Dr. Cakey Posted August 15, 2011 Report Share Posted August 15, 2011 This is a story I wrote, or started writing, about two years ago. I was rereading it, and I thought that while it wasn't very good, it was at least kind of interesting. I almost certainly won't continue it, but if people are interested I'll post another one of the chapters every day or so. I'll start with 2 chapters. NOTE: To make Spirit monsters not terrible, I took the liberty of ignoring their "cannot be Special Summoned" clause. I think there are a few other times I have made minor adjustments to cards because that's how I roll. [spoiler='Chapter 1: Premonitions of Rage'] Chapter 1: Premonitions of Rage Two Duel Runners roared over the arena floor. The arena had obviously been built in an attempt to imitate the famous Kaiba Dome, a venture it had failed. It was far too small, and its walls were rusted and buckled from poor workmanship. The two riders were nearly neck-and-neck as they motored across the arena floor. One of them was defending with two Big Shield Gardnas (100/2600), as well as a copy of Gear Golem the Moving Fortress (800/2200). He also had a ticking Different Dimension Capsule. His opponent, despite leading by more than 2000 Life Points, had no cards on the field. “There’s no way you can break through these defenses!” taunted the defending man. “And don’t forget that Speed Spell - Different Dimension Capsule goes off next turn, which will give me the perfect card to take you down.” “I don’t care what your capsule’s holding,” replied his opponent - a woman with flaming red hair - as she drew. “Because this is over right now! Watch closely,” she warned the crowd, “This is going to be extremely anti-climactic.” With that, she summoned the Inaba White Rabbit (700/500), a monster that attacked directly. The crowd laughed as the tiny rabbit hopped over the Gardnas and whacked the man with its oversized mallet. His Duel Runner spun out, and he nearly crashed into the wall as his victorious opponent began her victory lap. Later… Asuka sat at a table in a dimly-lit bar, staring at her Inaba White Rabbit and shaking her head. “Winning with this guy…” she muttered, “It’s not funny, it’s pathetic.” Sighing, she shuffled her deck and pulled another card; one which made her smile. “Yamata Dragon…that’s a card to win with…fighting a Ryukotsuki, maybe, or Dark Magician…” Still annoyed by her dull duel, she tossed the money for her drink on the table, and left. She jumped onto her Duel Runner parked outside, gunned the motor, and raced down the street. A dark figure on the street turned to watch her pass, then walked to behind the run-down building, where it boarded another Duel Runner. Asuka quickly threaded her way out of the city through various side streets and into the open desert. She pulled off her helmet and accelerated to maximum speed, refreshed and invigorated by the roaring winds. She rode for several minutes before she noticed her pursuer, who was several feet behind in a black Duel Runner. Surprised, she cut her speed and made a sharp turn before shooting deeper into the desert. Her pursuer followed skillfully and quickly began to make up the distance between them. “Duel mode activate. Speed World set on.” Announced her Duel Runner computer, as the onboard holoprojectors emitted the tell-tale dark wave indicating the activation of Speed World. She turned to see a similar wave radiating from her pursuer. [i]That’s one of security’s override programs[/i], she realized. “If it’s a duel you want, that’s what you’ll get.” She said, drawing her cards. [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center][b][u]Asuka LP: 4000 SPC: 0 - ???? LP: 4000 SPC: 0[/u][/b] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] “I’ll start.” Said Asuka, as she drew and their Speed Counters rose accordingly. [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center][b][u]Asuka SPC: 1 - ???? SPC: 1[/u][/b] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] She examined her hand. “Not bad. I’ll start by summoning Izanagi in Attack Mode (2200/1000)!” An ornately dressed warrior with long white hair and a large spear appeared. “I can Special Summon him by removing from play a Spirit monster in my hand, like my Fushi No Tori (1200/0).” She revealed the fiery bird in her hand before removing it. “I’ll also Set a monster in Defense Mode, and a face-down card. That’s all for me.” Her mysterious pursuer then drew. [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center][b][u]Asuka SPC: 2 - ???? SPC: 2[/u][/b] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] “I activate Speed Spell – Speed Sacrifice!” said her pursuer, who had a deep, gravelly voice. “When I have fewer than 6 Speed Counters, I pay Life Points in multiples of 200, and gain Speed Counters equal to the amount I paid divided by 200. In other words, I pay 1200 Life Points - ” His points dropped sharply, “And I gain 6 Speed Counters!” [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center][b][u]Asuka LP: 4000 SPC: 2 - ???? LP: 2800 SPC: 8[/u][/b] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] “Now I summon the Devil Soldier in Attack Mode (1400/1400).” A black-armored man with a skull helmet appeared and pointed his blade at Asuka. “Now I activate the Speed Spell – Final Attack! This card can only be used when I have at least 8 Speed Counters, and it doubles the attack of one of my monsters, as long as it doesn’t attack directly. That monster is also destroyed during the End Phase.” The warrior glowed and doubled in size, now towering over Asuka’s Izanagi. “Now, Devil Soldier attacks Izanagi!” The huge soldier slashed at the warrior, who shattered. [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center][b][u]Asuka LP: 3400 SPC: 2 - ???? LP: 2800 SPC: 8[/u][/b] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] “My final move,” said Asuka’s pursuer, “is to activate Speed Spell – Book of Moon to flip my warrior face-down. As I’m sure you’ve realized, this rids Final Attack of its victim, meaning my Devil Soldier is safe. Turn end.” Asuka drew. [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center][b][u]Asuka SPC: 3 - ???? SPC: 9[/u][/b] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] “I Flip Summon my Maharaghi (1200/1700), which lets me look at the top card of my deck, and keep it there or put it on the bottom.” She picked up the card, Speed Spell – Shift Down, and returned it after a moment. “Next I’ll summon Susano’o (2000/1600).” The dark warrior appeared, holding a jeweled sword that glowed with power. “Now’s my favorite part; I activate my face-down card: the Continuous Trap Spirit’s Gateway!” Her Trap rose, forming a blue portal – a gateway into the Spirit world. “While Spirit’s Gateway is on the field, all Spirit monsters gain 300 ATK during my turn (Maharaghi 1200 ~ 1500, Susano’o 2000 ~ 2300), and I can stop one from returning to my hand through its effect once per turn. Now that that’s out of the way, Maharaghi attacks your Devil Soldier!” The strange bird-statue rose up and bodily smashed the rat’s card, which immediately shattered. “When my Devil Soldier is destroyed by battle, I can Special Summon a DARK Warrior-Type monster from my deck in Attack Position, as long as it has 1500 or less ATK.” Her opponent noted. “I choose to summon another Devil Soldier.” As he spoke, he placed the soldier on the field. “But I still have Susano’o,” Asuka said, “who attacks now!” The dark-skinned warrior raised his sword and slashed the dark warrior, which shattered like the other. [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center][b][u]Asuka LP: 3400 SPC: 3 - ???? LP: 1900 SPC: 9[/u][/b] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] As she expected, a final soldier appeared before she ended the Battle Phase. “I end my turn with a face-down card,” she said, “and now my Spirit monsters return to my hand, but I’ll use Spirit’s Gateway to keep Susano’o on the field.” As she spoke, Spirit’s Gateway glowed, forming an aura around the warrior, though Maharaghi still vanished in a burst of light. Her mysterious pursuer drew, and began to laugh. “Just what I was looking for! I’m going to enjoy this!” [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center][b][u]Asuka LP: 3400 SPC: 4 - ???? LP: 1900 SPC: 10[/u][/b] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] “I Special Summon the Torture Golem (3000/300) in Attack Mode!” He shouted, as a mechanical demon with a giant saw blade on its head appeared – on Asuka’s side of the field. “What did you do? Why’s your golem on my field?” asked Asuka, trying to guess what he might be planning to use it for. “The Torture Golem is a unique monster. It can only be Special Summoned by also giving myself two Torture Tokens (0/0).” He indicated the small blade-headed machines rising up before him. “Tokens that can be used for Tribute.” The man spread his arms wide, and began to chant: [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center][i]Fire and Water[/i] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center][i]Earth and Wind[/i] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center][i]Darkness and Light[/i] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center][i]All shall be laid to ruin[/i] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center][i]Before the ultimate power.[/i] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center][i]Behold the hand of God![/i] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center][i]Come forth, O Raging Spirit [/i][i]gale![/i] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] As the name of the spirit passed his lips, the two Torture Tokens began to spin, as if picked up in a whirlwind. As they rose into the air, they became portals which rotated around one another before merging into one larger portal. It expanded, swallowing up the wind before stretching and transforming into a large winged figure with a hawk’s head. The whole creature was blood red, and when it opened its beak, a dreadful shriek came out. The wind caused by its summoning had blown off the man’s cloak, revealing him. His skin was dark as though covered in soot, and his eyes glowed red. His hair was white, and he was heavily muscled. “The Raging Spirit gale (2500/2500), the last monster you’ll ever see!” laughed the man. “It’s more powerful than every monster in your Deck! This God has chosen me, Durmur, to be its instrument of destruction upon the Earth – now behold its power!” He pointed to his Devil Soldier. “Mighty Raging Spirit! I offer up my monster to you, so that you may unleash your wrath!” as he spoke, the horrid spirit reached out and grabbed the soldier, before swallowing it up. “gale can destroy 1 card I control to destroy up to 2 cards you control – namely, Susano’o and the Torture Golem!” The spirit spread its wings, and glaring energy speared out, vaporizing the two monsters. Without waiting for its master’s orders, it opened its beak and unleashed a blast of power at Asuka. It slammed into her Duel Runner and sent her flying for several feet before she skidded and collapsed in the desert sands. [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center][b][u]Asuka LP: 900 SPC: 1 – Durmur LP: 1900 SPC: 10[/u][/b] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] Durmur stopped some feet away. “Do you surrender?” he asked. “Because my turn’s over.” Asuka, half-caught beneath her Duel Runner, shook her head. “Not…yet,” she gasped unsteadily, “I’m…still in this...” she raised a hand to draw from her deck. “Activate…Trap: Slip Stream.” She said, her voice gaining strength. “This makes…my Speed Counters equal to yours.” [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center][b][u]Asuka LP: 900 SPC: 11 – Durmur LP: 1900 SPC: 11[/u][/b] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] She pulled herself out from under her Duel Runner, then hauled it upright. She swung herself back aboard and gunned the motor. After a heart-stopping second, it launched forward, with Durmur quickly chasing after. “I activate Speed Spell – Shift Down!” she said, “I can remove six of my Speed Counters to draw 2 cards.” [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center][b][u]Asuka LP: 900 SPC: 5 – Durmur LP: 1900 SPC: 11[/u][/b] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] She looked over her four cards carefully. [i]Maharaghi isn’t any use right now[/i], she thought, [i]but...Tsukuyomi and Shield Crush![/i] “I play Tsukuyomi (1100/1400) in Attack Mode!” she shouted, summoning a slight, elfin girl with long blue hair and flowing robes. “When she appears, I can flip 1 monster into face-down Defense Position.” Tsukuyomi glowed with blue light, which flowed from her to the Raging Spirit. Durmur laughed again. “Your combination is obvious: you want to follow up with Shield Crush. However, once per turn, gale can be totally unaffected by a card!” Even as he said it, Tsukuyomi’s energies flowed around the spirit like mist, but nothing happened. Asuka looked at her hand, then back to the field, and then her hand. “I activate the third effect of Spirit’s Gateway! By Tributing 1 monster and negating the gateway’s effects for a turn, I can Special Summon 1 Spirit monster from my hand...like the Dark Dust Spirit!” Tsukuyomi vanished into the Spirit’s Gateway, and from it rushed a gust of sand. Out of the sand lurched a large humanoid figure. It had red skin and a demonic face with long white hair. The gust from the portal intensified, swirling around the entire field. “What’s going on!?” demanded Durmur. Asuka grinned fiercely. “When the Dark Dust Spirit appears on the field, it obliterates every other face-up monster…” the sandstorm parted to reveal the form of the Raging Spirit entombed in sand. The sand squeezed tighter and crushed it. “And since your once-Raging Spirit protected itself already this turn, it’s included in that. Dark Dust Spirit, finish him off!” she shouted. The demon stretched out its arms, sending waves of sand rolling towards Durmur. “No!” He roared as the sand flowed around him. “My Spirit is undefeatable! [i]I[/i] am undefeatable!” [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center][b][u]Asuka LP: 900 – Durmur LP: 0[/u][/b] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] As the duel concluded, Durmur’s vehicle skidded to a stop, and he went flying off it into the sand. Asuka stopped her Duel Runner and ran to him, only to see him vanish in a burst of black fire. She turned to his Duel Runner, which suddenly collapsed into dust. It had been made of…ash. It was only then that she looked back the way she had come. The place where she had been struck by the Raging Spirit’s attack had become a glass crater. Looking at her Duel Runner, she could see that half of it was covered with burn marks. “The attack…” she muttered to herself, “from that spirit...it was…real.” [/spoiler] [spoiler='Chapter 2: Power of Thunder'] Chapter 2: Power of Thunder Asuka quickly checked over her Duel Runner and was relieved to find it was undamaged. Not wanting to take any more time in the desert, she quickly rode back to the city. The next day, she contacted one of her old friends from Duel Academy. He had succeeded in his lifelong dream of flunking, while she dropped out – though that had never been a dream of hers. He had gone on to the domain of theoretical physics from the comfort of his apartment, as well as exploring possible consequences of Momentum Theory. He had told her one time, however, that Momentum was more than a power source. Incorrect rotation of Momentum had caused the Zero Reverse incident and awakened spirits in the Nazca lines. The Crimson Dragon was apparently made of the stuff. There was something about Momentum and Egypt that sounded completely ridiculous, as well. So if there was anyone to ask about the “Raging Spirit”, it was him. “He called it a ‘Raging Spirit’?” “Did you catch its name?” “Could you [i]try[/i] to spell it?” “We can meet at the burger place by the Grand Dome.” When she arrived, Jason was already there. He waved her over, and she sat down with some trepidation – he would either get to the point or he would flirt, and she already had a headache. Fortunately, he chose the former. “I can’t tell you a lot.” He admitted. “But there is a little. The Raging Spirits aren’t as documented as well as the Earthbound Gods, who aren’t as well-documented as the Phantom Demons, who aren’t as well-documented as the Egyptian Gods. And there isn’t really a huge library on the Gods as they pertain to Duel Monsters to begin with.” He paused. “Let me try to go over everything from the beginning…” “You know what Momentum is, basically. A really good energy source, right? And it comes with two rotations, two frequencies, two charges – and we can use the positive, but not the negative. It used to be referred to as Duel Energy, and before that as magic, but it’s all the same. And all the gods are made out of this energy.” “So all these divine creatures are just…power plants?” asked Asuka. “[i]No[/i],” said Jason, and she started at the fierceness in his voice, “It means that every time we tap Momentum, we throw around divine power.” He shrugged. “Whatever. All I really know about the Raging Spirits is that they are formed of both rotations…which doesn’t sound very exciting, but it’s actually...well, it’s hard to describe, but the negative energy of the Earthbound Gods was amazing enough, and a mixture is even more so.” “But I was able to beat it, and I couldn’t imagine trying to take down any of those other gods.” Pointed out Asuka. Jason shrugged. “That’s the bit that doesn’t match up. 2500 ATK isn’t exactly the heights of power…and you said it was a Level 9 monster, but gods have traditionally been Level 10. The best I can guess is that its powers aren’t fully unlocked…although the power of a divine creatures also vary with the abilities of their wielder…or so I am told.” He grinned. “You look starving. I’ll buy you something to eat. My treat.” As she was finishing the last crumbs of her burger, he warned her, “This means you owe me.” “I owe you $2.50…which would probably about cover…” she dug into her pocket and pulled out a card, “…this.” She finished, holding it out to him. Intrigued, Jason took the card. “Is that what I think it is? How did you know?” he asked. Asuka chuckled. “You always needed that to finish up your deck, didn’t you? Didn’t you say if you had some of these you’d never lose to me?” “Oh, absolutely. In fact, with this in my deck…I don’t think I should shame you with a humiliating defeat.” She rolled her eyes. “Whatever you say...” and stood up and left after that. When she got outside, she discovered with some annoyance that it was raining. As she approached her Duel Runner, she saw a young man in a sweatshirt kneeling in front of it. He was trying to steal it. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?” she snapped. The guy jumped and turned around in shock. He held up his hands. “Whoa lady, cool down...I, uh, thought this one was mine.” He said. He was an awful liar. Asuka heard a sound and half-turned, seeing a blond girl coming up behind her. She was dressed much better than her accomplice, and was in midnight black. She wore a black fedora. “Look lady, just let us have the ’Runner, and you can go,” she drawled, “wait, I want those cards, too.” “You know stuff like this is against the law, right?” said Jason, ambling toward them. He was shuffling his cards as if they were a weapon. “Jason, quit trying to play a hero.” Groaned Asuka. “I can deal with this.” The man laughed. “Need your boyfriend’s help?” Asuka whipped out her deck. “You can insult me, you can steal my cards, you can even steal my Duel Runner…but never, [i]never[/i] think he’s my boyfriend!” The girl rolled her eyes. “Whatever. Let’s see if you can deal with me in a duel…you know what, make it a Tag Duel.” Jason cracked his knuckles. “Sounds good. Since we’re getting to know each other, what are your names?” The girl pulled out a compact duel disk, and her companion did the same. “I’m Jess,” she said, “and he’s Marcus…not that you need to know. Now let’s get started!” [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center]Asuka/Jason LP: 8000 – Jess/Marcus LP: 8000 [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] “Winners first,” said Jess, drawing her cards. “and I’ll go with a monster in Defense Mode and…one card face-down. Done.” Asuka shrugged. “I’ll go next, and I’ll lead with Maharaghi (1200/1700).” The bird-like statue appeared. “When it comes out, I can look at the top card of my deck, and keep it there or put it on the bottom.” She picked up the card – Orb of Yasaka – and placed at the bottom. “Next I’ll activate the Double Summon card, so I can bring out my Asura (1700/1200). And he’ll be augmented by the Mirror of Yata, which keeps him on the field even though he’s a Spirit. That’s all…oh, but since it’s the end of my turn, Maharaghi returns to my hand.” Marcus went next. “I’ll go with…Volcanic Edge (1800/1200)! And since I can’t attack this turn, I might as well use his effect, which hits you with 500 points of damage!” The Volcanic Edge, a metallic creature reminiscent of a dinosaur, spat out a ball of fire which hit Asuka. [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center]Asuka/Jason LP: 7500 – Jess/Marcus LP: 8000 [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] Jason went next. “Whoa…this is way better than I expected. I’ll start off with Graceful Charity, which lets me draw three cards as long as I ditch two.” He discarded Batteryman AA and Batteryman D. “So if I now use Battery Charger, I can bring back Batteryman AA (0/0) just by paying 500 Life Points. [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center]Asuka/Jason LP: 7000 – Jess/Marcus LP: 8000 [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] The tiny red battery-bot appeared in a burst of sparks and let out an electronic squeak. Marcus burst out laughing. “What [i]is[/i] that guy?” he asked. Jason grinned. “Pain. Assuming, of course, I give him some buddies, with…Inferno Reckless Summon!” he activated a Spell Card depicting a number of zombies bursting out of the ground. “I can activate this when a monster with 1500 or less ATK is Special Summoned to my side of the field, and it lets me Special Summon all my monsters with the same name from my hand, Deck, or Graveyard.” As he spoke, two more of the red batteries appeared on his field and squeaked. “Oh, but you get to Special Summon extras of your own monsters.” Jason added, and Marcus placed two more Volcanic Edges out in Attack Mode. “Now, let’s just get into the fun part. Batteryman AA gains 1000 ATK for every Batteryman AA I control. Now, since I have three… (0/0 ~ 3000/0) let’s go!” The first Batteryman jumped up and send out an electric shock. It didn’t look very powerful, but it destroyed the Volcanic Edge with ease. [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center]Asuka/Jason LP: 7000 – Jess/Marcus LP: 6800 [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] The second and third Batterymen sent out their own pathetic jolts, destroying their targets. [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center]Asuka/Jason LP: 7000 – Jess/Marcus LP: 4400 [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] He finished up with a face-down card. Jess drew and sighed. “Okay, time for me to fix this up. I activate Lightning Vortex, which lets me toast all of your face-up monsters by discarding a card.” She tossed a Mine Golem, and a blast of lightning rained down, destroying the Batterymen. However, Asuka’s Asura was unharmed. She held up the Mirror of Yata. “When my Asura would be destroyed, Mirror of Yata takes the hit instead.” “Whatever,” snapped Jess, “I Flip Summon my Mine Golem (1000/1900).” The card flipped up and revealed a stocky, tan robot. “I’ll also summon the Monk Fighter (1300/1000).” A muscled, white-haired man with yellow clothes appeared. Jess cracked her knuckles. “Crush him.” The two monsters raced forward and smashed Jason. [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center]Asuka/Jason LP: 5700 – Jess/Marcus LP: 4400 [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] Asuka drew. “Great. I summon out Maharaghi (1200/1700) again, so its effect activates.” She checked the card, which was Yamata Dragon, and returned it. “Now…Asura attacks the Monk Fighter!” The strange, blue-skinned creature swooped forward and smashed the Monk. “Activate Trap!” shouted Jess, “Guidance to Ore! When one of my Rock-Type monsters is destroyed, I can Special Summon one with the same name. Also, I take no Battle Damage from Monk Fighter’s battles.” Asuka grinned. “Doesn’t matter. Asura can attack all of your monsters once each, meaning I can keep knocking them down.” As the second Monk Fighter appeared, the Asura smashed it again, and did the same with the third. Once finished there, it attacked the Mine Golem. It exploded, but the fires reached Asuka and scorched her. [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center]Asuka/Jason LP: 5200 – Jess/Marcus LP: 3700 [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] “When the Mine Golem is destroyed,” explained Jess. “You take 500 damage. And, of course, I get another one because of Guidance to Ore.” Asuka sighed. “OK then. I set one card, Mahraghi returns to my hand, and I end.” Marcus drew. “I’ll show you! I summon Gaia Soul, the Combustible Collective!” A fireball with a large blue eye appeared. “I follow up with Monster Reborn, which I’ll use to bring back my Volcanic Edge! Now attack, both of you!” Gaia Soul attacked first, and so triggered Jason’s trap. The fiery monster exploded. “Reactive Armor,” he explained, “it destroys your attacking monster. I didn’t use it when Jess attacked, because I figured out you were the heavy-hitter.” The Volcanic Edge’s attack continued, however. [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center]Asuka/Jason LP: 3400 – Jess/Marcus LP: 3700 “Now that it’s my turn, I can get back to crushing you. I activate Recycling Batteries, which lets me take back two Thunder-Type monsters from my Graveyard.” He took back two Batteryman AA. “Now I’ll set another one of my little guys in defense, and…one more face-down. I’m good.” Jess snatched her card. “I remove from play one of my Monk Fighters to Special Summon the Gigantes (1900/1000), and then I’ll do it again.” Two red ogre-like creature burst out of the ground and roared. “With that done, my two Gigantes will finish this game up. Attack!” Asuka raised her Trap Card. “Threatening Roar – you can’t attack this turn.” Jess spat. “Ugh…I’m not done yet. I activate the Spell Card Thunder Crash! Now all of my monsters are destroyed, but you take 300 damage for each one.” “That’s what it would do,” said Jason, activating a trap, “if I didn’t have the Counter Trap Magic Drain! This negates your Spell Card, though you can discard another one to cancel out this card.” “Then I’ll throw away Fissure.” Said Jess, removing the card from her hand and placing it in the Graveyard. Thunder Crash then continued, shattering her two Gigantes, as well as the Mine Golem. “Three monsters makes 900 damage, plus 500 damage from the Mine Golem.” [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center]Asuka/Jason LP: 2000 – Jess/Marcus LP: 3700 [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] “I’ll finish with one defensive monster, and one face-down.” “Nice,” Asuka said, drawing her card. “Real nice. I’ll summon the Flame Ruler (1500/1600).” A large man in red robes appeared out of a burst of flame. “Next I’ll use the Spiritual Boundary Spell Card.” She activated a card depicting Kinka-Byo being led on a leash. “This card lets me conduct an extra Normal Summon, as long as I summon a Spirit Monster. Unfortunately, the monster summoned by this is removed from play if it’s returned to my hand. Still, it’s worth it, because I Tribute my Flame Ruler in order to summon the Yamata Dragon (2600/3100)!” The Flame Ruler transformed into a portal, and out of the portal burst eight serpent heads. Eight separate roars sounded out, and then the heads began to fight among themselves. “I’m not an idiot!” snapped Jess. “You need to Tribute two monsters to summon your dragon!” “Actually,” said Asuka, “you are an idiot. Flame Ruler counts as two Tributes, as long as I’m Tribute Summoning a FIRE monster. So you’re just going to have to deal with Yamata Dragon’s attack on Volcanic Edge!” The dragon sent a blast of fire at the Volcanic creature, and then one of the heads swallowed it. [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center]Asuka/Jason LP: 2000 – Jess/Marcus LP: 2900 “As a bonus,” Asuka noted, “When Yamata Dragon attacks, I draw until I have five cards in my hand.” She pulled out four cards. “And my last move will be to activate the Spiritual Energy Settle Machine.” A strange, ancient-looking machine appeared. It let out occasional flashes of energy. “With this, Spirit monsters can’t be returned to the owner’s hand. Of course, I need to discard a card during my End Phase to keep this in play, but I don’t mind.” She discarded Otohime and ended. Marcus drew. “Um…I’ll try my Little Wing-Guard (1400/1800).” As he spoke, a tiny knight with wings on his helm flew in. “He looks kinda stupid, doesn’t he? But he’s handy, because I can switch him to defense even if he attacks. So go ahead, my man, and attack that face-down!” The fluttering knight swooped over to the card and slashed it. A tiny micro-cell battery appeared out of the card. As it was smashed by the knight’s sword, it squeaked piteously. Jason grinned. “That was the Batteryman Micro-Cell (100/100). Micro-cells pack a lot of punch, so much that you can power another battery with them. In other words, I can Special Summon a Level 4 or lower Batteryman from my Deck, as long as it’s not another Micro-cell. I’ll go with Batteryman D (0/1900)!” A large green battery appeared and gave the same kind of squeak as the other Batterymen, but taken down several octaves. “Also, I get to draw a card when my Micro-cell is destroyed by battle.” Marcus switched his Little Wing-Guard to defense and ended. Jason drew and began his turn. “Remember Recycling Batteries? I’ve got two Batteryman AA in my hand, and now I’ll summon both of them through the power of Double Summon!” The two red batteries popped up in a burst of sparks and gave their squeaks. “If you recall, they get 1000 ATK for every Batteryman AA I’ve got (0/0 ~ 2000/0). So let’s go, guys!” One Batteryman shocked the Little Wing-Guard, and the other zapped Marcus directly. [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center]Asuka/Jason LP: 2000 – Jess/Marcus LP: 900 [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] Jess rolled her eyes. “Marcus, you’re pathetic. Lucky for you I can finish this up right now. I’ll play Graceful Charity, so I get three cards, and I discard two. And now I summon the Megarock Dragon (?/?)!” All of the monsters that had been in her Graveyard appeared on the field as boulders. The boulders shook and began to gather together, grinding around until they formed a huge, wingless dragon. “When Megarock Dragon is summoned, I remove from play any number of Rock-Type monsters in my Graveyard, and it gets 700 ATK and DEF for each one. I have three Mine Golems, one Monk Fighter, two Gigantes, and the Small Piece Golem I sent because of Graceful Charity…(?/? ~ 3500/3500) ….you’re finished! Megarock Dragon, attack Batteryman AA!” The rock dragon stepped forward slowly, and bent down to crush the dimunitive battery. Suddenly, an electric current pulsed out of the Batteryman D, altering the dragon’s course so that it attacked the larger battery. Jess hissed. “I’m not done yet! I activate Desperate Battle. I can attack this when I have a monster that has attacked already. It loses 1000 ATK, and it can attack again (3500/3500 ~ 2500/3500)!” The weakened dragon swung its head forward again to destroy a Batteryman AA. The other Batteryman weakened in response (2000/0 ~ 1000/0). [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center]Asuka/Jason LP: 1500 – Jess/Marcus LP: 900 [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] Asuka drew. “You are [i]annoying[/i]. I switch Yamata Dragon to defense, and I’ll set somebody else. Also, I’ll use this card: the Dark Designator. This lets me declare the name of a monster, and if any of you have it, you’ll have to put it in your hand. I’ll go with...um…Batteryman Industrial Strength?” There was silence, and then Jason said, “Hey, I have that now, don’t I?” and took the stated card and added it to his hand. Asuka placed a last face-down card and finished. Marcus then drew. “I’ll finish this up! I switch my Little Wing-Guard to attack and also summon the Giant Orc (2200/0)! Clean them up! The Giant Orc began to lumber toward the Batteryman AA. Jason winced. “Asuka?” he pleaded. “Not yet.” She said, as the Giant Orc smashed apart the battery. [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center]Asuka/Jason LP: 300 – Jess/Marcus LP: 900 [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] As the winged knight swooped down, however, Asuka finally activated her face-down: Defense Draw. “With this handy trap, we take no Battle Damage and I net myself a card.” Marcus’s Giant Orc collapsed into defense after its efforts, and his Little Wing-Guard joined it. “You,” said Jason as he drew, “are done. I remove from play two Batteryman AA in order to whip out…Batteryman Industrial Strength (2600/0)!” The two batteries he identified appeared and jacked into a large gray box, which glowed with power. Juiced up, it raised its head, lowered its wheel and lifted two wires with blades on the end. Jess laughed. “You’ve got a long way to go to beat my Megarock Dragon’s 3500 attack power!” Jason removed Batteryman Micro-cell from his Graveyard. “Not really. Once per turn, Batteryman Industrial Strength can drain the power from one of the Thunder-Types in my Graveyard to destroy 1 monster and 1 Spell or Trap. So I’ll clear your Guidance to Ore and then your Megarock Dragon!” The industrial strength battery grabbed the micro-cell and received its energy before blasting it at Jess’s cards. “With those out of the way,” Jason assured everyone, “We win.” The industrial strength Batteryman let loose an enormous blast of energy at Jess, eliminating the last of her Life Points. [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center]Asuka/Jason LP: 300 – Jess/Marcus LP: 0 [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] “As I thought,” said Jason, excessively pleased with himself, “You needed me to win that after all!” Asuka shook her head, “First of all, you wouldn’t have gotten Batteryman Industrial Strength without my Dark Designator, and second…” she showed him the card she had drawn with Defense Draw. His eyes widened. “The Quick-play Spell Card Spirit Drop. I destroy 1 of my Spirits to destroy two cards on the field.” “Yeah, well…” he tried to come up with a good comeback. “My Batterymen are still cooler!” [/spoiler] Just scroll down for more chapters. [/center][/center] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr. Cakey Posted August 16, 2011 Author Report Share Posted August 16, 2011 Next Chapter. I wonder how the extended character set will display? [spoiler='Chapter 3: Invitation'] Chapter 3: Invitation As Asuka rode back to her apartment, she thought about what she had learned. It wasn’t very much. There was more than one Raging Spirit. These Raging Spirits were formed of both rotations of Momentum, which meant something…maybe they were both Light and Darkness, like Chaos? And they weren’t as powerful, for some reason, as the other gods. The origins of these spirits were still a mystery, as was the reason for their appearance. Particularly troubling was that there was some evidence she was being targeted by them. Why? She had no answers, and there was no way she knew to get them. When Asuka arrived back at her apartment, she found an envelope on her bed. She didn’t remember leaving any letters lying around, especially any with gold trim. She realized someone had broken in solely in order to leave her a message – rather than use the building’s innovative mail slot system. Annoyed but also curious, she opened the envelope. Inside was a crisp white letter, also with gold trim. Dear Duelist, You are cordially invited to the Schroeder Corporation’s 1[sup]st[/sup] Bi-annual Glory Cup Duel Monsters tournament. The Glory Cup is a four-round one-on-one tournament with sixteen participants. Participation in the Glory Cup will entitle one to fifty US dollars in incentives; however, higher placement in the tournament will entitle one to higher value prizes. (The details for first place prize are currently still to be determined, though the value will assuredly exceed one million US dollars.) The Glory Cup will take place in the Kaiba Dome in New Domino City precisely one month from the date you have received this letter. All participants must arrive before ten o’clock AM that day. Accommodations will be provided. Failure to arrive before the specified date and time will result in disqualification. Exceptions will not and cannot be made. Enclosed is a silver card. This card entitles the user to free transportation on city public transit systems. The route is has been pre-set to direct transport to New Domino City’s Kaiba Dome. Attempts to alter this card will result in disqualification. We eagerly await your participation in the tournament. Sincerely, The Glory Cup Staff Following the letter was the aforementioned card, and a list of cards not permitted in the tournament (it included all God Cards, as well as certain limited production cards like Toon monsters, the Golden Castle of Stromberg, and Destiny Heroes). Behind the paperwork was a scrap of paper. It seemed out of place, as it was written on thick, dark paper – it was almost like papyrus. She didn’t recognize the language it was written in. Enjoy the Glory Cup. It shall prove a test of the mettle of you and your kind, as well as the other Chosen who may wield my kind. If you show yourself a match for the Chosen, you shall know the true Raging Gods. Raging Spirit gale [b]NOTE: I don't even know why I put this in here, it was a very silly decision. It was originally written phonetically, in (if I recall correctly) Arabic, actually. The same went for the names of all the Raging Spirits. Apparently here they just display in English.[/b] Asuka strongly suspected this last piece of paper was not part of the Glory Cup invitation. It might just be some kind of prank, but more likely it was something pertaining to the Raging Spirits. There were people in the city who could translate it, but they would want money – the kind of money she couldn’t pay. So she would just have to deal with not knowing what the paper said. Besides, the Glory Cup was just too good to pass up. So it was that Asuka boarded public transit the next day, bound for New Domino City. Even at its high speeds, the distance and frequent stops meant she wouldn’t reach the Kaiba Dome before tomorrow at the earliest. So she settled into an empty seat and began tuning up her deck. She had spent plenty of time doing so for her duels at the Grand Dome and elsewhere, but the pressure of a real tournament made her go through it again. For one thing, she wouldn’t let any of her dislikes be mirrored in her Deck. For example, she hadn’t used Hino-Kagu-Tsuchi (2800/2900) for years, even though it was the strongest Spirit in terms of ATK, because of its effect that forced the opponent to discard all of their cards. Get ridding of one or two cards was one thing, but discarding them all was really just too much in her opinion. She’d also never used the Continuous Spell Card called Next World Reflection, which inflicted 300 damage to the opponent each time a Spirit monster was summoned, because she…on second thought, why [i]wasn’t[/i] that in her deck? The same went for Spirit’s Reverse. She also hadn’t known she owned a second copy of Falling Into Yomi, the Spirit’s Declaration of God. “Pardon me, but that looks like a Spirit deck, there.” Someone observed. Asuka looked up to see an elderly man with graying hair. He wore a slightly faded gray suit. “Excuse me, my name is Paxton. Among those, might you perhaps have the fabled Yata-Garasu card?” Asuka frowned. She did in fact own a copy of Yata-Garasu, and it was not in her deck. Having only 200 ATK, it was after all almost impossible to use outside of the legendary Yata-Garasu Lockdown. “I do have it.” She confirmed after a moment. “But I won’t just give it away.” The man looked affronted. “A street rat like you has no use for rare gems like Yata-Garasu. Do you not know of the Yata-Garasu Lockdown?” She was about to say that of course she did, but the man didn’t pause. “By taking two of the rarest cards in the game – Chaos Emperor Dragon and Yata-Garasu – one can create a situation that your opponent cannot escape, and do so with great ease. I already own the other key card Sangan, so I must have Yata-Garasu!” Asuka realized then how absolutely deluded the man was. The only way to complete the lockdown was with Chaos Emperor Dragon or Ocean Dragon Lord – Neo-Daedalus, which he assumed would naturally walk into his hands once he had the other necessary cards. There were only two known copies of Chaos Emperor Dragon in the whole world: one in the Industrial Illusions archives, and the other held as a KaibaCorp asset along with the Blue-Eyes White Dragons. Neo-Daedalus was easy enough to get, but since it could only be played by Tributing a monster that required two Tributes of its own (and also needed Umi to use its effect), it was fairly useless. “Look,” she said, faking calm, “If I give away something of value, I expect something in return. Not only that, but there are only two Chaos Emperor Dragons, and you can’t get either one, so Yata-Garasu is useless.” “If you won’t hand over the card like you should, how about a duel? If you win, I do have a rare card I could give up.” He took out his deck and showed her white card – a Synchro Monster! Magical Android wasn’t an extremely great card, but it was still useful, as it would be her first Synchro. “Fine.” Said Asuka, taking out her cards and Duel Disk. “Let’s go.” [center]Asuka LP: 4000 – Paxton LP: 4000[/center] [center] “As the challenged, I’ll go first.” Said Asuka as she drew her five cards. “And I’ll begin with a defensive monster and a face-down. That’s all.” Paxton examined his cards a few seconds longer than she felt necessary before making his moves. “I summon the Iron Chain Repairer (1600/1200). And now he’ll attack your face-down!” The muscular man stomped forward and swung his hammer at the card, which flipped up. The hammer connected with a bird-like statue and bounced off. It was Maharaghi (1200/1700). [/center] [center]Asuka LP: 4000 – Paxton LP: 3900[/center] [center] “Maharaghi lets me look at the top card of my deck and leave it or put it on the bottom.” Said Asuka. She picked up the card – Spiritual Energy Settle Machine – and left it there. Paxton set a card and ended his turn. As he did so, Maharaghi transformed into light and returned to Asuka’s hand. “I summon Flame Ruler!” she said, and the fiery man appeared. “Next I activate the card Spiritual Boundary, which lets me Normal Summon again this turn, as long as the monster summoned is a Spirit and I remove from play the monster if it goes to my hand. As such, I tribute Flame Ruler for the great Yamata Dragon (2600/3100)!” The Flame Ruler transformed into a glowing portal, and the eight-headed dragon burst out of it. “Being the powerhouse here, Yamata Dragon attacks your Repairer now!” The dragon swiftly fried and devoured the unhappy repairman. [/center] [center]Asuka LP: 4000 – Paxton LP: 2900[/center] [center] “Since my Yamata Dragon has inflicted damage,” continued Asuka, “I get to draw until I have five cards in my hand. Being so refreshed, I activate the Spiritual Energy Settle Machine.” The ancient-looking device rose out of the ground, sparking with arcane energies. “And I end, so I must discard a card to keep my machine in play.” She discarded Maharaghi and finished. Paxton drew angrily. “I activate the Demon’s Iron Cage.” A spiked cage appeared around Asuka. “Neither of us can attack until your second End Phase after this has been played. Next I activate my face-down card - Call of the Haunted - to revive my Iron Chain Repairer. After that I’ll summon the Iron Chain Coil (1100/1400 Tuner) and use its effect to boost the ATK and DEF of my Iron Chain Repairer by 300 (1600/1200 ~ 1900/1500). Last of all is the Continuous Spell Card known as Poison Chain. During a turn I don’t attack, cards are sent off the top of your Deck equal to the number of Iron Chain monsters I have. So send off two.” Asuka removed Orb of Yasaka and Otohime and sent them to the Graveyard. [/center] [center]Asuka LP: 4000 Deck: 28 – Paxton LP: 2900 Deck: 33[/center] [center] “I hate Mill decks, did you know that?” asked Asuka as she drew. “I remove from play the Maharaghi in my Graveyard to Special Summon the Yamato God (2200/1200) from my hand!” A large man with a black beard and spines in his back appeared in a burst of light. “Then I’ll discard Double Summon to keep my Spiritual Energy Settle Machine in play. I end.” Paxton drew, this time much more pleased with himself. “I summon another Iron Chain Coil, and both of my Coils will add 300 ATK and DEF to the Repairer (1900/1500 ~ 2500/2100). Now I end, meaning you lose three cards.” Asuka discarded her second Yamato Dragon, Defense Draw, and Mirror of Yata. [/center] [center]Asuka LP: 4000 Deck: 24 – Paxton LP: 2900 Deck: 32[/center] [center] “I’ll just...switch my two monsters to defense.” Said Asuka, discarding Fushi no Tori for her machine. As she ended, the Demon’s Iron Cage lit aflame and burned away. Paxton chuckled. “You see what I’ve done? With two Iron Chain Coils I can power my Repairer to beyond the ATK of your Yamata Dragon, therefore…oh, but your dragon’s DEF is 3100, which is just what my Repairer’s ATK is about to become (2500/2100 ~ 3100/2700), so I still can’t destroy it. The only thing I could accomplish would be to destroy Yamato-no-Kami, which wouldn’t be worth doing so as it would eliminate the effect of my Poison Chain. So I end after switching my Coils to defense. And so another three cards are lost to you.” Asuka this time lost Izanami, Susano’o, and Spirit’s Gateway. [/center] [center]Asuka