Yu-gi-oh!: The Wanderer [Grande Finale]

[Agro]

[quote name='Star' timestamp='1317683968' post='5558421']
I would but alas there is no Chapter, I must know where Everett's quest has taken him!
[/quote]
WAIT THERE IS A QUEST!? I WANNA C IT. jk, yea, i'll get off here and get to writing the second i hit 100 posts for the day.

[Synchronized]

[quote name='AggroDrago' timestamp='1317684120' post='5558426']
WAIT THERE IS A QUEST!? I WANNA C IT. jk, yea, i'll get off here and get to writing the second i hit 100 posts for the day.
[/quote]

Yeah, I'm sure, this is the one story I actually followed the day it was updated and you've left us storyless for weeks now.

[Agro]

From the depths of the shadows I lurk,
Waiting to kill even the most careful of peoples,
I am a ninja, and I will-.

What's that? CHAPTER 7 OF THE WANDERER IS UP!? WELL SCREW THIS THING THEN. *ninja runs off to find computer*

Yup, after 2 weeks, I finally have Chapter 7 out for all of you. Enjoy, enjoy!

[Agro]

Bump, cause there's a new chapter and no one's responded.

[Reinforce]

You don't need to bump any longer, not for this chapter at least, I read it and responded. It was good too, and you have a new reader for this story so congratulations, and please put up the next chapter soon.

[Divine Chaos]

Hi. Good to see a new chapter up. I really need to hurry up, my fic's falling way behind. Anyway, comments on this chapter: First off, not bad, but not particularly great either. Although there's been some progress here and there, not much real plot development has been going on for the last few chapters. If Everett's taking his quest seriously, I'm seeing no sign of it. I mean, yes he's going to DA and all, but searching for whoever he's looking for doesn't seem to be a huge priority right now. Good job with the Duel Puzzles, that was a fun bit, but I'm seeing too much of what I'd call Main Character Genius cliche. All in all, good job but try and move along the plot some.

PS. I just noticed something from chapter 6. Rhett likes Leland's sister?! Leland will probably kill Rhett if he finds out.

[Agro]

[quote name='Divine Chaos' timestamp='1317814710' post='5562031']
Hi. Good to see a new chapter up. I really need to hurry up, my fic's falling way behind. Anyway, comments on this chapter: First off, not bad, but not particularly great either. Although there's been some progress here and there, not much real plot development has been going on for the last few chapters. If Everett's taking his quest seriously, I'm seeing no sign of it. I mean, yes he's going to DA and all, but searching for whoever he's looking for doesn't seem to be a huge priority right now. Good job with the Duel Puzzles, that was a fun bit, but I'm seeing too much of what I'd call Main Character Genius cliche. All in all, good job but try and move along the plot some.

PS. I just noticed something from chapter 6. Rhett likes Leland's sister?! Leland will probably kill Rhett if he finds out.
[/quote]
[spoiler='Spoilers Involved']
I've made it clear to find who he's searching for, he needs to join the academy, and though he the plot may take, what, 3 or 4 chapters to get him into the academy, it is almost considered the Opening plot or the first reaction of the initial incident. Turns out things don't just happen because people say they do an every little thing is important. You'll find that out in the next duel, I'm sure.
[/spoiler]

[Synchronized]

So as I know you're anxiously awaiting my thoughts, I contemplated keeping you waiting for another three weeks like you did with the episode, but then decided against it as I found it rather entertaining and wanted to point out a few things that I noticed.

You definitely have characters I can relate to and as I said before and multiple times it's a GX-esque story, but in a good way, in the sense that if you wanted to include filler without it being looked down upon you could. It's a very interesting and fun read but I'm intrigued to see where you go once you get into the more serious aspects of the story.

Leland's character portrays some combination of Jaden/Chazz to a nutshell and I personally find him well-done especially because he [i]isn't[/i] them, he just has some common personality traits. It was obvious Everett was going to solve all the puzzles, that much was cliche and I assume there was no way around that, because if he failed then it would have made no difference.

