Awoken - Nightmare

[вєgσттєη ιηѕαηιту]

[spoiler=Chapter 1 The Storm]

“Tom... Tom....” The bed begins too shake and everything becomes steadily brighter. “Tom! Wake up, you are going to be late!” Tom sat up and looked into his palms, a tear drops and shows a reflection.

“Sarah... Ill be up for Breakfast soon, let me take a shower.”

“OK, ill make some toast. Do you want eggs?”

“Sure...”

Sarah walks away as the pain fills deep into Tom's heart. “I have to tell him...” Tom whispers into his palms as he rests his head on the tear drop that he had shed. Depression sets in quickly and spreads like a disease, it was an apocalypse in his heart, threatening to kill all living emotions inside him until he became no more. He would become nothing. Tom sat up and wiped his face. “I will not let my self become that person.” He undressed and got into the shower.

* * *

The adrenaline rushed through his body, blood coursing and heart pounding. The winding track up ahead becoming closer and closer as the anticipation climbs in his body. He steadily reaches the top of the hill looking over at Brian too his left. His face was pale, and his breathing thin. They both gasped for air as the train went over the hill and took a sharp turn to the right and dove straight down.

The people in the cars behind him screamed, but the fear was artificial to Daniel. He'd been through worse. His mind raced back to the car crash that killed his father and hospitalized himself. The spinning haunted him. The screams of his dad and his fellow coaster riders blended together. Reality blurred with memory. Now the terror was real.

He gripped his harness and tried to scream out, but the rushing air simply deflected his scream, pinning it helplessly against his mouth. The centrifugal force pinned him to his seat. His harness flashed into a seat belt, and back again. Brian's screams faded and his Dad's became real, all too real! The ride slowed down and stopped.

"Are you okay," called Brian, as if from another world, "You look sick.".

Daniel looked around in a daze and saw the people around him. "I'm fine..." He climbed out of the train. He felt queasy, like he was going to throw up. He was angry at himself for letting his fear get the better of himself. For letting his friends see him as weak.

His face alternated burning red with embarrassment, and white with terror.

"Was that AWESOME or what?" Alex yelled from the back seat. Daniel zoned him out, only noticing Brian's replies.

He stuttered out "yeah, I know". He felt glad to see that his friends hadn't seen him terrorized, paralyzed. His friends still saw the unphased him, the him that was Brave, and always kept his cool. They had no idea of what he was like when real catastrophes arose. They never saw him as he all too often saw himself: A coward under fire.

Then came the pain. The burning in the back of his throat that lead too the solid liquid that is true to pain. Daniel stepped back and looked at the ride he had just ridden and the ones that are going to get on. He turned around and rested his hand on a wall and the other on his stomach. Brian looked over at him.

“Alex.” Brian says when nudging his shoulder.

Alex honed in on Daniel and walked over and put his hand on Daniel's back. “It will be OK buddy, if you need too puke let it out.”

He swallowed it, it burned like hell, but he swallowed it. “I’m fine, just a little banged up, What is next?”

* * *

“The warm embrace of the one you love cheers the soul, but cleanses no wounds.” Tom read on his “Quote of the Day” app on his phone. This had him thinking, should he spend more time with Sarah? He spends all of his day at the lab.

“There just is not enough hours of the day...”

Sarah calls from down the hall.

“What do you mean honey?” Tom says as he takes a sip of coffee. He sits his phone down and looks at the news paper. “Top News! Alpine Company Developed New Depression Medicine”. Tom felt that everything he did lead too some “Top News Label”, but he feels like he does not do enough.

“I mean that we don’t get too have any fun anymore, you know what I mean?”

Tom look up at the hallway to see a leg sticking out into the kitchen but her body was hidden by the wall.

“I think that you should ditch work today.” She said as he peeks her head around the corner.

“now you know that I cant do that, some people rely on me you know.” Tom sat his coffee down and put on his coat. He sat on the top of his chair and peered into his hallway.

“I think we should have a little fun.” Sarah shows a little more of her leg showing the bottom of a short red velvet Lingerie.

“Listen, I have a lot of work too do.” Tom walks around the corner and Sarah has too look up at him. Tom kisses her. “I will be back tonight ok?”

“Then can we go too the movies or something?” She says as she leans into his chest. Her head and one of her hands on his chest while the other hugs around him.

Tom laughs, “sure thing, we can go watch a scary movie.”