LP: 4000 Deck: 20 – Paxton LP: 2900 Deck: 31[/center] [center] Asuka grinned. “You really should have attacked, and I’ll show you why, right after I summon the Asura (1700/1200) and switch my other two back into Attack Mode. You see, the Yamato God has a very special ability: if it destroys a monster in battle, it can eliminate one of your Spell or Trap Cards. So I begin with his attack!” The deity swept forward and smashed an Iron Chain Coil and then hurled it at Call of the Haunted, destroying it. “Since your Repairer needs the Call of the Haunted to remain on the field, he’s gone.” So saying, a hand reached out from Paxton’s Graveyard and dragged the Repairer away. Asuka continued by attacking the second Iron Chain Coil with the Asura, and then waging a direct attack with the Yamata Dragon. [/center] [center]Asuka LP: 4000 Deck: 17 – Paxton LP: 300 Deck: 31[/center] [center] Being refreshed to a full hand by the effect of her dragon, she discarded Tsukuyomi to keep the Spiritual Energy Settle Machine in play. Sputtering, Paxton drew. “How absolutely preposterous that you could succeed in a move like that! Still, you haven’t beaten me yet, not by a long shot. I summon the Iron Chain Blaster (1100/0) followed by Monster Reborn to bring back a Coil. Now it’s time to show you why I’ll always beat the likes of you: I tune the Level 3 Iron Chain Coil with the Level 3 Iron Chain Blaster to get…the Level 6 Iron Chain Dragon (2500/1300)! Next I’ll equip the beast with Chain Retribution. This can only be equipped to an Iron Chain monster, and raises its ATK by 300 (2500/1300 ~ 2800/1300). Also, when the equipped monster inflicts damage to you, it sends the top two cards of your Deck into the Graveyard. My Iron Chain Dragon sends the top three cards of your Deck to the Graveyard when it inflicts damage as well. Since my Iron Chain Dragon is now so strong, it will eliminate the Yamata Dragon!” The two dragons slammed into each other. For a moment, the Yamata Dragon’s eight heads looked like they might overcome the Iron Chain Dragon, but then the chain of Chain Retribution strangled them. Asuka threw away Spiritual Energy Settle Machine, Hino-Kagu-Tsuchi, Spirit’s Gateway, Falling Into Yomi, and Otohime. [/center] [center]Asuka LP: 3800 Deck: 12 – Paxton LP: 300 Deck: 29[/center] [center] Asuka seemed totally unconcerned as she drew. “I activate Monster Reborn, which I will use to revive…Hino-Kagu-Tsuchi (2800/2900)!” A muscular man with flaming hair appeared out of her Graveyard. “You may recall sending it there just now. I’m sure you realize that if I boost his ATK by just 300, you will lose, so I’ll equip him with Mystic Arms of Nihon.” A blue-white aura surrounded Hino-Kagu-Tsuchi, and his flames turned blue. “Mystic Arms of Nihon can only be equipped to a Spirit, and I can add 1 Orb of Yasaka, Mirror of Yata, or Sword of Kusanagi when it inflicts damage to you. Oh, right, the equipped monster also gains 400 ATK (2800/2900 ~ 3200/2900). Anyway, Hino-Kagu-Tsuchi toasts you.” The fiery man pulled back his fist, which became surrounded by fire, and hit the Iron Chain Dragon with a ferocious right hook, destroying it. [/center] [center]Asuka LP: 3800 – Paxton LP: 0[/center] [center] “What!?” shouted Paxton, dropping to his knees. “Impossible! How could a street rat like you beat me?” Asuka looked at him unsympathetically. “Probably because your deck sucks. Now if you could hand over that card you promised…?” Paxton stood up haughtily. “Card? I don’t recall promising any card. Are you trying to exto – ” “Excuse me sir, but I was observing the duel, and I must disagree.” Said a male voice from several feet away. Asuka and Paxton both turned to see the train conductor – a distinguished-looking man in a blue suit – coming toward them. “I couldn’t help but overhear that you had indeed wagered a card against her Yata-Garasu. You didn’t name it, but I did see a white frame. Did you wager that Iron Chain Dragon?” Asuka shook her head. “Of course not – that would hurt his deck. He just put up a Magical Android he had lying around.” “I protest this!” said Paxton angrily. “How can you possibly side with a street rat like her rather than a resident of New Domino City Tops like I?” The conductor looked at him coldly. “We are not in New Domino City now, sir. I would request that you uphold your promise or I will have to ask you to leave.” Grumbling, Paxton pulled out Magical Android and handed it to Asuka. He then stalked off, still muttering darkly. “I must apologize, ma’am.” Said the conductor. “However, I also must request that you refrain from using Solid Vision while on public transit, as it disturbs passengers.” “Right.” Said Asuka. “Sorry.” Once the conductor left, she held up Magical Android and smiled. “I have a [i]Synchro[/i]!” she said happily. [/spoiler][/center] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Not-so-Radiant Arin Posted August 17, 2011 Report Share Posted August 17, 2011 August 16, 2011. I've come across this fan-fic posted by this weird Japanese Guy's name in which I have no idea how to pronounce. It is obviously clear that he likes this name, as he has stuck with it throughout his YCM experience, being a five-star with 3,000 some odd posts. I look at the title glaringly, and it is called "Yu-Gi-Oh! Raging Gods". I was bored at the time, so I figured, "hey, why don't I give it a shot". So here is my delightful adventure into this fan-fic. [spoiler='Chapter 1']Chapter 1: Premonitions of Rage Two Duel Runners roared over the arena floor. The arena had obviously been built in an attempt to imitate the famous Kaiba Dome, a venture it had failed. [b]So KaibaCorp failed at something? When does this take place? That's an unusual thing to say about the greatest Duel Monsters Company that ever lived in the YGO universe.[/b] It was far too small, and its walls were rusted and buckled from poor workmanship. [b]Great. So we know we are in a run-down, choppy, outdated, falling apart Dueling Arena. But for what purpose?[/b] The two riders were nearly neck-and-neck as they motored across the arena floor. One of them was defending with two Big Shield Gardnas (100/2600), as well as a copy of Gear Golem the Moving Fortress (800/2200). He also had a ticking Different Dimension Capsule. His opponent, despite leading by more than 2000 Life Points, had no cards on the field. [b]HOLD UP! Is this a Turbo Duel? How would that be possible if this was a Turbo Duel? There is no such thing as a "Speed Spell - Different Dimension Capsule".[/b] “There’s no way you can break through these defenses!” taunted the defending man. “And don’t forget that Speed Spell - Different Dimension Capsule goes off next turn, which will give me the perfect card to take you down.” [b]I see. So this obviously takes place with unknown cards that most players would not be familiar with. If this were the case, then why didn't the author spoil the effect of the card right after the paragraph break. Something is very strange indeed. A NOTE FOR FUTURE REFERENCE: If you are using Custom Cards, it would be advisable to use spoilers to spoil the text right after the paragraph the card was used. Anyways, moving on.[/b] “I don’t care what your capsule’s holding,” replied his opponent - a woman with flaming red hair - as she drew. “Because this is over right now! Watch closely,” she warned the crowd, “This is going to be extremely anti-climactic.” [b]NO!!!!! THOSE ARE THE WORST KINDS OF DUELS!![/b] With that, she summoned the Inaba White Rabbit (700/500), a monster that attacked directly. The crowd laughed as the tiny rabbit hopped over the Gardnas and whacked the man with its oversized mallet. His Duel Runner spun out, and he nearly crashed into the wall as his victorious opponent began her victory lap. Later… [b]Wait a minute. Now we've just suddenly switched gears and went to a totally different scenario. Plot Jump Twists FTW. /sarcasm[/b] Asuka sat at a table in a dimly-lit bar, staring at her Inaba White Rabbit and shaking her head. “Winning with this guy…” she muttered, “It’s not funny, it’s pathetic.” [b]If she thought it was pathetic, then why did she use it in the first place? Make something more demanding of the character, I say! Fie upon no creativity.[/b] Sighing, she shuffled her deck and pulled another card; one which made her smile. “Yamata Dragon…that’s a card to win with…fighting a Ryukotsuki, maybe, or Dark Magician…” [b]LOL! How does "Dark Magician" compare to Yamata Dragon or the other Spirit Monsters that you just labeled. NOTE FOR FUTURE REFERENCE: It would be nice to put single quotations around the monster's name if it is mentioned in the character's dialogue, and double quotes when it is used by it's lonesome.[/b] Still annoyed by her dull duel, she tossed the money for her drink on the table, and left. She jumped onto her Duel Runner parked outside, gunned the motor, and raced down the street. A dark figure on the street turned to watch her pass, then walked to behind the run-down building, where it boarded another Duel Runner. [b]Are we talking a potential stalker duel, here? Dun, dun, DDDDUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!![/b] Asuka quickly threaded her way out of the city through various side streets and into the open desert. [b]Why, for the love of Petunia, is she going to the desert? Does she want to die of dehydration and sleep with wolves, coincidentally which only exist as harmless Children's Trading Cards?[/b] She pulled off her helmet and accelerated to maximum speed, refreshed and invigorated by the roaring winds. She rode for several minutes before she noticed her pursuer, who was several feet behind in a black Duel Runner. Surprised, she cut her speed and made a sharp turn before shooting deeper into the desert. Her pursuer followed skillfully and quickly began to make up the distance between them. “Duel mode activate. Speed World set on.” [b]I knew it. I'm such a genius, aren't I?[/b] Announced her Duel Runner computer, as the onboard holoprojectors emitted the tell-tale dark wave indicating the activation of Speed World. She turned to see a similar wave radiating from her pursuer. [i]That’s one of security’s override programs[/i], she realized. “If it’s a duel you want, that’s what you’ll get.” She said, drawing her cards. [u][b][u]Asuka LP: 4000 SPC: 0 - ???? LP: 4000 SPC: 0[/u][/b][/u] “I’ll start.” Said Asuka, as she drew and their Speed Counters rose accordingly. [u][b][u]Asuka SPC: 1 - ???? SPC: 1[/u][/b][/u] [b][u]OH DEAR GOODNESS, NO! YOU DON'T GAIN SPEED COUNTERS ON THE FIRST STANDBY PHASE!! [/u][/b] She examined her hand. “Not bad. I’ll start by summoning Izanagi in Attack Mode (2200/1000)!” An ornately dressed warrior with long white hair and a large spear appeared. “I can Special Summon him by removing from play a Spirit monster in my hand, like my Fushi No Tori (1200/0).” She revealed the fiery bird in her hand before removing it. “I’ll also Set a monster in Defense Mode, and a face-down card. That’s all for me.” [b]Wait, don't they go back to the hand now? Someone call the Cheat Police!![/b] Her mysterious pursuer then drew. [u][b][u]Asuka SPC: 2 - ???? SPC: 2[/u][/b][/u] “I activate Speed Spell – Speed Sacrifice!” said her pursuer, who had a deep, gravelly voice. “When I have fewer than 6 Speed Counters, I pay Life Points in multiples of 200, and gain Speed Counters equal to the amount I paid divided by 200. In other words, I pay 1200 Life Points - ” His points dropped sharply, “And I gain 6 Speed Counters!” [u][b][u]Asuka LP: 4000 SPC: 2 - ???? LP: 2800 SPC: 8[/u][/b][/u] [b]So it's obvious that we are dealing with some guy who is using cards that most people aren't accustomed to usually seeing. AGAIN: Spoilers. And before you go, "but I wrote this two years ago, whah, whah", shut up, because there is no excuse for you not to spoil cards. It's simple. Special BBCode-->>Spoiler-->>Spoil to your heart's content.[/b] “Now I summon the Devil Soldier in Attack Mode (1400/1400).” A black-armored man with a skull helmet appeared and pointed his blade at Asuka. [b]Uh-ohs! Another custom card! SPOIL TIME!![/b] “Now I activate the Speed Spell – Final Attack! This card can only be used when I have at least 8 Speed Counters, and it doubles the attack of one of my monsters, as long as it doesn’t attack directly. That monster is also destroyed during the End Phase.” The warrior glowed and doubled in size, now towering over Asuka’s Izanagi. “Now, Devil Soldier attacks Izanagi!” [b]Wait a minute. What's Devil Soldier's new attack? You can't keep the reader guessing like that, because most of us are probably idiots who flunked our math classes. For the ones that didn't, like me, I congratulate you, but YOU, as the writer, plays an important role in keeping the reader focused and on-track with stat changes to monsters.[/b] The huge soldier slashed at the warrior, who shattered. [u][b][u]Asuka LP: 3400 SPC: 2 - ???? LP: 2800 SPC: 8[/u][/b][/u] “My final move,” said Asuka’s pursuer, “is to activate Speed Spell – Book of Moon to flip my warrior face-down. As I’m sure you’ve realized, this rids Final Attack of its victim, meaning my Devil Soldier is safe. Turn end.” [b]NOT AGAIN! SPOILER TIME![/b] Asuka drew. [u][b][u]Asuka SPC: 3 - ???? SPC: 9[/u][/b][/u] “I Flip Summon my Maharaghi (1200/1700), which lets me look at the top card of my deck, and keep it there or put it on the bottom.” She picked up the card, Speed Spell – Shift Down, and returned it after a moment. “ [b]So now it's a good idea to use Real Cards? The one thing that might be important here, and the one thing that might make or break this fan-fic of yours: Hyperlinks. ALWAYS provide Hyperlinks for those real-life cards so that we can distinguish what is real and what is made-up.[/b] Next I’ll summon Susano’o (2000/1600).” The dark warrior appeared, holding a jeweled sword that glowed with power. “Now’s my favorite part; I activate my face-down card: the Continuous Trap Spirit’s Gateway!” Her Trap rose, forming a blue portal – a gateway into the Spirit world. “While Spirit’s Gateway is on the field, all Spirit monsters gain 300 ATK during my turn (Maharaghi 1200 ~ 1500, Susano’o 2000 ~ 2300), and I can stop one from returning to my hand through its effect once per turn. Now that that’s out of the way, Maharaghi attacks your Devil Soldier!” [b]Alright, I can tell that the duel is moving along progressively smoothly.[/b] The strange bird-statue rose up and bodily smashed the rat’s card, which immediately shattered. “When my Devil Soldier is destroyed by battle, I can Special Summon a DARK Warrior-Type monster from my deck in Attack Position, as long as it has 1500 or less ATK.” Her opponent noted. “I choose to summon another Devil Soldier.” As he spoke, he placed the soldier on the field. [b]Double trouble is BAADDD!! /sarcasm[/b] “But I still have Susano’o,” Asuka said, “who attacks now!” The dark-skinned warrior raised his sword and slashed the dark warrior, which shattered like the other. [u][b][u]Asuka LP: 3400 SPC: 3 - ???? LP: 1900 SPC: 9[/u][/b][/u] As she expected, a final soldier appeared before she ended the Battle Phase. “I end my turn with a face-down card,” she said, “and now my Spirit monsters return to my hand, but I’ll use Spirit’s Gateway to keep Susano’o on the field.” As she spoke, Spirit’s Gateway glowed, forming an aura around the warrior, though Maharaghi still vanished in a burst of light. Her mysterious pursuer drew, and began to laugh. “Just what I was looking for! I’m going to enjoy this!” [b][u]Uh-oh. Don't keep us in the dark.......[/u][/b] [u][b][u]Asuka LP: 3400 SPC: 4 - ???? LP: 1900 SPC: 10[/u][/b][/u] “I Special Summon the Torture Golem (3000/300) in Attack Mode!” He shouted, as a mechanical demon with a giant saw blade on its head appeared – on Asuka’s side of the field. “What did you do? Why’s your golem on my field?” asked Asuka, trying to guess what he might be planning to use it for. [b]He's going to torture you, duh. And your supposed to be the smart main character who always top-decks at the last second? /shakehead[/b] “The Torture Golem is a unique monster. It can only be Special Summoned by also giving myself two Torture Tokens (0/0).” He indicated the small blade-headed machines rising up before him. “Tokens that can be used for Tribute.” The man spread his arms wide, and began to chant: [b]OH SNAP! WE GOT ME A SYNCHRO SUMMON. ORS A REEEAAALLLY POWERFUL MONSTER![/b] [i]Fire and Water[/i] [i]Earth and Wind[/i] [i]Darkness and Light[/i] [i]All shall be laid to ruin[/i] [i]Before the ultimate power.[/i] [i]Behold the hand of God![/i] [i]Come forth, O Raging Spirit [/i][i]gale![/i] [b]LOL. NEVER HEARD OF THIS CARD! SPOIL TIME!!![/b] As the name of the spirit passed his lips, the two Torture Tokens began to spin, as if picked up in a whirlwind. As they rose into the air, they became portals which rotated around one another before merging into one larger portal. It expanded, swallowing up the wind before stretching and transforming into a large winged figure with a hawk’s head. The whole creature was blood red, and when it opened its beak, a dreadful shriek came out. The wind caused by its summoning had blown off the man’s cloak, revealing him. His skin was dark as though covered in soot, and his eyes glowed red. His hair was white, and he was heavily muscled. [b]So we finally figure out who the stalker is. Umm, wait, who is that?[/b] “The Raging Spirit gale (2500/2500), the last monster you’ll ever see!” laughed the man. “It’s more powerful than every monster in your Deck! This God has chosen me, Durmur, to be its instrument of destruction upon the Earth – now behold its power!” [b]Durmur sounds like a really interesting villain name. /sarcasm[/b] He pointed to his Devil Soldier. “Mighty Raging Spirit! I offer up my monster to you, so that you may unleash your wrath!” as he spoke, the horrid spirit reached out and grabbed the soldier, before swallowing it up. “gale can destroy 1 card I control to destroy up to 2 cards you control – namely, Susano’o and the Torture Golem!” [b]So we have a Scrap Twin Dragon copy off? Not to mention that IT IS THE SAME LEVEL! Honestly, originality is key within a fan-fic. Try to vary the level of the monsters and their effects.[/b] The spirit spread its wings, and glaring energy speared out, vaporizing the two monsters. Without waiting for its master’s orders, it opened its beak and unleashed a blast of power at Asuka. It slammed into her Duel Runner and sent her flying for several feet before she skidded and collapsed in the desert sands. [u][b][u]Asuka LP: 900 SPC: 1 – Durmur LP: 1900 SPC: 10[/u][/b][/u] Durmur stopped some feet away. “Do you surrender?” he asked. “Because my turn’s over.” Asuka, half-caught beneath her Duel Runner, shook her head. “Not…yet,” she gasped unsteadily, “I’m…still in this...” she raised a hand to draw from her deck. “Activate…Trap: Slip Stream.” She said, her voice gaining strength. “This makes…my Speed Counters equal to yours.” [b]So.......is she still on her Duel Runner...........but she crashed........................therefore, the Duel is automatically over because of the fact that she crashed............. /logicfail[/b] [u][b][u]Asuka LP: 900 SPC: 11 – Durmur LP: 1900 SPC: 11[/u][/b][/u] She pulled herself out from under her Duel Runner, then hauled it upright. She swung herself back aboard and gunned the motor. After a heart-stopping second, it launched forward, with Durmur quickly chasing after. [b]So she was able to get back up just fine after almost fatally crashing her Duel Runner in the desrt sands, most likely inhabited by wolves which are merely representations of Children's Trading Cards? I don't think I've seen that in a main character yet.[/b] “I activate Speed Spell – Shift Down!” she said, “I can remove six of my Speed Counters to draw 2 cards.” [b]Again? We've seen that card already. It is advisable only to use seconds of cards only if they are really popular, or if they are meta-ish to the current list, like for example, Formula Synchron. Everyone knows what that is. Most people might not get what Speed Spell - Shift Down is, but good thing you explained it so detailed the first time.[/b] [u][b][u]Asuka LP: 900 SPC: 5 – Durmur LP: 1900 SPC: 11[/u][/b][/u] She looked over her four cards carefully. [i]Maharaghi isn’t any use right now[/i], she thought, [i]but...Tsukuyomi and Shield Crush![/i] [b]Wait, what's the strategy here?[/b] “I play Tsukuyomi (1100/1400) in Attack Mode!” she shouted, summoning a slight, elfin girl with long blue hair and flowing robes. “When she appears, I can flip 1 monster into face-down Defense Position.” Tsukuyomi glowed with blue light, which flowed from her to the Raging Spirit. Durmur laughed again. “Your combination is obvious: you want to follow up with Shield Crush. However, once per turn, gale can be totally unaffected by a card!” Even as he said it, Tsukuyomi’s energies flowed around the spirit like mist, but nothing happened. [b]AND THE TRUTH IS REVEALED! WE HAVE AN UBELIEVABLY BROKEN CARD BEING USED BY A VILLAIN? Where have I heard this before? Oh, probably from all of the fan-fics that end up being flops for using "too many broken cards".[/b] Asuka looked at her hand, then back to the field, and then her hand. “I activate the third effect of Spirit’s Gateway! By Tributing 1 monster and negating the gateway’s effects for a turn, I can Special Summon 1 Spirit monster from my hand...like the Dark Dust Spirit!” [b]Card Effect Switch FTW! /sarcasm[/b] Tsukuyomi vanished into the Spirit’s Gateway, and from it rushed a gust of sand. Out of the sand lurched a large humanoid figure. It had red skin and a demonic face with long white hair. The gust from the portal intensified, swirling around the entire field. “What’s going on!?” demanded Durmur. Asuka grinned fiercely. “When the Dark Dust Spirit appears on the field, it obliterates every other face-up monster…” the sandstorm parted to reveal the form of the Raging Spirit entombed in sand. The sand squeezed tighter and crushed it. “And since your once-Raging Spirit protected itself already this turn, it’s included in that. Dark Dust Spirit, finish him off!” she shouted. The demon stretched out its arms, sending waves of sand rolling towards Durmur. “No!” He roared as the sand flowed around him. “My Spirit is undefeatable! [i]I[/i] am undefeatable!” [b][u]So, still intent on saying that even after you got your ass handed to you? I see bright things within your path of villainy.... /sarcasm[/u][/b] [u][b][u]Asuka LP: 900 – Durmur LP: 0[/u][/b][/u] As the duel concluded, Durmur’s vehicle skidded to a stop, and he went flying off it into the sand. Asuka stopped her Duel Runner and ran to him, only to see him vanish in a burst of black fire. She turned to his Duel Runner, which suddenly collapsed into dust. It had been made of…ash. It was only then that she looked back the way she had come. The place where she had been struck by the Raging Spirit’s attack had become a glass crater. Looking at her Duel Runner, she could see that half of it was covered with burn marks. “The attack…” she muttered to herself, “from that spirit...it was…real.” [/spoiler] [b]Okay, first of all, good job. I hardly spotted any Grammar mistakes, and this is the first fan-fic that I have thoroughly reviewed like this. Consider yourself very lucky, my fan-fic friend. The overall complaint that I have with this story is definitely trying to blend your custom cards into the real cards. There's a reason that spoilers are so popular. I will also say that the dialogue in this Chapter was very one-sided, and it did not seem to bring the characters alive. Don't use contractions. I think I spotted a couple in this chapter, or probably from the fact that I was reviewing using them, but don't use them. Why, you might ask? It's the number one sign of laziness in a writer, and no one likes laziness. So do not use them. Space all of your words out. To end this fantastic review, let me quote something from my favorite book of all time about how to make your characters sound more natural in your fan-fic. This part, from Oscar Collier's book "How to Write and Sell your First Novel" is called "How do you make people sound natural in a novel?" Enjoy.