What's weird is I found myself calling stuff before it happened and yet once it happened I still had fun reading it. Good stuff.

I'm interested in seeing Everett's duel, which I assume will end up being against either Grey or the Chancellor herself, or maybe [s]Crowler[/s] someone else who can provide him with the best possible challenge. I'll be back in three weeks for the update. =P

[Agro]

[quote name='Star' timestamp='1317836779' post='5562373']
1. So as I know you're anxiously awaiting my thoughts, I contemplated keeping you waiting for another three weeks like you did with the episode, but then decided against it as I found it rather entertaining and wanted to point out a few things that I noticed.

2. You definitely have characters I can relate to and as I said before and multiple times it's a GX-esque story, but in a good way, in the sense that if you wanted to include filler without it being looked down upon you could. It's a very interesting and fun read but I'm intrigued to see where you go once you get into the more serious aspects of the story.

3. Leland's character portrays some combination of Jaden/Chazz to a nutshell and I personally find him well-done especially because he [i]isn't[/i] them, he just has some common personality traits. It was obvious Everett was going to solve all the puzzles, that much was cliche and I assume there was no way around that, because if he failed then it would have made no difference.

4. What's weird is I found myself calling stuff before it happened and yet once it happened I still had fun reading it. Good stuff.

5. I'm interested in seeing Everett's duel, which I assume will end up being against either Grey or the Chancellor herself, or maybe [s]Crowler[/s] someone else who can provide him with the best possible challenge. I'll be back in three weeks for the update. =P
[/quote]
1. Now why would I be anxious to hear from you, Star?

2. Don't get to comfortable if you like a lot of fluff stories, I have a heavy distaste for filler episodes.

3. Leland, at this point, should be the more enjoyable and lively character. He's essentially bringing out the good sides of everyone around him. I've gotten complaints that he's more developed than Everett, but that's really the point. You'll see what I mean later, cause I don't want to spoil anything, but at this point he very well SHOULD be more developed than Everett.

4. This early in the story that shouldn't be a surprise, though it's good that it's still enjoyable whether you saw it coming or now.

5. This takes place far after GX, so Crowler won't be around. But I got two chapters, who knows? I might just introduce a new character.

AND IT WON'T TAKE 3 WEEKS! At most it'll be 2. I have a paper due on monday and a mid-term the week after, so I may be busy, but I'll try my best to churn out at least another chapter before I get some time to write.

[Synchronized]

[quote name='AggroDrago' timestamp='1317880812' post='5563648']
1. Now why would I be anxious to hear from you, Star?

2. Don't get to comfortable if you like a lot of fluff stories, I have a heavy distaste for filler episodes.

3. Leland, at this point, should be the more enjoyable and lively character. He's essentially bringing out the good sides of everyone around him. I've gotten complaints that he's more developed than Everett, but that's really the point. You'll see what I mean later, cause I don't want to spoil anything, but at this point he very well SHOULD be more developed than Everett.

4. This early in the story that shouldn't be a surprise, though it's good that it's still enjoyable whether you saw it coming or now.

5. This takes place far after GX, so Crowler won't be around. But I got two chapters, who knows? I might just introduce a new character.

AND IT WON'T TAKE 3 WEEKS! At most it'll be 2. I have a paper due on monday and a mid-term the week after, so I may be busy, but I'll try my best to churn out at least another chapter before I get some time to write.
[/quote]

1. Rofl, I'm not sure. 'Twas only a joke.

2. I personally like a variety of stories, and if you actually get rid of the cliche aspects it will only improve the story. That said, it's an enjoyable read so far.

3. I'll take a wait and see approach there.

4. Well you have a unique writing style, and it's definitely good.

5. Yeah, I know. I look forward to seeing what you do with it.

[Umbra]

Alright, I read through the seven chapters that you've posted so far, and to be fair it is an interesting premise. However, there are a few things that I didn't like.

