Yu-Gi-Oh! NG

[Guest Spellcaster2000]

This is the first episode of my new Yu-Gi-Oh! series, Yu-Gi-Oh! NG. I hope you like it!

It all starts when Yukelum Melco (Our hero) is dueling against an evil king of darkness, Demister.

 

Yukelum Life Points: 2400

Demister Life Points: 3800

 

Yukelum: I draw! Great! I sacrifice my Energy Transferer to summon my Atri-Knight Lumino! Now Lumino, destroy his Shadow Warrior!

 

Demister Life Points: 2800

 

Demister: I draw! Hmm... I sacrifice my Shadow Skeleton to summon Shadow Knight! And I equip him with The Sword of Anubis, doubling his attack points!

 

Shadow Knight's ATK: 2300 -> 4600

 

Demister: Now, destroy his Atri-Knight Lumino!

 

Yukelum: Watch it! I activate a trap! Atri-Knights, Unite! Atri-Knights, Unite allows me to special summon an Atri-Knight from my hand or deck if another Atri-Knight is being attacked by a stronger monster! So I summon the Atri-Knight Darkore! Then I activate another trap, A Hero's Sacrifice! This card redirects your attack to Darkore and makes the damage 0, if I can pay 500 life points that is!

 

Yukelum Life Points (From card effect): 1900

Yukelum: And another! Breath of Life! Now, if I WOULD lose the remains of my life points from an attack, I get to keep 100 of them!

Yukelum Life Points (From Attack): 100

 

Yukelum: My turn! Draw! Now I summon another Energy Transferer, and sacrifice it and my Atri-Knight Lumino to Syncro summon, the Atri-Knight Lord! With a great 4000 Attack points! Also, if my Lumino is used to summon Atri-Knight Lord, I can summon another knight from the Graveyard! I summon Atri-Knight Tridus! Then I play the spell card Equip Destroyer, destroying your sword! Now my lord destroys your knight! And then my Tridus will finish you!

 

Demister Life Points: 0

 

Yukelum is somehow back at Duel Academy, but he doesn't seem satisfied. He looked up to the sky, "Someday Demister, I'll stop you for good...".

 

Plese comment on what you think and answer the poll.

[.Nu-13]

1. Wrong section

2. This is the whole chapter? *lols like he never did before*

[Super Chaos Sonic]

Spellcaster2000, a little bit of advice, look at other Yugioh Fics. They do they're best to drag the duel out and they don't post in script form.

 

(EX: Script Form)

 

Man#1: I challenge you to a duel!

 

**********************************

 

And duel academy has been done too many times. I'd suggest do something else, be creative.

[.Starrk]

Fan Fic Section perhaps?

 

 

To be perfectly honest, it's just another Yugioh series. New Monsters, New Cards, New Rules. Meh.

[Guest Angel-chan]

It opens with a duel? And a duel that doesn't develop characters or anything?

 

Why should I care about any of the characters, the duel they're involved in or anything about the fic?

[Guest Spellcaster2000]

Sorry about the length... Hopefully the next episode will be better... and longer...

[Guest Star]

I'm not sure, but I think it's against the rules to write in Script Format now.

 

I've been writing for a few years now, and as someone whose most well-known work was written in Script Format, I can tell you that it looks extremely poor, and makes it hard to take the story seriously. That, and the fact that you show as opposed to telling in the opening sentence, and your attempt to bring the reader into the story is so far from an effective hook it's not even funny, you need a bit of work here.

[Guest Spellcaster2000]

-.- I've been told I'm pretty good at writitng. I'll fix the next one.

[Guest Star]

-.- I've been told I'm pretty good at writitng. I'll fix the next one.

 

What kind of response is that? If you're "pretty good at writing", wouldn't you want to make every effort to improve your story to make it more appealing to people who want to read it?

 

I've been told I'm "pretty good at writing", and when it applies to English class that might be true. But Fan Fiction is something I have always enjoyed, yet never really been able to excel at. Which is why when I receive the criticism I do (and believe me, it's a common occurrence), I do the best I can to make changes and improve.

 

Your story wasn't even a full page long, and when you write short, in script format, it's impossible to really invest in the story or its characters. If you want more people to read your story, try a little harder to give it that extra push it needs.

[Guest Spellcaster2000]

OK then

 

Ill try to make my next episode better.

[Guest .Rai]

OK then

 

Ill try to make my next episode better.

 

ohhai. if you remember correctly, last time someone commented on this, it was in June.

 

Now it's December.

 

Also, doesn't meet the 'minimum length for a chapter' rule.

[Guest Clear Vice Dragon]

How on earth did this not get locked? It's written in script format.

[bury the year]

Necrobumped. LOCKED.