[/b] [quote] HOW DO YOU MAKE PEOPLE SOUND NATURAL IN A NOVEL? (How do real people talk? They talk like you. They talk like me. They don't always finish sentences. They speak in fragments. They seldom make long statements. It's usually short comments with dangling participles and dangling emotions tossed back and forth that is the real stuff of dialogue between two people.) And if one seems to be launching into a long speech, the other is apt to say "Shut up, darling, I've heard that before."[/quote] [b]This is especially true for fan-fics, generally, as everyone knows the same common genre and the same common people. Right, moving along now.[/b] [quote] How your characters talk will also depend on the part of the country or way of life they come from. A Western rancher is apt to be taciturn. A Southern girl might be bubbly, a Hollywood matron who is openly materialistic. Here's how Joseph Hansen renders light sexual banter between two gay men in his detective novel, [i]Gravedigger.[/i] "Look at that," Cecil said, poking the omelette with his fork. "What is [i]in[/i] there, man?" "Avocado," Dave said. "and cheese." "Oh, wow." Cecil took a mouthful. His eyes widened. He opened his mouth and panted "Hot!" he gasped. "You wouldn't like it cold," Dave said. He pushed the basket of corn bread at him. "You want to play 'detective' with me today, or do you have things to do?" "Only thing I have to do is you," Cecil said. "Forever. From now on, all right?" "All right." Dave smiled. "But I won't hold you to it." "Hold me," Cecil said. "Any way you want. Only the last time I played detective with you, you nearly got killed..." [/quote] [b]In this example, there is a lot of dialogue in this scene that really emotionally grips you and makes you wonder, "those characters really look real." I did not feel the same way when I was reading through this piece of work. I think if you worked on that, it'll come out to be an amazing piece of work.[/b] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr. Cakey Posted August 17, 2011 Author Report Share Posted August 17, 2011 Bored. Will respond. [quote name='Devil's Advocate' timestamp='1313550283' post='5449347'] August 16, 2011. I've come across this fan-fic posted by this weird Japanese Guy's name in which I have no idea how to pronounce. It is obviously clear that he likes this name, as he has stuck with it throughout his YCM experience, being a five-star with 3,000 some odd posts. I look at the title glaringly, and it is called "Yu-Gi-Oh! Raging Gods". I was bored at the time, so I figured, "hey, why don't I give it a shot". So here is my delightful adventure into this fan-fic. [i]Uh, I guess my responses will be in italics. If you care (which you don't), I used to be Dr. Cakey and am Dr. Cakey most other places. There was a brief fad where people changed their names to Japanese cards, starting with the Egyptians gods, then the Legendary Planets. I picked Kikoushinryu Asuterisuku/Imperial Machine God Asterisk/Meklord Astro Dragon Asterisk. And now you know. And knowing is half the battle.[/i] [spoiler='Chapter 1']Chapter 1: Premonitions of Rage Two Duel Runners roared over the arena floor. The arena had obviously been built in an attempt to imitate the famous Kaiba Dome, a venture it had failed. [b]So KaibaCorp failed at something? When does this take place? That's an unusual thing to say about the greatest Duel Monsters Company that ever lived in the YGO universe.[/b] [i]Okay, I'm not quite sure where you're confused. Either you're interpreting this arena to be made by Kaiba Corp, or you're interpreting that the Kaiba Dome was a failure. My bad, I guess.[/i] It was far too small, and its walls were rusted and buckled from poor workmanship. [b]Great. So we know we are in a run-down, choppy, outdated, falling apart Dueling Arena. But for what purpose?[/b] The two riders were nearly neck-and-neck as they motored across the arena floor. One of them was defending with two Big Shield Gardnas (100/2600), as well as a copy of Gear Golem the Moving Fortress (800/2200). He also had a ticking Different Dimension Capsule. His opponent, despite leading by more than 2000 Life Points, had no cards on the field. [b]HOLD UP! Is this a Turbo Duel? How would that be possible if this was a Turbo Duel? There is no such thing as a "Speed Spell - Different Dimension Capsule".[/b] “There’s no way you can break through these defenses!” taunted the defending man. “And don’t forget that Speed Spell - Different Dimension Capsule goes off next turn, which will give me the perfect card to take you down.” [b]I see. So this obviously takes place with unknown cards that most players would not be familiar with. If this were the case, then why didn't the author spoil the effect of the card right after the paragraph break. Something is very strange indeed. A NOTE FOR FUTURE REFERENCE: If you are using Custom Cards, it would be advisable to use spoilers to spoil the text right after the paragraph the card was used. Anyways, moving on.[/b] [i]Yes, generally the card should be in spoilers or, better yet, use this website's namesake and make the card yourself. That's actually what I've done in [shamelessplug]Yu-Gi-Oh! 5D's: Second Ride[/shamelessplug]. But Crab Helmet has pointed out something quite valid in his reviews: what is the point of giving a card's text when the character is about to explain what it does?[/i] [i]Also, director's commentary: There's another draft of this where I made Speed Spell - Different Dimension Capsule into a Continuous Trap called Future Pod. Not sure where that draft went.[/i] “I don’t care what your capsule’s holding,” replied his opponent - a woman with flaming red hair - as she drew. “Because this is over right now! Watch closely,” she warned the crowd, “This is going to be extremely anti-climactic.” [b]NO!!!!! THOSE ARE THE WORST KINDS OF DUELS!![/b] With that, she summoned the Inaba White Rabbit (700/500), a monster that attacked directly. The crowd laughed as the tiny rabbit hopped over the Gardnas and whacked the man with its oversized mallet. His Duel Runner spun out, and he nearly crashed into the wall as his victorious opponent began her victory lap. Later… [b]Wait a minute. Now we've just suddenly switched gears and went to a totally different scenario. Plot Jump Twists FTW. /sarcasm[/b] Asuka sat at a table in a dimly-lit bar, staring at her Inaba White Rabbit and shaking her head. “Winning with this guy…” she muttered, “It’s not funny, it’s pathetic.” [b]If she thought it was pathetic, then why did she use it in the first place? Make something more demanding of the character, I say! Fie upon no creativity.[/b] Sighing, she shuffled her deck and pulled another card; one which made her smile. “Yamata Dragon…that’s a card to win with…fighting a Ryukotsuki, maybe, or Dark Magician…” [b]LOL! How does "Dark Magician" compare to Yamata Dragon or the other Spirit Monsters that you just labeled. NOTE FOR FUTURE REFERENCE: It would be nice to put single quotations around the monster's name if it is mentioned in the character's dialogue, and double quotes when it is used by it's lonesome.[/b] [i]Dark Magician -> played King of Games -> epic? Sure. I dunno, you don't have to work that hard to be more impressive than Gear Golem the Moving Fortress.[/i][i] NOTE FOR FUTURE REFERENCE: Why would I do that? I don't know anyone who does. To what point and purpose would I make such an endeavor?[/i] Still annoyed by her dull duel, she tossed the money for her drink on the table, and left. She jumped onto her Duel Runner parked outside, gunned the motor, and raced down the street. A dark figure on the street turned to watch her pass, then walked to behind the run-down building, where it boarded another Duel Runner. [b]Are we talking a potential stalker duel, here? Dun, dun, DDDDUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!![/b] Asuka quickly threaded her way out of the city through various side streets and into the open desert. [b]Why, for the love of Petunia, is she going to the desert? Does she want to die of dehydration and sleep with wolves, coincidentally which only exist as harmless Children's Trading Cards?[/b] She pulled off her helmet and accelerated to maximum speed, refreshed and invigorated by the roaring winds. She rode for several minutes before she noticed her pursuer, who was several feet behind in a black Duel Runner. Surprised, she cut her speed and made a sharp turn before shooting deeper into the desert. Her pursuer followed skillfully and quickly began to make up the distance between them. “Duel mode activate. Speed World set on.” [b]I knew it. I'm such a genius, aren't I?[/b] Announced her Duel Runner computer, as the onboard holoprojectors emitted the tell-tale dark wave indicating the activation of Speed World. She turned to see a similar wave radiating from her pursuer. [i]That’s one of security’s override programs[/i], she realized. “If it’s a duel you want, that’s what you’ll get.” She said, drawing her cards. [u][b][u]Asuka LP: 4000 SPC: 0 - ???? LP: 4000 SPC: 0[/u][/b][/u] “I’ll start.” Said Asuka, as she drew and their Speed Counters rose accordingly. [u][b][u]Asuka SPC: 1 - ???? SPC: 1[/u][/b][/u] [b][u]OH DEAR GOODNESS, NO! YOU DON'T GAIN SPEED COUNTERS ON THE FIRST STANDBY PHASE!! [/u][/b] [i]OH DEAR GOODNESS, YOU ARE CORRECT! In the World Championship games you do, however. Thus, the source of my error.[/i] She examined her hand. “Not bad. I’ll start by summoning Izanagi in Attack Mode (2200/1000)!” An ornately dressed warrior with long white hair and a large spear appeared. “I can Special Summon him by removing from play a Spirit monster in my hand, like my Fushi No Tori (1200/0).” She revealed the fiery bird in her hand before removing it. “I’ll also Set a monster in Defense Mode, and a face-down card. That’s all for me.” [b]Wait, don't they go back to the hand now? Someone call the Cheat Police!![/b] [i][img]http://images.wikia.com/yugioh/images/b/b2/IzanagiTDGS-EN-SR-1E.png[/img][/i] [i]I protest, my good man.[/i] Her mysterious pursuer then drew. [u][b][u]Asuka SPC: 2 - ???? SPC: 2[/u][/b][/u] “I activate Speed Spell – Speed Sacrifice!” said her pursuer, who had a deep, gravelly voice. “When I have fewer than 6 Speed Counters, I pay Life Points in multiples of 200, and gain Speed Counters equal to the amount I paid divided by 200. In other words, I pay 1200 Life Points - ” His points dropped sharply, “And I gain 6 Speed Counters!” [u][b][u]Asuka LP: 4000 SPC: 2 - ???? LP: 2800 SPC: 8[/u][/b][/u] [b]So it's obvious that we are dealing with some guy who is using cards that most people aren't accustomed to usually seeing. AGAIN: Spoilers. And before you go, "but I wrote this two years ago, whah, whah", shut up, because there is no excuse for you not to spoil cards. It's simple. Special BBCode-->>Spoiler-->>Spoil to your heart's content.[/b] “Now I summon the Devil Soldier in Attack Mode (1400/1400).” A black-armored man with a skull helmet appeared and pointed his blade at Asuka. [b]Uh-ohs! Another custom card! SPOIL TIME!![/b] “Now I activate the Speed Spell – Final Attack! This card can only be used when I have at least 8 Speed Counters, and it doubles the attack of one of my monsters, as long as it doesn’t attack directly. That monster is also destroyed during the End Phase.” The warrior glowed and doubled in size, now towering over Asuka’s Izanagi. “Now, Devil Soldier attacks Izanagi!” [b]Wait a minute. What's Devil Soldier's new attack? You can't keep the reader guessing like that, because most of us are probably idiots who flunked our math classes. For the ones that didn't, like me, I congratulate you, but YOU, as the writer, plays an important role in keeping the reader focused and on-track with stat changes to monsters.[/b] [i]Yes, you're right. For anyone wondering, 1400 ATK x 2 = 2800 ATK.[/i] The huge soldier slashed at the warrior, who shattered. [u][b][u]Asuka LP: 3400 SPC: 2 - ???? LP: 2800 SPC: 8[/u][/b][/u] “My final move,” said Asuka’s pursuer, “is to activate Speed Spell – Book of Moon to flip my warrior face-down. As I’m sure you’ve realized, this rids Final Attack of its victim, meaning my Devil Soldier is safe. Turn end.” [b]NOT AGAIN! SPOILER TIME![/b] Asuka drew. [u][b][u]Asuka SPC: 3 - ???? SPC: 9[/u][/b][/u] “I Flip Summon my Maharaghi (1200/1700), which lets me look at the top card of my deck, and keep it there or put it on the bottom.” She picked up the card, Speed Spell – Shift Down, and returned it after a moment. “ [b]So now it's a good idea to use Real Cards? The one thing that might be important here, and the one thing that might make or break this fan-fic of yours: Hyperlinks. ALWAYS provide Hyperlinks for those real-life cards so that we can distinguish what is real and what is made-up.[/b] [i]Why? Of what importance is it that the card is real or custom (incidentally, the only card so far that was custom is Devil Soldier. Final Attack is in the anime, and Book of Moon is in the World Championship games)? I'm not disagreeing that I should show the card's details, by why is that so important?[/i] Next I’ll summon Susano’o (2000/1600).” The dark warrior appeared, holding a jeweled sword that glowed with power. “Now’s my favorite part; I activate my face-down card: the Continuous Trap Spirit’s Gateway!” Her Trap rose, forming a blue portal – a gateway into the Spirit world. “While Spirit’s Gateway is on the field, all Spirit monsters gain 300 ATK during my turn (Maharaghi 1200 ~ 1500, Susano’o 2000 ~ 2300), and I can stop one from returning to my hand through its effect once per turn. Now that that’s out of the way, Maharaghi attacks your Devil Soldier!” [b]Alright, I can tell that the duel is moving along progressively smoothly.[/b] The strange bird-statue rose up and bodily smashed the rat’s card, which immediately shattered. “When my Devil Soldier is destroyed by battle, I can Special Summon a DARK Warrior-Type monster from my deck in Attack Position, as long as it has 1500 or less ATK.” Her opponent noted. “I choose to summon another Devil Soldier.” As he spoke, he placed the soldier on the field. [b]Double trouble is BAADDD!! /sarcasm[/b] “But I still have Susano’o,” Asuka said, “who attacks now!” The dark-skinned warrior raised his sword and slashed the dark warrior, which shattered like the other. [u][b][u]Asuka LP: 3400 SPC: 3 - ???? LP: 1900 SPC: 9[/u][/b][/u] As she expected, a final soldier appeared before she ended the Battle Phase. “I end my turn with a face-down card,” she said, “and now my Spirit monsters return to my hand, but I’ll use Spirit’s Gateway to keep Susano’o on the field.” As she spoke, Spirit’s Gateway glowed, forming an aura around the warrior, though Maharaghi still vanished in a burst of light. Her mysterious pursuer drew, and began to laugh. “Just what I was looking for! I’m going to enjoy this!” [b][u]Uh-oh. Don't keep us in the dark.......[/u][/b] [u][b][u]Asuka LP: 3400 SPC: 4 - ???? LP: 1900 SPC: 10[/u][/b][/u] “I Special Summon the Torture Golem (3000/300) in Attack Mode!” He shouted, as a mechanical demon with a giant saw blade on its head appeared – on Asuka’s side of the field. “What did you do? Why’s your golem on my field?” asked Asuka, trying to guess what he might be planning to use it for. [b]He's going to torture you, duh. And your supposed to be the smart main character who always top-decks at the last second? /shakehead[/b] “The Torture Golem is a unique monster. It can only be Special Summoned by also giving myself two Torture Tokens (0/0).” He indicated the small blade-headed machines rising up before him. “Tokens that can be used for Tribute.” The man spread his arms wide, and began to chant: [b]OH SNAP! WE GOT ME A SYNCHRO SUMMON. ORS A REEEAAALLLY POWERFUL MONSTER![/b] [i]Fire and Water[/i] [i]Earth and Wind[/i] [i]Darkness and Light[/i] [i]All shall be laid to ruin[/i] [i]Before the ultimate power.[/i] [i]Behold the hand of God![/i] [i]Come forth, O Raging Spirit [/i][i]gale![/i] [b]LOL. NEVER HEARD OF THIS CARD! SPOIL TIME!!![/b] As the name of the spirit passed his lips, the two Torture Tokens began to spin, as if picked up in a whirlwind. As they rose into the air, they became portals which rotated around one another before merging into one larger portal. It expanded, swallowing up the wind before stretching and transforming into a large winged figure with a hawk’s head. The whole creature was blood red, and when it opened its beak, a dreadful shriek came out. The wind caused by its summoning had blown off the man’s cloak, revealing him. His skin was dark as though covered in soot, and his eyes glowed red. His hair was white, and he was heavily muscled. [b]So we finally figure out who the stalker is. Umm, wait, who is that?[/b] “The Raging Spirit gale (2500/2500), the last monster you’ll ever see!” laughed the man. “It’s more powerful than every monster in your Deck! This God has chosen me, Durmur, to be its instrument of destruction upon the Earth – now behold its power!” [b]Durmur sounds like a really interesting villain name. /sarcasm[/b] [i]It is a really terrible name. I've hated it since the moment I created him. That would probably explain why he is the butt-monkey of the group of villains.[/i] He pointed to his Devil Soldier. “Mighty Raging Spirit! I offer up my monster to you, so that you may unleash your wrath!” as he spoke, the horrid spirit reached out and grabbed the soldier, before swallowing it up. “gale can destroy 1 card I control to destroy up to 2 cards you control – namely, Susano’o and the Torture Golem!” [b]So we have a Scrap Twin Dragon copy off? Not to mention that IT IS THE SAME LEVEL! Honestly, originality is key within a fan-fic. Try to vary the level of the monsters and their effects.[/b] [i]Heh heh, Raging Spirit Gale was in a Word document before Scrap Twin Dragon was a twinkle in Konami's eye. Very odd coincidence that they're the same level...[/i] The spirit spread its wings, and glaring energy speared out, vaporizing the two monsters. Without waiting for its master’s orders, it opened its beak and unleashed a blast of power at Asuka. It slammed into her Duel Runner and sent her flying for several feet before she skidded and collapsed in the desert sands. [u][b][u]Asuka LP: 900 SPC: 1 – Durmur LP: 1900 SPC: 10[/u][/b][/u] Durmur stopped some feet away. “Do you surrender?” he asked. “Because my turn’s over.” Asuka, half-caught beneath her Duel Runner, shook her head. “Not…yet,” she gasped unsteadily, “I’m…still in this...” she raised a hand to draw from her deck. “Activate…Trap: Slip Stream.” She said, her voice gaining strength. “This makes…my Speed Counters equal to yours.” [b]So.......is she still on her Duel Runner...........but she crashed........................therefore, the Duel is automatically over because of the fact that she crashed............. /logicfail[/b] [i]Want to know how old this is? I wrote this chapter before Yusei vs. Kiryu.[/i] [u][b][u]Asuka LP: 900 SPC: 11 – Durmur LP: 1900 SPC: 11[/u][/b][/u] She pulled herself out from under her Duel Runner, then hauled it upright. She swung herself back aboard and gunned the motor. After a heart-stopping second, it launched forward, with Durmur quickly chasing after. [b]So she was able to get back up just fine after almost fatally crashing her Duel Runner in the desrt sands, most likely inhabited by wolves which are merely representations of Children's Trading Cards? I don't think I've seen that in a main character yet.[/b] “I activate Speed Spell – Shift Down!” she said, “I can remove six of my Speed Counters to draw 2 cards.” [b]Again? We've seen that card already. It is advisable only to use seconds of cards only if they are really popular, or if they are meta-ish to the current list, like for example, Formula Synchron. Everyone knows what that is. Most people might not get what Speed Spell - Shift Down is, but good thing you explained it so detailed the first time.[/b] [i]Um...no. She used Maharaghi to check the top card of her deck, and confirmed it was Shift Down. In this story, Maharaghi exists basically to make the main character's ass-pulls not look like ass-pulls.[/i] [u][b][u]Asuka LP: 900 SPC: 5 – Durmur LP: 1900 SPC: 11[/u][/b][/u] She looked over her four cards carefully. [i]Maharaghi isn’t any use right now[/i], she thought, [i]but...Tsukuyomi and Shield Crush![/i] [b]Wait, what's the strategy here?[/b] “I play Tsukuyomi (1100/1400) in Attack Mode!” she shouted, summoning a slight, elfin girl with long blue hair and flowing robes. “When she appears, I can flip 1 monster into face-down Defense Position.” Tsukuyomi glowed with blue light, which flowed from her to the Raging Spirit. Durmur laughed again. “Your combination is obvious: you want to follow up with Shield Crush. However, once per turn, gale can be totally unaffected by a card!” Even as he said it, Tsukuyomi’s energies flowed around the spirit like mist, but nothing happened. [b]AND THE TRUTH IS REVEALED! WE HAVE AN UBELIEVABLY BROKEN CARD BEING USED BY A VILLAIN? Where have I heard this before? Oh, probably from all of the fan-fics that end up being flops for using "too many broken cards".[/b] [i]Having a broken divine card is not what causes a fanfic to flop. What's absurd is when someone puts all their effort into a god that [/i]isn't[i] broken. I recall reading one fanfic where the villain summoned Rainbow Dark Dragon (not exactly a god, but having "Ultimate Gem God" in its OCG name is pretty close...and by pretty close I mean it's a god), and it got Bottomless Trap Hole'd. Basically, the god's brokenness serves to answer the question, "but why didn't they use Smashing Ground/Dark Hole/Lightning Vortex/etc.?"