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Dein the Pure blood. (A Vampire Knight Fanfic)

Techi☺

By Techi☺
in Creative Writing

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Techi☺ Newbie

Techi☺

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A Dark-haunted/Light-mooded Romance Story revolving around Dein. A strong willed and witty Vampire boy who is the son of the two most revered vampires. His Quest to find his parent's killers and find closure for the death of his brother. What sort of secret is waiting beyond those hidden red eyes?

[Spoiler=Intro and Chapter 1]

Intro:

It was raining. The ground was covered in slush as it rained. The sky was dark and the clouds meshed together. A young boy was running on the side walk, he turned through a large gate that lead to a large dark building. As the boy was running through the building, his brown hair waved around violently. There was blood all over the place and a good trail of it lead up a large flight of stairs. The boy grew tears in his eyes as he shook his head and started to walk up the stairs. In his head, he kept asking himself were his parents were, how would his brother let this happen. He reached the end of the stairs and followed the path of blood. He tried to insure himself by thinking that his parents and his brother were to strong to die like this, that they had power unlike anything he's ever seen before and that nothing could do what he feared. He slowly opened a large black door at the end of a long white hallway. There was a big brown desk and nothing else in this large room other than three bodies laying around that appeared to be dragged to this room. The body of the boy's father sat in the desk's chair as his body appeared to be disintegrating into blue dust. A woman on top of the desk in a soft white dress that was stained in her own blood was also disintegrating, this was the boys mother. The last body was on the other end of the room. The boy quickly realised this was his bother. The boy ran to him and kneel beside his brother and noticed the large whole in his brothers chest. The boys brother was still alive but he didn't have the strength to talk. The boy cried as his eyes turned red with pity and sorrow. The boy turned his view out the large window at the side of the room as he watched the rain fall hard and he felt a small twinge of Regret and hate.

Chapter 1:

The sun was beginning to set on a nice beach view. The water was so deeply blue and the sand appeared so animated that it could have been a very beautiful painting. Nearby there was a large cliff that cut off and fell straight down to the beach. On the top of this grass covered cliff, there was a teen aged girl and boy that was taller than her but seemed to look around her age. They were both sitting near each other with their school stuff close behind them. The girl had long blond hair that was very princess like and a very cute small face with a button nose and very clear grey skin. The Girls eyes were blue, but the boys eyes were a soft green. The boy had longish brown hair that waved violently as the wind picked up, he was also very handsome.

"Dein, I know its none of my business... But before you moved here, where did you come from?" The Girl asked as she turned here head to the boy, whose name was Dein.

"Karen... you know I've been here for two years now. I don't see why its so important to you now and more so than a year ago." Dein didn't look in Karen's direction, he didn't need to. He could just sense that the girls cute face
was matched by a cute little frustrated frown since he evaded the question.

"C'mon Dein! I just wanna know." Karen replied, she was still looking at Dein's face while hers started to blush.

"I'm sorry, but I left my past behind when I came here. So please, don't make me think about it." Dein's eyes rested on a small black cloud out in the distance. His eyes narrowed and displayed a deep resentment for even starting to remember that night.

"Whatever Dein, I'll just remember this the next time you need me to help you with school activities." Karen pouted and folded her arms as she swung her head in the opposite direction. Dein turned his view from the cloud to Karen and gave a small grin.

"You are looking more and more like a princess every day..." Dein didn't say this out loud, but thought it about the very attractive young woman sitting next to him. He chuckled out loud and stood, turning to pick up his stuff and begin to walk away. The end of the cliff shoots ouf from a large lush forest and it makes a lot of rustling noises as the wind blows through often.

Dein was used to walking through the forest, it was starting to get dark and he had nothing to be afraid of. He kept walking, he'd shortly be to a small path way that actually lead to an abandoned cabin that Dein made his home. With the help of the towns folk and some influences from his Past, Dein got the old trashed Cabin turned into a decent home with a shower and electricity. Dein sighed as he kept walking through the forest. The strong shade in this forest with but the tiniest cracks of light from the sun-sight peeking though, any body who didn't travel regularly through here would easily mistaken it for night or not to long before it.

