Yu-gi-oh!: The Wanderer [Grande Finale]

[Agro]

[quote name='Verz Bahamut' timestamp='1319554212' post='5599792']
Read chapters 2 and 3 whilst having breaks from other stuff.

Can't say I'm overly enthused so far. Duel Academy fics generally don't fill me with such. Ryo's introduction was just such a douchey way to introduce a rival. 'I don't like you because a card that [i]might[/i] have helped my brother have a tiny chance of winning a championship is limited, and you use cards that take real advantage of said card. Therefore in my really f***ed up head it must be your fault'. Its not like it was even Ryo who lost the title, it was his brother, so that stunts the rivalry as well.

On a positive note I really enjoy the weird relationship between Everett and Leland. Best friends who constantly have a go at each other. Dunno if you've ever seen 'Life on Mars' but it reminds me of those characters. There are probably more common odd couples to compare them to, but eh. Theres a lot of silly humour which does make me chuckle to, which is a nice change to the doom and gloom that prevails over Dead Zone, Dark Doorway, Armageddon, etc.

They are keeping me interested so far, and I suspect they'll no doubt be a girl soon joins them as a trio to add another dynamic. Prof Grey, I paid very little attention to anything he said as I just rushed through that section, but yeah he's up to something in the least subtle way. I'm sure they'll be others like that when we reach the academy, but first we have Everett vs Ryo coming up. Spectacular come back win, possibly having Darkfire Dragion defeated early and having to call on a second boss to win the day. Or Monster Reborn.

Sorry to be a jerk because I don't usually do this whole predicting thing, but... this does lend itself to it. I could have just got everything wrong and made a fool of myself, but somehow I doubt it.

Haven't seen any problem in terms of custom cards, the Darkfire cards seem fine (if cliche in name, but returning from graveyard to deck is cool gimmick). Everett vs Leland was a pretty good opening duel, to get his LP to 100 without him really doing anything and then destroy Lel in one turn was really well worked out. So another plus there.
[/quote]Well, it's good that someone liked it, though I'm telling you now, the Ryouta/Everett duel drags on (I pretty much made it because people complained about the first one being too short- that'll teach 'em). Hopefully everything else you've mentioned wraps itself up and gives you an answer, but most of the backstory and such won't get revealed until much later.

[Bahamut - Envoy of the End]

[quote name='AggroDrago' timestamp='1319554486' post='5599796']
Well, it's good that someone liked it, though I'm telling you now, the Ryouta/Everett duel drags on (I pretty much made it because people complained about the first one being too short- that'll teach 'em). Hopefully everything else you've mentioned wraps itself up and gives you an answer, but most of the backstory and such won't get revealed until much later.
[/quote]

Well it was five turns. Compared to the last few episodes of Zexal that were one parters, that's the same as Yuma vs Tetsuo, Yuma vs Obomi, and longer than Kaito vs Shark (which was a great little duel and proves they don't have to go on and on). I've not watched it yet, but didn't Yusei vs Zone only go seven or eight turns and was just reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeally dragged out? Yeah most major major duels go on longer, but not often the opening exchanges.

Quality of plays > quantity of plays.

[Agro]

[quote name='Verz Bahamut' timestamp='1319556526' post='5599814']
Quality of plays > quantity of plays.
[/quote]^^this

UPDATE: for anyone that's looking for a new chapter right about now, there will be none this week. I just had a mid-term today, I have a paper and a project due by the end of the week, and Battlefield 3 came out today. The upside is that there will be 2 chapters next week, I might even get the first one done for you early.

[Bahamut - Envoy of the End]

Ok, I am now six chapters in, and this is really becoming a chore. Seriously I don't want to put you down or anything but I have to be honest before being heartfelt, and I am struggling to keep reading this.

Everett vs Ryo; we had to go through all that tediously long match, just for him to throw the duel? Over Pot of Avarice?

Chapt 6, girl introduced. One I've known for several years and quite well, but now don't recognise. Oh no wait, actually two girls. I couldn't tell from the voice or the shape of the hand and thought it was a bloke.

Ryo threatening to ship Lel off produced a chuckle, because I'm childish like that.