[/i] Asuka looked at her hand, then back to the field, and then her hand. “I activate the third effect of Spirit’s Gateway! By Tributing 1 monster and negating the gateway’s effects for a turn, I can Special Summon 1 Spirit monster from my hand...like the Dark Dust Spirit!” [b]Card Effect Switch FTW! /sarcasm[/b] [i]I can't believe I ever created a card with such silly design. It does these things...but when you really want it to, it'll do this other thing![/i] Tsukuyomi vanished into the Spirit’s Gateway, and from it rushed a gust of sand. Out of the sand lurched a large humanoid figure. It had red skin and a demonic face with long white hair. The gust from the portal intensified, swirling around the entire field. “What’s going on!?” demanded Durmur. Asuka grinned fiercely. “When the Dark Dust Spirit appears on the field, it obliterates every other face-up monster…” the sandstorm parted to reveal the form of the Raging Spirit entombed in sand. The sand squeezed tighter and crushed it. “And since your once-Raging Spirit protected itself already this turn, it’s included in that. Dark Dust Spirit, finish him off!” she shouted. The demon stretched out its arms, sending waves of sand rolling towards Durmur. “No!” He roared as the sand flowed around him. “My Spirit is undefeatable! [i]I[/i] am undefeatable!” [b][u]So, still intent on saying that even after you got your ass handed to you? I see bright things within your path of villainy.... /sarcasm[/u][/b] [u][b][u]Asuka LP: 900 – Durmur LP: 0[/u][/b][/u] As the duel concluded, Durmur’s vehicle skidded to a stop, and he went flying off it into the sand. Asuka stopped her Duel Runner and ran to him, only to see him vanish in a burst of black fire. She turned to his Duel Runner, which suddenly collapsed into dust. It had been made of…ash. It was only then that she looked back the way she had come. The place where she had been struck by the Raging Spirit’s attack had become a glass crater. Looking at her Duel Runner, she could see that half of it was covered with burn marks. “The attack…” she muttered to herself, “from that spirit...it was…real.” [/spoiler] [b]Okay, first of all, good job. I hardly spotted any Grammar mistakes, and this is the first fan-fic that I have thoroughly reviewed like this. Consider yourself very lucky, my fan-fic friend. The overall complaint that I have with this story is definitely trying to blend your custom cards into the real cards. There's a reason that spoilers are so popular. I will also say that the dialogue in this Chapter was very one-sided, and it did not seem to bring the characters alive. Don't use contractions. I think I spotted a couple in this chapter, or probably from the fact that I was reviewing using them, but don't use them. Why, you might ask? It's the number one sign of laziness in a writer, and no one likes laziness. So do not use them. Space all of your words out. To end this fantastic review, let me quote something from my favorite book of all time about how to make your characters sound more natural in your fan-fic. This part, from Oscar Collier's book "How to Write and Sell your First Novel" is called "How do you make people sound natural in a novel?" Enjoy.[/b] [b]This is especially true for fan-fics, generally, as everyone knows the same common genre and the same common people. Right, moving along now.[/b] [b]In this example, there is a lot of dialogue in this scene that really emotionally grips you and makes you wonder, "those characters really look real." I did not feel the same way when I was reading through this piece of work. I think if you worked on that, it'll come out to be an amazing piece of work.[/b] [i]Incidentally, dialogue is still not my strong suit.[/i] [i]In summation, I felt that this review was decent but not extraordinary. It was successful in pointing out flaws, but it made one or two mistakes and some odd suggestions. I felt the lack of brackets around the /sarcasm tags really detracted from the - Oh. Wait.[/i] [i]Oh, and by the way, you're wrong. Even if I made the dialogue sparkle, this story would still be pretty bad.[/i] [/quote] On that note, read another chapter! [spoiler='Chapter 4: The Academy Aces'] With a Synchro Monster, she began to add Tuners as necessary. After great deliberation, she inserted Dark Resonator (1300/300 Lv. 3) and Clairvoyance (1200/400 Lv. 2). She never had to test it out, as no one else spoke to her on the trip. New Domino City was…well, it was New Domino City. It was enormous! The massive tower of the Public Security Maintenace Bureau dominated the skyline, and the Kaiba Dome gleamed in the morning light. The train passed quickly through Tops before diving toward ground level and the Dome. As it glided to a stop before the sparkling Kaiba Dome, Asuka got off and entered the dome itself. The inside was less impressive, as if they decided to start spending reasonable amounts of money once the exterior was complete. Several posters were hung up in the lobby advertising the upcoming Glory Cup. It featured a showdown between the Black Feather – Armored Wing and Thought Ruler Archfiend. [i]Not a fair fight[/i], thought Asuka, [i]Armored Wing will just ignore the hit. Next turn, he’ll just summon another monster, use Armored Wing’s effect, and – since the effect doesn’t target - kill Thought Ruler. The wonders of advertising[/i]. Still considering the relative merits of Psychics and Black Feathers, she located the main desk and walked to it. As no duels were scheduled, there was no line and the clerk was busy with the week’s crossword. She looked up as Asuka approached. “Can I help you?” asked the clerk. “Yeah, I got an invitation to the Glory Cup and I wanted to register.” Said Asuka. The clerk nodded and turned to the computer. “I’ll need to scan your invitation letter and you’ll be registered for the tournament.” Asuka handed over the letter and the clerk scanned it through the computer before handing it back. “You’ve been fully confirmed and registered. Rooms for the contestants are on the fifth floor. Your room is…509.The silver transit card also functions as your room key. Enjoy your stay at the Kaiba Dome, and good luck in the tournament.” Asuka thanked the clerk and headed to the elevators, curious to see exactly what the accommodations available to contestants was like. It would have to be better than her apartment back home. It was indeed not disappointing. Everything was plush and comfortable – presumably, they decided to start spending unreasonable amounts of money again after the lobby was finished. Best of all, however, was the complementary room service. She spent the rest of the day exploring the intricacies of room service before turning in early. The next day, she awoke more refreshed than she had been in…years, probably. She decided to explore her environs after a light breakfast. As she returned to the lobby, she noticed a group of two or three duelists milling around near the entrance. She decided to watch them from a distance. The first – a leader among them or the superior duelist – was tall and lean, with elegantly spiked blond hair. He wore a slick blue suit with at least three decks packed in his belt. The overall effect made him appear slightly reminiscent of Yugi Muto. Next to him was a shorter man with long fingers that were nervously shuffling a deck. His clothes were poorer quality than the first man, and they seemed to fit very loosely. He had mussed brown hair. The last duelist was a girl dressed in a miniskirt. Her clothing was almost entirely pink, and she had straight hair so blond it seemed to be bragging about itself. “ - really, what’s the point?” She was saying. “Why do we have to go through five rounds of losers for some cash? We’re going to win anyway, right? Well, not Kidd…” The blond man shook his head, tossing his beautiful hair slightly. Asuka realized they were all very young – probably late in their high school years. “Alicia, be kinder to Kidd. He has great potential, he’s just…nervous. Besides, I’m quite sure there are some skilled duelists here. Her, for instance.” He jerked her head to the side. It took Asuka a second to realize he was indicating [i]her[/i]. Alicia looked at Asuka and giggled. “[i]Her[/i]? No way! We’ve had three years of Duel Academy experience, and she looks like she’s been dragged through Lower Domino.” The blond man chuckled. “Alright, why don’t we test your little theory out. If you’re willing, …?” “Asuka.” She said. “Asuka? Lovely name.” he put an irritating emphasis on ‘lovely’. “Alicia thinks you can’t possibly be anywhere near as good as a Duel Academy ace. I am…curious.” He removed one of the myriad decks on his belt. Alicia protested. “Hey! I can’t use my tournament deck! She can’t know how my deck works!” The blond man chuckled again and withdrew another deck. “Alright, then use the Harpies. Enjoy.” [center]Asuka LP: 4000 – Alicia LP: 4000[/center] [center] “Beauty first.” Said Alicia mockingly as she drew her cards. “And I’ll start off with the Rising Air Current Field Spell!” as she activated the card, a simulated gust whirled around the playing area. “This cards gives all WIND monsters 500 ATK, but they lose 400 DEF. Next up is the lovely Harpie Lady 1 (1300/1400)!” a pink-haired harpy in an extraordinarily revealing costume appeared out of a gust of wind. “Being a WIND monster, my harpie gets a boost (1300/1400 ~ 1800/900). She also has her own effect, one that gives all WIND monsters 300 extra ATK (1800/900 ~ 2100/900)! I’ll set two cards and end.” Asuka drew her cards in silence. She was familiar with the Harpie Lady 1 + Rising Air Current combo used to give all the player’s monsters 800 extra ATK. It was particularly powerful as it supported the WIND Attribute – the least commonly used of the six Attributes, meaning it was unlikely the opponent could gain any support from it. Asuka was one of those opponents – the only WIND Spirit was the legendary Yata-Garasu. “Let’s see about blowing away your Rising Air Current, with the popular Heavy Storm card!” Asuka activated the Spell, which created a large gust, destroying Rising Air Current as well as Alicia’s face-down cards: Defense Draw and Mirror Force. The Harpie Lady lost strength with her field gone (2100/900 ~ 1600/1400). “Next on my list is the Asura (1700/1200) in Attack Mode!” the blue-skinned deity appeared, its legs crossed. “Also, I’ll equip my Asura with the Orb of Yasaka. This card can only be equipped to a Spirit monster, and when that monster destroys a monster of yours, I gain Life Points equal to the destroyed monster’s original ATK. Enough talk, though – Asura attacks!” The deity flew forward and quickly destroyed the harpie, who disappeared in a burst of feathers. [/center] [center]Asuka LP: 5300 – Alicia LP: 3900[/center] [center] “I finish with one face-down.” Confirmed Asuka, as Asura returned to her hand in a flash of light. “One thing though. When Orb of Yasaka is sent to the Graveyard because the equipped Spirit went back to my hand, I add it to my hand as well.” Alicia sighed and drew. “Props for getting rid of Rising Air Current, but you missed one tiny thing: you’re wide open! I summon Birdface (1600/1600) in Attack Mode!” a large bird creature with blue armor appeared out of a wind gust and cawed sharply. At Alicia’s command, it then swooped forward to attack Asuka directly. [/center] [center]Asuka LP: 3700 – Alicia LP: 3900[/center] [center] “I activate Damage Condenser!” said Asuka, revealing her trap. “I toss 1 card – like that Orb of Yasaka – and Special Summon a monster from my deck whose ATK is equal or less than the damage I just took. I choose my Flame Ruler (1500/1600)!” A muscular man surrounded with flames appeared out of a jolt of energy created by the Condenser. “First a Spirit, and now FIRE support?” sneered Alicia. “This might be the most random deck I’ve ever seen!” Kidd frowned and tugged the blond man’s sleeve. “Um…aren’t the strong Spirits…?” He nodded. “I think she’ll figure it out in a moment, Kidd.” “My move.” Said Asuka, drawing her card. “I think the boys have figured this out already. You seem a little slower, though, so I’ll just spell it out for you. I Tribute the Flame Ruler in order to summon the vicious Yamata Dragon (2600/3100)!” As was becoming commonplace in her duels, the Flame Ruler made way for the eight-headed serpent. “The two most powerful Spirit monsters are FIRE monsters, which is why I utilize Flame Ruler. To continue, I attack!” The eight hungry heads made short work of Birdface. [/center] [center]Asuka LP: 3700 – Alicia LP: 2900[/center] [center] “When Birdface is destroyed in battle,” said Alicia snottily, “I can take a “Harpie Lady” in my deck and put it right in my hand.” She selected another Harpie Lady 1. “That’s precious.” Mocked Asuka. “It turns out my dragon has an effect, too. This one lets me draw until I have five cards.” She did. “Being so aided, I equip my Yamata Dragon with the Mirror of Yata, which negates its effect to return to my hand. I also set one card.” Alicia was livid. As she drew her card, however, her expression changed to glee. “I summon my Harpie Lady 1 to the field (1300/1400 ~ 1600/1400). Next I activate the Magnificent Replication card, which lets me Special Summon one Harpie Lady or Harpie Lady Sisters from my hand or deck. I choose to summon Harpie Lady Sisters (1950/2100 ~ 2250/2100). Next I activate the Triangle Ecstasy Spark, which makes the original ATK of my sisters 2700 (2250/2100 ~ 3000/2100)! With their superiority, I attack!” The three sisters entered a triangle formation, strands of electricity forming between them. An ‘X’ appeared in the center of their triangle and launched a blast of energy at the Yamata Dragon. When the smoke cleared, it was still standing. [/center] [center]Asuka LP: 3400 – Alicia LP: 2900 “The wonders of support cards.” Said Asuka, holding Mirror of Yata. “Spirits only return to the hand the End Phase of the turn they come onto the field, meaning an equip card would be unnecessary, unless it had other effects. When the equipped monster would be destroyed, the Mirror of Yata takes the hit instead.” She deposited the mirror in the Graveyard. “It hurts to fail, doesn’t it?” Alicia pouted. “Forget it! This duel doesn’t count! He made me use the crap deck!” Asuka shrugged. “If you forfeit, that’s fine with me.” The blond man walked over and removed the deck. “I’m curious…” he said, loud enough for everyone to hear, and turned over the next card in the deck. “Hysteric Party,” he read. “Continuous Trap Card. Discard 1 card. Special Summon as many “Harpie Lady” monsters as possible from your Graveyard. When this card is removed from the field, destroy all monsters Special Summoned by this effect. That might have turned the game around. Too bad you forfeited, though.” Alicia stalked away, still pouting. “Sorry about that, Asuka.” He said, “She’s a pest, but she’s actually pretty good with her usual deck. My name’s Yamimaru, by the way.” He said, shaking her hand. “Anyway, good luck in the tournament.” As he walked away, he raised a card over his shoulder so that she could see it: Black Illusion Ritual. “You’re going to need it.” [/spoiler][/center] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr. Cakey Posted August 18, 2011 Author Report Share Posted August 18, 2011 copy+pasta, new old chapter time Sacrifice = Relinquished. Hooray for inconsistently using OCG names! [spoiler='Chapter 5: Facing an Illusion'] Back in her rooms, Asuka made use of the complementary computer to research the card he had flashed to her. The Black Illusion Ritual was a special kind of Spell Card called a Ritual Spell Card; a card type that Industrial Illusions had abandoned as uncompetitive several years after the release of Duel Monsters. Ritual Spells would Special Summon a specific Ritual Monster from the player’s hand if the player Tributed monsters on their field or in their hand whose Levels at least totaled that Ritual Monster’s Level. Some of its principles were actually similar to Synchro Summoning. The Black Illusion Ritual itself was used to summon a creature called Sacrifice. Asuka had much more difficulty in determining the abilities of Sacrifice. Its production run had been extremely limited, and it was not as famous as other limited-run cards like the Blue-Eyes White Dragon, so she couldn’t find any images. What she could glean was limited: it was a DARK Spellcaster. It had an ATK and DEF of 0. Its effect had…something…to do with equipping itself with a monster. Whatever it was, she would just have to deal with it when it came time to fight it…if she ever ended up do so. There were only four duelists she could account for (including herself), meaning fourteen more duelists were yet to arrive. One of those duelists arrived the next day. He was an introverted individual with medium-length black hair and a black leather jacket, and was named Xander. Most of the participants arrived much closer to the deadline. Cudger was a well-muscled man in a riding suit – which was odd since the Glory Cup wasn’t featuring any Turbo Duels. Mina was a pretty girl who couldn’t have been much more than twelve. Pace was a tall man with bright orange hair and a chain for a belt. Others came that Asuka didn’t bother to learn the names of. Some seemed more than a little out of their league in the Glory Cup, while others acted perfectly at home. The tournament itself would quickly sort out who deserved to be there and who did not. As the time for the tournament inched closer, doubt began to gnaw at Asuka’s resolve. What was she doing there? She knew full well that she was good – she had dominated the Grand Dome with fourteen consecutive victories, after all – but competition in the Kaiba Dome, the heart of the dueling world, was on an entirely different level. How had the tournament sponsor (the nebulous Schroeder Corporation) found her, anyway? She decided in the end that it didn’t really matter. Prizes were lavished on the competitors, and she could live quite comfortably even if she just cleared the first few rounds. One day, with the Glory Cup start date just around the corner, Asuka walked into the lobby to see two duelists in the midst of some argument. She recognized Yamimaru (the epitome of pretty-boy calm), but the other she did not know the name of. Whoever he was, he was large and seemed like he was in some state of perpetual rage. “Listen up, you Academy elitist!” yelled the angry man. “You might be something back home, but around here you respect your betters!” Yamimaru folded his arms. He looked slightly bored. “I respect talent. You, regrettably, have none.” The angry man turned so red he seemed to be glowing. “Alright you little punk! If you love talent so much, why don’t I put you to the test?” As he spoke, he removed his deck and Duel Disk. Yamimaru shrugged. “Whatever. It’s been a while since I went slumming.” Kidd scurried up and handed him his Duel Disk, which Asuka noticed was actually custom-made. Yamimaru inserted his deck and placed the disk on his arm. [center]Yamimaru LP: 4000 – Man LP: 4000[/center] [center] “Draw.” Said Yamimaru. He examined his cards for only the briefest instant. “I summon the Dark-Eyes Illusionist (0/1400) in Attack Mode.” A bizarre being appeared out of a cloud of shadows. It had no legs and a yellow torso covered with strange designs. It wore a frilled green cape and had large purple hands held in front of it. Its head was a yellow orb with the symbol known as the Millennium Eye or Eye of Wdjat in grey as its only facial feature. “Turn end.” All the observers in the lobby were murmuring to themselves as they saw the monster. It seemed like a foolish opening move to summon an extremely weak monster in Attack Mode, particularly without any kind of other defenses. There must be some point to it, though… Yamimaru’s opponent didn’t seem to think so. “I can see right through that.” he bragged. “You’re tryin’ to make me [i]think[/i] you’ve got something tricky going on. I’m not falling for it, though, and I summon the Genetic Werewolf (2000/100)!” A large wolf-like man with four arms appeared. “Now my werewolf goes and mauls your ‘illusionist’ right now!” The wolf-man bounded forward to attack the seemingly defenseless creature. However, the illusionist raised its arms and fired a blast of light from its eye. When the light cleared, the werewolf stood in mid-leap. It was completely frozen. “Dark-Eyes Illusionist.” Recited Yamimaru. “DARK Spellcaster and Effect Monster. Once per turn, you can negate the attack of one opponent's monster that targets this card. A monster whose attack is negated by this effect cannot attack while this card remains face-up on the field.” The man spat. “OK, so you weren’t bluffing this time. I’ll just set one card face-down and finish things up. Yamimaru drew. “There have been rumors going around about a monster I own…a creature called ‘Sacrifice’. I have it in my hand right now, as well as the Black Illusion Ritual card, so I could summon it. However, it would be wasted on someone such as you, so I will not. Instead, I discard one card in order to Special Summon The Tricky (2000/1200).” He sent a blue card in his hand to the Graveyard. Asuka could make out that its name was indeed ‘Sacrifice’. As the card was discarded, a yellow and black jester-like creature appeared out of a swirl of light. Emblazoned on its face and chest was a red question mark. “As you likely have guessed, I can Special Summon The Tricky from my hand simply by discarding a card. I continue with the Field Spell Card Yami.” As he activated the card, a dark fog swirled around the area. “Yami gives all Fiend and Spellcaster-Type monsters 200 extra ATK and DEF.” Both his Illusionist (0/1400 ~ 200/1600) and Tricky (2000/1200 ~ 2200/1400) were strengthened by the field. “I continue by attacking with The Tricky.” The jester creature teleported behind the paralyzed werewolf and gave it a punch augmented by dark energy, shattering it. [/center] [center]Yamimaru LP: 4000 – Man LP: 3800[/center] [center] The Dark-Eyes Illusionist was about to follow up with a direct attack, but then the man activated his face-down card. “Go, Call of the Haunted!” he shouted. “This brings back a monster in my Graveyard, like the Genetic Werewolf!” The wolf-man howled as he reappeared on the field. The illusionist halted its attack in the face of the revived creature. Yamimaru was totally unfazed by the revival of the powerful creature. He set one face-down card and ended. “You seem to think you’re pretty cool, but you really aren’t!” roared the other man. “I summon my Goblin Attack Force (2300/0)!” A ragtag group of goblins dressed in makeshift armor burst onto the scene. “And now my werewolf attacks that illusionist of yours now!” The wolf-man charged at the illusionist once more, only to be frozen by the creature’s power. The Goblin Attack Force was about to charge in follow-up, but a sudden loud roar burst out from Yamimaru’s just-activated face-down card: Threatening Roar. “As I am [i]sure[/i] you know, Threatening Roar stops all of your attacks for the rest of the turn.” The other man grunted. “Quit stalling! I set another face-down.” Yamimaru drew his card. “No more stalling? Alright. I begin by switching the Illusionist to defense. Next, I Tribute Goblin Attack Force and the Genetic Werewolf in order to Special Summon the Lava Golem (3000/2500)!” The two monsters were consumed by an eruption of magma. Larger eruptions followed, until the behemoth itself emerged. It was made entirely of lava, with only the suggestion of humanoid form. Charred skeletons floated in it, and a cage was chained to its neck. The cage itself encircled Yamimaru’s opponent. The Golem then received a boost from Yami (3000/2500 ~ 3200/2700) “What is this thing!? How did you summon it on my side!?” Yamimaru chuckled. “Lava Golem. A FIRE Demon and Effect Monster. It can only be summoned to your side of the field. As for what it does…see once your turn comes around. It’s quite thrilling. I set one card and end.” As his opponent drew angrily, lava from the golem’s body dripped onto him. [/center] [center]Yamimaru LP: 4000 – Man LP: 2800[/center] [center] “Each turn, the Lava Golem burns away 1000 of your Life Points.” Observed Yamimaru. “You may want to do something about it.” “Do something about it?” laughed the man. “Are you kidding? This is stronger than anything else in my deck! Go Lava Golem!” [i]Idiot[/i]. Thought Asuka. Yamimaru sighed. “I activate the effect of the Dark-Eyes Illusionist, negating your – ” “Wrong!” yelled the man, activating his face-down card. “This is called Divine Wrath, and by discarding one card, I can negate an Effect Monster’s effect and destroy it.” Lightning speared out of the sky and destroyed the illusionist. The Lava Golem continued its attack, reaching a massive lava-coated fist towards The Tricky. Alicia was staring in shock. Kidd was biting his nails. Yamimaru was activating his face-down card. “Magic Cylinder. Normal Trap Card. Activate only when your opponent declares an attack. Make the attack a direct attack on the card’s controller.” Two decorated cylinders appeared. One sucked in the Lava Golem’s hand. The other fired a blast of light directly at the man. [/center] [center]Yamimaru LP: 4000 – Man LP: 0[/center] [center] The whole crowd burst out in excited chatter. Alicia attempted to hug Yamimaru, who neatly sidestepped. Kidd started chattering to him about various points of the duel. The defeated man tried to escape back to his room without be noticed. Asuka shook her head. [i]That was extraordinary. He didn’t even use Sacrifice, he just let his opponent stumble into his traps. I…I barely believe it.