Gabriel Maeso Posted August 18, 2011 Report Share Posted August 18, 2011 =======Termina - Above Clock Town - The Battle on the Moon on the Last Day=============== In a room filled with a strange energy and with the remains of the 4 masked beasts and that room a fight has ended, a cursed beast named The Majora's Wrath had met it's end on the hands of a young boy named Link which used the Mask of an ancient god, The Fierce Deity - Oni, as the damned beast slowly burned itself to ashes, and aparently destroying the tool which brought it to birth, The Majora's Mask, the tool created by it to destroy the earth and all life was beeing turned into a pure mass of energy, the boy removed the mask of Oni and put it behind his shield, hiding from any other who might want the power of such a powerfull instrument. Adter some time the Moon was compeltely destroyed, adn on top of the Clock Tower, the boy spoke with the 4 giants which ware aiding him to hold the moon, the Majora's Mask wasn't destroye, but it couldn't be told to anyone, the only ones who could know about it were the boy and the Giants. On a new day, while all of the people on Termina were having fun and enjoying themselves, in a remoted place on the Termina Field some things were beeing done in secret, the boy gave the Majora's Mask to a man which once had it, a man with a giant bag on his back, filled with diferent masks, once the man left he was never more seen in Termina, the boy continued to carry the mask of Oni wiht him, he then set journey around Termina to try on finding an old friend, but he didn't knew that the Majora's Mask would not give up so easily... =======================10 years after the Battle on the Moon======================== The boy named Link, had grow up, and Termina had changed a lot since the day that could have been the end of all life, nad the boy aswell, he thought that the Mask of Oni didn't had any side effect on him since all his other Spirit Masks didn't do so, but he soon discovered that it wasn't like that, the Mask had made some side effects on him, they grew with time but he changed because fo them, his hair turned grayer, his right eye turned completly white but he could see normaly with it, his body became stronger than a Goron's, he became swift as a Zora, and all over his left arm tatoos apeared. It was another regular day, people were minding theyr own buisness, Link woke up on his room on the Inn on Clock Town, he got up and got prepared to start travelling again, he got out fo the room and locked the door, on the other room you could hear the old man Guru Guru was practicing again, one of the Rosa Sisters was walking on the hallway, she was complanning that she cou;dn't think of a new dance for her and ehr sister, Link got downstairs and met up with Anju and Kafei, the Inn owners, in the lobby, the curse that was once fallen upon Kafei has been lifted by grat fairy some years ago, Link didn't ate breakfast, he just looke and Anju and gave her the key of the room he rented, she looked at him and asked "Oh! You are going already Link?" Link looked at her and said calmly "Yeah. there are still things to do out there." Anju Just smiled and agreed with him, Kafei then pat on Link's shoulder and said "Yo Link! I gto something that will come in handy for you." he then reached right next to the couch and then gave to Link a round Iron Shield and a short sword he then said "I know that you still got your Mirror Shield and that Golden dust Sword, but hey you never know when you might need another blade?" Link smiled and said "Thanks, I'm sure this will be helpfull." Link then put his new sword and shield in place, he say goodbye to Anju and Kafei and took of, he got out by one of Clock Town's gates to Termina, he took of his Ocarina and played a song that he learned on Lon-Lon Ranch years ago the Epona's Song, he then saw coming on his way his Horse, the Epona, at high speed, it run till it got in front of Link, Epona had turned into a impresive, and elegant Adult Horse now, Link got up on it's back and shouting for it to go, Epona stood on it's 2 back legs for a second, and then it ran fast in the Swamp's Direction, Link then thought to himself "The first stop, The Swamp!" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- So that was the introduction on this The Legend of Zelda Majora's Mask Fan Fiction which I'm making, hope you people like it. I will try to post a new chapter as soon as possible. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
~Articuno~ Posted August 18, 2011 Report Share Posted August 18, 2011 There are typos here and there, but other than that it was good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phantom Roxas Posted August 20, 2011 Report Share Posted August 20, 2011 [b]Weather Reports, Foe Fiction. These are what have shown us the writing capability of YCM. That is, very little at all. Do we need more proof of this? Yes, because these are Phantom's Divinations.[/b] [spoiler=16 Candles][color=#a52a2a]Where's the Supreme King!? ;^)[/color] [color=#008080]Hello, Micheal. Or is it Michael? Your creator wasn't entirely consistent with your name. I think "Michæl" would be a fan balance, although I think "Gary" is better suited for the likes of you. As for me, you can simply call me Votek. As for this "Supreme King" you speak of, I've already eliminated him.