The Silent Words

[Kōsuke Ueki]

To the men: Have you ever been in a situation where the first girl you know would be the love of your life, and she disappears, not wondering what she wants to feel?

If not, then good for you. If so, then you should read onward.

NOTE: This is a book I'm making, so expect some rewrites as I continue to hear from you guys and what you want to see. Enjoy!

[spoiler=Prologue: How I Feel Right Now...]
[center][font=times new roman, times, serif][i]"I am so sorry, Bruce. I just feel so confused about what we're doing. I might need some time to think about what I'm going to do. Until I do, I don't think I should be around you until I can understand what I'm feeling right now."[/i][/font][/center]

[font=times new roman, times, serif]Those same words keep ringing in my head, and it won't stop. These words have brought me to the state of depression times five. Usually when one is in this condition, you have lost interest in everything other than eating and sleeping. But I was able to struggle out of the gutter to write down what I'm feeling. I've been meaning to speak my mind. I knew that I needed help, and wanted to do something, but I wasn't able to do a thing. Now I can finally speak my mind about why I went into depression after hearing those words.

About a year ago, my best friend in the entire world had started to become my first girlfriend, my soul mate, but she had never experienced a relationship before; neither of us have. What I see is that she had so many feelings about us being the best of friends, that the new emotions she was feeling conflicted with what she had been used to feeling after she reached puberty. She didn't know what she wanted to feel more because she didn't know what would be better. I can't blame her. I wasn't as confused as her, but I understood how she was feeling.

Then, she said those very words. I never thought I would hear her say that for any reason. I never thought she was this confused about her emotions. But regardless, I became devastated when she said those words. And I never saw her again. Everyday, I wait for some means of her to show up, whether it be a phone call or an E-Mail, meaning to talk to me after she makes up her mind. And the basis of what I want her to say (Even though it might not be exactly what I think it is.) should be, "I've made up mind. And I have chosen what fate has brought us together for."

If she says the opposite, I am prepared to jump off a bridge. Life isn't worth it if the girl who I believe is the one that God has sent me will not accept what I intend to do. There is nothing bigger in my life than being with her. I now understand how I feel: I love her, and I always will for the rest of my life, if I don't end it right away. I just wish she felt the same way. I know she does, but because she can't balance these feelings with 12 years of being best friends, everything's off. I just hope she makes the right choice. I pray to God that she will understand what's happening, leave her comfort zone, and reach the sweet spot that God has created for her in which she can embrace what true love really feels like.

Now, with my depression, I barely talk to my friends. They all try to cheer me up, but it always ends on an extremely low note. In other words, they can't help me through this. This is my battle, but it won't end until I know the other side will surrender, meaning that the girl I love will understand that she truly loves me back, and I can be snapped out of this feeling of wanting to do nothing other than eat, sleep, and plan for what I am going to do to end my life and be sure that it goes the way that I want it to go.

Luckily enough, I haven't reached that breaking point. And I don't intend to. I'd probably be hesitant about doing it anyway. If I jumped off a bridge, there would be a chance I would survive, because I'm not going to try and drown myself if the fall doesn't kill me. I try it once, I fail, I never look back on what I did, and try to move on until she realizes how she feels. I won't be stupid enough to attempt the same thing to expect another outcome. I may be autistic, but I'm smart enough to go with the "One and Done" deal, regardless of what happens.

Anyway, I think it's time I get started. First off, the name's Bruce Words (Blame my father for this one, since he has the smallest amount of a white person in his family other than the last name; no racist pun intended). Second, anything that I might say while explaining what happened might be a bit much, so be warned with what you are about to read. And thirdly, if the girl I love ever made her own version of this, I would be sure as can be that she would have a different portayal of what happened, so if you do see something like that, let me know ASAP.

I think I have stretched this on long enough. So let's go back about 8 months to where all of what happened had begun to transition into it eventually happening. If you're guessing, 8 months ago was the day I started my Senior Year in High School. I'm Class of 2013. Graduation is just around the corner for me right now. If I can pull myself together, I can be sure to have a perfect non-failing record of school. What I mean is that I will have never failed one school year in my life, and I'm almost at the finish line to reach that very objective.