The most prominent player in this category is Everett. From the start, he's described as a god among duelists, to the point where he FTKs [i]every. Single. Participant. [/i]in the amateur league. His deck consists of cards that [b]he [/b]made, because ordinary cards cannot properly contain the divinity that is Everett. For some reason - which appears to be the focal point of the entire story - he drops out, and just walks about doing nothing for two years or so.

The annoying thing is, though, that the characters already know what happened. Other than the person Everett is trying to find, the characters already know what the Big Reveal is, they know why he dropped out. The Reveal won't be a reveal, since everyone already knows what's going on.

Moving on, the whole Duel Academy Graduate League seems like a convoluted plot device, created for the sole reason to get the almighty Everett to humble himself enough to join the Duel Academy. The fact that he completely curbstomps the entrance exams, i.e. completing an impossible Duel Puzzle within seconds of seeing it, as if he had the entire database of cards in the back of his head, doesn't make the story any more enjoyable. The thrown-in justification ("He's been in the amateur league, he's awesome.") doesn't actually justify anything, since what we're seeing here is beyond the level of what any [i]human[/i] can accomplish.

Other than that, the story's enjoyable. I actually find Ryouta to be my favorite among the cast, contrary to what seems to be popular opinion, even if he forgave Everett a bit too quickly after their duel. However, I blame that on Everett's divine powers of charisma rather than Ryouta himself.

In comparison, Leland - while entertaining in places - seems too one-dimensional and a bit of a slacker, a kind of person I've never been able to relate to in the first place. Ryouta, on the other hand, is introduced with a clear goal in mind, and actually follows through on it. Sure, his backstory may not be the best, but it gives his character a solid feel to it.

Overall, the story's entertaining, but you need to tone down Everett a few octaves. Having a Boring Invincible Hero is just that; boring. While he has lost a duel, he threw that one out of pure pity, and he practically has to win the next one; given his deity-status, I'm fairly sure he will, too.

I'll be following this, definitely.

[Agro]

[quote name='Umbra' timestamp='1318185775' post='5570649']
Alright, I read through the seven chapters that you've posted so far, and to be fair it is an interesting premise. However, there are a few things that I didn't like.

The most prominent player in this category is Everett. From the start, he's described as a god among duelists, to the point where he FTKs [i]every. Single. Participant. [/i]in the amateur league. His deck consists of cards that [b]he [/b]made, because ordinary cards cannot properly contain the divinity that is Everett. For some reason - which appears to be the focal point of the entire story - he drops out, and just walks about doing nothing for two years or so.

The annoying thing is, though, that the characters already know what happened. Other than the person Everett is trying to find, the characters already know what the Big Reveal is, they know why he dropped out. The Reveal won't be a reveal, since everyone already knows what's going on.

Moving on, the whole Duel Academy Graduate League seems like a convoluted plot device, created for the sole reason to get the almighty Everett to humble himself enough to join the Duel Academy. The fact that he completely curbstomps the entrance exams, i.e. completing an impossible Duel Puzzle within seconds of seeing it, as if he had the entire database of cards in the back of his head, doesn't make the story any more enjoyable. The thrown-in justification ("He's been in the amateur league, he's awesome.") doesn't actually justify anything, since what we're seeing here is beyond the level of what any [i]human[/i] can accomplish.

Other than that, the story's enjoyable. I actually find Ryouta to be my favorite among the cast, contrary to what seems to be popular opinion, even if he forgave Everett a bit too quickly after their duel. However, I blame that on Everett's divine powers of charisma rather than Ryouta himself.

In comparison, Leland - while entertaining in places - seems too one-dimensional and a bit of a slacker, a kind of person I've never been able to relate to in the first place. Ryouta, on the other hand, is introduced with a clear goal in mind, and actually follows through on it. Sure, his backstory may not be the best, but it gives his character a solid feel to it.

Overall, the story's entertaining, but you need to tone down Everett a few octaves. Having a Boring Invincible Hero is just that; boring. While he has lost a duel, he threw that one out of pure pity, and he practically has to win the next one; given his deity-status, I'm fairly sure he will, too.