Dein stopped walking suddenly. He noticed a shady figure that he recognised. The figure stepped out of the shadows with a grin, it appeared to be a man. This man seemed to be pleased at how easily Dein caught him this time. The man had long silver hair and a red light to his eyes. He was about a foot taller than Dein and Dein was almost the tallest boy in his class. This man was clean shave and he had pale white skin that seemed to match with his devilishly handsome good looks. He lifted his face to Dein and began to speak in a deep voice that seemed to have spoken through experience. This experience had been accumulated over this man's very long lasting life. "Lord Dein, it's only been 20 years... are you sure you can really be at peace with the death of your father, Lord Rain and your mother, lady Marralyn?"

Dein shook his head and he looked to the ground so his eyes were covered by his hair. "The only death I'm still grieving is my brothers... None of the others ever tried to over me their condolences over his death. His lost seemed to mean nothing to anyone but myself. This is why I'm not moving on... I'll find his killer and destroy everything it held dear. You understand? Joseph?" Dein looked up, his eyes seemed to have changed to a deeper and darker red.

Joseph nodded. While being much older than Dein and having more experience, Joseph still had to respect Dein because Dein was a pure-blood, something so rare and so strongly respected in any circumstance. "Yes, I understand fully. But please don't over exert yourself. I'm still grieving the lose as well, and I'm still regretting that I wasn't there to fight along their side against their assailant, whatever it was." Joseph tried to admit how much he regretted his decision to take his vacation. How foolish he was to leave his masters side for even a week. Dein just nodded. "If you need me, I'll always be near-by." And with his Closing statement, Joseph disappeared and Dein continued his lonely walk with his back-pack hanging over one shoulder and his white dress shirt partly unbuttoned.
[/spoiler]

[spoiler=Chapter 2]
Chapter 2: The Rain blanketted the the roof of Dein's house while he sat in his bath water. He normally took a shower, but he felt weak and thought that a hot tub of water rather than warm spraying water would be much more easier for him to relax in. Dein had two bathrooms. This one had a sink, white tile flooring and walls with a White studded roof and a small light in the middle of the roof. This room also had a shower in the corner and the Bath tub in the adjacent corner opposite of the door. The Other bathroom had only a sink, butter-milk colored tile flooring and a white studded roof, however, instead of a Shower and a bath tub, it only has a toilet.
Dein stood and got out of the bath water. He was only dripping and nude in the tub for a second before he grabbed his towel and stepped out, wrapping it around himself. He continued to walk for the door and opened it slowly, turning the light off and standing in the door-way as he listened to the water drain. Just the sound of it seemed to carry his worries and self-loathing away. Dein had just began to walk out to his living room as he heard a knock at the door.
Turning and walking to the door with an expressionless face, Dein was at a soft state of confusion. Knocks didn't usually come to that door. Visitors often know Dein enough to just step inside, knowing that Dein keeps the door unlocked. Dein just lets his head shake slightly to display his own emotion like he'd always do. As the door opened, 4 new people he doesn't recognise stood at his door and they were in front of Joseph. Three of these new people were boys and one was a girl. One of the three boys had shifty red hair and a wild grin across his face, he was built like a body builder. Another of the boys was around Dein's hieght with soft blond hair and light blue eyes, he appeared friendly with a small smile. The last of the boys was nearest to the door, he had long-ish brown hair but it was lighter than Dein's, and this boy was shorter than him while displaying no emotions on his face. The girl was in the back with long blond hair and her skin was whiter than snow.
Dein did his best to try to remember these differences as he knew they'd soon present their names. The Built-looking red-head with his goofy grin had walked closer to Dein and offered his hand as he spoke. "Hello, Dein. I would be more than greatful if you accepted me into your home. I am Spike Yoru, son of sir Kyle and miss Trisha." Dein nodded as he shook Spike's hand and gestured him in. Spike walked past him. The energetic grin that Spike would seem to wear with ease, had widdened as if being allowed inside Dein's home would some how lighten the already bright mood this man was in. Dein wasn't sure of it till now, but each of these new people were aristocat or higher leveled Vampires.
The boy with Blonde hair and light blue eyes stepped in front of Dein as the last one did. Without deception, the boy's soft smile came with an almost perfect bright skin. "Lord Dein, It would be a honor for you to allow me into your home. My name is Alexander, I am the Son of the Late Sir Kenpai of the Senate." Dein nodded and patted Alexanders shoulder as the boy stepped inside.
The Next of the new group was the woman with long blonde hair. She stepped infront of Dein and he could tell that she started to blush a little before speaking. "Lord Dein, Its alright if you don't remember me. We used to play at the park back in our home town so long ago. I am Rose Akamai, Daughter of Head Senate, Maki Akamai and Lady Rosane. May I join your house-hold as well?" Dein followed the pattern of nodding, he didn't need to signal for Rose too step in. It'd appear that she couldn't help herself.
The last of the new four was the light brown haired boy. He moved his very thin body to Dein and started to speak, even the beggining was very awkward. "I-I'm sorry, Lord Dein. It's hard for me to speak when I'm around someone new... I beg you to overlook this small flaw... I am deeply sorry to carry this burdan and ask to live with you without being as polite as the others. My name is Daimon." Dein nodded, this time with a small noticable grin and patted Daimon's back as they both stepped into the house. Dein geastured for Joseph to follow inside, but Joseph bowed and took his leave. Dein rolled his eyes quickly before joining his four new guests in his living room. Spike, Alexander and Daimon sat on the couch and Rose sat in the comfortable chair.
Dein walked in front of the Television that was off and had his eyes scan the four. Spike shot right up and stood straight as if given a command. "Does Lord Dein need a seat? If so, please allow me to offer the place I have sat in."
"That is okay. Please, just be comfortable while I figure where each of your will be sleeping." Dein's voice was so very calm at the moment and he spoke with absolute politness. Spike immeadiately returned to his seat. They all looked up at him with respect. Dein didn't feel like he deserved it, but he's grown with it. "I won't ask why you all wish to move in with me. However, while you are here there are very few rules I will enforce. These are the obvious, don't bother making me go over them. Rose, and Alexander, you will be taking the guest beds. Spike, you will be sleeping on this couch and Daimon, you will be taking the guest couch in Alexander's new room. There is plenty of bed fittings for you all in the large closet to my left. Is this easily understandable?"
"Yes, Lord Dein!" They all respondend at the same time. Dein hoped he'd grow fond of them, or they'd start to become like real people to him instead of pawns in a game of Kiss-up to the Pure blood. Dein would groan too himself softly. With all these mouths too feed and bodies to clean, the rather large stash of money Dein had left-over from his parents would probably dry up that much faster.

