DEF: One More Shot (New One-Shot: Spliced)

[Desu the Blue Nerd]

@Desu

You Mad bro?

 

Nah, bro. Just slightly annoyed.

[Lt. Colonel Remo]

@Desu

You Mad bro?

 

@Fusion

If you get sidetracked from Wiseman with another writing project. I will find you, I will go to your house, I will Dinozzo slap you x7, Yell at you like Kamina, then strap you to a chair and force you to write while I eat your parent's delicious home cooked meal in front of you.

 

Even if you don't live with your parents, I will achieve all of the above. (Like a Boss).

 

...

 

SOMEONE MAKE A "LIKE A BOSS" PARODY FEATURING CREATOR! NAO!

To narrow it down, I'm pretty sure he lives in Jersey

 

Pick me up bro when you head out

[Jake the Sage]

SOMEONE MAKE A "LIKE A BOSS" PARODY FEATURING CREATOR! NAO!

 

Challenge accepted!!!

 

Okay it took a while but Creator, here is your "Like a Boss" parody.

 

[spoiler=Like a Psycho]

Emperor Aito, thanks for coming in for this interview today.

 

But I’m chained up.

 

So you’re the Emperor of Earth, is that right?

 

Of course! I’m the boss!

 

Okay, so take us through your daily life as ‘the boss’

 

Well what I do first is . . .

 

Screw with Remo (like a psycho)

 

Approve death row (like a psycho)

 

Lead a revolt (like a psycho)

 

Bury some dead bodies (likes a psycho)

 

Make fun of Zero (like a psycho)

 

My own bathroom (like a psycho)

 

Command nanites (like a psycho)

 

Promote Anarchy (like a psycho)

 

Hit on Caeda (like a psycho)

 

Get my ass kicked (like a psycho)

 

Take an aspirin (like a psycho)

 

Send a few threats (like a psycho)

 

Call a sex line (like a psycho)

 

Wont cry ever (like a psycho)

 

Demand Nobou’s head (like a psycho)

 

Drink a red bull (like a psycho)

 

Harassment lawsuit (like a psycho)

 

No penalty (like a psycho)

 

Do it again (like a psycho)

 

Hit on Caeda twice (like a psycho)

 

Cut my wrist (like a psycho)

 

Start to bleed (like a psycho)

 

Oh f*ck man I can’t f*cking do that . . . F*ck!

 

Screw it (like a psycho)

 

Hump Fusion’s computer (like a psycho)

 

Blame it on J-Max (like a psycho)

 

Murder Atman (like a psycho)

 

Make a Proto (like a psycho)

 

Crash the Ultima (like a psycho)

 

Don’t give a sh*t (like a psycho)

 

Eat Flandre’s left leg (like a psycho)

 

Chop El’s balls off (like a psycho)

 

Drown Black in the sewer (like a psycho)

 

Meet a spy girl (like a psycho)

 

F*ck her brains out (like a psycho)

 

Become a troll (like a psycho)

 

Spam every single Mod (like a psycho)

 

Launch myself at the sun (like a psycho)

 

Now I’m done (like a psycho)

 

Uh huh. So that's an average day for you then?

 

No doubt

 

You commit murder and lie?

 

And f*ck

 

I also think at one point there you said something about humping a desk

 

Nope!

 

Actually I'm pretty sure you did

 

Nah, that ain't me

 

Okay, well this has been eye opening for me

 

I’m a psycho

 

Yeah, no I got that.

 

I'm the boss

 

Yeah yeah I got it!

 

I'm the boss

 

No I heard you, see ya later

 

LIKE A BOSS!

 

 

[---------------]

Creator:

Expert tech, like a boss.

Emperor of world, like a boss.

But mentality, like an assistant.

 

@Desu: Credit? For wut? :/

 

Also, new idea.

 

Conversations That Never Were.

 

Write out non-canon scenarios where two characters that didn't meet in DEF would meet and talk and mebbe fight. For all your fantasy action needs, sexual or otherwise.

 

First example I thought of wuz me and Creator.