[/i] Yamimaru looked over at her and winked, and she found herself blushing in spite of herself. She hurried back to her room, hoping he hadn’t seen it. [/spoiler][/center] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr. Cakey Posted August 20, 2011 Author Report Share Posted August 20, 2011 gogogo [spoiler='Chapter 6: Gears of Light'] [i]“The Raging Spirit [/i][i]gale (2500/2500), the last monster you’ll ever see!” laughed the man. “It’s more powerful than every monster in your Deck! This God has chosen me, Durmur, to be its instrument of destruction upon the Earth – now behold its power!”[/i] [i]He pointed to his Giant Rat. “Mighty Raging Spirit! I offer up my monster to you, so that you may unleash your wrath!” as he spoke, the horrid spirit reached out and grabbed the Giant Rat, before swallowing it up. “[/i][i]gale can destroy 1 card I control to destroy up to 2 cards you control – namely, Susano’o and the Torture Golem!”[/i] [i]The spirit spread its wings, and glaring energy speared out, vaporizing the two monsters. Without waiting for its master’s orders, it opened its beak and unleashed a blast of power at Asuka. It slammed into her Duel Runner and sent her flying for several feet before she skidded and collapsed in the desert sands.[/i] Asuka woke with a start, still reliving the attack of the horrid spirit. She slowly became aware of where she was. [i]I guess that fight affected me more than I realized[/i]. She thought. [i]Still, not everyone fights a god…it’s justified, I guess.[/i] She noticed with some surprise that it was actually morning; the tournament was starting in an hour! She swiftly got dressed and fixed herself a cup of coffee. Ten minutes later, she stepped out of the elevator: her Duel Disk on her arm, deck in her pocket. She was as ready as she was ever going to be. Yamimaru stood nearby, shuffling his deck. His lean fingers shuffled expertly, so that each card was almost certain to be in an entirely different position in the deck with minimum effort. He partially withdrew the top card. “Call it.” He said with a slight undertone of mischievousness. Asuka thought for a moment. “Monster.” She declared at length. He drew the card, looked at it, and showed it to her. Sacrifice! “Bingo.” He told her. “The suspense will be over soon. Today, I play it.” “I’ll be interested in seeing it.” She said, feigning a casual air. A slight smile played at the corners of Yamimaru’s lips, and he left to enter the arena. Asuka followed soon after. The arena was already packed with eager spectators. It was to be expected: there hadn’t been a major tournament in years. On an elevated platform, the MC was already working on the crowd. “Everybody listen!!” he shouted, his voice amplified by his microphone. All of his sentences seemed to naturally contain an exclamation point, so exclamations seemed to just pile on another one. “The Glory Cup is about to begin!! Today we begin with our preliminary rounds! Sixteen duelists shall enter, and only eight shall emerge victorious!! First, however, I will quickly explain the rules of the tournament! Players’ Life Points are 4000, and all standard Duel Monsters rules apply! When a player’s Life Points hit zero, they lose! Certain cards have been banned from play – all of our participants know this, and those cards are listed in the main lobby, as well as in your programs! Seriously folks, no God Cards!” The crowd laughed appreciatively. “Opponents will be randomly selected at the start of each match! Now, without further ado, I would like to present the first match of the Glory Cup!!!” As he spoke, the crowd cheered loudly. “Allow me to introduce the dueling prodigy, Mina!!” Asuka looked over and saw Mina rise from her seat and quietly walk onto the arena floor. A number of people in the crowd cheered for her, including a significant delegation from Pre-Duel Academy – presumably where Mina went to school. “And the challenger,” continued the MC, “the man who went to the Different Dimension and returned, the survivor: Pace!!” Pace leaped to his feet and jogged to the arena, waving to the crowd. Asuka wondered exactly which “Different Dimension” he had survived. [i]Probably an anime convention[/i]. She decided. The MC might like to run the crowd, but he also knew when to let the duel do the talking, so he turned off his mic and his mouth and sat down to watch. [center]Mina LP: 4000 – Pace LP: 4000[/center] [center] “I’ll start this party off!” proclaimed Pace as he pulled his cards. “And I’ll do it with the Dimensional Fissure card!” As he activated the card, a gash appeared in the air above him, which widened to form a hole into the void. “With this card, any time a monster would be sent to the Graveyard, it is instead removed from play. Oh yeah, I’ll also summon the Survivor from a Different Dimension (1800/0).” Asuka whistled to herself. A Remove from Play Deck! Whoever this Mina was, she had her work cut out for her! Mina drew. “Nice card, but I have my own good one: Valhalla, Castle of the Gods!” as her card was activated, a building composed of white pillars rose up around her. “With this card, once per turn, if I control no monsters, I can Special Summon an Angel-Type monster from my hand, regardless of its Level, so I choose Lightning Gear – Cherry Fire (2400/1400)!” Out of the marble hall bounded a large mechanical dog-like creature. It was mostly red, and beautifully crafted. “Of course, I can still Normal Summon.” Continued Mina. “And I’ll choose to bring out Lightning Gear – Flashing Sky (1000/500)!” A faintly angelic machine with blue accents swooped down. “Here goes…I attack your survivor with Cherry Fire!” The dog-angel jumped forward and breathed out a gust of wind. Cherry blossoms spun in the gale, which slammed into the Survivor from a Different Dimension before destroying it. [/center] [center]Mina LP: 4000 – Pace LP: 3400 “Next I attack with Flashing Sky!” she said, and the blue angel flew forward to attack. Pace activated his face-down card. “This one’s always a hit; I activate Dimension Wall! With this, you’ll take the Battle Damage ‘stead of me! Tough break, kid.” As Flashing Sky shot out an energy beam, a hole opened in space-time (presumably) and absorbed the attack. Another hole opened behind Mina, and the beam struck her. [/center] [center]Mina LP: 3000 – Pace LP: 3400[/center] [center] “The effect of my Flashing Sky still continues though, meaning I get to draw a card. I’ll set two cards and end my turn…since I do, though, my Lightning Gear – Flashing Sky is sent to the Graveyard.” “And Dimensional Fissure removes it from play!” added Pace. He seemed very proud of that. “Heh heh…that’s not all! When my Survivor from a Different Dimension is removed from play while he’s face-up, he returns at the End Phase.” As he spoke, the survivor walked out of the Dimensional Fissure and crouched down in Defense Mode. “Now it’s my go, so I’ll set another monster in defense and call it a turn.” Mina began her turn once more, this time with slightly more trepidation. Her draw made her very happy, though. “I Tribute Lightning Gear - Cherry Fire for the stronger Lightning Gear – Thunder Dragon (2900/1800)!” The Cherry Fire vanished in a burst of light, to be replaced by an enormous white machine in the shape of an Oriental dragon. It let out a roar that sounded like a harmony of flutes. Asuka didn’t think she had seen anything so beautiful – or so [i]big[/i]. It dwarfed even the Red Dragon Archfiend she had once faced. Pace was quite cowed as he stood in the shadow of the Thunder Dragon. “Hey, what gives!? That must be a Level Eight monster, so how did you summon it with just one Tribute?” Mina grinned. “The Lightning Gears can all be summoned with one less Tribute than they would normally need…if I do, though, they get sent to the Graveyard at the End Phase.” “Removed from play!” chimed in Pace. Mina rolled her eyes. “Yeah. Right. Removed from play. Anyway, Lightning Gear – Thunder Dragon attacks the Survivor from a Different Dimension!” The glorious behemoth roared again and opened its mouth. An enormous blast of lightning poured forth, annihilating the hapless man. [/center] [center]Mina LP: 3000 – Pace LP: 500[/center] [center] “Holy - !” gasped Pace. “You tellin’ me that dragon has a Piercing effect, too?” “Yup.” Confirmed Mina. “When it attacks a defensive monster, the difference comes out of your Life Points as Battle Damage.” “Yeah, around here, we jes’ call junk like that Piercing.” Said Pace helpfully. “Sure.” Said Mina. “I’m done, though.” The Lightning Gear – Thunder Dragon gave one last melodious roar before transforming into particles of light and vanishing into the Dimensional Fissure. “Alright,” said Pace, “I’ve hit a setback, but I’m bringin’ my A-game to this one! I activate the Magic Gardna card. This lets me pick one of my face-up Spell Cards – like Dimensional Fissure - and put a counter on it. Now, when it would be destroyed, it loses the counter instead. Next…” Despite being on the verge of losing, he still put on a flamboyant show. “…I activate Heavy Storm to blow away all our Spells and Traps!” as he said, a huge gale appeared to destroy the cards. Dimensional Fissure, however, was saved with Magic Gardna. Mina’s face-down cards – Ultimate Offering and Defense Draw – and her Valhalla were not so lucky. “Next I activate Gravekeeper’s Servant! With this Continuous Spell Card, you’ve gotta send the top card of your Deck to the Graveyard to attack. Here’s the tricky bit, though…with my Dimensional Fissure out, cards sent to the Graveyard are removed from play instead. So with that, you can’t complete the cost of Gravekeeper’s Servant, and you can’t attack! Now let me introduce my face-down fellow: the Different Dimension Warrior (1200/1000). My next order of business is to switch the Survivor from a Different Dimension to Attack Mode, so that they can both whale on you!” Asuka added up their ATK and realized they added up to exactly 3000…which was what Mina had left. After the two had attacked, however, Mina was still standing. [/center] [center]Mina LP: 1800 – Pace LP: 500[/center] [center] She held out a card. “This is Arcana Force XIV – Temperance (2400/2400) – a very rare card I was lucky to find in a booster pack one time. Along with having the highest ATK/DEF total for any Level 6 monster, I can discard Temperance to make the damage I take from a battle zero.” [i]Close save.[/i] Thought Asuka. [i]It’s hard to say who’s in the better position right now. Mina’s in the lead with Life Points, but she has no cards out. Pace has almost no Life Points, and one of his monsters is really weak, but his Gravekeeper’s Servant stops her from attacking. Of course, if she can get rid of either that or Dimensional Fissure and summon a monster with at least 1600 ATK, she’ll win.”[/i] Mina drew. “I set one monster in Defense Mode. Also, I set one card.” Pace drew. He looked at the card he’d drawn for a moment, then set it. “I’m done here.” He said, and Mina began. “Sorry to interrupt already,” he said, activating his Trap Card, “but I activate D.D. Dynamite, which blasts you with 300 points for every one of those cards you have removed from play…which makes exactly 1800, little lady!” “Not happening!” said Mina, chaining her own Trap Card. “I activate the Dark Shrine Bribe. It negates a Spell or Trap Card you activate, but it lets you draw a card.” Pace did so. “Now I’d like to continue, because I activate Pot of Greed, letting me draw two cards. Now I’ll activate one of those cards: Rescuing Light! This lets me pay 800 Life Points to put a removed from play LIGHT monster into my hand. I choose Lightning Gear…” she paused, indecisive. [i]Which one indeed[/i]? Thought Asuka. [i]Her Thunder Dragon will guarantee her victory if she summons it, but she’ll need a monster next turn to do it. She won’t need any Tribute for Cherry Fire, but Pace could just switch his monsters to defense and escape damage. Then again, this is all assuming she has a way to get rid of Gravekeeper’s Servant.[/i] “…Thunder Dragon.” She finished, adding the selected card to her hand. “And now I Tribute my face-down monster for it!” The face-down, two cute imp-like creatures who seemed to be twins, made way for the enormous holy dragon. “Also, I set one card face-down. I end my turn.” “It’s too bad your Thunder Dragon has to go away again!” pointed out Pace. However, the dragon didn’t disappear. “What’s goin’ on!?” He demanded. Mina held up the card she had Tributed: Gellenduo. “Gellenduo.” Quoted Yamimaru, who was sitting several feet from Asuka. “LIGHT Angel-Type and Effect Monster. This card cannot be destroyed by battle. When this card's controller takes damage, destroy this card. If you Tribute Summon a LIGHT Angel-Type monster, you can treat this 1 monster as 2 Tribute Monsters for the Tribute Summon.” Mina said the same thing, albeit more succinctly. Pace looked distinctly unhappy from the news, but drew anyway. “I guess I’ll just…set a card.” He decided after a while. Mina drew. “I activate my face-down card: Dust Tornado, which I’ll use to blow away your Dimensional Fissure!” A dust-filled tornado swept over the mystical hole in space-time and eliminated it. Pace’s combo had just been broken. The Thunder Dragon then charged its destructive attack and blasted the Survivor from a Different Dimension. Suddenly, however, a glowing barrier surrounded Pace’s monsters, deflecting the attack. “I activate the Trap Card Emissaries of Harmony!” said Pace. “This card prevents me from taking Battle Damage this turn, and makes my monsters indestructible in battle to boot.” “Fine.” Sighed Mina. “I set one card.” “Alright! It’s time for Pace to shine again!” Mina held up her hand. “Just a second! I activate Divine Protection of the Goddess. This grants me 3000 Life Points, but I lose 3000 if it’s destroyed. [/center] [center]Mina LP: 3800 – Pace LP: 500[/center] [center] “Huh.” Said Pace. “Kinda sucks to be me, then. I set two cards face-down and end.” Mina drew. “I summon my second Lightning Gear – Cherry Fire!” The angel mechanoid canine jumped out of a flash of light and stood next to the far larger dragon. “Now I attack your Survivor from a Different Dimension with Cherry Fire!” “Not this time! I activate Dimensional Prison, which removes your monster from play!” As he spoke, a dark void enveloped the mech and absorbed it. “Next I activate Cyclone, which destroys one of your Spells or Traps, and I’ll destroy Divine Protection of the Goddess!” A strong wind gusted around the card, before a bolt of lightning struck and destroyed it. [/center] [center]Mina LP: 800 – Pace LP: 500[/center] [center] There was no point to Pace’s final act of defiance, as Lightning Gear – Thunder Dragon finished what Cherry Fire had started in a conflagration of light. [/center] [center]Mina LP: 800 – Pace LP: 0[/center] [center] “And we have a winner!!!” Roared the MC. “Congratulations to Mina on her victory!! Congratulations also to her amazing Lightning Gears!” The crowded cheered enthusiastically, and Asuka joined them. She looked over to see Yamimaru clapping politely, but he seemed largely uninterested. [i]That duel…[/i]thought Asuka. [i]I think it [/i]bored [i]him![/i] [/spoiler][/center] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr. Cakey Posted August 21, 2011 Author Report Share Posted August 21, 2011 My least favorite chapter. God that's an awful duel. [spoiler='Chapter 7: Machine Revolt'] The MC gave the crowd a quick break to purchase refreshments, and then turned on his mic to announce the next match. “Everybody listen!! That was quite a duel, and we’ve still got three more today!! So give me a hand in introducing the commander of machines and general of golems, Sergeant Patterson!!” Hearing his name, a smaller man in a military uniform marched into the arena. “And now, please welcome the queen of the Spirit World, Asuka!” [i]About time[/i]. She thought as she stood up and walked to the arena. As before, the MC quieted himself for the ensuing duel. [center]Asuka LP: 4000 – Patterson LP: 4000[/center] [center] “I’ll take the first turn.” Patterson decided unilaterally. “And I’ll summon with the Ancient Gear Soldier (1300/1300)!” A rusty mechanical soldier with a gun attachment on its arm dug itself out of the ground and stood at the ready. “Turn end.” “Alright,” said Asuka as she drew. [i]Usually I’d defend, but it looks like he’s using Ancient Gears, which means I need to make sure he has as little field presence as possible. So…[/i] “I summon Asura (1700/1200) in Attack Mode!” she called, and the four-armed deity appeared in front of her. “Next I’ll equip him with the Orb of Yasaka. With this card, when he destroys a monster in battle, I gain Life Points equal to the destroyed monsters original ATK. Now attack!” Asura dove forward and smashed the Ancient Gear Soldier, shattering it. [/center] [center]Asuka LP: 5300 – Patterson LP: 3600[/center] [center] “I end with one face-down card.” She continued. “Since it’s my End Phase now, the Asura returns to my hand. Also, when Orb of Yasaka is sent to the Graveyard because the equipped monster went back to my hand, it returns as well.” “One problem, ma’am,” pointed out Patterson. “You’re wide open. That’s the problem with Spirits: they desert you when you need them most. My Ancient Gears stick around, though. I summon the Ancient Gear Knight!” Another machine hauled itself out of the ground. This one was larger and sported a dented shield and lance. “Now I attack directly with my knight!” The mechanical warrior stabbed at Asuka with its lance. [/center] [center]Asuka LP: 3500 – Patterson LP: 3600[/center] [center] “Not impressed.” Said Asuka as she drew. “I summon back my Asura! And – because I’m feeling crazy – I’ll equip him with the Orb of Yasaka again. Next I’ll activate my face-down card: Spirit’s Gateway. This card has three effects. The first one boosts the ATK of all my Spirits by 300 during my turn (1700/1200 ~ 2000/1200). Now my Asura can break down your Knight!” As before, the Asura swung at the Ancient Gear and destroyed it. [/center] [center]Asuka LP: 5300 – Patterson LP: 3400 “I set a face-down and end. Now that it’s the end of my turn, though, Asura returns to my hand – however, this is where the second effect of Spirit’s Gateway kicks in: once per turn, I can prevent a Spirit monster from returning to my hand by its effect. Therefore, my Asura remains.” Patterson drew. “Well done. However, I’ve still got surprises for you. I activate Graceful Charity, which lets me draw three cards if I discard two.” He discarded Ancient Gear and Ancient Gear Beast. “Next I activate Ancient Gear Factory. With this card, I remove from play Machine-Type monsters in my Graveyard with total Levels at least equal to the Level of an Ancient Gear monster in my hand.” He removed Ancient Gear Soldier, Ancient Gear Knight, Ancient Gear, and Ancient Gear Beast (Total Level: 16). “And in return, I can Special Summon the monster from my hand this turn rather than Normal Summon it. First, though, I’d like to equip your Asura with Nitro Unit!” A bomb-like construct shot out and attached to the Asura. “You’ll see what this does in just a second.” He assured her. “First, though, I use the effect of Ancient Gear Factory to Special Summon from my hand the Ancient Gear Golem!” There was a deafening grinding of gears. A huge hand burst up out of the ground. With mechanical strength, the hand raised the rest of the body up out of the ground. The golem had a huge upper body with long arms. The arm with a hand was thick, while its left arm – which was armed with a gun-like weapon – was surprisingly thin and spindly. The machine’s legs were similar. At Patterson’s orders, the colossus brought its hand forward to crush the Asura. Asuka opened her mouth to activate her face-down Reactive Armor before she remembered that the Ancient Gear Golem prevented her from activating it. The golem crushed the Asura without contest. [/center] [center]Asuka LP: 4000 – Patterson LP: 3400[/center] [center] “There’s still one effect to resolve.” Said Patterson. “And that’s Nitro Unit! When a monster equipped with Nitro Unit is destroyed by battle, you take damage equal to its ATK!” [/center] [center]Asuka LP: 2300 – Patterson LP: 3400[/center] [center] Asuka sighed and drew. She wasn’t quite sure how to get out of this. [i]The weakness of Ancient Gears is that they lack both hand and card advantage. If I remove his Ancient Gear Golem, he won’t have many options left. This should help…[/i] “I activate the Spell Card Gift of the Next World. This lets me reveal any number of Spirit monsters in my hand – ” she showed Otohime and Hino-Kagu-Tsuchi, “ – to draw that many cards. In this case, two.” She examined her new cards thoughtfully. “Perfect. I summon the Inaba White Rabbit (700/500 ~ 1000/500)!” a rabbit with glowing eyes holding an oversized mortar and pestle that seemed to double as a rocket appeared in a burst of light. “Now I’ll use his effect to attack directly!” The rabbit hopped over the enormous golem and whacked Patterson over the head with its implement. [/center] [center]Asuka LP: 2300 – Patterson LP: 2400[/center] [center] “Next I’ll activate the Continuous Spell Lesser Force. With this card, if a monster battles with one with two or more levels than it has, it’s not destroyed in battle and any Battle Damage greater than 500 becomes just 500.” Patterson drew. “I’ll just have to start whittling you away then. I summon the Ancient Gear Knight! Now, both of my monsters attack the Inaba White Rabbit!” His two machines swung at the rabbit, though a blue force surrounded it. [/center] [center]Asuka LP: 1300 – Patterson LP: 2400[/center] [center] Asuka drew again. This time she smiled. “I summon the Maharaghi.” A small, bird-like creature appeared out of light. “When he’s summoned, I can look at the top card of my deck and put it on the top or on the bottom.” The card was a Yamata Dragon, which she did not need, so she sent it to the bottom. “Now I activate the effect of Spirit’s Gateway. So I Tribute my Maharaghi and negate the effects of the card until your turn (1000/500 ~ 700/500) and Special Summon a Spirit from my hand. So come out Hino-Kagu-Tsuchi (2800/2900)!” The Maharaghi was sucked into the portal of the Spirit’s Gateway, and the large man with fiery hair burst forth. “Here we go!” she proclaimed. “I’ll start out with a direct attack by my Inaba White Rabbit.” The rabbit hopped forth and whacked Patterson again. [/center] [center]Asuka LP: 1300 – Patterson LP: 1700[/center] [center] “Next, Hino-Kagu-Tsuchi attacks that Ancient Gear Knight of yours!” A fiery punch was enough to shatter the knight. [/center] [center]Asuka LP: 1300 – Patterson LP: 900[/center] [center] “Next, Hino-Kagu-Tsuchi burns away all the cards in your hand!” Patterson cursed and sent the cards to the Graveyard. “However, with Spirit’s Gateway negated, he must come back to my hand.” The flaming man transformed into light and returned. Patterson drew and frowned. “Do you…I think you have me! Good god! Even if I had pulled a monster here, you would take just 1000 damage. Next turn then, your bunny would have the power to defeat me. It seems futile, but I shall try. Ancient Gear Golem, attack!” Once more the gigantic golem reached forth in an attempt to crush the rabbit, and once more the blue field deflected it. [/center] [center]Asuka LP: 800 – Patterson LP: 900[/center] [center] Asuka drew, knew it didn’t matter, and struck for the last time. [/center] [center]Asuka LP: 800 – Patterson LP: 0[/center] [center] [i]To think I win with my Inaba White Rabbit again.