[/color] [color=#a52a2a]Don't think you're so tough! I'll show you! ;^)[/color] [color=#008080]Really, boy? A "duel"? Such a mundane way to fight your battles. No, in fact, I do not seek to fight you. I simply require your assistance.[/color] [color=#a52a2a]Tell me, how did you defeat the Supreme King!? ;^)[/color] [color=#008080]He simply was not good enough to beat him. Dear boy, I presume you are familiar with the Legend of Zelda universe?[/color] [color=#a52a2a]What does that have to do with anything? Is there a movie theater nearby? ;^)[/color] [color=#008080]Please, you have no right to question anyone about relevance. There is a fan fiction based on the series, and I simply request that you assist me in reading it. Nothing more, nothing less. At the moment, at least.[/color] [color=#a52a2a]Alright, fine. I'll help you.[/color] [color=#008080]A wise decision.[/color] [color=#a52a2a]So, what's this Zelda fic? ;^)[/color] [color=#008080][url="http://forum.yugiohcardmaker.net/topic/260178-the-legend-of-zelda-majoras-mask-shining-corruption/"]"The Legend of Zelda - Majora's Mask - Shining Corruption"[/url], written by one [url="http://forum.yugiohcardmaker.net/user/130130-gabriel-maeso/"]Gabriel Maeso[/url]. Once again, someone cannot even write their own title properly, as it seems quite easy to forget the presence of colons. Unsurprisingly, this is least of the problems plaguing this story.[/color] [color=#a52a2a]Why don't we begin with Chapter 1? ;^) I just remembered, Conan the Barbarian is in theaters. I should go see that.[/color] [color=#008080]There is no Chapter 1, you imbecile. There isn't even a prologue. The author does not provide an introduction, or anything of the sort. He simply begins with the story right away. Admittedly, the thought of that is not necessarily a bad thing, but it is poorly executed.[/color] [i]=======Termina - Above Clock Town - The Battle on the Moon on the Last Day===============[/i] [color=#a52a2a]What's with all the equal signs? ;^)[/color] [color=#008080]Supposedly, it allows the indication of the location to appear more fancy. Naturally, it is entirely unnecessary.[/color] [i]In a room filled with a strange energy and with the remains of the 4 masked beasts and that room a fight has ended, a cursed beast named The Majora's Wrath had met it's end on the hands of a young boy named Link which used the Mask of an ancient god, The Fierce Deity - Oni, as the damned beast slowly burned itself to ashes, and aparently destroying the tool which brought it to birth, The Majora's Mask, the tool created by it to destroy the earth and all life was beeing turned into a pure mass of energy, the boy removed the mask of Oni and put it behind his shield, hiding from any other who might want the power of such a powerfull instrument.[/i] [color=#008080]Do not let your eyes betray you. The entirety of the above is but a single sentence. I suppose I should be kind enough to try and amend this travesty. Then you will be aware of the glaring errors in this story.[/color] [color=#008080]"In a room filled with a strange energy and the remains of the four masked beasts, a fight has ended. A cursed beast named The Majora's Wrath had met its end at the hands of a young boy named Link who used the Mask of an ancient god, The Fierce Deity - Oni. As the damned beast slowly burned itself to ashes, and apparently destroying the tool which brought it to life, The Majora's Mask, the tool created by it to destroy the earth and all life was beeing turned into a pure mass of energy. The boy removed the mask of Oni and put it behind his shield, hiding it from any other who might want the power of such a powerful instrument."[/color] [color=#008080]Michæl, I presume you are familiar with the game, so feel free to address the obvious inconsistencies in this single sentence that is truly four sentences.[/color] [color=#a52a2a]Certainly. ;^) First, "Oni" is just a fan nickname for the Fierce Deity, and it actually has no given name. Second, you say that Majora's Wrath was created and Majora's Mask, and [i]in the exact same sentence[/i], you say the opposite is true as well, even though Majora's Wrath is just a [b]transformation[/b] of the mask, and I think the mask houses Majora's spirit, therefore "Majora's Wrath" simply refers to Majora unleashing its, well, wrath. As for Link hiding the Fierce Deity Mask behind the shield, that's not really subtle.[/color] [color=#008080]You're smarter than I expected, Michæl. I suppose that is due to you're position as high class Gary Stu.[/color] [color=#a52a2a]A what? By the way, did you see the last Harry Potter film?[/color] [i]Adter[/i] [color=#008080]I'm aware that "F" is adjacent to "D" on a keyboard, but I refuse to believe that you did not notice this error. This is simply unprofessional.[/color] [i]some time the Moon was compeltely destroyed, adn on top of the Clock Tower, [/i][i]the boy spoke with the 4 giants which ware aiding him to hold the moon, the Majora's Mask wasn't destroye, but it couldn't be told to anyone, the only ones who could know about it were the boy and the Giants.[/i] [color=#008080]I suppose this is an advantage of not having blood. My eyes would drown in my own blood if I did.[/color] [color=#a52a2a]You don't have blood?