the second sentence of the story. If someone reading it honestly couldn't figure out the POV was from Ethan... *shrug*

[quote name='DS Duelist' timestamp='1322045315' post='5660914']
And finally, i feel i should make this point very very clear. I will not change the Diablo 2 concept in this story. If you haven't played the game, it means you've been living under a rock. Go out and buy it if you don't know it. I like working on cards and the Diablo thing is going to be part of the story, not just the cards. So thank you for the advice, but if you can't get past the "bad spells and traps" (highly insulting btw, but thanx) or everything else there, don't read it.

Thanx again though.
[/quote]
He's (mostly) joking. Basically, it's not a great idea to create an entirely new subclass of cards for every single character in your story. The primary reason is that it causes you to start and stop the action in the story if you have to frequently explain what is going on for the story to make sense. I mean, it works for the anime because it's all just one big commercial anyway, but for written works that gets annoying after a while.

On an unrelated note, you're marketing to a bit of a niche here. People who like Yu-Gi-Oh, people who like Yu-Gi-Oh fanfics, and people who like Diablo. Again, he's not saying your story sucked, but he's saying that your laser driven focus is going to end up screwing you out of many possible fans for what could potentially be a very good fic.

And no, no one finds that "IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT YOU CAN JUST LEAVE!" ultimatum in anyway threatening. It just makes you look like a small child who can't handle criticism well.


I haven't actually read the story, so I don't actually know if Dr. Nitpickey-Chan is actually correct in anything, just so you know.

[DS Duelist]

PikaPerson01, a disclaimer of anything that is not yours should be a rule. I know everyone on this site knows i didn't create yugioh or diablo but if a story doesn't have a disclaimer all it takes is one person to turn around and say your plagarising work. Besides, it has nothing to do with the story, so i still find it to be a pointless... well... point. It's a little note that someone can breeze over.

I state it's from Ethan's point of view because as the story progresses it swaps points of views with other characters. That is why i let people know who's speaking. Other stories have done it. I'd rather state the obvious now then having readers being completely lost 5 chapters down the line because 'Ethan' is suddenly acting like a girl and sporting a dress and handbag.

Regardless of whether i create a new class, recreate the entire game or go back to the orginal, the stopping for explanations will always be there. I would still have to explain what Des Kangaroo looks like or what the magic card Fissure does. No writer can assume that their readers know exactly what they are talking about because what they are thinking and what the reader is reading are two different things. You have to explain your ideas other wise its not a story its a personal diary of some random kid who duels.

I do take criticism well (yes, i understand the irony of saying this three paragraphs after my essay of defending myself). I've had people tell me a lot of criticism. I've had someone tell me out-right a story of mine sucked. I went back and changed that for the better. However, I take criticism when it has to do with the story. The style, the tone, the grammer, the characters, the story. Wouldn't you agree those are important points in the story?

Im not saying he didn't like the story. He said it was good quality which im very happy about and i thank him. But come on, when someone tells me that the game i based a story on sucks (and not even because it sucks, but because he hasn't played it), what do you want me to do? I wasn't threatening anyone with "if you don't like it don't read it" i was just stating the option. I even agreed with two of his points about the actual story. I write because it lets me be creative. I added two stories together because writing on just Yu-Gi-Oh is what five thousand other people are doing. Its fun to be creative, even when it doesn't go for the mainstream because someone out there is going to appreciate it. Besides, you don't have to know all that much about Diablo to read this fanfic. I'm open for critism. I am. But when its about the story. You can understand that, right?

Anyway, thanx for the advice. And it would be cool if you read the story so I can have your opinion on it.

[Dr. Cakey]

[quote name='DS Duelist' timestamp='1322045315' post='5660914']
Okay, Dr Cakey-chan, first off, thank you very much about liking the quality of my story. Now to your concerns.

1) Thanx for clearing up the Shadow Realm thing (i watched the english version). But in this story, there is a Shadow Realm.
[b]Fair enough. It does seem like a much more interesting Shadow Realm, so that's a plus.[/b]

2) This point seems a little moot. Aren't we all meant to put a disclaimer if its a fanfic?
[b]You aren't the [i]first[/i] person I've seen do it, but if I actually remembered the other times, I'd probably be able to count them on one hand.[/b]

3) This I totally agree with you. It's just a force of habit to type a background thing with every story. I removed that and I'm gonna see what happens from there.
4) I also agree with you here, but i honestly couldn't think of an appropriate chapter title.
[b]Gate Keeper. NaJF[PFJ the Dark One of Darkness. Um...give it a terrible Japanese-style name, like: A Game of Darkness! Three Lives on the Line. Name each chapter after the most coolestest card played in it. Do [i]something[/i].[/b]

5) Every book or internet story i've every read has told me who the main character is. You should know who the main character is; its just the way things are done. So again, like point 2, this concern is pointless.