Somewhat pointless explanations aside, when I started the school year, all of my friends were excited to see me again. I was happy to see them, too. It's been a long hard summer. But anyway, let me just take you back to when I return to my high school for one more school year. And trust me, things were extremely weird for me on the Transition Days and the week after. You wouldn't really understand. You're not in my shoes, so you wouldn't know for any reason.[/font]

[font=times new roman, times, serif]Now allow me to whoo you with my story about Love At First Sight and The Big Heartbreak...[/font][/spoiler]
[spoiler=Part 1: Before It All Sinked In...][spoiler=Chapter 1][/spoiler][spoiler=Chapter 2 ==COMING SOON!==][/spoiler][/spoiler]

[Kōsuke Ueki]

[center][b][size=7]ANNOUNCEMENT[/size][/b][/center]
[size=7][size=4]Chapter 1 will be delayed for about 2 weeks. The amount of time originally for me to post it was 3 weeks, so I might not be able to have time to finish. I still am enjoying the time working on this. I just am having some issues on story ideas. Anyone, please PM me for any ways to do Chapter 1. The original Chapter 1 is still on my home computer, and I'll share it with anyone who wishes to help me. I may have forgotten to say this, but rewriting this story is harder for me to do than writing something for the first time. So please, I need some help with this. PM me if anyone can.[/size][/size]

[size=7][size=4]P.S. The line spacing is screwing with me, so it might look funny.[/size][/size]

[Not-so-Radiant Arin]

[size=7][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif]~~Going with Something Different: [color=#ff0000]Devil's Advocate's (or the writer formerly known as) "Heartfelt" Review~~[/color][/font][/size]

[size=7][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif][color=#FF0000][size=4][b]THIS TIME, A SPECIAL REQUEST VERSION![/b][/size][/color][/font][/size]

[size=7][font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif][color=#FF0000][size=4][font=tahoma,geneva,sans-serif][font=arial,helvetica,sans-serif]Right, just as the name suggests, this story was requested personally to me by another fellow Fan-Fiction writer, The Swift Assaulter, who also has a wide variety of nicknames that you might associate him by. [/font][/font][/size][/color][/font][/size]

[color=#ff0000]Shortly after reviewing another story on the Fan-Fiction forum and giving it a bit more......"liveliness", I was PMed by "The Swift Assaulter" asking me to review his story. Now normally, I would wait until the next day to write and critique my responses to the Fan-Fiction in my "Heartfelt" Review, but I feel so spry today that I might as well go on ahead and make the most of it. After reading through the details of his story, I was ecstatic. He explained that it was a "Drama" story, and Drama just so happens to be one of my favorite Genres. After all, one of my greatest role models, William Shakespeare, was the great producer of some of the world's greatest dramatic plays and stories. Then, I came here, only to realize that no one has commented on this story. For SHAME! [/color]

[color=#FF0000]Ahem, anyways, let us dive into this story called "The Silent Words". Naturally, I would mistake this as some sort of fantasy story if I had been reading this without my colleague first PMing me the details of his story. But trust me, I've seen (and heard) worse.[/color]

[color=#FF0000]Let's get down to business.[/color]

[i]To the men: Have you ever been in a situation where the first girl you know would be the love of your life, and she disappears, not wondering what she wants to feel?[/i]

[color=#ff0000]I wouldn't, because my girlfriend remains dutiful and would never, ever dare think of leaving me. Although we have reached that status, she always confesses her feelings towards me (whether I want to hear it or not) and explains that she wouldn't be able to live without me (which I find hard to believe). Anyways, sorry for my interjection. [/color]

[i]That's how the main character feels after a tragic event.[/i]

[color=#ff0000]So you basically summarized the plot.[/color]

[color=#FF0000]...[/color]

[color=#FF0000]I feel this must be done.[/color]

[color=#ff0000][size=8][font=tahoma,geneva,sans-serif]E[/font][/size][/color][color=#ff8c00][size=8]X[/size][/color][size=8][color=#FFFF00]P[/color][color=#00ff00]O[/color][color=#00ffff]S[/color][color=#0000ff]I[/color][color=#800080]T[/color][color=#0000ff]I[/color][color=#00ff00]O[/color][color=#ff8c00]N[/color][/size] [color=#ff0000][size=8]RAINBOW!!!!!!!![/size][/color]

[font=arial,helvetica,sans-serif][i]"I am so sorry, Bruce. I just feel so confused about what we're doing. I might need some time to think about what I'm going to do. Until I do, I don't think I should be around you until I can understand what I'm feeling right now."[/i][/font]