[/color] [i]On a new day, while all of the people on Termina were having fun and enjoying themselves, in a remoted place on the Termina Field some things were beeing done in secret, the boy gave the Majora's Mask to a man which once had it, a man with a giant bag on his back, filled with diferent masks, once the man left he was never more seen in Termina,[/i] [color=#a52a2a]I know Link promised to give him the mask, but I don't trust the Happy Mask Salesman. ;^)[/color] [i]the boy continued to carry the mask of Oni wiht him, he then set journey around Termina to try on finding an old friend, but he didn't knew that the Majora's Mask would not give up so easily...[/i] [color=#008080]Must I reiterate how awful the grammar is? I must admit, this actually piques my interest for that very reason. I am sure my master would appreciate the world that you are creating here.[/color] [i]=======================10 years after the Battle on the Moon========================[/i] [i]The boy named Link, had grow up, and Termina had changed a lot since the day that could have been the end of all life, nad the boy aswell, he thought that the Mask of Oni didn't had any side effect on him since all his other Spirit Masks didn't do so, but he soon discovered that it wasn't like that, the Mask had made some side effects on him, they grew with time but he changed because fo them, his hair turned grayer, his right eye turned completly white but he could see normaly with it, his body became stronger than a Goron's, he became swift as a Zora, and all over his left arm tatoos apeared.[/i] [i]It was another regular day, people were minding theyr own buisness, Link woke up on his room on the Inn on Clock Town,[/i] [color=#a52a2a]No one noticed how differently Link looked?[/color] [i]he got up and got prepared to start travelling again,[/i] [color=#008080]So, Link wandered the world for ten years, return to Clock Town, and stayed in the inn? Time skips such as this are lazy and serve no purpose other than to age main characters for the sake of them being older.[/color] [i]he got out fo the room and locked the door, on the other room you could hear the old man Guru Guru was practicing again, one of the Rosa Sisters was walking on the hallway, she was complanning that she cou;dn't think of a new dance for her and ehr sister, Link got downstairs and met up with Anju and Kafei, the Inn owners, in the lobby, the curse that was once fallen upon Kafei has been lifted by grat fairy some years ago,[/i] [color=#a52a2a]So you're just assuming everyone knows what Kafei's curse was? I mean, sure, most people wouldn't read this unless they've played Majora's Mask, but you're just casually mentioning a curse without even explaining it.[/color] [i]Link didn't ate breakfast, he just looke and Anju and gave her the key of the room he rented, she looked at him and asked "Oh! You are going already Link?" Link looked at her and said calmly "Yeah. there are still things to do out there." Anju Just smiled and agreed with him, Kafei then pat on Link's shoulder and said "Yo Link! I gto something that will come in handy for you." he then reached right next to the couch and then gave to Link a round Iron Shield and a short sword he then said "I know that you still got your Mirror Shield and that Golden dust Sword, but hey you never know when you might need another blade?"[/i] [color=#008080]Naturally, this does explain why Kafei gave Link an unnecessary second shield, and I believe that both of Kafei's gifts are rather inferior compared to what Link has.[/color] [color=#a52a2a]YOU IDIOT. ;^) IT'S THE GILDED SWORD YOU MORON. STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID. DON'T THINK YOU'RE THE BEST AT WRITING FANFICS. I'LL SHOW YOU! ;^)[/color] [color=#008080]Cease your whining this instant, you imbecile.[/color] [i]Link smiled and said "Thanks, I'm sure this will be helpfull."[/i] [color=#a52a2a]It's dangerous to go alone.[/color] [color=#008080]I'll shall wait for this Chekhov's-Gun-in-waiting to be entirely useless.[/color] [i]Link then put his new sword and shield in place, he say goodbye to Anju and Kafei and took of, he got out by one of Clock Town's gates to Termina, he took of his Ocarina and played a song that he learned on Lon-Lon Ranch years ago the Epona's Song, he then saw coming on his way his Horse, the Epona, at high speed, it run till it got in front of Link, Epona had turned into a impresive, and elegant Adult Horse now, Link got up on it's back and shouting for it to go, Epona stood on it's 2 back legs for a second, and then it ran fast in the Swamp's Direction, Link then thought to himself "The first stop, The Swamp!"[/i] [color=#008080]Naturally, we won't learn why Link is even bothering to go to the swamp until the second chapter.[/color] [color=#008080]Also naturally, the Gabriel (Who is certainly no angel if he wrote this abomination) had an unnecessary paragraph-sized break after the story, rather than a formal introduction of the thread before unveiling the story.[/color] [i]--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------[/i] [i]So that was the introduction on this The Legend of Zelda Majora's Mask Fan Fiction which I'm making, hope you people like it. I will try to post a new chapter as soon as possible.[/i] [color=#a52a2a]I didn't like it. It was just awful.[/color] [color=#008080]Your grammar was deplorable, and there was no plot present. What little semblance of such was just exposition to summarize the ending of Majora's Mask and having Link ride off into the swamp for absolutely no reason. Readers who wish to continue this story should only do so in the hopes that Gabriel's grammar is at least at the level of a kindergartener or to see if a unique plot actually develops.