momobeast Posted June 10, 2011 Report Share Posted June 10, 2011 Here is my entry: A princess of the sea,murdered her father for seperating her from her bother.She was exiled from her kingdom. Know she is known as the savage undine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momobeast Posted June 10, 2011 Report Share Posted June 10, 2011 Here is my entry: A princess of the sea,murdered her father for seperating her from her bother.She was exiled from her kingdom. Know she is known as the savage undine.Here is my entry: A princess of the sea,murdered her father for seperating her from her bother.She was exiled from her kingdom. Know she is known as the savage undine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
seattleite Posted June 10, 2011 Author Report Share Posted June 10, 2011 Ok, I need Yen's entry! [quote name='u raging?' timestamp='1307736629' post='5272435'] can i enter? [/quote] Did you see the topic title? :/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
seattleite Posted June 15, 2011 Author Report Share Posted June 15, 2011 Entries closed. Yen won last time, surprised he forgot about this :/ I'll have results in later, I have finals right now though and it might take me a while. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Qu@ke Posted June 15, 2011 Report Share Posted June 15, 2011 [quote name='seattleite' timestamp='1308113469' post='5284376'] Entries closed. Yen won last time, surprised he forgot about this :/ I'll have results in later, I have finals right now though and it might take me a while. [/quote] take your time bud, no rush. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
seattleite Posted June 18, 2011 Author Report Share Posted June 18, 2011 Results posted sooner than expected! [spoiler=ArchmageCarn] "A maiden of the deepest undersea chasms. When she surfaces, all around are struck by her beauty, her laughter, and her shining sword." Very clever I must say. First sentence gives good description, vocabulary and emphasis. Second sentence is amazing. The contrast between beauty, laughter (which is mostly positive) and a sword (which must make people fearful) is pure genius. I think another sentence to expound on that would be good though. 9.5/100 [/spoiler] [spoiler='電源戦争ウルフ'] "The spirit of an amazon. She drowned while searching for her daughter. She now searches endlessly. Anyone who comes across her is killed." Good background story, and good resolve. However the sentences are simple and could use some artistic flair. It is straight-forward, which is good, but can be elaborated. The ghost story, which is also quite similar to many legends could use it too. 8.5/100 [/spoiler] [spoiler=Qu@ke] "A devious water nymph that is said to be able to cause harsh seas with one swing of her mystical blade, sailors have taken to calling her The Savage Undine." Very nice description. Learned them adjectives in english class The sentence is filled with mystifying the card, making it into a legend. Only thing I can think of is it would sound better as 2 sentences. But that is very minute. Awesome =D 9.8/10 [/spoiler] [spoiler=momobeast] Here is my entry: A princess of the sea,murdered her father for seperating her from her bother.She was exiled from her kingdom. Know she is known as the savage undine. It has a nice story, it's quite original. Last sentence needs some more elaboration though. She is known as the savage undine - how? Because of murder is implied but it just flows better if you restate it, since it was in the first sentence. Still, props for the story. 8/10 [/spoiler] This round was quite close! Now since Yen seems to be gone I'll try to get 1 more contestant in to take his place. Once again, tell me if you drop out, or i will presume you're staying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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