[font=arial,helvetica,sans-serif][color=#ff0000]And now we delve into the story with a flashback sequence. Cue the Ping-Pong game.[/color][/font]

[i]Those same words keep ringing in my head, and it won't stop.[/i]

[color=#ff0000]Oh-ho-Ho! Our writer has taken a different approach to the writing perspective and has decided to write in FIRST-PERSON! I applaud your tenacity, for First-Person Perspective is one of the hardest forms to write in. Much more writers would feel more comfortable using the Third-Person Omniscient Narrator Perspective because they are not limited to just what the character is seeing, hearing, or doing. But let me also tell you that First-Person looks simple, but it isn't. More about that will come later, but for now, let us get back to the movie...ahem, I mean story.[/color]

[i]These words have brought me to the state of depression times 5.[/i]

[color=#ff0000]Would it help to spell out numbers?[/color]

[i]But I was able to struggle out of the gutter to write down what I'm feeling. I've been meaning to speak my mind. I knew that I needed help, and wanted to do something, but I wasn't able to do a thing. Now I can finally speak my mind about why I went into depression after hearing those words.[/i]

[color=#ff0000]Depression is never an easy thing to tackle. But instead of not doing anything, you could always ask your parents for help. That's what they are there for. I couldn't believe that you would exclude that piece of advice.[/color]

[i]About a year ago, my best friend in the entire world had started to become my first girlfriend, my soul mate, but she had never experienced a relationship before; neither of us have. What I see is that she had so many feelings about us being the best of friends, that the new emotions she was feeling conflicted with what she had been used to feeling after she reached puberty. [/i]

[color=#ff0000]What? These kids are twelve? I sense a "Romeo and Juliet" knock-off.[/color]

[i]She didn't know what she wanted to feel more because she didn't know what would be better. I can't blame her. I wasn't as confused as her, but I understood how she was feeling.[/i]

[color=#ff0000]You know women like to play mind-games, right?[/color]

[color=#FF0000]Oh, there I go generalizing again...[/color]

[i]Then, she said those very words. I never thought I would hear her say that for any reason. I never thought she was this confused about her emotions. But regardless, I became devastated when she said those words. And I never saw her again. Everyday, I wait for some means of her to show up, whether it be a phone call or an E-Mail, meaning to talk to me after she makes up her mind. And the basis of what I want her to say (Even though it might not be exactly what I think it is.) should be, "I've made up mind. And I have chosen what fate has brought us together for."[/i]

[color=#ff0000]Look, you're in school (I assume), you're preparing for college (I assume), you're spending time with friends (I assume), and you're always busy (I assume). Of course she would be confused about her emotions, since there are so many running through her at that very moment. Also, parenthetical statements are unnecessary (oh, the irony).[/color]

[i]If she says the opposite, I am prepared to jump off a bridge. Life isn't worth it if the girl who I believe is the one that God has sent me[/i]

[color=#ff0000]HOLD IT! Nothing is set in stone. You can't honestly expect to believe that (I apologize in advance if I have insulted or slandered your religious beliefs) God has a board and can control everything in the universe?[/color]

[i]will not accept what I intend to do. There is nothing bigger in my life than being with her.[/i]

[color=#ff0000]This is more teetering towards obsession. Let's compare this with Romeo and Juliet, shall we? We have two teenage lovers, and a boyfriend/girlfriend situation. I've always believed that Romeo and Juliet was a case of obsession simply because Romeo had a chance meeting with Juliet, and would be afraid of losing her, much the same way as in this story. But it gives off a different vibe here than it does with R&J. It wouldn't be like Romeo to give up on his girlfriend now, would it?[/color]

[i]I now understand how I feel: I love her, and I always will for the rest of my life, if I don't end it right away. I just wish she felt the same way. I know she does, but because she can't balance these feelings with 12 years of being best friends, everything's off. I just hope she makes the right choice. I pray to God that she will understand what's happening, leave her comfort zone, and reach the sweet spot that God has created for her in which she can embrace what true love really feels like.[/i]

[color=#ff0000]I will admit that you have an excellent writing structure, using First-Person. I am still amazed by this.[/color]

[i]Now, with my depression, I barely talk to my friends. They all try to cheer me up, but it always ends on an extremely low note. In other words, they can't help me through this. [/i]