[/color] [color=#a52a2a]So, how did I do? ;^)[/color] [color=#008080]Passable, which is perfectly fine considering the story.[/color] [color=#a52a2a]What will you do now?[/color] [color=#008080]I have other worlds that require my presence. My master demands such.[/color] [color=#a52a2a]Your master? Who's that?[/color] [color=#008080]Someone you need not concern yourself with, at the moment.[/color] [color=#a52a2a]Can you at least tell me where he is?[/color] [color=#008080]He is on his way. I suspect that when I return to visit you once more, he shall already be here. For now, I bid you farewell, Michæl.[/spoiler][/color] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gabriel Maeso Posted August 21, 2011 Author Report Share Posted August 21, 2011 [quote name='Phantom Roxas' timestamp='1313881656' post='5457804'] [b]Weather Reports, Foe Fiction. These are what have shown us the writing capability of YCM. That is, very little at all. Do we need more proof of this? Yes, because these are Phantom's Divinations.[/b] [spoiler=16 Candles] [color=#A52A2A]Where's the Supreme King!? ;^)[/color] [color=#008080]Hello, Micheal. Or is it Michael? Your creator wasn't entirely consistent with your name. I think "Michæl" would be a fan balance, although I think "Gary" is better suited for the likes of you. As for me, you can simply call me Votek. As for this "Supreme King" you speak of, I've already eliminated him.[/color] [color=#A52A2A]Don't think you're so tough! I'll show you! ;^)[/color] [color=#008080]Really, boy? A "duel"? Such a mundane way to fight your battles. No, in fact, I do not seek to fight you. I simply require your assistance.[/color] [color=#A52A2A]Tell me, how did you defeat the Supreme King!? ;^)[/color] [color=#008080]He simply was not good enough to beat him. Dear boy, I presume you are familiar with the Legend of Zelda universe?[/color] [color=#A52A2A]What does that have to do with anything? Is there a movie theater nearby? ;^)[/color] [color=#008080]Please, you have no right to question anyone about relevance. There is a fan fiction based on the series, and I simply request that you assist me in reading it. Nothing more, nothing less. At the moment, at least.[/color] [color=#A52A2A]Alright, fine. I'll help you.[/color] [color=#008080]A wise decision.[/color] [color=#A52A2A]So, what's this Zelda fic? ;^)[/color] [color=#008080][url="http://forum.yugiohcardmaker.net/topic/260178-the-legend-of-zelda-majoras-mask-shining-corruption/"]"The Legend of Zelda - Majora's Mask - Shining Corruption"[/url], written by one [url="http://forum.yugiohcardmaker.net/user/130130-gabriel-maeso/"]Gabriel Maeso[/url]. Once again, someone cannot even write their own title properly, as it seems quite easy to forget the presence of colons. Unsurprisingly, this is least of the problems plaguing this story.[/color] [color=#A52A2A]Why don't we begin with Chapter 1? ;^) I just remembered, Conan the Barbarian is in theaters. I should go see that.[/color] [color=#008080]There is no Chapter 1, you imbecile. There isn't even a prologue. The author does not provide an introduction, or anything of the sort. He simply begins with the story right away. Admittedly, the thought of that is not necessarily a bad thing, but it is poorly executed.[/color] [i]=======Termina - Above Clock Town - The Battle on the Moon on the Last Day===============[/i] [color=#A52A2A]What's with all the equal signs? ;^)[/color] [color=#008080]Supposedly, it allows the indication of the location to appear more fancy. Naturally, it is entirely unnecessary.[/color] [color=#000080]Actualy, I put those equal signs as a signal that it is a specific place which somehting important is happening.[/color] [i]In a room filled with a strange energy and with the remains of the 4 masked beasts and that room a fight has ended, a cursed beast named The Majora's Wrath had met it's end on the hands of a young boy named Link which used the Mask of an ancient god, The Fierce Deity - Oni, as the damned beast slowly burned itself to ashes, and aparently destroying the tool which brought it to birth, The Majora's Mask, the tool created by it to destroy the earth and all life was beeing turned into a pure mass of energy, the boy removed the mask of Oni and put it behind his shield, hiding from any other who might want the power of such a powerfull instrument.[/i] [color=#008080]Do not let your eyes betray you. The entirety of the above is but a single sentence. I suppose I should be kind enough to try and amend this travesty. Then you will be aware of the glaring errors in this story.[/color] [color=#008080]"In a room filled with a strange energy and the remains of the four masked beasts, a fight has ended. A cursed beast named The Majora's Wrath had met its end at the hands of a young boy named Link who used the Mask of an ancient god, The Fierce Deity - Oni. As the damned beast slowly burned itself to ashes, and apparently destroying the tool which brought it to life, The Majora's Mask, the tool created by it to destroy the earth and all life was beeing turned into a pure mass of energy. The boy removed the mask of Oni and put it behind his shield, hiding it from any other who might want the power of such a powerful instrument."