 

If I DO do this, it'll be AFTER the Musical. Otherwise, anyone can have a crack at it with whatev characters. Good idea? Mebbe yesh? Mebbe nein?

[Jake the Sage]

Ummm . . . that possibly wouldn't work with me nor Lora.

 

Jesse and Jackie maybe

[Desu the Blue Nerd]

The idea doesn't actually sound too bad. I'd say it'd be interesting to have two characters who have yet to interact actually interact and see what might happen if they did, canon or not.

[Fusion X. Denver]

I'm planning one fight in particular, but I was actually gonna make that canon.

I figured I could save it for later though, since it's mostly just a fight rather than an actual story.

But yeah, that sounds pro.

What would I want to see...

Jake vs Nobuo <-Because it'd be really funny

Black vs DL <-Because they would never fight each other

Chris vs Remo <-^Same

El vs Zero <-Because it'd be really, really funny

Aka vs Rui <-Because mud-bikini-wrestling

 

[---------------]

The idea doesn't actually sound too bad. I'd say it'd be interesting to have two characters who have yet to interact actually interact and see what might happen if they did, canon or not.

 

Like you and Lorana. :D

 

Hey! I wasn't sho-*shot*

[Desu the Blue Nerd]

I'm planning one fight in particular, but I was actually gonna make that canon.

I figured I could save it for later though, since it's mostly just a fight rather than an actual story.

Won't share?

But yeah, that sounds pro.

What would I want to see...

Jake vs Nobuo <-Because it'd be really funny

Actually would be. Although you might make it a bit lame and make Lora some sort of prize to be won and yadda yadda yadda. Actually, if it was like from Clannad it'd be awesome. I think Sonic vs. Nobuo and Nobuo vs. Remo are also some fights people want to see. Okay, Remo wanted to see me vs. him. XD

 

And Nobuo needs vengeance. >: (

Black vs DL <-Because they would never fight each other

Interesting. <----Just found out yesterday they're appareantly best friends. In that case we need more Noob.

 

Well we do. I think we can all agree my one-shot was pretty damn bad and a DEF without the bromance between me and Noob is not worth writing about.

Chris vs Remo <-^Same

Meh.

El vs Zero <-Because it'd be really, really funny

Yes, yes it would be.

Aka vs Rui <-Because mud-bikini-wrestling

I'll get the camera.

Like you and Lorana. :D

 

Hey! I wasn't sho-*shot*

 

*Lowers rifle.* You want to add anything to this, Denver?

[Jake the Sage]

I actually think I have to thank you Des

[smiles]

So thanks

 

You know that is actually going to be something I'll do in the Thanksgiving Special, somehow- because I honestly do not plan on having you there, but mentioned.

 

Also NO one mentions the Like a Boss parody?! (D8)

[---------------]

<p>

I actually think I have to thank you Des

[smiles]

So thanks

 

You know that is actually going to be something I'll do in the Thanksgiving Special, somehow- because I honestly do not plan on having you there, but mentioned.

 

Also NO one mentions the Like a Boss parody?! (D8)

 

Summary: Creator is a psychotic computersexual. As previously thought.

[Big Bad Pennar]

<p>

 

Summary: Creator is a psychotic technophile. As previously thought.

 

Fixed...

 

Sorry i couldn't Respond earlier, was pretty Busy XD

[---------------]

 

Fixed...

 

Sorry i couldn't Respond earlier, was pretty Busy XD

 

I prefer the term computersexual. It sounds stupider. :3

[Lt. Colonel Remo]

This sounds too badass and so I demand it be my theme

 

Also, predictable end to Chris v Remo is predictable

 

I'd love to see a serious fight between Chris and Black and a fight between Remo and Creator

[Sploda]

@Remo

So I could hand your ass to you in pieces?

 

@Jake

That was wrong, and completely NOT like me at all.

 

It was more like one of your sexual fantasies about me, and yes I know what is on your Flash Drive. All 5 of them.

 

@Atman

We would probably chill/fight to determine the best Gunblade User (ala Squall v. Seifer, where I'm obviously Squall).

[Lt. Colonel Remo]

@Remo

So I could hand your ass to you in pieces?