Sarah stands up straight and gives him an evil stare. “you know that those things give me nightmares.”

“I was only kidding.” Tom kisses her and turns around. When he walks out the door Sarah walks into the living room and turns on the t.v.

* * *

“As long as you say you are ok...” Alex says as he looks up too the sky.

“I dont think we will be doing anymore rides for now, it looks like its about to storm.”

Overcoming his nausea Daniel looked at Brian. “How is that fair?”

“Well it isnt, lets just get something to eat at the burger stand there.”

“ok.” Daniel said as he walked over too the stand. The man at the stand was tall and was listening to an ipod, loud enough for Daniel too hear. He couldnt make out what the song was but he decided not to be curious.

“What would u guys like?” the man asked.

“Just.. hold on... Alex, what do you want? Ill pay for this one.” Brian said.

“Just a plain burger, and im paying for my part.” Alex said as he reached into his back pocket and pulled out a wallet.

“Uhm... I dont have any more money left Brian.. but if you dont mind id like a plain burger.” Daniel felt like he was a terrible friend, letting brian pay for his food, just didnt sit too well for him but he decided to let it pass. Right as alex pulled out a 10 dollar bill the wind picked up and his money went flying out of his hand. He ran after it, disappearing around a corner.

“Ill pay for both of you,” Brian whispered into Daniel's ear. Daniel looked up to see lightning strike, it struck the railing of one of the roller coasters. This made Daniel realize why they shut down the rides during storms.

The man at the stand handed Brian three burgers, and Brian handed him a 20 Dollar Bill. Daniel didnt notice the change he got back because he was looking for where Alex disappeared off too.

“Come on, you can pick the seat.” Brian said as he tapped Daniel's shoulder.
[/spoiler]
[spoiler=Chapter 2 Bad Work Ethic (not finished)]

Tom pulled into the Apline Co. Parking Lot. He sat idleing in his “selected” spot. Tom was staring at the words on the sign, “Programers Only”. Most of the members of Alpine Co. do not even know what kind of work he does, or how disastrous it can be. Setting the coffee cup inbetween his legs Tom leans over to unbuckle his seat belt when the coffee spills over his leg. Tom welcomed the pain, it was the stress release he was waiting for. When the buckle zipped back into the holder above his seat Tom reached into the glove compartment and grabbed a few napkins that read, “McDonalds” at the top.

They soaked up all of the coffee leaving a slightly damp stain on his legs. Luckily it was casual friday and his shirt went lower than the stain and he didnt have to worry about others seeing the stain, he had avoided future embarrassment. He gathered up his stuff and opened the door. Stepping out of the car came with sudden remorse for comeing to work. He knew what lied ahead, but he doesnt like to speak or think of it. The building towered ahead, but that didnt matter. The real job was below, in the dark and dusk bottoms of the Alpine Co. His desk, in room 20 or floor B50, with no window and the hint of mold, only made him pray to go home to Sarah.

* * *

The phone rang, daniel looked down too see that Samantha had texted him. “Come over to Drop Zone when you are done with your ride. I was hoping we could hang out.” Daniel looked at Brian. Then he looked up too see that the sky had cleared.

Brian nodded, “Go be with her, we will go ride stunt coaster. Just give me your trash when you are done eating and run off.”

Daniel looked in awe, “How did you know she texted me?”

Brian took a second too think, “The look on your face, and who else would text you?”

“You do have a point...” Daniel said eating the last bite of his sandwitch. “I will meet up with you guys later.” He said as he walked off, trash in hand. Brian watched as the tall, skinny, brown haired boy threw away his trash, and the Idiot Boy came running back around the corner.

* * *

Sam was half way through the line of drop zone when Daniel walked up.

“Come on, the people here wont mind!” Sam yelled over the roar of the machine as the people above plunge 50 feet, only held on by the latches over their shoulders and their sheer wit.

“I think I will sit back here!” Daniel yelled right as the machine dropped to the bottom and 40 people took in a deep breath. The wind came rushing into the faces of the people in line. The man blocking the gate let the next 40 people in, and by the looks of it Sam was going to be in the next drop.

“Just get in line, these people really dont care.” Sam said smiling at him happily. Daniel looked over as the dark and haunting machine began to rise again, another 50 feet up.

“The short seconds of terror are worth it, just go with her,” Daniel thought too himself as he hopped the gate and gave sam a bear like hug.