And finally, i feel i should make this point very very clear. I will not change the Diablo 2 concept in this story. If you haven't played the game, it means you've been living under a rock. Go out and buy it if you don't know it. I like working on cards and the Diablo thing is going to be part of the story, not just the cards. So thank you for the advice, but if you can't get past the "bad spells and traps" (highly insulting btw, but thanx) or everything else there, don't read it.
[media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NREY6t2ub-c[/media]
[b]Waitwaitwait, you actually that when I said Diablo sucks because I haven't played it, I was serious?[/b]

[b]On the subject of terrible cards, there weren't really any, now that I double-checked. But the broken cards were more broken than I remembered. Special Equipment, Brotherhood, [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Into_the_Void"]Into the Void[/url]...[/b]

Thanx again though.
[/quote]
[quote name='DS Duelist' timestamp='1322061214' post='5661080']
PikaPerson01, a disclaimer of anything that is not yours should be a rule. I know everyone on this site knows i didn't create yugioh or diablo but if a story doesn't have a disclaimer all it takes is one person to turn around and say your plagarising work.
[b]All it takes is that one person to do...what? Do I have to repeat the Homestar Runner joke of you having a small number of pants on because they were sued off of you again?[/b]

Besides, it has nothing to do with the story, so i still find it to be a pointless... well... point. It's a little note that someone can breeze over.
[b]Well, no, it doesn't have to do with the story, but it's part of the packaging.[/b]

I state it's from Ethan's point of view because as the story progresses it swaps points of views with other characters. That is why i let people know who's speaking. Other stories have done it. I'd rather state the obvious now then having readers being completely lost 5 chapters down the line because 'Ethan' is suddenly acting like a girl and sporting a dress and handbag.
[b]There are basically three ways to solve this problem: 1) Make the chapter's name the narrator's name (i.e. Chapter 1: Ethan) because that, you know, doesn't look stupid. 2) Write in third-person. 3) Make it obvious. For example, if the main character is suddenly acting like a girl and sporting a dress and handbag, then everybody this side of the mental retardation line knows it's probably not Ethan.[/b]

Regardless of whether i create a new class, recreate the entire game or go back to the orginal, the stopping for explanations will always be there. I would still have to explain what Des Kangaroo looks like or what the magic card Fissure does. No writer can assume that their readers know exactly what they are talking about because what they are thinking and what the reader is reading are two different things. You have to explain your ideas other wise its not a story its a personal diary of some random kid who duels.
[b]No, you're correct. Other options include putting the card's text in spoilers, or linking to the card (which only works for real cards unless you put the effort into creating your custom cards in the card maker).[/b]

I do take criticism well (yes, i understand the irony of saying this three paragraphs after my essay of defending myself). I've had people tell me a lot of criticism. I've had someone tell me out-right a story of mine sucked. I went back and changed that for the better. However, I take criticism when it has to do with the story. The style, the tone, the grammer, the characters, the story. Wouldn't you agree those are important points in the story?

Im not saying he didn't like the story. He said it was good quality which im very happy about and i thank him. But come on, when someone tells me that the game i based a story on sucks (and not even because it sucks, but because he hasn't played it), what do you want me to do? I wasn't threatening anyone with "if you don't like it don't read it" i was just stating the option. I even agreed with two of his points about the actual story. I write because it lets me be creative. I added two stories together because writing on just Yu-Gi-Oh is what five thousand other people are doing. Its fun to be creative, even when it doesn't go for the mainstream because someone out there is going to appreciate it. Besides, you don't have to know all that much about Diablo to read this fanfic. I'm open for critism. I am. But when its about the story. You can understand that, right?

Anyway, thanx for the advice. And it would be cool if you read the story so I can have your opinion on it.
[/quote]

[bury the year]

Disclaimers are not required on here. Unless you blatantly state that "OH I OWN YUGIOH" in your first chapter (in which case you're a stupid liar and we'll get rid of it anyways), we assume you don't own the rights to a million-dollar trading card game. Nobody's sued us yet, and at this rate I don't think they will.

[CrabHelmet]

[quote name='DS Duelist' timestamp='1322061214' post='5661080']
PikaPerson01, a disclaimer of anything that is not yours should be a rule.
[/quote]
(Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh.) Okay, then. (Disclaimer: I do not own GX, 5D's, or Zexal either.) It doesn't sound like a very efficient system, though. (Disclaimer: I do not own Digimon.) We all know actual creators of works don't use this site. (Disclaimer: I own Pokemon. I own lots of Pokemon. Blue, Gold, Ruby... I own lots of the games.) And disclaimers don't actually have any legal standing. (Disclaimer: I didn't write Heart of Darkness.) If fanfiction were plagiarism, then sticking a disclaimer at the front wouldn't change that. (Disclaimer: I am J.K.Rowling and I do indeed own Harry Potter. Wheeeeee! See? Nobody cares.)

[evilfusion]

Fanfiction, by its very nature, is not written by the author. Posting a disclaimer is completely redundant and does not actually hold any legal weight if you inexplicably got sued, although I'm pretty sure that unless you're in some way leeching off the original work's financial success for your income, suing you would be an absolute waste of a company's time.

Now, I actually did read through about 3/4 of the story, and I must say you're at the very least competent. However, I must have missed the part in your author note that said all your CARDS weren't going to be official, because when I realized it, I was not pleased.

Don't get me wrong, custom cards are cool and all in some cases, but I did not enjoy the duel because it had zero basis on the game I'm familiar with and almost everything seemed woefully uncreative (Monsters named "Sorceress" or "Temptress" and different Types entirely). You literally used the anime name for the game and the same rules, but threw out everything else. I guess in your defense, you did warn me, and I just misread the warning.

The biggest issue is it throws out reader familiarity. I expected to read a Yu-Gi-Oh story and got a story PRETENDING to be a Yu-Gi-Oh story by using the same name of the game, similar concepts of technology and ranking, and even making the protagonist a guy who is familiar with the game, but doesn't play. It was written surprisingly well and all, but then when actual cards came into the story, it left a bitter taste because suddenly nothing is familiar.

My interest also faded when "Shadow Realm" got thrown around. A lot. I did watch the DM dub, so I'm no stranger to the concept, but there was something about the way you used and emphasized the term and reactions to it that made the whole thing feel clumsy and laughable.

That could just be me, though. Your writing has potential. I just really, really hate the whole "throw out everything pre-existing about the game and remodel all card designs to a completely different series".