I'll be following this, definitely.
[/quote]
Most helpful post in months, thanks Umbra.

yea, I'm working to a point here, which I'll probably reveal sometime after the entrance exams. Not all the characters know why he left, only the Professor, Chancellor, and Everett himself have any idea. Leland and Ryouta (woohoo, someone likes him!) don't.

See, now I have to make him lose... aw.... xD

I love how I'm getting "Leland is one dimensional" and "Leland is the most complex character" from different people. It makes writing all the characters easier.

I might as well say this now so not to many people complain: There is a LOT of stuff going on that you don't know about, but that's something that you won't find out for a bit. ;P

[bilaterus]

I have read this, and I did enjoy its good quality as usual, but I was going to ask for a a little more explanation of Everett's thought processes as well . You know, showing he sweated at least a little bit for that last puzzle.

[Agro]

[quote name='bilaterus' timestamp='1318236896' post='5572233']
I have read this, and I did enjoy its good quality as usual, but I was going to ask for a a little more explanation of Everett's thought processes as well . You know, showing he sweated at least a little bit for that last puzzle.
[/quote]
I tried to avoid going through his head just a bit so that the chapter didn't run on too long. Also, it adds a little air of mystery if you don't know how he came up with it. And even I, genius that I am , don't know how I get to certain conclusions, thought processes are some of the hardest things to put down on pen and paper... or, uh, you know what I mean.

Also: bump

[Agro]

May have posted in the last few hours (sorry Kyubey)

But chapter 8 is now up.

[Divine Chaos]

Not bad again. More characters popping up and Everett's duel are highlights. One thing I find un-amusing are the Duel Monster related jokes (Frog the Jam in Atk mode, Unrestricted L. Six Sams, really?) Yeah, a YGO world revolves around Duels, but adding that to daily humor is pushing it a little.

P.s. Everett'a getting jealous of the new boyfriend. Possible conflict between them later on to win the girl's favor?

[Agro]

[quote name='Divine Chaos' timestamp='1318333820' post='5573899']
Not bad again. More characters popping up and Everett's duel are highlights. One thing I find un-amusing are the Duel Monster related jokes (Frog the Jam in Atk mode, Unrestricted L. Six Sams, really?) Yeah, a YGO world revolves around Duels, but adding that to daily humor is pushing it a little.

P.s. Everett'a getting jealous of the new boyfriend. Possible conflict between them later on to win the girl's favor?
[/quote]
What, you don't like me tossing in a few jokes now and again? Daily? What part of this fic has been daily?

[Divine Chaos]

Har, har. Yeah, humor is fine, but YGO jokes...don't seem right. Enough of that, review my newest chapter!

[Agro]

[quote name='Divine Chaos' timestamp='1318348082' post='5574027']
Har, har. Yeah, humor is fine, but YGO jokes...don't seem right. Enough of that, review my newest chapter!
[/quote]
I would, but I find if I try to read and write at the same time, I get stuck on one and can't do the other. The only reason I was able to get 2 chapters out in 2 weeks this time is that I neglected to read Star's pieces (which I'm assuming he'll get on me about as well). I have mid-terms coming up in the next week, so I don't have too much time to do anything.

[Divine Chaos]

No need to rush it. Life comes first after all.

[IceDorago]

I read the first two chapters to get a feel for the story. I must say, it interests me, and I'll read the other chapters when I get a chance, and I'll be following the story.

It's good so far, but I just seem to have problems with Everett... He has custom cards becuase he can't express his feelings? What? That seems a bit random. Then he vanishes for two years, somehow meeting his friend at the beach? Okay, then...

But honestly, chapter one wasn't really bad, but chapter two confused me a bit. Everett apparently FTKs everyone he duels, yet he suddenly has tons of trouble and nearly loses against someone? And what's with having to get into DA in order to play professionally after the amateurs? If Everett truly is such a godly duelist, wouldn't pro leagues be lining up, begging him to join them over another league?

Pretty nice though, and as I said, I'll be reading on.