“Took you long enough, we will be in the next drop.” She said as she grabbed Daniels hand. They watched as the machine rose higher and higher. The anticipation built in Daniel and he realized that Sam might find out how much of a coward he truly is.

* * *
Keys jingling together in his pocket Tom walked up too the giant steel door. It has a hexagonal carving in it that he places his hand it. It glows green and a red lazer beam zips down past his hand. The door opens a cold air rushes to meet Tom's face.

“Welcome Back Thomas,” a computer representation of his boss says, “We have been awaiting your return.”

“You've been awaiting jack,” Tom grumbles under his voice as he walks down the hall. Passing up rooms 9 and 10. He peered into room 11. “hmph. Empty, probably in the break room...” Taking the closest left there was Tom walked in to meet his long time friend, also the guy who got him into Alpine Co., Allen.

"Long time no see bro, how have you been?" Allen says looking at Tom like he had gone missing for three weeks.

"Ive been in B40 all last week programing, that stuff isnt easy."

"I never thought it was, hows the patient doing?"

Tom sighs and looks at the ground. He quickly looks back up hiding any pain he had felt, "We believe he is close to having a breakdown and will probably revive with a few health issues."

"How is your projection?" Alex asked.

"We are not supposed to talk about that..." Tom said as he walked away and down the hallway.
* * *
[/spoiler]

[Nathanael D. Striker]

I see grammar errors. ill should be I'll. "If you are going to write with quotes," said Striker. "You should follow this model." Interesting so far and I cannot wait to see more.

[вєgσттєη ιηѕαηιту]

im not really worried about gramatical errors quite yet, i really just want to finish the story XD

[Sleepy]

You are mixing the words "to" and "too", which I find rather annoying (not to offend or anything)

To tell the truth, I came here without knowing what this was going to be about and still don't know after the first chapter. Is this a fan fic of some series or your own original work or what is it?
I can see a "scene" in which I want to focus on. Then * * * happens and the situation completely changes just when I'm starting to get what's happening.

First: I think he was waking up? Haunted by some sort of unspecified depression. It is described how he is feeling bad about something, I just didn't quite figure out what. Especially since I still don't quite know who is who.
Second: This is now someone else that is not the person from the first part (I think?) remembering a car accident where his dad died and he got traumatized ever since. I believe that is all the point of this part.
Third: Someone going to work and his wife(?) trying to stop him because she wants to suddenly have sex with him or something, without caring about his job at all. I think its the same guy as in the first part.
Fourth: I got that its now (back again) the guy of the second part. I don't really know what they are doing. It gave me the idea of an amusement park but I don't know anything else about it.

Actually, I didn't finish the fourth part. With all due respect this sounds pretty random to me. >.<"
It took me effort to try to get into the story but I just couldn't.
Haven't opened spoiler for the second chapter but if its unfinished I think I saw enough.

I don't do fan fics myself but I think at least I can give this piece of advice:
Don't post unfinished work. People won't mind if you take a lot of time to post something as long as it is safely finished, proofread and all that, but it doesn't look too good when you post things before finishing them as if you had tons of followers already (as far as I saw, I was the only post and only view on this topic when I started writing). It only shows that the work is rushed...

I hope I did not sound too mean with this ¬_¬"

[вєgσттєη ιηѕαηιту]

thank you for the honest review, the story as follows

Tom is a Programer for the company Alpine Company, the company is doing underground work on life simulations, they are collections information on how people react in certain situations. Each programer has a "Projection" that they are in charge of in side of a Life Simulation. The person in the life simulation is in an induced coma and is in a Controlled Dream. Daniel's mother died at birth and his dad died in a car accident. While in the hospital, he had no one to pay for him, so Alpine co. bought him for testing, being that he was already in a coma, when he began to wake from his coma they began to enduce it and keep placeing dreams into his head. Daniel believes that he woke from his coma and was adopted. But while at the amusement park he begins to see patterns in the weather and way the people around him are acting, he believes that these are just Daja veu, but they are really problems in the programming, that Tom has been sent to try and fix, but instead he goes and tells Daniel what is going on, and that it is illegal. When Alpine Co. finds out that daniel know they try too just kill him but Tom is using his programing skills too keep Daniel alive, by locking the door and changing the life simulation in ways to help daniel. The problem as too why Daniel cant just wake up is because there are three Fire Walls in the programing of the simulation, and Daniel has to break them too escape and show the world that Alpine Co. Is really up too.