[color=#ff0000]That's what friends are for. They are there to help you through the thick and the thin. Friends are typically regarded in stories as simply bland characters who are 2-D and have no weight; this is the one chance to really come through on that and actually give them a little bit of meaning to the situation.[/color]

[i]This is my battle, but it won't end until I know the other side will surrender, meaning that the girl I love will understand that she truly loves me back, and I can be snapped out of this feeling of wanting to do nothing other than eat, sleep, and plan for what I am going to do to end my life and be sure that it goes the way that I want it to go.[/i]

[color=#ff0000]Run-Ons.[/color]

[i]Luckily enough, I haven't reached that breaking point. And I don't intend to. I'd probably be hesitant about doing it anyway. If I jumped off a bridge, there would be a chance I would survive, because I'm not going to try and drown myself if the fall doesn't kill me. I try it once, I fail, I never look back on what I did, and try to move on until she realizes how she feels. I won't be stupid enough to attempt the same thing to expect another outcome. I may be autistic, but I'm smart enough to go with the "One and Done" deal, regardless of what happens.[/i]

[color=#ff0000]This is getting heavy. I always feel that the person inside you always typically comes out when you are writing or critiquing a story (obviously I'm very angry because I'm writing in red ), and I honestly do feel that connection right there.[/color]

[i]Anyway, I think it's time I get started. First off, the name's Bruce Words (Blame my father for this one, since he has the smallest amount of a white person in his family other than the last name; no racist pun intended).[/i]

[color=#ff0000]Didn't think there was one.[/color]

[i]Second, anything that I might say while explaining what happened might be a bit much, so be warned with what you are about to read. And thirdly, if the girl I love ever made her own version of this, I would be sure as can be that she would have a different portayal of what happened, so if you do see something like that, let me know ASAP.[/i]

[color=#ff0000]This is kind of like breaking from your writing zone to text a friend something like "Hey, want to go out to dinner or something?"[/color]

[color=#FF0000]You know what I do if something like that happens when I am writing? I shut off my phone. I disconnect my Internet. I disconnect my TV. I sit in absolute silence trying to think of the next thing I'm going to write. Our writer should probably follow this strategy, since Bruce technically IS the writer of this story.[/color]

[i]I think I have stretched this on long enough. So let's go back about 8 months to where all of what happened had begun to transition into it eventually happening. If you're guessing, 8 months ago was the day I started my Senior Year in High School. I'm Class of 2013. Graduation is just around the corner for me right now. If I can pull myself together, I can be sure to have a perfect non-failing record of school. What I mean is that I will have never failed one school year in my life, and I'm almost at the finish line to reach that very objective.[/i]

[i]Somewhat pointless explanations aside, [/i]

[color=#ff0000]Nothing is pointless when you are writing. Since he is writing in a diary of some sort (I assume) or a blog journal, he would want to explain everything that happened in his life leading up to that point.[/color]

[i]when I started the school year, all of my friends were excited to see me again. I was happy to see them, too. It's been a long hard summer. [/i]

[color=#ff0000]Exposition Rainbow![/color]

[color=#FF0000]I only did the small version since it is the end of the prologue.[/color]

[i]But anyway, let me just take you back to when I return to my high school for one more school year. And trust me, things were extremely weird for me on the Transition Days and the week after. You wouldn't really understand. You're not in my shoes, so you wouldn't know for any reason.[/i]

[color=#ff0000]So it is your responsibility for us to understand. As a writer, that is step one of your journey. Steps 2-155, we'll work on later.[/color]

[i]Now allow me to whoo you with my story about Love At First Sight and The Big Heartbreak...[/i]

[color=#ff0000]To whoo....or not to whoo....that is the question. Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to not be interested and wreak that misfortune or to be not be fulfilled and write even further....[/color]

[color=#FF0000]Ahh, there I go with my allusions again. And that brings us to the end of this story. If this is truly a blog or a journal entry of some sorts, and that Bruce, the character etched into reality, has become so real that he can relate to it, then I can understand the deep connection to the heavy words and attitude of the story. If not, it is still a very decent piece of work that deserves some credit. Might I advise encouraging people to read this story? It's good to talk about these kinds of things with the people that are closest to you (not that I am trying to turn this into an advice counsel or anything like that). You have a reader within me, and I am disappointed that I could not read any further than I already did today.[/color]

[color=#FF0000]If you have additional chapters that need proofreading, feel free to PM me. Until next time, I am signing off.[/color]

[Kōsuke Ueki]

BUMP