Now we have a academy entry test to come, and a duel against a professor to look forward to.

This is going somewhere interesting eventually.... right?

[Agro]

[quote name='Verz Bahamut' timestamp='1319662266' post='5601916']
Ok, I am now six chapters in, and this is really becoming a chore. Seriously I don't want to put you down or anything but I have to be honest before being heartfelt, and I am struggling to keep reading this.

Everett vs Ryo; we had to go through all that tediously long match, just for him to throw the duel? Over Pot of Avarice?

Chapt 6, girl introduced. One I've known for several years and quite well, but now don't recognise. Oh no wait, actually two girls. I couldn't tell from the voice or the shape of the hand and thought it was a bloke.

Ryo threatening to ship Lel off produced a chuckle, because I'm childish like that.

Now we have a academy entry test to come, and a duel against a professor to look forward to.

This is going somewhere interesting eventually.... right?
[/quote]It'll take a chapter or two, but yes, it will. I didn't want to chuck everything out at once, but I understand how you feel. I wrote everything up through chapter 10 before actually posting chapter 1 here last month, so there was bound to be some things that didn't get improved upon. I changed a few things up from the original chapters once I got some feedback, but if I did too much it would offset the story a bit, which was something that I wasn't willing to do. Anyway, I sincerely thank you for the criticism, I do keep track of all of that (me and my perfectionistic tendencies when writing). Hopefully I'll do better in the next chapters.


(EDIT: rep for post #100, just cause)

[Agro]

HOLY SH*T I ACTUALLY FINISHED THE NEXT CHAPTER

Alright, so it's been like a month and a half I think, so it's been a long time coming. The chapter's 10-11 pages on MS Word, so I'm hoping it meets expectations. I'm warning you all now that Chapter 11 will take a while, hopefully not as long as this one, but I just need to think of how to proceed from here, I've got a good idea of what will happen later, but I just need to get from point A to point B, ya know.

Anyway, I'll post here what I posted in Writer's Gathering:

I need some things.

1. Grammar, spelling, etc. Just so I can correct it real quick.
2. Coherency: It's been a while since my last chapter and I want to make sure I've got this all put together still.
3. Thoughts on the story, what you think of the characters, what you think about where the fic's going.

[Bahamut - Envoy of the End]

Just read through Chapters 7-10 in (more or less) one sitting.

Starting to enjoy it a bit more now pleased to say. Mostly because of Ryo and Lel being YGO's answer to the Two Ronnies, but also the duel between Everett and Grey was pretty darn good (great opening move, but Cyber Dragon seemed a little random tbh. Eh good duel though.) The duel puzzle was pretty ingenious too btw.

Could see Carina walking in as soon as Lel and Teo started talking. Disappointed you passed on the opportunity to put Teo over and have him crush Lel, because I want to see a non-Everett duel soon anyway, and I don't like it when supposedly major villians only duel once or twice and lose.

Action in some of the chapters is progressing a little slowly, yet we're jumping into this major tourney almost straight away as if almost to make up for that.

Still very hit and miss in terms of quality but very entertaining read.

Oh yeah, regarding your questions. Rhett 'life' Ryo to his feet instead of lift was the only grammar/spelling error I noticed.
Coherency was fine as the gap came in a fairly natural place anyway, so its fine that new characters like Michael and Sylvia got introduced in abunch in the same way that we saw loads of new characters in ep 26 of Zexal. As for the future, its not as generic as some Duel Academy fics, although still following a standard formula somewhat. Characters are the same, some have standard personalities, others are more interesting. Don't really see a big driving 'purpose' as in save the world mission of any kind yet.

[Agro]

I'm going to note that I'm still fairly tired when writing this after only getting an hour or two worth of a nap after pulling and all-nighter last night, so forgive me if I'm at least a bit disjointed.

[quote name='Verz Bahamut' timestamp='1323461948' post='5697422']
Just read through Chapters 7-10 in (more or less) one sitting.

[b]I'll take that as a good sign. ;D[/b]

Starting to enjoy it a bit more now pleased to say. Mostly because of Ryo and Lel being YGO's answer to the Two Ronnies, but also the duel between Everett and Grey was pretty darn good (great opening move, but Cyber Dragon seemed a little random tbh. Eh good duel though.) The duel puzzle was pretty ingenious too btw.