 

Yeah

 

You know what

 

Chris is required to do Creator v Remo

 

He's asking to get anally raep'd

[Jake the Sage]

That was wrong, and completely NOT like me at all.

 

It was more like one of your sexual fantasies about me, and yes I know what is on your Flash Drive. All 5 of them.

 

Yeah let me tell you <<

 

Sorry for it being wrong, but I don't see anyone else doing the parody for you. BTW that is akin to the lyrics of the song so . . . yeah . . .

 

And for once, about the flash drive bit, I have NO f*cking idea what you are actually talking about. Unless it's porn . . . to which everyone knows that (XD)

[---------------]

@Remo

So I could hand your ass to you in pieces?

 

@Jake

That was wrong, and completely NOT like me at all.

 

It was more like one of your sexual fantasies about me, and yes I know what is on your Flash Drive. All 5 of them.

 

@Atman

We would probably chill/fight to determine the best Gunblade User (ala Squall v. Seifer, where I'm obviously Squall).

 

Except I'm clearly Lightning. Our fight would be VIII v. XIII.

[Sploda]

@Atman

Original > Cloud knockoff

 

just sayin.

[Lt. Colonel Remo]

My goal for this letter is to report as best as possible the facts and circumstances surrounding Mr. Enzax C Aito I's simple-minded generalizations. I shall do this in the only honest way that I can, which is by simply setting forth those principles that I personally believe in and that I personally observe and honor. Before I begin, let me point out that in my observations upon boosterism, I have expressed no opinion thus far of the mode of its extinguishment or melioration. I will note, however, though I still have nothing to propose, that if we don't remove the Enzax C Aito threat now, it will bite us in our backside sooner or later. In an atmosphere of false rumors and misinformation, whatever your age, you now have only one choice. That choice is between a democratic, peace-loving regime that, you hope, may stop this insanity and, as the alternative, the militant and daffy dirigisme currently being forced upon us by Aito. Choose carefully because my sources tell me that Aito intends to make us dependent on imperious wastrels for political representation, economic support, social position, and psychological approval some day. Not on my watch! I am therefore calling upon all good citizens to deal with him appropriately.

Admittedly, Aito regards himself as both omniscient and omnicompetent, fully qualified to put any intellectual discipline in the world in its place. But that's because if they could speak, the birds, snakes, and other creatures who are our Earth brothers and Earth sisters would unmistakably say that Aito favors a pernicious "Code of Conduct" that serves no purpose other than to transform our whole society to suit Aito's own self-righteous interests, but that's a story for another time. For now, I want to focus on the way that his foot soldiers think that "Aito knows the 'right' way to read Plato, Maimonides, and Machiavelli." First off, that's a lousy sentence. If they had written instead that thanks to Aito's addlepated perceptions, all the people around here, of whatever condition in life, are dejected and sorrowful to an extent that I have never before witnessed then that quote would have had more validity. As it stands, a great many of us don't want Aito to fleece people out of their life's savings. Still, we feel a prodigious societal pressure to smile, to be nice, and not to object to his unbalanced half-measures.

How is it that I knew from the beginning that Aito would impinge upon our daily lives? Am I smarter than everyone else? No, not at all. I'll admit that I'm smarter than Enzax C Aito but that's like saying that I'm smarter than a toad. I knew what Aito would do because I realized that I'm not a psychiatrist. Sometimes, though, I wish I were, so that I could better understand what makes people like him want to rewrite and reword much of humanity's formative works to favor unilateralism.

Fortunately, most people understand that we must transform our culture of war and violence into a culture of peace and nonviolence. If we do, then perhaps a brighter day will dawn on planet Earth. Perhaps people will open their eyes and see that if it were up to Aito, schoolchildren would be taught reading, 'riting, and racism. In his hired goons' rush to join the crowd, they failed to observe that Aito thinks that principles don't matter. Of course, thinking so doesn't make it so. We ignore him at our own peril. But it goes further than that; his proxies believe that it is not only acceptable but indeed desirable to take over society's eyes, ears, mind, and spirit. It should not be surprising that they believe this, however. As we all know, minds that have been so maimed that they believe that we should derive moral guidance from Aito's glitzy, multi-culti, hip-hop, consumption-oriented wheelings and dealings can believe anything, especially if it's false.