[Agro]

[quote name='IceDorago' timestamp='1318544921' post='5578250']
I read the first two chapters to get a feel for the story. I must say, it interests me, and I'll read the other chapters when I get a chance, and I'll be following the story.

It's good so far, but I just seem to have problems with Everett... He has custom cards becuase he can't express his feelings? What? That seems a bit random. Then he vanishes for two years, somehow meeting his friend at the beach? Okay, then...

But honestly, chapter one wasn't really bad, but chapter two confused me a bit. Everett apparently FTKs everyone he duels, yet he suddenly has tons of trouble and nearly loses against someone? And what's with having to get into DA in order to play professionally after the amateurs? If Everett truly is such a godly duelist, wouldn't pro leagues be lining up, begging him to join them over another league?

Pretty nice though, and as I said, I'll be reading on.
[/quote]
Everything will make more sense when we get further into the story Dorago, don't worry.

For everyone else, Chapter 9 is done and will be up on Tuesday, the 18th at the latest (Tuesday will now be the new chapter day).

If anyone else has a review or comments about the last chapter, or the series as a whole, I would love to hear from you. I should let you all know that I do keep a record of everyone's suggestions and comments on what is good and what needs improvements. So don't think you're opinion all goes to waste (though, admittedly, there will be much that does)

[Synchronized]

So I'm all caught up; not sure if I reviewed Chapter 7 or not. So we go from the duel academy entrance tests to a restaurant, some generic commentary on Leland's part and I must say he is somewhat predictable at this point. At first I really liked his character but now he seems way too bland and there's very little creativity there.

Contrary to others, I'm finding Everett to be extremely entertaining. He's definitely being humbled and it looks like he's starting to come around. What he really needs now is a challenging opponent that pretty much destroys him and forces him to play strategically to win.

That said, while his time at Duel Academy won't last much longer, I look forward to the inevitable duel between Teo and Everett.

[Agro]

[quote name='Star' timestamp='1318869970' post='5584067']
So I'm all caught up; not sure if I reviewed Chapter 7 or not. So we go from the duel academy entrance tests to a restaurant, some generic commentary on Leland's part and I must say he is somewhat predictable at this point. At first I really liked his character but now he seems way too bland and there's very little creativity there.

Contrary to others, I'm finding Everett to be extremely entertaining. He's definitely being humbled and it looks like he's starting to come around. What he really needs now is a challenging opponent that pretty much destroys him and forces him to play strategically to win.

That said, while his time at Duel Academy won't last much longer, I look forward to the inevitable duel between Teo and Everett.
[/quote]
Thanks for that, Star. Yeah, Leland is Leland. I was kinda surprised at the start when people were all up on Leland being more enjoyable than Everett for that reason, but at least the main character is becoming more of a main character in your eyes then.

I can't wait for Teo to duel in general, I love the deck I've designed for him and the duels with him should be a lot more active than in the past, which is something I know Saber mentioned when he reviewed the story earlier. (page 2 or 3 I believe).

Anyway, Chapter 9 should be up today or tomorrow, I'm just wrapping up editing it.

[Bahamut - Envoy of the End]

So I finally got round to reading this, or the first chapter anyway.

It's different... yet cliche at the same time, which is weird.

It's good to have a lead character with mystery, suddenly much more interesting, but its feels like kind of the same old mystery in that duelist bursts onto scene to immediate success, is involved in something controversial, then disappears again. Dunno why, but I can just see this guy having a long travelling scarf. Which is random.

Some of the paragraphs were much shorter than they needed to be but that's okay, since most other people go the other way and don't space properly. So it was easy to read. The language used was pretty nice and made it a lot more atmospheric than most opening chapters on here in not a dark way, but a cloudy grey sort of way, like like rainfall before a big storm. (That's supposed to be an analogy for it being good there).

Leel's character seems less cliche; the boy pushed around by ambitious parents who has to do what they want him to do is a decent starting place for someone in his role.

Overall an intriguing start and I will give this more consideration when I'm on my break in a few days.