[b]I'm having a bit of a tough time remembering it, so I'll have to re-read through it, but I had originally intended the idea of Cyber Dragon appearing in his deck as an idea from Leland to help him. I'm not completely sure how well I explained it, and I think I was actually planning to go back and insert a little foreshadow to it sometime in between the duel and the end of the last chapter. But glad you're at least beginning to enjoy it. Though I'm not sure how to take the Potter reference...[/b]

Could see Carina walking in as soon as Lel and Teo started talking. Disappointed you passed on the opportunity to put Teo over and have him crush Lel, because I want to see a non-Everett duel soon anyway, and I don't like it when supposedly major villians only duel once or twice and lose.

[b]*perks up evil smile* Oh, don't you worry, my good friend.[/b]

Action in some of the chapters is progressing a little slowly, yet we're jumping into this major tourney almost straight away as if almost to make up for that.

[b]Put in simple-men's terms, for you is that a good or bad thing?[/b]

Still very hit and miss in terms of quality but very entertaining read.

[b]D: Any suggestions as to how to improve the quality are always welcomed. (like, i seriously have a full word document where I store these kinds of criticisms)[/b]

Oh yeah, regarding your questions. Rhett 'life' Ryo to his feet instead of lift was the only grammar/spelling error I noticed.
Coherency was fine as the gap came in a fairly natural place anyway, so its fine that new characters like Michael and Sylvia got introduced in abunch in the same way that we saw loads of new characters in ep 26 of Zexal. As for the future, its not as generic as some Duel Academy fics, although still following a standard formula somewhat. Characters are the same, some have standard personalities, others are more interesting. Don't really see a big driving 'purpose' as in save the world mission of any kind yet.

[b]I'll check on that spelling error, as long as I can find it. xD[/b]

[b]Good to know it's not being viewed as completely conventional, I think you'll find that there will be a driving purpose. Currently it's not that apparent, but for now, I'll just ask that you take Everett's original motives and accept that as the simple answer.[/b]
[/quote]

Thanks for reading Matt, glad you could get through it in one sitting, must mean something's good... or that the Ryo-Rhett duel was te-he-herrible. It's both, but I'll just assume that it's the first one for my sake. xD

[Bahamut - Envoy of the End]

Potter reference? What Potter reference? I mentioned the two Ronnies, you know who they are right?

Kind of a bad thing... there's been nine chapters pretty much dedicated to Everett getting put forward for and getting into the school, and then there's going to this tournament starting inevitably., and nothing really in between. Yes I'm all for all killer no filler, but you need some filler to build characters other than Rhett. At the minute its a bit like if all that Zexal cut about 20 episodes so all that had happened was Astral's arrival, Kaito battering Yuma then Astral, and WDC starting... with the first duel being the previously unintroduced IV... You could watch those episodes and get the main gist of the plot without missing much essential stuff from eps where Yuma was just gathering Numbers, but it feels a bit... wut?

That's cool that you save your reviews.

[Agro]

[quote name='Verz Bahamut' timestamp='1323482359' post='5698195']
Potter reference? What Potter reference? I mentioned the two Ronnies, you know who they are right?

Kind of a bad thing... there's been nine chapters pretty much dedicated to Everett getting put forward for and getting into the school, and then there's going to this tournament starting inevitably., and nothing really in between. Yes I'm all for all killer no filler, but you need some filler to build characters other than Rhett. At the minute its a bit like if all that Zexal cut about 20 episodes so all that had happened was Astral's arrival, Kaito battering Yuma then Astral, and WDC starting... with the first duel being the previously unintroduced IV... You could watch those episodes and get the main gist of the plot without missing much essential stuff from eps where Yuma was just gathering Numbers, but it feels a bit... wut?

That's cool that you save your reviews.
[/quote]1. Nope. Not in the slightest.