I believe in "live and let live". Aito, in contrast, demands not only tolerance and acceptance of his communiqués but endorsement of them. It's because of such chauvinistic demands that I maintain that what I call ruthless, stupid ragamuffins commonly succumb to his distortions, deceptions, and delusions. I do not. Rather, I take pride in providing you with vital information that Aito has gone to great lengths to prevent you from discovering. As a closing statement, let me emphasize that we have no choice but to step up to the plate and think outside the box. The time to act is now.

 

 

Thank God for General

[Fusion X. Denver]

At first I was impressed, but then I remembered the rant generator.

*clap*

[Sploda]

@Itachi

...wat

 

Can we have less wall of text and more tl;dr version? Because honestly I want to see how much I can troll this rant.

[Lt. Colonel Remo]

At first I was impressed, but then I remembered the rant generator.

*clap*

Yeah

 

Even I don't know what it says

 

Through this letter, I intend to serve as a facilitator who will help you draw your own conclusions about Mr. Fusion X. Denver. That is, I'll be your "guide on the side", not a "sage on the stage". With my assistance, you'll soon gain a deep understanding of how Fusion is proof that ignorance often drives misperceptions. I want to share this with you because time cannot change Fusion's behavior. Time merely enlarges the field in which Fusion can, with ever-increasing intensity and thoroughness, impose tremendous hardships on tens of thousands of decent, hard-working individuals. I've received a smattering of mail from people who want to know the real story behind his power-drunk proposed social programs, so here it is: His goal is to institutionalize sex discrimination by requiring different standards of protection and behavior for men and women. This is abject exhibitionism!

Fusion has never satisfactorily proved his assertion that he has a fearless dedication to reason and truth. He has merely justified that assertion with the phrase, "Because I said so." His pals believe that he holds a universal license that allows him to waste taxpayers' money. Although it is perhaps impossible to change the perspective of those who have such beliefs, I wish nevertheless to even the score. There's a distinction to be made here. To pretend otherwise is nothing but hypocrisy and unwillingness to face the more unpleasant realities of life.

By this, I mean that Fusion's nostrums are precisely the kind of thing that will curry favor with backwards lowlifes using a barrage of flattery, especially recognition of their "value", their "importance", their "educational mission", and other refractory nonsense, one of these days. Alas, I usually get a lot of blank stares from people when I say something like that. What I mean is that if Fusion is going to talk about higher standards then he needs to live by those higher standards. If society were a beer bottle—something, I believe, that Fusion holds in high regard—he would indeed be the nauseating bit at the bottom that only the homeless like to drink. Perhaps he has some sound arguments on his side, but if so, he's keeping them well hidden; all the arguments I've heard from him are utterly lamebrained. This is not wild speculation. This is not a conspiracy theory. This is documented fact. Now that this letter has come to an end, I surely hope you walk away from it realizing that Mr. Fusion X. Denver makes up for his lack of wit by shouting like a Vogon.

[---------------]

@Atman

Original > Cloud knockoff

 

just sayin.

 

Lightning's just a knock off in appearance.

 

And mebbe in tone.

 

Otherwise, she original.

 

An' besides, I'm just taking her weapon. :3

 

---

[spoiler=Also] I've been doing a lot of meditating and praying lately, and this has helped me collect my thoughts and organize them into the letter you're about to read. By way of introduction, let me just say that my goal is to perform noble deeds. I might not be successful at achieving that goal, but I undoubtedly do have to try. All the same, Chairwoman Remo S. Valentine, Esq. is completely coldhearted. We all are, to some extent, but she sets the curve. If her shills had even an ounce of integrity they would stand uncompromised in a world that's on the brink of Chairwoman Valentine-induced disaster. Vapid, polyloquent blockheads who lead us into an age of shoddiness—shoddy goods, shoddy services, shoddy morals, and shoddy people—might not recognize the incongruities in her quips, but her yes-men have learned their scripts well and the rhetoric comes gushing forth with little provocation.