[/color] [color=#008080]Michæl, I presume you are familiar with the game, so feel free to address the obvious inconsistencies in this single sentence that is truly four sentences.[/color] [color=#A52A2A]Certainly. ;^) First, "Oni" is just a fan nickname for the Fierce Deity, and it actually has no given name. Second, you say that Majora's Wrath was created and Majora's Mask, and [i]in the exact same sentence[/i], you say the opposite is true as well, even though Majora's Wrath is just a [b]transformation[/b] of the mask, and I think the mask houses Majora's spirit, therefore "Majora's Wrath" simply refers to Majora unleashing its, well, wrath. As for Link hiding the Fierce Deity Mask behind the shield, that's not really subtle.[/color] [color=#008080]You're smarter than I expected, Michæl. I suppose that is due to you're position as high class Gary Stu.[/color] [color=#A52A2A]A what? By the way, did you see the last Harry Potter film?[/color] [color=#000080]OK, I have some problems with sentences and grammar I admit that. But as far as I have read Oni was the original name of that Mask on the Majora's Mask beta testing in japan. About Majora's Wrath and Majora's Mask, in my oppinion(that is what is making this story) the Mask crafted the Incarnation and Wrath, by unleashing the power it absorved from the masked beasts it created the Incarnation and from Majora's spirit's anguish infused with that body it created the Wrath. And if you look closely, at the game when you kill Majora's Wrath, it is completly turned into dusk, and yet the Mask apears later, intact! So 2 different beeings.[/color] [i]Adter[/i] [color=#008080]I'm aware that "F" is adjacent to "D" on a keyboard, but I refuse to believe that you did not notice this error. This is simply unprofessional.[/color] [color=#000080]Ok, sorry for be thinking about the story more than the grammar, and that my keyboard sucks.[/color] [i]some time the Moon was compeltely destroyed, adn on top of the Clock Tower, [/i][i]the boy spoke with the 4 giants which ware aiding him to hold the moon, the Majora's Mask wasn't destroye, but it couldn't be told to anyone, the only ones who could know about it were the boy and the Giants.[/i] [color=#008080]I suppose this is an advantage of not having blood. My eyes would drown in my own blood if I did.[/color] [color=#A52A2A]You don't have blood?[/color] [i]On a new day, while all of the people on Termina were having fun and enjoying themselves, in a remoted place on the Termina Field some things were beeing done in secret, the boy gave the Majora's Mask to a man which once had it, a man with a giant bag on his back, filled with diferent masks, once the man left he was never more seen in Termina,[/i] [color=#A52A2A]I know Link promised to give him the mask, but I don't trust the Happy Mask Salesman. ;^)[/color] [i]the boy continued to carry the mask of Oni wiht him, he then set journey around Termina to try on finding an old friend, but he didn't knew that the Majora's Mask would not give up so easily...[/i] [color=#008080]Must I reiterate how awful the grammar is? I must admit, this actually piques my interest for that very reason. I am sure my master would appreciate the world that you are creating here.[/color] [i]=======================10 years after the Battle on the Moon========================[/i] [i]The boy named Link, had grow up, and Termina had changed a lot since the day that could have been the end of all life, nad the boy aswell, he thought that the Mask of Oni didn't had any side effect on him since all his other Spirit Masks didn't do so, but he soon discovered that it wasn't like that, the Mask had made some side effects on him, they grew with time but he changed because fo them, his hair turned grayer, his right eye turned completly white but he could see normaly with it, his body became stronger than a Goron's, he became swift as a Zora, and all over his left arm tatoos apeared.[/i] [i]It was another regular day, people were minding theyr own buisness, Link woke up on his room on the Inn on Clock Town,[/i] [color=#A52A2A]No one noticed how differently Link looked?[/color] [color=#000080]Of course they noticed. Did you think that anyone noticed how much you changed when you had grown up? People just got used to it, come on that is common sense![/color] [i]he got up and got prepared to start travelling again,[/i] [color=#008080]So, Link wandered the world for ten years, return to Clock Town, and stayed in the inn? Time skips such as this are lazy and serve no purpose other than to age main characters for the sake of them being older.[/color] [color=#000080]Are you stupid or what? He just lived his live, of course that he traveled around the world, but it is obvious that when needed or when he wanted to he went back to Clock Town, or Zora's Domain, or any of the other places which he had friends or that he knoew that he could go to rest or to heal his wounds.[/color] [i]he got out fo the room and locked the door, on the other room you could hear the old man Guru Guru was practicing again, one of the Rosa Sisters was walking on the hallway, she was complanning that she cou;dn't think of a new dance for her and ehr sister, Link got downstairs and met up with Anju and Kafei, the Inn owners, in the lobby, the curse that was once fallen upon Kafei has been lifted by grat fairy some years ago,[/i] [color=#A52A2A]So you're just assuming everyone knows what Kafei's curse was? I mean, sure, most people wouldn't read this unless they've played Majora's Mask, but you're just casually mentioning a curse without even explaining it.