2. Understandable, but the majority of the tournament is going to be used for character development. It's quite literally its point. And it works as a plot mover too ;D

3. I need something to look back on, don't I? Though I could do a better job of saving the positive reviews imo.

[Bahamut - Envoy of the End]

[quote name='Passion Pit' timestamp='1323482500' post='5698202']
1. Nope. Not in the slightest.
[/quote]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cz2-ukrd2VQ

Was tempted to put the Mastermind one up, but its a bit difficult to follow.

[Agro]

[quote name='Verz Bahamut' timestamp='1323483009' post='5698221']

[media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cz2-ukrd2VQ[/media]

Was tempted to put the Mastermind one up, but its a bit difficult to follow.
[/quote]Oh... british comedy...

this should be stale... ;D

[guuu1234]

I love your story. The way you describe what is important, the uniqueness of each character, hell even the plot is interesting and makes me want to read more. I just now finished chapter 9 and i have to say it was amazing, but i was a little disappointed that Everret searched out a Battle Fader with Sangan, even though Dimensional Fissure was in play. As far as cards and rules go, I can see that you're making things in the story relateable to real life (limited pot of avarice, black rose a now common card, etc), and mistakes happen. I know. Just watch the rulings. To advanced players it does make a difference. Other than that I love your stories and I look forward to chapter 10. Don't discontinue this man

[Agro]

Bump.

Thanks for the review gu, don't worry, I won't be stopping anytime soon. And xD, guess I didn't see that, thanks for pointing it out, I'll try not to make that mistake again.

[Agro]

Bump


[quote name='- Sharpshooter -']
[b]CALLING STAR *PHONE RINGS*[/b]
[/quote]

[~Tico~]

Glad to see that this is up and running again. I was rather intrigued by this when I first read it and was wondering if you had quit. Now it seems that more will be coming so I needn't worry. The plot line, while not totally spectacular of of yet, still compels me to read, although I'm slightly put off by the whole DA bit even if it is essential to the plot. But your descriptions are good and the characters go along well (but Everett was a bit of a Mary Sue at the start). Overall, I've little to complain about for this work, so just keep writing. You have another reader in me.

[Agro]

[quote name='Rai of the Illuminence' timestamp='1323743249' post='5703295']
Glad to see that this is up and running again. I was rather intrigued by this when I first read it and was wondering if you had quit. Now it seems that more will be coming so I needn't worry. The plot line, while not totally spectacular of of yet, still compels me to read, although I'm slightly put off by the whole DA bit even if it is essential to the plot. But your descriptions are good and the characters go along well (but Everett was a bit of a Mary Sue at the start). Overall, I've little to complain about for this work, so just keep writing. You have another reader in me.
[/quote]Thanks for commenting. I always worry people just read the first bit, comment, then don't read any more. So it's good to know some people are here and reading still. I've been writing less and less due to college, but thankfully, I have an entire month off coming up, so hopefully I'll be able to find more time to write.

More importantly I have a great many scenes coming up that are already written, so once I reach it, the chapters should be released a lot more regularly. My only problem will be reaching that point, a problem which can be overcome easily if I can figure out what I want to do with this next chapter, which unfortunately, because of such, may take a while. Hopefully not too long, but I'm thinking it through now.

[Synchronized]

Eh, yeah, I'm about to get to it. Going to keep my g/f company at work, so I'll be sure to read it there once I get the laptop hooked up, and leave feedback, etc. I've been trying to find the time and sit down to read it as it's really the only story I follow on here.

But I expect a glance at D-Prison for this, too.

=p

[Agro]

[quote name='- Sharpshooter -' timestamp='1323816735' post='5704743']
Eh, yeah, I'm about to get to it. Going to keep my g/f company at work, so I'll be sure to read it there once I get the laptop hooked up, and leave feedback, etc. I've been trying to find the time and sit down to read it as it's really the only story I follow on here.

But I expect a glance at D-Prison for this, too.

=p
[/quote]Of course!

-Read and comment on D-Prison: DONE
-Star reading and commenting on the Wanderer Ch. 10: Not done D:

[Synchronized]

I'll tell you what I hate about this story. It's so engrossing. It's one of my favorite Fan Fictions I've ever read on this site, and you [i]never[/i] update it. So then you post another really good episode, and I'm anxiously awaiting the duel between Everett and Teo that I know for a [i]fact[/i] is going to happen eventually.