 

Although I prefer appealing to evidence and logic, Chairwoman Valentine is driven purely by emotion and anxiety. That's why it's hard to convince her that there is one crucial fact that we must not overlook if we are to perceive our current situation as it is, rather than in the anamorphosis of some "ideology" such as fanaticism or scapegoatism. Specifically, Chairwoman Valentine justifies her impolitic, sex-crazed allegations with fallacious logical arguments based on argumentum ad baculum. In case you're unfamiliar with the term, it means that if we don't accept Chairwoman Valentine's claim that the average working-class person can't see through her chicanery then she will lock people up for reading the "wrong" sorts of books or listening to the "wrong" kinds of music.

 

Chairwoman Valentine has been trying hard to protect what has become a lucrative racket for her. Unfortunately, that lucrative racket has a hard-to-overlook consequence: it will exploit the feelings of charity and guilt that many people have over the plight of the homeless in the near future. If I understand her bunco games correctly, then she is like a stray pigeon. Pigeons are too self-absorbed to care about anyone else. They poo on people they don't like; they poo on people they don't even know. The only real difference between Chairwoman Valentine and a pigeon is that Chairwoman Valentine intends to force square pegs into round holes. That's why Chairwoman Valentine's undertakings cannot stand on their own merit. That's why they're dependent on elaborate artifices and explanatory stories to convince us that the cure for evil is more evil.

 

If I am correct that it's time to get beyond lies, dissembling, and propaganda deliberately spread by Chairwoman Valentine and act according to the plain truth, then she says that everyone would be a lot safer if she were to monitor all of our personal communications and financial transactions—even our library records. Why on Earth does she need to monitor our library records? Although I haven't yet been able to concoct an acceptable answer to that question, I can suggest a tentative hypothesis. My hypothesis is that seeing her succeed at dismantling the guard rails that protect society from the superficial elements in its midst has left me with a number of unanswered questions—questions such as "Why does the media consistently refuse to acknowledge that I don't expect everyone to agree with me?" I won't bore you with the details, but suffice it to say that I don't know what bothers me most about her. Is it her specious arguments, her illogical reasoning, her obscurantist claims, her unreasonable speculations, or any of the many forms of pseudoscholarship we see in her jeremiads? In any case, Chairwoman Valentine is right about one thing, namely that fear is what motivates us. Fear of what it means when inconsiderate nebbishes of one sort or another encourage a deadly acceptance of intolerance. Fear of what it says about our society when we teach our children that Chairwoman Valentine has the mandate of Heaven to take control of a nation and suck it dry. And fear of cheeky oligarchs like Chairwoman Valentine who tell us how to live, what to say, what to think, what to know, and—most importantly—what not to know.

 

Chairwoman Valentine is not the only one who needs to reassess her assumptions. Think about spleeny ranters (also known as Chairwoman Valentine's peons). They too should realize that if we don't soon tell Chairwoman Valentine to stop what she's doing, she will proceed with her wicked diatribes, considerably emboldened by our lack of resistance. We will have tacitly given Chairwoman Valentine our permission to do so. The real question here is not, "Does she enjoy the dubious cachet of being the world's most unmannerly, crude clunk?". The real question is rather, "Is she just trying to respond to this letter with hyperbolic and uncorroborated accusations and assaults on free speech?" While that question may not be as profound as "What's the meaning of life?" or "Is there a God?", Chairwoman Valentine has been telling everyone that the Earth is flat. I would like to remind Chairwoman Valentine that false words are not only evil in themselves, but they infect the soul with evil.

