Guest se15fy Posted August 25, 2011 Report Share Posted August 25, 2011 [spoiler=Prolouge]In a strange library in the back streets of a town in California.....Welcome, young one. I am Eradia. You have delved into a strange branch of History m'boy. The Defenders eh? Yes, right over.....here. Yes right here. Not very accurate, Im afraid. Accuracy is hard to come by in this branch. The book itself? Its a diary of a sort. Shared by them you know. Eh? Oh, no this isnt the only one. There are more. Many more. Do I know anything thats not here? Haha....yes, but nothing you need to know. This is only the beginning. I am old, so old. When you are as old as me, you know when to speak, and what to say. And even then, there are some things better left unsaid. What? An alternate version? As told by the other side? Hmmm.....legend has it there was one, but its long gone. Wait.....please do not take that out of the library. Its the only one in existance. You have noticed that I have no scanner, no library cards, no book return. Thats because these books havent been out of here since they came in. A place thats quiet? Well, almost no-one ever comes here, so the whole place is quiet......but if you insist. Follow me. Yes right through this door. A small room, with a desk and a chair. A rather comfertable one too. And a light. And a bookmark. That is all you need for know. Feel free to come to me if you need anything at all. Yes I know its rather short, but its supposed to be. Chapter One coming soon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted August 25, 2011 Report Share Posted August 25, 2011 SECRET BONUS FOE FICTION OMAKE Im afraid. I love it when stories review themselves for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Cursed Reaction Posted August 25, 2011 Report Share Posted August 25, 2011 Hmm, it's rather too short for me to pinpoint anything yet. Proofread. There's a lot of grammar mistakes which can be avoided here. Looks interesting, but very rough unfortunately. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest se15fy Posted August 25, 2011 Report Share Posted August 25, 2011 Its not supposed to be straightforward. And I'm not a proofreader. (With the exeption of Yugioh, grammer is NOT my strong point) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jolta Posted August 25, 2011 Report Share Posted August 25, 2011 Well, Crab ain't finding anything to critique. The story hasn't even begun. I will wait, although the Prologue was... wierd. So this is sort of a past-story that happens longlongago? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest se15fy Posted August 25, 2011 Report Share Posted August 25, 2011 Not that long. Heh, the idea I have in mind is either going to make people go wuh.... or rage. either way, itll be funny. [spoiler=Chapter One] It was a normal day at high school. My name is Lily, and I am a student at this no-name school. Im 16, I have no boyfriend, and I write a diary. Geez, I need a life. We just finished History which is THE most boring thing in the world and the teacher, Mr. Welton, is even more boring. How long can a guy drone on about the history of London? Well, im yawning myself awake on the way home when someone shouts out my name. "Liiiily! Wait up!" I turn around, and see my friend Rain running up to me. Rain is my best friend. She has long brown hair, dark green eyes, glasses, and is a little on the short side. Oh, I havent told you what I look like. Well, I have long blonde hair, blue eyes, and I like to think I'm tall. Thankfully, I avoided the zit problem, so my face is unmarked. Mom says I'm pretty, but I dont even place 100th at my school. "Whats up?" I asked as Rain came up beside me. "Nothing much." She said. "Extra math homework." "Ow." Every time we walk home, we go by a karate school. The only reason we go by it is that there is a donut shop next to it. And I think Rain likes looking at the boys. Call me weird, but looking at a bunch of sweaty boys in bathrobes? Not my thing. "Hey, Lily, isnt that Jay?" Jay is my brother. He's the same age as me, and we have the same color hair. Jay's is short though. He's taller than me by a few inches, and has almond-colored eyes. And I think Rain has a crush on him. Ew. I looked inside, and, yes it was him. Not very suprising. Jay is a fighting FANATIC, especially medival-style, or martial arts. Him and his friend Kyle came out, talking. Kyle is the same age as us. He has dirty blonde hair, green-brown eyes, and is a little shorter than me, and hates it. So, we had to go say hi. "Whoa, what are you doing here Lil?" Jay asked. I punched him on the arm. I hate it when he calls me Lil. "Getting donuts." I said. "No wonder your getting fat." This time, me and Rain both punched him. "Owwwwww....." Apparently, Kyle was coming home for dinner. Which pissed me off. See, I had asked if Rain could come over about a week ago and all I got was a 'We'll see.'. I complained, saying that I had asked about Rain a week ago, and Jay had asked about Kyle at the last minute. My reward was the plate with the most mushrooms. I hate mushrooms. Well? Like? Now, with this and the Prolouge your probably confused. Dont worry. At the very end of the story, it'll all be cleared up. And if anyone comments on how short the chapters are, they can jump off a cliff. Waste of time, cus nothins gonna change. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bury the year Posted August 26, 2011 Report Share Posted August 26, 2011 ...does anyone read the rules? This is just over half a page. LOCKED. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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