Life at Masters Dragon School

[Alice Moonflowyr]

Okay, as the name suggests, this is a book that is 100% about dragons. It starts with a dragon named Silverthorn....
[spoiler=Chapter 1][size="2"]Silverthorn was new at Masters Dragon School. Although she was adept at summoning crystals and breathing small clouds of freezing cold mist, she wasn’t quite sure she would fit in. [/size]

[size="2"] Her first class was Breath Magic. She was sure she was going to flunk it, because all she could do was make mist. She sat next to a flame-red dragon. When it was her turn to go up, she went to the front of the classroom.[/size]

[size="2"] “Take your pick.” The teacher told her.[/size]

[size="2"] “W-what do mean, Professor Flamebreath?” Silverthorn asked.[/size]

[size="2"] “What do you want to try your breath on?” Professor Flamebreath asked her. “The leaves, coal, water, dirt, or stone?” Silverthorn picked water. She breathed mist out on to the water and it froze solid! [/size]

[size="2"] “I DID IT!” she yelled. “I did it, I did it!” [/size]

[size="2"] “Nice.” The flame-red dragon said. [/size]

[size="2"]Next it was his turn. He chose the coal. With a roar, flame poured out of his maw, and set the coal on fire! He went back and sat down back in his seat.[/size]

[size="2"] “Oh, by the way, my name is Flamethrower.” He said. [/size]

[size="2"] After that, the two were best friends. You rarely saw one without the other. After Breath Magic, it was writing class. They were supposed to write their names.[/size]

[size="2"] It kinda flopped for both of them.[/size]

[size="2"] [/size][size="2"] As they walked to their next class, they saw their friend Avalanche whispering to a green dragon.[/size]

[size="2"] “What are you two talking about?” asked Flamethrower.[/size]

[size="2"] “Oh, I’m playing a little trick on Master.” Avalanche replied.[/size]

[size="2"] “What kind of prank?” asked Silverthorn. [/size]

[size="2"] “Oh, you’ll see. And my names Evergreen.” The green dragon told her.[/size]

[size="2"] When they got to their next class, they saw Evergreen and Avalanche whispering in a corner.[/size]

[size="2"]“ATTEN-TION!!!!!” A loud voice boomed.[/size]

[size="2"]“Oh crap.” Evergreen muttered as he ran to his seat.[/size]

[size="2"] “That’s Miss Embers.” Avalanche told them. “She’s the strictest teacher in the school!” [/size]

[size="2"] Miss Embers got their attention all right. But it turned out she knew quite a lot about Finger Magic.[/spoiler]
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[size="2"][spoiler=Chapter 2] Coming Soon![/spoiler] [/size]

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[Alice Moonstone]

It's really good so far

[Kōsuke Ueki]

But here's what you should do. When you get to Chapter 3, combine all of them into one chapter, because the first one isn't that long, and it doesn't explain the origins of the main characters.

But, besides all that, nice job.

[Alice Moonflowyr]

[quote name='The Swift Assaulter' timestamp='1308076715' post='5282991']
But here's what you should do. When you get to Chapter 3, combine all of them into one chapter, because the first one isn't that long, and it doesn't explain the origins of the main characters.

But, besides all that, nice job.
[/quote]


Oooh, good idea.
Wait, do you mean put them all together, like actually?
Okay, that confused you. What I am trying to say is, I am actually writing this in a notebook, and I am halfway through. At around Chapter 20. So I am writing it in bit by bit.

[bury the year]

[quote name='The Swift Assaulter' timestamp='1308076715' post='5282991']
But here's what you should do. When you get to Chapter 3, combine all of them into one chapter, because the first one isn't that long, and it doesn't explain the origins of the main characters.

But, besides all that, nice job.
[/quote]

You're not obligated to explain a character's background in the first few pages. In fact, if you want some degree of mystery, withholding details is the best path. But, I will admit that the writing, although passable, is terribly bland at the moment. It's incredibly short and mostly dialogue, which means that I don't even know what our characters even look like. For example, are they anthropomorphic dragons or actual quadrupedal ones? Expand, and then we'll talk.