[/color] [color=#000080]Ok I admit that I should had explained about it a bit more so more people could read it and understand it. And if you bring out "but what would peopel think if they sudently seeing Kafei walking around after beeing missing for some time?" Well who were the ones IN THE GAME who knew about his curse? Link, Anju, Kafei's Friend, Skull Kid, the 2 fayries and of course Kafei! The rest of people would just think that he had come back from a trip or something, but I think that they didn't noticed that he was missing because they were more concerned about saving theyr f***ing lives![/color] [i]Link didn't ate breakfast, he just looke and Anju and gave her the key of the room he rented, she looked at him and asked "Oh! You are going already Link?" Link looked at her and said calmly "Yeah. there are still things to do out there." Anju Just smiled and agreed with him, Kafei then pat on Link's shoulder and said "Yo Link! I gto something that will come in handy for you." he then reached right next to the couch and then gave to Link a round Iron Shield and a short sword he then said "I know that you still got your Mirror Shield and that Golden dust Sword, but hey you never know when you might need another blade?"[/i] [color=#008080]Naturally, this does explain why Kafei gave Link an unnecessary second shield, and I believe that both of Kafei's gifts are rather inferior compared to what Link has.[/color] [color=#A52A2A]YOU IDIOT. ;^) IT'S THE GILDED SWORD YOU MORON. STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID. DON'T THINK YOU'RE THE BEST AT WRITING FANFICS. I'LL SHOW YOU! ;^)[/color] [color=#008080]Cease your whining this instant, you imbecile.[/color] [i]Link smiled and said "Thanks, I'm sure this will be helpfull."[/i] [color=#A52A2A]It's dangerous to go alone.[/color] [color=#008080]I'll shall wait for this Chekhov's-Gun-in-waiting to be entirely useless.[/color] [color=#000080]If you have waited for em to finish writing chapter one, which I'm trying to write for the last 2 days, then you would understand why Link would need those itens! God! Have pacience man![/color] [i]Link then put his new sword and shield in place, he say goodbye to Anju and Kafei and took of, he got out by one of Clock Town's gates to Termina, he took of his Ocarina and played a song that he learned on Lon-Lon Ranch years ago the Epona's Song, he then saw coming on his way his Horse, the Epona, at high speed, it run till it got in front of Link, Epona had turned into a impresive, and elegant Adult Horse now, Link got up on it's back and shouting for it to go, Epona stood on it's 2 back legs for a second, and then it ran fast in the Swamp's Direction, Link then thought to himself "The first stop, The Swamp!"[/i] [color=#008080]Naturally, we won't learn why Link is even bothering to go to the swamp until the second chapter.[/color] Also naturally, the Gabriel (Who is certainly no angel if he wrote this abomination) had an unnecessary paragraph-sized break after the story, rather than a formal introduction of the thread before unveiling the story. [color=#000080]Like I said HAVE PACIENCE! I think that you never played any Zelda game before, what you have to do isn't just told to you in the first 10 minutes of gamplay, it takes some time to stuff to enveil themselfs.[/color] [i]--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------[/i] [i]So that was the introduction on this The Legend of Zelda Majora's Mask Fan Fiction which I'm making, hope you people like it. I will try to post a new chapter as soon as possible.[/i] [color=#A52A2A]I didn't like it. It was just awful.[/color] [color=#008080]Your grammar was deplorable, and there was no plot present. What little semblance of such was just exposition to summarize the ending of Majora's Mask and having Link ride off into the swamp for absolutely no reason[/color][color=#000080](YET)[/color][color=#008080]. Readers who wish to continue this story should only do so in the hopes that Gabriel's grammar is at least at the level of a kindergartener[/color][color=#000080](*Sigh!* Pityful!)[/color][color=#008080] or to see if a unique plot actually develops[/color][color=#000080](Remember what i told you about pacience and things beeing unveiled at theyr own times?)[/color][color=#008080].[/color] [color=#A52A2A]So, how did I do? ;^)[/color] [color=#008080]Passable, which is perfectly fine considering the story.[/color] [color=#A52A2A]What will you do now?[/color] [color=#008080]I have other worlds that require my presence. My master demands such.[/color] [color=#A52A2A]Your master? Who's that?[/color] [color=#008080]Someone you need not concern yourself with, at the moment.[/color] [color=#A52A2A]Can you at least tell me where he is?[/color] [color=#008080]He is on his way. I suspect that when I return to visit you once more, he shall already be here. For now, I bid you farewell, Michæl.