[/spoiler]

Did you like this? Let me know.
If you didn't enjoy the story so far, please tell me why. I can always use comments that supply information about your opinion.

The next chapter will either be available sometime soon. (A few days, next week, or now, if popular opinion so desires.)

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Techi☺ Newbie

Techi☺

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[quote name='Kuroashi Gouki' timestamp='1319322452' post='5594369']
I was a big fan of Vampire Knight, so this does interested me 8D
Awesome intro BTW
[/quote]
You think so? =3

Thanks XD

(I'm a few chapters Ahead right now... Deciding if I should just release them all and leave my Viewer base with a small dead-period while I type up the next one... or release them in 1-2 chapters every 3 days or so... depending if the people really want to read whats next...)

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Blace Newbie

Blace

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[quote name='Techi☺' timestamp='1319322699' post='5594375']

You think so? =3

Thanks XD

(I'm a few chapters Ahead right now... Deciding if I should just release them all and leave my Viewer base with a small dead-period while I type up the next one... or release them in 1-2 chapters every 3 days or so... depending if the people really want to read whats next...)
[/quote]

Do the latter, so the suspension can be very high for people 8D

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Techi☺ Newbie

Techi☺

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[quote name='Kuroashi Gouki' timestamp='1319322835' post='5594380']
Do the latter, so the suspension can be very high for people 8D
[/quote]
Alright :3

Saturday night for me now...

Expect Chapter 2 (after I run through it for spelling errors and what not) On monday morning...

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Blace Newbie

Blace

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[quote name='Techi☺' timestamp='1319323312' post='5594412']

In my opinion, Kuro is like ... 100x faster to type X3

I wonder how many people will like chapter 2 O_O ...
[/quote]
Inorite?

And i'm gonna wait for it because I don't want to fill this place with spam 8D

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CrystalCyae Newbie

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[spoiler= Lemme see what I got[/spoiler]
[I]It was raining.[/I]

Nice not-sentence there.

[I]The ground was covered in slush as it rained.[/I]

My knowledge of rainstorms = The ground is the slush.
And we already knew it was raining. Why mention the rain again two seconds later?

[I]The sky was dark and the clouds meshed together.[/I]

That sentence sounds odd to me. Maybe its just the odd use of "meshed". Not a word I typically find in a story.

[I]A young boy was running on the side walk, he turned through a large gate that lead to a large dark building.[/I]

Hmmnn... The comma seems oddly placed. To me, a period might fit that point better.