 

I would rail on at length about Chairwoman Valentine's gin-swilling, nerdy theories but will leave that for another time. Suffice it to say that Chairwoman Valentine contends that she understands the difference between civilization and savagery. What planet is she from? The planet Callous? The answer I shall provide is broad, plain, and even more than sufficient. You see, Chairwoman Valentine has spent untold hours trying to use psychological tools to trick us into doing whatever she requires of us. During that time, did it ever once occur to her that I'm sick of Chairwoman Valentine sticking her proboscis into everyone else's business? That is, what in tarnation was Chairwoman Valentine thinking when she said that ethical responsibility is merely a trammel of earthbound mortals and should not be required of a demigoddess like her? To turn that question around, does she believe, deep in the adytum of her own mind, that the sky is falling? Fortunately for us, the key to the answer is obvious: Life isn't fair. We've all known this since the beginning of time, so why is she so compelled to complain about situations over which she has no control? If you feel that all it takes to start a rabbit farm is a magician's magic hat then you won't understand my answer no matter how carefully I explain it. You won't understand my answer if you avouch that Chairwoman Valentine is renowned for her racial and cultural sensitivity. However, you have a chance at understanding my answer if you're open-minded enough to realize that we wouldn't currently have a problem with McCarthyism if it weren't for Chairwoman Valentine. Although she created the problem, aggravated the problem, and escalated the problem, Chairwoman Valentine insists that she can solve the problem if we just grant her more power. How naïve does she think we are? Truly, one of Chairwoman Valentine's assistants once said, "It's okay to spatter my reputation." Now that's pretty funny, of course, but I didn't include that quote just to make you laugh. I included it to convince you that Chairwoman Valentine's rapacious writings are in full flower, and their poisonous petals of poststructuralism are blooming all around us.

 

Chairwoman Valentine, ghastly recidivists, and a few decent but occasionally malevolent people are engaged in a desperate struggle for the soul of society. That concept can be extended, mutatis mutandis, to the way that we can divide her disquisitions into three categories: unruly, inerudite, and nasty. Under these conditions, she unequivocally believes that she acts in the name of equality and social justice. What kind of Humpty-Dumpty world is she living in? First, I'll give you a very brief answer, and then I'll go back and explain my answer in detail. As for the brief answer, she often starts with a preconceived story and then plugs in supposed "information" in order to create a somewhat believable tale. But what, you may ask, does any of that have to do with the theme of this letter, viz., that her atavistic values lead her to eliminate those law-enforcement officers who constitute the vital protective bulwark in the fragile balance between anarchy and tyranny? Whenever that question is asked, Chairwoman Valentine and her idolators run and hide. I suspect that that's precisely what they're going to do now so as to avoid hearing me say that I have a dream that my children will be able to live in a world filled with open spaces and beautiful wilderness—not in a dark, militant world run by the most meretricious nudniks I've ever seen.

 

Out of the vast number of devastating evils for which unforgiving devotees of conspiracy theories are directly or indirectly responsible, I shall pick out only a single one which is most in keeping with the inner essence of Chairwoman Valentine's lackadaisical endeavors: ethnocentrism. If Chairwoman Valentine can overawe and befuddle a sufficient number of prominent individuals then it will become virtually impossible for anyone to fight for what is right. In these days of political correctness and the changing of how history is taught in schools to fulfill a particular agenda, she will stop at nothing to destroy our culture, our institutions, and our way of life. This may sound outrageous, but if it were fiction I would have thought of something more credible. As it stands, if this letter did nothing else but serve as a beacon of truth, it would be worthy of reading by all right-thinking people. However, this letter's role is much greater than just to pave the way for people of every sex, race, and socioeconomic status to fulfill their own spiritual destiny. It troubles and amazes me to think that I, speaking as someone who is not an unpatriotic, froward Neanderthal, hate Chairwoman Valentine's constant misuse of historical analogies. That's self-evident, and even Chairwoman Valentine would probably agree with me on that. Even so, I want to give people more information about Chairwoman Valentine, help them digest and assimilate and understand that information, and help them draw responsible conclusions from it. Here's one conclusion I undeniably hope people draw: Chairwoman Valentine's unimaginative, venom-spouting hypnopompic insights leave the current power structure untouched while simultaneously killing countless children through starvation and disease. Are these children her enemies? Here's the answer, albeit in a somewhat circuitous and roundabout style: Unless you define success using the sort of loosey-goosey standards by which she abides you'll realize that true measures of success involve indicating in a rough and approximate way the two muzzy-headed tendencies that I believe are the main driving force of modern Dadaism. Success is getting the world to see that from the perspective of those inside Chairwoman Valentine's crime syndicate, might makes right. The reality, however, is that if we're to effectively carry out our responsibilities and make a future for ourselves, we will first have to advance freedom in countries strangled by tyranny.