[/spoiler][/color] [/quote] Well Phantom Roxas I will be true to you now, I stood up against your review, I would like you to read what you have said but now on the quote on this post, and look at the comments on [color=#000080]THIS COLOR[/color], those are what I have to say about what you said. And what kind of a review is that? It looks like a bunch of stupid comments that are made during a soccer, or football games! If you are going to make a review of it at least try to make something well done, something that actualy shows what you had to say about it, something serious and that points the good and bad points of stuff. If you dind't liked what I had said, then rage warn me, I don't care! I will stood up for what I have said and won't change my mind! And if you rage warn me it will only show that you are the kind of person which I most dislike and you will gain an enemy which don't back down. Good day for you Sir! (*sigh* now I'm pissed...) 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Phantom Roxas Posted August 21, 2011 Report Share Posted August 21, 2011 Well this is certainly rare. As such, I shall respond in kind. [spoiler=Spoiler][quote name='Gabriel Maeso' timestamp='1313887134' post='5458039'][i]Actualy, I put those equal signs as a signal that it is a specific place which somehting important is happening.[/i] [color=#0000FF]You simply need to tell us the location so we know the setting. Putting in equal signs to indicate an important event is just stupid.[/color] [i][color=#000080]OK, I have some problems with sentences and grammar I admit that. But as far as I have read Oni was the original name of that Mask on the Majora's Mask beta testing in japan.[/color][/i] [color=#0000ff]Beta testing ≠ Final product, but if you preferred to use Oni, then that's fine. It just seems a bit random.[/color] [i][color=#000080]About Majora's Wrath and Majora's Mask, in my oppinion(that is what is making this story) the Mask crafted the Incarnation and Wrath, by unleashing the power it absorved from the masked beasts it created the Incarnation and from Majora's spirit's anguish infused with that body it created the Wrath. And if you look closely, at the game when you kill Majora's Wrath, it is completly turned into dusk, and yet the Mask apears later, intact! So 2 different beeings.[/color][/i] [color=#0000ff]The mask comes to life. It transforms into the Incarnation. Then it transforms into the Wrath. Just because it turned into dus[b]t[/b] doesn't mean it was restored in a harmless form.[/color] [i][color=#000080]Ok, sorry for be thinking about the story more than the grammar, and that my keyboard sucks.[/color][/i] [color=#0000ff]Oh, your keyboard sucks? Then clearly that it is enough to excuse you for disregarding grammar that could make your story legible.[/color] [i][color=#000080]Of course they noticed. Did you think that anyone noticed how much you changed when you had grown up? People just got used to it, come on that is common sense![/color][/i] [color=#0000ff]The description makes Link sound completely unrecognizable. Shouldn't people be like "Link, that's you!?" He looks vastly different and hardly normal, but this is apparently treated casually.[/color] [i][color=#000080]Are you stupid or what?[/color][/i] [color=#0000ff]How mature of you.[/color] [i][color=#000080]He just lived his live, of course that he traveled around the world, but it is obvious that when needed or when he wanted to he went back to Clock Town, or Zora's Domain, or any of the other places which he had friends or that he knoew that he could go to rest or to heal his wounds.[/color][/i] [color=#0000ff]And yet he returned to Clock Town even though a ten-year journey should have brought him to a different place.[/color] [i][color=#000080]Ok I admit that I should had explained about it a bit m[/color][color=#000080]ore so more people could read it and understand it.[/color][/i] [i][color=#000080]And if you bring out "but what would peopel think if they sudently seeing Kafei walking around after beeing missing for some time?" Well who were the ones IN THE GAME who knew about his curse? Link, Anju, Kafei's Friend, Skull Kid, the 2 fayries and of course Kafei! The rest of people would just think that he had come back from a trip or something, but I think that they didn't noticed that he was missing because they were more concerned about saving theyr f***ing lives![/color][/i] [color=#0000ff]I should have clarified. By "everyone", I was referring to the readers. However, my failure to clarify like this doesn't excuse the fact that you are acting rather immature. Besides, you claim that he was restored thanks to a Great Fairy. If it was that easy, why isn't restored to normal without your help? Killing Majora should have been what made to turn back into an adult.[/color] [i][color=#000080]If you have waited for em to finish writing chapter one,[/color][/i] [color=#0000ff]...This is supposed to be the prologue? I'm quite certain that this is not how prologues work.[/color] [i][color=#000080]which I'm trying to write for the last 2 days, then you would understand why Link would need those itens! God! Have pacience man![/color][/i] [color=#0000FF]Link has a Mirror Shield and a Gilded Sword. I just don't understand why Kafei thought it was necessary to give Link those items. Chekhov's Gun actually refers to an item that is introduced, but is meant to be used much later in the story. I'm aware that they're supposed to be used later here, but I'm predicting that they'll either be pointless at that moment or it will be [/color] [i]Like I said HAVE PACIENCE! [/i] [color=#0000ff]You need to KAWM DOUN.