Another great episode - let me know in a month when you post the next one. :'[

[Agro]

[quote name='- Sharpshooter -' timestamp='1323912872' post='5707671']
I'll tell you what I hate about this story. It's so engrossing. It's one of my favorite Fan Fictions I've ever read on this site, and you [i]never[/i] update it. So then you post another really good episode, and I'm anxiously awaiting the duel between Everett and Teo that I know for a [i]fact[/i] is going to happen eventually.

Another great episode - let me know in a month when you post the next one. :'[
[/quote]

:3 Don't worry, once I get into the actual tourney chapters will fly outta the bag (cause I already wrote half of them) The only real challenge I'm going to have with getting out chapters will be this one and the next one. They are the only ones where I need to figure out how to proceed and bridge my ideas together.

[Agro]

bump

[IceDorago]

Guess what? I actually finished reading this!

Most of my concerns have already been addressed by other people already. Rhett throwing the duel against Ryo reminded me of when Crow threw the game against Leo. It just seemed stupid and pointless to me, at least for the reasons why it was done, since Ryo's introduction and hatred towards Rhett was silly. His brother lost because Avarice might have helped him and as it helps Rhett, he's gonna get the blame for it going on the Limited list? They limit cards to hinder a single duelist whose cards aren't even publicly available?

The plot doesn't really seem to be moving much right now. Sure, Everett is in the DA now, but aside from that, nothing has really happened. But, so far, the content makes me laugh a bit (in a good way), so that's a plus. But, I do hate how you haven't really given anyone besides Everett the spotlight. It feels like ZeXal where there are only three matches that don't involve Yuma in some way. I'm assuming that this shall be fixed when the tournament begins, however, as there'd have to be more people dueling in that.

Speaking of the duels, I do love how the cards used relate to real life, as it's something you don't see in fics too often. You seem to be following the latest banlist, which some people (though not here, I believe) don't do in their writing so that they have the ability to place whatever they want into their story. Black Rose Dragon, which so many people keep as a one-of-a-kind card due to 5D's, is blatantly stated as being a staple for most people. Cyber Dragon, though a bit random, [i]is[/i] teched by many people, so with the other realism of the cards played in the story, it's not surprising that Everett would have one, along with the Chimeratech in his Extra Deck.

I also noticed the Sangan misplay, but I can't really talk seeing as how I made a mistake in the duels in about every chapter when I was still doing [i]Darkest Feathers[/i].

In the end, this is was a nice read, and I look forward to more.

[Agro]

[quote name='Icemare Moon' timestamp='1324740514' post='5727032']
Guess what? I actually finished reading this!

Most of my concerns have already been addressed by other people already. Rhett throwing the duel against Ryo reminded me of when Crow threw the game against Leo. It just seemed stupid and pointless to me, at least for the reasons why it was done, since Ryo's introduction and hatred towards Rhett was silly. His brother lost because Avarice might have helped him and as it helps Rhett, he's gonna get the blame for it going on the Limited list? They limit cards to hinder a single duelist whose cards aren't even publicly available?

The plot doesn't really seem to be moving much right now. Sure, Everett is in the DA now, but aside from that, nothing has really happened. But, so far, the content makes me laugh a bit (in a good way), so that's a plus. But, I do hate how you haven't really given anyone besides Everett the spotlight. It feels like ZeXal where there are only three matches that don't involve Yuma in some way. I'm assuming that this shall be fixed when the tournament begins, however, as there'd have to be more people dueling in that.
[/quote]i'm currently working on the outline for the next few chapters and I can assure you that you'll see other people duel, don't worry. As for the speed, that's also being handled, and I'm considering going back and editing chapters 1-5, but at the moment you'll have to live with that.

Either way, thanks for reading, I'll be updating in hopefully less than a week. I'll rep that post as soon as I get to a computer that can do that (stupid mobile version.)

[Agro]

Just a bump again. Nothing new yet, I apologize, though I fully intend to get up early tomorrow and get to work on it. I was planning on finishing early, but I needed to look through my plans and see if I couldn't fit in a few new ideas that had inevitably popped up.