[I]As the boy was running through the building, his brown hair waved around violently.[/I]

Because hair waves at you all the time. Of course. It doesn't bounce or dance in the wind./sarcasm

[i]There was blood all over the place and a good trail of it lead up a large flight of stairs.[/i]

A good trail. Certainly not a bad one.

[i]The boy grew tears in his eyes as he shook his head and started to walk up the stairs.[/i]

Why would he start crying now? Let's think about this.
Having read ahead, he was checking on his parents/brother.
Why would he be doing that?
The only valid reason I can think of him going in this big, dark building is because he knows something happened.
So....
Why cry now?

[i]In his head, he kept asking himself [b]were[/b] his parents were, how would his brother let this happen[/i].

Note the bold. Now, what is wrong with it?
It's meant to be "where", silly.

[i]He reached the end of the stairs and followed the path of blood.[/i]

Because this kid is fearless, and isn't afraid of what he might find at the end of said path of blood.
I thought it was a trail.

[i]He tried to [b]insure[/b] himself by thinking that his parents and his brother were to strong to die like this, that they had power unlike anything he's ever seen before and that nothing could do what he feared[/i].

Reassure. Not insure.
He isn't old enough to worry about insurance.

[i]He slowly opened a large black door at the end of a long white hallway.[/i]

I can totally invision said large black door in said long white corridor.

[i]There was a big brown desk and nothing else in this large room other than three bodies laying around that appeared to be dragged to this room.[/i]

So, it's a study room? Where his dad does vampiric financial business? Unless little Dein here does his homework here, I wouldn't get the idea of having nothing but a big brown desk in the room. Surely his parents have a better place to manage the affairs of their estate.

[i]The body of the boy's father sat in the desk's chair as his body appeared to be disintegrating into blue dust.[/i]

I'll picture this guy as a random fat man that is slowly turning blue. Because we know nothing else.

[i]A woman on top of the desk in a soft white dress that was stained in her own blood was also disintegrating, this was the boys mother.[/i]

I'll pictue this as a thin supermodel advertising a bridal dress. Because, as I have said, we know nothing else.
Now, for seriousness.
Judging as how she is on the brown desk that is probably Dein's dad's, and as is father is withing two feet of her, many would assume she was the boy's mother without you needing to tell us.

[i]The[/i] [i]last body was on the other end of the room. The boy quickly realised this was his bother.[/i]

I'm not bolding the mistake with this sentence. Pick it out. Tell me what is wrong with it.

[i]The boy ran to him and kneel beside his brother and noticed the large [b]whole[/b] in his brothers chest.[/i]

This is where I say:
PROOFREAD!
Honestly. Word can't tell when a word doesn't fit, unless it's one of the three "there" thingys. You have to read over and pick the errors out yourself. Don't be lazy.

[i]The boys brother was still alive but he didn't have the strength to talk[/i].

I would've preferred us discover this without being told. The talking bit, I mean. I can think of a scene where the brother tries to talk, but can't speak due to having a [s]hole[/s] whole in his chest. That would've killed two birds with one stone.

[i]The boy cried as his eyes turned red with pity and sorrow.[/i]

B-but he was crying before!
And when I think of people's eyes changing color due to sadness, I think blue.
But this is pure-blood, super sparkly vampire. He doesn't follow the normal imagination.
That or this is some reference to VK which I haven't watched in ages.

[i]The boy turned his view out the large window at the side of the room as he watched the rain fall hard and he felt a small twinge of Regret and hate.[/i]

Regret doesn't need to be capitalized. Unless Regret is some epic superpower that sparkly peopl feel when they are super angry. Then, OK.
Seeing as this Intro is short (as a prologue is), I think we should be able to remember the rain from the double mention at the start. But meh. Some of us might be goldfish.
[/spoiler]

Feel free to bash me up for a fail of a review. :P
Anyway, glad to see this again.
Hooray!

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Techi☺ Newbie

Techi☺

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Chapter 2 has been applied.

It has been revised but not systematically spell-checked. Ripping on my spelling is still very much acceptable, I wasn't going to cry anyway. But I will put chapter 2 through spell-check and see if anything is a little too silly...

I have re-read, so if you do feel that I did not do it right, the proper way to say it would be something like: "Re-read again" or "Be more thorough next time."
And not exactly: "Double check for once." or whatever... idk...

A comment at all is pretty good in my standards. No matter what you gotta say, you are still informing me of something I might want to work on later... So... Any comment helps :3

-Bumb-

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