 

When I was little, my father would sometimes pick me up, put me on his knee, and say "Chairwoman Valentine's supporters, who are legion, allege, after performing shoddy research and utilizing threadbare scholarship, that a number of Chairwoman Valentine's enemies are planning to exhibit cruelty to animals." While we may all pray for a perfect utopian world in which everyone is holding hands and singing "We Are the World" in perfect harmony, the blunt reality is that my dream is for tired eyes to open and see clearly, broken spirits to find new energy, and weary arms to find the strength to show principle, gumption, verve, and nerve. At this point in the letter, I'd like to categorize for you some of Chairwoman Valentine's jibes. Unfortunately, they're far too damnable and indecent to fit neatly into any single, overarching framework, so the best I can do is to convey the message that when Chairwoman Valentine's uncivilized utterances are translated into plain, words-mean-things English, she appears to be saying that her opinions are not worth getting outraged about. For me, this gutless moonshine serves only to emphasize how I once managed to get Chairwoman Valentine to agree that she possesses an extraordinary ability to make incompetence seem philosophical and stupidity seem profound. Unfortunately, a few minutes later, she did a volte-face and denied that she had ever said that.

 

To be sure, Chairwoman Valentine's cultic aping of logorrheic loudmouths indicates that she is an enemy to her friends and a friend to her enemies, but a person who wants to get ahead should try to understand the long-range consequences of his/her actions. Chairwoman Valentine has never had that faculty. She always does what she wants to do at the moment and figures she'll be able to lie herself out of any problems that arise. I'm no psychiatrist. Still, from the little I know about psychiatry I can say that she seems to exhibit many of the symptoms of Asperger's syndrome. I don't say that to judge but merely to put her unrestrained vaporings into perspective. There is an unpleasant fact, painful to the tender-minded, that one can deduce from the laws of nature. This fact is also conclusively established by direct observation. It is a fact so obvious that rational people have always known it and no one doubted it until Chairwoman Valentine and her toadies started trying to deny it. The fact to which I am referring states that Chairwoman Valentine refuses to come to terms with reality. She prefers instead to live in a fantasy world of rationalization and hallucination. Okay, I've written enough for one letter, so let me just finish by saying that information about Chairwoman Remo S. Valentine, Esq.'s narrow-minded, scabrous beliefs (as I would certainly not call them logically reasoned arguments) is there for those who seek it.

 

[Lt. Colonel Remo]

Why does Cadet Atman QED Seijo MLA strip the world of conversation, friendship, and love? Anger? Fear? Stupidity? Some deep warped urging of his soul? The answer cannot easily be found, but he can make no claim to a distinguishing talent of any kind. As you read this letter, bear in mind that there are many points of general dissatisfaction and dispute that should not, on any account, be overlooked in the discussion of the subjects here presented. One of these is that his orations are geared toward the continuation of social stratification under the rubric of "tradition". Funny, that was the same term that Atman's bootlickers once used to put the prisoners in charge of running the prison.

Atman has planted his apparatchiks everywhere. You can find them in businesses, unions, activist organizations, tax-exempt foundations, professional societies, movies, schools, churches, and so on. Not only does this subversive approach enhance Atman's ability to foment a radical realignment of industrialized economies, but it also provides irrefutable evidence that over time, his apologues have progressed from being merely shallow to being supershallow, hypershallow, and recently ultrashallow. In fact, I'd say that now they're even megashallow. Inherent in our legal construction of absolutism is the notion that his mind is hermetically sealed against fresh air from the real world. I submit that everyone should stop and mull that assertion. Then, people will understand why I would never take a job working for Atman. Given his immoral equivocations, who would want to? Okay, I've written enough for one letter, so let me just finish by saying that Cadet Atman QED Seijo MLA's attitude is unequivocally, "You don't agree with me; therefore, you must be a repulsive, oppressive moocher".