[/i] She thought as the crowd cheered her. “Wow!!” proclaimed the MC. “What a duel!! Congratulations to Asuka, and to her fabulous Spirits!!” Asuka let out a breath, as she waved to the crowd. [/spoiler][/center] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr. Cakey Posted August 25, 2011 Author Report Share Posted August 25, 2011 A [i]very[/i] short chapter, since I didn't want to go into every single one of the duels. I'll make this one a double feature. [spoiler='Chapter 8: Battle Royale'] Asuka sat and watched the next few duels politely. She mostly wanted to see the mysterious Sacrifice, though she knew that it was best to take note of the cards used by those who could be her future opponents. The next duel was a contest between the nervous Duel Academy attendee Kidd and a brash-looking man named Kirk. Kirk scored early leads with the speed of his Warrior Synchro Deck, but Kidd used a swarm archetype Asuka was unfamiliar with that protected him from major harm. The group was called “Microcosms”, and they seemed based on subatomic particles. The strongest among them, though, had 350 ATK, so she was unsure how Kidd could possibly use them to win. She discovered in an instant, when he activated a Field Spell called Microcosmos – probably a parody of the remove from play staple MAKROSMOS – which increased the ATK of his Microcosms tenfold, allowing him to overtake the Synchros and win. Another duel took place between Alicia and someone named Scar. Alicia’s actual deck seemed to utilize Simorgh, Bird of Divinity (2700/1000) to burn away her opponent’s Life Points, and use Simorgh, Bird of Ancestry (2900/2000) as a backup, while also needling her opponent with Special Summons from Dragonflies (1400/900) and Troop Dragons (700/800). It was disorganized, but collectively effective, and took out Scar’s Machiners before he could assemble them into his Machiner’s Force. On the heels of the two Simorghs of Alicia’s, a very different Simorgh Deck followed. Xander faced someone who used Psychics. Xander used an unorthodox DARK/WIND Deck that was based on dumping cards of those Attributes into his Graveyard for the summoning of the [i]Dark[/i] Simorgh (2700/1000), which he then combined with Anti-Spell Fragrance. Dark Simorgh prevented his opponent from Setting any cards (which blocked Traps as well as defensive monsters), and Anti-Spell Fragrance prevented Spells from being activated from the hand, requiring them to be Set. The Psychic duelist’s only option lay in Synchro Summoning quickly enough, which he was able to do, summoning the Hyper Psychic Blaster (3000/2500). Xander then demonstrated the third ability of his Simorgh – by removing a DARK and WIND monster in his hand from play, he could Special Summon it from the Graveyard. Faced with a continuously reviving monster, the Psychic duelist did not last much longer. The next battle was also quite impressive, featuring Cudge wielding a Reactor Deck going up against a classic style of Spellcaster Deck. The Dark Magician Deck was based around using Dark Magic Curtain, Dark Renewal, and especially Skilled Dark Magician (1900/1700) to summon the Dark Magician (2500/2100) as quickly and as many times as possible. Cudge’s Reactors inflicted heavy damage every time his opponent activated Spell or Trap Card, and his Summon Reactor AI (2000/1500) inflicted damage for Summons, as well being able to negate attacks the turn it used its effect. The problem was the relatively low ATK of all of the Reactors, preventing any of them for surviving the onslaught of the Dark Magician. Eventually, Cudge was able to rally Summon Reactor AI, Trap Reactor RA (800/1800), and Spell Reactor ID (1200/800) and merge them into a gargantuan flying craft called the Giant Bomber AIRAID (3000/2500), which could destroy 1 card during his turn and a destroy 1 card (and inflict damage) on his opponent’s. After that, things ended quickly. At last Yamimaru stepped up to the dueling platform to battle against someone named Burgundy. Sacrifice would be unleashed. [/spoiler] Sacrifice = Relinquished. I think I mentioned that already. Not a great duel, particularly since at the time I thought Warrior Toolbox decks were Tier 0. You'll notice Relinquished has slightly different effects from its TCG/OCG incarnation. [spoiler='Chapter 9: Ritual Sacrifice'] “Today’s Duels will soon come to a close!!” announced the MC. “But we still have two more exciting matches! First up, Duel Academy’s number one student and master of illusion, Yamimaru!!” Yamimaru rose without emotion and calmly strode to the arena. There was plenty of polite applause and some ardent supporters, but most of the crowd was abuzz wondering just who this cold and gorgeous young man was. “His opponent!!” continued the MC, oblivious. “Is the ultimate army commander and general of generals…Burgundy!!” A tall man in a tattered cape and worn clothes stood and strode into the arena. A lot of the crowd really seemed to love him. “Do you know who he is?” Asuka asked Kidd, who happened to be next to her. “Oh! Yeah, uh, he’s a big war hero from somewhere in Africa. He was a refugee who joined the native army. They say he learned strategy by playing Duel Monsters, became general, and freed his country! …Um, even if it’s not all true, he seems pretty cool…” Asuka nodded absently. Truth be told, she didn’t care about world events much. Whatever Burgundy’s story was, he was about to duel a master.[center]Burgundy LP: 4000 – Yamimaru LP: 4000 “I begin.” Said Yamimaru. “I summon Senju of the Thousand Hands (1400/1000).” A golden statue-like being with…many…hands appeared. “When he is Normal or Flip Summoned I can add 1 Ritual Monster Card from my Deck to my hand. Turn end.” Burgundy cracked his knuckles. “I’m sure I can do better. I summon the Troop Commander (1200/400) in Attack Mode! Since he has been Normal Summoned, I may Special Summon a Level 4 or below monster from my hand, such as Gearfried the Iron Knight (1800/1600)!” The two warriors appeared; first a minimally armored soldier with two swords, and second a large knight covered completely with strange-looking black armor. “Next I equip my Troop Commander with the Divine Sword – Phoenix Blade, which raises his ATK by 300 (1200/400 ~ 1500/400). Now, Gearfried, destroy his Senju!” The armored warrior leaped forward and cleaved the gleaming statue in two. The Troop Commander followed up with a direct attack. Through it all, Yamimaru did not even blink.[/center] [center]Burgundy LP: 4000 – Yamimaru LP: 2400 “My turn.” Observed Yamimaru once Burgundy was through. “I activate the Black Illusion Ritual!” Whispers ran among the other participants as two braziers alight with purple fire arose. Between them appeared an enormous jar of gold with the Eye of Wdjat embossed upon it. “My offering to Sacrifice must total at least Level 1, which is not a difficult task. I Tribute the Ritual Raven (300/300) in my hand to summon forth…Sacrifice!” The braziers burned stronger, and their flames poured into the gold jar. The jar stretched and warped into a bizarre creature. Its was similar in form to Yamimaru’s Dark-Eyes Illusionist, as it had no torso. However, its skin was a mottled blue grey, its hands ended in thick claws, and its head was set on a forward-facing stalk. On the head glowed the Eye of Wdjat. Two protrusions like the wing covers on a giant beetle erupted from the creature’s shoulders. At the base of its torso pulsed some kind of mouth or valve. This was Sacrifice (0/0)! “Sacrifice is a monster with a variety of effects. First, it can absorb an opponent’s monster…” the abomination gave a weird cry and a vacuum began to suck from its mouth (for lack of a better word). Gearfried struggled against the wind but was ultimately swallowed up. “…then the original ATK and DEF of Sacrifice become that of the absorbed – that is, equipped – monster (0/0 ~ 1800/1600). Next, I equip Sacrifice with the Opti-Camouflage Armor.” A rainbow glow surrounded the creature for a moment. “This can only be equipped to a Level 1 monster – such as Sacrifice – and it allows the creature to strike you directly.” Sacrifice let loose its alien cry again and blasted a crackling stream of dark energy directly at Burgundy.[/center] [center]Burgundy LP: 2200 – Yamimaru LP: 2400 “If you let this keep up,” warned Yamimaru, “You will lose in two more turns. I set one card face-down and end my turn.” “Then I shall crush your monster. I Tribute my Troop Commander for the great General Freed (2300/1700)!” a long-haired blond man in gleaming armor replaced the commander. “Next I activate the Double Summon card, which I will use to call in Elemental Hero Another Neos (1900/1000)!” A young man in a white spandex suit dropped from the sky. “I lead the charge with Freed!” The gleaming general bravely charged toward the towering monstrosity before him. He leaped forth and swung his sword directly at its chest. As he jumped, however, Sacrifice lowered the protrusions on its shoulders as though they could ward off the blow. Out of them, however, erupted Gearfried. Freed could not change the direction of his swing and sliced the knight in two. “When Sacrifice would be destroyed, the equipped monster is destroyed instead (1800/1600 ~ 0/0). Additionally…you take the Battle Damage for your misdeeds.”[/center] [center]Burgundy LP: 1700 – Yamimaru LP: 2400 “I see the flaw in your creature!” shouted Burgundy. “It can defend itself but once. I strike it down with Another Neos!” The brave hero raced toward the now-helpless Sacrifice and drew back his fist. When he swung forward, though, he impacted a glowing barrier of energy. Yamimaru raised his activated Trap Card. “Draining Shield is a Normal Trap Card that negates your attack and gives me Life Points equal to its ATK.”[/center] [center]Burgundy LP: 1700 – Yamimaru LP: 4300 “Be glad it wasn’t Magic Cylinder.” Burgundy Set his sole remaining card and ended. Despite the imminent danger, he did not look defeated. Yamimaru began his turn. “I absorb Another Neos.” He said. His creature again unleashed its vacuum force, sucking in the hero (0/0 ~ 1900/1000). “My final card is Cyclone, which will destroy your face-down card.” As the violent gust destroyed the face-down – a Mirror Force – Burgundy finally collapsed in defeat. He didn’t even seem to notice the dark blast from Sacrifice. [/center] [center]Burgundy LP: 0 – Yamimaru LP: 4300 [/spoiler][/center] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr. Cakey Posted August 31, 2011 Author Report Share Posted August 31, 2011 This chapter I never finished, though I went slightly further into the story. I made an error with the effect of Jinzo - Returner.[spoiler='Chapter 10 (incomplete): Into the Infernal Eternity'] “Wow!!!” Gasped the MC. “What an amazing two turn victory by Yamimaru!! And what an amazing monster!!” The crowd cheered half-heartedly. Domination and destruction was not what the crowd wanted to watch. “We have just one more exciting match!! Please help me introduce the darkness and fire, Kageryu!!” A pale man in a strange costume with numerous buckles rose and walked to the arena. He had short but tangled light blue hair. “Now give a hand to the master of the Psychic-Style, Dominic St. Hill!!” A man dressed in dark green clothes similar to those of the famous Jinzo – as well as a similar eyepiece and having a shaved head – marched into the arena. [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center]Dominic LP: 4000 – Kageryu LP: 4000 [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center] “I go first.” Decided Dominic as he drew his cards. “I activate Graceful Charity, which permits me to draw 3 cards as long as I then discard 2.” He sent Jinzo and Mystic Tomato. “Next I Set a monster in Defense Mode and a card face-down. Go.” Kageryu drew. “Ah…interesting. I set three cards face-down. (Hand: 3) Next I Summon the Dark Crusader (1600/200) (Hand: 2), activate Double Summon, and summon the Infernity Beast (1600/1200) (Hand: 0)!” His two monsters, a creature in black armor with a skull-face and a dark canine with a large mouth appeared. “I attack with the Infernity Beast! Furthermore, since I have no cards in my hand, his effects prevents you from activating Spell or Trap Cards until the end of the Damage Step!” The black dog charged at the face-down monster, grabbed the card in its jaws and tore it apart. It revealed a bizarre pink-skinned creature with bulbous eyes and a dark skin suit. It seemed stunted somehow. “That was the Jinzo – Returner (600/1400)!” said Dominic. “When it’s sent to the Graveyard, I can revive a Jinzo (2400/1500) in my Graveyard!” The Jinzo he had sent with Graceful Charity rose up out of the ground. It looked similar to the Returner, but it was tall and seemed very strong. Kageryu smiled. “You conveniently failed to mention that it’s destroyed at the End Phase. I end.” The Jinzo rumbled and vanished in a burst of dark energy. Dominic shrugged and drew. “I activate Premature Burial, so I pay 800 Life Points and revive a monster like Jinzo!” [/center][/center] [center][center] [/center][/center] [center][center]Dominic LP: 3200 – Kageryu LP: 4000 [/spoiler] I rewrote this story several times, and this is essentially the rough draft. At this point, both the villains and the obligatory divine card(s) were both poorly thought out and a bit nonsensical. [spoiler='Chapter 11: The Secret'] In one of the many rooms of the Kaiba Dome, a meeting was in progress. Two of the participants were men, and two were women. One of the men was smoking, and one of the women was drinking from a wineglass. The room was dark but for a single candelabra with three black candles alight with blue fire. “How has the first round progressed?” asked one of the women, whose eyes glowed in the darkness. The smoking man answered. “It has gone mostly as expected, with some exceptions.” The woman with the wineglass set it down. “Our plant has expressed annoyance with her current deck. It is true that her first duel in the tournament came too close.” “She can’t use her other deck now. It would be…too much of a change.” Stated the woman with glowing eyes. “Tell her she can modify her deck. She doesn’t have to focus entirely on such a small archetype. Our other plant succeeded as well, I presume?” The smoking man removed his cigarette and shook it out. “…No. He failed.” The expression of the woman changed not at all. “Interesting. What was he defeated by?” The man lit a new cigarette and took a quick drag on it. “An Infernity deck, actually.” He confirmed. “Interesting.” The woman repeated. “How has Asuka fared?” The woman with the wineglass took a quick sip and shrugged. “She won – barely. If she keeps it up, she’ll lose and lose quickly.” The second man, who had been silent before then, then spoke. “She will succeed. She possesses the Secret…even if she does not yet have it in her deck.” “Agreed.” Said the woman. “What of the Dark Simorgh Deck? I have examined it thoroughly, and it appears quite dangerous. What are your assessments?” The smoking man removed his cigarette and frowned. “It is able to quickly seal off the opponent Setting monsters – making it a challenge to lay defenses - as well as Traps…combining it with Anti-Spell Fragrance prevents the opponent from utilizing Spells as well.” “It is not perfect.” Clarified the other man. “Its primary weakness is the necessity of removing cards from play. Its strongest monster has 2700 ATK, which is fairly low. Additionally, it requires both DARK and WIND monsters, which prevents it from using much support.” The woman nodded. “I see. Is there any more business anyone desires to attend to?” The woman with the wineglass spoke. “Yes. We have not yet detected any of the other Chosen…are we certain they are all participating in this tournament?” “[i]Yes[/i].” Hissed the other woman, her eyes glowing more fiercely. “They are [i]here[/i]. They must simply experience more challenge.” - Asuka threw herself onto her bed. [i]That was way too hard. I need to Synchro Summon. [/i]Really[i] Synchro Summon, not just a useless Magical Android[/i]. Sighing, she lifted herself off the bed, picked her deck off the table, and looked through it. [i]I love these cards, but this is [/i]not [i]enough…[/i] Suddenly, one of the cards began to glow. She flipped to it: Yamata Dragon. It began to shine more brightly. The card began to hum and flew out of her hands, where it hung in the middle of the air. It shone more and more brightly, until suddenly it stopped and fell to the ground. Nervous but also curious, Asuka approached the card slowly. She picked it up, and discovered there was another card beneath it. A Synchro! She lifted the card and tilted it in the light. It seemed legitimate, but it flickered with an unnatural light. She stared at it in wonder. Each time she turned it, a new burst of color played along it. Suddenly, the card split, and she found more cards behind it. She looked over them all. The first was Twin Light Behemoth. Behind it were other Synchros: God of Fire, Sealing Phoenix, Howling Spirit, and Accursed Dragon of Yomi. Among them were also two Spell Cards: Next World and Transmigration Evaporation, and a Trap Card called Dimension Slip. She didn’t know where these cards had come from, but at the moment she didn’t care. She knew only one thing: she was back in the game. [/spoiler] My villainous team was, in later drafts, eventually fleshed out into: [/center][/center] [list] [*]Durmur: The boring one. Basically the Nappa of the group. Only weaker. In terms of appearance and personality, he's pretty heavily based on Ganondorf. Only Ganon is worlds above this guy. [*]Caesar: I think he went through a few more name changes, but he's basically the Light Yagami of the group. Only he's the second-weakest, and so receives the least "screen time". [*]Artemis: The sadistic dominatrix. Only less whips, more fire. [*]Eve: The creepy child leader. And/or, if you're familiar with Bionicle, the Krika. Basically the character you would see the most disturbing fanart of on DeviantArt. She's probably my favorite character. In my mental outline of the story, she was one of two characters who never lost a duel. [/list] So, you can broadly see each antagonist's motivations. Durmur just wants to be the strongest. Caesar wants to rid the world of evil. Artemis likes hurting people. And Eve is swept up by destiny (or something...never quite worked that out). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr. Cakey Posted September 2, 2011 Author Report Share Posted September 2, 2011 A chapter that was 95% finished. Never got around to actually deciding what Sealing Phoenix did. Definitely not my best duel. [spoiler='Chapter 12: Ancient Shining Spirits'] That next day, the next round of the tournament began. Asuka had spent much of the night restructuring her deck to function with her shining new cards, and was exhausted, so she was glad that the round would be shorter than the previous one. After the crowd had gotten situated, the MC leaped to the podium and began to shout. “Is everyone ready to duel!!?” he asked. The crowd indicated their affirmative for the most part, though some hecklers added their own “no’s” and “maybes”. Asuka wondered why he asked, as none of them would be dueling anyway. “That’s great!!” the MC proclaimed. “So let’s not waste any more time! Please give me a hand in introducing the mistress of the winds who demonstrated her prowess so impressively yesterday: Alicia St. Hill!” As the beautiful blond walked into the arena while waving to the crowd, Asuka realized she had heard the surname before. One of the other contestants had the name St. Hill, but she might have heard somewhere else as well… “Next, the mysterious wielder of spirits who also showed her success yesterday, Asuka!!” Asuka was surprised to discover she dueled so soon, but she was pleased. She was also glad to know she could finally defeat Alicia for real! [center]Asuka LP: 4000 – Alicia LP: 4000[/center] [center] “You don’t have a chance!” sneered Alicia. “You pulled out all the stops to beat your last opponent, and he was second-rate. Watch!” she drew. “I summon the Whirlwind Prodigy (1500/1600)!” a blond kid with tousled hair appeared of a gust of wind. “He’s pretty handy, you know, because he counts as two Tributes for a WIND monster. Once I use Double Summon, I can use that effect to summon the Simorgh, Bird of Divinity (2700/1000)!” The Prodigy vanished for an enormous green bird with multiple tails and a crown-like shape upon its head. Alicia then set two cards. As she ended, the bird let lose an enormous hurricane. It didn’t seem to affect Alicia at all, but it struck Asuka head-on. [/center] [center]Asuka LP: 3000 – Alicia LP: 4000[/center] [center] “Oh yeah,” added Alicia. “My Simorgh inflicts 1000 damage to both of us at each End Phase, but that’s decreased by 500 for every Spell or Trap Card we have. Go ahead, though!” “Asuka cracked her knuckles and drew. [i]Excellent[/i], she thought. “I activate Next World. This lets me Special Summon a Spirit from my hand with a Level the same as a monster you control – that is, seven. I’ll choose my Yamata Dragon (2600/3100)!” Out of a swirling portal rose the eight-headed dragon, which began to snarl at the green bird. “Next is Transmigration Evaporation.” She activated a card depicting the Yamata Dragon launching a spray of fire at a number of cards. “I can only activate this card while I control a Spirit, and it lets me destroy Spell and Trap Cards equal to the number of Spirits on the field plus one – in this case, two.” Both of Alicia’s face-down cards shattered. Once again her Mirror Force went unused, as well as a Set Premature Burial that had obviously been placed to ward off the power of Simorgh. “It doesn’t matter.” Pointed out Alicia. “My Simorgh is still stronger than your dragon.” Asuka grinned. “But soon it will be gone. I initiate Transmigration Synchro Summon!” The crowd began to murmur among themselves. Alicia looked annoyed. “Transmigration Synchro Summon? There’s no such thing. I know.” Asuka’s smile widened. “I guess there must be. Transmigration Synchro Summon is conducted only with Spirits. It requires one, very specific monster. In this case, the Yamata Dragon transmigrates into the Twin Light Behemoth (2800/2300)!” The Yamata Dragon transformed into light and began to shift. It reformed as a golden dragon with two heads. Light glowed in its mouths. “Twin Light Behemoth, destroy the Bird of Divinity!” commanded Asuka. The dragon’s two mouths opened, and light poured out of them, vaporizing the bird. [/center] [center]Asuka LP: 3000 – Alicia LP: 3900[/center] [center] “Next I set two cards face-down, and I end my turn. Since I do, I have to return one of my cards to my hand to keep my Twin Light Behemoth in play.” She selected one of those face-downs and returned it. Alicia hissed and drew. Due to her ferocious first move, she now had only two cards including what she had just picked up. In the end, she angrily set a monster and a face-down card. Asuka drew unconcernedly. “Alright, I’ll summon the Maharaghi (1200/1700).” the strange bird-statue appeared out of a light burst. “Summoning it lets me check the top card of my deck, and keep it there or send it to the bottom.” She looked at the card – which was Yata-Garasu – and returned it. “Next I’ll attack your face-down with the Twin Light Behemoth!” The dragon charged up light in its mouth. As it was about to fire, however, Alicia activated her face-down trap: Reactive Armor. As it activated, a plume of explosive force launched out and slammed into the behemoth. Instead of shattering, one of the dragon’s heads was burned away (2800/2300 ~ 1400/2300). Alicia looked angry. “Hey, what gives!?” she snapped. “Your dragon should be history!” Asuka shrugged. “The Twin Light Behemoth has another effect, actually. Instead of being destroyed, it can lose a head – which halves its ATK. Obviously, this can only be used once. Either way, I continue my attack!” The truncated behemoth let out a much weaker stream of light. It struck the face-down card and revealed a metallic blue bird, the Stealth Bird (700/1700), which ignored the blast. [/center] [center]Asuka LP: 2700 – Alicia LP: 3900[/center] [center] Asuka groaned and set a face-down, and then returned the Mahraghi to her hand in for her Twin Light Behemoth. Alicia drew her card with determination. “I use the effect of my Stealth Bird to flip it face-down, and then I Flip Summon it. When the Stealth Bird is Flip Summoned, you take 1000 damage!” the bird flapped its wings, sending a barrage of feathery needles at Asuka. [/center] [center]Asuka LP: 1700 – Alicia LP: 3900[/center] [center] “Next,” added Alicia, “I activate Swallow’s Nest! This destroys one of my Winged-Beasts, and Special Summons one of the same level. I’ll choose another Stealth Bird.” A mysterious machine rose up out of the ground and sucked in her first Stealth Bird, and spat out another. “Next, I’ll flip him face-down. Good enough?” Asuka grinned. “Not really. I initiate a second Transmigration Synchro Summon! This one requires any number of Spirit monsters with a total Level of 7. So now, my Twin Light Behemoth transmigrates into the Accursed Dragon on Yomi (2500/2300)!” the injured dragon transformed into bright light and began to shift, this time into a dark, spiny serpent with shrunken arms. “Next, I attack your Stealth Bird with my Accursed Dragon!” the serpent roared and slithered forward to attack. “Forget it!” snapped Alicia. “I activate God Bird Attack! So I Tribute a Winged Beast -” her face-down crackled with energy. “ – and destroy two cards on the field!” The energy consumed the card and fired at the dragon and one of her face-downs. Asuka’s own face-down card activated. “Meet the Falling into Yomi Counter Trap.” She said. “I can activate this if I control a Spirit monster, though it requires me to pay 500 Life Points.” [/center] [center]Asuka LP: 1200 – Alicia LP: 3900[/center] [center] “Anyway, Falling into Yomi can negate a Spell or Trap Card, or the Normal Summon of a monster. So now I negate God Bird Attack!” As she spoke, a dark void swallowed up the crackling energy. With that, the Accursed Dragon continued its attack and bit Alicia. [/center] [center]Asuka LP: 1200 – Alicia LP: 1400[/center] [center] “I summon back Maharaghi, so I can check the top card of my deck again.” she picked it up, finding her Dark Designator, which she sent to the bottom of her deck. Maharaghi returned to her hand once again by the effect of her Accursed Dragon. Alicia’s hand was shaking as she drew. She looked at her drawn card for a long time, and played it after a moment. “I activate Monster Reborn to bring back my Simorgh, Bird of Divinity!” the green bird swooped out of a gust of wind and screeched. “And now I attack your dragon!” the bird let loose a huge hurricane, destroying the dragon. [/center] [center]Asuka LP: 1000 – Alicia LP: 1400[/center] [center] As Alicia’s turn ended, a wind blast was released from her Simorgh, buffeting both players. [/center] [center]Asuka LP: 500 – Alicia LP: 400[/center] [center] Asuka drew serenely. She had only a smattering of monsters in her hand, which meant that at the end of the turn, if nothing changed, the game would result in a draw through Simorgh’s effect. In that collection, however, was a secret Asuka had been saving up. “I summon the Yata-Garasu (200/100)!” said Asuka, and a raven-like being faded into existence. The crowd murmured at simply seeing such a rare and legendary card. “And now…” Asuka continued, smiling. “I conduct Transmigration Synchro Summon, so that my Yata-Garasu transmigrates into the Sealing Phoenix (800/500)!” [/spoiler][/center] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr. Cakey Posted September 12, 2011 Author Report Share Posted September 12, 2011 This chapter is simultaneously one that I like, and one that seriously needs to go through a thorough rewrite. [spoiler='Chapter 13: Darkness Gear'] Asuka returned to her seat, pleased with the performance of her deck, and that she defeated Alicia irrefutably. After her loss, Alicia had fallen to pieces at her seat, attempting and failing to cry into Yamimaru’s shoulder. He was paying no attention to her at all, and instead seemed to be rearranging his deck. Kidd looked like he very much wanted to do the same, but was fearful that Alicia would lash out at him. The MC jumped up at the conclusion of the duel and congratulated both participants in a volley of adjectives. He then introduced the next duelists, who were Mina with her Lightning Gears and Xander’s Dark Simorgh deck. Xander walked to the arena with little concern, smoothing his black hair with a casual hand. Mina, on the other hand, seemed nervous and jumpy as she walked. Asuka had hoped dearly Mina could win, but she knew her failure was inevitable. Xander summoned his Dark Simorgh almost instantly, though Mina attempted to counter with her Lightning Gear Thunder Dragon. As she had hoped, she was able to destroy it, but Xander demonstrated the power of his deck by immediately reviving it. He followed up with an impressive maneuver, suiciding his Slate Warrior on the dragon to weaken it before finishing it off with the Dark Simorgh. It did not last much longer. A defeated Mina stumbled from the arena. Asuka saw something different on her face, but could not identify it. The MC began to announce the next duel, but was interrupted by the sound of a muffled explosion from the Kaiba Dome lobby. The MC then received a confidential message, after which he declared that – due to an unforeseen emergency – the next duel would be postponed for a brief period. Softer explosions followed the first. After a few moments, Asuka decided she had to find out was happening, and rose. Yamimaru had the same idea, and Kidd followed him nervously. The lobby was in ruins. At first, Asuka couldn’t see what had caused the destruction, and then everything clicked. In the center of the lobby was a large dragon of composed of bones. It roared, and dug its claws into the floor. Asuka could see that the claws really scored the floor – the dragon was [i]real[/i]. Next to the dragon, laughing insanely, was Mina. Her school uniform was torn in several places and covered in blood. When she turned to look at her observers, Asuka could see her eyes were totally black. Her face was twisted with an expression of both hate and delight. “Sorry about the mess.” She giggled, waving a hand vaguely around the room. “It’s just that I used those pathetic Lightning Gears for so [i]long[/i], and I just needed to…let it all out.” The bone dragon, which Asuka now recognized as Ryu Kotsuki, bellowed again and began to charge at them. Asuka dove desperately aside, spraining her ankle in her haste. Yamimaru rolled aside as well, hauling Kidd unceremoniously with him. The Ryu Kotsuki slammed instead into the wall, crumpling it in and dislodging scree from the ceiling. “Is this what you really are?” demanded a challenging voice from the direction of the stadium. Mina turned toward the voice, and Asuka took advantage of her distraction to scramble upright. The source of the voice was a tall, brown-haired man with muscular arms and bright-colored clothing. He was pointing an accusing, white-gloved hand at Mina. She tilted her head and stared at the newcomer with curiosity. “Oh, Hiro, I thought you would be too busy to come.” She said lazily. “Yes, this is really me. Could’ve fooled you, huh?” she laughed unsteadily. Hiro glared at her. “Let’s see your darkness stand up to this! I challenge you to a duel!” he proclaimed. Mina began to laugh even harder. “Sure,” she panted as her laughter subsided, “sure. I’ve been wanting to test this deck for [i]ages[/i].” She fixed her Duel Disk to her arm and withdrew the deck from it. With a snarl of contempt, she hurled the deck away, sending the cards flying in every direction. Among them, Asuka could see the Lightning Gears. Mina then took out another deck and slid into the disk. “I will burn away the darkness clouding your mind!” promised Hiro. Mina began to giggle again. [center]Hiro LP: 4000 – Mina LP: 4000[/center] [center] “You’re not the only one with a modified deck.” Hiro said as he drew. “I summon Elemental Hero The Heat (1600/1200)!” A well-muscled man in a red-orange suit with flame designs leaped out of a burst of fire. “The Heat gains 200 ATK for every Elemental Hero I control, including himself (1600/1200 ~ 1800/1200). “I’ll back him up with a face-down card, and finish.” Mina drew, looked at her card, and sniggered. “I use Call of the Mummy, a Continuous Spell Card. Once per turn, while I have no monsters, I can Special Summon a Zombie-Type from my hand. So many choices…I know!” she pulled out one of the cards. “I summon Hell’s Gatekeeper, the Ill Blood (2100/800)!” A small hand burst out of the ground, followed by the rest of the creature. It had a huge torso and small limbs, topped by a shadowy head with glowing eyes. It wore clothing similar to a jail uniform, and a ball and chain was attached to its right leg. “Do you know your cards, Hiro? Ill Blood is a Gemini Monster, so I need to Second Summon for it to get teeth. I haven’t Normal Summoned this turn, so I suppose I could do that now.” The Ill Blood glowed with dark power and let out a strange yowl. “You know the effect of Ill Blood?” queried Mina. Hiro had to admit that he did not. “Anybody? Yamimaru, you must know!” she sneered. Yamimaru smoothed his hair. The expression on his face was as close to fear as Asuka had seen it. It still seemed like little more than concern. “Yes, I do know the effects of Ill Blood. You want me to recite it…?” Mina nodded energetically, which set off another round of giggles. Yamimaru ignored it and began. “Ill Blood is a DARK Zombie and Gemini Monster. Once it is Second Summoned, you can Special Summon a Zombie from your hand or either player’s Graveyard once each turn. When Ill Blood is removed from the field, all monster summoned by its effect are destroyed.” “Sure, tell him that!” Mina said, laughing darkly. She sobered in a sudden snap. “Not that it makes any difference. I use Ill Blood’s effect to summon Darkness Gear Gokuen (2400/1400)!” The Hell Gatekeeper’s chest began to bulge and shift. It divided down the middle, and out of that a damaged, rusted claw thrust out. The rest of the unknown entity hauled itself out of the gatekeeper. The creature was as damaged as its arm. Its form was similar to the Lightning Gear Cherry Fire, with a canine form and wings. Blue fire spurted from several places on its body, including its wings and heart. “Now for the fun part!” announced Mina, as her Gokuen roared and unleashed a blast of blue flames at The Heat. “You wish!” said Hiro. “I activate Different Dimension Tunnel – Mirror Gate! I can use this when an Elemental Hero is attacked, and it switches control of the monsters.” The entire field scrambled and shifted, until the two monsters reversed positions. The destruction of The Heat continued unabated. [/center] [center]Hiro LP: 4000 – Mina LP: 3400[/center] [center] Mina set a card and finished. As she did, the Malevolent Mech returned to her field in an unscrambling of facets. Hiro then drew. “I activate the Fusion Gate Field Spell!” he said. A huge, dark portal appeared in the air overhead. Its energies rotated slowly. “The Fusion Gate lets us fuse without Polymerization, which I’ll do. Combine: Elemental Heroes Sparkman and Clayman to make Elemental Hero Thunder Giant (2400/1500)!” The listed heroes appeared out of his hand and swirled into the portal. Out of it emerged a large man in a round, yellow suit. Energy crackled from its palms. Hiro’s confidence swelled with the arrival of his hero. “Now I can use Thunder Giant’s effect! I toss one card for fuel –” he discarded Elemental Hero Necroman (1600/1800). “ – and Thunder Giant destroys one of your monsters with ATK lower than his own!” The mighty hero unleashed a blast of lightning at the Ill Blood, which shattered. The Darkness Gear Gokuen, deprived of the creature that had given it life, exploded. Hiro commanded the Thunder Giant to attack Mina directly. Its energy blast was about to strike Mina when it was deflected by a field of energy. [/center] [center]Hiro LP: 4000 – Mina LP: 5800[/center] [center] Mina was laughing hysterically as she held up her Draining Shield card. Hiro groaned. “You’re just stalling. Put up something and keep it out!” “Keep it out?” asked Mina. “But Zombies don’t stay out. They die and come back again and again and again and again and again and again…” she trailed off as she drew. “Sometimes they die before they live. Angel’s Charity! I draw three cards, but throw away two.” She drew her new cards with glee, and then sent Mezuki (1700/800) and Vampire Lord (2000/1500) to the Graveyard. “Now I use Call of the Mummy to Special Summon the Scorching Zombie (1600/400).” A stumbling, fiery creature burst out of the ground. “When Scorching Zombie’s Special Summoned, I get a card. Next I summon the Zombie Carrier (400/200).” a small, mismatched rotting creature pulled itself out of the ground. She giggled. “Zombie Carrier’s a Tuner, so this bit’s kind of a head trip. I tune Zombie Carrier (Level: 2) and Scorching Zombie (Level: 4) to make…” the Zombie Carrier stretched and became a number of rings which swirled around the Scorching Zombie, which transformed into light. It became larger, larger, swelling and gaining once-rich robes. Mina was laughing again. “…the Resurrected Dark Ruler Ha Des (2450/0)!” The being she had summoned was large, with a demonic face and huge hands. Its torso had upon it a huge skull. Hiro compared the dark lord on Mina’s field with the brave hero on his and winced. “I attack Thunder Gia – ” Mina tilted head sharply to one side. “Just a second…I didn’t…didn’t…” her head snapped back into position. “I remove Mezuki in my Graveyard from play. When I do, I can Special Summon a Zombie from my Graveyard!” An eerie yowl sounded out as the familiar form of the Ill Blood hauled itself out of the ground. “[i]Now[/i] I attack Thunder Giant with the resurrected Dark Ruler!” the undead king raised his arms and sent out a volley of dark energy from his sleeves at the Thunder Giant, destroying it in an instant. [/center] [center]Hiro LP: 3950 – Mina LP: 5800[/center] [center] “I end – aw, not again! Ill Blood, sic him!” as she spoke, the gatekeeper’s chest split open and the hand of some undead creature shot out and whipped blindly at Hiro before retracting. [/center] [center]Hiro LP: 1850 – Mina LP: 5800[/center] [center] Hiro drew, looking very ready for a comeback. “Time for another round with Fusion Gate!” he announced. “I fuse my second Clayman here with Elemental Hero Burst Lady!” Once again, his two heroes swirled into the portal, and emerged in their new form as the Elemental Hero Rampart Blaster (2000/2500). Once again, the hero was large and rounded, but this time appeared more mechanical, and was armed with a shield and some kind of missile launcher. “The Rampart Blaster is just what I needed! While she’s in Defense Mode, she can attack directly!” [/center] [center]Hiro LP: 1850 – Mina LP: 4800[/center] [center] Mina sneered at the shots. “Hey, this…what happened to…it doesn’t hurt!” she started to get angry. “What happened to the Shadow Game? I don’t get it…everything was real before…my little Dragon Bone Demon was real…” she looked like she was about to cry, then brightened. “My Ryukotsuki! That’d solve the problem with your stupid Rampart Blaster. Um…let’s see…I’ll Second Summon Ill Blood!” Once again the Hell’s Gatekeeper glowed with power. At Mina’s command, it burst open, reviving the Scorching Zombie, which in turn allowed her to draw a card. When she looked at it, her face became gloomy, and she ended with just a set card. Hiro looked at his draw, shrugged, and had his Rampart Blaster launch another barrage at Mina. [/center] [center]Hiro LP: 1850 – Mina LP: 3800[/center] [center] Mina drew her card with an excited flourish, only to again be denied her hope. Instead, she played Card of Safe Return. “I love this card. With it, every time a monster Special Summoned from my Graveyard, I get to draw a card. Now I use Ill Blood to revive…hell, my favorite: Darkness Gear Gokuen!” As the broken, fiery creature dragged itself out of the Ill Blood, Mina drew her card. “I can feel it!” she insisted. Hiro drew, and fired once more on Mina. [/center] [center]Hiro LP: 1850 – Mina LP: 2800[/center] [center] “This could be good…” giggled Mina. “I Tribute my Scorching Zombie for the Noble d’Noir (2000/1400)!” A dark gust swirled around the zombie and replaced it with a blue-skinned vampire in elegant black armor. “But actually that’ll be it.” Hiro drew once more. “I was saving this up for a good time, and this seems good enough. I use the effect of Necroman in my Graveyard, which lets me Normal Summon an Elemental Hero without Tribute. Take a look and meet Elemental Hero Edgeman (2600/1800)!” Out of the sky swooped a tall hero in gleaming gold armor and blades on his arms. “Let’s start with Rampart Blaster’s direct attack!” shouted Hiro. The Elemental Hero unleashed another barrage of missiles at Mina, but they suddenly deflected and hit the Darkness Gear Gokuen, which was unharmed. Gokuen retaliated with a burst of blue fire. Since it was in Defense Position the Rampart Blaster was not destroyed, but Hiro still took damage. [/center] [center]Hiro LP: 1450 – Mina LP: 2800[/center] [center] Mina was doubled over, laughing hysterically. When she caught her breath she said, between gasps. “The Noble d’Noir lets me pick your attack targets!” when she finished she started laughing all over again and fell to her knees. “Alright, what’s so funny!?” demanded Hiro, getting fed up. Unsteadily, Mina got to her feet and cracked her neck. “Everything!” she said, spreading her arms in a vague, all-encompassing gesture. “Duelists who don’t know the cards, cops who can’t catch criminals, this parody of a Shadow Game!” She blinked. “Every god that has ever made this world their stage. All of it. Is. [i]Hilarious[/i]!” With her final statement, she fell down laughing once again. Once it subsided, she raised her head. “Come on, finish your turn Hiro, I’m almost done with you!” “Really? Elemental Hero Edgeman, attack Ill Blood!” “Redirected to Gokuen.” Panted Mina, pulling herself to her feet once more as the attack connected, destroying her prized creature. [/center] [center]Hiro LP: 1450 – Mina LP: 2600[/center] [center] “I don’t need Ryukotsuki!” she giggled. “I just need to use one card: Coercive Magic Eyes!” as she activated the card, a dark energy rose around her Noble d’Noir. It flowed from the vampire and washed over the two Elemental Heroes. There was a flash of power, and the two heroes were thrown backwards. “I can use Coercive Magic Eyes when I have a Zombie with 2000 or less ATK, and it lets that Zombie attack directly for a turn!” Hiro saw his defeat as the vampiric noble swept his cloak wide, sending forth a swarm of bat-like shadows which slammed into Hiro and threw him backwards. [/center] [center]Hiro LP: 0 – Mina LP: 2800[/center] [center] “Finally, this is more like a Shadow Game!” exclaimed Mina. “Let’s try something basic. But which one…well, Ha Des seems like a good choice, right?” her eyes were light with merriment as she flicked her hand toward Hiro. “Finish him.” She sneered. Asuka stared in shock as the Dark Ruler raised his arms once again and blasted a storm of dark energy directly at Hiro. When it ended, there was nothing left. “Good god…” she whispered. Yamimaru kept a tight rein on his emotions, but he still bit his lip so hard it bled. Mina looked over with some surprise. “You’re still here, huh? Here, I have some tips for you. Listen…or don’t. First of all, there are four Raging Spirits. You might have beaten gale once, but that was just a test run and he wants another go. I get this right from the source, you know. My second tip is this: there are four spirits, and four of you. I only know two of you right now, and they only know one, but there are four. [i]Don’t[/i] take on the spirits until you have all four…there could be consequences.” She shrugged and began to walk out the door. Her monsters had disappeared. “Trust me…or don’t. I’m betting on the winners…and right now, you don’t look like those kinds of people.” She winked. “Good luck anyway, though!” she began her insane, off-kilter laughter again as she left. It echoed and slowly faded as she disappeared. [/spoiler][/center] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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