[/color] [i][color=#000080]I think that you never played any Zelda game before, what you have to do isn't just told to you in the first 10 minutes of gamplay,[/color][/i] [color=#0000ff]I think that you think I actually have played a Zelda, but you've decided to resort to accusing me of ignorance to grasp at the straws. I have actually played Ocarina of Time, Majora's Mask, A Link to the Past, both Oracle games, Wind Waker, Phantom Hourglass, and Twilight Princess. My experience with the first two games is so minimal that I don't count them.[/color] [i][color=#000080]it takes some time to stuff to enveil themselfs.[/color][/i] [color=#0000ff]Except they still give you a reason for going somewhere.[/color] [i][color=#008080]What little semblance of such was just exposition to summarize the ending of Majora's Mask and having Link ride off into the swamp for absolutely no reason[/color][color=#000080](YET)[/color][/i][color=#008080][i].[/i][/color] [color=#0000ff]So you're going to put it off until Chapter 2. Fine. Too bad that it just makes Link look like he's going to embark on a New Game Plus for no reason for the sake of some kind of drama.[/color] [i][color=#008080]Readers who wish to continue this story should only do so in the hopes that Gabriel's grammar is at least at the level of a kindergartener[/color][color=#000080](*Sigh!* Pityful!)[/color][/i] [color=#0000ff]I remark that your grammar isn't kindergarten level, and your argument is... to type below kindergarten level?[/color] [i][color=#008080]or to see if a unique plot actually develops[/color][color=#000080](Remember what i told you about pacience and things beeing unveiled at theyr own times?)[/color][color=#008080].[/color][/i] [color=#0000ff]Did you say something? I'm sorry, I was too busy serving as the referee for a race between your story's pacing, a snail, and the time it takes for a PS3 to download a game. As it would turn out, the snail has just finished its third lap.[/color] [i]Well Phantom Roxas I will be true to you now, I stood up against your review, I would like you to read what you have said but now on the quote on this post, and look at the comments on [color=#000080]THIS COLOR[/color], those are what I have to say about what you said.[/i] [color=#0000ff]Of course, you post all this [i]after[/i] I did all that.[/color] [i]And what kind of a review is that? It looks like a bunch of stupid comments that are made during a soccer, or football games![/i] [color=#0000FF]This only applies to the banter between Votek and Michael/Micheal/Michæl, and that's because there's a story these reviews have been building up.[/color] [i]If you are going to make a review of it at least try to make something well done, something that actualy shows what you had to say about it, something serious and that points the good and bad points of stuff.[/i] [color=#0000ff]Atrocious grammar, an absent story with no logic, inaccuracies in the story... What did I miss? I don't care that your keyboard supposedly sucks. It's still your responsibility to fix that.[/color] [i]If you dind't liked what I had said, then rage warn me, I don't care![/i] [color=#0000ff]Considering how you've had to resort to minor flaming and some swearing, I probably could, but that would just be given in to your dare, and I'm content with knowing that your can't take this review in good nature. Crab Helmet and [/color][url="http://forum.yugiohcardmaker.net/user/114148-%e6%a9%9f%e7%9a%87%e7%a5%9e%e9%be%8d%e3%82%a2%e3%82%b9%e3%83%86%e3%83%aa%e3%82%b9%e3%82%af/"][color=#0000ff]機皇神龍アステリスク[/color][/url][color=#0000ff] have reviewed my stories, they addressed what was wrong with my story, and you know what? I appreciated it. I know what I did wrong, and though I won't always address these problems like I should, I at least know that I make the flaws, and strive to eliminate them. You seem to be the kind of person that can't do the same. If someone calls your story horrible, then you'll just lash out. I want to encourage you to do better, but your behavior is just childish. People like you won't change what they've become.[/color] [i]I will stood up for what I have said and won't change my mind![/i] [color=#0000ff]The only solution is to convince them - but convince them of what? Are the changes reversible, that's the point? It would be a labour of Hercules, far beyond me.[/color] [color=#0000ff]In any case, to convince them you'd have to talk to them. And to talk to them I'd have to learn their language. Or they'd have to learn mine.[/color] [i]And if you rage warn me it will only show that you are the kind of person which I most dislike and you will gain an enemy which don't back down. Good day for you Sir![/i] [i](*sigh* now I'm pissed...)[/i] [color=#0000ff]Oh well, too bad! I'll put up a fight against the lot of them, the whole lot of them! I'm the last man left, and I'm staying that way until the end. I'm not capitulating![/color] [color=#0000ff]And the snail has won the race. Alas, it would seem that the PS3 is just barely 7% done with the download. And yet, your story is just as stationary as it was before.[/color][/quote][/spoiler] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gabriel Maeso Posted August 21, 2011 Author Report Share Posted August 21, 2011 *sigh* Wanna know, screw it! I don't know why I'm wasting time like this anyway, I will just do things on my own way, you liking or not. I got better things to do other than sit here and listen to this... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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